Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Mallorca on Mushrooms

Transcript

Mallorca on Mushrooms · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Katherine, Hello Chelsea. You guys, we are coming to
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: you live from Majorca in Spain. Yes we are. This
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: is an episode called CS I'm Majorca, where we will
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: be solving short murder mysteries. We're here with a group
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: of women and and a token male who happens to
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: be our sound engineer and podcast editor, Brad, who's Katherine's
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: lover slash husband. Indeed, so he's the only male in
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: a house filled with ten girls. Isn't nine girls? So
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: he is exhausted. He's been making the rounds and having
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: a great time. We told him this was a swinger's
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: week and that he was going to have to service
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: all ten women, and so he has been taking a
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: lot of apps. Yes, that's absolutely true. All the galaxy
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: to love him, though, I know, I know, very nicely done, Katherine,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: great choice making. He fits in. He does the little
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: eyemasks that we were all doing when we had our
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: little spa moment. Yes, Jamie Greenberg is here. She's administering.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: She's trying to contribute since her personality is not enough.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: She is giving us Ie shades and facials and all
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: sorts of little treatments. I would say, yes, yes, she's
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: going to do all of our makeup before we go
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: out tonight. And it turns out that is that what's happening? Okay,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: because that sounds that sounds annoying, sounds like a wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: yeah yeah. We make our work for it. But we've
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: been having some weather in my Orka which has been
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: kind of delightful, but it was unexpected. So there are
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: people actually surfing in front of the house today, which
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: is funny because the waves don't seem big enough to
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: be doing that. The weather is sunny during the days
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: and it rains a little bit at night, but we've
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: had crazy waves like today. These waves are and there's
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: an electrical storms a lot, and I love an electrical storm.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: But then I've been hearing about all these people getting electrocuted,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: so I'm now scared of electrical story. You were you
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: saying somebody died from an electrical storm that was like
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: two miles away. Yes, yes, I've heard a friend of
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: a friend her husband was electrocuted. Then on my on
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: the island of Majorca, there was an electrical storm and
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: two men were electrocuted. And so I usually sleep with
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: my window open, and now I am like every time
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: there's a storm, I'm like, I better shut that window
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: because the lightning is coming after us. It's like sharks.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Like sharks were bothering us for a while, and guess
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: what they are bothering us now? Because of climate change.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I believe. I believe everything is to blame on climate change.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: That's my new theory about everything. Can I tell you
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: something I think I heard in the night with my
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: window open. Oh my god, was it a sexual act?
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I mean it might have been, actually, but I think
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: for the last two nights I have heard of whales
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: from the ocean. But also it sounds like whale sounds underwater,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: So maybe I am hallucinating at four in the morning.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Are you taking them a lot of edibles here? Mushrooms?
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: What of you ingested so far? Well, we did have
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: some mushrooms on one of the first evenings. My favorite
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: moment from that was when we were all giggling and
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: laughing and having dinner on the terrorists, and we thought
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: we heard the most lovely man singing opera music and
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: we went to go check it out. We leaned over
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: the terrace wall and we heard a man walking by,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: just going We thought it was opera. It was my
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: favorite moment. My cousin Molly was like, Chelsea, can you
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: please turn the music off? I think I hear opera
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: so seriously, and I just was like, oh, shut up.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: First all, do you know how long it takes me
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: to get the fucking music on with fucking son Nos?
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: I hate sons. I've named my baby Sons. He's upstairs
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: in the crib in my closet and I tape his
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: mouth shut every night so that he can't work, just
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: like my son Nos can't work. I don't know if
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I have an electrical charge within me that speaking of electricution,
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm there's something that happens when
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I touch music that makes it stop working. Anyway, we
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: turned it off so we could hear opera, only to
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: find out that there was a man drunk in the street.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: La la la. But it sounded so beautiful to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Well I'm glad everyone's partaking. We do need more drugs
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: though this is a very light drug vacation. I wasn't prepared.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: I just assumed people would bring them like they always do,
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: and not enough people did. We all just assumed you
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: would bring them yeah, well I'm out. I've been here
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: for about a month. I did. When I ask you
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: this of your time in Ma Yorka, what was your worst,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: your weirdest, and your best experience? So far? My worst experience,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Let's think about worst experience other than oh so nos. Yeah. Well,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: let's see, I've been doing a lot of biking, so
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I think the day that we pushed it too far
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: probably would be one of my worst, not worst experiences.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Worst experiences here, I guess, are biking experiences. I probably
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: biked like something like sixty miles and I'm pretty sure
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I had heat stroke and I went to bed at
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: six thirty. We had a chef that night coming in,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: this woman, Dorothea, who's incredible, and I went to sleep.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I went upstairs to take a nap and warned everybody
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: that if I went down for a nap, I might
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: not get back up, which is exactly what happened. And
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: every time she comes, I've had heat stroke, or I've
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: been sick or dehydrated or too drunk or something that
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I couldn't have dinner. So Dorothea just thinks I'm a
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: hot mess um and I'm fine with that. So I
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: guess I wouldn't call that worst, but that was the most,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: not the worst. My body felt like I felt like
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: I was sick and I had heat stroke. My best
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: experience would also involve a bike ride. Oh, scuba diving.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: I've been scuba diving three or four times since I've
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: been here, and that's been awesome because that used to
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: scare the ship out of me. And then the strangest
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: experience is that what you asked the strangest, Oh, I was, well,
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: not strangest, but it was funny. I was at to see.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I was at this kind of little yacht club the
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: other night we all went a group of my girlfriends.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Before this group came, my group from Whistler was here,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: and we went to the out club and there was
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: this guy having a private party and I went in
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: and to order a drink and he's like, are you
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: with the party? And I was like no, and he
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: like motioned for me to like get the funk out,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: and I was like okay. And then as I was
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: walking out, somebody's like, I think that was Chelsea Handler
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: and I went down to sit at a different area
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: and then slowly, one by one, the entire party came
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: down to my area, and that guy was left by
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: himself at his own party. So that was actually one
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: of my best experiences now that I'm thinking about it.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: I liked when that happened. That was very funny because
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I didn't argue. I just was like, Okay, buddy, I
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: don't need to be at your party. And then I
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: was like, but guess where the party's going to end up?
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: All his friends wanted to be at your party. Yeah,
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: so that was good. I did like when we were
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: walking along to dinner the other night and two girls,
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: two American girls, stopped you and like, we're just such
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: big fans, You're amazing. And then one of them that
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: we were passing by them, and one of them was like,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: can we can we maybe get a pick? And her
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: friend just cut her off and goes, no, we're not
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: doing that, and we all cheered. We're like, this friend
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: knew what was up, did her friend of salad? It
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: was great. Yeah, I like that. I like when somebody
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: interrupts that, it's like that's not necessary. That way, you
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: have an even better story, like we didn't interrupt her evening.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I'm excited for the jet lag that I'm going to
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: have that we're all going to have when we go home,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: but probably mine will be the worst because I've been
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: here for so long, for a whole month, that I
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: will be waking up at three thirty to four o'clock
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: in the morning for the next probably month and a half.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: You also are flying back and you have a show
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: the next day. I don't know how You're Mountain Winery
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: sold out though, but I do have lots of shows
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: coming up in October and November. Yeah, so I'm you
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: could check Chelsea Handler dot com. And then there's I'm
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: doing tons of dates and Passa Robliss, California, Baker's Field,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: I'm doing Tampa, Florida. I'm doing Daytona Beach, Florida. I'm
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: going to all the hot spots you guys that I
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: haven't hit already on this tour. I would also like
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: to point out that you are doing what we now
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: know because of many emails that I have gotten. Thank you.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Pennsylvania is announced reading Pennsylvania. Yes, yes, I'm sorry. I've
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: been mispronouncing that and I've gotten a lot of d
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: m s about that as well. In addition to all
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: the photos of feet that I get now of bare feet,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: on airplanes, bare feet in lounges, bare feet at airports,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: bare feet at movie theaters, bare feet at live concert events.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: I have been bombarded with bare feet fit pictures of
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: bear feet. Honestly, you just need to start an only
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: fans and start uploading them. I mean, well, I do
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: need to start an only fans because I'm ready to
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: have sex on camera, but to do only fans without
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: sex like they're like fetish people are like, this is
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: my cooking show on only fans. I think that's what
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: it's like, even though that's what I'll be doing, that's
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: what it's for. It's time. Well, you're ready to take
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: some question. I am always Well, let's take a quick
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: break and we'll be back with our first questions. And
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: we're back here we are, So our first question comes
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: from Natalie. Natalie says, Dear Chelsea, this is probably the
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: pettiest email you'll get. I started a new job about
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: two months ago, and even though I have never introduced
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: myself as such, absolutely every single person calls me Nat.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: I hate it and it makes me cringe, and no
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: one in my personal life calls me that. Is it
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: too late to correct people? Or is this just something
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I now have to live with, or do I quit
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: respectfully yours Natalie Natalie emphasis on the alley. No, you
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: could just do I quit. I like that, it's that
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: horrible for her. I no, No, I understand when you're
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: not called the right name. Well, no, actually I don't,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: because people call me Chelsea and I don't really care
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: about that. But if you do care about Nat instead
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: of Natalie, just correct them. Just tell them you prefer
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: to be called Natalie and that you had an uncle
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: named Nat that you know didn't turn out great or something.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: If you need an excuse, but you don't, really it's
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: your name, Yeah, you hated not Cain Cole. No, you
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: should just tell people. Yeah. See, I get this because
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I get called occasionally Cathy and I'm like, no, that's no,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: it's not me. Or you know, sometimes Pop will call
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: me Cat, which like is kind of fine, but I
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: don't prefer to go by it. I prefer Catherine. But
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: I have a hard time correcting people in the moment
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: because of my Midwestern nice But I in Natalie honestly.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Since it's workplace, maybe it could involve like a small
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: funny workplace memo email or you know, something that goes around.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Everyone's a great idea. Yeah, make it funny. Send everyone
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: email goo. I know everyone started to call me Nat,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: and I have a real issue with that name for
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: reasons I cannot explain. In this memo, can you please
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: refer to me as with my full name? Yeah, so, like,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: you know, make it light, make it silly, but like
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: that way everyone gets the picture all at once, or
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: you know, when you meet people just saying like, oh,
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: you know what, Actually people refer to me as Natalie
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: two months in. I think it's due for a funny memo. Yeah, well, Natalie,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: your problem is solved, Okay, Natalie. I like how she
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: opened that with this might be the pettiest question we've
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: ever gotten, But I don't think petty. I don't think
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: petty is the right word. But it's the least consequential
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: email we've gotten. But I love that, Like it's okay
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: to sense off that's not all about trauma. Yeah, well
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: we're yeah exactly. It's a nice breath of fresh air.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: We need like questions sometimes, guys. Our next question comes
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: from Lisa. Lisa. Oh, and by the way, our theme
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: for today's episode is that colors from Europe because we're here,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: there's a time differential, and you know we wanted to
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: record in the mornings. We've got European callers. Okay, dear Chelsea.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: My name is Sanna. I'm almost thirty years old and
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I live in Belgium with my wife and dog. All
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: my life, I've been different than the rest, not that
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: I ever really cared about that, but I do a
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: lot of self reflection and sometimes I feel like too
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: much of an outcast. I had a pretty traumatic and
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: heavy past and tried therapy a few times because I
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: tend to self destruct. I stopped going since it was
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: so expensive and I wasn't clicking with any of them.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: I started smoking weed a few years ago and it
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: has helped with my depression and anxiety. A few psychologists
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: hinted that I have a d h D after reading
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: as much as I could find about it. I do
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: think the same, but it always felt more than that
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: to me. After hanging out in the dog park one
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: day with a lovely lady that was on LSD at
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: the moment, she hinted that I seemed to be on
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: the spectrum. She felt like that because she also is.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I was convinced I wasn't and did an online test
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: to see if I had similarities. I scored the second
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: to the highest score on this test. It kind of
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: wrecked me already knowing that I might be on the spectrum,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: But now I don't know how I feel about actually
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: getting diagnosed properly. In a way, it would help me
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: with my relationship with my wife and especially myself, maybe
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: I would be less hard on myself, but it also
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: freaks me out. And it's so expensive to get diagnosed,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: So I'm hesitant. What should I do? Go for it
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: and get tested. I'm really lost love Sanna and she's
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: here with us. Hi, Sanna, Hi, how are you? I'm
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: really good on you good, very good. We're excited to
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: be talking to you today. So oh, I love your story.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: First of all, that you've got a woman in the park.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: It was on LSD who may have diagnosed you as
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: being on the spectrum. I didn't realize that it was
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: that expensive to get diagnosed. What's the situation with that?
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: So it costs like a thousand euros just to get diagnosed,
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: and then you didn't even have like any help or
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: any guidance, or they just sell you if you have
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: it or not? And what kind of testing is that?
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Is that through a doctor? Is it that through a
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: government agency? Like? What is that? Yeah, it's like with
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: psychologists and and it takes a few days, so it's
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: like proper testing, like they test you on everything. It's
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: not just like for the autim or the d h D.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: So it's good because then you know, like if you
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: have the full package. You know, But it's expensive, you know,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I think it's really expensive. No, it does sound expensive.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Is that something you can afford? Um? I could? Yeah,
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I don't want to, right, right, But do you not
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: want to because of the money or do you not
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: want to because you're hesitant about finding out the results.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I think it's a little bit of both. People of
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: like such a thought, like they already have a judgment
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: about autism. And there's a lot of freedom in knowing
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: what your diagnosis is, you know what I mean. It
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: opens up a lot to understand yourself and to have
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: a better understanding, Like I have my friend who diagnosed
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: her husband with autism. She just kind of realized, oh
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: and saw all the signs and asked him if he
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: wanted to get his testing, And once he found out
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: he had it, he understood all the things that he
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: wasn't connecting. You know, there's a spectrum. We're all on
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: the spectrum. I joke with my friends all the time
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: because it's like one of us is, you know, on
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: one end of the spectrum, the other one is on
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: the other end of the spectrum. But it's like, these
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: aren't shameful diagnoses anymore. It's powerful to know, just as
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: powerful as it is to know if you have a
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: personality disorder, if you have a d D, how a
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: d h D plays into something like autism, and how
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: those two things work in conjunction. Like what do you
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: notice about yourself and your personality traits that would lead
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: you to think that you were autistic or have a
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: d h D. I think I'm a very socially awkward person,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Like I mimic a lot of situations from TV and
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: like watching people, So in my head it's like, oh,
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: that's how you talk to people, or like that's how
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: you behave or my wife were together for seven years
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: now and she helped me so much all the time.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: She has to like kick me in and be like
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: you can't say that that's rude, or like you're weird.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: You don't react in this way, and I'm like, oh funk, yeah,
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: and then I look it up and I'm like, oh yeah,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: so weird, Like wow, how could I not think about it?
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: And like my emotions in general, I tend to spiral
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: into an emotion or I'm emotionless, or I spiral in
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: one emotion and I have like a breakdown things like that.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: I just have a lot of anxiety if things that
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: don't go according to how we will go in my head,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: like I tend to like creak out a little bit
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: since I had such a heavy past and I I
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: had to grow up really fast, so I learned how
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: to do a lot of stuff. So I realized, like, oh,
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: I'm what they call masking. I feel like I've been
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: masking a lot in my life and I feel like
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: I'm always almost underwater, like trying to breathe, and I
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: think that has a lot to do with it, and
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: maybe being diagnosed and finally know like okay, like it's
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: all masking, Like it's normal that you're like this. Maybe
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: it will make me like breath after a while. I
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: don't know. And are you taking any medication for your
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: a d h D. Nice smoke smoke weed. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: I think you should definitely just use the money get diagnosed.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: It's going to give you a lot more freedom. It
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: feels like what you're talking about, you're kind of stuck,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: like when you said you're underwater. It would be so
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: nice to be above water and not have that feeling anymore.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: And there's a lot of liberty that comes with understanding
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: your personality. And there's no shame in that, you know
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you don't have to tell everybody
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: that you're autistic or you're that you're on the spectrum,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: if that's what you end up being. I know in America, uh,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: everyone's talking about this right now, and everyone's interested, and
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: everyone's curious, and if anyone's on the spectrum, they do
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: want to know about it. And maybe it's taking a
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: little bit of a longer time to get to Europe
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: in that way, but I think that you should embrace it.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: You know, it's nothing to not be proud of. Autistic
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: people have so much to offer and it's so like you,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: You have things to offer that people who think in
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: a linear way and that don't suffer from that social
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: anxiety aren't offering up you know, because that's considered normal,
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: whereas what you're considered what what you have is a
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: different version of being normal, you know, And there's probably
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: a large community of people once you find out what
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: your exact diagnosis is that you can connect with, so
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: you don't feel so alone and you don't feel so
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: unique and abnormal so to speak. Mm hmm, yeah, that
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: makes sense. And I would also say, you've had this
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: confirmation from like a lady on LSD and an online test,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: official testing might be a great way to go, but
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: you might all so because I know you're sort of like, well,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: that doesn't give me any treatment, that's just the confirmation.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: So you might maybe potentially skip a little bit of
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: a step and talk to a therapist who specializes and
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: people who are on the spectrum, and they might be
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: able to after interacting with you for a little while
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: kind of sort of tell you if you need to
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: get official testing and get a real diagnosis, or you know,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: whether they can just start treating you because they'll be
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: able to see some of those signs. But I really
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: think with anything like this because I have a d
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: h D and it's something that I didn't I was
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: very lucky, like I found out that I had a
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: d h D amongst a group of people who also
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: had a d h D, and we're super successful entrepreneurs,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: interesting people, And in that context, it was like, that's
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: a superpower. We know how to get things done, we
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: know how to start projects where leaders, all these wonderful things.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: And I really think that some of these things that
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: are posed as limitations in a lot of ways can
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: absolutely become superpowers. But you can't find the tools to
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: help you until you kind of know whether that's what
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: you're dealing with or not. Yeah, that's true, that makes sense.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Do you take medication for a d h D, Catherine,
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: I don't take medication. I've tried it a little bit,
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: but it kind of made me feel a little bit,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: almost like hyper focused, And yeah, I had the same. Yeah.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: For me, it's more about having built in tools around me. So,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: for example, I make excessive lists. A lot of people
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: don't like to make a list, but you know, any
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: time I need to remember something or something comes up,
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: I write it down if I need to follow up
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: on it, because otherwise it's gone yes, And I love
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: to write ship down that already did yes exactly, and
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: then I get the satisfaction of crossing it off, it's delightful.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: Or for example, you know, if I'm talking to a
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: friend at a party and I'm like, oh my gosh,
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: you gotta check out this Netflix documentary or whatever, I'll
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: be like, text me tomorrow and I'll let you know,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: because i know I'm never going to remember the scent
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: it um. So it's just about like building in those
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: tools to help you relate to others, to help you
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: in work with your wife, whatever it might be. Yeah,
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's anything to be afraid of though, No,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: definitely not. It shouldn't be. You should like run towards that,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: you know, because knowledge is power. The more you know
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: about yourself, the more power you have over every situation.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: So you should definitely go get that testing done or
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: find a therapist that you can work with who can
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: kind of help guide you to figure out what your
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: diagnosis is. Yeah, let's see if the lady on Lyssie
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: was right. She probably was. She probably was. He disappeared, though,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I wonder what happened to her. I haven't seen. Oh yeah,
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: but also, you know, a therapist and expert in this
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: field or related fields will also be able to help
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: you figure out the relationship between everything you have going on.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: So when you have anxiety and maybe a d h
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: D and maybe you're on the spectrum a little bit,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: there is a relationship between those things. And I think
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: once you get tools to deal with some of those things,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: like for me, having tools to make sure that like
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I know that I'm good at my job or I
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: know I'm doing what I need to in my interpersonal relationships,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: that also helps my anxiety go down, you know, So
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: it's all sort of interconnected as well. Yeah, you're right,
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: all right, No, I know, I'm going to get this
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: good and report back. Let us know what happens. Okay,
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: thanks Anna, sa I how cute is she cute? I
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: think everyone's on the spectrum and we all just need
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: to accept that. You just have to find out what
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: part of the spectrum you're on. Yeah, that's a good point.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: I mean everything she was describing, like her wife has
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: to kick her under the table when she says something
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: at a table a dinner party, or kind of spiraling
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: when you said something down and you know, friendship relationship.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's all very normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: but I mean it's like the sexuality spectrum. You know,
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: it's like gender identification and all of that. It's like
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: we're all finding out that it's not one thing or
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: the other. There's no black and white. There's a whole
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: array of possibilities, and it's like who cares, you know
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: what I mean at this point, like there's no nothing
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: to be embarrassed about. Yeah, it's just like find out
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: what works for you and then do that. Yeah, because
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: if you look at us at a deficit in one area,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: that means even if that's how you view it, like oh,
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: this makes me deficient, it's like, no, that makes you
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: excel in other areas. Yeah. Absolutely. Even watching like Love
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: on the Spectrum, that Netflix show, which I absolutely love,
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: you see these people who you know, one for example,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: he's like, oh, I've never had a girlfriend, but they
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: can be like what seventy five times forty two and
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: instantly knows exactly what the number is. They can be
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: like what day of the week was, you know, April four,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: and he knows like it's a Monday. I mean that's
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: obviously a sort of on a further end of the spectrum,
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: but there are absolutely superpowers that come with that. Well,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: that was how what was it? How did they frame
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: it with the Dustin Hoffman Tom Cruise movie. Dustin Hoffman
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: was was he identified as autistic in that movie? Because
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: I feel like that was before they called a savant. Yeah,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: like in that Rain of rain Man. Yeah, that was
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: before we even were talking about like autism in the
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: way we are today. Totally, that was sort of viewed
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: as a binary, like you're a savant or your typical,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: your normal, so so to speak. But I think Santa's
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: got some good work ahead of her and she's going
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: to be ay. Okay, Yeah, I like that she's got
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, she's in a healthy relationship. It sounds like,
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: so there, that's a good thing. Totally, totally Okay. Well,
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: our next question comes from Lisa. Hi, Chelsea, thank you
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: for your fun and enlightening podcast. My name is Lisa.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: I'm a forty year old woman from Oslo, Norway, no kids,
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: no husband, but a dog. Two years ago, I moved
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: far north for a job, but also to get some
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: distance between me and my family, friends a network. I've
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: spent this time doing lots of therapy and healing work,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: and it turns out there's really not many people I
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: want to keep in my life. It's been a really
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: sad and lonely realization that I'm pretty much on my
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: own in life. But at least now I can move
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: forward with clarity. I just quit my job up here
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: and I'm ready to start something new. My question is
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: is it crazy to move to a new country alone
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: at forty starting my life from scratch, or is it
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: better to go back to my hometown of Oslo and
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: make a new start there. I want to be adventurous
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: like I was in my twenties, but it feels a
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: lot scarier now. Some advice would be great. Thank you
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: and take care. Love, Lisa, Hi, Lisa, Hi, Oh my god? Hello?
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Can you hear me? Hi? How are you? I'm good? Awesome. So, Lisa,
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: where are you living now? I'm living in the Norway,
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: in the north of Norway, Okay, and I will you
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: guys are in Spain. Yeah? Cool? So you are contemplating
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: picking up and moving. Yeah, I'm kind of in a
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: little of a midlife crisis situation because things hasn't turned
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: out the way I probably had envisioned for myself being
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: at this age and time in my life, and I
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: just think that that's an opportunity to do something completely different,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: like I have I don't have kids, I don't have anything,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Like I have a dog that I have to bring
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: up with me. But apart from that, I'm pretty free
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: to do things. But at the same time, it feels
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: kind of scary. I did this move. I mean, I
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: moved a few times before. I've lived in other countries
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: before when I was younger, but it was different then
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: because it was with studies and now it's more like
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: you have to start all on your own. And and
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: so you were saying that you're contemplating moving to a
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: completely new city or back to your hometown. Yeah, I'm
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: kind of in between right now. And I just found
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: like this really cute little three house that I might
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: be able to get here. So everything is at the moment,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: it's I have a job interview tomorrow, So it's like
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: it's a lot of different directions at this moment, and
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm not really sure what's the best thing to do. Okay,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: So you have an opportunity to get a little dream
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: house where in Oslo here in the north, Okay, and
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: moving home would be moving to Oslo, is that correct?
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: That's right? Okay? And the job interview would be in
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: the north as well. The job interview is in the
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: one that's now isn't Oslo, And it's a really cool
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: opportunity for me, actually, and I was really excited to
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: get this interview, and so that's cool. But at the
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: same time, there's a lot of things that I don't
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: want in Oslo, Like I have some really golden friends
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: and people that I that I miss a lot, and
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: that would be great to see. But I also feel
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: after I moved here that I've changed so much and
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I've changed perspectives a lot, and I find that maybe
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: it would be better to just try something completely different. Okay.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: And when you say your life hasn't turned out the
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: way that you thought it would, what do you mean
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: by that? What did you picture for yourself or envision?
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: I guess like I've never been the kind of I've
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: never had, like, oh, I'm gonna get married and have
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: kids by that, I've never had that kind of thing.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: I was really just shocked when people in the early thirties,
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: when everyone around me was doing that, I was like,
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: what are we there already? Like I couldn't relate to
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: it at all, And so I just felt like I
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: had all the time in the world, and then I
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: met a guy and suddenly I was like super in love.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: It was in my mid thirties and all of that
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: was suddenly happening for me, and I just felt like,
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: obviously that's what's going to happen, right, like this is it.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: And I was really happy about it. But I was
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: also I'm sure, which I mean now I'm so so
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: glad it did not been like it was completely the
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: wrong guy and everything. But after that I had like
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: a real like, what the fuck it's going to happen now?
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I felt like the train had left the station and
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: wasn't there even a move to New York in the
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: picture or somewhere totally fresh and new that you're considering, Yes, exactly,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: because I talked to this woman and she was like,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: she said, I don't think you should live you know,
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: a way at all. And I've always heard that I'm
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: not very in Norwegian, like I've never felt that I've
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: completely like fit in. For instance, I lived in Italy
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: and my temperament and my my personality is much more
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Italian than Norwegian. With the politics in America, I was
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: scaring the ship out of me so thatth Nicks and
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: that's all like tempting, but it seems like there's more
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: options for women, Like there's so many more lifestyles to explore.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: I've always wanted to live there, and that's something to
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: consider now, right, So yeah, I mean the advantage about
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: being a foreigner and moving to America is like, you know,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: if the politics gets too bad, you can always bounce
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: out of there. It's not like you're tied down to staying.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: I would say, like, I'm always up for an advant
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: and share and at forty like, if you don't do
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: it now, you might not do it. So I would
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: always lean towards like, oh God, take a huge leap
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: of faith, you know, get do and try something new,
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: you know, kind of infuse your life with some excitement
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: that you can really like be excited about. You know,
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of reasons you don't want to move
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: back to Oslo. And you'll see what happens with this interview,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: and if it becomes a job opportunity, then you know
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: you'll be considering that more. But I would always I
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: air on the side of taking a leap of faith,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: like I just think that that always yields much more
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: exciting results than falling into what has worked for you
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: before or an old pattern or yeah, like going back
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: home to me doesn't sound like a great move, That
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: doesn't sound like a new life for or what you're
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: looking for. And it's always gonna be there, like that's
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: my home time, like that's where my family lives and
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I have friends, and it's always going to be there.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: So that's the security about of course living in Scandinavia
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: or you know, in any Western countries that you can
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: always go back if things you know don't torn up.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: But even just moving to another like up in the
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: north here it was like under the pandemic and I
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: didn't know anybody, and people who are really kind of
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: in the beginning very close off, and it was really
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: tough because I'm very social person and I've never been
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: so lonely in my life that I've been up here.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: But it's been an amazing experience. So I feel like
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: if I could do that, then with Americans it seems
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: like like you're really good at like small talking and
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: all that, but it's it's a very surface leveled everything.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Is that true? Well, it can be true. I think
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: it depends on where you are a friend of mine
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: just moved to New York and he was sort of
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: in a similar situation where he like always wanted to
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: move to New York. He turned fifty and he had
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: a little bit of a health event in the last
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: year that he was just like, you know what, I
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: need to get my brain doing stuff that's like brand new,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: break out of my mold, create some new neural pathways.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: And I've always wanted to do this. So he moved.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: And when he did move, he was like, you know what,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: every time I go out, I make five new friends
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: and they're sort of like single serving friends where it's
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: like super exciting and new. But now he's been there
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: for three months and he's really becoming like part of
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: the fabric of the community that he's in. He's calling
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: up these people that he met and they're going out
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: and he's sort of like starting to make friends. And
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: that's only three months in. But New York feels like
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: a good place for that. If you're like ready to
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: go have an adventure. I mean, look, you're you're smiling
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: from ear to ear when you when you talk about
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: it and we think about it. I think you have
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: to follow things that make you light up exactly. It's
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: just so to get constricted when you're like reaching certain
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: age and you feel like, well, that was what you
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: did in your twenties or whatever, and it's like, well,
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to be, you know, it doesn't really, No,
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: I don't think it does have to be. And you
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: just already exhibited that you can handle a situation by
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: moving to the North and not having that social kind
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: of fabric that you are used to and surviving that.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: It's not going to be like that in New York City.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: There's just by the sheer volume of people, you're gonna
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: find people and you'll be able to sort through them
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: pretty quickly. Like I would say, Yeah, l A can
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: be is probably much more shallow than New York. There's
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: a lot more substance there. So while Americans in general,
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: like as a stereotype, might not have that much depth. Like,
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: you're always going to find people, you know, you kind
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: of attract what you are, so like you're gonna find
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: people who have more to offer than just surface talk,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: just by the nature of you having more of that
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: to offer. Yeah, and forty is so young. It's so young. Yes, No,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: I mean you're absolutely in your prime. You seem like
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: someone who's very open to adventure and seeking adventure, and
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: I think it would be you would be making yourselves
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: smaller to do something that feels like it's not the
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: right choice, to go somewhere where you know, like you said,
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: all eyes are on you. How are you living your life?
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Are you gonna settle down anytime soon? Is sort of
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: the question that's in the air. I mean, this is
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: absolutely a time to go have an adventure. Yeah, I'm
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: gonna go and look at LinkedIn and see what options
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: there are from me. God, do that, and try and
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: set up some yeah, try and set up some interviews
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: and stuff like that so you can keep the ball
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: rolling in the right direction. Yeah. Yeah. And it's really
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: cool to take that kind of risk and to take
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: that kind of chance and to like always act bravely,
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: you know, because it's a brave action and a bold
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: notion to pick up and move and good things are
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: going to happen because of it. Yeah. Right, It's true.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: I've never regretted any like risks. I mean, you never
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: regret the things you do, right, it's the things you
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: don't do well. It depends. Yeah, Well, Lisa, let us
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: know how it goes, and what you decide to do,
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: I will thank you so much, thank you, and just
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: remember you will be welcomed with open arms if you're
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: forty and not interested in having children in America. Exactly, exactly,
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: that's good. Nice to talk to you. To enjoy Spain by,
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: take care by. Thanks. She's cute. Yeah, she's gonna go
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: have a fabulous adventure wherever it is. I like how
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: people think it's forties too late for things. It's like,
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: we're gonna live till we're sucking eighty, I mean probably longer.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: My folks when they were in there, like late fifties,
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: picked up, took my thirteen year old brother and moved
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: to Costa Rica for a year. Yes, and they in
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: their fifties learned Spanish from like not knowing anything. My
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: little brother started in the language school where they were studying.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: He after a couple of months, of course, surpassed the
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: language school and they were like, what do you think
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: about enrolling him in regular school here? So he did,
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: And where were you at this time? I was a
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: freshman in college. So yeah, so I went off to
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: college and they abandoned me for Costa Rica. But I
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: can't blame them because you know I went down for
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: vacations and yes, yeah, so, I mean it's truly it's
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: never too late. No, yeah, no, it's never too late. Everybody. Okay, okay,
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: And our last cult day comes from m she says,
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm thirty six, and I'm often told that
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: I'm too intimidating for guys to date me. I have
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: a small business which has been going pretty well over
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: the years and has given me financial stability and independence,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: and I guess also confidence in my field of work. However,
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: shortly before the pandemic started, I ended a long term relationship.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: Among other issues we had, he was quite bothered with
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: my career and would often let me know directly or
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: in a passive aggressive way that he didn't feel needed
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: because I didn't require support. As he would often put it,
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: for him, support meant being a provider. He was right
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: about that, as I really didn't need a provider. I
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: needed a partner on equal footing. After that relationship ended,
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: I've dated a few guys, but the issue has reappeared
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: time and again. I've noticed guys are put off by
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: my career and don't like my independence. I know that
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: it's their own insecurity, and I don't intend to apologize
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: for my success because it's taken a lot of effort
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: to get here. So my question for you is, how
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: do I find guys that will not be insecure like
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: that and we'll be willing to take on a relationship
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: of equals. I feel like the patriarchy is so deep
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: rooted and I don't fit the standards guys are used
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: to and feel comfortable with. So essentially I'm screwed. What's
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: your thought on this? Thank you? And I love the
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: podcast best. From across the Pond? Um hi, um, hi there, Hi,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: how are you? I'm really well, thank you. It's lovely
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: to meet you guys next to me. Where you so
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: really across the pond? Oh wow, I've never been to Poland,
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: Oh you should, well, crack I was really beautiful, So
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: that's what I hear. Yeah, I hear, crac Yeah are
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: you Polish? Are you American? Oh? Oh god, I thought
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: you sent it American? Okay. I was like, wait, is
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: that a compliment them? Well, yeah, no, I understand what
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: you mean. I've I've experienced that my whole life, you know,
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: men being intimidated by me or turned off by me,
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: you know, they like I think they do get turned off.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: I don't know that there's much you can do about
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: it other than try to like own your own self
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: esteem and your own like, you know, knowing that it's
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: not necessary. Obviously you want to find a partner, but
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: it's not necessary to find a partner. And as long
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: as you have the line of thinking that you have
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: to find one, I always find that to be a
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: little bit more limiting than being open to the possibility
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: that you may not need one, even if that's not
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: what you're looking for. It's like it's better just to
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: not have a need for that, you know. And I
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: think once you kind of let go of that need
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: to partner up with somebody, I feel like more opportu
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: tunities seem to present themselves. Yeah, yeah, I know, I
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: get what you're saying. I I also will say I
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: don't really date that much. And it's sometimes sometimes I
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: get the feeling that maybe it's because I'm not very girly,
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: you know, like I don't do the whole like betting
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: my eyelashes and being like alerty I guess in a
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: very girly way, so that sometimes maybe is I don't know.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'm not that approachable. Sometimes I'm kind of doubting
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: myself as to how I act around guys or although
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: I do feel confident in approaching them or talking to them,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: but I'm not girly and that say yeah, yeah, But
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's something that you want to change,
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Because that's like almost putting
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: on an affectation. I've been told that so many times,
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: like you don't know how to flirt, or you're not yeah,
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: exactly the same notes that you're talking about. People have
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: given me, And I'm like, well, that's not who I am.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: That would be like fake, and I that's the one
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: thing that I do not. I can't be fake. I
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: can't pretend to be something that I'm not. So I
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: would stay true to who you are and kind of
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: like let go, you know what I mean. Believe that
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: your person is coming, and it's probably not going to
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: be in the time frame that you would desire, but
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: to believe that and just let it go and continue
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: to be who you are and stand in your real
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: power of like being a strong, opinionated woman, and some
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: guy is going to love that and love you for
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: all of those things and he's not going to want
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: to change anything about you. Yeah, that's the dream. Yeah,
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: and those dreams become a reality for so many people,
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: you know, and it can be true for you too.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: It's a matter of just not holding onto this idea
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: of something so much and twisting and shaping yourself to
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: meet someone else's needs. Like that's unnecessary. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: I know, I know what you mean. Also, that's the
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: way I'm telling myself constantly, because I also I don't
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: want to be like hung up on the idea of
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: trying to find a partner just for the sake of
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: finding one that that doesn't work either, So I'm just
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: kind of trying to go with the flow. But but
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: it is sometimes kind of you know, like it it
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: gets into my head like am I doing something wrong
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: or is it just the world that it's just you know,
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: not there for me yet. Yeah, I don't think you're
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: doing anything wrong, you know. I mean, honestly, so many
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: women have this issue, and it's like the world is
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: always in a weird place, and we're definitely in a
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: weird place. People are weird after COVID. Just I think
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: things like this come to you when when you take
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: the pressure off of yourself, and so I think that
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: would be your takeaway. Stop putting so much pressure on
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: the situation and stop second guessing yourself. You know what
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: I mean. You have a life, live it, enjoy the
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: people that are in it, and be open to, you know,
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: the possibility of meeting somebody in a situation that may
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: not be the most typical one or you know, just
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: keep your eyes and ears open and as long as
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: your heart is open and your mind is open, things
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: will come to you. Yeah. That's that's that's hopefully what's
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: what's going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. And this, you know,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: this idea of like I need to be cutatious or
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: I need to be you know, batting my eyelashes. That's
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: sort of playing into these gender roles and stereotypes that
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: are exactly not what you're into, not what you're going after.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: You know. The kinds of guys who will respond to
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: that and not just like WHOA, she's so smart, she's
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: so fun Like she's so cool to be around. Those
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: kind of guys are the guys who want to be
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: the be the hero and you know, need to be
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: supporting you sort of thing. So and I think Chelsea
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: said this on the podcast before. But you know, if
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: if you're not finding the right guy, you're finding these
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: kinds of guys who feel like they need to be
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: in control or they need to have, you know, a
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: heightened power dynamic with you in a relationship, then you
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: just haven't found the right guy yet. Yeah, and it
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: might be you know, I don't know. What do you
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: think it's a little bit of a cultural thing as well.
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: I don't because I've I've dated people from all over,
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: like it was with a guy from Spain, but I
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: did the Polish guys, I did the British guy, So
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: I kind of find the same thing every time. Yeah,
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: m hmmmmmm. I mean guys everywhere a little bit like this.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: I mean a lot of guys. Are you on dating
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: websites and stuff like that? Is that how you do
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: the thing? Is that I hate the dating websites or
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: apps or I don't. I don't know. I just I
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: don't find myself in you know, like just putting a
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: picture and saying yeah, hi, that's just me. I don't know,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: I don't That's not how I like to meet people.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: So you got guys to like, um, acquaintances of like
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: or like former co workers or like just people that
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: I've hung out with, and then I kind of felt
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: the connection. So that's kind of my style of dating.
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: And but yeah, maybe the dating apps or the next
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: thing to explore, I don't know. And how old are you?
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: I just turned forty seven, okay, And so you've been
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: in a few long term relationships. Well, it was the
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: one like really long term one really, and then I
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: just dated for like maybe several months, but not not
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: too seriously. Like the one serious was the one that
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: ended when COVID started. So yeah, mm hmmmm mmmm, Okay,
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: Well that's good. I think you're gonna be just fine,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I think it's just like relax.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: Like people get a little bit like, yeah, they get
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: a little bit of anxiety related to dating into meeting
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: the right person and all of that, and it's just
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: too much pressure to put yourself under earth and it
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: doesn't yield good results anyway. You know, you get into
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: a situation where you almost start to feel a little
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: bit desperate, and you don't want to feel that way.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: You know, you want to give off the good vibes,
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: not the desperate vibes and you're not desperate, so you know,
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: you don't have to feel that way in any way,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: shape or form. Yeah. I think it's also like my family.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: My parents never hint on the fact that I don't
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: have a partner, but then like the aunts and uncle,
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: uncles and my cousins are sometimes like, why are you
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: going to bring someone home like for Christmas or something,
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, you know, if there's someone to
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: bring the chore, but you know, yeah, I wouldn't worry
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: about anything that anybody else says anyway, So just ignore that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: that's what that's not doing. Yeah. I do think it's
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: a little bit of a numbers game, right, The more
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: people you meet, the more likelihood that you're going to
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: meet the one. Dating apps, I don't have a lot
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: of personal experience with them, but one of the best
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: stories that I have heard my sister in law, my
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: now sister in law, she came back from visiting her
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: cousins in Ireland and they all were like, you're about
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: to turn thirty, you know, you don't have a man,
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah, and she was so pissed at them
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: that she went like signed up for a dating app,
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: and she just decided to go on every first date.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: So she this was my favorite thing that she did.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: She had three date outfits. She had a first date outfit,
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: a second date outfit, and a third date outfit, so
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: that she would not be repeating the same outfits for
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: like a first and a second date with a guy.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: She said, by the time she met her now husband
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: my brother in law, her first date outfit was rags.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: It was just like absolutely ragged. But she was like,
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: I went out on lunch dates, I went on on
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: dinner dates, sometimes two in a day. But she just
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: made it her job for I think it was about
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: six months and she met the guy. You know, they
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: both were like, wait, why are you single? Oh my gosh,
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: I can't believe you're still single, Like you're still out there.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: It's like that person who is your wonderful match is
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: definitely out there. Yeah wow, Yeah, that's that's very encouraging.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: Whether it's on apps or whether it's going and finding
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: a meet up group, joining some group that likes to
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: go to museums, whatever it is that might yield an
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: older crowd, but you know, different groups where you can
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: meet people. I think make it a numbers game and
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: you will find the one. Yeah, thank you guys. That's
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: like she really helps look wonderful. Well, let us know
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: how it goes. Okay, Marta, thank you so much. Right
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: bye bye, Marta. Think here and thank you guys. Okay, well, Chelsea,
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: with that, I think we have to take another break
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: and we'll come back. We will be right back. And
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: we're back. And we're back. We're back. We're back from Marca. Everybody,
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: We're in Maorca. We're back in my worka. We thought
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: about opening the windows so you could hear the waves.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: I can hear the waves outside. It feels like we
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: can hear them, so maybe that our listeners can also
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: hear them. I know. Well, I have a quick update
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: from one of our recent callers, Chelsea. I'm pretty excited
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: to tell you this. I received an Instagram d M
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: from a listener that says, Hi, Katherine. A bit of
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: an atypical request. He says, just listen to today's episode.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: Noah the Queer Historian sounds like a true dream of
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: a man. I'm a sex positive gay man with a
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: love of nerd culture and luckily, a kinky top for
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: his kinky bottom needs. Aside from all that, Noah's intellect
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: really stood out to me. Any chance you can pass
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: my Instagram onto him? I know Matchmaker isn't part of
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: your producing responsibilities, but I figured there are appropriate rules
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: around privacy for those who call in. Assuming the only
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: way we could connect is if he checks out my socials,
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: please feel free to pass them along. Thanks. Kath a
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: huge fan of the podcast. So I responded, I let
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: him know that I would pass on his socials and
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: and Noah said, and this was from the Ross episode,
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: by the way, for those of you who want to
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: go check this out, he said, Thanks Catherine, I appreciate
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: it he reached out to me. Also, turns out queer
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: historian plus Noah plus Minneapolis narrows the search. If any
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: more reach out fingers crossed, feel free to send them
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: to my instad ms at Liberal Arts Major. I'm happy
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: to receive my own suitors instead of you dealing with them.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: So you know what, we might have a love connection, Chelsea. Well,
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: you'd better give out your Instagram handle to all of
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: our listeners who are trying to hook up after they
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: hear an episode. You can find me at cath Elizabeth
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: on Instagram and yeah, let me know if you if
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: you need to be hooked up with a lovely caller
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: who's intellect a caller anything. Really. I love that he
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: was asking, like, how do I meet a guy to
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: even start a long distance relationship because I'm open to that.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: Well apparently right into a podcast, right right, that'd be
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: great if they hooked up. I know. I just like,
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: I really need to be invited to this wedding to
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: ask for an update. Also as please let us know
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: how it goes. I know they are in different cities,
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: so you know when and if that visit happens. Please
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: let us the kinky bottom was in Minneapolis? Where was
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: the other guy from other guys from I want to
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: say Colorado. I think he just moved, but you know what,
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: planes happen, Planes exist, he can, he can move to
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: Minneapolis and game of one guy that he hasn't met
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: in Minneapolis. That was his big complaint. Hopefully Colorado needs
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: some queer art historians, so I keep saying art. I
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: don't think I was part of some queer historians que Okay, Well,
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: our wrap up is that we are headed back to
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: Undos Estados in a few short days. We're gonna go
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: get you some chat lag. Yeah, we're gonna go. I
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: have yeah ordering up some jat LAG and I'll see
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: everybody at my shows in the fall. Amazing. Thanks Chelsea,
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: and thanks for inviting me to the beautiful place. Oh
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: my god, my pleasure. All right, we'll see you guys
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: next time. Bye bye. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea,
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: just send us an email at Dear Chelsea project at
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stump, produced by Catherine Law,
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.