Latest / Thrive After 45® | Life After 45, Self-Trust, Midlife Women / Being Neurodivergent Isn't Something To Fix: It’s a Gift to Understand and Reclaim - with Rachel Radway

Transcript

Being Neurodivergent Isn't Something To Fix: It’s a Gift to Understand and Reclaim - with Rachel Radway · Thrive After 45® | Life After 45, Self-Trust, Midlife Women

• 0:00
  Hello and welcome to Thrive After 45, the podcast where we redefine what's possible in midlife.
• 0:08
  I'm Denise.
• 0:09
  Drink your Midlife renewal coach here to help you embrace your power, purpose, and potential.
• 0:15
  This is your space to let go of guilt.
• 0:18
  Navigate transitions rediscover joy and thrive for you by you because of you.
• 0:24
  It is such an honor and a privilege to welcome Rachel Radway to Thrive after 5 45.
• 0:31
  Show today, Rachel.
• 0:32
  I.
• 0:32
  Is not your average transformational coach.
• 0:35
  She's a former corporate powerhouse turned truth teller for midlife women who are done playing small, done burning out and done trying to twist themselves to fit into spaces that were never made for them.
• 0:50
  I know the ears are perked up now after 25 years in leadership roles across a range of industries, overachieving.
• 0:59
  Overdelivering and masking her way through environments that didn't see her.
• 1:04
  Rachel hit a breaking point.
• 1:06
  What followed was a radical reset.
• 1:09
  She walked away from her job, said, sold everything, and moved to rural Peru in search of healing.
• 1:17
  That detour led her to Ecuador, Portugal, and ultimately back to her herself.
• 1:24
  Now as a leadership and executive coach, Rachel helps perceptive.
• 1:31
  Driven women, many of whom are neurodivergent, own their strengths, find their voice, and create lives that actually feel good.
• 1:42
  She's also the author of Perceptive, a powerful book that's helping women recognize their unique wiring as a gift not a flaw.
• 1:53
  Rachel is the exact kind of voice we love bringing to thrive after 45 because she's proof that midlife isn't the end of the story.
• 2:02
  It's the moment we get to write a better one.
• 2:05
  Welcome to the show today, Rachel.
• 2:08
  It's so great to have you here.
• 2:10
  Denise, thank you so much for the, for, first of all, for inviting me onto the show.
• 2:15
  Second of all, for that amazing introduction, it was better than anything I've written for myself and I wanna borrow it.
• 2:21
  I was, I get that comment a lot and then people say, can I have a copy?
• 2:26
  Of course it's about you.
• 2:28
  You can have that and use it in whatever way that resonates for you.
• 2:34
  Love it.
• 2:34
  It was beautiful.
• 2:36
  So.
• 2:38
  So you have lived a story of extreme bold reinvention, but it pro, I'm guessing it didn't start with a boldness.
• 2:47
  It started with the burnout as talked about in the introduction about like disconnection, like a deep need to heal.
• 2:56
  But what did you actually have to unlearn or even surrender?
• 3:01
  In order to begin that journey back to yourself,'cause this is exactly what we are here to talk about.
• 3:09
  Such a perfect question to start with Denise, because when I experienced my burnout, it wasn't the first time.
• 3:18
  I will say it was definitely the most severe and because this was back in 2014 and.
• 3:26
  Social media wasn't as popular as it is now.
• 3:29
  Nothing.
• 3:29
  I mean, we just didn't, we didn't hear about burnout the same way that we hear about it now.
• 3:35
  And it was not a concept that I was very familiar with.
• 3:38
  Right.
• 3:39
  So I didn't really know what was going on with me.
• 3:44
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:44
  I knew that I was frustrated.
• 3:46
  I knew that I was, um.
• 3:51
  That I didn't have the capacity that I, that I used to have.
• 3:54
  Yes, but there was so much more to it.
• 3:57
  I had lost my sense of humor.
• 3:59
  I had lost a lot of my empathy and compassion, both for myself and for others.
• 4:04
  It really, I was seeing myself turn into someone that I didn't like very much, and I didn't understand why or what was going on.
• 4:14
  I knew that I was tired, but.
• 4:18
  I didn't have any of the information that I have now, and at that time I didn't know anyone who took sabbaticals or who left the corporate world to go do something different.
• 4:32
  That's just not the world that I was in.
• 4:35
  Right.
• 4:35
  And one of the reasons that I loved the idea of going to Peru is because I was in.
• 4:43
  I was in San Francisco, I was in Silicon Valley.
• 4:46
  I was in a total tech bubble, and it really was a bubble that I, in hindsight, so much more than I even realized at the time.
• 4:57
  And so I had to unlearn, well, literally, pretty much everything in my life.
• 5:05
  First of all, that.
• 5:07
  It's okay to put something down.
• 5:10
  To put something away.
• 5:11
  To leave something that you had been in for a long time.
• 5:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 5:14
  That nobody else could write the rules for your life.
• 5:18
  Right.
• 5:18
  I thought about just trying to get another job, and in fact, I did even interview for other jobs.
• 5:26
  Right.
• 5:26
  But I realized very quickly another job wasn't what I needed.
• 5:31
  I really needed that time to heal.
• 5:34
  And in order to do that.
• 5:36
  I couldn't be working in another job and I couldn't pay the mortgage on my condo in the San Francisco Bay area without another job.
• 5:45
  So I really had to deconstruct my life and everything that I had been taught was the way we're supposed to live it, right.
• 5:57
  So much there in terms of all of the components that exist within that flip the, the script as it were.
• 6:08
  Absolutely.
• 6:09
  So you literally, right, you literally had to shut down your Eunice that you knew at that time and, and just.
• 6:21
  Did you trust?
• 6:22
  Like how, how on earth?
• 6:24
  'cause I have so many people that I support in my work that are that fear of what's gonna happen.
• 6:31
  Like I don't know myself any other way.
• 6:34
  And yet you had the foresight to know that you had to, you can't do this and this at the same time.
• 6:41
  You can't put your toe in both waters and, and survive.
• 6:44
  Mm-hmm.
• 6:44
  This is not what was gonna work for me.
• 6:46
  So was it a trust?
• 6:48
  Like what happened there?
• 6:50
  Was it.
• 6:50
  Step by step.
• 6:51
  'cause it wasn't your first burnout, but was it step by step?
• 6:54
  Or was it, how did that come together?
• 6:56
  Is there something you can share with us that way?
• 6:59
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:00
  And, and I will say, even though I mentioned that it wasn't my first burnout, I didn't learn that until much later.
• 7:06
  Ah, it was when I, I was researching and, and talking with people and, and writing the book that I was able to look back and realize that some of the other.
• 7:16
  Periods that I had experienced were also burnout, but in this particular case, I, it wasn't.
• 7:26
  I am not sure I would call it trust.
• 7:28
  I was terrified.
• 7:29
  I really had no idea what I was gonna do, how I was gonna support myself.
• 7:35
  Of course.
• 7:36
  Um, you know, how, how this was gonna play out or where I was gonna be six months from that point, or a year, or five years, or 10 years.
• 7:42
  From that point, I just knew that life was not working the way it was.
• 7:48
  Right.
• 7:48
  And I really had to take a giant leap of faith and.
• 7:55
  I, I, it was trust in myself in a way because I had always something that people tell me that I really, really hate.
• 8:03
  And yet it's true is you always land on your feet.
• 8:07
  You're very resourceful.
• 8:08
  And I know that about myself and I know that I'm resilient and I had to trust in that because I had no other answers Of course.
• 8:16
  And there was no way to get answers.
• 8:18
  Right, right.
• 8:19
  I just, you said step by step.
• 8:21
  It was, I knew that I had to take a step.
• 8:24
  Right.
• 8:24
  And get myself out of the life that I was living, and then trust that something would work out.
• 8:32
  Okay.
• 8:32
  Okay.
• 8:33
  So, so there's two things that are coming up for me in that one, um, that you didn't have a pathway specifically other than you knew what you didn't want.
• 8:45
  Right.
• 8:45
  Exactly.
• 8:46
  Yeah.
• 8:46
  I, I did because I am a planner.
• 8:49
  Yep.
• 8:50
  I did plan out a few things, of course, but we're talking, you know, a few months ahead.
• 8:55
  We're not a year or anything like that.
• 8:57
  Sure.
• 8:58
  And it was all a giant experiment.
• 9:00
  I honestly said, you know, I, I sold my condo.
• 9:03
  I put, I quit my job, obviously.
• 9:06
  I put everything I owned in storage and I took four suitcases with me to Peru, and I said, if it works out, great, if it doesn't work out, I will figure out what my next step is at that point.
• 9:19
  Perfect.
• 9:19
  So you, you didn't just burn everything to the ground, right?
• 9:26
  No, no, I didn't.
• 9:27
  E even though that could have been one of the responses, like, I, I'm moving and I, once I make that decision, I'm not moving back.
• 9:34
  Right.
• 9:35
  You had the curio lens of curiosity that I love so much.
• 9:39
  That plus their, their belief in you.
• 9:42
  Now I do wanna dig a little further and ask, you mentioned that people said you always land on your feet and you don't necessarily love that.
• 9:51
  Mm-hmm.
• 9:52
  Why?
• 9:53
  Why, what, what is it about that that, so it to, that's a great question because I didn't express it very well.
• 10:02
  It's not that I don't love that I have the ability to always land on my feet.
• 10:07
  Okay.
• 10:07
  It's, what I don't love is having been in so many challenging situations where I have to trust that I'm gonna land on my feet, it's.
• 10:21
  My life has been very, very twisty and has lacked stability and security since I was a child.
• 10:31
  I mean, we moved all over the place when I was a child.
• 10:33
  Okay.
• 10:34
  I had lived in, I think, four states in the United States before I was eight years old, so I don't.
• 10:44
  I don't love change, but I know how to navigate it.
• 10:48
  Okay.
• 10:48
  And I know that I'll be able to, it's just sometimes it would be nice for things to just go sleep for a while.
• 10:58
  That's the part that I don't love.
• 10:59
  I I would just like some, a little bit of stability.
• 11:03
  A little bit of security.
• 11:04
  Of course, of course.
• 11:06
  And, and I love what you're saying because it has been your path, and I don't know if you.
• 11:14
  Feel this, believe this, know this.
• 11:16
  But my experience and the people that I support just continue to make this experience more into reality for me.
• 11:24
  But I feel that your pathway, I.
• 11:29
  Has already been pre-planned for you.
• 11:32
  I believe that in my soul.
• 11:34
  And so with so many opportunities to continue to land on your feet, it's bringing a new strength within you that you didn't know was even possible.
• 11:46
  And having the multitude of opportunities that present themselves.
• 11:51
  It could be that that's just who you get to be because that's your powerhouse, that's your ability to pull it all together.
• 12:01
  So I, I'd love that.
• 12:03
  And I, and I wish for you.
• 12:05
  That guiding light that doesn't have the mountains and the peaks for you at every turn.
• 12:11
  Trust me that is coming.
• 12:13
  Thank you.
• 12:14
  I believe it.
• 12:15
  I believe it in my soul because you are who you are and the book that you've written, like why did you write?
• 12:24
  Perceptive.
• 12:25
  And what do you hope the readers are gonna take away from it?
• 12:28
  'cause we'd like to dig into this a little bit further.
• 12:31
  Absolutely.
• 12:32
  I'd love to.
• 12:33
  And thank you for the wishes.
• 12:34
  I, I will take those.
• 12:37
  I wrote perceptive because every day I meet super smart, strong, creative, talented women who.
• 12:52
  Grew up with messages that there was something wrong with them, that they were broken or weird or crazy, or doing things the wrong way, that they were too much or that they were not enough.
• 13:05
  Yeah.
• 13:06
  And none of those things are true.
• 13:09
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:10
  And in every single case, regardless of the message, these women feel like they're alone.
• 13:16
  Yep.
• 13:17
  And what I know is that every single one of them has superpowers.
• 13:23
  Yes.
• 13:23
  And they often don't even recognize those as gifts because the women that I work with tend to be humble and focused on the group or the team or the, you know, the unit not on themselves.
• 13:42
  Yeah.
• 13:43
  And.
• 13:44
  It's also human nature in a lot of cases, just to focus on the challenges rather than the gifts.
• 13:49
  It's just, it's, it's the way that most of us are wired, right?
• 13:53
  So uniformly, I have found that these women are amazing leaders, have huge leadership gifts and assets.
• 14:07
  Sometimes they recognize them, often they don't.
• 14:10
  Mm-hmm.
• 14:11
  They rarely embrace them and leverage them and use them to, to lead more effectively in their lives and in their work.
• 14:23
  And one of the things that I talk about in the book is.
• 14:27
  The gifts and the challenges are really two sides of the same coin.
• 14:30
  And this goes back to what you were saying about my journey and my strengths and the, the peaks and the valleys and the it real you.
• 14:38
  You can't have the gifts without having the challenges there.
• 14:41
  They're there for each other.
• 14:43
  Right.
• 14:44
  And there is, I am gonna, I'm gonna backstep a second.
• 14:52
  Yeah.
• 14:53
  So the women that I work with.
• 14:55
  Once they learn about their wiring mm-hmm.
• 15:00
  And the fact that they do have gifts that not everyone else has, right.
• 15:05
  They start to bloom and blossom and they start to rebuild their confidence and to step into a power that they've always had Yes.
• 15:17
  But often had never claimed, uh, to find their voice.
• 15:24
  Many of them have challenges speaking up because they have been, you know, given all of the messages that I, that I mentioned earlier.
• 15:33
  Right.
• 15:33
  So you asked me another question in addition to, oh, what, what I hope from the book, from writing the book, right, is I really want everyone to be able to accept the fact that.
• 15:51
  They have gifts and they have superpowers.
• 15:53
  And I also, I'm gonna make a side note.
• 15:56
  There are a lot of people that object to the word superpower, and I've had a lot of discussions about this.
• 16:02
  Some people feel that using that word negates or ignores the challenges or means that we, you know, can leap over buildings in a single bound and fly with capes and can do everything perfectly.
• 16:17
  But that's not what it means at all.
• 16:20
  Nobody has that.
• 16:22
  Nobody can do that.
• 16:24
  It does mean that there are things that we can do better than a lot of the people around us or than all of the people around us.
• 16:33
  And when we start to recognize those things.
• 16:36
  First of all, it does rebuild our, our confidence and allow us to step back into our power.
• 16:41
  But second, it also helps us to deal more effectively with the things that are the challenges.
• 16:47
  Right.
• 16:48
  And getting that perspective is why I wrote Perceptive, because, um, I just wanna get this, that message out there that every one of us is wired differently.
• 17:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:02
  And that's what makes.
• 17:06
  Special and important.
• 17:07
  And needed.
• 17:08
  Right.
• 17:09
  And that worth has been present ever since the first day.
• 17:14
  And I like what you're saying in terms of how we, we've been pushed to keep inside the boxes.
• 17:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:23
  And who, who created the boxes?
• 17:26
  Right.
• 17:27
  And it's like, wait just a minute here.
• 17:31
  And because we've been so conditioned over the years to stay within in order to succeed mm-hmm.
• 17:41
  We've lost our way.
• 17:42
  We've lost that superpower connection.
• 17:45
  And I really love the idea that you're sharing in terms of the superpower component being.
• 17:52
  If you look at it in that way, but everybody has superpower.
• 17:56
  It's not exactly you have it and I don't Exactly.
• 17:59
  It's how do we align our gifts in such a way that we.
• 18:05
  All boats rise.
• 18:07
  Right, exactly.
• 18:09
  I love the way you put that, Denise.
• 18:11
  It's, it is not separating people from each other.
• 18:15
  Yeah.
• 18:15
  It's actually bringing us all together.
• 18:18
  And there are so many research studies, for example, out there that talk about how diverse teams are more innovative and more effective than teams that are more homogeneous.
• 18:32
  What is often not considered is what does that diversity encompass?
• 18:38
  So, right.
• 18:38
  The first things that we often go to are race and nationality and gender, and other things that are a little bit more visible and more obvious.
• 18:49
  We don't.
• 18:51
  Always consider things about the way our brains are wired, the way we think, the way we feel, the way we reflect on things and the behaviors that come out of those.
• 19:01
  And that kind of diversity neurodiversity is just as important and does help us all succeed 1000% plus.
• 19:13
  Absolutely.
• 19:13
  Because when we come to the table with our, um, gifts.
• 19:20
  Through what you just shared in terms of our ways we think, the ways we see things, the ways that we operate that isn't quote unquote the norm, but can be so empowering for the collective.
• 19:35
  And when we circumvent and in order to fit in.
• 19:39
  Then we lose not only that, but we pull everybody else back into that same spot, and we don't all grow as a result.
• 19:48
  So I, I love what you do.
• 19:50
  I love what you do.
• 19:52
  Thank you for this.
• 19:54
  Um, you're talking, I mean, I knew we were gonna have an incredible conversation because when we met, I always, as I shared this morning in a live, I always meet my guests.
• 20:04
  I don't go in blind because we have to be a match.
• 20:07
  I have to.
• 20:08
  To, um, know that everyone in the audience who listens gets nuggets of gold, and there's so many nuggets in this conversation.
• 20:18
  Um, Rachel, thank you for your time.
• 20:20
  Is there anything you'd love to share with our audience as we wrap up our conversation today?
• 20:27
  And we probably will have you back again to go deeper into some of the pieces after everything's settled for you.
• 20:35
  So love to come back, Denise.
• 20:37
  It's so much fun talking with you.
• 20:39
  Um, and I think, and we're so aligned on our, on our goals and our visions.
• 20:43
  I think what I would love to leave listeners with is you have gifts, you have superpowers.
• 20:53
  You just need to look a little deeper and, you know, embrace them and, and, and show them don't, yeah.
• 21:03
  So many of us are, are afraid that showing our gifts or using our gifts in a visible way means that we're boasting or bragging, and that is so not the truth.
• 21:14
  What you were saying before is absolutely true.
• 21:19
  If, if we are not sharing those things, we are not.
• 21:23
  Not only are we, are we doing ourselves a disservice, we're doing everyone around us a disservice as well.
• 21:29
  Yeah.
• 21:29
  So, and I, I, I love what you're saying and I'm gonna flip it on, it's, I'm gonna do the coin on the other side because it's exactly what we talk about in our show is when you take time for you, by you, because of you and you do this work with perceptive with Rachel, if you do this work when you, not if.
• 21:49
  When you do this work, when you do this discovery, when you do this uncovering and find out more about who you are as a person without the boundaries, um, you give back to yourself in ways that were never possible without the work that you get to do to create that energy and.
• 22:12
  When you do that, not only your world changes, but your sphere of influence for those closest around you will change.
• 22:19
  I've seen it in myself.
• 22:21
  I know you've seen it in yourself.
• 22:22
  I know your clients witness the same thing, and I probably, without a doubt.
• 22:28
  Sure.
• 22:28
  They say, I can't believe what happened in that meeting because this is how I showed up.
• 22:35
  Is that true or I'm am I just imagining it is?
• 22:37
  No, it's absolutely true and it's what I love hearing from my clients, and I'm sure that your clients say the same thing.
• 22:45
  Totally.
• 22:46
  Totally.
• 22:46
  Yeah.
• 22:47
  I wouldn't have had a clue that me doing this for me would have an impact for others.
• 22:52
  And in a way that doesn't force to try and figure out how to make this work.
• 22:57
  Just go and do it for you by you because of you.
• 23:00
  So.
• 23:00
  Go and figure out your superpowers because they're deep within you, and Rachel is a queen in that.
• 23:08
  So make sure you reach out, find her, check her book out.
• 23:12
  Let's get this going.
• 23:14
  I'm so excited.
• 23:15
  So excited for this conversation.
• 23:18
  Thank you so much for your gifts.
• 23:23
  Your superpowers, your voice, your book, everything you bring to the world.
• 23:30
  Thank you for continuing to land on your feet and your pathway will find its way to you.
• 23:36
  It's, it's coming.
• 23:37
  It's already, I'm already feeling it's, it's on its way.
• 23:40
  The smooth is coming.
• 23:42
  Denise.
• 23:42
  Oh, get the sales out.
• 23:48
  Thank you so much, Denise.
• 23:49
  It's been such a pleasure, and, uh, this conversation has made my week.
• 23:53
  So thank you for having Yay.
• 23:55
  It's an honor and a privilege.
• 23:57
  And if you are not following us on Thrive after 45.
• 24:01
  You can find us on all the platforms, all the PO podcast streaming platforms you can think of.
• 24:10
  Of course, apple and Spotify, and you can find me.
• 24:13
  Just look for me anywhere.
• 24:14
  Denise drink Walter, you'll find me.
• 24:17
  I'm on social media like crazy, and we wish all of you the best and make sure you take time for you by you because of you.
• 24:25
  Go find out your superpowers, and by all means, use them for your benefit and those around you.
• 24:33
  Take care everyone.
• 24:35
  See you again.
• 24:35
  Bye.