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The Invisible Load of: PARENTING IN A BLENDED FAMILY · Sass & Small TALK

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about the mental load of blending families, the invisible work of navigating multiple households, co-parenting styles, and making sure every child feels seen, safe, and loved no matter where they're laying their head that night.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I need my stats back.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you're doing it all from meltdown to task and still fighting to keep up that stats, friend, I got Jeep.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Deb, host of Sats and Smalltalk, the mental load of parenthood, season two.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: As a mom of two smallers, navigating life with a neurodivergent family and my own neurospicy brain, caregiving for aging cats, and trying to hold it all together with girls.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I know what it means to carry the mental, emotional, and physical load of parenting.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing: we weren't meant to do this alone.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: This season, we're exploring the many faces of parenthood, from single parents to co-parents, blended families to chosen families, and everything else.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right here in our beautiful city of Victoria BC and beyond.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: They're sharing real stories of overwhelm, grief, imposter syndrome, breaking generational cycles with the resilience it takes to keep showing up.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Real parents, real families, real stories.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because it takes a village to raise a child and a community to raise their parent.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: My guest today is the real life embodiment of Grace Under Pressure.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Carly is a mom of a beautifully blended family of six, juggling life with kids of different ages, backgrounds, and faiths.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: She shows up with intention, with humor, and with that unique mama magic that somehow keeps it all together on most days anyway.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And now she's here with me.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is Carly.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Carly.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much for being here.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: I know time is not something that you have an abundance of, but you came anyway.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Willow, for having me.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad you're here.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: We have so much to talk about, so let's just dive right in.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about your current reality.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_02: Who's at your table these days?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_02: Who's at my table?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: We have me and Chuck.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: And then we have our oldest Atlas.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: He's going to be turning eight.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: Then we have Wyatt, who is six, Willow, who is turning six.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_02: And then we have uh Corbin who just turned one.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, little baby Corby.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know this wonderful family.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is a personal friend of mine as well.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I've always admired you from up close, but also from a distance.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I always wondered, how the heck do you do it?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna get into the meat potatoes of this because I really need to know how the heck you do it with all your kids.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: You got the whole crew at all times.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: The biology behind this.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: What works.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Before you met Chuck, you had which kids.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Before I had, or before I met Chuck, before I had Chuck.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: Before I met Chuck.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: That was another show.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: I met Chuck and I already had Atlas and Willow.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: And he had Wyatt.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: How old was Atlas?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: Atlas was turning four.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: He was three.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's lovely.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: So he met you with a toddler.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And how old was Willow?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, a year old.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: She was one.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: A year old.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And Wyatt was also He was just turning two.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, just turning two.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: So, okay.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: So very close, very close in age.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: That worked really well with interests and fun times together as you blended your family together.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about how this all came to be.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: When you first met Chuck, what was this?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: What took place?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: You saw him and you're like, ah, another dad.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: No, uh, no.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: He actually sought out me, and it took about six months for me to actually agree to even meet him.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like I had never met him.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, it took about six months.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_02: I like that.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: You had your boundaries even back then.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, well, I was just kind of fresh out of a separation from my marriage, and I just wasn't ready.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I had two kids.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: So in my mind, I'm thinking who would be interested in someone who is going through a divorce and has two children.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: But you are this little Zelengel.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: He is.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: That just shows a lot about the kind of his character.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's great.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: He's amazing.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Chat.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: So now we blend our families together.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Blended families, we're not just talking about coordinating schedules.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about creating our own rhythms and our values in our home and building it together, which isn't always easy because we're coming from different backgrounds.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: The family routines that are uniquely yours and Chuck's as a blended family.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: If someone were to peek into your house and they looked at what you were doing, they'd be like, that is so them.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: So what are these things?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Chaos.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's we're a chaotic family.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: There's lots of noise.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: Lots of lots of noise.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: And it's welcomed.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, most of the time, yes.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: I will say a time in the day where I get a little bit overstimulated with all the noise while I'm like cooking dinner.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: But typically, you know, and we're gonna noise is better than no noise.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we like noise and then to some degree, but then we're gonna talk about coping and what you can drown out some of that noise.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: So now you have these parenting patterns from your history.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do you bring those patterns into this new life of yours?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Or do you Yeah?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: I think they just kind of become elevated and updated, and you kind of just mesh them with your partner.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: Did you feel like you changed some things around intentionally?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think I changed personally, which then changes your parenting styles.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: Chuck is the parent who is just always full of patrons.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing, like no noise ever gets to him.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: He just is always this like, let it roll off, just whatever.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: He's one of these.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm just like structure, boundaries.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's we are a good match.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Great match.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Do you change this approach or whatever approaches you have?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Do you change it with whichever child is under your care?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: I think that every child does need different parenting because every child is different.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Every child's needs are different.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: So their core parenting is the same, but each child needs a little bit different stuff.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like Atlas is more sensitive.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: An Willa needs more like one-on-one time.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: Why it needs more like physical rough play?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like they're just all slightly different.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And yet somehow you make it work when they're all together.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, because the core stuff is the same.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is the same.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: The logistics of having to manage the expectations of, let's say, the other parents.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Where do they stand in this situation?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have the kids more often?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is there kind of a split?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like how often do you have to navigate other households or not?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: I would say that our blended family is unique in the sense that we do have our kids full-time.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: So the other parents are not a default as much.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: So when we are doing things, yes, we will always consider the other parent.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: But at the end of the day, we're gonna do what is the best interest for our child.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: And because we do have them full-time, we get to make those decisions a little bit more freely than probably parents who have to do the one week on, one week off situation.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: So you find there is a benefit to be able to say it's a blended family, but it's mostly at home.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I would say there is benefit and not each way.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like benefit in the sense that we are not having to like constantly check in with the other parents, say, is this okay?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: Is this okay?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_02: But then like our child is kind of lacking the other parent sometimes, right?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: So it goes both ways.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about that because this season we're focusing on mental load.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And for the typical parent at home, the focus is on, you know, the the the same, the things you see.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: The everything is right in front of you.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: You see the chaos, you see what they have to do.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: But with a blended family, there is an invisible load.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's an emotional aspect of this whole thing too.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Just what you mentioned.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you have them full-time, they're under your care.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: But you did mention in some ways there's some uh complications for that.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: What are some of the emotional trials that you have to deal with?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say Atlas versus with Corbin.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: He's yours and Chuck's biological.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so with a joint, why don't we talk about the benefits of that or the changes or the shifts that you saw take place with Corbin coming at the end?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, huge, huge.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: I can speak definitely on both sides of this.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: So Atlas, I had um when I was 21 in Medicine Hat, so very secluded.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: I moved back to uh Victoria with him as a baby.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so all of his raising was done solely by me.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: His dad is in the pictures, but he's just in a different province.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_02: So being able to see him is not easy.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: But then I notice a big difference in the sense that Corbin wakes up every day next to his dad and his mom.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: Corbin's gonna have his dad and his mom at every sports thing, every concert at school, parent teacher interviews, everything like that.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna be together.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's not gonna have to be one parent do it at this time, one parent do it at this time, or oh, I'm not my mom's this weekend, so she's coming to my soccer game.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, my dad can come next weekend.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: There's none of that.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: So I see such a difference in how their needs are met so differently.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: And Atlas doesn't know any different.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_02: But I can see the difference.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: So that must be it's hard, hard on your heart.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: And now even being able to compare and seeing where that has been a trial for Atlas without him really knowing.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Seeing the vast difference.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: So that's where Chuck's position, his role is amazing.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's essential.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Plays that father, you know, father figure.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: He really is the father figure.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, more often than not, right?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: So totally.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: He is the one at their parent teacher interviews.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: He is the one at their school functions alongside me.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love that so much.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: I love that so much.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, do you see that there's any sort of like, do the kids feel have the voiced out ever?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I kind of feel like it's unfair.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: So-and-so gets this, and so-and-so gets that.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: Not necessarily Corbin, but yeah.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: I think that that's a normal feeling for a child to always look at something that a different child has or another sibling has, and their first thing they say is, that's not fair.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: And then Chuck.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: So Chuck's favorite thing is, you want a free life lesson?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_02: Life's not fair.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, not.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: But then we say, like, well, do you want to be treated just like Corbin?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: Because then, you know, we have to go back to the diapers and the early bedtime.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: And oh, you want to be treated just like Atlas?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: Well, then there's more responsibilities.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_02: You're unloading the dishwasher with me.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: You're helping put away the clothes.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like, so every time they hear those, they're like, oh, actually.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: No thanks.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: No, yeah.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: My position is very fair.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's that's kind of the, you know, just an everyday situation.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: But in a blended family, do you find that there's a different way that let's say you treat why?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I do only you don't mean to treat them differently, but I do have to be careful in the sense he does have a biological mom.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I do have to be careful.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to step on toes.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: I will treat him just like he's my child.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: But I do have to make sure that like there's certain things that I can't step on.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like my children rely heavily on their faith.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: But Wyatt is not as involved in that because it's not it's not his practice.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's something you respect.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: Right, exactly.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: So there's things like that.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: But my day to day, I have all four kids.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: So my four kids are their routines are the same.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: They do the same things with me.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: Their life is not different.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_02: Their love is the same.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm I potty trained Wyatt, I potty trained Willow, I potty trained Atlas.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's that's just my life with them.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: So they don't know life without each other.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: And that's beautiful.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: But them, they don't remember life without Wyatt.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: Wyatt doesn't remember life without Willow and Atlas.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: So they can't even think about it.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: So their life, they can't even be like, oh remember when it was just you and me?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like they don't, they can't.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't have that kind of that challenge that some blended families they meet later in life.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: There's like little things, but I don't think it's necessarily a blended family problem.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like um Willow will sometimes be upset that I can't lay in bed with her for a long time at night.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: But then um like my stepson will get more time cuddling his dad.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: But the only reason that is is because we're going through a season where my baby is breastfed.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: So he is more attached to me than his dad right now.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: So we're just going through seasons like that.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: But I think that's where I'm just having a baby.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that's more of like the new baby.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: And how are they all with the new baby?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this is it comes full circle with him, and we'll get to that.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: But but like, do they see the completion that maybe, you know, the I think they do.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they might not notice it, but then again, they're also gonna look back and not remember life without Orban.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I can't even remember what life was like without him.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: Because he really did just the thought of four kids is like, oh no, I can't do that.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_02: But now not having four, I'm like, I couldn't do life without having four.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: You need this guy.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, four is better than three.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about that.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: Four is better than three.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: Four is better than three.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: What what are the things?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: What are the things?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, three, you're just you notice that you are already outnumbered.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: You notice.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: And three, there's always one left out.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: They're kind of fighting, two get along.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: One's like, what about me?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then with Corbin around, there's one is like, oh, they're hanging out.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: What's Corbin up to?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: Or what let me go hang out with Corbin, or let me build blocks and let Corbin knock them down.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so yeah, four is just easier.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: This was all beyond your control, the timing of it, but it was perfect.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, totally.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like even meeting Chuck and like I'm so glad he just held on for you.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: He just waited because the timing is flawless, really.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because now when we see like you have the help of Atlas and Willow, she's got that kind of mothering.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: I have to tell her to push the brakes.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're not the mom.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: I do have to tell them that because I don't want them to be in a position where they feel like they have to take care of him.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's not their job.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: It's not their job.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: I want them to be strictly siblings, but not the sibling that's like picking them up, carrying him around the house, putting makeup, like you know.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, we that's stop Willow.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: You mean the little doll, no?
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I do love that.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like the dynamic is just so special, yeah.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Where they have more defined roles, like yes, yes, purpose almost.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's important to humans, yeah.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so happy.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: And Willow's kind of transitioning from being the baby of the family to being the big sister.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_02: And that's really fun for her.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's so good.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And she side note, Willow is literally the little, you know, those little dolls that they they they fit into each other.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: She's yours.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she's mine.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: But so is Atlas.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, but she's just like a copy and paste.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: It really is a copy and paste of you.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's just beautiful, it's just amazing.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: And what's really funny is that Wyatt and her.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they look like twins.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so he just looks like he should be one of my, like, he is mine, but like biologically.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: Biologically.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: And watching him go from essentially an only child.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like he's he wasn't because he had Willow and Atlas.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: But going from essentially an only child to having like Orban was a big shift for him.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: And that was really great to watch.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's lovely.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: They have a lot of fun together.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: But they have this shared biological string that attaches them now.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: Ugh.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: Which connects all the kids, which makes them all yeah.
• 16:31
  unknown: Ugh.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: God, that just that just gets me right here.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: No wonder he's always smiling.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: He's just always smiling.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: That beautiful dude.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: He's just smiling.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: He knows he's the glue he's the string.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: He's just like that.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Just amazing.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: I just love that.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, not so easy aspects of a blended family, and more on the emotional end of this is still under mental load.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Having to carry some of those outside opinions, and I'm sure they've shifted throughout your life as these four beautiful kids is mom, self-doubt.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: And let's talk about the multiracial aspect of your family.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: And we've talked before in that we've never really felt you've never really defined it as multiracial.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: It just, these are my, this is just who they are.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I I notice my kids' color.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like very clearly, like I know and I appreciate the fact that my kids' color of their skin is different than mine.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: But what I don't notice is that what other people notice.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like they look at my kids and they go, Oh, that one.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, is he adopted?
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: Are you babysitting?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, daycare.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas when I span my room and I'm looking at all my children, that thought obviously doesn't pop in my head.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: So yes, I obviously notice.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, but I don't notice what other people see.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: And you also advocate, you educate and advocate for your kids, and also with the regard of their faith, you know, their faith backgrounds and their culture as a mom of these kids.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: With what the naked eye sees, the outsider sees.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_02: I think people automatically assume that my oldest is adopted because he's half black.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: His dad was born and raised in Ghana.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: So he, my son just came out, just this little bundle of beautifulness.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_02: But people automatically assume because he is darker, um, that he was adopted.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_02: Or they assume that he is being babysat, or because I have four kids, they automatically assume I'm running a daycare.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: I got that the other day at the park.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, a daycare.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you have so much structure that I'm like, I kind of look at you, I'm like, oh.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I need to set the boundaries.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we'll talk about boundaries.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: Boundaries create safeness.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: And if you step outside those boundaries, what happens?
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: My child breaks their arm or cracks open her head.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or it has to happen.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: You have to have the boundaries.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's just no choice with the amount of kids you have.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: But then all I set the boundaries, they don't stay in the boundaries.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: There's a difference.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_02: They don't always like to adhere.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: But at least they know where the boundaries are.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 19:08
  unknown: They need that.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: Then they can connect the dots.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: They need that.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go back to that.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: The structure looks like it's a daycare already.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: How does it feel when someone stops you?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Has this happened before?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: Originally, like when my son was a baby in the grocery, yeah, in the grocery store.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like someone made like an offhanded comment being like, oh, he's so cute.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: Where did you get him?
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: And at that time, I was so offended.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: I was young.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: I just had a baby.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: I was offended that someone would even say that to me.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: Now I'm just like, oh, you idiot.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, I'm 50, okay?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: To hear, but you're right.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's like something you maybe have gotten accustomed to unfold.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I just think that, you know, everyone makes ignorant comments sometimes.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure things have come out of my mouth where I'm like, well, why did I say that?
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: Or wish I could take that back.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: Or I was educated and I'm like, I will never say that again.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: So this older lady in the grocery store looked at my son and thought he was adorable.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_02: Looked at me and was like, oh, there's no way he came from you.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: Where did you get him?
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like no way did you get him from him?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's that kind of comments.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like written down.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: You look at it and you're like, what on earth?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: You're right.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, whatever.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you have the understanding to be able to say ignorant, not knowing, let's educate.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: Do you bother educating?
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like sometimes.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: But sometimes I also am still learning.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: I just know I know where he came from.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: So if someone asks me, I can let you know.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe as time kind of passed and you grow up with them, you're like, it's gonna happen.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna choose my battles wisely.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: And is it worth it?
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Probably not.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or you're rushing in and out of the groceries.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: The last thing you need to do is educate.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So your own self-doubt, whether it's influenced by moments like that or that little voice.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the voice.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone has that voice.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me about your voice.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: I you know, that voice definitely.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let me just put it this way.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: When I was pregnant with Corbin, as you know, no one knew I was pregnant with Corbin.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: No one knew, including me.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: I I I feel like a terrible friend because I didn't even see it, but like she was just rocking all those oversized shirts.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I hid it up until he was born, basically.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think I told a group of women that you were a part of when I was just shy of like 30 weeks.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_02: I respect that.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: I sh told my mom two weeks.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh mom.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_02: Two and a half.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe three weeks before he was born.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: What was the reason behind that?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: Why I didn't share it?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I was worried about the perception of what people would think of me being a mom with children going through a divorce.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: And what would people think about that?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm adding another child into this world this way.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: But I really sat with those thoughts, and every baby is a blessing, no matter how they come into this world.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and he really did complete our family in a way that we could never have imagined.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: He's hilarious.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: It was meant to be.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: He was yeah, he's a funny kid.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: He's beyond funny.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: He's exactly.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: So now it's like, whatever.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I respect that.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we're in a day and age.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: My purpose of not telling people, I told people at week 20 to my son.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And is a different reason.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was because we had so many losses in our 20 to 25 week span.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so mine was fear, fear-based.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, wherever that comes from, that's our choice.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I I really respect that you did that.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: And she left, she left the news for when you could just sit back and enjoy my reactions.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: So that was fun.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: We were in the middle of a we had we had our like girl time.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: There was there was a bunch of us close girls together.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then you mentioned it.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just the most hilarious.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: I can even feel my jaw.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'll never forget.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: It was just the best.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I respect that, but you didn't even have to explain yourself why.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't even really know why.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I respect that because that must be based on something.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think I posted it when he was either a month or two months old.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's when I made the announcement on Facebook.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: Being like, like, here's our baby.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the world.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: And people from school, like moms from the school, were like, I had no idea why you were pregnant.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: But it was, it was so well.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I gained 60 pounds.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how did these people?
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_02: Then I'm like slightly offended.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, you didn't see this is who I am.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_02: What is you didn't know I was pregnant?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: You thought I wasn't.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's the oversized clothes.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_02: You roffed it, too.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: That's the whole, that's the look now, right?
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's the thread now.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I yes, my Adam Sandler morning square slippers and a cup of coffee.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, no, no.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Don't even start in on what I'm referencing at pickup and drop off.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I I want to talk more about that shame only because you this is not unheard of.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: The shame.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Did anyone inspire the shame or is this something that just kind of like came up on your own?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like no, I I think it's just what you grow up believing.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: And knowing what a family should technically look like.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: And to be fair, I went through this and my views have changed.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_02: I know the struggles that my children are gonna have to face, that Corbin's not gonna have to face with not having the parents there.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: And so I hope that my children go on to do better than I did.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: And better, I say that, you know, slightly.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: I don't regret having my children, but I hope that they see the value of that core family.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: Our family is like they see the difference with Corbin.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: They do see it.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: You're doing standard family.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: No, I think the kids do see because there's just never a time where they're having to like, Corbin doesn't have to worry about, oh, can I call dad today?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_02: Is he gonna answer?
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: Can I call mom?
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: Or oh, you have to call mom and say goodnight, or you need to call dad and say goodnight.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: We're just in the next door.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: He's lying beside me.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: I used to look at my when I was a kid, I used to look at my friends who had multiple households.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: And back then, I'm not gonna really talk about the fact it was in the 80s, but back then I would look back and and I'd see that there were some good things about it, like two Christmases, two Christmases, two bedrooms, and all that.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: Now, in your situation with them being out of province, that's not so much the case right now.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: But let's say the the times that White does go to his mom's and stuff like that.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Do you see that he kind of reaps the benefits of being able to do sets of birthday presents, that kind of thing?
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, and he loves it.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: The stuff that's right.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: So that in itself can be that silver.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_02: Christmas, another bedroom, toys.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, totally.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_02: But then there's also when I noticed this with my daughter too, when she used to go to her dad's house and come back, the turnover, you know, like the readjustment of our routine, um, our structure, our roles, our bedtime, our what time we get up and leave the house, what we eat or meals, like it's different.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: So then the moods are different.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's tough.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: So you're met with more pushback, resistance, and that like in an everyday situation, that's difficult all the time.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but to have to come from one household to another and then having to adjust to that, that must be really hard.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: And when there's already kids in the house still following that routine, so just yeah, sometimes, but that's a role with it.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is just R for the course.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: This is just what it is.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: But this is also part of the mental load.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: The big thing on social media that I've also been kind of privy to is the idea of the 50-50 parenting, default parenting.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I see your reaction.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Is it really a thing?
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: Is it true?
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do you believe that there's really such a thing as 50-50 parenting?
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're talking about you and check at this point, not necessarily the other parents, more you and check in your house.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about the idea of default parenting and that there is, there are households, and it is true where the mom or the primary caregiver at home who's not working is kind of like, I'm the default parent and I'm feeling the weight in a more negative way.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: What's your viewpoint on that?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: I hold it back.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: Be very careful with what I say because my views will be different than what the main please dream does.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: I don't believe in 50-50 ever.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think there's ever gonna be a time where me and my partner are always operating at the exact same level as each other, ever.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like there's gonna be days where, depending on what phase I am in my cycle, where I'm up here and I have all this energy and I can get everything done.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_02: And he's tired and he's sick.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm up here.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's gonna be times where I'm in a different part of my cycle and I don't even want to get up.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm tired, I just want to lounge, you know, and he's up here.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't think it's like all that stuff.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, I don't think exactly.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think there's ever gonna be time where we are 50-50.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_02: We always just have to either look at what they can manage and scoop in.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: But I will say that our house is kind of managed in a way that wouldn't work for every family.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: We really appreciate our roles that we have in our house.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_02: And it it works for us.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's very clear what the roles are.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: It is very clear what our roles are.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's what's important.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: It works for you.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: It works for us.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: And as long as you're in agreement, what could be wrong with that?
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where I was influenced.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I I found myself kind of treating George differently.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, they were right in that, you know, post I read.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's not, it's not really the case in our.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we were just fine until I kind of got influenced by that, right?
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: And sure, there are households where it's not, you know, it's not work for them.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not defined clearly.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's the key.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why you're able to handle uh a house of six and uh a little fuzzball, you have a little free guy too.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, but this is what's his name?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: Bucky.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta give Bucky some love.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: Come on, Bucky.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but to like in that same breath, I manage my home.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: But Chuck works so hard outside of the home, which I could not do.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't want to do it.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_02: You don't want to do it.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: So why would I not treat my home like it is my job?
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_02: And he that's not like he comes home, sits back, packs open a beer and goes, get me this, get me this.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_02: Don't talk to me, kids.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: He's very hands-on.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_02: Hands-on.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_02: But he's able to come home and be hands-on because the moment he comes on in like in the door, I'm not like, Here's the kids, I'm out.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, like he gets to come in and it's like, oh hey, like the kids are happy to see him.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: And he's receiving it.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: And he's receiving it.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I there's nothing wrong.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: I that's actually a beautiful situation you're in.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that resentment that maybe some spouses feel, there's something deeper going on.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, there are gonna be days feeling no one helps me around here.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, there's laundry in the floor.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_02: I just picked this up, you know?
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_02: Martyrdom.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: But then I also get to look around and be like, wow, here I am with my air conditioning on, picking up this dirty laundry while I'm still in my pajamas, while Chuck's outside in the 30-degree heat.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's a very privileged thing for me to be up to.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Count your blessings and I love that.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're entitled moments where we're like, and I know my husband, I know George comes in and like, I'm I'm gonna look at him.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: He's not even here, but he is he he is the first to clean the dishes when he comes in.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: And let's say I've been doing household stuff and then running and caregiving and then sessions for the kids and pickups and all that stuff.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: And he'll wash the dishes, and all I hear in my head is uh-oh, he's judging me.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: He's mad because I didn't cook or I didn't do things on time.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, but he didn't say it.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's the thing.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's not him, it's something.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's this internal thing, and I've been working with I've had that so hard coming out of my marriage totally.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_02: Ah, yes.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_02: Coming out of my marriage, that was a real thing that I had to break.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_02: And Chuck was a huge help for that.
• 32:11
  unknown: Yeah.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_02: Especially after I had Corbin, I was six weeks, wasn't able to do anything from having surgery.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_02: Chuck had to take care of the house for six weeks.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't even drive.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't able to do laundry, dishes, cooking.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_02: So for six weeks, he's working full time.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, trying to take care of me because I just had surgery, helping with all the home stuff.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_02: I still have I have four kids at home at this point.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're packing up a house to move.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like and you're moving.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, you were moving at the same time.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: I can't handle just I'm stressed hearing about it, but you handled it with grace.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: So every time I say she's got grace, she laughs because I can think of all the moments where she doesn't have grace.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: Come on.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: You're human, right?
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: But what I love about this is that you are able to lean when you need to on each other.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a true partnership.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that so much.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm very fortunate.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't have the flexible life that I have with my children if it wasn't for his hard work.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: Hard work.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then being able to stand back and really see it on both sides.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: Because he was a full-time parent.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_02: He had his son full-time since he was a baby.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like talking like newborn.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_02: So he worked full-time and took care of his son full-time.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_02: So he knew what it was like to be a full-time caretaker.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I see it when I see him.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: When he comes and he picks the kids up and he picks it up, I'm just like.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_02: He says, like, I would not want to be home all day with the kids.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's not a job that I would want.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_02: So we both really appreciate it.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: Doing what you want to do.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's a beautiful thing.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: Gosh, communication really goes a long way, doesn't it?
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're able to tell each other this thing.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: Appreciating it.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: Appreciating it.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_02: Because I mean, I've been in a situation where my job was to take care of my home and my kids, but the appreciation and the communication and the words were so different.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_02: Then you just feel smaller and you you don't enjoy it.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_02: Like the the fun times of being a parent are just drained.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas now I still get overstimulated.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_02: But I can turn on the music and have the dance party in the kitchen and we're having fun.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, like those moments are more enjoyable.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the fact that because you know at the core of it is your relationship.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_02: As well.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like he's not gonna come home and get upset that there's still dishes in the sink.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_02: That used to stress me out.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about that.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_02: No, I could not the thought of my spouse coming home knowing that there's like laundry not done or dishes, or I haven't started dinner and it's almost 4 30.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like the stress that would pump through my body.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_02: And Chuck noticed that when we got together.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_02: And he had to like keep telling me, like, don't do anything.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we're gonna order dinner tonight.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm on my way home.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_02: You haven't started dinner?
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_02: Let's just order in.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like, he was so good about just being like, sit down.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: Why are you mopping the floors again?
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_02: You did it two days ago.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like, stop.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_02: So he helps you with your own boundaries.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_02: He helps me with my boundaries with everything.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: How to set boundaries with people.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: He is a very good person with boundaries.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_02: The way that he sets boundaries with work, his business, people.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_02: Asked you having a business, yeah.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's hard to do.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_02: It is hard to do.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but as an adult, you just have to decide which walls you need to put up firm.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: And he helped me with that.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then the fact that he also helps you with your own kind of stresses narrative and your own boundaries.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my divorce.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, he took on a huge role.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_02: He came into my life and took on two children.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's a huge role.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: In the midst of kind of transitioning.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_02: He has he is, yes, me coming out of going through a divorce.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_02: Ah, that's tough.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_02: Is a lot of court stuff.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's a huge load scary.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: And then, I mean, as you know, there's more engraved in that, which is very heavy.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's stuff, you know, like Atlas goes through his own challenges with as he gets older with his father.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, it's just me going through pregnancy.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_02: My pregnancy at near the end was a little bit scary.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_02: And he had to carry that and be brave and my c-section and all of those things.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I think we should just call the show Chuck and Small Time.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_02: Just sit here and be like, I love Chuck.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: Chuck's amazing.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: We love you, Chuck, Charles.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: We love you.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: We love Chuck.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think what's so important about this too is celebrating our spouses and where that role is.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: And like I have you on here because what I see with the naked eye sees is Carly, children driving, lunches that are beautiful, early, always early, and just looking on the lunches.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: They don't like the lunges.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'll take their lunches.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_02: Why don't I get the packet snacks?
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: So and so get fruit snacks and juice.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: So the lunch.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: Always, always.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: You mean their kids.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: So there you go.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that because like it's easy to just go, gosh, he does so much, which you do, and we all know that, but you're still giving that kudos to the partnership.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: The partnership is what's helping you navigate this life that is not easy.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that is part of how you're handling things with grace and are able to get grace, like places on time.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: But he is, he is.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: I love the rock of our family.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: You found your partner.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that this is a this is central and that we're talking about this because we need to hone in on that.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like if a partnership is not strong, something needs to change with that.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like either we talk about this and fix it before just running and deciding that the kids need the fixing or the house needs the fixing.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: What we need is to see where the foundation starts and you strengthen that foundation.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's so important for my children.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_02: Coming from what they remember from my marriage to this is like night and day.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_02: Night and day.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_02: And it's so important, especially, well, no, actually for both.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: I can't say it's important, more important for either.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_02: Atlas is learning how to, you know, grow up and be a man or how to be an adult and how to treat his spouse one day if that's what he chooses to do.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_02: And then Willow is seeing how it is to be treated by a man and what is acceptable and what is okay.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's funny because like when we're like hugging and kissing, they're always like, ew, don't.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_02: And they look like, ew, no kissing, ew, Corbin.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's funny.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_02: But it's important, you know, for them to see affection.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think healthy affection.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think we should absolutely save all that TDA for it being in front of the kids.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, see it.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing, there's no shame in that.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, like definitely a pro age appropriate affection.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: We gotta keep this show PG too.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel you on that.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think and we used to be really shy about that, my husband and I.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then I've realized what's there to be shy about?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: No, the kids love it.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: I found some like old recordings my daughter took when she was a toddler as well.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, ooh, and then how are you recording then, right?
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because yeah, they like it.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like that too.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: So expanding your family and how how a blended family like really differs from the everyday family.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: But we've covered all of that, which I think is really amazing.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go back to you and Chuck, because that is the foundation of how you're able to handle this with four children and the complexities of that.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: How do you guys find time for each other?
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like how usually just laying in bed, putting on one of my uh TV shows that Chuck claims he doesn't like, but he always is caught up on any oh I know.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_02: Of course he is.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_02: You'll like get in and like turn it on.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, mm-hmm.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_02: Now you're a little bit of a gamer.
• 40:15
  unknown: Yeah.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_02: Or a lot of a gamer.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_02: A little bit pre-I would say a lot more pre-baby.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_02: Pre-Corbin, we had more time, right?
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_02: But now Corbin.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_02: And he joined now.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_02: But let me ask the reason why I'm asking.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_02: That was our date night.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_02: That was, yeah.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_02: Pre-Corbin.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_02: We would uh he would go on his computer and I'd be in the bedroom.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_02: Oh we'd be playing like Call of Duty, but in different rooms with our headsets on.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_02: That is the cutest thing I've ever heard in my life.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: Get together a little online group and oh I feel like I'm gonna tell you.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: So we came, we came by your place, and George just kind of like walked in just nonchalantly, and then he saw your setup.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: PlayStation.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: And he was just like, What?
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: A wife that plays, or a spouse or a partner that plays with their partner?
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like he he doesn't even, it's unheard of for him because I don't do that.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: But that's kind of like it's about this a la carte business.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_00: I need to learn to pick and choose the things that would probably bring George more joy.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: And that's one thing.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I got competitive.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_02: We ended up playing like with my brother-in-law.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like we oh no, we met people like in the States who we still talk to who play in the same group as us.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like we, yeah.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's more like movies and shows and um late night, like date nights in bed.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like kids have eaten, well, let's order something.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_02: We'll just eat it together.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like stuff like that.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_02: So you most of our talks are well.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_02: Have you ever been around when Chuck calls me and gives me his play by the for the whole day?
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_02: I kind of have I try not to eavesdrop.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well, he'll call me randomly during the day and it's just like, oh, just to let you know this, this, and this happened.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, oh wow.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_02: That's your case.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_02: I I know everybody that he works with.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_02: I know everyone that's on his job size, I know everything about them.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_02: I know everything stupid they've done at work.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_02: If you've messed up, I know.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_02: If you've ran over something, I know.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_02: If you've broken something, I know all about it.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_02: If you were late for work, I love that.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_02: I know everything.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_02: She's like his like his right-hand woman, like really.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_02: He'll tell me things.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, well, did you ask them like what happened next?
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_02: He was like, no.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, don't tell me these things anymore.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I need follow-up questions.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_01: I need follow-up.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_01: I need next.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think every partner needs to know that their partner wants to know what's going on in their life.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think I'm probably his like most called person.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love that.
• 42:43
  unknown: That's so cute.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_00: That is so cute.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure it's the same for you, too.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you can't.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, he thinks, yeah, but he's like, what is she calling me about now?
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, hi, what's going on?
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, just letting you know I did the laundry.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, what?
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, Corbin did this.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, oh.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_02: Or just sending photos to each other.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_02: All the time.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_02: I send photos of Corbin doing everything.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because he's so funny.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really proud of Chuck because he posts pictures.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because I always like look at George and I'm like, why aren't you ever posting anything?
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: What's wrong with you?
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: It just seems like it's one sided in the social.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_00: So people call him sometimes the Instagram husband, but he actually, he actually isn't because he doesn't like join in the fun sometimes.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's just because he just doesn't want to log on.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: He got rid of his Facebook account.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: I love the idea that you both have like you could see this equal amount of like, if we're gonna talk about the 50-50, like the way you celebrate your family, it's very much equal.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like you really just saying, hey, this is this is what my kid did today, and that and you do the same.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: I just think it's so wild.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_02: He's always reposting.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_02: But we are both like very like quiet on social media.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's still with family, yeah, family and friends.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_00: I like to consider myself part of the family.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_00: You are.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, totally.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I get to see it.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for that.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now bound.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go back to the boundaries.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: What are things that you do to protect your peace in general?
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: And we can get with the logistics too.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you use any tools or do you do a practice?
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like what is it that you do that can get?
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, obviously the ability to sit down and talk to Chuck at the days.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's huge.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh what about your own practices like with yourself?
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_00: Is there anything that you do?
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_02: I other than Chuck, I would say that I rely like heavily on my faith.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's like the biggest thing that gets me through.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_02: And that's not something I had pre-divorce.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_02: So coming out of my separation and going through a couple of years of my separation and then finding my faith, I see a huge difference in how I can handle things.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then also just kind of bringing myself back to reality, right?
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like I have so much to be grateful for.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_02: So much.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_02: And there's so many things that I have now that if I looked back five years ago, I was like, oh, I hope one day I have this, I hope one day I have that.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm keep looking this way instead I should should be.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's beautiful.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: I think that comes down to the faith.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, totally.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, faith really is gratitude.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then knowing you are taken care of.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_02: And like respecting my partner.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like I don't need to put him down for me to feel bigger.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm struggling, it's because I am struggling.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's not because like I need to point fingers at him and be like, pick up your socks.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like his socks on the floor is not really gonna, it's not the downfall of my day.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's my four children going if there is that's the downfall of the day, that there's wake up.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_02: You have bigger fish to fight.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: But boundaries are a big thing in our family.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_02: We set boundaries and the kids know what boundaries are for.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_02: They don't stay in the boundaries always.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: But when they out like step outside of the boundaries and they get hurt or something happens, they are reminded natural consequence.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, if I had just stayed over there, that wouldn't have happened to me.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: So, like they do get a little bit more cautious afterwards.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_02: But boundaries work for us.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: And um, what about boundaries for yourself with the people you surround yourself with?
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: Do you even have time for social life?
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_02: I would say I'm very selective with my social life.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_02: Early teens or late teens, early 20s, I was more like all about the friends.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, all about the friends.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: My priorities were so different.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_02: And then I had kids, took until my separation for me to really decide what was the most important to me.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: And honestly, it was like finding like myself.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_02: So I could be a better mom and be a good partner and to be happy with being a mom and being a partner.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: When did that happen though?
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: The boundaries, even at my age, in my time in my life, I'm still having a hard time.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard because you don't want to disappoint people.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_00: Being a people pleaser.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_00: Did you have people pleasing as part of your repertoire?
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I would say probably.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_02: Just like growing up and trying to tiptoe around adults' emotions or their feelings.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I would say a lot of my parenting has come from how I was raised or the lack of.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: So time management.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_00: Time management.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_00: Does that have something to do with it?
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_00: Huge.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: Huge.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to me about time management.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm chronically early, Debbie.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_02: I kind of know the answer to this.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_02: This is cool.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_02: Even when I think I'm gonna be late, okay.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm 30 minutes early.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I had to beg her to not come early.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, please don't come on.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: I got here on time.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_00: She got no, you're here.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_00: You're early.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're early because I gave you a time frame and you came to the earlier part of the time frame.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I have always admired that.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_00: I tease you on it, and I'm like, when I grow up, I want to be just like Carly, and let's just tell you on like when I grow up means when I grow down, when I start things over.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_00: I really admire your time management.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_00: But you've kind of comes from trauma.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say you play it down a little bit.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_02: I was just always late.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_02: My mom, you know, bless her, she did the best that she could with the tools that she had, but she has zero concept of time.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing, nothing, there's no urgency in getting her out the door.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I was late for everything.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_02: Or I would be like waiting after like a dance class.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's tough.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_02: For an hour.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_02: Where's my mom?
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, she just strolling along.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: And there was no cell phones for me to be like, mom, where are you?
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like calling her work, calling her friend's house, trying to track her down.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: There is such a thing as island living or island time.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a thing that's with many of us, and she's got no judgment with mom for me because I have been really hard myself with lateness, and a lot of it is a lack of understanding of they call it time blindness when you have kind of the way my brain is set up.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_00: I have a hard time, and George has lived this, and I see him in my periphery.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_00: And he's trying not to uh he's trying not to uh go like this.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I have spent a big chunk of my life saying, what am I doing to my kids?
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm always rushing them because I do have a lot of circumstances that don't allow me to have the flexibility of time.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_00: The same with you, you have four kids.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_00: And different though.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_00: Four different, you know, four different schedules, but at the same time, time management is key.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna get a little bit like I structure everything in my brain.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so structuring your brain or structure on an app.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_02: No, we have no app.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_02: I have like the regular calendar app that I put stuff in there, okay, like appointments, and like I know when I need to be somewhere in my brain because I remind myself every day up until that point when I need to be there.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I've like mapped out the parking.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_03: You have.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because what if there's construction or what if there's not proper parking, like a parking lot.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_00: And one should do that.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, and I don't do that.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_00: They shouldn't.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: You play it down, but I gotta say, it's admirable because there's a regard and respect for other people.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I do, yeah, respecting people's time, I think because felt like it was not fun.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_02: Not fun waiting after school and like your mom's not there or like after class.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_02: So my kids just know I'm outside that school an hour currently waiting for that.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think that gives the safety.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think when going back to the fact that it's a blended family, I think it's key for all these kids to feel safe.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_00: And there's nothing safer than knowing that they can rely on you.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: And again, no shade on mama because I live for my kids.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_00: I do, it's all I think about.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, I still have this complication with time blindness.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_00: I over-promise things to other people.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm trying to fix that because it's yeah, boundaries.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna have Carly on her show.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go, let's talk about boundaries.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_00: Can you teach me how to do that?
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm excited for you because with Corbin kind of completing the picture and stuff, it's like now the structure in your house, the boundaries place, knowing who you want to be surrounded with, like there's just so much good juju going on here.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_02: And you think like in your 20s, you think you've had it all figured out, right?
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_02: You think I've set the boundaries, I know what I want to do, I know this.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_02: And moving out at 16, I thought I had it then.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_02: But no, no, no, you really can't read a book.
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's like, you that's when the walls go up.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, bye.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_02: I love that too.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_02: Cause my phone is always on do not disturb.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_02: I never answer it.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_02: It never rings.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_02: The only person it rings for is Charles.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_00: When I implemented some of those technical things, that was a game changer.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_00: So do you have other technical things that you can share with us?
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because we gotta know.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: I know you don't use like apps and all that stuff, and you are basing a lot of your experiences from your past.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: But is there other things that kind of help push you kind of like out the door to is there anything else?
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_00: No, I just set my time in my head before I have to be there.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_02: Do we use alarms?
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_02: Uh no, just in my head.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_02: Just in your head.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_02: Gosh, I just know when I need to go.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_02: Just put it on my neck and just like, okay, this is.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm panicking the whole way there.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm mapping out every minute.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like, can I shave a few minutes off of this drive?
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I love that.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_02: I love that you didn't, because that's really But then there's Chuck, who again is just so like air free.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, Oh, we have to be there for this time.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let's just take our time.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm sitting there like you down to Earth a little bit with us.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_02: Or you bring him down to Earth.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_02: No, like we called to like order dinner the other day.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_02: And they're like, it'll be ready in 20 minutes.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_02: Ten minutes go by, and I'm looking at him and I'm like, You can leave?
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, it's five minutes down the road.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yeah, but it's ready in 10 minutes.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_02: You are so George.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_02: You're so George.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_02: What do you mean?
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna be late for the food.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_02: But was he late?
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_02: He got there in his time.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't care.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_02: But see, this is the problem.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_02: There's no problem.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_02: He gets there in time.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_02: No, but then he gets there on time.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, this is the how did you get every green light?
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_02: How did I get every red light?
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying this is the problem, is that we're never meeting these consequences.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_00: We keep getting rewarded and like we just make it time for school bell, and that's the thing.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_00: But the shame that goes with it, I'm like so tired of it.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I want to implement some of like how you do it, because I think it's just incredible.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I need to ask you, now that we talked about all the wonderful things, the reality, the truth behind blended families, I need to ask you if you were to bottle up one motherhood moment that really truly sums up the love that you have in your blended family, what would that be?
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know one moment, but I will never forget the day that the kids came into the hospital room to meet Corbin.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_02: That was that was a really uh sweet moment for all of them.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_02: And even more meaningful for each.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that was just because I got to see all of them just look at this little being.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_02: And each one of them had like a different reaction.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_02: So the night before, we were sitting down at the table and we're kind of explaining to the kids like, I'm going into the hospital, they're gonna do a surgery, and then we're gonna have a baby.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_02: And Wyatt so innocently goes, Oh, Atlas, who's my oldest, I hope he has your skin color.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_02: And we're like, Well, then there's like a no one.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like uh that'd be great, buddy, but no.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_02: So he comes into the hospital room and he sees Corbin and he goes, Dad, he's the same as us.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_02: He looks like you and me.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_02: I love him.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_02: Well, Atlas, like, I wanted him to look at you, but he looks like me.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's so excited.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_02: Atlas comes in the room and right away comes to me.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_02: How are you, mom?
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_02: Are you a so on brand?
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_02: So on brand, loves me.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_02: Willow comes in the room straight to the baby.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_02: Mom, we're gonna take the baby home, you stay here, okay?
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_02: Bless.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_02: So they all had a different reaction.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_02: And it was it all made sense.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_02: Willow's like, I'm gonna take the baby, you stay here.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_02: Alice is like, Mom, you you you come home, baby can stay here.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_02: No, and then Flyett at first was like, oh, the baby's we're not bringing the baby home today, right?
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_02: Can the baby stay here?
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_02: We're like, well, we have to take the baby home.
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_02: He came around.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_02: Things changed.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_02: But it was a cute moment.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, all of them had their own special moment.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_02: Please tell me you're gonna be able to do that.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_02: But for me to have, I don't know.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, but for me to have that moment with my oldest coming to me, making sure I'm okay, was a really sweet.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_02: Aren't you proud of that?
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's a really special kid.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_00: So if we're gonna go back to that little tiny word shame, you might have given birth to the idea of shame as a a young mom.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you look back now and go, gosh, I did it right.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because that little boy is nothing but love.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's no one else's opinion that matters.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's the opinion of yours in your brain that wasn't right.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_00: His proving that theory wrong, that like the fact that a single mama, like I'm trying not to cry because I know this little boy.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's great.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know him.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_00: His heart is so big.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he's fantastic.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_02: You raised that on your own.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_02: He's a he's a really great kid.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_02: He says um some really special things.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_02: He really does.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he does.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_00: The heart and soul of that.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I feel like the beginning of your story of parenthood started with that little boy and you'd like to be able to do it.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I grew up with him.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_02: Grew up with him.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, 21 years old.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_02: I you think you're so grown, but I was a baby having a baby.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, baby having a baby, but then and he taught you as much as you taught him.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just a beautiful thing.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that it comes full circle.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then he still takes care of you.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's just a beautiful thing.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, he's lovely.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm not feeling well, he's like asking what he can get me.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm thirsty, he's like getting me water.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_00: And let's be clear, you don't ask him to do these.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_02: No, he's running after to do things for me.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's like when I start to clean, Willow's like, Can I clean the baseboards, Mom?
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, here's a way.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you're gonna receive it.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, come on.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, totally.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_00: But it but I love how you said before.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, I'm not gonna allow it.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you get it all done.
• 57:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you gotta do it.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's a boundary.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_02: There's all sorts of little thing that we wake up and I give them their cleaning list.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm just kidding.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_02: The only thing they have to do is make their bed.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, gosh.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_02: Every day they make their bed.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_02: Every day they have to clean their room.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_02: Not that they do it.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, they have to.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_02: My gosh.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_02: That's me to come my.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_02: I grew up.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_02: My aunt used to tell me, my auntie's Sue.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_02: I love her.
• 57:58
  SPEAKER_02: She told me, if your bed is made, the rest of your room is gonna look tidy.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_02: And if your kitchen is clean, the rest of your house will feel more inviting and clean.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_02: So the two things that are always stuck in my head are make my bed and clean my kitchen.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_02: Because if people come over, the first place they gather is like in your kitchen.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_00: Kitchen.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's the first thing they see.
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody, your kids, yourself.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_02: Or if you are like a host and you have like, yeah, you know, hey, bringing food out for people.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_02: They're in your, yeah.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_02: So that is really that then you go into your room and that's your mental space.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_02: Is your head like your space a mess?
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_02: Then you're gonna be a mess.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_00: I would challenge what Auntie Seusset would do best.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think that if you make your bed, I think that sets the tone for your entire day.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_00: No, it does.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, totally.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_00: Not just your room, but like your No, it does.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_02: I mean your head space.
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_02: And getting into a made bed.
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_02: Ugh.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like when I first met Chuck, I was like, what?
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_02: How do you go to bed without making your bed first?
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_02: I think I could tell when his mom was there that day and when she wasn't.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_02: Because his bed would be perfectly made, laundry folded.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_02: She would come in and do it.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_02: Because at the time she was running a daycare underneath where he lived.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_02: So she would come upstairs and do all these things.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love it.
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_02: And then I could tell, like on the weekend, I was like, whoa.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_02: She was here.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_02: My mom was not here today.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_02: She wasn't here today.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, that's true.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_00: I I struggle with that.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_00: She worked so hard.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, and you know, there's certain personalities that like the first thing they think about is the bed.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, it's I my struggle is that I my brain wants to do it, but my time won't allow me to.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the fact that I like sleep late, I think your day kind of starts the night before.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's one thing that I have to say that I do you think you really value your sleep, your rest.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_00: You make sure Corbin.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_00: Pre-Corbin.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_00: You made sure that rest was a priority.
• 59:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I think pre-corbin, I was getting up at 4 30.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_02: You would wake up early, but you'd sleep early too.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_02: I'd still go to bed early.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's uh that is a tool that we could put in our and I do this thing where if I can do it in 30 steps or 30 seconds, then I'm just gonna do it.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I could like see, like I'm in the bathroom and I brush my teeth and I put my toothpaste down and I start to walk away.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_02: And in my head, I'm like, it could take you less than 30 seconds to put that away.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I turn around, I grab it and I put it away.
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_02: Otherwise, I'm gonna be like, you could have just put that away.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_02: Why didn't you just put it away?
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_02: I love that mindset.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_02: Because I grew up, I have to actively tell myself to do everything.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_02: Cleaning doesn't come natural to me.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't?
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_02: Having getting up and taking care of like my surroundings and all of that does not, it's not something that I just grew up knowing to do.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_02: My space was never organized.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_02: My house was never clean.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_02: Meals weren't prepared.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_02: So I have to actually teach myself and rewire my brain to make it a habit.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_02: Because like you are a product of your upbringing until you decide to do it differently.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_02: So you decided to Atlas's age washing the dishes in my sink because I couldn't stand seeing them piled up anymore.
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_02: Or there was like mountains of laundry on my couch.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so I knew I'd never wanted that for my kids.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_00: So you ensure that that's a priority.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I because I know you as that clean person.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's why this whole thing shocks me.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can see my face.
• 1:01:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:01:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I like how I looked when you first told me you were pregnant with Corbin.
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_00: The fact that this wasn't something that just came naturally to you.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's that's actually good to hear.
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_00: I have to tell myself do do it.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that you can.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you can trick yourself in thinking, you know what?
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_00: I can do this unless you're.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_00: I feel so much better when it's done.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_00: Let me just point this out that this is my friend who also almost daily says, like when I will give her my little play-by-play of how busy life is, she's like, okay, so how can I help?
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do?
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_00: I can clean your house.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_00: I can come.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_00: Let me help you.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_00: And you you authentically mean because she actually did when we had to drop things and leave the city.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you took that role that we could absolutely rely on and trust.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I felt so safe knowing that my home was taken care of.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_00: And sure enough, we came home to the cleanest house ever.
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, we messed it right back up again when we unloaded all the stuff.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_00: But what I loved about that is that you, this the sacredness of cleanliness for you, you bring it into the people that you love too.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone knows me as that lady.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_02: No, but you bring it to their own.
• 1:02:22
  SPEAKER_02: My other friend was like, oh, can I borrow your uh what was it?
• 1:02:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um your carpet cleaner.
• 1:02:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I have got two.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_02: You want the little one or the big one?
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_02: This is not an exaggeration.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_02: I just got a really cool new mop.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, vacuums and mops at the same time.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_02: So my cleaning is cut in half.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you very much.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_00: I use it every day.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna have to talk about that.
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love that the best.
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, thank you so much.
• 1:02:43
  SPEAKER_00: Lead is up.
• 1:02:43
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Chuck.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_00: We love Chuck.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, one more thing.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's called the fast round.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, are you ready?
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is called spill the sayas.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do it.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_00: So the truth comes in the speed.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever comes to mind, you're going to I have like the brain of a goldfish after having a baby.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_00: So what a goldfish can say about this, then.
• 1:03:04
  SPEAKER_00: Are you ready?
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_00: One word to describe your parenting style right now.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_00: Chaotic.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_00: One thing you secretly let slide in your home.
• 1:03:14
  unknown: Oh.
• 1:03:16
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like, can you give me an example?
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I have one.
• 1:03:22
  SPEAKER_02: When my daughter bangs her toe on something hard and it hurts her, she gives it the middle finger.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you let it you let them just kind of like curse the go and give it, and then she goes, Yeah, and then she feels better.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_02: Because she did it, and then Chuck came and banged his toe on the same thing, was like, ow, ow.
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_02: And he she goes, One note would make you feel better.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I let it slide.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_02: We let it slide.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, that's what good curses are used appropriately.
• 1:03:54
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 1:03:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, within context.
• 1:03:56
  SPEAKER_02: Within context.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_00: Biggest pet peeve that you just cannot let go of in your home.
• 1:04:02
  SPEAKER_02: Uh in my home?
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_02: Or in your family, in your life.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_02: Probably like chewing with your mouth open.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'll remember that.
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_02: Dinner rules.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm talking like kids and talking to me.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like trying to like hear what they're like, what did you just say?
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_00: And they're still saying again.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's that one.
• 1:04:19
  SPEAKER_00: I feel you on that.
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_00: But with adults too, for me.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_00: I could do that sometimes.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_00: Parenting hack, you swear by.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we do no screen time during the week.
• 1:04:30
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 1:04:31
  SPEAKER_02: Or school weeks.
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_02: Summer's a little more relaxed.
• 1:04:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_02: But it forces them to come home and play like Connects or Magnetals, Legos.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_02: Do you have it ready?
• 1:04:40
  SPEAKER_02: Uh well, it's in their rooms.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_02: They can do it.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, yes, it's there.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_02: Weekends, that's you know, weekends we do like our family movie nights, our um big beds in the living room where they get to have their snacks and their yeah.
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, not during school days.
• 1:04:54
  SPEAKER_02: But not during school days.
• 1:04:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:55
  SPEAKER_02: And it works for us.
• 1:04:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because their moods are different.
• 1:04:57
  SPEAKER_02: We actually we don't have to come down from like the screen times and because we did have that.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_02: And we had to break that cycle.
• 1:05:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:05:05
  SPEAKER_02: Especially when I had Willow and Wyatt home because they weren't in school.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_02: Having to detox this because we had I didn't do screens then either.
• 1:05:13
  SPEAKER_02: So they had to play with each other.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_02: And they were free.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_02: Because we can easily go through like five hours of TV.
• 1:05:18
  SPEAKER_00: And where did the day go?
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_00: Of course you can.
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_00: But you chose not to play.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_00: You chose the hard path.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because that is the hard path.
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_00: But it actually is the easier one in the long run.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_00: In the long run, yes.
• 1:05:27
  SPEAKER_02: That's why no.
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_02: Uh that's a good no TV.
• 1:05:30
  SPEAKER_02: My kids think it's a prison.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_00: Soul mine.
• 1:05:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:05:35
  SPEAKER_00: All right, here we go.
• 1:05:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you were stranded on a non-Victorian island with just you, your kids, and Chuck, what is one thing that is in your just-in-case bag?
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_00: For my kids or for me?
• 1:05:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I should say.
• 1:05:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, maybe it's just the let's keep it being.
• 1:05:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, your kids are there, so maybe kid friendly.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_00: Could be friendly.
• 1:05:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm bringing them video games if I'm stuck on an island.
• 1:05:59
  SPEAKER_00: You'll get okay.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's where we're gonna get flexible with screen time.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 1:06:03
  SPEAKER_00: Take the video game so I can go find some food.
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_00: So you can actually get things done.
• 1:06:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and use it as a tool.
• 1:06:10
  SPEAKER_00: There's your other hack.
• 1:06:11
  SPEAKER_00: And they won't complain.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_00: And they won't complain.
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_00: Your whole cruise in the SUV.
• 1:06:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's a scenario.
• 1:06:18
  SPEAKER_00: Chuck is not there.
• 1:06:19
  SPEAKER_00: And we we know Chuck, when he's there, he'll help out.
• 1:06:21
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this is this is gonna be the ticket.
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_00: He's not there.
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:06:25
  SPEAKER_00: You got two kids.
• 1:06:25
  SPEAKER_00: They're hungry.
• 1:06:27
  SPEAKER_00: One, the third one is napping.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:06:30
  SPEAKER_00: I can take a guess who that is.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_00: And one needs the bathroom.
• 1:06:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you're already running late.
• 1:06:36
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, so two are hungry, one sleeping, one needs the bathroom.
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_02: Bathroom.
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_02: And there's a dairy queen.
• 1:06:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's your everyday.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_00: So give it to me.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a dairy queen?
• 1:06:45
  SPEAKER_00: Dairy queen.
• 1:06:46
  SPEAKER_02: But you're running late.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm running like how late?
• 1:06:50
  SPEAKER_02: How late are we talking?
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_02: What's the deal here?
• 1:06:53
  SPEAKER_02: Gosh, I think.
• 1:06:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're late or like my type of late where I'm like, I'm still early.
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_00: Where are we going?
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_00: Human late.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not Carly late.
• 1:07:01
  SPEAKER_00: Normal human late.
• 1:07:02
  SPEAKER_00: Late, late.
• 1:07:03
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you're not running late.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you're you would feel the pain of you walking in.
• 1:07:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, well, I'm pulling over on the side of the road and I'm letting Willow go pee.
• 1:07:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:07:10
  SPEAKER_02: She should have used the bathroom.
• 1:07:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's usually her.
• 1:07:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:07:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's usually her.
• 1:07:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:07:13
  SPEAKER_02: Then I'm giving Willow a snack that I have in the car because she's also the one who's hungry.
• 1:07:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, she's the one who's hungry too.
• 1:07:18
  SPEAKER_02: I love her.
• 1:07:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:07:19
  SPEAKER_02: Little girl.
• 1:07:20
  SPEAKER_02: I always have snacks because Corbin.
• 1:07:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, perfect.
• 1:07:23
  SPEAKER_02: And there's which one's sleeping?
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's probably not Corbin.
• 1:07:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was going to say Corbin.
• 1:07:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe not Corbin.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, yeah, whoever you could.
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_02: Which is also why I have to be early.
• 1:07:32
  SPEAKER_02: I have to think about when am I breastfeeding Corbin?
• 1:07:35
  SPEAKER_02: What if he has a blowout?
• 1:07:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, good.
• 1:07:37
  SPEAKER_02: What if he's crying and I have to pull over because he doesn't like the car?
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't have to do that.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_00: What if Willow has to pee?
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_02: Because you always think of the worst case scenario.
• 1:07:44
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I do think of the worst.
• 1:07:45
  SPEAKER_02: Running out the door.
• 1:07:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, Willow, go pee first.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_02: Wyatt, you're next.
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_02: Atlas, go.
• 1:07:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we have to do it.
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_02: Water bottles.
• 1:07:52
  unknown: Hats.
• 1:07:52
  SPEAKER_00: Are we ready?
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_00: You have to run them like we gotta the checklist going.
• 1:07:56
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'll see them get in the car.
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, that one didn't bring water on it.
• 1:07:59
  SPEAKER_02: That one didn't bring a hat.
• 1:08:00
  SPEAKER_02: We'll have it.
• 1:08:01
  SPEAKER_02: They won't know.
• 1:08:02
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'll make sure that so I'll have it.
• 1:08:03
  SPEAKER_02: And we'll be driving down the road.
• 1:08:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, hope you all have your hat.
• 1:08:07
  SPEAKER_02: And you see them panicking.
• 1:08:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's the hack.
• 1:08:11
  SPEAKER_02: I love that hat.
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_02: I've done that before.
• 1:08:13
  SPEAKER_02: That's the bad part.
• 1:08:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's the bad mom in me.
• 1:08:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, well, that's a smart mom.
• 1:08:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a yeah, I have like a sick sense of humor sometimes.
• 1:08:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 1:08:20
  SPEAKER_00: For my children.
• 1:08:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm here for it.
• 1:08:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm writing notes because I'm writing mental notes.
• 1:08:25
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 1:08:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you pass the test.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not I'm not fast.
• 1:08:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, no, you explain.
• 1:08:31
  SPEAKER_00: I like it, but you know, you answered.
• 1:08:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, it's hard for you to just come up with many kids.
• 1:08:37
  SPEAKER_00: Many kids, we can't just come up with one word.
• 1:08:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I will give you grace.
• 1:08:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 1:08:41
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, I think this is a perfect time to say we learned as much as we possibly could in the hour that we had with you.
• 1:08:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I'm so grateful to you because there's so much to learn.
• 1:08:55
  SPEAKER_00: The whole purpose of the show was for me to see how other people do it in the scenario they're in, in their, in their way of life.
• 1:09:03
  SPEAKER_00: And you are completely unapologetically yourself.
• 1:09:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so are your children.
• 1:09:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that is the biggest takeaway.
• 1:09:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's how you can that's how you can you can manage this craziness and loveliness and amazingness of a of a blended huge family to me.
• 1:09:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's huge.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm I'm really grateful to you for that.
• 1:09:25
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have any other last words to share for anyone who's entering or who's living the true reality of blended family life or about to enter it?
• 1:09:34
  SPEAKER_00: Is there any words of wisdom that you can share with them?
• 1:09:37
  SPEAKER_00: Just love it.
• 1:09:38
  SPEAKER_00: Take it slow.
• 1:09:39
  SPEAKER_00: Take it and receive.
• 1:09:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, take it in and receive.
• 1:09:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like there's gonna be days where the noise is so much, but I think about my future and I think about sitting at my table and what I want it filled with.
• 1:09:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I can't wait to have all of their kids extra noise running around, right?
• 1:09:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh or there's gonna be days where it's gonna be so quiet where I'm gonna be like, my kids.
• 1:10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or running in the halls when they're not allowed, or yelling at each other about taking each other's Legos, or I have to keep thinking that that forward thinking is where the gift lies because you can see what it could be eventually.
• 1:10:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you're embracing it.
• 1:10:15
  SPEAKER_00: So the words of wisdom is to embrace.
• 1:10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, slow down.
• 1:10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Slow down to get in.
• 1:10:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 1:10:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to say thank you to my wonderful Carly, and I want to say thank you to all the parents that are out there who are, you know, experiencing this world of a blended family and just all the challenges of it.
• 1:10:35
  SPEAKER_00: You are not alone.
• 1:10:36
  SPEAKER_00: You are seen and you are heard, and you are doing better than you think.
• 1:10:41
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for joining us here on Sass and Small Talk, the mental load of parenthood, because it takes a village to raise a child and a community to raise their parents.
• 1:10:52
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you on the next episode of Sass and Smalltalk.
• 1:10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 1:10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
• 1:11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I love trying to probably like it.
• 1:11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, you've got all these people, you have to get back to how long we go.