Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #544 Holiday Highlight - Jessica Leahy

Transcript

#544 Holiday Highlight - Jessica Leahy · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just answers Now, Hello the Stocks.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Justin Colson the parenting expert on Channel Line's Parental Guidance
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  Speaker 1: and author of six books. Seventh book comes out in
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  Speaker 1: a couple of weeks time. Stay tuned to the podcast
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  Speaker 1: for more. Recently, we were having a conversation on the
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  Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast and I just loved it. Decided to
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  Speaker 1: share a bit more about this. A highlight from the
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  Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast. There's this book that's called The Gift
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  Speaker 1: of Failure. Jessica Lay is the author of that book,
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  Speaker 1: and she was kind enough to join Kylie and I
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  Speaker 1: on the Happy Families podcast. Kylie loved the book The
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  Speaker 1: Gift of Failure, particularly where she wrote about getting the
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  Speaker 1: kids to help with chores around the house. You talked
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  Speaker 1: about this idea and importance of chores. Can you tell
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  Speaker 1: us what this has to do with teaching our children
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  Speaker 1: about failure?
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  Speaker 2: Well, first, I don't call them chores because I don't
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  Speaker 2: know about you. Because I don't want to do something
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  Speaker 2: that's called a chore. I mean, you're set up for
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  Speaker 2: it to sound horrible, right, So, and it also makes
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  Speaker 2: it sound like it's something specific to the kid. Well,
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  Speaker 2: we call them in our house or household duties because
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  Speaker 2: they are part of being a part of family, Like
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  Speaker 2: you don't do them for money. So for example, so
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  Speaker 2: there's no in our house, there's an allowance situation, but
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  Speaker 2: it has nothing to do with doing household duties. Household
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  Speaker 2: duties are things you do as part of being a
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  Speaker 2: part of a family and sort of holding moving the
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  Speaker 2: family forward as a unit. And there is actually really
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  Speaker 2: good research to show that when kids are helping out
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  Speaker 2: with the family, helping move the family forward, especially during
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  Speaker 2: times of hardship, that kids tend to be less emotionally
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  Speaker 2: damaged by challenges in the family. When kids are feeling
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  Speaker 2: like they're even if it's something as small as putting
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  Speaker 2: their dishes in the dishwasher or helping feed the dogs,
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  Speaker 2: that they are a part of maintaining the family and
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  Speaker 2: they're really involved in the family structure. So and by
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  Speaker 2: the way, there's a fantastic book called The Opposite of
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  Speaker 2: Spoiled by Ron Lieber that is about raising kids with
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  Speaker 2: you know, to deal with money, and he is in
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  Speaker 2: total agreement. We do not pay kids to do work
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  Speaker 2: around the house. But you give kids, you give kids
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  Speaker 2: an allowance in order to help them learn about spending,
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  Speaker 2: saving and giving and that and budgeting, and that's a
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  Speaker 2: really so Ron Lieber's book The Opposite is Spoiled is
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  Speaker 2: brilliant and I can't recommend it highly enough. So having
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  Speaker 2: age appropriate tasks for kids, and I actually break down
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  Speaker 2: in the book what kids are capable of at all
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  Speaker 2: the ages, along with what their cognitive development situation is,
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  Speaker 2: what their manual dexterity situation is, what they're capable of
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  Speaker 2: doing and at what age. And when you look at
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  Speaker 2: that list, there's all kinds of things that even small
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  Speaker 2: kids can be doing. And one of the fun things
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  Speaker 2: about writing having written this book is people send me
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  Speaker 2: videos of things that their kids are doing and are
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  Speaker 2: so proud of. There was a dad sent me a
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  Speaker 2: picture or a video of his maybe five year old
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  Speaker 2: son and two year old daughter, and the five year
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  Speaker 2: old son wanted to help with the laundry desperately, but
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  Speaker 2: it was a top loading washing machine, and so you know,
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  Speaker 2: he can't reach in there very well. So the little
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  Speaker 2: boy had set it up so that his little sister
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  Speaker 2: was supposed to hold onto his pant legs. So that
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  Speaker 2: if he were to fall in the washing machine, and
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  Speaker 2: don't worry. The dad was right there, obviously, he was filming,
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  Speaker 2: and so he said, you pull me out if I
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  Speaker 2: get stuck. And so he would pull the pieces out
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  Speaker 2: one at a time, hanging over the edge of the
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  Speaker 2: washing machine, hand them to his sister, and his little
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  Speaker 2: sister would put them in the dryer. And then at
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  Speaker 2: the end, it was really sweet. He didn't actually get stuck,
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  Speaker 2: but he pretended like he got stuck so his little
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  Speaker 2: sister could help him out, and she pulled him out
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  Speaker 2: of the washing machine. And these moments like they're just
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  Speaker 2: so proud of themselves, and we don't give them opportunities
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  Speaker 2: to feel like a useful member of the family, a
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  Speaker 2: member of the family that's pulling some weight, that has
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  Speaker 2: a steak in the family and is not just some
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  Speaker 2: precious object that we you know, we'd give no responsibilities too.
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  Speaker 1: From episode two hundred and sixty four of The Happy
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  Speaker 1: Famili's podcast. You can listen to the entire episode it's
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  Speaker 1: number two hundred and sixty four by clicking on the
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  Speaker 1: link in the show notes or heading back through the
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  Speaker 1: Just just scroll through, you'll find it. It's all the
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  Speaker 1: way there talking about the gift of failure. Imagine a
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  Speaker 1: relationship where you felt seen, heard and valued. One where
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  Speaker 1: as your partner enters the front door, they see you
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  Speaker 1: and their eyes light up. A relationship like that is
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  Speaker 1: a gift. If you don't have it, now you can.
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  Speaker 1: The Happy Family's webinar Better Together gives you the insight,
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  Speaker 1: tools and support you need to have a happier relationship,
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  Speaker 1: Available now at the Happy Family's webshop. The Happy Family's
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  Speaker 1: membership is available right now. It's thirteen dollars a month
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  Speaker 1: for a basic membership or eighteen dollars a month for
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: a premium membership. With that membership, you get so much
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  Speaker 1: value to make your family happier. You'll receive a monthly webinar. Recently,
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  Speaker 1: we've been talking about everything from emotion coaching to carrots
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  Speaker 1: and sticks. We've been talking about how to guide our
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  Speaker 1: children successfully, what to do about praising our kids, why
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  Speaker 1: that's a problem, how to minimize control, why competition can
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  Speaker 1: undermine our kids well being, and so much more. And
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  Speaker 1: the rest of this year's webinars have been penciled into
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  Speaker 1: the calendar, and you wouldn't believe how great the content
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  Speaker 1: will be. Normally it's thirty bucks a month for a webinar.
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  Speaker 1: If you are a Happy Famili's member, it's only thirteen
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  Speaker 1: dollars or eighteen dollars. But on top of the webinars,
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  Speaker 1: you also receive a monthly Q and A with me.
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  Speaker 1: And if it's not a Q and A, it's an
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  Speaker 1: Ask the Expert, where I bring in experts who know
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  Speaker 1: how to answer the questions that you have about specific
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  Speaker 1: topics like technology or friendships or school issues, and the
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  Speaker 1: list goes on and on. Oh, by the way, we
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  Speaker 1: also do this thing once a quarter called a role
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  Speaker 1: play with Doctor J. Two or three people get to
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  Speaker 1: spend some time while everyone else takes notes and listens
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  Speaker 1: carefully as we go through role plays. Here's what you
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  Speaker 1: do when your kids are having a hard time. They
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  Speaker 1: tell me what their problem is, and then I roll
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  Speaker 1: play it as if they're the kid and I'm the parent,
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  Speaker 1: and then we swap so they get to discover just
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  Speaker 1: how hard it is to do it, so that we
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  Speaker 1: can help you to improve your parenting and progress it
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  Speaker 1: in the right direction. Role Play with Doctor J, A
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  Speaker 1: Doctor JQ and A and Ask the Expert. That's all
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  Speaker 1: part of the Happy Family's Premium membership. On top of that,
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: if you're a premium member, you get access to our
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: entire webinar video library. We are talking thousands of dollars
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  Speaker 1: worth of webinars, all sitting there waiting for you to
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: consume so that you can get yourself essentially a PhD
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: in parenting. And the list goes on. There's more stuff
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  Speaker 1: than I have time to tell you about. The value
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: is amazing. Oh, by the way, if you get a
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: twelve month membership, we'll give you two months free. So
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: you pay upfront and instead of paying twelve times thirteen
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  Speaker 1: or twelve times eighteen. I can't do the mask, but
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: whatever it is, you just pay one hundred and thirty
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  Speaker 1: or one hundred and eighty bucks. Well times are by
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  Speaker 1: ten instead of by twelve, you save money. It's all there.
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  Speaker 1: So that's the Happy Famili's membership. We don't usually do
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  Speaker 1: pretty hard sells on the podcast, but a couple of
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  Speaker 1: times during these school holidays, I wanted to make sure
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  Speaker 1: that you're aware of it because there's so much value
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  Speaker 1: and it makes such a difference in people's lives. The
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  Speaker 1: Happy Family's membership you can find it online at Happyfamilies
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  Speaker 1: dot com dot au. The Happy Families podcast is produced
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  Speaker 1: by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our
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  Speaker 1: executive producer and if you want more info about making
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: your family happy at check out our memberships or just
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: visit us at happy families dot com dot au