Latest / The You Project / #1680 Self-Awareness & Self-Regulation - Harps & Tiff

Transcript

#1680 Self-Awareness & Self-Regulation - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I get a Champs, craig An here, Harper, Tiffany and Cook.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It is the project that's you. It's Saturday afternoon and
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: it's nine minutes past four. I've got my radio voice
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: on for some weird reason, sitting on seventeen degrees. Now
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: find City by the Bay, heading for a top of
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: nineteen tomorrow, a little bit of cloud about down some
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: early morning rain.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: And now back to the show. Tip get I over
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: there at typ Central.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: You've got quite a skill to riff like that.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I know that's from twenty years and twenty years, but
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: even when I did radio, I didn't talk like that anyway.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: When we were on retreat, Jem who you've had on
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: the show, Jim Fuller who random retreat in India. He's
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: quite musical, so he actually used to have what he
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: has albums that he used to be in a band,
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: So we had albums and so he had his guitar
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: up there and he sang an eight minute song like
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: just impromptu riffing about us. And I think that is
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: incredibly talented to put a song together off the top
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: of your head and we're you know, it made us
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: laugh and it rhymed and it worked. And it's I
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: love that you can. Yes, plus your too, haven't you.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Well, I do have a guitar, Allen.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I can play guitar, and not brilliantly, by the way,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: but I've played since I was a little kid. Still
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: got a few guitars lying around, and every now and
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: then I drag it out of retirement and just smash
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: my fingers for about three days and then I get
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: almost get callouses back, and then I put it back
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: in the cupboard.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: So who's really brilliant.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: That in the moment verbal kind of just going and
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: going with no script and no rehearsing. Is the rap
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: dudes who just just, you know, in the middle of
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: the beat just bang it on. Yeah, those guys are good.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I don't have that. I don't have that, but to
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: be able to do.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: I reckon you could, I reckon you could just give
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: it a go. Really, I mean, you do it when
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: you get on the podcast, or if put will be
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: to it, maybe a little we'll hit.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I don't know that the world needs a sixty year
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: old white guy with fucking l plates on his chest
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: trying to just spit out a few wraps for the
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: for the disinteresting.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: For this the world needs.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I'm already annoying enough. You know.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I met this morning with I'll give a shout out Sharie,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: who used to work for me and is getting married soon. Anyway,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: it doesn't matter, shout out to Marie and her future
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: wife whose name will come to me, maybe it's Hanny. Anyway, Well,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: chatting and said to me something that like a lot
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: of people, well not a lot, but maybe a few
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: people think or want to ask me but don't. And
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: she's like, what do you think it's like being around you?
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: And I went, well, this is something not only have
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I thought about it a lot of researched it, but
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: it was interesting to unpack that, you know, and then
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: to see how that lined up with what she thought.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: You know, It's like, well here's what I think. Well,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: and I've got an unfair advantage because one, I literally
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: researched this as my doctorate. But also I've I've had
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: a job where I do get feedback from people officially
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: and unofficially, and so I do have some insight.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: But it is funny how you know somebody can listen
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  Speaker 2: to you.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I did three gigs this week, as you know, and
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: my Monday night mentoring group. So we could almost call
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: that four gigs and it's you just know that, like collectively,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: you know, nearly two thousand people I spoke to this
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: week live, and you just know that there are going
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: to be people that think that was the best thing
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: they've ever heard. Literally, a lady came up to me,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: a youngish lady like thirty from South Africa, said, you're
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: the best speaker I've ever heard.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: You're the best speaker I've ever heard. I've heard lots.
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  Speaker 1: I loved it, and I'm definitely not the best speaker
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  Speaker 1: by the way everyone, but that was what she said,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: and that was lovely. And I'm sure there were people
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: that night at the same event who walked out and
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: went not a fan. You know, That's the thing is
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: that you you don't know how you are for someone,
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  Speaker 1: and you really well, you can try to be aware
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  Speaker 1: and sensitive and have a have an experience and an
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  Speaker 1: understanding and an awareness bigger than you, you still don't
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  Speaker 1: know because you don't have insight into the mind of
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  Speaker 1: especially people you've never met. You can't even guess what
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: they're thinking because you have no understanding of who they are.
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  Speaker 3: What was the feedback or how aligned were you with
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  Speaker 3: Shari's perception or feedback on that?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, reasonably close, you know. Yeah, Like, I know
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: that some people will find me inappropriate, and I get it,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: you know, depending on especially people that have no story
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: with me or no journey with me. They've never seen
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: me speak, they've never read any of my stuff. Now
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: and then, you know, one of my followers or listeners
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: will just lump a bit of me onto someone who's never.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Heard of me, and they don't like it.
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  Speaker 1: They're like this, like it's like here, watch this guy,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: and they're like, I fucking hate him. And I don't
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: blame them, but you know, it's like somebody who already
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: has got you know, a relationship with me. They know me,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: they understand where I'm coming from. They know that I care,
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  Speaker 1: they know I'm empathetic, they know that I'm direct and
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: blunt and I swear, but they know where it's coming from,
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  Speaker 1: so they're not offended. But with somebody who doesn't understand
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: the person behind the words, or the intention behind the words,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: or the backstory, it can be it can be a lot,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: you know, and I don't you know, that doesn't surprise
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: me at all, but it is interesting that you get
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: everything from your inspirational to you're a dickhead.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: Well, I want to ask you a quo. I want
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: to come back to a question around that for you.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: But first we were talking about it, maybe with the
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: crab in the gym last week around and the two
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: people I mentioned that my perception of them shifted, and
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: then how much I decided to then be a fan
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: of them and not a hater. Was Jimmy Carr for
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: some reason. Never used to like him, just straight off
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: the CUF for really no reason at all. I was like, yeah,
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: I'm not really fair of that guy. He kind of
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: annoys me. Look like a mannequin, you know, like just judgmental, unreasonable,
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: like nothing behind it. And then listen, I think you
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: might have sent a podcast that he was on, and
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: I listened to that and I adore him because I
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: love the person that he is beneath the comedians and
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: now I love to scroll his comedy. And the same
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: went for Norton by Elaine Can't stand Still. There's aspects,
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: lots of aspects of how he presents on social media
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: that I can't stand. But again I listened to a
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: podcast and there's such a depth to him that I
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: did understand and love that it changed my perception some
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: of the social media content that he puts out to you.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So well, let me just say before that question,
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: Tim's talking about a guy called Lane Norton, who is
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: He's got a PhD. So I like, I like pointing
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: out listeners in in directions when you respect him and
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: like him, so do I. I respect him more as
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: a researcher and a scientist and an educator than I
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: do as a bloke. I don't dislike him as a bloke,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: but he can be a bit clunky, and he's also
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: he can come across as a bit self righteous and
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: egotistical and also and all of that I'm okay with.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: What I'm not okay with is publicly just running lots
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: of different people. You know, I get it, and I
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: know it kind of works in terms of getting attention
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: and subscribers and you know.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: But his instagram is called Biolane b io l A,
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Y and E.
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  Speaker 1: And his stuff is great, Like, if you really want
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: a high level information, well researched, no bullshit, no fluff
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: around nutrition, just just scroll through his stuff. It's it's
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: very good. It is very good. There was one other
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: person I was going to say, it will come to me,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: all right.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: I'm ready, all right.
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  Speaker 3: Where you're at now with your own experience and self
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  Speaker 3: awareness and how much you observe this what gets in
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  Speaker 3: the way for you at times that you recognize in
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: the moments where maybe you're not paying attention or you're
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: not aware of how, or you misjudge how someone interprets you.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, look, maybe maybe ego, maybe emotion. You know, it's
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: like you and I had an interesting moment today, right,
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  Speaker 1: and I'm going.
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  Speaker 2: To share because it's all good.
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  Speaker 3: Right, Well, everyone knows about it, so you may as well.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: Well, Okay, so sometimes and this wasn't a problem, but
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: it was really interesting because I've been listening to We're
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: All over the Shop today that fuck it, this is
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: just you and mate chatting with a few thousand people listening.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Have you heard of Terry Crews. I don't know if
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I've told you I'm listening to this book. So Terry
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: Cruz is the dude that hosts America's Got Talent agt
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: yep X NFL player jacked like he's I think he's
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: fifty six now, but he looks forty and he's fucking
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: massive and jacked.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: And he grew up in.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: A place called Flint, Michigan, I think it is, which
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: was you know, he grew up in poverty or relative poverty.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: His dad was abusive and violent. His mum was like
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: part of this very very culty church that he also
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: grew up in. And he's black, and he faced a
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: lot of discrimination.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: You know, men.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: He grew up in the sixties and seventies, and he
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: just had a lot of a lot of challenges, right,
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: But I've been listening and he was a self confessed
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: pain in the US for one of a better term,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: like he was a chauvinist. He was he thought men
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: were like he just grew up in this family that's
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: where his old man was just like men of superior
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: and then you know, he just had a whole lot
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: of issues. But I've been listening to him, like it's
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's interesting when you listen to a bio.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know how long it is, but I'm nearly finished.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: It must be nine or ten hours. When you get
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: nine or ten hours of information about someone and you learn, like,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I love really good bios because I want to listen
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: to just their story, and I find it interesting. Like
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Meghan Phelps Roper from you know that church one what's
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: it called the west Westbrook Unfollow Westboro Baptist Like if
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: you want to listen to a fucking mind blowing bio everyone,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: it's called Unfollow, the book by Meghan Phelps Roper about
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: her journey inside the Westboro Baptist Church. But anyway, I
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: really identify with Terry Crews because you know, we're dudes,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: We're about the same age. He's got issues, I've got issues.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: And just listening to how he how he realized he
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: was a fuck and he had to humble himself and
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: apologize to his wife and even his kids for the
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: way that he was a husband and a dad. And
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: it's like he had these spiritual and or philosophical kind
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: of revelations about and it was real. You know how
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: when some people talk, I think I'm pretty decerd earning
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: unless he's the best.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: Actor in the world. Like it's all very real.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: He says, every day, I apologize to my kids and
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: my wife, but how I was in the first kind
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: of ten to fifteen years of their marriage and all
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: of that.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: But I just I really respected that and I really
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: So it's made me think about how I manage my emotions,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: how I manage myself around everyone, and even you. And
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: so you made a minor mistake yesterday on one of
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: the shows, like you, I did a conversation with Patrick
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: you weren't in the show, which you normally are, and
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: then you edited it later and it wasn't Thank god,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I didn't do anything horrendous, but there was just there
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: was a bit of what we call in the business
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: everyone dead air where I was looking something up and
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: I was stumbling and fucking trying to find something, as
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: we do, and often if TIFF's not in the show,
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: like really, we cut things out to be honest, but
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: you know, if somebody stumbles or bumbles, they might say, oh,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: can I start that again? I go, sure, and go
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: and they'll just start the sentence again, or you know,
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: and so I will often say, TIF, can you just
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: take that bit out? And so I was trying to
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: find something and it took way too long. So there
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: was some dead air about thirty seconds of not very
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: spectacular listening. Wasn't a problem, it just wasn't very professional,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: And I said, TIF, can you take that out? And
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: the world's best editor somehow missed that and left it
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: in and then honestly, and then I got a couple
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: of messages going, hey, I don't think this is meant
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: to be in and I went, and this is honest,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: and I told you this. Initially I was like a
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: little bit fucked off, not like ten out of ten,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: but like two out of ten. And then I was
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: more interested in that reaction, like I'm like, oh, what
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: is that about, because clearly she didn't intend to do it.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Clearly if she heard that she would have, you know.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: So.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: And then by the time I saw you, which was
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: a few hours later, we lifted a few weights. Like
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: I wasn't mad, I wasn't anything. But then I was thinking,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: how do I bring this up with Tiff in a
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: way where I'm coming from a place of awareness, not
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: on any level pissed offness, And how do I share
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: this with her in a way that it's clear that
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: like I don't want that to happen again, but at
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: the same time, you know, shit happens and it's.
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: Okay, you know.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: And then I literally came in and said, before we train,
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: we need to have a quick grown up you know,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: big boy, big girl pants talk and then you get
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: this look that you always get, like, ah, fuck, like
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: like principles office.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: It's view. I'm like going in a moment.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: And then I went it's all good, but this happened,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: and you're like, ah, you know, and I'm like, did
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: you listen to it? And You're like I did. I did,
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: but I get distracted. I'm like, okay, okay, and it
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: was all good, Like there was no angst, there was
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: no I wasn't you know. But even with that, in
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: the old days, I didn't handle those things as well
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: as I should because some things and one hundred percent
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: the problem was me, Like me, I'm the problem.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: And stuff like that.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: I've had to work on where I mean, I would
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: never go fucking guns blazing and yell at any of
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: my staff ever, but I know that I can be intimidating.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: So I'm also very aware that, well, there are two
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: things here. One I need to tell her this right.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Two it's not life and death. Three how do I
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: do it in a way where you know, I just
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: let her know but there's no subsequent problem?
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what I think we both went okay, Yeah.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: I think like what I loved is even the acknowledgment
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: of you were like, at first, I was a bit
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: pissed off, but I'm okay now acknowledging that, Like, I
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: think that's important. I funnily enough, and I hadn't told you.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: But before that, as I was driving to Anymore, just before,
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: I was following up with a friend that I hadn't
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: heard back from a couple of times, and then I
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: messaged him on a different platform, I'm like hey, And
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: because I was like, well, it's not reaching back out anyway,
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: they poured out their heart and said, you know, we'd
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: had a conversation and something the way that I had
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: said something in a particular conversation had upset them. And
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: they're not in a great place mentally, and they're struggling
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: with a whole range of things. So they just this
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: huge message and I read it and I felt terrible
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: because I thought, oh, they've held onto something that I've
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: unintentionally said and they've misinterpreted in some way, or they've
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: felt they have a feeling about it. Old me would
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: have been like like, I didn't say that, and I'd
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: be a bit defensive and angry. But I was like
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: I took the time, which was why I was a
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: little bit later, I took the time to draft a
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: message and acknowledge that and tell them I love them
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: and blah blah blah, And you might not believe this,
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: but it's the truth anyway. So hopefully we can catch
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: up and have a chat. And I'm happy to let's
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: have a chat about it. And I love the fact
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: that they could hold on and say to me how
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: they felt. And I love the fact that I didn't
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: have to fucking defend myself this time.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, wouldn't it be great if we could all
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: do that? And you know, when you're pissed off or
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: when you're happy, or when you're sad, or when you're
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: disappointed or when you're frustrated, it doesn't have to become
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: a thing. It doesn't need to elevate, you know, it
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: doesn't need to become a problem. And also going in
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: like realizing that there might have been a time when
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: you would have gone, how fucking precious is this person?
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: You know? Really come on like there were times when
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I've done that and I've felt that, And that's for me.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: An ongoing challenge is because I want to help people
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: become resilient and becoming resilient. You know, the process is
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: dealing with shit that isn't always fun or fair or nice.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: And so I get I get the emotional devastation at times,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: and I'm supportive, but yeah, for me, it's like, what's
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: the line where I go, oh, they're there and rub
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: your back or I go, come on, Bro's it's a
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: one out of ten problem.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: It's not a fifteen.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: But then there's the other side of that, mister psychology
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: is well, it's one out of ten through your eyes, Craig,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: but maybe to them it's a nine.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, and so you have to respect.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: That that version of reality without Yeah, it's a really
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: interesting dynamic that you know, that whole kind of It's
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: not my job to make you feel good.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: For three minutes or four minutes. As a coach.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: It's my job to help you build resilience and awareness
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: and you know, high performance in all situations. But there
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: will be times when you're falling apart and I'll just
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: give you some love and that's okay.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: And I think I've got such a value on speaking
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: now and speaking like not being silent, like I would
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: sweep everything under the rug and just wait for any
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: emotional angst, i'ld either depart and abandon the relationship or
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: just wait until I had no emotional trigger about it
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: and pretend it never happened, neither of which were great
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: strategies for maintaining at any level of self worth or confidence,
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: but also good relationships.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's an ongoing I mean, one of
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: the challenges of personal development in inverted comma is the
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: process not the product, right. I'll say that again everyone,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: the process not the product, right, Real personal development, real growth,
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: real self help. Literally it should be called helping yourself, right,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: because that is also what it is. But with the
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: commercialization of everything at the moment, self help and personal
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: growth really just fucking stuff, you know, products and programs
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: and stuff. But I'm more interested in the journey. But
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: part of that is I think going into every whatever
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: like this conversation now, assuming that I will fuck something
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: up in this conversation, assuming that I will over the
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: course of fifty or sixty minutes, probably get at least
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: one or two things, definitely say something that will piss
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: off at least one human, maybe one hundred. Also knowing
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: that in a year I might re listen to this,
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: which I definitely won't but in an alternate reality, go ah, fuck,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: I don't agree with half of that. Now you know
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: this this need to be right that so many of us,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: including myself at stages of my journey, have, it's just
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: a form of potential analysis, our paralysis where we're just
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: keeping ourselves trapped because we're not okay with being wrong,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: or with being embarrassed, or with saying I don't know
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: you know, and that you know that's the and as
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: we were, I don't know if we're talking about this
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: at the gym, or we're talking about or maybe I
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: was talking to Shari.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: I've had a lot on today. But the idea that.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: You know there is no best you know, there is
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: no best anything, like there's no best diet, there's no
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: best job, there's no best workout, there's no best leaders
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: of water, there's no best hours of sleep.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: It's like it's all dependent on the individual.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: So to think that you and I are going to
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: have a conversation that thousands of people will hear and
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: everyone's going to like it or everyone's going to dislike it,
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: or everyone's going to be inspired, or you know, it's
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: of course, so you have to go it's That's one.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: Of the questions Shari did ask me today was.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: How do you go with knowing that people won't like
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: you or people will be pissed off or offended? Or
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I go, well, I have to be okay with that,
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: because that's a statistical inevitability. Let's say in a hypothetical
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: world that doesn't exis. But let's say that you and
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: I had a conversation and everything that I say is
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: absolutely unequivocally true, right, and every intention and every motive
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I have for that hour is positive and good. Well,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: of course there are still going to be people who
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: are upset or pissed off or disinterested or and that
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean I'm right and they're wrong. That just that's
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: like an inevitability of the you know, the difference of humans.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: It's like we all just we're all just.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: Interpreting life and the world and all these inbound stimuli
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: as we go, labeling things, giving things meaning, creating our
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: own experiences without intending it. And in the middle of that,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: you're just the bloke or the girl with a podcast
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: who just all you can control is you know, production, conversation, words, intentions,
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: and then get out of the way.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: And what will be will be.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: When you first you've had quite a while in working
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: in the public eye, now, when you first got some hard,
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: not nice feedback around stuff like that, Can you remember that?
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: Can you remember how that felt and how you dealt
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: with it.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I can tell you a very funny story about exactly that.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: So it's twenty twenty four now, so I would say
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: in about.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Maybe twenty ten. This is one of many stories.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: I was working on air at se N and I
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: was doing with Jackie Louder, good old Jackie Louder, maybe
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Australia's best sports site.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: We were doing.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: It was either Christmas Eve or New Year's Eve, the
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: worst fucking time in the world to do radio because
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: you can't get guests. Nobody's fucking listening. You know, there's
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: seven people listening, they're all pissed. Two of them are
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: fucking idiots. So you've got seven piss people, of which
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: two are idiots. Right, I mean, you've still actually got
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: thousands of people listening, but it's not the normal audience.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: Anyway.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: This bloke started absolutely smashing me on the SMS machine.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: So you know, you have computers in front of you,
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: and one of them is just dedicated to messages from
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: listeners that come through on Melbourne's Homer Sports, you know,
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: and there's a number, there's an SMS number, a mobile
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: number they can SMS and so in real time in
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: front of me, messages would come up in front of
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: me on the screen, starting at about seven o'clock. I
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: was on from six to twelve. Now, this is live
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: commercial radio. There's no music, there's no get out of
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: jail card. In a typical hour of radio back then,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: there might have been I can't exactly remember, maybe maybe
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: twelve minutes of ads. So forty eight minutes of you
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: live time six hours. That's a fucking huge amount. And
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: like I said, you can't get guests because it's Christmas
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Eve and so on. So this bloke starts going, how
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: the fuck did you get a job on this radio station?
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: Like how they must be scraping the barrel. Who the fuck?
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: What have you done? Like you're a nobody?
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Like and this was at seven by the time, by
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: the time it was like eleven thirty at night, he
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: would have sent by then, by the way he kept listening,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: but he would have sent over forty completely horrible, feral, hurtful,
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: you know, like extreme, you know the C word, the
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: F word. You're a f and useless see have I
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: hope they're you know all this right in the end,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: I said. I didn't say his name, but I said
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: to him, I said, I finish. I finish at midnight.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: And this is when SEM was in Swan.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: Street, Richmond.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: When it's when it's it's not anymore. I said, the
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: address is four seven three Swan Street, Richmond. I will
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: be out the front at midnight, because we're off air
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: at midnight. I'll be out the front at one minute
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: two three minutes past twelve. I said, you feel free
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: to come down now. This is on radio, right, this
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: is you know, this is me. I wanted to punch
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: the fuck out of him, and.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: I'm I'm telling on live radio.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I'm telling this abusive listener to meet me outside the
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: studio in like twenty five minutes. That's how That's how
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: badly I coped with that.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: I mean, all your listeners right now are like, what
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: take Harper.
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: I know I'm not proud of it, but honestly, he
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: was just a belligerent offensive, like aggressive and all this
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: you know what he'd like to.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: Do to me and punches, you know, I'm like, okay,
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: all right, all right, Champ, Well I go sure this
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: where I am, This where I am, so just head
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: on down.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: Of course he didn't show up.
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: Get through that. That set is a massive achievement, like,
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: oh but the funny just thinking of that.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and it was.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: And then you're on air and you're trying to be
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: upbeat and you're trying to be you know, we had
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: listeners call in and all of that, and you're trying
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: to hold interesting conversations with with Jackie and you're doing
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: you know, on radio, it's different because you're doing time
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: checks and station IDs and you're coming in and out
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: of breaks, and as you go into an ad, you're
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: trying to hook the next thing because you want people
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: to come back after the ad.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: So it's called a whole right, and you're gonna go
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: after dad.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: We're talking about you know, bah bah bah, it's fifteen minutes,
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: half the hour at seventeen degrees. We'll be back after this.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Listening to Melbourn's Homer Sport it's harps and Jackie boom
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: out right, and then you've got about three minutes to
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: regroup and quickly run and have a.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Piss you know, I'll get some caffeine. It's very glamorous.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Everyone's like, oh my god, radio is so glamorous. It
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: ain't glamorous.
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: And of course he's doing these days. I wonder what.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Oh I hope he's kicked on. But you know, like,
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: honestly that that would not I would laugh.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: I wasn't as I think, as evolved as I am
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: these days, and I probably had a bit more testosterone,
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: and I was probably a little bit more fucking, a
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: little bit more of a buff.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Ed But yeah, wait out front.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: How long as you wait.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Out I did.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: I waited out front till about twenty pounced. Well if
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: it didn't come, which is probably good. Well it's not,
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: it's definitely good. It's because it's a bad idea. I'm
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: not proud of what I just shared everyone. It's not
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: a good thing. It definitely not one of my better moments.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I definitely didn't walk my own talk.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: But also yeah, I mean yeah, I worked.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: In pubs from when I was nineteen till twenty three,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: three or four nights a week, so four years of
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: people trying to punch me in the face for no
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: sensible reason, you know, So like I was not I
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: didn't love violence. I definitely, of course didn't love violence
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: or aggression or but I was kind of used to it,
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: like it wasn't I didn't want it, but it didn't
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: terrify me, you know. And then and then working in gyms,
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: and you know, it's like I had my joint on
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: the Highway festival Hall boxing ring, and I worked with
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: boxes and grapplers and wrestlers and jiu jitsu dudes, and yeah,
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: so I was all around, always around people scrapping and
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: you know, big egos and testosterone, and so it wasn't
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: like it was a foreign thing.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: I wasn't an accountant who had never been in a
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: scrap Shout out to the accountants, you know. So I
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: didn't want it, but yeah, but again not proud of that.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: My ambition for the rest of my life is never
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: to get another altercation, very happily, very happily.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: But have you ever had.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: A fight other than out, other than in the ring, Like,
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: have you ever got into any pushing and shoving with
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: a girl or alive?
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: Well, anyone had a good story, a good story. I
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: can't believe you're going to make me tell this. I
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: might have thrown. I might have thrown This was just
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: before I was a boxer too. I might have thrown
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: a punch at a lady. She was, she's.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: Any cook. It is my tippany cook.
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: She was my dad's in inverted comma's friend. And she
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: wasn't a good sort. So I might have got upset
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: in the moment, and I might have executed some moves.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: Did you connect? Yeah, Oh, look at you. I couldn't
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: be proud of.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: No, well, I actually wasn't. I shocked myself because I
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: didn't think, because I wouldn't do confrontation or conflict or anything.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: And she just pushed my buttons and and and so
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: I struck out and wow, she she was on the ground.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Ah wow, that's that's all I remember thinking, is well,
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go to jail now.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: I was so frightened. But then I gave her marching.
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: We were in tazzy, she was she was on a holiday,
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: and she just was proving not to be a good person.
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: And I was getting with the upset. She was taking
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: advantage of my good hearted father, and I got mad
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: about it and I said, and then I'm the next day,
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: I said, you can you can go to Sydney. Now,
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: if you've got friends in Sydney, you're not welcome here anymore.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: And I thought that my dad might never speak to
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: me again. I thought, that's my dad's my best friend.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: And he had to go back to Melbourne before I did,
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: and I was still in tazzy. This was over Christmas
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: New Years, very long time ago, obviously, and he rang
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: me when we got back and he said, I just
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: want to say thanks, And that was amazing.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: Really yeah, Okay, how many we don't It doesn't sound
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: like it this conversation everyone, but we neither of us
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: recommend violence unless it's controlled and in a boxing ring
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: with a referee. So if there are any kids listening,
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: which there definitely aren't, but you know, just give someone
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: a hug. Well, actually, no, don't because sometimes that's a
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: bad idea too. How long ago was this?
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: This would have been two thousand and eight or nine.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: Maybe, so fifteen or sixteen years ago.
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: Yep, before I was boxing. I didn't start boxing twenty twelve,
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: so it was before boxing. So I reckon two thousand
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: maybe ten.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: Wow. Wow, it's when you think, my.
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: Dad, I'm like a little pitbull. You do not do
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: not do anything to my dad because I have got
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: his back.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: Man, I'm with you. I'm like that with mum.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: The dude who grabbed my mum in the city on
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: the arm, that didn't end well for him. The guy
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: that wanted the guy that probably wasn't in the best shape,
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: let's be honest, but just approached my mum and grabbed
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: mum on the arm and wanted money. That didn't end
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: well for him. Let's say he didn't get any money,
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: but he did get present from harps. It wasn't in
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: the formative when.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: Years ago, fifteen years ago.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Ten twelve, Yeah, but did say, well, Mum would just
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: stood there in shock, and so did Dad. Yeah, but anyway,
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: he ended up alright. He didn't get particularly hurt. I
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: think nothing. Long term, he won't be doing that again. Oh,
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: listen to us, we sound very aggressive. But can I
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: say he literally grabbed my mum physically to like accosting her,
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: and I was about a meter away looking in the
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: other direction, turn around, saw him.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: My dad was in between mum and me. I literally
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: pushed him backwards and grabbed old mate and just just.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: Moved him away gently from my mother. I just gently
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: just moved him off to the.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: Side, gently negotiated.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: I just I just relocated him a little bit, just
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: for the benefit of everyone.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: I went, I think you might be better off over here, Champ.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: That's enough for that. I will tell one more quick
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: story about this shit. Is the first night I ever worked. Well,
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: that's not true, because I worked in pubs in wa
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: when I was eighteen nineteen.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: I forgot about that.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: But my first night in Melbourne, I worked at I
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: won't say where it was called, because I might get
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: in I might get in trouble, I don't know. But anyway,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: a very well known pub not that far from where.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: I'm at now.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: And the first night, in the first hour, I put
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: out a bloke who was being very troublesome. Let's say
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: that it was about I don't know, ten thirty. He
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: was either drunk or high or both. Very problematic he
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: was being and I was quite big and quite strong,
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: so I controlled him and walked him out, and I
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: walked him through the kind of the double doors in
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: the boyer area and down the stairs to the car
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: park and told him to go home and you know,
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: don't come back in, or words to those effect. And
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: then he turned round and I wasn't fully paying attention,
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: my bad and he head butted me and broke my nose.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: That was night one night, one hour one, and I'm like, oh,
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: this is ok this is this is worth twelve dollars
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: an hour, isn't it Okay? Look at me, Mum and dad,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: I'm killing and you thought I wouldn't amount to anything.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: Look at me now, look at me now?
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: Oh character, because outside of the boxing ring, I would
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: still flee. People often have said, oh, you'd feel safe
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: being a boxer. I would run at conflict in the
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: street still. And I remember being in high school and
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: somebody was bullying me once and not really punched me,
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: but kind of pretending to put in their fist like
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: against my face and pushing me back into the wall. No,
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: I chip myself. I wasn't going to do anything like
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: you know this one time with It was just a
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: highly charged and she was really pushing the buttons a
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: little escapade.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: Hmm.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: Well we're older, we're wiser, and it's a good thing.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: You and I both Buddhists.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: So I went and sat on the mountain. So I'm different.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: Now you're different. You're different. Look now, it's been fun,
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: but before we go.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: I just want to I just want to give a
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: little bit of a shout out, a tribute. Now, you
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: told me some sad news today. I didn't know. It
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: only happened yesterday. We're recording this Saturday afternoon. And as
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: much as we know, correct me if I fuck any
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: of this up. Kerwin Ray, who I was going to say,
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: is but was a very well known Australian speaker, coach
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: mentor does kind of did a lot of the stuff
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: that I do.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: Essentially bigger profile than me, bigger brand than me, very
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: well known.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: To as far as I know, good guy how Kerwin
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: was on the You Project, Tiff reliably informs me episode
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: four three seven, And yeah, he passed away yesterday and
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know how old he was, but like a
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: lot younger than me, like a decade younger than me
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: or so, and that's so sad. So we want to
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: just send our love and thoughts to his friends and family.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: And you know, it's not funny. It's interesting how you
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: realize how long the show has been around now that
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: I think that brings.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: To the.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: Total of people who have been on the show who
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: are not with us anymore, up to six six people
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: who have been on the U Project who are no
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: longer with us. So, you know, I don't know where
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: he is. I don't know what happens these days. I
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: don't know what I believe post life. But let's hope
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: he's in a better place, and let's hope that his
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: family and his friends are okay. And so we've had
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: just a recap. So Nima, my friend the pharmacist who
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: was on a bunch of times, he passed away. Simon Hammond,
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: who was on the show at least once, maybe twice,
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: who was a guru in marketing and branding and wrote
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: at least one or two books. Simon passed away very recently.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: Dr Gladys mcgrary, who we had on I think it
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: was about a year ago, about June twenty twenty three
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: or something. Doctor Gladys was on at the teenage years
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: of one hundred and two. She was, and she passed
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: away recently just before one hundred and fourth birthday. One
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: of the one of my favorite humans that I worked
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: with at Sin Kilda Footy Club, who was then the
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: captain of Saint Kilda Footy Club, went on to train
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Richmond Football Club and had well documented issues with mental
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: health and specifically depression and anxiety, and was on the show.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: Danny Frawley, who we lovingly referred to as Spud Spud
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: passed away a couple of years ago, and then of
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: course the very gorgeous and lovable and charismatic Johnny Ruffo.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: So yeah, it's I don't know, it's just like it.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: I don't know why all.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: Of those affected me, especially Nima because him and I
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: were close and I had dinner with him about three
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: or four nights before he passed away. But I think
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: because Kerwin Kerwan and I kind of do the same job,
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: very similar, and definitely no one or you know, you
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: wouldn't expect, you know that, And it just made me
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: just have a moment of reflection about my own, you know, mortality.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: So I think it's it's it really highlights our mortality,
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: and that's especially when people are around our age, like
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: I think he was somewhere in his forties, late forties,
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: maybe like I'm forty one, and it's just like in
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: a moment, stuff can change, and that's terrifying.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And also I mean, I know this is an
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: obvious thing to say, but then you go oh yeah,
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: Like all that matters, really, all that matters is the
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: people that you love, and all that matters is you know,
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: and I know in the day to day nous of
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: our you know, of course you've got to pay the
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: bills and put petrol in the car and make you
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: break in, vacuum the floor and change the doner cover
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: and all that, you know, but it's like, yeah, when
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: we when we do do a self reflection and when
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: we do do a little bit of an audit on well,
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: what truly really matters to me? Like beyond the self
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: help and the rah rah and the you project, come on,
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: you can do it right, and all of that stuff matters,
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: But you know what matters most, you know, what matters
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: most is that we're here and that you know, like
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: even with my mum and dad now and they're eighty five,
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: Like when anyone asks me what's like, what's your what's
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: your priority right now? I go, Well, my parents, They're
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: my priority. Like everything else matters, but nothing matters more
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: than them, you know. And so there's nothing that I
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: wouldn't do for them, including you know, dropping this podcast
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: in a second, if that's what I needed to do,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: you know, or you know, like there's nothing like and
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: you just go, well, and that's you know, and that's
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: hopefully that's.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: Not going to be required.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: But you know, it's like with your dad, you know,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: when when something happens like a nothing like even with
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: you and that lady because you saw her probably as
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: some kind of threat to his whatever he's well well
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: being or he's you know whatever, and yeah, that's that
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: so too when like like my mum and dad have
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: been sick of various times, you know, and lots of
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: surgeries and lots of literally near death moments. Mum cancer
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: three times, Dad too, heart attacks, you know, Mum, you know,
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: getting a lung removed, and it's like in you know,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: sitting in the waiting room in a hospital when you
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: know your dad has a massive heart attack, gets revived twice,
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: then has quadruple bypass and you don't know if they're
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: going to come out and go, sorry he didn't make it,
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: or you know, he's out of surgery and he's okay.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: You know, like you're just you're sitting there next to
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: your tiny little mum, who's the person she loves the
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: most in the world, is in there with his destiny
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: in someone else's hands.
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all that shit where you go, oh yeah, this
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: is this is it, this is what matters.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: So anyway, that was deep and philosophical, perhaps unnecessarily so.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: But shout out to everyone who has anything or had
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: anything to do with Kerwin and family and friends and
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: colleagues and people who worked with him, because I think
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: you were telling me, or maybe it was Melissa. He
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: had a pretty big team that worked with him, you know,
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: and so it was a lot more than even within
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: the context of his business and his work. I think
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: there was There's going to be a lot of people who,
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: for a range of reasons, be devastated. On that very
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: somber note. We need to maybe raise the energy a
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: little bit before we head off. Have you got it's
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: it's nearly five o'clock. Have you got any plans for
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: this evening?
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: Cook? Are you going out? Have you got a date?
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: I've got no got to be party shoes on tonight.
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: It's one of the first days or slash nights. I
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: did some stuff this morning, but that I don't have
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: plans because the new tip she does things with people now,
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: it's amazing.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: Where what why is that?
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: Like? Why are you so social now? Why are you
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: getting out so and I'm seeing lots of photos of
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: you with lots of people. I saw a photo of
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: you lying on the ground looking at the sky today,
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: like snuggled up to some lady. That's fine, by the way,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, what's that about.
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: After I boasted that and read it, I was like,
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: that's a very deep and meaningful A lot of people
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: are going to look at that and think that I've
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: hooked up with a woman that was Shannon. That that
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: was a photo from India. That was Shannon that I
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: traveled to India with. It's been She's been really great,
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: you know, in a rate for a range of reasons.
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: So I wanted to acknowledge her. But that's you know.
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: One of the realizations when I got back was I
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: have just I've put my blinkers on for the last
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: few years and I've said no, and I've been busy
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: and i haven't spent time with people, and that's a
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: really unbalanced life. And these have been the best couple
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: of weeks that I've had. It's good. Maybe I will
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: reach out to someone and hang out with them tonight.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: Maybe you will, Maybe you will, all right, everyone appreciate
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: you thanks for listening, See you next time.