Latest / RealTalkwithMikeD / Episode 60 - The “Realist” RealTalkwithMikeD Episode I have Made!

Transcript

Episode 60 - The “Realist” RealTalkwithMikeD Episode I have Made! · RealTalkwithMikeD

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Real Talk with Mike D. Alright, welcome back
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: to Real Talk with Mike D. I am the one,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: the only, and the original Mike D. Ladies and gentlemen,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I want to be honest with you. I am freaking exhausted.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I have been awake on this Friday morning since 3 a.m.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: You might be asking yourself, why are you awake at
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: 3 a.m. on a Friday? I have no idea. It's
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: one of those things where you just wake up and
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: your mind's telling you it's time to get the day started.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: You look over at the clock, 3 a.m. You try
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: to go back to sleep and nope, not happening. So
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: you get up, you have your cup of coffee and
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: you get your day started. But I will say, by
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: the time this day ends, I will be physically exhausted.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: But anyhow, I will get through this. But anyhow, today
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about something that's not easy for
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: me to talk about. And maybe it's not easy for
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: you either. And maybe you can relate to about what
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: I'm about to say. I want to talk about what
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: happens when you get hurt so badly in a marriage
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: that you start wondering if you ever want to let
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: another woman get close to you again. Because sometimes it
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: isn't that you don't want love. It's that you've learned
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: to associate love with pain. And that's a hell of
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: a thing to carry. When you give somebody your heart,
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: you don't expect them to break it. You expect them
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: to protect it. You expect honesty. You expect loyalty. You
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: expect that person to stand beside you when life gets difficult.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: You expect your marriage to be a place where you
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: can finally take the armor off. And then sometimes, the
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: person you trusted The person you trusted the most becomes
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: the person who hurts you the most. And when that happens,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: something changes inside of you. You don't just walk away
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: from the marriage. Sometimes you walk away from the version
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: of yourself that believed in love. And that's what I've
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: been thinking about. What happens when your past relationships hurt
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: you so bad that you don't even know if you
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: have it in you to try again? Now people will
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: tell you, You've got to move on. You'll find somebody else.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Don't let one person ruin love for you. And I
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: understand what they're saying. I really do. But it's easy
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: to say that when you're not the one carrying the
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: scars because healing isn't a light switch. You don't wake
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: up one morning and say, okay, I'm over it. Sometimes
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: you carry that shit with you for years. And I
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: mean years and years and years. You carry the memories.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: You carry disappointment. You carry anger. You carry questions. You
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: replay conversations in your head. You remember things that were said.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: You remember things that weren't said. You remember moments when
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: you felt completely alone while technically being married. And maybe
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: the worst part isn't even what happened. Maybe the worst
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: part is what it did to you afterward. It changed
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: the way you trust. It changed the way you look
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: at relationships. It changed the way you look at yourself.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Because after you've been hurt so badly, you start protecting yourself.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: You stop opening up. You stop getting too close. You
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: start looking for red flags before you've even given somebody
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: a chance. Somebody can say something completely innocent and your
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: mind starts saying, here we go again. She's going to
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: hurt me. This isn't going to work. Don't get attached.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: Don't get comfortable. Don't let her get too close. And
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: before that person even has a chance to hurt you,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: you've already built a wall around yourself. That's the messed
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: up part about being hurt. Sometimes a person who hurt
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: you is long gone, but you're still letting them control
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: your future. Think about that. Somebody can be out of
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: your life for years, many years. And still have a
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: seat at the table in every relationship you refuse to have.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, that is powerful. But that is also scary.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Because you might meet a good woman someday. A woman
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: who actually wants to treat you right. A woman who
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: wants to be there. A woman who wants to love you.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: And you might push her away. Not because she did
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: anything wrong. but because somebody else did. That is something
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: I think we don't talk about enough. Sometimes the next
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: person has to pay for the damage caused by the
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: last person. And that is not fair. Because when you're hurt,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: fairness isn't always the first thing on your mind. Survival is.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: You start thinking, I'd rather be alone than go through
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: that again. And that is me. That's why I have
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: been single for so many years. Because in my mind,
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: I'd rather be alone than go through that pain again.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Because being alone feels safer. When you're alone, nobody can
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: lie to you. When you're alone, nobody can betray you.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: Nobody can break your heart. Nobody can make promises and
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: then walk away from them. Nobody can make you feel
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: like you're not enough. And nobody can make you question
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: your own worth. Because being alone can become your safe place.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: But here's the problem. Your safe place can eventually become
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: your prison. You become so comfortable protecting yourself that you
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: forget what it feels like to actually live. You convince yourself,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I don't need anybody. I'll be fine by myself. Relationships
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: aren't worth it. I'm too old to start over. I'm
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: better off alone. Maybe you tell yourself those things because
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: they're true. Or maybe you tell yourself those things because
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: they're easier than admitting, I'm scared. I'm scared of getting
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: hurt again. I'm scared of trusting someone again. I'm scared
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: of giving someone my heart again. I'm scared that I'll
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: love somebody more than they love me. I'm scared I'll
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: make the same mistakes twice. And I'm scared I'll ignore
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: the warning signs. I'm scared I'll lose myself again. And
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: maybe most importantly, I'm scared if I let somebody in,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: they will eventually leave. That's real fear. And if you've
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: experienced a painful marriage, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: You don't just fear another relationship. You fear becoming that
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: version of yourself again. That version that trusted completely. The
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: version that believed the promises. The version that thought, this
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: is my person. And then everything fell apart. So you
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: make a decision, never again. Never again am I going
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: to put myself through that. Never again am I going
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: to give somebody that much power over me. Never again
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: am I going to love somebody that much. And maybe,
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: for a while, that decision feels like strength. But eventually,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: you have to ask yourself, am I protecting myself, or
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: am I punishing myself? Because there's a difference. Protecting yourself
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: means learning from what happened. Punishing yourself means refusing to
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: believe that anything better could ever happen. And I don't
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: think the answer is necessarily jumping into another relationship. Hell no!
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: You don't need to find another woman tomorrow. You don't
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: need to download five dating apps. You don't need to
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: force yourself to fall in love. You don't even have
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: to know if you want another relationship right now. Maybe
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: the first relationship is that you need to repair yourself.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: You've got to learn how to trust yourself again. Trust
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: your judgment. Trust your instincts. Trust that you can recognize
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: when something just isn't right. Trust that you can walk
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: away if somebody doesn't treat you with respect. Trust that
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: you don't have to tolerate things just because you're afraid
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: of being alone. And understand something. Your past marriage does
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: not have to become your definition of love. It was
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: one chapter. It was an important chapter. Maybe it was
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: a painful chapter. Maybe it changed you. But it does
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: not have to be the ending. And maybe someday... there
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: will be another woman. Maybe she'll come into your life
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: when you're not even looking. Maybe she'll be patient with you.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe she'll understand why you have walls. Maybe she won't
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: demand that you tear them apart. down overnight. Maybe she'll
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: simply stand there and show you through her actions that
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: she isn't the person who hurt you. And maybe you'll
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: slowly let her in, one piece at a time. Not
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: because you're forgetting what happened. but because you're finally realizing
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: that not everybody is capable of doing what was done
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: to you. Ladies and gentlemen, that's the part I'm trying
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: to understand. How do you allow yourself to believe in
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: something again after you've had your faith and love destroyed?
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe you don't do it all at once. Maybe you
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: start with a conversation. Maybe a little trust. Then another conversation.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: You pay attention to actions instead of just words. You
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: take your time, you don't ignore your instincts, and you
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: don't lose yourself trying to make another person happy. You
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: love somebody, but you still remember who you are. Because
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: here's what I've learned. Love shouldn't require you to disappear.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Love shouldn't require you to accept disrespect. Love shouldn't make
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: you constantly question whether you're enough. And love shouldn't make
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: you afraid to be yourself. Maybe the right relationship isn't
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: the one where everything is perfect. Maybe it's the one
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: where two imperfect people feel safe enough to be honest
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  Speaker 1: with each other. So if you're listening to this and
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: you've been through a marriage that destroyed your ability to trust,
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I want you to hear me. Number one, you're not alone.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: You are not weak because you're afraid to love again.
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  Speaker 1: You're not broken because you haven't moved on. And you're
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: not obligated to jump into another relationship just because somebody
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: tells you it's time. Take your time. Heal. Figure yourself out.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Cry if you need to. Be angry if you need to.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: Talk about it. Write about it. Sit alone and think
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: about it. Do whatever you need to do to understand
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: what happened to you. But don't let somebody else's actions
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: convince you that you're unworthy of love. Because that's giving
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: them way too much power. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: is going to be this episode of Real Talk with
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Mike D. I greatly appreciate you being here. I greatly
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: appreciate you listening. And don't be afraid to find love again.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Hope you all have a great day, a great Friday,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: a great weekend. And until the next episode, peace! Thank you.