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Keep It Between The Ditches Part 2 · The Tom & Gerry Show Podcast

• 0:06
  Oh, Tom, you know what. I love my friend, but I
• 0:11
  love a part two of a podcast where we've all the heavy lifting done in
• 0:14
  the first one, and now that people come along for the part two,
• 0:17
  we can just be like, yeah, you know what you're here for.
• 0:19
  Yeah, yeah, there's no gid up go, there's no explaining ourselves,
• 0:22
  there's no nothing. Then, Plus what we ate nine episodes into this series,
• 0:26
  so at this stage people would have gone, Okay, we know the
• 0:28
  Craig, we know the Craig. They're on this train. I are not.
• 0:31
  This is keep it between the ditches Part two, part ladies and gentlemen's
• 0:36
  and our non binary friends. Indeed, you're all very welcome to the Tom
• 0:40
  and Jerry Show, where Tom is going to be bringing us through even more
• 0:44
  of the mysteries of the motor car, including Tom. I'm hoping why fucking
• 0:49
  wiper blades are sixty fucking euro for some reason? Yes, I hope that's
• 0:54
  number one on the agenda because I remember them things literally, it's a swear
• 0:59
  to god. It is the next right, Yeah, it's right there,
• 1:03
  Yes, I got it here. I'm fucking pre empty gym. Sorry,
• 1:06
  pably, he's ahead of anybody, but that's a particular fucking bug bear of
• 1:08
  mine, just for the small few people who have jumped into this one accidentally,
• 1:12
  because that can happen. You can end up with, you know,
• 1:15
  in the Two Towers or Turn of the King and all that, and go
• 1:18
  what the fuck and then you're supposed to watch the Hobbit and fucking pre remember
• 1:21
  stuff. Look at just in case you every kid's comic book is some kids
• 1:25
  force comic book Stanley. Yeah. Yeah, So if you ended up here
• 1:29
  and you didn't go back to quickly recap or you kind of listen to it
• 1:32
  quickly and you went and you give it a week or two. In between,
• 1:34
  we went mostly through the basics of tire. Tires are so important.
• 1:38
  We went the idea of that. We went through the changing of oil seemed
• 1:44
  to be a big one, but that is a big that's a big moment.
• 1:46
  And maintain your your car, I mean, aside from the the other
• 1:49
  usual products that burn up on your car. That's a that's a very very
• 1:53
  important one for maintain your engine. And if yours finding oil or iron filings,
• 1:57
  metal filings, and you're in watchings because well you haven't been looking after
• 2:02
  your oil. Simple as that if I gotta tell you something, Tom,
• 2:07
  since you brought us through the principles of oil changing and showed us just how
• 2:10
  absolutely easy and cost effective it is to change your oil. Since you taught
• 2:15
  me that last week. Mm hmm, I've seriously considered it. But that's
• 2:22
  people. You have no idea how big of a thing that is. Because
• 2:23
  for Jerry too seriously consider something, he probably will go and do it.
• 2:27
  But if Jerry just is impressed by something, he'll still hand it over to
• 2:30
  a professional. You know what I mean. He's oh, yeah, yeah,
• 2:32
  yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted. I wanted to try your
• 2:37
  method of change and tires so much. I near you went out and slash
• 2:39
  my own tires, Tom, just to have something to change. I didn't
• 2:43
  quite get there yet. Yeah, I know, I get it, I
• 2:44
  get it. But look at we went. What we are doing in this
• 2:47
  episode same as we did in the last one. It's I'm not I ain't
• 2:52
  no rocket surgeon, nor I'm not your mechanic, And I will tell you
• 2:54
  the things that you should most definitely go to your mechanic for break pads.
• 2:58
  Don't try and learn how to just take the mechanic. There are certain things
• 3:01
  you just won't be able to tackle yourself, or I wouldn't suggest you tackling
• 3:06
  yourself. These are just things to just keep your keep yourself sharp, to
• 3:09
  make sure that you can't. You're not the bollocks who's clipped into a peer
• 3:15
  or broken down the motorway when I just don't know what happened, because chances
• 3:19
  are it was happening in a while out almost nothing in the car by itself
• 3:23
  would happen suddenly, do you know what I mean it? You know you're
• 3:25
  gonna throw another saying in here, Tom, it's better to prevent a thing
• 3:30
  than it is to try and cure it. So yeah, you know,
• 3:31
  you can make sure your car doesn't break down on the side of the road,
• 3:35
  and it's the hell of a lot better than trying to fix it on
• 3:38
  the side of the road. Well fifty, you don't wake up with gout,
• 3:43
  you know what I mean? You know suddenly, you know, come
• 3:46
  off a fucking ultramarthon and have gout you know, or have been just a
• 3:50
  really good, well maintained person and go Now I've got fucking you know,
• 3:54
  my tone needs to come off because I've just been eating too much fucking show.
• 3:58
  No, you haven't been maintained yourself. I'm not telling you how to
• 4:00
  maintain yourself. I don't give a fuck. I'd have more time for maintain
• 4:04
  your car. Yeah, so onward into it and form the day Tom.
• 4:10
  So I'm gonna fucking learn some ship here, buddy, you are in the
• 4:14
  rare from I can tell by you you've got a head of a man for
• 4:15
  learning. Here's one I tell you, and I'm only I'm only a recent
• 4:18
  convert and I never mentioned it should it would fall under the tire category that
• 4:23
  I didn't say last week it was I found a tremendous help is an electric
• 4:30
  pump for your tires going through? Oh yeah, okay, go hit he
• 4:36
  has been a tom And then I'll hit you with like what ifs Well,
• 4:40
  here's the thing, like you have one, like it's always good to have
• 4:43
  it in the boot right now. You could have a slow puncture. You're
• 4:46
  on a country road, there's no petro station, it's four o'clock in the
• 4:48
  morning, and you're going, fuck that. That tire feels a bit fucking
• 4:51
  spongy. You give it a pump, maybe take it over the twenty six
• 4:56
  PSI, like I told you where you'll find how much pressure to put into
• 4:59
  your car. It give it to you in ba ar bar, or'll give
• 5:01
  you in psi. You could have twenty eight psi on the front because of
• 5:05
  the heavy engine, you know, twenty six on the back. Maybe take
• 5:10
  it to thirty just to get you over the line down the road A small
• 5:14
  but yeah, you shouldn't really be in that position. But what I'm saying
• 5:16
  is it's no harm in having benda. Just if you have cut yourself.
• 5:19
  I'm not saying you should be fucking going out of their cut yourself boat.
• 5:23
  It's the same thing, no harm to have one. Maybe the car set
• 5:26
  up for a while after the fucking you can hold this parked in the airport
• 5:29
  to come back and fucking one of the tires that you didn't know how to
• 5:30
  slow punctu or you drove over something. You come back and you're like,
• 5:34
  oh, for fox sake that twenty six quid that you gave for that fucking
• 5:39
  thing. You can find a menality, you can get them online. Yeah,
• 5:42
  you plug it into still the cigarette, yes, probably a cigarette later.
• 5:46
  Yeah. I U's the thing with Tom, like you know, I
• 5:47
  I don't know if anybody still lights a cigarette off the cigarette lader or is
• 5:51
  that just like our gateway to charge on your phone? And you're fucking yeah,
• 5:59
  I don't. I can't see who else like used to be. I'd
• 6:03
  be hard stuck. But I mean they haven't gotten rid of them so and
• 6:06
  they haven't taken the little fag symblem off the fucking thing, so somebody's still
• 6:12
  lighting. I'd love to light a big cigar off one. Do you know,
• 6:15
  not a fag but a big cuban. I know, I know.
• 6:17
  I think Eric Carr has like there's no cigarette light or bit that comes out
• 6:24
  of it, but the port is there with like a little cap over it.
• 6:27
  And I'll tell you what's better again, Tom, here's one in the
• 6:30
  boot as well. Yeah. Oh they're a gift. I want to know.
• 6:34
  Oh I've won in the boot. I'll tell you now, Jerry,
• 6:36
  I had a land cruise of years ago that the guy before me had fitted
• 6:40
  with an air compressor, a powerful air compressor inside the engine to run off
• 6:46
  the engine. Yeah, he'd fitted farmers. Farmers used to do it years
• 6:49
  ago, and then of course it went out of fashion. I don't know
• 6:53
  why, because loads and loads of tools run off air compressors, loads of
• 6:57
  to my I'd imagine, in the words of Frank the Tank in old school,
• 7:00
  there's no way this is street legal time. I guess maybe, but
• 7:05
  I don't know. I guess now, with maybe twelve volt outlets all over
• 7:10
  the fucking car, maybe you could plug in a half decent. I don't
• 7:12
  know. For the For the gear heads out there, if you've got an
• 7:15
  air compressor built into the engine of your car that you did yourself, let
• 7:18
  us know in the comments. But these were all I remember guys doing that
• 7:20
  in the indie. But these were tastely, tastefully done, like a nice
• 7:24
  neat little tank inside there. And you know what it's. It sounds like
• 7:29
  it sounds like fast and the furious time, like the nose tanks wired up
• 7:32
  to the engine you're looking at. You're like, oh my god, is
• 7:34
  that a NOZ tank wired up to your land cruiser engine? That it's a
• 7:38
  fucking air compressor for blowing up paddling pools and ship I don't know what I
• 7:45
  know. I know that's that's you after running air wrench off. But yeah,
• 7:48
  you can run it off, the air compressor, would you. I
• 7:50
  tell you one thing, that little air pump. You will find a bunch
• 7:54
  of uses for it because the nozzles do fitted for pumping up the kids pool,
• 7:58
  pumping up the kids, the boys first bike. We put it together
• 8:01
  the other day. He was chuffed the bit we ran it off off the
• 8:03
  air the are you got it? A cigarette light? It was perfect.
• 8:07
  I hadn't driven my land Rover in three months. Putting our back on the
• 8:13
  road soon pumped the tires tube had gone down, cranked them up, cranked
• 8:16
  it up and they're big old tires. There's a lot of air to go
• 8:20
  into those fucking things. Cranked it up in forty five seconds. It's like
• 8:22
  this thing sweating, no sweating. It has a little for actually blowing out
• 8:28
  the dust out of the Oh it's just nice. Twenty six quid, twenty
• 8:31
  six quid and and you know what, it goes wrapped up perfect and goes
• 8:33
  back into the pack every time. Perfect. You know. Round about now,
• 8:37
  Tom, if we had affiliates, we'll be saying, and you can
• 8:39
  use the Toma Jerry cool, Yeah, and g to get ten percent off
• 8:45
  whatever the fuck this thing is. Bell make a good one, Bell,
• 8:48
  make a good one. But you listen, they ain't a whole pilot components
• 8:52
  to it. Once you mind it, and you're like, you're not gonna
• 8:54
  be using it commercially, your years of once in a blue moon, but
• 8:56
  that blue moon time you use it, you'll be so fucking glad you had
• 9:00
  it. Now, did you ever have a Did you ever have drink a
• 9:03
  beer with a slice of orange in the tom? Oh? I certainly did.
• 9:05
  I certainly did. I was partial to a blue moon back in the
• 9:09
  al moon. Yeah, now here, Okay, that's enough shite talk.
• 9:15
  Let's show me how to drive a car here, tom for it. Anyway,
• 9:18
  moving on to what you came up with. You first questioned was wiper
• 9:22
  blades. And I wrote this down, right, I wrote this down.
• 9:26
  There's certain things I wrote down, like when I was fucking I was writing
• 9:30
  this down gone, So there's no point in writing this fucking thing down.
• 9:33
  But everybody knows when I wracked my brain going, I was in and auto
• 9:37
  mechanics and I see people drown, ask people pulling in and paying the man
• 9:45
  to put fucking wipers and he taking money off them, He taking money off
• 9:48
  him to put fucking wipers on the car. You're like, what in the
• 9:52
  fuck? Now, look the literally the instructions. It has gotten so easy
• 10:00
  now Once you do it once, you'll do it the same forever. Before
• 10:03
  you had to fucking unpinch this show, clip back that fucking yoke. These
• 10:07
  days it's literally flip a switch forward. You got a little hooked fucking bar,
• 10:13
  some of them, even on Volkswagen, it's just a shlap on a
• 10:15
  big fucking It's like a big lump of licorice. You just it's the easiest
• 10:18
  thing in the world to clip on a clip off. Take your time,
• 10:22
  do it yourself, and take some fucking pride in it. Now your question
• 10:28
  as to why they're not fucking six quid anymore, they're just fucking not.
• 10:31
  And here's the thing. If you do a lot of fucking driving, don't
• 10:35
  pay more than Look, you're gonna pay twenty two, probably because their different
• 10:39
  size is gonna pay twenty two and twenty seven. So you're gonna be up
• 10:43
  there. You pay for the fucking rear one, you're gonna be into the
• 10:46
  sixties. Mind them, fucking madness, But mind them, Jerry. The
• 10:50
  problem is people don't fucking mind. I'm just I get you, I get
• 10:56
  you. But here's you, Tom, I'm just mad. No, I
• 10:58
  get it. The bosh ones, they're fucking good. They are good.
• 11:01
  Like when you hit you hit heavy rain, there's nothing to shift this ship,
• 11:05
  and they leave a nice, fucking clean wind screen. Look, I'm
• 11:07
  just telling you, I'll give a shit if you're driving a piece of fucking
• 11:09
  rust. If you get a decent one, fucking mind it, and how
• 11:15
  you mind it. If you have shit all over your fucking wind screen,
• 11:18
  Make sure you get that, because I've seen people just throw on the fucking
• 11:22
  wipers and big dusty old wind screens and all that stuff, because these things
• 11:26
  are so fine, they're just scraping it off the worst of the whole lot.
• 11:30
  You see the poor cun sitting in first thing in the morning and he's
• 11:33
  left the wipers on from the night before, but it's frozen over fucking night,
• 11:35
  and now he's got a fucking sheet of fucking rice Krispy fucking cake all
• 11:39
  over his windscreen and the wipers just and that's your wipe. You may catch
• 11:43
  him and fuck him straight in over the ditch. They're fucked, they're fucked,
• 11:48
  and that's it. Go out and get new wipers immediately. You fucked
• 11:50
  them. So if i'm if I'm hearing your I'm hearing your advice here correctly,
• 11:56
  Tom, it's that you favor not having a dry wipe exactly. You
• 12:05
  want to you want to moisten the lubricated wipe. Just hear I hear your
• 12:11
  brother, You hear it. Yeah, you know what you know what I
• 12:13
  well ahead, Yeah here, you knew I was. I was that way
• 12:16
  inclined anyway. You know you don't get enough, you don't you know,
• 12:20
  you cross a certain age and you don't have enough fiber in your diet.
• 12:22
  The days of having a fucking dry wipe or behind you. Here's the thing,
• 12:26
  do you ever shave? Just just walk into the bathroom, just pick
• 12:30
  up a rais and just slap it to your face, drunk, dragging ship
• 12:31
  across your face. No, you fucking don't you fucking grease the wheel some
• 12:37
  bit to get that you You read my mind, Tom, because I was
• 12:41
  gonna say, wiper blades are very like razor blades. Again, I'm not
• 12:45
  doing a bit here, wiper blades like rais of blades. I'm not.
• 12:48
  I'm not being that. No stays behind me, Tom, don't drag me
• 12:50
  back, all right, but you know you know when you need to change
• 12:56
  them, and it's usually after you probably should have fucking changed them. And
• 13:00
  also, just like razor blades, wiper blades are expensive because what the fuck
• 13:03
  else are you going to do? What are you gonna do? Yeah,
• 13:07
  are you gonna make them? Are you gonna chew rubber and ship them?
• 13:09
  No, you're not. You have to buy them, so you have to
• 13:13
  buy them off. Also, if you want to buy, you let razor
• 13:15
  blades to go on your Mac three razor, You're gonna pay what we ask
• 13:18
  you for them. These look, these are the simple things that I've learned
• 13:22
  the hard way down the line where you're dragging that fucking cold, cheap bag
• 13:26
  across your face and you walk out of the house and your fucking head is
• 13:28
  glowing like maybe if I just didn't have I don't know, a packet of
• 13:33
  crisps twice, you know, three times in the week. Yeah, you
• 13:37
  get the and you'll be you'll be happier, trust me, you'll be happier
• 13:41
  in the fucking long run. It's the same with the blades, and just
• 13:45
  fucking mind them. Know every time you fucking turn on the car, know
• 13:48
  how much the fucking things cost you? Yeah, I get I guess like
• 13:52
  you know, Okay, I guess before before I wipe the you know,
• 13:56
  turn them on when it's raining, and I guess, okay, the windscreens
• 13:58
  wet and glides over that hand here. But if you just turn them on
• 14:01
  on a dirty window, give it a little first, little squirt. I
• 14:05
  mean it sounds like such simple advice, Tom, but I'm telling you,
• 14:07
  these things are crossing sixty euro fucking front and back. See, you may
• 14:11
  as well try and get to use them. What that and the ice one
• 14:15
  is the most hilarious. Just drag it across a far fox sake, would
• 14:20
  you ever go in that? No? No good, Why the fuck it?
• 14:26
  It's just it sounds simplicitic, But look, don't then The number one
• 14:31
  thing is do not fucking pay somebody to do them. Don't pay. That's
• 14:35
  yeah, the mystery is not there. Like there's no mystery. Look at
• 14:37
  the back of the pack. Take your time and you'll get it. And
• 14:41
  once you do it once on your car, you'll do it with your fucking
• 14:43
  eyes closed. The next time. You can't fuck it up. You just
• 14:46
  gotta you gotta get in there and get deep into that nook. That is
• 14:48
  the one time. Yeah, Because they're the things are gonna cost you sixty
• 14:52
  quid and some lady's going to charge your fucking twenty five quid to do it,
• 14:54
  and it takes two seconds. Same go okay, same goes with headlights,
• 15:00
  Same goes with headlights, does not go. Headlights Now I can change
• 15:03
  I can change wiper blades, I suppose, But headlights are a mystery.
• 15:07
  Look again, it's a take your time thing. Now look all the way
• 15:13
  across the board. No, you're right, there are some cars like my
• 15:16
  own. My own. Opal is an absolute fucking dickhead, an absolute fucking
• 15:22
  dickhead to get the fucking ball about it. I mean, you wouldn't fucking
• 15:28
  believe the fucking the fuckery that went on to this. These little fucking grub
• 15:33
  screw nuts with like hext seven hex fucking sevens like only I have the fucking
• 15:39
  tools to take the fucking thing out. These should just reach in one hand,
• 15:43
  flip back the little open, twist them out. I have. I
• 15:46
  have convoluted fucking ship that does go on. That is maddening because I used
• 15:50
  to drive a car I think it was a pont or some such where to
• 15:54
  change the headlights. If one might went in and you squeezed a little what
• 15:56
  do you call the round clip. It's not a sort clip, but it's
• 15:58
  not not a cirtclip either. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, rubber bunch of
• 16:04
  clip. So it's like it's like a bulldog clip that would hold a bunch
• 16:07
  of papers again all intents and purposes. And you squeeze that and the whole
• 16:11
  thing about came out the housing with the ball be in it. And you
• 16:14
  took the ball about put in your ballbin and you put it back in.
• 16:17
  That's fine. You attempt to do that on the car I'm driving right now,
• 16:21
  Tom, and it's turned this a quarter circle left, pulled back a
• 16:23
  quarter inch turn a quarter circle left, rotate nights Indiana Jones were getting get
• 16:30
  into the fucking temple of doom faster if when you change a ball on this
• 16:33
  thing, you summon a demon from Hell that you owe your fucking sould.
• 16:38
  I used to company puzzle box from Hell Razor. I iither fucking company of
• 16:45
  car, which I fucking hated. It was a Ford focus and the whole
• 16:49
  headlight had to come out. They instruct you from my car on the driver's
• 16:55
  side headlight. They instruct you, waiting to hear this to not only you
• 17:00
  have to take off a wheel half the wheel, take off the fucking flap
• 17:03
  inside it, take off the half the fucking bumper to get into. Just
• 17:07
  remove. They're like, this is get the fuck out of my face.
• 17:11
  You can do it. You can. There's two little heck fucking but go
• 17:17
  like you will be forgiven for taking this one to the manufacturer two or to
• 17:22
  a garage. You'll be forgiven if it is pure fuckery. But I would
• 17:26
  investigate it first. Don't just go it's a I just because you can find
• 17:30
  some car manufacturers have made it easy. They've made it fucking easy because they
• 17:33
  want you to have fucking peace of mind and get out of yourself in a
• 17:37
  bit of fucking pride in yourself. But the fuckery that has gone on with
• 17:40
  some of them, where you know they've done it on purpose. They could
• 17:42
  have there was bags of space to move shit out of the way. You
• 17:45
  know they've done it on purpose so that you do take it back to the
• 17:48
  main dealer or whatever. And that is that's my car. But I know
• 17:52
  I will not be best that I only changed the headline head bullbs the bulls
• 17:56
  the other day, but to have to go out and get a heckt's like
• 18:00
  I had thankfully I had these long, long island keys. There were hecks,
• 18:03
  you know, the full bar of hecks, but your average person wouldn't
• 18:07
  have them, would have a fucking hecks six to open these time little nuts
• 18:11
  blindly. You'll be forgiven. But I would investigates the like. I've never
• 18:15
  once taken one to the garage. But what I'm saying is I have been
• 18:21
  almost at breaking point over the fury of the fuckery that went on. So
• 18:25
  if you do meet a whole pile of fuckery, and feel free to YouTube
• 18:27
  these and stuff like that. But if you meet a whole pile of fuckery,
• 18:32
  you'll be forgiven. For what I would do is I chance your fucking
• 18:36
  arm if you go to the don't be bind your bubs. Don't be buying
• 18:38
  ship bulbs in the fucking marriage in the petro station. Buy your fucking ones
• 18:41
  from the car accessory. You know the car accessory crowds a lot of the
• 18:45
  time. You'll find a sound out fucker. We'll keep chatting and go well,
• 18:48
  you wouldn't throw it thrown in for me? There and chance to start
• 18:52
  them Them buys have done it a million times. They're chatting away to you,
• 18:55
  fucking fuck one in there's you know a lot of times those lads will
• 18:59
  do it for nothing because you know you'll be back to And I said last
• 19:03
  week, Tom, I know you're giving the tips, and I'm just giving
• 19:04
  it. Very incredibly fucking basic advice that any child would know. When you
• 19:10
  do get the bulbs, the new bulbs for your headlights, just taking note
• 19:12
  of what they are. Just taking over of the code of them or whatever
• 19:15
  they are, so that you know what to ask for next time you went
• 19:18
  to the shop and yours. You're not like, oh, on the bulb
• 19:21
  for one seven one it looks no, I need a fucking code name bang
• 19:27
  done, And you might get a wee bit of discount because you know what
• 19:30
  you're fucking doing. Yeah, people tend to have more respect for you and
• 19:33
  over the counter when you know exactly what bub it's. Speaking of tips with
• 19:37
  bulbs, if you are going out it yourself, this is what I should
• 19:41
  have said at the fucking don there at the top. Very important when it
• 19:45
  comes to car bulbs. Never ever grab it by the glass right next yes
• 19:52
  yes, yes, yes, Your fingerprints the oil and your fingerprints will become
• 19:56
  conductive to heat and boil the bulb it'll boil the bulb. Not always put
• 20:03
  as little touching as possible with your fucking hand. This is another reason why
• 20:07
  it's a bit of fuckery. You know what, I mean to do this
• 20:10
  job, but if you can, some of them are very sound. When
• 20:12
  you buy the expensive ones, they actually come with a little bit of foamy
• 20:15
  stuff actually around the if you could hold do you know what I mean,
• 20:21
  Or if you've got to get a tissue, wrap it around it, but
• 20:22
  don't fucking touch with I remember that advice Tom, for changing Halagen bulbs outside
• 20:27
  your house. Don't touch the classes Yeah, the actual Yeah, very same.
• 20:32
  And if I could a bit of advice here, guys, how do
• 20:36
  you know when you need to change your bulbs unless you're like, you know,
• 20:38
  unless the car is driving towards your or anything like that. A lot
• 20:42
  of the times in my life, Tom, the first time I knew I
• 20:45
  needed a bulb was when a guard told me. So I devised this little
• 20:49
  system. Maybe you do it, or maybe you just know when you need
• 20:52
  bulbs, Tom, You know by the light on the road. But I'm
• 20:53
  driving in the city here with all the straight lights and everything, so it's
• 20:56
  hard I pick it up from the road, because I'm in the country to
• 21:00
  know in the city when your bulbs are right, because there's so much light
• 21:03
  around you. Real simple, tom. If I pull up outside the house
• 21:07
  at night, I run through a quick cycle of the lights. Does it
• 21:11
  look right? Head lights dips, full beams, indicator left, indicator right,
• 21:17
  and you can see it in the reflection of the door in front of
• 21:18
  you. And if it looks you will, like I mean, if if
• 21:22
  you have the right whatever, you pull in yeah. Yeah. You don't
• 21:25
  have to do it every night, once a week, you know, just
• 21:27
  pull up and go like left, right, heads dips. Okay, right,
• 21:32
  we're good. Here's the thing with all this stuff. You don't need
• 21:36
  to say. You don't need to be as militarized as right on Monday nights,
• 21:40
  I check every course to you if you have it in the back of
• 21:42
  your head, like anything. If you haven't in the back of your head,
• 21:45
  you'll you'll know the one. It's like a little fucking your own little
• 21:48
  diagnostic system will tell you here, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 21:52
  you have a look at that fucking thing. Something's not right there. And
• 21:53
  chances are if you feel it's not right, there's a fair strong chance it
• 21:56
  ain't fucking right. So all these are just save pund fine, so exactly
• 22:03
  now moving on to the likes of you won't do this an awful lot,
• 22:07
  but if you did splash out and go a bit fucking wild and become a
• 22:11
  bit nerdy like I do, and by your own diagnostic now they used to
• 22:15
  be very expensive. Now they're super cheap. You can get them again for
• 22:18
  like fifty sixty quid. You want to plug in every so often to see
• 22:22
  if something's fucking not firing. If it's not, it's not producing the right
• 22:27
  you know, fucking fuel to air ratio and stuff, you know, things
• 22:32
  like that. Would you know you might It may pick up in them a
• 22:34
  lot of time. It is your spark plugs that aren't throwing a proper spark,
• 22:38
  if especially if it's slightly older car, if maybe a city car,
• 22:42
  where the carbon is getting attached, you know, to the underside of the
• 22:45
  spark where it's not getting blown up by going down the motorway. Same with
• 22:48
  your glow plugs with for diesel cars. Again, it's no harm to have
• 22:53
  one of these things, so at least you don't get the fucking your pants
• 22:56
  pulled down when you go into the mechanics. I'm not saying, go get
• 23:00
  yourself the fucking correct torque, fucking you know, wrenching everything for doing spark
• 23:04
  plugs. But these are the things where you go here, listen of my
• 23:08
  eight or you know whatever, spark plugs or six spark plugs. Fucking one
• 23:14
  of them is it ain't fucking fire and something. And at least then even
• 23:18
  if you have an honest mechanic, he doesn't have to do a full diagnosty.
• 23:22
  He can go all right, I'll go straight to that and see if
• 23:23
  that's the thing, you know what I mean, if you have a good
• 23:26
  relationship with them. So these are good things to be aware of. The
• 23:29
  spark plugs, that's what essentially creates a little bomb inside your fucking engine six
• 23:33
  times or eight times or whatever, how many times you have, how many
• 23:37
  spark plugs you have to drive the pistons, which in turn drive your fucking
• 23:41
  wheels of your car. I mean, here's the thing, Tom, and
• 23:44
  I like it. Don't don't don't get me wrong, like everything you're saying,
• 23:48
  Buddy, Okay, do you run the risk of if you get into
• 23:55
  if you get into a garage and you say, yeah, my left number
• 23:59
  six spark plug left on the rear or whatever the fuck it is is acting
• 24:02
  the genet I need. Yeah, I just need that. Do you run
• 24:04
  the wrist that you'll get a mechanic that'll just be like, don't fucking tell
• 24:08
  me what it is, all right, I'm the mechanic. Hey, listen,
• 24:11
  listen, I'm gonna yeah. Thanks for the my, my, thanks
• 24:17
  to the peanut gallery. Now why don't you just fucking sit there and let
• 24:18
  the professional hey listen, like everything. If you come in with the right
• 24:22
  attitude and say, look, look, would you mind having a look at
• 24:26
  no expert. Well, I have a funny feeling she ain't firing, right,
• 24:32
  Could it be a spark plug? You reckon? You know what I
• 24:33
  mean? Leave it in their ego. Don't go in there, Hey,
• 24:37
  I need you to get in there and under that engine and go to number
• 24:38
  two. I just know I wouldn't have I wouldn't have appreciated people like that
• 24:42
  in the shop coming in to me for end. But box clever, Jerry,
• 24:48
  you know what I mean. If they came in and went I started
• 24:49
  telling you your job, you'd say, all right, well you know where
• 24:52
  you can fucking go, But don't go in and tell the person their job
• 24:55
  just at least point them in the right direction that you go, this is
• 24:57
  what I'm feeling, So you don't go, I have a funny engine,
• 25:00
  gnice bang, and he's going, I listen, I'm up to my tits.
• 25:04
  What where is it coming from? Do you know what I mean?
• 25:07
  Well, here's where I think it's coming from. It's coming from where the
• 25:10
  fuck is bark club? You know? And and Tom, you know what
• 25:14
  I mean? Like I like that and again again a lot of this is
• 25:17
  like, you know, helping him out on his day's work, so at
• 25:18
  least he knows what to look for rather than you know, a complete exactly.
• 25:22
  And the other thing is like, you know, maybe that might cut
• 25:26
  down his workload and it might end up a little bit cheaper for you.
• 25:32
  Okay, I can. Yeah, They're not like I don't want to paint
• 25:36
  mechanics in any bad light here and a lot of great mechanics. It's just
• 25:40
  if you have a very honest mechanic and somebody who've had a good relationship with
• 25:44
  no harm to go Morris, there's fucking wrong, shame't fucking fire and right,
• 25:48
  fucking black smoke coming out the back end of it and some funny fucking
• 25:52
  sound coming from I could be fucking wrong here, but I think it might
• 25:56
  be a spar I can be wrong. That's all the hallmarks have a mess
• 26:00
  iron spark plunks, you got damn right. So I'm just saying no harm
• 26:04
  to be for for for what armed is forewarned. You don't know that kind
• 26:08
  of way as much about knowing what your car does and does not do as
• 26:15
  much, And that's as much you know, learning how to communicate with human
• 26:19
  beings. Look at I just don't want people driving around in a fucking mystery.
• 26:26
  Do you know? It absolutely blows my tit. No, here's the
• 26:30
  thing. I'm in front of a computer right now. At no point am
• 26:33
  I going to fucking want to open the thing and see how it works.
• 26:36
  I don't give a fuck. But at the same time, that kind of
• 26:37
  thing is never going to kill me. Sure, it's never going to kick
• 26:41
  that's you know, that's what it is. It's it's you just said it
• 26:45
  there. You don't want to be driving around in a mystery, Tom,
• 26:47
  Like, what do you drive yourself? I drive a one nine ter puzzle?
• 26:52
  Yeah, hid have you seen my new car? It's called fucking yeah,
• 26:57
  having a clue what goes on. Yeah, so I appreciate that.
• 27:00
  Like now you say, like, run a diagnostic on a tom and I'm
• 27:03
  sorry if you I'm sorry if you if you ran past this and I just
• 27:07
  didn't pick it up. What do you even fucking connect that machine too?
• 27:11
  Now here's here's the one. It's a bit It looks like the you know
• 27:15
  the the they're not HDMI at the back of the telly, you know the
• 27:18
  one that was used to pre skart. That's what it is. It's a
• 27:23
  scark cable. You'll normally find it most cars inside the fag ash tree,
• 27:27
  inside the ash tray. Some you'll find it just in the most weird just
• 27:33
  dangling underneath where the steering wheel, the plastic under the under the steering wheel
• 27:37
  ends, you'll find it there. It's normally hidden inside the fucking the I
• 27:42
  suppose the insert of one of the compartments might be in the glove box.
• 27:47
  Very very easy to google this, very easy. And okay, if I
• 27:52
  was to google this wearing my car is the it's the diagnostic part diagnostic port.
• 27:59
  Okay, So just before you start wrenching panels off your car looking for
• 28:03
  it. Yeah, they all it's it's it's easy and it has to be
• 28:07
  easy to be got to. You don't need to go unless there's pure bollocks
• 28:11
  of a brand has screwed it and glued in for a place and don't want
• 28:14
  to go near it. It's I mean, really, it should be out
• 28:17
  in the fucking engine with a cap over it, but I guess they want
• 28:19
  to keep it clean. It's always inside the car. Any car I've ever
• 28:23
  done, it's always been inside the car. And it's it's interesting sometimes when
• 28:27
  you know what the little the little you know and it's telling you, No,
• 28:30
  your car is running good, your car's running fine. I don't.
• 28:33
  I haven't used the thing in six months. Last time he used it was
• 28:37
  on the previous car. A light came on, an engine light came on,
• 28:40
  and oh fuck, I just I just looked up in old Cetron that
• 28:45
  I used to drive, and there's a little door and I always wondered what
• 28:51
  it was, Tom, I always wondered what it was. It's like steering
• 28:53
  column. There's like a little cap there, like a little thing, little
• 28:57
  flat. It's like the it's like the it's like the back of the remote
• 29:00
  control where the batteries are just a little thing, and I often wonder what
• 29:03
  it was, and when you open it, it was like, okay,
• 29:06
  well I have no business here, and lo and behold it's the diagnostic box.
• 29:10
  So are hiding and playing sight Tom. Yeah, they literally aren't.
• 29:14
  It's nearly like a little mystery toe and you end up finding you're like ha
• 29:15
  ha, And then it's kind of like, I don't know. I suppose
• 29:19
  a bit of crack to plug it in. Then a lot of the names
• 29:22
  and numbers and stuff coming up in front of you go, I have a
• 29:23
  fucking clue if you have, if you have an interest in finding, I
• 29:27
  wouldn't worry about it too much until you see an engine light pop up?
• 29:30
  Right, and the engine light pop up. Most cars will have some sort
• 29:34
  of warning light. They'll tell you this is you know. Some have it
• 29:38
  now, even for tire pressure. You know there's But if you have the
• 29:41
  little fucking triangle, the yell a triangle comes up, there's your problem.
• 29:45
  Jesus Crest, get local. Now here's the fucking thing I had. One
• 29:49
  of a code came up in mind the other day. The sensor in the
• 29:52
  fucking water bottle for the for the windscreen wipers was failing. I'm like,
• 29:59
  well, that's fine. I know when I don't when I need water thanking
• 30:02
  right, do you know what I mean? But it was it was this
• 30:03
  big fucking hooplan. It's coming on every fucking time I started the car was
• 30:07
  like a jave of Christ. Tom. I'm like, okay, you need
• 30:11
  to fucking relax, car. It's in the fucking water bottle. It's okay,
• 30:15
  I'll know, and I don't have water and it ain't. It's just
• 30:18
  diagnostic too. And that I actually just did a quick google here. I'm
• 30:21
  like, what do you call a fucking what do you called? Joe Rogan's
• 30:25
  pile? The other little fucking dufe is that Jamie Jamie's that is, Yeah,
• 30:29
  are you doing a Jamie? And I'm doing a Jamie on it?
• 30:30
  Yeah. And it's a little you know what, it's a lovely little machine.
• 30:33
  It's like twenty six quid for the one that I see on Amazon.
• 30:37
  Oh lovely. Yeah, it looks like a wonderful thing to buy putting a
• 30:41
  press and use on very rare occasions, very very poor. I can put
• 30:45
  it with my multimeter tone. Here's the thing. I was able to wipe
• 30:48
  that fucking code completely off and it doesn't come up. Now. That's that
• 30:52
  was my next thing, because I've got all man of like codes coming up
• 30:56
  on my car that are not problems. It's like, oh, you have
• 31:00
  tire pressure such and such, and I was like, no, I fucking
• 31:03
  don't, because I've settled, I've balanced the tires and had them balanced professionally,
• 31:07
  and this code still comes up on. The guy at the garage was
• 31:08
  just like, ah, you know sometimes that happens. Listen, if they
• 31:12
  give it again, if it gives you a pain in your rocks, you're
• 31:15
  gonna be owning cars forever. This will work it. Once upon a time
• 31:18
  you could have known one of these things. You can only go to a
• 31:22
  garage. They had a big fucking diagnostic machine like something. Remember that they
• 31:26
  would roll over to this. Now here's the thing that you still do.
• 31:32
  Because they have the more, much more in depth, the much more in
• 31:37
  depth, I suppose programs. They will tell you way more than what the
• 31:41
  little handheld lad on Amazon will tell you. You will have the general,
• 31:45
  the general fucking you know, look, SI, let's see what's what's overly
• 31:49
  wrong, but his one and he will have it for all cars. He
• 31:53
  or she will have it for all cars. Now, there are some yokes
• 31:57
  you may you can plug into and they'll just go nah Nasan like Mitsubishi once
• 32:02
  upon a time, Jaguar once upon a time. But I think they had
• 32:07
  to open borders after a while. They had to go, Okay, we
• 32:10
  gotta. I think they kind of by law had okay or worldwide mechanics have
• 32:15
  to have to be allowed to fucking do this because you have to be allowed
• 32:17
  to go to whatever mechanic you want. This was absolutely cornering the market going,
• 32:22
  oh, you want to know what's wrong with your car, you got
• 32:23
  to bring it to a main dealer. So I think they know I'm still
• 32:27
  open to fucking criticism on that one. The mechanics could be listening on.
• 32:30
  I can't get into a fucking a Jetchia or Dessi or whatever they fucking called.
• 32:37
  But it's fun to have and no harm for you to get one.
• 32:39
  Because if those simplistic things that are giving you a pain in your tasts you
• 32:43
  get there, for twenty six years, you have here all these more or
• 32:45
  less these things that I'm talking about, You'll have them forever I'm here,
• 32:50
  Tom, I don't want to do Jamie on it. If that is what
• 32:52
  that other fucking day his name is here, okay, but this is from
• 32:53
  Mixed Garage dot I E again miscarriage dot com. I beg your pardoner and
• 32:59
  I just him that make was irish. That's that's on me? He is,
• 33:01
  Yeah, I know he is. He's only up the road for me.
• 33:04
  And it's this little like little iPod of a thing and a scar cable
• 33:07
  to twenty six ninety five again use the promo code Tom and Jerry to get
• 33:13
  fuck all off that and what the hell right? It's you know what it
• 33:22
  does here Tom, And it retrieves the vehicle identification number on on vehicles.
• 33:31
  And I had to get that done because I lost the code of the radio
• 33:36
  because I replaced the fucking I think it replaced the battery of the car wiped
• 33:40
  the code of the radio. And they were like, oh, we can
• 33:43
  retrieve the code of the radio for can you give us the vehicle identification number?
• 33:46
  And I was like, I can give you the redge. They're like,
• 33:50
  no, stupid CAD. It's the it's the v I N and you
• 33:52
  need the number. Yeah. I was like, well where do I get
• 33:54
  that? Also? We can we can we can retrieve that for you,
• 33:58
  and they charge me eighty pounds to do that. Tom, okay, your
• 34:01
  fin number? Oh Jesus Christ. Okay, but wasn't that something like that?
• 34:07
  Yeah? Yeah, okay. Well, if if it was something like
• 34:09
  that, I had to get a code in there, like we'll get it
• 34:12
  fire for eighty I say, eighty pounds eighty euros and here and here I
• 34:15
  could have spent eighty euros on this thing and had fifty three euros change.
• 34:23
  You could have gotten a set of fucking wiper blades afterwards. Yeah Jesus,
• 34:27
  time and free delivery for over fifty grades. Podcast is saving people. I'm
• 34:30
  on money, by the way, with these vehicle diagnostic tools. The next
• 34:35
  one is like a three and thirty nine euro and it is a big eye
• 34:39
  prod of thing. I don't think anybody needs that, Tom, No,
• 34:43
  I don't think anybody listening to this podcast needs that. But this wee thing
• 34:45
  for twenty five euro I think I might get. It's it's to put your
• 34:49
  mind at the ease when you get if you get a big old fucking orange
• 34:52
  triangle coming up on the on this on in the dashboard, probably not great.
• 34:55
  You should be bringing to you know, you should be but sometimes like
• 34:59
  my fucking you up with pistoner pansity the other day over the sensor in the
• 35:04
  water bottle. Yeah, she can relax for a while. That can relax.
• 35:07
  But if you open it up and all of a sudden it says,
• 35:09
  you know, fucking bollocks falling out of your car. You know you gotta
• 35:14
  your engine misfiring, Then, by Jesus Christ, you've got to get it
• 35:17
  up to the up to the mechanic all right, moving, okay, the
• 35:24
  power source of your car firing those park players we talked about earlier. Car
• 35:29
  battery again, don't don't allow it to be a fucking mystery. Don't allow
• 35:32
  it to be a mystery. You can It's very easy to buy a car
• 35:37
  battery again. Car accessory crowds will sell of you. Here's the thing.
• 35:40
  If you're going, I'll put it in miss out. If you can get
• 35:43
  it done for fucking free again, get your man to throw it in for
• 35:45
  you. Fucking things can be heavy enough, awkward enough, but at the
• 35:49
  same time, if they're absolutely not going to do it for you, do
• 35:52
  fear not. Fear fucking not. It is not that fucking big of a
• 35:55
  deal you'll need Again, these are all the you should have accumulated in life
• 36:00
  anywhere. But I'm not saying you gotta get this. You gotta have a
• 36:05
  little socket set, a little set of socket Look, Halford's twenty two euro
• 36:08
  again, mind it, you'll have it forever. I wonderneath the desk there
• 36:10
  to de shiney for the last twelve fucking years from Halford's. Do you know
• 36:14
  what I mean? It was? I think it was twelve quid when I
• 36:15
  bought the fucking thing. But just mind it me, you'll have it forever.
• 36:20
  Look, people will tell you take off this one, first take off
• 36:22
  that one, first take off. I typically take off the red one.
• 36:27
  I don't get fucking technical here, tom, all right, take off the
• 36:30
  black one. Fucking keep them apart, read one, the black one.
• 36:34
  Okay, don't bomboot up with science here, buddy, there'll be all sorts.
• 36:39
  Look, just get the owl fucking yoga out. Fuck it out.
• 36:42
  It might be all right. It might be a case that you left the
• 36:45
  light on. Maybe you can get a trickle charger. Again, I'm not
• 36:47
  telling you to go buy a fucking trickle charger, but sometimes sometimes the reason
• 36:52
  why I'm saying got into the car battery thing here sometimes if you're driving a
• 36:54
  relatively a car with a relatively new battery. I eat inside five years old.
• 36:59
  That's a really renew batter. That's all right, chance, unless you've
• 37:01
  done the bollocks on it twenty times over leaving the fucking inside light on fox
• 37:07
  sake, like you know, while you were searching for the fucking key of
• 37:09
  the house. Yeah, okay, you may have fucked the battery, but
• 37:14
  a lot of the time a jumpstart will do. Now, I'm not gonna
• 37:16
  fucking get into that. A battery is the same as the battery in the
• 37:19
  fucking remote. It's gotta go in, gotta go out right. They're a
• 37:22
  heavy country yoake in a lot of ways. Depending on the size of your
• 37:24
  car, you might only need one with from thirty five a I think it's
• 37:29
  ah is on a measure up to ninety, which is going in up to
• 37:34
  ninety. Then you're talking to big engine cars. One hundred and ten is
• 37:36
  in the jeep right now, big old fucking tractor fucking ones. You need
• 37:39
  it for bigger crank. You need that fucking pop for a bigger crank.
• 37:44
  Is there again, don't detriment to putting too big of a car too big
• 37:47
  of a there is. There is, there is, there is. Yeah,
• 37:51
  you do not need like there is. I haven't I've done it and
• 37:55
  not seen it, but I've heard there is from people who are in the
• 37:59
  know, who I believe. So just don't a lot of time. Your
• 38:02
  Cara will only need a relatively small one, you know what I mean.
• 38:06
  Now here's the thing. I'm gonna jump straight off there because I'm not going
• 38:07
  to delay on fucking changing a fucking battery, red black, fucking pop them
• 38:12
  on, Put fucking black on first when you're going, but then put red
• 38:15
  on, Tighten them hard. Don't be fucking frightening giving him a bit of
• 38:17
  a fucking squeeze, because the smoother of a grip you get around it,
• 38:22
  the smoother juice coming back out of it. Now, I don't want to
• 38:24
  I don't want to be this guy here, but I feel like she could
• 38:27
  come in and say, don't touch the two metal parts. Oh okay,
• 38:31
  yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, that's exactly we know not to do
• 38:36
  that, right, I mean, like Tom Jerry, audience, come on
• 38:38
  like they know, they know, But a hell of a lot you'll change
• 38:44
  fucking three car batteries in your whole fucking life. I swear to God you
• 38:46
  at most, unless unless you've got an out rig that you keep for the
• 38:51
  winter, you probably will never change one, because in all fairness, they
• 38:55
  do they don't fucking die as easy as they used to die. And on
• 38:59
  top of that, stuff doesn't stay like the radio doesn't stay on. Yeah,
• 39:04
  yeah, I mean once upon a time a radio didn't stay on.
• 39:07
  Lights fucking could stay on if you didn't. Now there's fucking more sirens to
• 39:09
  go off to tell you that ship is left on or keys are left in
• 39:13
  this and nine times out of ten, the fucking thing kind of goes he's
• 39:15
  a fucking in and shuts itself down anyway, So, in all fairness,
• 39:20
  the likelihood of actually running a car battery down is on other than you're letting
• 39:23
  it sit for fucking three years because you're away. Fucking This is around fucking
• 39:28
  and this is you know, age happened when you go to fucking, you
• 39:30
  know, to Berlin for the weekend and you come back to the airport.
• 39:34
  I don't think you have to worry that your car battery is going to be
• 39:37
  You should you should be okay. But on the off chance that you're not,
• 39:39
  Tom go on. Please discuss. But here's the thing. Nine times
• 39:44
  out of ten, giving that battery of fucking spin down the road will do
• 39:47
  fine, do you know what I mean? And if you can do it,
• 39:50
  I'm it gets a better charge if the lights aren't on. So sometimes
• 39:53
  you have your light set to auto come on regardless, turn the lights off,
• 39:58
  turn the radio off and the fucking fan heater, just so the battery
• 40:01
  can just go. I'll give you the fuck no, I'm grand again.
• 40:04
  Yeah, five miles down the road, it'll be the finest drive on.
• 40:07
  But here's the thing. You do. Come back to the car. Something's
• 40:09
  happened in the way. You've left the fucking light on internally and it has
• 40:13
  shipped the bad battery because you have only a small car and a small battery.
• 40:16
  Jump leads. This is a fucking mystery. Someone the amount of fucking
• 40:20
  people now this is probably the number one one why they agreed. Well,
• 40:22
  when you brought me with this, I went, well, this has to
• 40:24
  be in there. Jump leads. Fuck me, it's fuck me it okay,
• 40:31
  it's here's the basics. Decent set of jump leads twenty quid. Yeah,
• 40:37
  keep them in the pack. Mind again, these are things that you.
• 40:40
  I have a set of fucking jump leads from fucking fortes. We are
• 40:44
  running out of boot space here with all the stuff, with the fucking diagnostic
• 40:50
  to get it. But if you are, if you organize your fucking boot
• 40:52
  right window loo, look look I'm saying, look, if you drive a
• 40:55
  fuck it, if you drive a fucking I don't know what's a tiny car.
• 40:59
  Nowadays, there's no tiny cars any anymore. They've all got good sized
• 41:01
  fucking boots. But if you're driving a die hate to charade, that zero
• 41:07
  six diet to charade, then I'm sorry, but look here the thing.
• 41:12
  But say you don't have one, you pull into a fucking petro station,
• 41:15
  they go look at that. There they are, and now you know how
• 41:19
  to This is how you're going to know how to use them. Okay,
• 41:22
  you get a nice old soul who's going to give you a jump start.
• 41:25
  You recognize what side your batteries on, but popping your hood, popping the
• 41:29
  bonnet right. Recognize sometimes it's left, sometimes it's right, same with theirs.
• 41:32
  Most of the time it's on sitting in the car sat. It would
• 41:36
  be on fucking you know, stage left. It would be on the passenger
• 41:38
  side. Or in the boot in a certain hype power or in the boot,
• 41:43
  or if you're driving a fucking Tiota Dina, it's under the fucking passenger
• 41:47
  seat, which I was never comfortable with anyway. But that's where rubbish goes.
• 41:53
  That's where rubbish exactly. That's what Luke said. Buttles are supposed to
• 41:55
  go on fags and Chris the cans. That will just cause a cause of
• 42:00
  short So pull it over. Pull the running car over with with the full
• 42:06
  You know they've got the juicy battery and you want to go black to black.
• 42:10
  So where am I hooking it on to? Jerry? I'm hooking it
• 42:14
  on to the same the little the little nodes that are gripped. It's okay.
• 42:17
  You don't have to take off anything. You may have to pull it
• 42:20
  back a little, you know, the rubber caps or whatever. Grip it
• 42:22
  straight on with the with the crocodile clip that is the at the end.
• 42:27
  Either end up the cable, black cable on. Get it on good in
• 42:30
  time. Make sure it's getting as much surface area coverage as possible. Onto
• 42:34
  his onto yours. Some people say one or the other. Now, when
• 42:37
  you're putting the red on, put on yours onto the dead one. Then
• 42:42
  now again, it doesn't make a matter of massive difference. You're not talking
• 42:45
  about running two fucking jumbo jets off each other onto his onto yours. Now,
• 42:52
  do you just jump straight into your car, Jerry, now that you've
• 42:54
  hooked it up and crank it. Now you fucking don't you give it a
• 42:59
  fucking minute, and I mean that, give it a full fucking minute.
• 43:02
  If you've met a very nice person, you could ask them if they wouldn't
• 43:07
  mind pushing in their accelerator to bring it up to two thousand revs. That's
• 43:12
  where you want it really, to get full electricity output and firing it in
• 43:17
  so you're pouring electricity from their car into your car. Long before there was
• 43:22
  ever a tesla. Give it a minute, try it. Don't go fucking
• 43:29
  cranking this shit out of it. If you're getting absolutely not knowly clicklick,
• 43:31
  click, clicklick. But give it another little bit, give it another minute,
• 43:37
  patience. I swear my fucking life. I had a remember I used
• 43:42
  to do the Ferrari job. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, Well to
• 43:47
  enlighten people, I used to do Ferrari experiences with people. And one of
• 43:51
  the guys that was doing it. The lads had hired him to fill in
• 43:52
  for me because they've gotten it so popular. They bought a few of these
• 43:55
  cars. They got this guy who's a driving instructor. I couldn't believe how
• 44:00
  fucking little this guy actually knew about cars. He was worrying how much this
• 44:04
  guy knew. How little this guy knew about cars. The hiredest guy to
• 44:07
  trial him. He rings me, going, this fucking thing won't start.
• 44:12
  Of course it wouldn't start. He's been sitting in the garage all fucking winter.
• 44:15
  Nobody put it on a trickle feed. It's okay, relax, it's
• 44:17
  all right. He's running his Ford Fiesta into fucking charge. Yeah yeah,
• 44:24
  a Ferrari like with a giant fucking battery, and he's just putting it straight
• 44:29
  to it. He got it right, He got it straight, absolutely right.
• 44:31
  Actually, that battery was in the footwell of the passenger seat. The
• 44:35
  passenger said, he hooked up the battery the jump, let's just find his
• 44:39
  own. But like within three seconds of jumping out of his own one liter
• 44:44
  Fiesta into a three point eight later, Ferrari just start cranking it, cranking
• 44:47
  a crank and a cranking a crank and stomping on this rattle and seeking to
• 44:50
  get it, and he rings me in this panic. I'm like, well,
• 44:52
  what what are you doing? So I get over there and he's doing
• 44:54
  this again, like did you did you let it have a second to fucking
• 44:59
  wake up? It's been a sleeping six months. Here's the thing, Tom,
• 45:02
  Do you walk into the house, turn on the immersion strip and get
• 45:07
  straight into the shower. Well, that's that's exactly it. Give it a
• 45:12
  second, give it a little while to fucking warm up, fill up a
• 45:15
  little bit, and then it'll get it first time. I do think people
• 45:19
  there with ice cold balls. I mean the notion of electricity. I suppose
• 45:23
  with people in this scenario, maybe they're still in electric mode where they just
• 45:28
  think with flippers. With that. When it comes to or burning organic matter
• 45:32
  i e. Oil, you have to have an organic attitude that you need
• 45:37
  to just sit back and fucking chill for one second and let the car take
• 45:42
  a fucking deep breath. Do you know what I mean? Just fucking relax
• 45:45
  for one fucking second, because everything needs a second, right, depending on
• 45:51
  right. And say that Batman's fiesta would that Man's fiesta would have charged that
• 45:54
  Ferrari. Just given a little bit time, I now would have taken a
• 46:00
  ten minutes because there was a fart of a car like there was fucking like
• 46:02
  but it was a woman, right, it was. It was a thirty
• 46:06
  fucking or ah battery in his thirty or thirty five to a ninety in the
• 46:13
  Ferrari. So you know what I mean, you're you're yeah, you know
• 46:15
  you got you got four pounds of ship and it's a fucking twenty pound bag.
• 46:20
  You're gonna have to shad a bit more, go harder. I fucking
• 46:23
  throw a bit more into it, just enough to crank it. And after
• 46:27
  that once she got going, you know. But which led me to another
• 46:30
  one, which actually reminded me of the same fucking idiot. Because the car's
• 46:35
  battery. He drove up the Oh listen, he may or may not.
• 46:40
  Well, I had it, yeah to let him fucking go. Later on
• 46:43
  that evening he was that fucking abysma, but he was. He drove up
• 46:49
  the fucking road. He immediately wanted to throw petrol in. I went,
• 46:53
  well, yeah, you probably get through the fur up to lunchtime without petrol
• 46:57
  but filling, but we are I wouldn't he didn't listen to me, went
• 47:00
  up, locked the car, the key fob. The batteries were gone cold
• 47:06
  dead on that too, and he had a complete nutter fucking meltdown. I
• 47:10
  went, okay, bringing me now again, I went, okay, what's
• 47:14
  the fucking car went fucking open now because the fucking key fob. I went,
• 47:17
  okay, Well, let's you know it's it's it's consistent, and it's
• 47:23
  fucking ferrari these relaxed. Here's the thing. It can happen to fucking anybody,
• 47:29
  but it doesn't happen all of a sudden unless you've left your fucking car
• 47:31
  for six months. If you start to feel the fob going, then around.
• 47:37
  But if you do come across this scenario, here's the thing. And
• 47:40
  you're looking at the handles going there used to be fucking key holes on these
• 47:45
  cars back in the fucking mid two thousands, and they don't have them anymore.
• 47:49
  Yes they fucking do, Yes they do. Jar, I'll let you.
• 47:52
  You want to tell me. I know I have had experienced this before
• 47:57
  where I'm at the at the door handle and there's no way to get into
• 48:00
  it, and oh god, isn't technology a terrible thing? But there's like
• 48:06
  a secret keyhole, right, yeah, there is normally on the passenger side,
• 48:10
  and and I might still be on the driver's side, might still be
• 48:15
  on the driver's side. The key itself, like you know the way keys
• 48:17
  these days might be just like a chunk of a thing that doesn't have actually
• 48:21
  any key that slides into anything. It's just like a chunky fob of a
• 48:27
  thing that splits and comes apart like a little transfer. Yeah. Yeah,
• 48:31
  and it's a key inside it. I have I have experiences Rehno, I
• 48:36
  think we're one of the Reno or Sitroum. We're one of the first to
• 48:38
  do it for regular cars where it wasn't actually an ignition, you know,
• 48:43
  you turn it with your cranking, which I still like. I still like
• 48:45
  the MYOPA does that. I had a Volkswagon before, and you put the
• 48:51
  key into a little port in the dashboard and then there was a button to
• 48:53
  push. I was like, why are we doing this now? Anyway,
• 48:57
  it's six and one and a half, doesn't the other that thing again,
• 49:00
  A little a little stick, a plastic shaped key popped out of that and
• 49:05
  would go into a little the same handle on the passenger side. If you
• 49:07
  do drive a volts Wagon. Feel underneath it and the the the end of
• 49:14
  the handle that is close closer to the back of the car. If you
• 49:16
  get me the last inch of that will pop up and inside it lo and
• 49:22
  behold there's a fucking keyhole and that little classic hole will go in and release
• 49:28
  the car. Now you still have to start with your own key and everything
• 49:30
  when you get into it. But know that there is a way in.
• 49:35
  Know that there is a fucking way in unless cars are not built for them
• 49:40
  to be for for them to be tricked and locked out. So you're there
• 49:45
  with a car and you're locked it and now you never can get into it
• 49:47
  ever again. It's sealed like fucking toot and cam ands tomb grass will grow
• 49:53
  around to walk away. Let the let the send of the time take it.
• 49:58
  Yeah, exactly, You'll never get into this fucking car again. You'll
• 50:00
  get into the car. You will get into the car. And as Tom
• 50:05
  has said throughout this whole series, why don't you take five minutes right now
• 50:12
  and find out the following things so that when you do fucking lock yourself out
• 50:15
  of the car or what have you, that you can get it open or
• 50:20
  if you do, uh need to know where your battery is to get a
• 50:24
  jump start. The at least you know that you're not completely fucking helpless like
• 50:29
  a duck on its bod. Here's the thing, like, right now there'll
• 50:32
  be some people scoff and going Ari for Fox. I don't need to know
• 50:36
  that, trust me. The smugness you will have if you have somebody with
• 50:39
  you, if for nothing else. This is how small minded I can be
• 50:44
  sometimes, but I understand people. The smugness if you have somebody with you
• 50:47
  who's also lost in the fog about how to solve the situation. And the
• 50:52
  next thing do you go to the rolodex in your mind and you remember these
• 50:55
  two fucking idiots going what you do is and you remember it and then you
• 51:00
  do it and it works. The fucking smugness and the level of adultness you
• 51:05
  will have over your counterpart, it's you won't be able to buy that.
• 51:09
  You couldn't buy it. The level of the level of cool dick even a
• 51:15
  little bit, a little bit in the company of people that know nothing is.
• 51:22
  And here's the thing. This is coming from two blokes who kind of
• 51:25
  only have know it, and I sure should only know it because I've been
• 51:29
  fucking caught in these situations, so many fun I'm not looking forward to the
• 51:31
  common section of this one time. I swear to God where I can't wait
• 51:36
  for you two Fox know nothing, absolutely appreciate. There are mechanics listening.
• 51:43
  There will be and there is there. They're listeners and they'll go, oh
• 51:46
  for fox sake, because we've got We've been pulled up by scientists and stuff
• 51:50
  in the past. I've gotten messages gonna God bless you. At least you're
• 51:52
  funny. We're just we're speaking from late point of views. And the only
• 52:00
  learnings that I've that I can give you are not something I learned because some
• 52:06
  master craftsman but Canny taught me. It's because of the fuck ups and the
• 52:10
  fucking odd situations I found myself in some backwoods are fucking loud, trying to
• 52:16
  come out of a fucking a gig to fucking four people and hay barn and
• 52:22
  for some reason doesn't want to go home. You know what I mean?
• 52:24
  All right to have what what else have you got? Frost there? But
• 52:27
  what other nuggets you got there? Just look, there's a handful of things.
• 52:30
  Those are kind of the big things. I don't want to fucking people's
• 52:34
  boots filling up. These are just the kind of things that would just they
• 52:37
  give you a bit of focus and a small bit of fucking, a small
• 52:39
  bit of nouse, as they say, going down the fucking road. I'm
• 52:44
  just gonna pop through a few here now. Yeah, I've got a couple
• 52:46
  of quick fire questions for you that maybe you can answer, maybe you can't
• 52:51
  perfect, so I'm not I'm not gonna bang on about these ones. Just
• 52:54
  keep an eye out for you feel a lightness coming in your clutch because you're
• 52:58
  a city driver. I'm gonna tell you it's a thousand years coming down the
• 53:01
  line. Yes, yeah, it's. There are certain things. Now you
• 53:07
  may get a very sound mechanic who feels they won't have to replace the whole
• 53:10
  clutch. It's because of the overuse of clutches in cities, or the overuse
• 53:15
  of a clutch when pulling heavy weights, because you've got to take off the
• 53:17
  accelerator really easy sometimes when you're pulling a real heavyweight. I probably don't need
• 53:23
  to tell the people that pull heavyweights that they know they're fucking more into it
• 53:28
  than I know. Nobody listening to this is going to accidentally be pulling a
• 53:30
  trailer someday. No, And that's why I didn't get into trailers or anything
• 53:35
  like that, because the kind of people that drive them back up fucking triple
• 53:37
  AXL FU trailers and quadruple AXL trailers enjoy. They probably skipped through this,
• 53:43
  or maybe they're just listening for fucking critique. But I've blown a couple of
• 53:47
  clutches in my time, most one no two for definite from pulling heavy loads.
• 53:52
  One from purely city driving. And he was actually able to replace the
• 53:58
  plate on it, like one of the pressure plays the pressure plate rather than
• 54:00
  the full how the whole thing, So it became a six hundred your job
• 54:04
  instead of a thousand euro job. Look four hundred quid, Oh yeah,
• 54:09
  four hundred quid worth a ham on one plate exactly. Things like keeping an
• 54:15
  eye out on fucking turbos going, fucking e GR valves going again, the
• 54:19
  little diagnostic machine for maintenance once a year. If you want, you get
• 54:23
  yourself an EGR valve cleaner. It cleans off a lot of the ship because
• 54:28
  if you're driving fuel, know that they're smoky ship, especially a diesel.
• 54:31
  It's quite simplistic to use Google it, you squirt it into the air,
• 54:36
  the air intake, and that sucks it all the way through and it blows
• 54:39
  out a lot of the black ship out the back. That will probably slow
• 54:43
  down your car and make it less efficient. Just keep it an EGR valve
• 54:46
  cleaner. It's a spring can get us into the realm to realms. Tom
• 54:51
  And I'm sorry to pausey here, but anytime I go in to get you
• 54:53
  know, wiper blades or fucking yeah, yes, ah, into into the
• 55:00
  car parts place, ricktion, I love it. Why do I imagine going
• 55:10
  in wearing lazy gloves in your hand bag? Hand up? Excuse? Could
• 55:16
  you find gentleman's tell a Southern bill where she might get into the local cotton?
• 55:23
  My cousin has expected me. My automobile just won't go. Ah.
• 55:30
  But there's always these racks of like, like I guess additives is be what
• 55:37
  you know that you put into the patrol, and it's like put this into
• 55:38
  your patrol for more power, and put this into your patrol to clean your
• 55:43
  engine, and put this into your patrol to remove carbon scoring and all that.
• 55:46
  Do you need them fucking work? There's a there's a Wicklow crowd who
• 55:51
  have won several awards, and they stand and I mean a lot of a
• 55:52
  couple of mechanics do stand over and I've noticed it in the long run.
• 55:55
  I don't know about cleaning engine and stuff like that. I can't fucking see
• 55:59
  in there. But there's a crowd called Diptane. You'll see the long kind
• 56:02
  of white battle of its green. It's got a graduated symbols on the side
• 56:07
  of Jesus Man. We're selling some stuff on this podcast. But I've noticed.
• 56:10
  I've noticed because I buy all my diesel from the one petro station,
• 56:15
  which is a shout out to the petrol station and bench a really good diesel.
• 56:19
  But I've noticed on long I do very similar style driving. I don't
• 56:23
  do much city driving anymore. I do long motorway driving. And I've noticed
• 56:29
  using the using the bottle of Diptain, I probably get an extra hundred in
• 56:32
  the tank. I swear to God, Yeah, yeah, I don't know
• 56:37
  if it's good, better and different for the engine, but I know I'm
• 56:39
  getting longer. And she runs like you know, I always just thought that
• 56:44
  some of these, like these engine treatments and cleaners and all this kind of
• 56:47
  horseshit, like you know, is it just like, is it like I'm
• 56:51
  just actimel for your engine that maybe, Yeah, I wonder if some of
• 56:54
  it a bit fucking are people not getting you probably have to do what I'm
• 56:58
  doing to get the fuck. Other than that, it's probably a bit snake
• 57:01
  eily. Now it's saying that my fucking yok isn't going to build up much
• 57:05
  fucking carbon. Gone up the motorway at one hundred fucking odd and a two
• 57:08
  hundred fucking k journey, three hundred four hundred k journey, it's getting a
• 57:12
  good fucking blowout. But if you have I guess if you're again, you're
• 57:16
  doing a four second third, fucking third second third, second third forest stop.
• 57:22
  A lot of that driving in the city. Yeah, A lot of
• 57:24
  the fucking heavy particles won't get blown out of your engine like they do out
• 57:29
  of mind, So maybe maybe you'd probably need to use this shit more.
• 57:34
  But the e GR valve cleaner I found it actually made it made my throttle
• 57:40
  the accelerator a lot more responsive. I didn't do. You know, like
• 57:46
  when you when you get your teeth cleaned and you go fuck me of all
• 57:50
  them fucking lovely gaps all over the back of your teeth. You're going,
• 57:52
  oh, I feel gross because I had plaque in there. Yeah yeah,
• 57:55
  yeah, yeah, yea, yeah yeah yeah. Well it's the same thing
• 58:00
  I noticed. I was like, oh, I have way more control over
• 58:01
  the speed here, now do you know what I mean? But then for
• 58:04
  a lot of people that doesn't matter. How fuck just saying if you will
• 58:07
  have a bit of pride in your car, you want to clean the fucking
• 58:08
  guts of it out every so often. This is like a fucking I get
• 58:12
  us. I guess it's like get you know, colon clean. Just fucking
• 58:15
  if you want to go back and listen to Jerry's fucking tourbo ax fucking episode
• 58:20
  where he you know, he blew his back door out, you know,
• 58:22
  ah, well, I don't care for how you describe it, sir.
• 58:28
  I apologize, but I've told a story a bunch of times, and I've
• 58:30
  directed people to that episode when they're going when he used it and I'll just
• 58:35
  head to work, I'm like, no, you're not. Go listen to
• 58:37
  Jerry Bright. He thought he was going. He thought he was going to
• 58:38
  work as well that day. Turns out he cried himself to sleep on the
• 58:42
  fucking toilet. Is it. Yeah, all the things other things to come
• 58:50
  out with, like the lightnse, Look, there's the I just want people
• 58:54
  to be aware of the different lights they have in their car. Right,
• 58:58
  So you have your headlights, of course, you have your dips. Yes,
• 59:00
  you have parking lights. Fucking hell Jesus Christ, people, it's standardized.
• 59:08
  It must be orange. There's an orange green for fucking heads, blue
• 59:13
  for dips or sorry, beg your pardon the other way around, but orange
• 59:19
  fucking orange for your big fucking fog light at the back and forward specifically make
• 59:25
  a fucking cunt. And I say this because I have last years of my
• 59:30
  life and temper being caught behind fuckers on the clearest night of the fucking of
• 59:36
  the year with a big, dirty well. I can't look directly at the
• 59:38
  back end of the car. It's it's like looking into fucking sourn's fucking anus.
• 59:44
  Yeah, this fucking thing just and you're like, how the fuck do
• 59:47
  you not know that that thing is on? Or do you just go I'll
• 59:51
  leave it, and because it just keeps it safe. No, oh,
• 59:55
  you have bunch. You have a bunch of lights back there, your motherfucker.
• 1:00:00
  It's just it's like driving with your full headlights on just out the back
• 1:00:05
  of the car. Do you know what you're doing? Do you know what
• 1:00:07
  you're doing? Your fucking crop dusting people with your farts inside the fucking sub
• 1:00:10
  boy or inside the fucking a fucking lift. You're like Era fuck y,
• 1:00:17
  you don't even know you're doing it. Yeah, look, just be aware
• 1:00:22
  of it. Turn the fucking thing off when the fucking fog isn't there.
• 1:00:25
  Come on people, it's for some people. It's just one of those bug
• 1:00:30
  bears that I have. I'm asking from a person point of view, right,
• 1:00:32
  I'm gonna if people have asked me before, should they put a tow
• 1:00:36
  bar in the car and learn how. I'm always a firm believer in the
• 1:00:37
  toe bar. Put it on, don't put it on. It does protect
• 1:00:39
  your fucking rear bumper. But I haven't been rear endered a long time so
• 1:00:43
  and I'm not in those environments when it happens. So it's up to fucking
• 1:00:45
  you. Power steering fluid people, remember I have asked me about that.
• 1:00:49
  If you're losing power steer flute, you've got a big problem. Also cooland
• 1:00:52
  people go, oh, keep an eye on your coolant, Yes, keep
• 1:00:54
  an eye on it. But by fuck, if you are losing cooland then
• 1:01:00
  it ain't as simple as a fucking poor top that back. You shouldn't lose
• 1:01:02
  one fucking milli liter off fucking of coolant, you sure sh should. That's
• 1:01:07
  a that's a closed loop. That's a closed circuit. You should not be
• 1:01:12
  losing that ship. It's like your rad's in your fucking house. You should
• 1:01:15
  not be losing pressure in your add something. And if it's gone fucking somewhere,
• 1:01:22
  chances are it's going into There's a terminology that you'll hear, a blown
• 1:01:25
  head gasket. A gasket is the rubber a rubber seal that goes between the
• 1:01:30
  top of your engine like a sound, like the top of a fucking lunch
• 1:01:32
  box, and the main body or the engine, and there's a fucking rubbery
• 1:01:37
  seal that's the exact same shape as that in between the two. When that
• 1:01:39
  wears out, sometimes that coolant can then get in around that. Now it's
• 1:01:45
  up to you how you go about it. I'm not telling you to go
• 1:01:47
  out and get fucking steel seal, which is an additive that you can stick
• 1:01:52
  in there. That fucking expands like fucking iron. It turns liquid to fucking
• 1:01:58
  steel and fills holes and stuff like that. Look, I would take that
• 1:02:00
  to the mechanic and ask his opinion whether he thinks your car is worked it
• 1:02:04
  or not. Yea, I know, yeah, We're not gonna fucking skim
• 1:02:06
  ahead gasket here on this podcast. Here's the thing. If if you're losing,
• 1:02:09
  if you're losing that, if you're losing coolant, that's dry to the
• 1:02:14
  fucking mechanic. I said, I'm losing coolant at least, and I don't
• 1:02:17
  worry about his fucking don't worry about his fucking ego. I'm losing coolant.
• 1:02:22
  If I if I remember correctly, Tom, because I believe this befell me
• 1:02:25
  with the fourth car that I ever had, that I was losing coolant into
• 1:02:30
  the engine. Hm. If I remember correctly, If I checked the oil
• 1:02:36
  of the car, it was gray. It was like orange kind of Yeah,
• 1:02:40
  that's you're in trouble. There's something. Your oil wasn't black as oil
• 1:02:44
  would be. We all know what oil is, guys. If that oil
• 1:02:47
  has like a like a like a like an orange film, or as Thom
• 1:02:52
  says, a great kind of sludge to it, something's getting into that and
• 1:02:54
  it's getting in through the hole in your head gasket. And that is going
• 1:03:00
  to leave you on the side of the fucking road from when you least.
• 1:03:04
  Because you know what I did when I found my orange sludge in the oil
• 1:03:07
  tom to move on. Yeah, you know what happened, seize the engine.
• 1:03:15
  Yeah that was that. Well, look at it's it's a it's something
• 1:03:20
  to keep an eye on. But I would again, I wouldn't be looking
• 1:03:22
  every Monday, but you'll find signs are to just start losing power and stuff
• 1:03:28
  like that. But look, if you want to keep an eye on it,
• 1:03:30
  to keep an eye on it. But if you start fucking losing that
• 1:03:31
  ship, isn't just a little hole in the bottom of the bottle. It's
• 1:03:36
  another it's another little hopper, little bottle in the engine. The other one
• 1:03:42
  power steering fluid Again, it's it's you don't want to be losing it,
• 1:03:46
  but it's it's it ain't going anywhere, but they're leaking the pipe somewhere.
• 1:03:50
  It's supposed to make the steering cut if you go. I remember I bought
• 1:03:52
  a car years ago and it was steering, was really heavy in it.
• 1:03:55
  I bought it for half fucking not on that basis. Found there was a
• 1:04:00
  giant fucking crack in the very end of the pipe where I was meeting the
• 1:04:02
  watch McCullough. I put a Dubilee clip on it top the back up steering.
• 1:04:08
  That was that stroke A fucking look anyway, just fucking telling you that
• 1:04:12
  to keep an eye on it and everything else. I had one more thing
• 1:04:15
  and I can't. Oh yeah, here's the fucking thing. You'll enjoy this
• 1:04:17
  because you love a good fucking service of a scenario in the spring or just
• 1:04:23
  before the winter, or during the winter, whenever you fucking want. At
• 1:04:26
  the bottom of all doors, car doors are two quite often too, because
• 1:04:31
  most doors are at a bit of a slant, and they're in two compartments.
• 1:04:34
  You'll find if you reach underneath the door, the flat bit of the
• 1:04:36
  door, a bit of the car that you would never ever ever consider touching.
• 1:04:42
  Have a look under there. Now, bring a rag because it's gonna
• 1:04:45
  be a bit dirty. Give it a clean and tell me what you find.
• 1:04:47
  Okay, I'll tell you what You'll find. Two rubber little bunks.
• 1:04:54
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, pull them off.
• 1:04:57
  Just pull them off a couple of times a year, and guess we'll
• 1:05:00
  come flying out. What what gick? Yeah? What just water? Because
• 1:05:04
  here's the thing. It doesn't just magically hit your windows and go flying away
• 1:05:09
  again. Sometimes it runs down and moisture will get inside the little rubbery strip
• 1:05:15
  and it has to go somewhere down. This is the thing people like,
• 1:05:19
  I'm bad cars and the next thing you see rust at the bottom of God
• 1:05:23
  the whole chance he must be gone. Chances are fucking doors full of water.
• 1:05:28
  Or if a car has been sitting up for a while, mask can
• 1:05:30
  fucking get inside. It loves getting inside that little strip and massacoorse will push
• 1:05:34
  that little strip out. The fucking bastard. Water will just fly down the
• 1:05:38
  inside, fill up the door. You pull that bung off, you might
• 1:05:42
  only get a little bit out, but you're as well to pop it off.
• 1:05:44
  That's the purpose of those bunks. That's the purpose of those bunks.
• 1:05:47
  Yeah. It's like a little Yeah, it's like a it's like a bath
• 1:05:50
  plug. Yeah, and then pop it back in bath plugging. Okay,
• 1:05:55
  I'll tell you a better again, Tom, pull it out and fucking leave
• 1:05:57
  it out. I've done that when when fuck it? Because I had I've
• 1:06:01
  had several carriacter you can imagine. But this was an incessant problem, right
• 1:06:05
  like the door was filling up. I was living in Cavern at the time,
• 1:06:09
  and a lot of rain happens in Cavan, much like the rain in
• 1:06:14
  Spain falls mainly fucking everywhere in Cavin. Yes, it was filling up on
• 1:06:18
  a weekly basis, and well fuck that I was. I didn't know about
• 1:06:21
  these bums at the time. And again this is how it happened. It
• 1:06:24
  was splashing back and forth. I popped it out. I found this fucking
• 1:06:28
  bomb, and when I felt that the greatest genius ever, it unloaded.
• 1:06:30
  By the following Friday, the door was splashing again. It went well,
• 1:06:33
  and I couldn't get the fucking off. For love, the money got underneath
• 1:06:36
  it. Eight mildrill bit up through the fucking door, wouldn't it was going
• 1:06:45
  Maybe that is fantastic time. No, I gonna hit you with a couple
• 1:06:46
  of couple of questions, and these are very pleased. These are questions that
• 1:06:49
  were sent in by the co host of the podcast me oh lovely because these
• 1:06:56
  are these are These are a couple of things and no more a perfectly acceptable
• 1:07:00
  answer for this time. By the way, if any of the other listeners
• 1:07:04
  have any other questions about the car. Stick them in the comments and we
• 1:07:08
  might get round to them, yeah, or refer them to an actual professional
• 1:07:12
  exactly. And Tom, I know we talked about, like you know,
• 1:07:15
  there are magic keys and magic key holes and little fucking do hickeys and all
• 1:07:18
  this kind of thing. But if you lock your keys into the car,
• 1:07:25
  is there an easy way to open that door and get them out? I'm
• 1:07:29
  talking about, like you know, and many is the time I've been there
• 1:07:30
  with the keys locked in the car and they're doing your best to see what
• 1:07:33
  you can do, and some fucking gobshit will come along They're like, oh,
• 1:07:36
  thush, why's around here? Go get into that car? Fairly handy,
• 1:07:40
  all right, pal? Do you fucking know any of them? Can't
• 1:07:43
  you give one of them a shout? Because I could do with getting into
• 1:07:45
  this car? Is there like a I don't want to be the guy that's
• 1:07:48
  on the side of the road asking anybody to have a coat hang around them,
• 1:07:51
  because I've seen this done on TV before. Is there a way that
• 1:07:55
  you can physically get into a car these days? Not that I'm not really
• 1:08:03
  like it these days, Fuck no, I mean I've seen guys cut a
• 1:08:06
  tennis ball in half. Yeah, he used to. It worked on bm
• 1:08:12
  It used to worked up on BMW's up to two thousand and six. Anyway,
• 1:08:15
  I know that because we did it. We did it the next three
• 1:08:18
  or next five, I think. For those those that aren't familiar with the
• 1:08:21
  I always thought it was a myth that, but apparently not, because Tom
• 1:08:26
  physically did it. That if you cut a tennis ball in half and put
• 1:08:29
  it over the keyhole of a of a on a corridor and like press the
• 1:08:33
  half of the tennis ball, it would create it. Oh not pressed.
• 1:08:35
  You got to fucking hit that thing, all right, So you got to
• 1:08:39
  hit it like you're going for a prize at the fair, and it would
• 1:08:42
  create pressure that went into the keys and like pop the lock. I guess,
• 1:08:45
  yeah, yeah, just just enough, just enough to confuse it.
• 1:08:49
  Whatever slight movement it was, it was almost like it was receiving the key.
• 1:08:54
  It was happy enough to open up for you, bing bingo. And
• 1:08:58
  what is that? You know? You know, you see you see guys
• 1:09:00
  in movies like Robin Carras and they've got like a long thin thing Jimmy mm
• 1:09:05
  hmm. Did Jimmy a yoke? Like I don't know it's it's it's got
• 1:09:12
  all of That's what it is. A flat like a big flat ruler with
• 1:09:15
  a little hook on the end of that little hook bes into like a bite
• 1:09:16
  into it, and you fed it down like the gap between the seal of
• 1:09:23
  the winds of the window in the driver's side, and you you just kind
• 1:09:27
  of fucked around for a little bit on the next thing to But I guess
• 1:09:30
  what I'm asking you, Tomas, how to pick locks. Some people just
• 1:09:32
  know how to pick locks. But if you look your the car, then
• 1:09:35
  just break the smallest available window on that character. That's that's and that's what's
• 1:09:41
  happened to me in the past. I just go to the normal the little
• 1:09:43
  fly window fan window at the back to bust and fucking get it in and
• 1:09:47
  get in. Yeah yeah, like that's it. Find as fall the smallest
• 1:09:49
  window is also probably going to be the cheapest to replace. So just here's
• 1:09:54
  here's the fucking thing. It was. It was a thing that happened when
• 1:09:57
  the key fob was separate to the key. Yeah, but you want to
• 1:10:00
  pull off some fucking move these days, you know what I mean? Like
• 1:10:06
  if if your car still has buttons, which a lot of cars don't anymore,
• 1:10:11
  you can. I'd have it on that because I had to do it.
• 1:10:14
  Was the only way to lock on an old jeep ahead was you had
• 1:10:16
  to actually push down the button and hold the handle out and then close it
• 1:10:20
  and it would stay that like. It was the only fucking way to lock
• 1:10:24
  this bucket of ship. I know, I shouldn't sl like it off.
• 1:10:26
  It was a Toyota high looks. I fucking love that jeep, but she
• 1:10:30
  it was the only way to lock it. And it did happen once or
• 1:10:32
  twice. And the only thing with that was I found that the windows were
• 1:10:34
  quite flimsy. And if you'd strong strong three m like duct taper grilla tape,
• 1:10:41
  maybe four or five strips of it taped halfway down the window, and
• 1:10:45
  then twist the bottom half the bottom, all four of them together at the
• 1:10:48
  bottom to make a fucking kind of a rope braid, you could yank it
• 1:10:53
  down just enough. Maybe you get an inch or two down a coat anger
• 1:10:56
  in and the buttons were quite ready to receive a fucking yeah. Okay,
• 1:11:02
  well that's that's that's interesting. Yeah I can, I can, I can.
• 1:11:05
  I can feel the motion of that that it would pull the one can
• 1:11:10
  only assume you're going to damage something while they're doing this, but it's going
• 1:11:14
  to get you off the side of the road. And that's what we're all
• 1:11:15
  about here on the tommentary. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And
• 1:11:18
  I guess my other questions some are are like, you know, kind of
• 1:11:21
  car terminology that I don't understand despite Okay, okay, the big one is
• 1:11:28
  the big one? Is this Tom and it's the big one. It's the
• 1:11:31
  big one, the big end. What the fuck is that? What is
• 1:11:35
  the big end? Oh, the big End's gone? What is that?
• 1:11:39
  What are you talking about? It's it sounds serious. Yeah, well,
• 1:11:44
  it's the subframe underneath the engine. So it's it's basically the the the rafters
• 1:11:48
  that are holding up the fucking engine and that can rot on certain brands of
• 1:11:53
  cars like Minis were terrible. Four years ago. We replaced the big end
• 1:11:57
  on a on a Mini that we were doing up to make it look race
• 1:12:00
  and style. That's we don't call them big ends here as Americans would call
• 1:12:04
  them begins, but we call them what did I just say, my brain
• 1:12:09
  run them up? The subframe? Yeah, so it would be part of
• 1:12:11
  the chassis of the car, be part of the car skeleton. But they
• 1:12:14
  are prone to rust, and in a lot of cases you can with props,
• 1:12:18
  you can take it out and buy it, and you unlike a lot
• 1:12:23
  of fucking things, you've got to buy the whole thing, like the hold
• 1:12:26
  the engine in place. Okay, well that makes sense, that's what That's
• 1:12:28
  what I told was it was I had a car that was rattling like fucking
• 1:12:31
  Someone told me like, well, your engine's good, but like the big
• 1:12:34
  end is gone. I was like, all right, okay, I'll take
• 1:12:36
  that. What you're talking about. Yeah, I mean sometimes the mountains that
• 1:12:42
  the engine is is sitting on, they have rubber bushings they're called so they're
• 1:12:46
  little, they're their own little suspenders suspension your washing machine to stop it from
• 1:12:51
  exactly so much like your washing machine. If your ma washing machine was just
• 1:12:56
  sitting flat on the floor, the fucking thing it leapt out through the back
• 1:12:59
  through the back wall. So you do have to have some sort of little
• 1:13:01
  rubber legs underneath it to take take the fucking take the hit out of it.
• 1:13:04
  But in a lot of cases, if you have a rusty it's normally
• 1:13:10
  rust is the problem. Oversalting of roads and stuff like that can eat the
• 1:13:14
  ship out of it. There's a whole there's whole companies around Dublin that make
• 1:13:17
  they make a full time living for spraying your car. Like you can.
• 1:13:21
  You can do it yourself if you wanted, but I wouldn't suggest it's a
• 1:13:26
  dirty old job they do, like chassis coatings and stuff like that. But
• 1:13:30
  there's stuff you can get as wax oil as the name, which you can
• 1:13:32
  paint it onto your metal. It's like fucking hammer, right, you know.
• 1:13:35
  Yeah, sure if you buy a fucking classic, but nobody's going doing
• 1:13:39
  that ship anyway. Nowadays. Some of the problems I'm guessing with cars is
• 1:13:43
  that they actually it's great to have that they have the plastic covering underneath,
• 1:13:47
  but in that they allow and create a fucking I suppose nearly a nice little
• 1:13:54
  fucking sauna and there, you know. But yeah, big end, right,
• 1:14:02
  you know, big end, you know, like you know fucking know
• 1:14:08
  what I'm talking about. I got one last question for you, Tom Apilior,
• 1:14:11
  the man to to use it. What is the best I suppose the
• 1:14:14
  word I'd be looking for here is like lubricant. Yeah, Like I don't
• 1:14:18
  know whether it would be like a grease, like a thick grease, or
• 1:14:21
  like a light lubricant like an oil. But what would be the best one
• 1:14:25
  to use on the system. This question is going the system underneath the passenger
• 1:14:30
  seat of the car that helps that passenger seat when you press the button underneath
• 1:14:35
  the gearstick launch a contact through the roof. First, you gotta find the
• 1:14:39
  nipple, right first, you got to great other. Yeah, you gotta
• 1:14:41
  find the nipple first. I gotta, I gotta, I guess, I
• 1:14:43
  gotta tell you. Sometimes when I press the button, he he doesn't go
• 1:14:46
  all the way, he doesn't pop out the roof all the way, and
• 1:14:49
  he's just kind of like, you know, caught by the legs on the
• 1:14:53
  sun roof, and I I just want to make sure that that's greased.
• 1:14:56
  It's embarrassed. It's embarrassment that you've left to go to that point. You're
• 1:14:59
  trying because you've said, you've said, like the per of thing, you
• 1:15:02
  said, oh, why don't you get a little bit of air, and
• 1:15:04
  you press the button and you fucking done going up with Yeah, I mean,
• 1:15:09
  there's a bunch of things that could be the problem there. I mean,
• 1:15:11
  it might be the you know, the actual compression with it and all
• 1:15:14
  the rest. But I have the compressor, and we hope make the compressor
• 1:15:18
  underneath it so I know the compression is good. I feel like we just
• 1:15:21
  needed you know, I wouldn't put it over. I wouldn't put over the
• 1:15:27
  heavy stuff on it, because it's not You're not asking for a whole day's
• 1:15:30
  workout of it. You're only asking for one, one and one and done.
• 1:15:33
  Damn near I'd be using fucking fin ass fucking lubricant like fucking dare I
• 1:15:38
  say, W forty, there you go, There you go, folks.
• 1:15:43
  We hope over the course of the last two episodes we have, if not
• 1:15:46
  educated you on your car, well then at least entertained you somewhat. But
• 1:15:51
  we're bound to have missed out a whole pile of things. What our tyron
• 1:15:56
  ends. Who knows? Why did they cost so much? Who knows why
• 1:15:59
  do I need to replace them every four months? He fucking knows. Whatever
• 1:16:02
  questions you've left about your car, fucking lob them on over there to the
• 1:16:06
  Tom and Jerry Show. I'm gonna tell them where we're gonna find them.
• 1:16:10
  Tom, We're gonna find us on most social media platforms. I'm at Jerry
• 1:16:13
  McBride, Jerry with a G. He's at Tom monosco Omanny some version of
• 1:16:17
  that'll get you on the Twitters and the Instagrams and the don't come at me
• 1:16:21
  on Facebook. I'm not on Facebook anymore. Probably one of the best ones
• 1:16:25
  I've booked, and just for the Tom and Jerry show alone will be Instagram
• 1:16:29
  and it is Jerry with a G, as you're saying, because it's one
• 1:16:31
  of the most fun ones for photographs we will be putting up. Jerry is
• 1:16:34
  very good with this kind of thing. He'll be putting up photographs of stuff
• 1:16:36
  just to not to Riley up, but at least, at the very least
• 1:16:40
  start a conversation. So same as over on Twitter as well. Fine,
• 1:16:44
  jump on over, have a go come at me, bro, No do
• 1:16:48
  please, because I've gotten stuff wrong, for sure, But let it be
• 1:16:54
  known that it's any of these pieces of nuggets and knowledge or advice that I'm
• 1:16:57
  giving you are born out of a place of fucking find myself being that stupid
• 1:17:00
  prick going why why, God Why? And I'll take you. I'll take
• 1:17:04
  you all the way back to what my owl had told me when I spotted
• 1:17:10
  that he had two spare wheels in the car on the morning, the very
• 1:17:13
  first morning that I borrowed his car, And I said this back at the
• 1:17:15
  beginning of this part one of this, and I got two fucking punctures that
• 1:17:19
  fucking morning. And when he found out, he was the most smug bollys.
• 1:17:26
  And I swear to god, that is twenty four years ago almost it'll
• 1:17:30
  be twenty four years ago in a month, in less than a month's time.
• 1:17:34
  And do you think he's forgotten that? So if you want even a
• 1:17:39
  fucking spoonful of his happiness, I eat in the guise of smugness, just
• 1:17:45
  do the stuff I'm telling you, and trust me, there'll be somebody somewhere
• 1:17:49
  that you've helped. And sure, it's nice to help people, but what's
• 1:17:54
  nice about helping people other than having one up bottom? Now, to be
• 1:17:57
  honest, they owe you something. Oh yes, somewhere, yeah, somewhere
• 1:18:01
  on Tom and Jerry Show basically is what I'm trying to say. Well,
• 1:18:03
  else we want these people exactly. Of course, if this is your very
• 1:18:08
  first time getting on board, you're like, the fuck do I do next?
• 1:18:11
  Hit subscribe, That's what you do on whatever platform you're listening on.
• 1:18:15
  Most of the year on the house. But if these days, if you
• 1:18:17
  are on Spotify, hit the bell no icon as well. So at least
• 1:18:21
  every time this an episode lands up, it'll pop up in your phone.
• 1:18:25
  And if you wouldn't mind, if you haven't done already, give us the
• 1:18:28
  five stars. Less than that is for call use. Really, given five
• 1:18:30
  stars doesn't give us any extra money, doesn't give us any extra intelligence.
• 1:18:33
  They don't send us shit. What it does is it makes more visible to
• 1:18:38
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• 1:18:42
  of the rest of them, and you can actually write something class, do
• 1:18:44
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• 1:18:53
  than that, share it be grazy. If you can share it, approach
• 1:18:57
  us on an evening out getting well, let's not let's let's not get carried
• 1:19:01
  away, Tom. If you see me in public, Oh, I want
• 1:19:04
  more people to me. I'm I'm I'm at an age now where I want
• 1:19:09
  to grow. I want to yeah, okay, director, I grow towards
• 1:19:14
  tom Ah. Tom, you can't fucking flee to the country and say come
• 1:19:17
  at me. I live in a fucking crowded city. Oh yeah, yeah,
• 1:19:21
  yeah, oh yeah. I feel invincible out here, by the way,
• 1:19:24
  with this this kind of chat, I get it. I feel vulnerable.
• 1:19:28
  I could be fucking GEO located in a moment. But I'll tell you
• 1:19:30
  above all else, and this is We're gonna wrap it up, pile of
• 1:19:31
  The one thing we want everybody to do is the title of this show,
• 1:19:38
  Tom. We want them to keep it between the ditches. All of these
• 1:19:40
  things should help you keep your car running nice and smooth. And you keep
• 1:19:44
  it running nice and smooth and safely as well. There are bigger problems with
• 1:19:47
  your cars that we have not mentioned. If it squeaks, if it rattles,
• 1:19:50
  if it jiggers, if it moves left and right when you're moving right
• 1:19:55
  and left, take it to the garage, get it sorted, don't fucking
• 1:19:59
  leave it to it, don't let it cause accidents and problems around and like
• 1:20:03
  that. Keep your motors safe and keep your road safe. Keep everyone safe.
• 1:20:06
  How about that? And asking the more than that? Right, like
• 1:20:11
  the best, everybody, like h