Latest / Ebbs of History / When the Queen's Makeup Was Poisoning Her
Transcript
- Jason: Lessons we've learned today. Time for the Fun Fact Challenge! This day in History! Welcome to the Ebbs of the show where we dive into the strangest, wildest, and sometimes downright creepiest stories the past to From dancing plagues to pirate queens, you'll laugh, you'll gasp, you'll even groan at my impeccable jokes. But most importantly, you'll learn how history is way cooler than your textbook ever told you. your history loving hosts, Jason. Gavin ⁓ and me, ⁓ And in every episode, the three us will take quick trip through time and see what lessons we can still learn today. This is the Ebbs of History. like ⁓ talking. Okay. ⁓ Hey there history lovers. Welcome back to another episode of the Ebbs of History. We're so glad you're here with us today. As you can tell, this is a special episode where I'm gonna narrate another episode. Yay! Wouldn't call it special. We've kinda been doing it now that you guys are more comfortable with the podcast, right? Gavin did it a couple times. This is my second. You didn't write this one like you did the last one though. No. But I like the topic and I wanted to I mean you did your ⁓ D task on it, right? No, this is not Radium Girls. how is everyone's week? ⁓ Well I guess I'll go first. ⁓ it was busy. ⁓ but I am now vacation, which is very, very ⁓ needed right now. ⁓ so I also got a new temporary put in so I have teeth now and I can actually sound like a normal person. Let's go Still waiting on the permanents and those will be in about two and a half weeks. So ⁓ it was a pretty good week then. But this upcoming week's gonna be fun 'cause I'm on vacation and we're going to San Francisco. I'm really excited. Some what are we going to San Francisco for? The Cubs game. That's right. And Alcatraz like a ton of other stuff. Well yeah, but we're going now because of the Cubs game. Alright. ⁓ so summer started. That's really fun. Heck yeah. the last week has been absolutely nothing. ⁓ Like like ⁓ Watching movies. Movie, movie, movie, movie, movie, movie. I had finals. I know. How about you, Zelly? It was pretty good. I feel like I'm screaming. It was pretty good. ⁓ it was definitely a lot that last week, but that Thursday was so worth it 'cause I got to leave and I was just like, Wow, I did that. It's over. It's over. It's just like it it's so surreal, you know? Mm-hmm. Like I feel like this year went by so fast. I do too. Like I feel like just yesterday we started this podcast, you know? We started that New Year's. Yeah, we started it New Year's. And we're in June now. I know. We started recording over Christmas break. Yeah. And here we are now on summer break. That's crazy. What do you guys think about it so far? I like it. Yeah. It's I'm gonna keep doing it. Good. Well said. It's good. ⁓ Two weeks ago we met Grace O'Malley, who sailed up the River Thames to stare down Queen Elizabeth I. Today, we stay with Elizabeth because there's a story everyone quote unquote knows that her own makeup slowly poisoned her to death. Perfect history lesson. Also, maybe not true. So this is gonna be s slightly different episode. Usually I tell you a wild story and at the end we talk about whether historians Believe it. Today ⁓ I'm going tell you the story everyone believes, and then we're going to ⁓ interrogate it we're true crime detectives. Buckle up, ⁓ the case file is open. ⁓ Ooh. Dun dun dun ⁓ Okay, first, the story everyone knows goes like this. It's October 10th, 1562. Queen Elizabeth I has been on the throne for almost four years. She's 29 years old. ⁓ comes down with what looks like a bad cold. Three days later, surprise, it's smallpox. In the 1500s, smallpox killed about ⁓ in three people. ⁓ survivors were usually scarred for life. There was no vaccine. There wasn't even a theory of vaccines yet. The plan, if you got smallpox, was basically try not to die and good luck. Dad, Gavin, quick question. If you were twenty nine years old, you had no kids, no spouse, and your job was the queen of England, what's the worst possible thing you could catch? I'm gonna guess smallpox. Yeah. Yeah. Because if it disfigures you And you're unmarried, that's not gonna be a very good thing for trying to get a suitor, you know? Even though she is the queen. Yeah. pox, actual pox, ⁓ not just because might kill you, but because if it doesn't, it's gonna mess up your face. ⁓ And in the hundreds, the queen's face was kind of a load bearing wall of the whole English government. Yeah. For ten days, Elizabeth lies at Hampton Court Palace burning with fever. Her doctors were clueless. One of them, and I am not making this up, wrapped her in red blankets. Why red? 'Cause he thought the color red would and I quote draw the fever out. That was Tudor Medicine for you. The the plan was vibes. That's just crazy, like Remember those episodes of horrible histories and they'd be in the hospital and they would talk about like tutor medicine and caveman medicine. Yeah. Yeah. It's there was some crazy stuff going on in tutor times for medicine. It's crazy how far we got. Yeah, right. Like they're still using the four humours at this point. Like like the with the yellow bile, whatever. Like probably still bloodletting. Yep. Well they were bloodletting for a long time. I know. Yeah. Leeches, whatever Gavin's saying. Anything. Okay. Anything to that includes blood. They also fed her barley water and poppy seeds, which at least kept her hydrated and slightly sleepy, which is honestly more than I expected from Renaissance healthcare. Meanwhile, her privy council is having a panicked midnight meeting trying to figure out who runs England if she dies. The Spanish ambassador, ⁓ a guy named De La ⁓ Quadra, is riding back to going. looks like she's goner. What do do? Spain, by the way, not forgotten that Elizabeth's half-sister Mary ⁓ was once their queen by marriage. ⁓ So they are absolutely paying attention. Elizabeth somehow survives. She wakes up, finds out about the secret meeting, and according to a real contemporary record, wept with rage. Gavin, on a scale of one to ten, how much trouble are those council guys in? As knowing who who she is, ten. It's her Privy Council. Do you know what the Privy Council is? No. Basically the people that advise her on what to do and how to be a queen. They're her closest people that think of the cabinet. Think of the cabinet of the ⁓ president. Yeah, exactly. It's that version in England. Yes. Yeah, like still ten. I mean I said eleven. Like that's eleven. They never forgot it. Two months later, the Spanish ambassador was still riding home Saying she was quote extremely angry with them. But two of her nurses also caught the smallpox. One of them, a longtime servant named Sibyl Penn, died about a month later. The other one, Lady Sidney, who also happened to be sister of Robert Dudley, Elizabeth's longtime best friend and probably the love of her life. Mary survived, but ⁓ she horribly, permanently scarred. Twenty one years later, Mary's husband, Sir Henry Sidney, wrote a memoir, and he described coming back from a trip abroad to find his wife. I want to read you what he actually wrote. He said he had left her a full fair lady, and returned to find her as foul lady as the smallpox could make her. Devastating. And the saddest part? Elizabeth, the queen that Mary saved, reportedly couldn't even look at her friend's scarred face anymore. She kept the Sydney family on the royal payroll for the rest of her life, which is one way to apologize, but the friendship was never quite the same. Speaking of Robert Dudley, during the smallpox crisis, when Elizabeth thought she was actually dying, she did one of the wildest things a queen has ever done on her deathbed. She gathered her counsel around her and made them swear they name Robert Dudley as protector of the kingdom if she died. Dudley was her childhood friend and most likely the love of her life. The council promised. ⁓ They had absolutely intention of doing it. And Elizabeth, ⁓ knowing that people whisper, ⁓ also publicly made quote, ⁓ as God was witness, ⁓ nothing improper had ever passed between and Dudley. even on her deathbed, this woman managed to maintain her image. is the of the story that we need to remember. ⁓ Because while Elizabeth physically recovered and went back to ruling and ruled for another forty years, building England into a global power, she came out of that smallpox episode with one new lesson burned into her brain. Her face was political. ⁓ blemish, every scar, every line was a piece of ammunition that could be used against her. If she looked weak, men would push her to marry. If she looked old, they'd push her to name a successor. If she looked sick, France and Spain would start moving troops to her ports. Her face had to look invincible. So she started painting it. Or did she? Now here comes the story that everyone tells you next. I want to stop here. Gavin, do you know anything about this? Remembering what you saw on horrible histories and things like that. Mm-hmm. What do you wha what is your version of this story? I remember she painted her entire face like and it like looked all bumpy and stuff. ⁓ but I know that it's like o arsenic poisoning or something like that. So that's what you think Uh-huh. Like there was arsenic in the makeup. the color of the makeup. Okay. I just wanted to get a baseline for before we go into it. ⁓ to popular version, ⁓ was so traumatized by what happened to Mary ⁓ was so worried about her own scars that she started painting her face with thick white makeup to hide them. Every day, layer by layer. the makeup called Venetian Cruz, a fancy name. Even fancier nickname, Spirits of Saturn. Sounds elegant, right? It was not. The was white lead. The metal ground into a powder and mixed with vinegar. Ew. ⁓ I ⁓ that stinks. ⁓ would not want to have vinegar ⁓ me. Poison vinegar ⁓ next to my nose. It's not even vinegar poisoning you, it's just the ⁓ I ⁓ That's like the worst makeup in the world. Yeah. No question. And it's f for the queen ⁓ England. Whew. You smear that on your face, the lead reacts with the air, and you get a perfectly smooth, glowing, ghosty white complexion. Like a Renaissance Instagram filter. except the filter was also slowly dissolving you. ⁓ Gavin, quick What do we know about lead in the year 2026? It causes ⁓ Poisoning. It causes death. Lead is poisoned. Yeah. Side effects may lead to death. Death, death, death, and death. Yeah. Do you know do you know what it does? Like no no no no no. Don't look at her script. Nice. I like to try. Alright, just go ahead. But Melts you like the wicked witch of the West. You don't know. You just that it's poisonous. Okay, go ahead, Zoe. Yeah. Lead is poison. It causes hair loss, blackened teeth, memory problems, depression, paralysis, and eventually death. ⁓ my. Dad, on a scale of one to ten, how good is it to put poison on your face every single day for forty years? I'm gonna go with negative a billion. Yes. Less than zero. That is the correct answer. But wait, it gets worse. The popular story says Elizabeth also wore bright red lipstick made from mineral called cinnabar. Cinnabar is mercury sulfide. ⁓ is also poison. ⁓ was wearing lead on her cheeks and forehead and mercury on her lips. ⁓ when she took the makeup off at the end of the week, because ⁓ yeah, the story says she sometimes left it on for a full week. She used a remover made of eggshells. Alum and even more mercury. ⁓ my god. Three poisons in one beauty routine. That is honestly impressive. This is like comedic. Yeah. The amount of poison she is putting on her face to make her look beautiful. The only non-poisonous thing in her entire makeup bag was apparently rose water wash. I guess, but. Probably like put a dabble of lead in there, just for good measure. Zoe, question for you. Do you take off your makeup every day? Yes. Exactly. Can you imagine wearing it for a week and only taking it off once a week? That's making her scars worse. I know. You think so? I mean if it's just sitting there. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And if you think of lead. I don't think that she cared about that. If this, you know because this is still Yeah. The story that we think we know. But It's all about looks. Yeah. You know, she probably didn't care what it was actually doing to her. First of all, they probably didn't know. Mm-hmm. But she probably didn't care because it made her skin smooth and not bumpy and gross and you know, small poxy. Yeah. The story keeps going. The lead corroded her real skin, so she had to wear more makeup to cover the damage from the makeup. By the end of her life, the story says her face was caked in foundation an inch thick. She banned mirrors from the palace because she couldn't stand to look. In 1599, when she was 66, her favorite courtier, the Earl of Essex, bust into her bedroom one morning. before her servants had painted her. He saw her barefaced, ⁓ old, haired, and scarred. She was furious. ⁓ She him under house arrest on the spot. Two years later he led an actual rebellion against her and got himself executed for it. ⁓ my god. Some historians think it all traces back to that one bad morning. The man saw behind the mask and couldn't see it. Okay, before we go on. Do we think that's true? I think parts of it are. Yeah. Not all of it, but it does seem a little bit sensational. Yeah. From the one inch thick makeup to him being imprisoned or house arrest for seeing her without makeup and you know, no mirrors around the castle. It it just all seems very fantastical to me. That's where my mind is right now. I believe the inch makeup. Yeah. But the the whole house like the whole right on the spot, the whole like that whole part of it. I don't think so. But I mean like we don't know the thickness of this foundation she was using in general. Like it could have just been a thick thing and then just like i outside like off her skin. Like Yeah. I don't know. then the big finish. Elizabeth died ⁓ sixteen ⁓ three at age sixty-nine. By some accounts, she had lost the ability to speak in her final weeks. The story says her funeral coffin was so saturated with chemical fumes from her makeup that her body literally exploded inside the casket. That's gotta be fake. Now pause. ⁓ 'cause that's crazy. ⁓ ⁓ the explodey corpse story on a scale of one to ten, how much does that sound like something a real historian would write down at the time? if it actually happened, I would say it's a big chance that it was written down. Mm-hmm. But was it? Probably not. So I don't believe that it happened. Now, I'm gonna bring this to William the Conqueror because when he died and he was in his casket, he literally exploded. It is written down, it is confirmed fact that his body exploded when they were trying to stuff him into his coffin. How though? Because it was the coffin was made of stone when he was a little bit younger. In the in the last like ten years of his life, he gained a lot of weight, became huge, and it had been a couple days since he had died when they were doing this and they were trying to shove him in there and he exploded. ⁓ Literally exploded. But that was written down. Mm-hmm. This I don't feel is written down because I've never heard this before. Mm-hmm. So this this one's news to me, the exploding thing, so I'm gonna say zero. Sounds like something from a cartoon. It does. It really does. Yeah, zero. That is exactly the right answer. That sounds like something an enemy made up for a Pamphlet. Spoiler, it probably was. There you go. Yeah. ⁓ here's the thing. Almost none of that Almost none of it was actually well documented. We are going to talk about what historians today actually believe in the historiography section. But first, let me hit you with a closer. Thirty-one years Elizabeth died, ⁓ in the year sixteen thirty-four, ⁓ Venetian Caruse was officially as a poison. The thing supposedly killed the most famous queen in English history ⁓ was finally banned three decades after she was already in ground. Was she a victim? A symbol? Or did people just invent a whole story because it makes such a satisfying ending? Cute dramatic music. Cute dad looking serious. Let's pull up the file. ⁓ Historphy. ⁓ is what modern historians think. Caruse was real. People ⁓ absolutely used it. And it absolutely killed most of them. ⁓ There's a documented case an eighteenth century socialite named Maria Countess of Coventry. ⁓ Close enough. Who died at twenty seven in seventeen sixty from years of devoted caruse use. The pub Carouse use. Not even saying it right. The public called her death by vanity. So this stuff was lethal. That part is not myth. But whether Elizabeth herself wore it heavily That's where it gets shaky. Historians Anna Rahal and Kate Maltby have argued that there's surprisingly little contemporary evidence that Elizabeth was a heavy Carouse user. Her detailed wardrobe accounts barely mention it. Most of the inch makeup descriptions ⁓ come after her death, ⁓ often people who didn't like her. Or from much later writers who liked a juicy story. The exploding coffin tale was mostly propaganda spread by an enemy. Even her death wasn't pinned to lead poisoning. The Royal Museum of Greenwich lists pneumonia, an infected tonsil, and cancer as more likely causes. ⁓ So this story isn't a lie exactly. It's a legend that grew, like a snowball rolling down four hundred years of this would make a great morality tale. we were right to be skeptical. Yeah. Yeah. All that stuff that you know that you were saying and I was like, Well, I don't know, that sounds a little bit, you know, fantastical. It was fantastical. Yeah. A huge ⁓ Part of our podcast kinda just encapsulated. Yep. Like question history. Yeah. What can we learn from this? looks have a lot to do the power you have. She thought that she had to paint her face ⁓ because her face was the face of the English Empire. Yeah. And if she looked weak ⁓ She wouldn't, you know, have to b she'd be put to marriage or whatever, you know. Like it it's just it was all about looks in her eyes. And I think that resonates today too. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ with Instagram and TikTok and all that kind of stuff. Everybody, you know, if you look if you look halfway decent, you can have a career doing nothing on social media, you know? And it's just like you you'll Prime example that I'm thinking of is actually when John F. Kennedy and Nixon were on a debate, the first televised debate, Nixon didn't wear makeup. He thought it was girly, so he didn't do it. John F. Kennedy did. The look of the two really turned the election for John F. Kennedy in that year. It did. Because he looked fresh faced and Nice, alive, and Nixon was sweaty and just looked horrible because you need to have makeup on on television. Yeah. ⁓ and so yeah, that's it's it's ⁓ van i I wouldn't say vanity, but the perception that your looks give have tremendous power. It's using your looks to an advantage. Yes. If you can use it to an advantage, do it. I thought ⁓ Insecurity just from Elizabeth plays so much of a role in this. 'Cause it's like she was so scared, like it's kind of off of you, but like she was doing it f for her almost 'cause like it I it ties back to today. Everyone is so insecure because of the their looks and she was just caking on makeup and just like it's ba like I said earlier it's like a filter. Like she's putting on a filter before she before she goes to work every day. So that connects it today with Instagram filters and stuff like that. Yeah. Go ahead. And it's just everyone has such deep rooted insecurity. Yeah. And some are just more front facing. Some people are more front facing than others. And people are worried that they're gonna see their insecurities. But most of the time they probably wouldn't have noticed from yeah. Like from her. But she noticed it. So she ⁓ almost made it more obvious by caking on. Do you think That maybe she had some sort of body dysmorphia because of the smallpox. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I know 100% speculation. But I mean, yeah. ⁓ no, yeah. Yeah. Wouldn't you be afraid if like your face got all messed up and you would think especially as the Queen of England. Your face is over. Your face is everywhere. Yes. On the money. And I say the second lesson, which is honestly the whole point of this podcast, is that history likes a clean story. ⁓ Queen killed by her vanity. Has an ironic beauty and tragedy all in one neat bow. Real history doesn't have neat endings. When when a story sounds too perfect, you always have to ask who told it first? When was it told? And what did they want you to believe? I 100% agree. That is really the another encapsulation of our podcast. Yeah. Really. Okay I'm gonna It is time for the fun fact challenge. I am not playing, so there's some even playing field for you guys. ⁓ someone's got a big head. How'd you fit through the door? ⁓ I don't ⁓ Okay. You're down, No, you are. What is the name of the Spanish ambassador from the of our story? Fauken. ⁓ De la Corte. ⁓ Or like Quadra. Yeah, close enough, yep. Yes. ⁓ I couldn't even say it, so ⁓ I'm gonna give Alright. it's anyone keeping I think we can keep it in our heads. Okay. Thanks. Question two. What was the fancy nickname for all the thick white makeup Elizabeth was wearing to cover up her scars? Locked in. Venetian Cerus. Fancy nickname. There was a fancy nickname. Locked in. What is that, Gavin? Some something universe. ⁓ Uh-uh, Gavin's not right. I don't think Dad should be able to get it. I mean, both you guys didn't both you guys didn't get it, so I'm gonna give you guys both Ga Dad goes first. S Saturn's something. going. Gavin, do wanna give it a shot? It's Saturn. Mm-hmm. But I I n I need like another word and then I'll give it. That's Dad, you're cheating. Dad, you cheater. Dad. No. Uh-uh. Spirits of Saturn. No. You're technically right, but I don't want to give it to you because you're a cheater. I honestly just want to give that to Gavin. Yeah, give it to me. Because he's a little cheater, liar. No one gets that one. Yeah, I'm gonna say no one did. You're still winning, Gavin. One-nothing. Okay, question three. By the end of her life. How thick was the foundation on her skin allegedly? Locked in. Locked in. Gavin got it first. Even though he locked in prematurely. ⁓ yeah, Gavin. You locked in prematurely. No, no, no, no, no. Can we just go? No, no, go ahead. You go ahead, bud. ⁓ One Yes, an inch thick. That's so easy, ⁓ but You won. ⁓ You won for the first time in a really long time. ⁓ Some other things happened on 18th across history, 1812. President James Madison signs Congress's declaration of war against Britain, ⁓ starting the War of 1812. Yes, this is the exact moment that kicked off our episode twenty-one disaster ⁓ the United States tried to march into Canada and got humiliated three times in a row. Awesome. Like any No, nothing. I got nothing. Okay. fifteen. ⁓ Napoleon Bonaparte is decisively defeated at the Battle of Waterloo in Belgium by Duke of Wellington's British led coalition And Field Marshal Blücher's ⁓ army. It ends Napoleon's hundred days return from exile and closes the entire entire era of European history. Yeah, that was a big day. I mean, to this day people call, you know, things that's my Waterloo or that's her Waterloo. Like it's it's meant to be meaning, you know, like the defeat that ended it all. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like And you're singing Abba. I know. I was like it's the first thing I line to one too. I like, Waterloo Like if you think about it. The Napoleon is such a big portion, at least in EHAP when we took when I I can say I'm an EHAP graduate now because I did it. Napoleon was such a big part. Like he really kickstarted like not even just in France. Like all of these really f like famous treaties and all of these deals and stuff, like he kickstarted it. like the first guy that was like just wanted abs like he obviously wasn't the first guy that wanted absolute power. Like obviously that we have Roman leaders and stuff like that, like he's like the first guy that really got it. Yeah, and I don't know, like he got I I'm not I know it's not first, I think it's more ⁓ modern. Yeah, first guy in modern history. Like 'Cause this is eighteen fifteen. Right. Like the US had is already existing. Like if you think about the last two hundred years, he is one of the first that really conquered territory and really had an army and was almost undefeated. ⁓ Eighteen seventy three. Suffragist Susan Anthony is found guilty was fined hundred dollars by a judge in Canandegu, New York, ⁓ for the crime voting in the eighteen seventy-two presidential election. ⁓ How dare she my pearls? ⁓ She famously refused ever pay the fine The judge famously never made her. Interesting. Wow. ⁓ Yeah, that's interesting. ⁓ and then so that was the eighteen seventy two presidential election, so that ⁓ Yeah. ⁓ so that was what, f almost fifty years later? Yeah. Is when women were finally given the right to vote. Yeah. That's just ridiculous. The Venetian Caruse legend has the perfect morality tale ending. Too perfect. The real lesson is that history's tidiest stories are often the ones to question Hardest. ⁓ That's it for this episode. Thanks for traveling through time with us on the Ebbs of History. If you like today's story, share it with a teacher, a friend, or your family on Instagram at Ebbs of History. If you have any show ideas, corrections, or questions, You can contact us at questions at Ebbsofhistory.com. Signing off, this has been your co host, Gavin. Jason. And me, Zoe, reminding you that history is not just about dates and battles, it's about people, curiosity, and the weird, wonderful choices that shaped our world. Until next time. Keep wondering. Keep laughing. And keep learning through the ebbs of history. ⁓