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When a narcissist starts to HATE everything about you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What's going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about the stage in the relationship with a
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  narcissist where they start to hate everything about you.
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  The way you look, the way you talk, the way you act, the way
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  that your your height, weight, income, every single thing about
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  you, they will absolutely hate you.
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  Good near here. My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnose narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  the narcissist code. Yo, we go hop right into it.
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  There is a stage in every relationship, I would say almost
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  every relationship with a narcissist where they absolutely
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  resent every single thing about you.
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  Like everything about you makes them hate hate you, not hate
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  you. They start to hate everything
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  about you. They look down on you.
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  And the crazy thing about it is y'all this stage right here,
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  right before the discard phase, it's, it's part of the
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  devaluation phase, of course, right.
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  But the crazy thing about it is this can seemingly happen
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  overnight. Like you can go from being in a
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  healthy, happy, loving relationship with this
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  narcissistic person one night, go to sleep, clap cheeks,
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  whatever. I wake up the next day and then
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  all of a sudden out of nowhere, they're being dismissive towards
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  you. They're bringing up every single
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  thing that they feel like you've ever done wrong.
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  They look at you weird. They don't like I said, they
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  started looking at you weird. They do a lot of different
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  things in this situation right here.
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  They start to mess with you. They start to belittle you.
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  They start to talk trash to you. They start to bring up things
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  that they used to love about you, things that they have look,
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  things that they used to love about you.
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  Now they cannot stand, right? Like this happens to everybody.
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  Like in the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist,
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  there's so many different things.
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  They they, they when they love bombing you, they're going to
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  just point out all the stuff that they like about you, right?
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  They'll tell you something like, hey, look, I love the fact that
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  you're so talkative and you're so bubbly and you have so many
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  friends. I love that you're such a
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  personable person. They love that about you.
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  They just brag to their friends. Hey, yeah, my girl can make, she
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  can make friends with anybody. She's just a friendly, amazing
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  person. She's so full of empathy.
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  She's so compassionate. She's so kind, caring.
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  She's everything that I've ever wanted in a partner.
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  Right, Right. Right.
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  But then later on in a relationship, after the love
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  mommy stops, they'll turn around and start to hate that exact
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  same stuff. Hate it.
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  They turn around and talk to hate it.
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  So instead of them enjoying the fact or bragging on the fact
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  that you're kind, caring, compassionate, bubbly, can make
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  friends with everybody, now you don't know when to shut the hell
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  up. Now you talk too damn much.
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  Now you just don't know when to You, you, you care too damn
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  much, like you're too gullible, you're too emotional.
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  The stuff they used to love, remember?
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  They used to love this stuff. Now they claim that they hate
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  it. Now they claim that is
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  everything is going, everything is different Now everything is
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  different and they're going to of course, y'all, of course
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  they're going to blame you as to why things are different, as to
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  why things feel different. They're going to put it on to
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  you. There's no if ands or buts about
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  it. They're going to put it on to
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  you. They're going to say, well, they
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  you're going to ask you, you're going to go up to them and ask
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  them. You're going to say, hey, look
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  what's going on That made everything change, right?
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  Like why? Why don't you treat me how you
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  used to treat me? And they're going to look you in
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  the face and say, hey, you changed.
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  The reason I don't treat you the way that I used to treat you is
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  because you have changed. You yourself are not the same
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  person. You made me treat you this way,
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  right? You made me do this.
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  You made me ACT this way because you did this.
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  Because you did that. I'm going to say it right here.
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  Y'all, I have a course called Understanding the seven stages
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  of a narcissistic relationship in this stage right here, I
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  refer to it as the fracturing stage in a narcissistic
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  relationship. It's in between the it's in
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  between love bombing and evaluation.
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  It's when they start to see your flaws, right?
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  They at first in the beginning of a relationship with a
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  narcissist, they see you. They put you on this pedestal.
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  You're up here, right? But sooner or later something
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  happens. They don't.
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  They no longer see you as a perfect person anymore.
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  You have flaws. Yeah, everybody has flaws,
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  right? This is not me trying to say
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  you're a flawed person and you're evil.
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  You're horrible. No.
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  Every single one of us has flaws, including me, right?
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  I might not have many flaws, but I got them right?
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  And now, of course, I'm joking. But they're going to see your
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  flaws. And once they see that you're
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  not a perfect person, they start to resent you.
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  They start treating you like a liar.
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  And of course you can. Of course you can find my course
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  at mentalillness.net. Yeah, all my courses and stuff
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  are available at mentalillness.net.
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  But once they they look and they look at you and treat you like a
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  liar, they look at you and treat you like you've done something
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  wrong to them, like somehow, some way, shape or form,
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  everything that has happened in this relationship dynamic is
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  your fault. It's almost always going to be
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  your fault. This type of stuff will always
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  continue to happen with this type of person because they're
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  going to look at it as a scapegoat, as a reason to treat
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  you a certain type of way. Everybody goes through this.
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  Everybody goes through these stages in a narcissistic
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  relationship. Now the timing of it might be
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  different, right? What what took you 3 months to
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  get to could take somebody else a year could take somebody else
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  six months, could take somebody else a week.
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  Like, OK, y'all could be the same thing.
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  It could be the same thing. Imagine this person love bombing
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  you. They they, you go to the the
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  seven stage of a narcissistic relationship.
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  They pick you. They love bomb you.
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  They they, the relationship fractures, they discard you or
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  they devaluate, they devalue you, they discard you, they
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  recycle and then they Hoover. You see what I'm saying?
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  Those are the seven stages right there.
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  And so many people are dealing with this type of person and
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  this type of personality dynamic.
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  So and people are going to continuously deal with this
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  because this is how it goes with narcissistic people.
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  Y'all. It's just this is literally how
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  it goes and this is how it's going to keep going because this
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  is how the mind of narcissists work.
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  They're like, when I say that everybody's going to experience
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  this, I do mean every single person.
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  So if you're with a narcissist, right, and they just happen to
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  leave you or break up with you and they end up with a new
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  supply. And one of the main questions
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  that I consistently get is like, are they treating the new supply
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  better? Are they going to be better for
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  the new person? Is the news?
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  Is the new supply getting a better version of them?
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  Blah, blah, blah, Boo, Boo, Boo, Boo.
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  You're right. I get those questions a lot.
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  Well, I tell people is the new supply will be going through the
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  same phases that you went through.
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  It just not might not be on the same timetable.
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  It might not be the same calculation.
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  It might be a different timing of it, right.
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  What took, like I said earlier, what took you two 3-4 months a
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  year might take them longer, it might take them shorter.
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  Part of healing means that you are not necessarily watching the
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  new relationship because that doesn't help you heal.
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  I believe I'll keep it real. I'll keep it real, I'll keep it
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  hot and ready, all kinds of stuff, right?
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  It's just like when you are dealing with toxic, narcissistic
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  people and you're trying to heal from that.
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  Watching the new relationship does not help you heal.
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  That's one thing that I can say without like hindrance anything
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  like watching, if you got your eyes on the new, if you got your
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  eyes on the new relationship, you are not going to be able to
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  heal. Because when you got your when
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  you have your eyes on a new relationship, you're going to do
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  a lot of comparing and contrasting.
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  You're going to be like, well, what did I do?
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  What did they do? How why wasn't I enough?
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  Why did they get the better person?
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  Why did they get this treatment? Why this, why that, why this,
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  why that? And I completely understand your
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  mindset that you're going through as I'm saying this,
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  right? I completely get it.
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  So that's why you can't watch the new relationship.
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  It doesn't help you heal to watch them treat somebody else
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  different. Dwight doesn't help you heal to
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  watch them giving the next person everything that you might
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  have been begging and pleading for.
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  It doesn't help you heal to to do that.
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  You know, of course, it's human nature to wonder this stuff.
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  So I'm not trying to chastise you.
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  I'm just saying that this is something you have to work on in
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  order to get past in order to heal, right?
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  But like I said, narcissist, like let's get if I, if I dig
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  deep into the mind of a narcissist, right?
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  I'm thinking right now that I want even before I was self
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  aware, right? Even before I was a self aware
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  narcissist, I always wanted to love.
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  I wanted to love and I wanted to be loved by someone, by people,
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  right? Of course, there's narcissistic
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  supply, but I've always wanted to be in a happy relationship.
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  So I would pursue people and I would genuinely be in love with
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  these people. I thought I always, I genuinely
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  thought I was in love with these people, right?
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  But then by the end of the relationship, I would be
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  struggling like in the end could be 2345 months, remember,
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  because something would happen. I would see this person's flaw.
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  When I say flaws, I didn't. I meant to say this earlier, I
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  forgot. When I say flaws, I don't mean
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  that there's anything wrong with you.
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  To that narcissist, something is wrong with you, but it might not
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  be anything that's wrong with you.
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  A flaw to a narcissist could be something as simple as setting a
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  boundary. Imagine a flaw being setting a
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  boundary, because that's what could happen here.
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  Like setting a boundary could be a flaw to them.
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  Saying the word no could be perceived as a flaw of yours to
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  them, right? You lose a little weight, you
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  gain a little weight, you change your hair color, you, you,
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  something happens. You burp, you fart, something
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  happens. And then they don't look at you
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  as a perfect person anymore, right?
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  Or, or you make them feel less than like you.
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  Yeah, your success could be perceived as a flaw to a
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  narcissist. Your ability to be successful,
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  you chasing your goals and dreams could absolutely have the
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  could be perceived as a flaw to your narcissistic partner or
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  their or your ex or whatever, right.
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  They absolutely could be perceived as a flaw.
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  And that's the craziest thing about it is because narcissist
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  always want to feel superior to their partners.
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  They want to feel more important than their partners.
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  So your bubbly personality that I mentioned earlier could make
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  them start to feel smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller,
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  right? That type of stuff does happen
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  to people. That type of stuff happens to
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  people all the time. So narcissists are almost always
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  going to you, always going to fall into these traps when they
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  start to resent you. Look, they treat you like they
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  hate you, but me personally, I don't think that they hate you.
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  I truly believe deep down that narcissist, instead of hating
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  you directly, they'd hate how you make them feel about
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  themselves, right? They hate the fact that you make
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  them feel different. They hate the fact that you make
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  them feel less than it. It might not be anything that
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  you are doing wrong. Like you get a lot of
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  narcissistic men that will tell you that you emasculated them by
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  just being successful, right? And the crazy thing about it is
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  that you could have already had that success when you met them.
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  You could have already had that success when y'all first got
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  together. But then he's like, wait, I
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  already had this. It doesn't matter.
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  They're still going to make the claims that you emasculated them
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  or you treated them differently. You're not submissive, blah blah
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  blah. Boo Boo, Boo, BBB.
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  Don't, I'll end it with this right here.
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  Don't let them change you. At your core.
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  I noticed almost impossible when you're going through the
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  relationship, But when you get out of the relationship, you can
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  find ways to pick up the pick back up the good parts of your
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  personality, the good parts of your behaviors that you might
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  have had to hide while you were in this relationship to survive.
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  You know I talk about that in my course finding your why Healy
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  from narcissistic abuse. You can find my courses, my
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  coaching everything y'all is going to be available at
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  mentalillness.net. You can check it out.
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  All things Lee hammock up there. Y'all hit the subscribe button.
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