Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / how to cope with change

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how to cope with change · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

• 0:00
  Have you ever gone through a big change in life?
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  Of course you have. We all have.
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  I would be willing to bet a specific example came to mind.
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  Maybe it's a breakup, a new job, moving where you live, or going
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  off to school. These are just a few examples of
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  the life transitions that many of us go through.
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  On the surface, these changes may not seem like a big deal.
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  However, as you may have experienced, change can be
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  difficult and sometimes leaves you feeling emotional in stock.
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  I'm not a psychologist or professional in the mental
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  health industry, but I am very passionate about mental health
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  and I've experienced a lot of change in life.
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  So let's talk about life transitions and the difficulties
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  that they may bring. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back. To Feel Your Feelings change is
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  a very difficult road to navigate.
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  Let's be honest, we all like to think that we're bulletproof and
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  invincible and that we can just dodge through the changes in
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  transitions of life completely unscathed.
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  But realistically, the ups and downs of the changes that life
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  can bring can feel like a roller coaster.
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  One minute everything's calm and you're coping well, and the next
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  you've dropped into several loofty loops and you feel
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  completely out of control. It doesn't even have to be grand
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  change For me. Many of life's changes were
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  unexpected as I hardly thought of them as transitions.
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  For example, I turned 21 this year and it felt like my entire
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  world had been uprooted. I suddenly felt more pressure to
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  be an adult and I felt as though I wasn't doing enough, and I
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  watched most of my friends move on to the rest of their lives.
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  This was a change that I really wasn't expecting.
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  I didn't think that simply aging could bring this much emotional
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  difficulty, and sometimes changes like that are
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  unanticipated and can catch you totally by surprise.
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  Life transitions are an inevitable part of the human
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  experience, and they often come with a whirlwind of emotions.
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  In this episode, we're going to explore not only how to survive
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  but thrive during these periods of change.
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  So let's first look at why change is so hard.
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  Then we'll examine changes effect on self identity before
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  finally learning how we can work through transitions and come out
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  on top. So why exactly is change so
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  difficult? After all, it's just a part of
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  life. We all go through it.
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  We should be able to just roll with the punches.
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  Well, therapist Megan Turner disagrees as she discusses the
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  psychology of change. She states quote we are
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  creatures of habit and life. Transitions can upend routines.
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  Nearly all change brings grief along with it.
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  Even if the change is good, you still lose the old familiar ways
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  that you once found comfort in. End Quote Routine brings comfort
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  and knowing what to expect makes the turbulence of life a little
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  bit easier. We all know this.
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  We can always turn to our routine when everything is get
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  hard, but when this is disrupted we lose the comfort that we are
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  used to. We have to go through a
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  transitionary period where things are unknown and we are
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  without that comfort. This is difficult as we are
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  ripped away from what we know entirely.
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  I moved out this last summer and I was suddenly greeted by a new
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  life that I had never experienced before.
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  New responsibilities and routine were a requirement in order to
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  thrive on my own. I went through this
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  transitionary period of about three months, of which I'm only
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  just now coming out of. During these months, I was
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  incredibly uncomfortable. My emotions were all over the
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  place, and often I would just feel upset or irritated for
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  seemingly no reason. What I came to learn is that
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  this was because of the massive change that I just experienced.
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  My routine and comfort had been taken away from me, and I've had
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  to establish new routine that I can find safety within.
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  Please do not underestimate the effect that change can have on
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  you. Many people think that the
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  change has to be traumatic or upsetting in order for it to
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  affect you, but even good change can negatively impact you.
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  For example, moving out, that's usually seen as a good thing.
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  I mean, I found all these freedoms and I'm.
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  I'm really making a life for myself, but I had to deal with
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  months and months of emotional turbulence.
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  Just because the change is good doesn't mean that it still won't
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  affect you. And if the change is for the
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  worse, if you have lost something, it can impact you
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  even deeper. Not only are you dealing with
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  the grief of loss, but you're also dealing with the grief of
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  having to find something new, and that is incredibly
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  difficult. Whether it's losing a job,
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  losing a person, or losing a place, change and transitions
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  can impact us negatively. However, grief for what has been
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  lost is not the only way that change affects us, it also
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  affects our self identity. This is something that I had
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  never even thought of until I did some research for this
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  episode and discovered a whole world of how change can affect
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  our identities. Transitions don't only affect
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  our relationships with the outside world in comfort, they
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  also affect us internally and our relationships with our sense
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  of self. Let me break it down for you.
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  You see, when we're faced with change, we are often forced to
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  change ourselves. We are required to grow in order
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  to adapt. With these transitions, however,
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  that is much easier said than done.
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  Growing with life can feel impossible at times.
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  Many people struggle to move on from past identities and embrace
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  their new selves as life changes and continues, which makes them
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  feel stuck once again. We're comfortable with
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  ourselves, and growth requires us to move out of those comfort
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  zones. This is something that we are
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  naturally resistant to. Author Madeline Tubiana cites
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  this feeling of stuckness as identity paralysis.
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  She believes that this often leaves people feeling angry,
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  frustrated, or hopeless about their current situations, making
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  the life transition even more difficult.
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  Change is hard, but losing yourself within that change is
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  even more difficult. I mean, at this point, any
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  change at all sounds terrifying to me.
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  The fact that not only will we have to grieve the things we've
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  lost and find a new routine, but also we have to grow within
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  ourselves and find a new identity in order to match this
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  growth in this change that sounds so difficult.
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  You see, as humans, we are required to morph and we are
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  required to follow life's transitions.
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  After everything we've discussed, this sounds
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  incredibly taxing and nearly impossible.
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  Luckily for us, Madeline Tubiana, Professor Trish Rubotum
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  and Dr. Luciana Hakok noticed this struggle with life changes
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  and conducted hundreds of interviews with people who
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  successfully experienced identity growth during these
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  transitionary periods. And they found several
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  strategies to cope with the changes of life and come out on
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  top. So let me break these down for
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  you. One of the big steps is to
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  acknowledge and work through challenging emotions that may
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  arise with life changes. I couldn't agree with this more.
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  Once again, another example that you have to feel your feelings
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  in life. One of the main reasons that I
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  started this podcast and I'm so happy that this is coming up.
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  When it comes to change, life transitions can cause you to get
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  stuck within emotions. Anger about the circumstances
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  that led to this change, worry about what could be next, or
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  grief for what you've lost are all common emotions that come
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  with change. If we refuse to acknowledge and
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  work through these emotions when change arises, we can become
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  stuck on these feelings. They become all that we
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  associate with this life transition, making it a negative
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  in our lives. If you go through a big change,
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  if you experience a loss and all that you can feel related to
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  that change is anger or grief, then that change becomes a
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  negative no matter the amount of growth that can come out of it.
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  So a recommended and effective way to combat these negative
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  emotions that come with change is to intentionally activate an
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  opposing positive emotion. For example, when I moved out, I
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  found myself mourning my childhood and worrying about
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  moving into a full adult life. Whenever I noticed these
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  emotions come up, I also reminded myself of the freedom
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  and excitement of creating a new life for myself that I get to
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  live entirely for me and learn so much about myself.
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  This isn't easy to do, but having an active awareness of
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  your emotions and reminding yourself of any good within the
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  change is important because there is good in all of life's
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  transitions. Growth and change come hand in
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  hand, so at the very least you will find growth within this
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  transition. Growth is absolutely crucial to
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  the human experience. Now I know feeling these
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  emotions and then reminding yourself of an opposite +1 can
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  feel impossible at times. But I promise if you do the work
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  and you keep experiencing this change and you allow yourself to
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  flourish within it, you can find positives and you can seek
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  emotional, physical or spiritual development.
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  As mentioned before, change can make us feel like we are losing
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  our sense of self. So one way to help with this
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  during transitionary periods is to focus on non work identities
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  that remind you of who you are. This can help avoid identity
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  paralysis and mend your idea of who you are whenever things
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  become uncertain. When I feel uncertain, I engage
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  in my hobby of playing the piano.
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  It reminds me of all the years of work I put into this
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  instrument and grounds me within my idea of myself.
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  This helps prevent a loss of self during change, which is
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  very important when adapting to transitions.
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  Finally, another great way to help yourself during change is
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  to lean on support systems. Whether it's people, places, and
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  activity or just yourself. It's so, so important to try to
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  have a support system in place. This is really just important
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  overall for mental health. But having either a person that
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  you can lean on, a place that you can go and feel comfortable
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  in activity that you can engage in that grounds you, or simply
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  knowing ways that you can connect with yourself and you
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  can feel your feelings and you can engage in coping mechanisms.
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  This is all so, so important to help during times of transition.
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  Change is hard. There is absolutely no way
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  around that, and all of us are going to experience change.
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  That is also a certainty in life.
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  The best thing that we can do is be prepared, and we did that
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  today by learning why change is so hard, the effect that change
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  can have on self identity and by learning ways to help work
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  through this. You are going to experience
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  change, but you deserve to know how to cope with it.
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  You deserve to feel OK during times of transition that's going
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  to wrap it up for today's episode.
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  Thank you for being here. If you need help feeling your
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  feelings, please check out my music on all platforms under the
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  name of Ethan Jewel and I almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
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  Also, shoot me a message on my Instagram at Jewel Boy with an I
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  under score and let me know what you thought about this episode.
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  So thank you for being here, learning how to cope with
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  change, and as always, for feeling your feelings.
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  I'll see you next time.