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Growth Spurt: The Trap of Comparison · The Growth Project

• 0:02
  You.
• 0:04
  Doctor Drew Brandon here checking in with today's growth spurt. And, today I want to talk a little bit about an observation that I've made over the years.
• 0:12
  Related to people's paths. So let me explain what I mean by that. So when I refer to that term of,
• 0:19
  the path that people are on, I'm talking about just an all inclusive pursuit in their life.
• 0:25
  So it's personal. As professional, it's all the things that they're going after and, and paying attention to and attempting. Right. And so,
• 0:33
  what I have seen, unfortunately, is if we aren't careful, we have this tendency inside of us to be pursuing our path. And if things are going really well, meaning we're getting some wins, we're seeing good things happen.
• 0:51
  We're maybe celebrating success in some way, shape or form. We have this tendency to look around and assess what others are doing and then elevate ourselves because of what we're doing, and then think less a little bit about others, right, to compare what we're doing to what others are doing, and perceive it and see it as more accomplished, better, superlative, essentially.
• 1:22
  And so what what's happening is we're benchmarking, at least in part, our accomplishments, our successes, our wins off of other peoples. And we're creating this compare and contrast effect that elevates us, maximizes us, and unfortunately minimizes them to some degree. And that is the tendency that I've seen happen far too many times when things are going well. Right.
• 1:45
  Well, what do we know about life? What do we know about, just the thing. The way things tend to shake out, things don't always go well. And so inevitably, when that turn happens and now we aren't getting as many wins, we aren't meeting as success quite as frequently. What do we then tend to do is it's interesting to me how much of the thought process in the dialog begins to sound something like this?
• 2:13
  Oh, it isn't about what anybody else is doing. I need to just be concerned about my path. I need to be concerned about my goals. I don't want to concern myself or pay attention to what any anything else is happening out there. I'm just going to make it about what I'm trying to do. It's a very interesting pivot, isn't it?
• 2:35
  Because whereas when things were going well, I was very much in tune with what others were doing. In fact, I was using that on some level to kind of calibrate my own accomplishments and feel even better about myself. But now suddenly, when it isn't going so well, I'm doing my best to be less aware what others are doing.
• 2:54
  So what's happening there? What's what's with the pivot? I guess you could call it. And the answer is there's a protective mechanism operating. We don't like the feeling of struggle. We don't like the idea of someone is actually getting more wins than I am, putting points on the scoreboard that exceed the points I'm putting on the scoreboard that can be tough for us.
• 3:20
  And so what do we then try to do? Protect ourselves, protect our ego, protect our self-concept? And in the in the midst of doing that, we can develop a lot of bad mental and emotional habits.
• 3:35
  Guess what? Even when you were getting wins, it wasn't about what anyone else was doing. The best thing you can do is concern yourself with your path and your path.
• 3:45
  Only when it's going well and when it's going not so well. Don't allow yourself to benchmark your own success and progress off of someone else. I have actually found in many senses, that's a great way to underachieve, because if you're just comparing yourself to other people, it's easy to think that, I'm doing pretty well. I'm doing I'm right where I'd want to be.
• 4:11
  You might be underachieving in that way. So again, challenge yourself to make it about you, keep it about you, and not concern yourself with what others are doing. And if you find yourself drifting into that place a little bit, remind yourself, don't be about protecting. Don't be about preserving that ego. Just make it about you and your own pursuits.