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Introvert Networking: I Peopled for Three Days and Actually Liked It · You're Not Too Much

• 0:00
  Guys, I went to a thing and I enjoyed myself.
• 0:02
  I felt like a real human adult person.
• 0:05
  Nobody suspected that I never wear shoes, nobody.
• 0:09
  He goes, do you know why people keep saying, there were a bunch of
• 0:12
  basketball players around earlier?
• 0:14
  And I was like, what?
• 0:15
  No, but I definitely saw Kevin Durant.
• 0:18
  And he was like, what?
• 0:19
  You saw Kevin Durant?
• 0:20
  And I was like literally almost walked into him.
• 0:22
  And I said to somebody that I was like, face to face with Kevin Durant.
• 0:25
  And he turns around and he goes, you are like at best
• 0:27
  faced a navel with Kevin Durant.
• 0:31
  Welcome to You Are Not Too Much from the Different Not Broken
• 0:34
  Network, a podcast about how you are not too much, they're not enough.
• 0:39
  Space expands, so let's fill it.
• 0:45
  I'm gonna say something that is going to shock everyone
• 0:47
  listening and you'll be okay.
• 0:50
  It's just, it's gonna take you a minute to get used to.
• 0:53
  I promise I have not changed as a person.
• 0:55
  I promise I'm still the same person.
• 0:57
  I promise that I still have all the same quirks that I had before.
• 1:00
  It doesn't change anything about me, it's just an experience that
• 1:03
  I had that you should know about.
• 1:05
  I went to an event on an aeroplane for three days with a bunch of
• 1:13
  strangers where I peopled for three straight days by myself and, okay,
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  brace yourself guys, brace yourself.
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  I dunno if you're ready for this.
• 1:24
  Brace yourself.
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  I really freaking enjoyed myself.
• 1:27
  It was so nice.
• 1:30
  It was so well curated.
• 1:32
  The people who put it together did a an exceptional job.
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  If you know me, I love good organisation.
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  I love good execution.
• 1:40
  And it was like a well-oiled machine.
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  You would've thought they did it a hundred times before and it
• 1:44
  was the first time they did it.
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  The people behind it were freaking brilliant.
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  I said It was like our parents put together the world's best play date
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  for us because it was a bunch of health tech founders in this random,
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  gorgeous resort in New Jersey.
• 2:00
  Did you know that there are like lush fields and curated forests and gorgeous
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  farm to table farms in New Jersey?
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  I did not If you had blindfolded me and put me on a plane, okay, don't do that.
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  First off, don't.
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  But if you had and dropped me at this place and not told me where I was
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  and then told me I was in New Jersey, I would've told you that you were
• 2:29
  a liar and that you kidnapped me.
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  And I was in some, I don't know, some like bunker in Idaho.
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  I don't know, like it was gorgeous.
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  I kept like staring out the view from my hotel room going like,
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  are we sure this is New Jersey?
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  Because I know a thing or two about New Jersey and it is not this.
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  So anyway, the place was gorgeous, the event was amazing, food was
• 2:59
  spectacular, and it was all, again, don't think less of me.
• 3:05
  I promise I have not changed.
• 3:07
  It was all very fancy food and I ate it and I didn't ask what it was beforehand,
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  and there was only one time that I ate something that caused a minor sensory
• 3:21
  meltdown is a coconut cheesecake that was very delicious, but had pieces of
• 3:25
  coconut in it and that is my nightmare.
• 3:27
  And I was like, Peppe,
• 3:30
  peppe.
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  But then I'm around adult people who I have to act like a normal person
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  around, and so I couldn't do the like pep and so I had to figure that out.
• 3:38
  I don't know if I did a good job, they'll have to tell me if anybody
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  noticed me, like spitting bullets because there was coconut in my mouth and I
• 3:45
  was like a cat with tape on my tongue.
• 3:47
  But anyway, it was like a whole thing, but three straight days of people of
• 3:56
  talking about things that I know of helping people design solutions of
• 4:03
  all of it, and it was invigorating.
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  It was not exhausting.
• 4:07
  Don't get me wrong.
• 4:07
  When I got home I was tired, but it was like tired of three days of activity,
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  not social batteries so drained that I'm never talking to another human.
• 4:15
  That's usually what it's like.
• 4:17
  It was a bunch of people who have been where you are and know the way out.
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  It was just refreshing to be around and it wasn't a weekend where people
• 4:27
  bragged about their successes.
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  We talked a whole lot about failures, about the things that we've done wrong,
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  about the mistakes that we've made, about ways that we've fixed them,
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  about some of the stuff that you don't talk about in healthcare, like you
• 4:40
  don't tell anybody you went through that because it doesn't look great.
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  We were around people who have been through the same things.
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  There's no judgement . It was just like, yep, here's how we dealt with it.
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  This is the vendor we use, this is how we structured it.
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  I can definitely help you with that.
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  Reach out to me when we get back home.
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  It was great.
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  It was great.
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  I was like in the best mood, the best mood when I got back.
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  But that whiplash, that reentry, whiplash was tough because I was like.
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  I made friends and I talked to people, and I walked up to
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  people and introduced myself.
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  And it wasn't weird.
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  Or if it was weird, it was weird for them and not for me, and they didn't tell me.
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  And I joined conversations and I shook hands and I didn't sanitise
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  my hands after every time.
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  And I learned about people's businesses and I gave people insightful
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  information without feeling like abroad.
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  And I did all of this.
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  The buzz ended pretty quickly, but there is still some halo from
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  the weekend, and I enjoyed it.
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  And if you told me I had to go again, I would actually be excited.
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  And I flew by myself.
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  I flew by myself.
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  I didn't cry.
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  I took a reasonable amount of medication, not like a large amount of medication.
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  I did not feel like I was gonna have a panic attack before the plane took off.
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  In fact, both times before the plane took off, I fell asleep just enough
• 6:02
  that as the plane was taking off, I was like, I was drowsy enough that
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  it just like wasn't a big deal.
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  And then once the plane's in the air, I'm fine.
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  So like I missed the whole 20 minutes of crushing anxiety that I have.
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  But guys, I went to a thing and I enjoyed myself and I felt like
• 6:20
  a real human adult person and.
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  Nobody suspected that I never wear shoes, nobody.
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  I told somebody there that I'm like painfully introverted.
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  And they were shocked.
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  Like shocked.
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  And I was like, yeah, I put on a good show, but normally
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  I'd rather be anywhere else.
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  Anywhere else.
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  So they told us to be there by like 1:00 PM but my flight got in and then
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  there was an hour long drive and I still got there by 11:00 AM And so I just
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  figured maybe I'll go find somewhere to sit in the hotel or maybe there's a
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  coffee shop I can go to or something.
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  But I also knew that it was kind of remote and it was unlikely that I was
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  gonna find like a place that I could just go sit in and then I was gonna have my
• 7:00
  suitcase and it was gonna be complicated.
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  Me being me, I'm just anxious about logistics.
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  And the day before I left, I had to be somewhere later in the day.
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  My husband tried to ask me something and I was like, please stop talking to me.
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  I have to be somewhere in four hours and I have to count backward until then.
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  So every time I got through another milestone, another logistical
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  milestone that I organised by myself and I did not need help with it, it
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  led up on the anxiety a little bit.
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  So I get there, I check in, they said, obviously the room wasn't
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  gonna be ready for a while, but I could go hang out in the great room.
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  Great.
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  I give them my bag, they put my bag away and they checked it for me.
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  And it was just this little quaint, like it was large, it was like this
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  palatial estate, but as far as hotels go, it was a reasonable sized hotel.
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  So they take my bag, I'm sitting in the great room and managing my anxiety by
• 7:52
  like getting things off my to-do list.
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  There are things I have to do over the next several days.
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  I don't wanna have to do them when I'm not sure what my schedule is gonna be like.
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  So I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna churn stuff out over the next 30 minutes.
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  It was actually two hours so that I don't have to worry about those things.
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  And as I'm sitting there, there are all of these very young people walking around.
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  And mind you, this place used to be like a private old money club and it still
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  is that, and they added a hotel to it.
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  So now you can stay there as a hotel, but it's still this old money club.
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  So I just did not expect to see a bunch of young people.
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  In very casual, like basically basketball shorts walking around.
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  Something didn't gel.
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  And so I'm typing away and I did get a tonne of work done and then I look
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  at the clock and first off I look up and I realise that everybody's gone.
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  I had been so engrossed that I didn't even realise that most of the people left and
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  there was only one or two people left.
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  And then I got up and realised that it was like basically time to go meet
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  with the team that I was meeting with.
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  And there was still like a fair amount of people milling around the lobby.
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  But again, just hyper-focused on getting done.
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  When I'm done, I went in, I asked them where I'm supposed to meet for this event.
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  They told me where to go.
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  I went and did that.
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  Completely forgot about anything that happened in the lobby, put on
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  like people's socialisation face.
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  People started walking up to me and just starting conversations, which I did
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  not know is a thing that you could do.
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  People were just like, hi, I'm so and so from so and so, where are you from?
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  And I was like, and then like my badge had companies I don't own anymore 'cause
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  I forgot to tell them before I got there.
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  So everybody's like, where are you from?
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  And I'm like, not here.
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  So I then, you know, switched modes to like social peopley.
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  Totally forgot about that.
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  So I get a text that my room is ready.
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  So I go get my room key and they're like, it's right down the hall.
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  There's a elevator behind, but you can walk up the stairs too.
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  They took my bag, they put the bags in the rooms based on who checked them.
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  I was like, this is so fancy.
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  It is so fancy.
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  So I get up the stairs, I get to the top of the stairs, the door of the
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  room that's directly across the stairs opens a couple of people walk out.
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  And then this guy who I swear to you was seven feet tall, walks
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  out and I am a lot of things, but seven feet tall is not one of them.
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  Not even close.
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  I barely come up over five feet tall.
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  My, my 10-year-old is almost taller than I'm.
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  So I see this person, I make eye contact with him.
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  He's got a hella expensive bag on his shoulder and I recognise him.
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  But I was there looking for people I know from my field.
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  I did not have it in my brain that I would meet any or see anybody else.
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  And so I see him and my brain goes, I don't think he's from a startup.
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  Like I recognise him.
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  I don't, is he from a startup?
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  No.
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  I can't think of any giant seven foot tall guys from startups.
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  Not that I work at least that would be weird.
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  So again, I was like, okay.
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  So it was very brief.
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  He walked past me, I went down the hall again, went back to counting
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  backward in my head to the time I needed to go to the next event.
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  And like I had to get changed and go to the next event.
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  So like very much logistics get there in time, whatever.
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  Then later I'm leaving my hotel room.
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  And passed by that room again and remembered like,
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  wait, I saw that guy earlier.
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  Am I being reductive if I say that guy had to be a basketball player?
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  Because I'm pretty sure that, but I couldn't place the face
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  even though I knew the face.
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  I couldn't place the face because it was like seeing a fish on land.
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  He was just in the wrong place.
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  I was not supposed to see this person where I saw this person.
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  So I go to dinner, but we have like a, a mixer thing and then there's some
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  intro speeches and then we do dinner and I'm sitting next to this guy
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  who is a giant basketball fan and he says to me, he goes, do you know why
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  people keep saying there were a bunch of basketball players around earlier?
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  And I was like, what?
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  No, but I definitely saw Kevin Duran.
• 12:20
  It finally hit me that it was Kevin Durant and he was like, what?
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  You saw Kevin Durant?
• 12:24
  And I was like literally almost walked into him.
• 12:27
  And I said to somebody that I was like, face to face with Kevin Durant.
• 12:30
  And he turns around and he goes, you were like at best
• 12:32
  faced a navel with Kevin Durant.
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  I was like, that is accurate.
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  Correct.
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  That gentleman is very tall.
• 12:37
  So finally it hit me when somebody confirmed there were a bunch
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  of basketball players there.
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  So apparently there was like this big private party the night before and
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  all the basketball players and their associated entourages and I guess
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  they had brought groups of people and things like that, they were all
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  supposed to check out by 10:00 AM and by 4:00 PM they were still in the room.
• 12:58
  I remember that at like 1:00 PM this sweet little man who worked at the hotel,
• 13:04
  I hear him run past me and he goes up to the hotel manager and he says, sir, I have
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  a situation and I don't know what to do.
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  And the boss is like, yeah, what's up?
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  And he goes, we're trying to do uh, turnover on room,
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  blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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  And we open the door and there's still someone snoring in there.
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  I dunno how to handle this situation.
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  So he was like, just call security and Zoe.
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  He's like, oh, okay, okay.
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  But I guess they had a lot of trouble turning over the hotel 'cause
• 13:30
  these people just would not leave.
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  But then it occurred to me that I was sitting in the lobby
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  hyper-focused on what I was doing.
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  I now know the names of all of the people who were there.
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  Some of them were probably in that lobby with me.
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  And I didn't realise because I was hyper-focused on what I was doing and
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  just being my very quirky, managing my anxiety self because people were
• 13:53
  telling me who they ran into while they were like milling the grounds.
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  And in the great hall when I was there and I was like, are you, are you
• 14:01
  trying to tell me that I was in the lobby with Drake and I didn't realise?
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  And they were like, it is possible that you were in the lobby with
• 14:07
  Drake and you didn't realise.
• 14:08
  Now to be fair, I have no desire to be in the lobby with Drake.
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  I don't care if Drake's in the lobby.
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  But I would've at least liked to know that I was in the same lobby as Drake so
• 14:16
  I could protect the young women around me.
• 14:18
  But still, it was just like, what did I miss by being the
• 14:22
  world's most focused person?
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  What literally slipped by me because I was so focused on making sure that I had my
• 14:31
  work done before I had to go wear shoes and act like an adult for several days.
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  So anyway, long story long I peeped for three whole days and it was amazing.
• 14:43
  I almost ran face first into a basketball player, and I have the
• 14:48
  focus ability of a tractor beam.
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  Somebody might wanna send me to science.
• 14:55
  Ask L two.
• 14:59
  We have a question from Kevin.
• 15:02
  The business is just me.
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  I haven't taken a week off in three years and I'm starting to resent
• 15:08
  the thing I built to get free.
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  Where do I even start?
• 15:13
  I'm going to tell you what to do here and I need you to understand that this is
• 15:20
  the do as I say, not as I do instruction because I am horrible at taking time off.
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  Horrible.
• 15:30
  I disconnect.
• 15:33
  I don't even know what's something that doesn't disconnect a lot.
• 15:35
  It's that that's what I disconnect.
• 15:37
  I'm like the atomic clock.
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  That's what I am.
• 15:41
  I'm constantly keeping time.
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  It is.
• 15:43
  I'm just bad at.
• 15:45
  Part of it is I worry about things and part of it is like
• 15:48
  I just really like what I do.
• 15:49
  Like I very rarely mind working, but I do need to take more time off.
• 15:54
  That said, turn your freaking phone off.
• 15:57
  Notify all of the people who need to be notified.
• 16:00
  Find somebody who can handle emergencies and turn your freaking phone off.
• 16:05
  Even doctors can do this.
• 16:08
  I've watched them do it.
• 16:09
  You get somebody to cover your call and you go turn your phone off.
• 16:15
  You go do it.
• 16:17
  You go lay by the pool or you leave your phone at home, or you find
• 16:23
  some way to not be distracted by it.
• 16:26
  You are allowed to not think about work, and it is possible that you
• 16:33
  have outgrown the thing that you have built and that working at that
• 16:37
  level is just not for you anymore.
• 16:40
  But it is also possible that you need time off and you need
• 16:43
  help and it's not either or.
• 16:47
  You need time off.
• 16:48
  You need somebody who can help.
• 16:50
  If you're paying your bills, if you have extra money left over and you are
• 16:54
  not investing in running your business more efficiently, including running your
• 17:01
  body more efficiently, meaning getting appropriate rest, getting appropriate
• 17:05
  turnoff time to turn off, then you have created a false economy because you are
• 17:11
  probably making less money than you should be by not investing in the things that
• 17:17
  you need to better support yourself.
• 17:20
  You are better at your job when you've rested.
• 17:22
  You are better at everything when you've had time to yourself.
• 17:26
  You are a better communicator when you don't have to communicate
• 17:29
  every minute of every day.
• 17:31
  You are a better citizen of the universe.
• 17:35
  When you have gotten to sit by a pool without anybody bothering you, can you
• 17:41
  tell what I want to be doing right now?
• 17:43
  And I felt the same way.
• 17:45
  As much as I love my job, I have felt that pressure of I have built
• 17:49
  something that needs me all the time, and all I want is to not be needed.
• 17:53
  That is valid.
• 17:55
  So go figure out how to not be needed.
• 17:58
  Find somebody who can answer the phones and handle things for one week.
• 18:04
  Nothing will fall apart in one week.
• 18:08
  And anything that will fall apart in one week was not put together well
• 18:13
  to begin with, your body is telling you something, your brain is telling
• 18:16
  you something, you gotta listen.
• 18:19
  Turn off your phone, go take a week, go take two weeks, whatever,
• 18:23
  however many weeks you need, you'll be better at your job.
• 18:26
  On the other side of it, also pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
• 18:31
  Thanks for being here guys.
• 18:32
  Have a good day.
• 18:32
  Love you.
• 18:33
  Meeting
• 18:37
  the only man to pay attention to behind the curtain.
• 18:40
  Isky win.
• 18:40
  Exactly.
• 18:41
  And he's, he's not really like, he is a.