Latest / Pathological Positivity / There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather – Episode #690
Transcript
- This is Live On Purpose Radio episode 690. There's no such thing as bad weather. Now is the only time to create and live the life you love. I'm doctor Paul Jenkins, the positivity psychologist. My job is to connect you to powerful positive psychology principles that immediately upgrade your relationships, business, and mental health. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Hello. Welcome back to Live On Purpose Radio. If this is your first time, welcome for the first time. I hope you enjoy your stay here. I'm doctor Paul, the shrink who expands your life. And this week, I'm having some interesting experiences here in the beautiful mountains of Utah where our license plate reads, the greatest snow on Earth. And we don't have any snow. Not yet. It is early February. We've had a little bit. The mountains are getting some. The ski resorts are open. But down here in the valleys, my daffodils are coming up. And that's a heck of a way to run a winter. Now that's not true in other places in the country. My son, for example, lives in the suburbs of Chicago. And there was a day last week where the wind chill brought things down to minus 27 degrees. Another son of mine comes from Connecticut, or at least that's where his family is headquartered now. 28 inches of snow over the weekend. So the weather is different everywhere. And it's interesting on social media. Sometimes I see, we're having such bad weather. And it reminds me of this saying that I learned when I lived in Finland, where, by the way, we can have some brutally cold weather. I remember one time when I was living in Finland, the daytime high... Listen to what I'm saying. The daytime high temperature was 35 degrees below zero, and that lasted for three weeks. It was, like, the coldest weather snap that they'd had in Finland in forty years or more. And and I set this up for you to understand an important positive psychology principle. In Finland, the saying that I learned is this, there's no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing. I invite you to think about that for just a minute as we get started here this morning. And I realized as I said that, I don't know if it's morning for you. See, this is kind of like the weather. It's morning for me. My daffodils are coming up. You might be shoveling snow. You might be lying on a beach somewhere. I don't know. The weather is different. The time is different. It's morning for me. It might be afternoon for you. When are you listening to this podcast? Keep that in mind as we talk about this concept. There's no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing. Often, we blame our circumstances, the weather, when the real opportunity lies in our preparation, our mindset, our response. That's the clothing. We don't control the circumstances of our life. Have you noticed this? Sometimes it just drops in your lap. I didn't sign up for this. That's how I felt years ago, decades ago now, when I went through that bankruptcy. And I was pointing to my circumstances. This is not what I had in mind. This is bad weather. Well, there's no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing. What am I going to do with the circumstances? And notice I said with, not about. Sometimes you can't do anything about it. Yeah. I I have had very little success in changing the weather. It just doesn't happen. Right? So instead, what are we going to do with it? This is what I have. Now what am I going to do with it? How am I going to dress for this weather? What am I going to do with it? We're not victims of the weather. We're agents to choose what we wear. That is profoundly true in every aspect of our life, our relationships, our health, our mental health. Everywhere we go, we're encountering weather. Now years ago on this podcast, I had a guest, and my apologies, I can't even remember because it was probably fifteen years ago. I can't even remember this sweet guest's name. But I remember she grew up in one of the Caribbean islands. It may have been Haiti. It may have been it may have been Jamaica. But her circumstances were very stormy. Her weather was what we might have referred to as bad before we had this conversation. Abuse, neglect, starvation, poverty. She had a little bit of all of it. At some point, she was able to escape all of that and finally ended up in Canada as a pastor of a little congregation. And that's when I had a conversation with her. She brought this to my attention. As we were talking about her past and her experiences, she said, extreme does not equal extraordinary. Now think about that for a minute. This situation feels extreme. It is extreme. Well, compared to something less extreme. Right? There's a model that I teach in my practice. We refer to it as the positivity model, and this is really the operating instructions for the equipment. It starts with the premise that it is what it is. And when we judge or evaluate our circumstances, we have to compare it to something. Notice that when we say something is extreme, we are comparing it to something less extreme. Because if we compare it to something more extreme, well, this doesn't seem so bad. This is kind of mild compared to that. Keep that in mind as we have this conversation. Going back to this guest, her circumstances were arguably extreme. Now fast forward last week, Vicky and I were sitting on the couch watching a documentary that just came out about a dear friend of mine, Elizabeth Smart. You might recall her experience where at the age of 14, this tender 14 year old girl was abducted from her bedroom at knifepoint. Where could you be more safe than in your own bed? And yet she was abducted, and she suffered what I'm going to label as extreme circumstances for the next nine months as she was brutally abused and starved and forced to abuse substances? This is extreme. Right? Because most of the circumstances we can think of are less extreme than that. Extreme does not equal extraordinary. Now I make that distinction because extraordinary implies special case. Alright? Now, technically, if we break down the word, it just means extra ordinary, meaning more than what you would normally expect. Okay. So that's kind of like extreme. But more often, we use the word extraordinary to denote some kind of a special case. Like, somehow, this is outside of the principles or the rules that govern the universe. That's how I'm using the word extraordinary. And we have a tendency as humans to see ourselves as being extraordinary or our circumstances as being extraordinary. Remember, I'm coming from a background of thirty years of clinical experience as a psychologist. You can't shock me. I have heard some of the darnedest crap you can imagine in those three decades. And I've gotten to the point... I I kind of use this as a... As an entry point with some of the conversations I have with clients. You can't shock me. Just tell me what you've gone through. I am ready to hear it because extreme, and I will grant you that. Okay? Whatever you're going through, yeah, it's extreme compared to what you've gone through before. Compared to less extreme things, yes, this is extreme. That doesn't mean that it's extraordinary. There are always other humans who have experienced similar or even worse circumstances. Now that doesn't minimize our pain. I think what it does is it normalizes our humanity. Because going back to my first point, there's no such thing as bad weather. Wait. What? Only inappropriate clothing. Therefore, what am I going to do with this? And my my podcast guest became a pastor. She is a spiritual leader now of an entire congregation. She is using her experiences to bless the lives of others. Elizabeth Smart has, through her efforts in fundraising and her nonprofit organization, she has liberated thousands of children from sex slavery. See, her experience wasn't extraordinary. There's thousands of children who are being abused and extorted. Unfortunately, this is true. Right? What did Elizabeth do with, not about, with her circumstances? The positivity model shows us that our power lies in perspective. Instead of asking, why me? We can ask, why not me? And now what? Why not me? That is a powerful, powerful phrase. See, in a victim mindset, we become whiners or why babies. Why me? Why now? Why this? Why us? Right? Instead of asking that, what if we just switch that? Why not me? Am I not just as qualified to take this on as anybody else? I remember a conversation I had with Elizabeth Smart when I... I think we had just done a recording. We were doing a positive psychology class for teenagers where we collaborated as the instructors. And between the recordings, at one point, I remember just looking over at Elizabeth and I said, I'm glad it was you. And she just smiled and said, Yeah, me too. What? No. You wouldn't wish that on anyone. Think about that for a minute. You would not wish it on anyone. If I gave Elizabeth the choice, hey, that... Are you good with how things went, or would you rather go back and have it be your sister who was abducted? She'd say, let... No. I'm... The... We're good. Let's just go with this. And it doesn't mean that she would have signed up for it. It does not mean that it was fun or easy. In fact, it was very difficult and painful. But what it means is why not me? Am I not just as qualified to take this on as anyone else? Maybe better qualified than some. I finally got to that point with my bankruptcy, with my spasmodic dysphonia diagnosis, which I've talked about here before. Why not me? I am a human. Humans go through these kinds of things. Then, oh, I... Am I not just as qualified as anyone else? What kind of people get into car accidents? I'll just float that out there for you. Now it's easy for our brains to go the route of, well, it's negligent people or people who are intoxicated or driving under the influence or distracted. Yes. That is true. And who are they gonna hit? You, me, my wife, and kids? The kind of people who get into car accidents are the kind of people who get into cars. Pure and sip and a few others too. So with your circumstance, what kind of people go through a bankruptcy or a divorce or get a diagnosis or have someone leave them? Well, the kind of people who show up on planet Earth. And if it's going to happen to some of us, then why not me? Am I some kind of a special case? And I used to think I was, honestly. I thought, well, if I'm righteous, you know, if I do the right things... I was raised in a very conservative religious environment. And some of the tradition there is, hey, do what you're supposed to do and things will go just PG, which is not even close to true. The truth is, you show up on Earth, stuff's gonna happen. I know. Profound, right? I got a PhD freakin' D. You show up on Earth, stuff's going to happen. Get ready for the weather. Just like we prepare for cold weather with coats, boots, gloves, hats, we can prepare for life's weather extremes with mindset tools. If you don't have the positivity model yet, you've gotta have it. Go to liveonpurposeradio.com. That's this podcast. Liveonpurposeradio.com/themodel. All one word. I'll put it in your inbox. You will get a full color version of this model along with a quick description of what it is. You've gotta have this. This is the operating instructions for the equipment of your own mind. It's what allows you to go to the wardrobe, not the weather, to determine the outcomes that will happen in your life. This positivity model becomes a layer of insulation for you, a tool that keeps us grounded no matter how bad the weather gets. So rather than labeling situations as bad or worst, we reclaim the energy for ourselves, the agency to act powerfully. Consider for a minute, what am I more likely to control? The weather or how I walk through it? You have the power to choose, not the weather. You get to choose your attitude, your position. This is one of the most pro... Profound things that came from one of the greatest storms in the history of humanity, the holocaust, where doctor Viktor Frankl survived and wrote a powerful book called Man's Search for Meaning. In that book, he said that everything can be taken from a human. And he knows. He was in Auschwitz, Accept what he called the last of human freedoms, to choose your attitude in any given set of circumstances. Doctor. Frankel was talking about the clothing, not the weather. Have you got this? I hope you got what you came for today. We've heard it. It's time to live it. Let's go live on purpose. Did you get what you came for? Give yourself the gift of taking real action on what you realized today. Please share this episode with someone you know would value it, and leave us a rating too. It's time now to live on purpose.