Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / My Adoption Story, with Guest Katie Cruice Smith

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My Adoption Story, with Guest Katie Cruice Smith · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of the Five Minute Parenting Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Karen Ferguson, wife, mom, grandmom, and children's book author with a background in K-8 education and a passion for equipping parents to raise confident and God-confident kids.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: In this podcast, we'll cover parenting practices for both a practical view and a biblical view.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Our goal is to help you raise kids with a positive, godly self-image so they can become all they were created to be.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're busy, so we'll keep it short.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take just five minutes and dive in.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Today I have a very special guest on the show, Katie Smith, who'll be sharing her foster care and adoption experience in a three-part series.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Katie is a freelance editor and writer in South Carolina.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: She is an adoption and foster care advocate and handles the marketing for an adoption attorney.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: When Katie isn't working as senior editor for Ambassador International or writing her next book, she is busy homeschooling her three kids, spending time with her family outdoors, or enjoying a good book and a cup of coffee on her porch swing.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Katie is the author of the children's adoption book, Why Did You Choose Me, and loves to share with others the joy she has found as a foster and adoptive mom.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, Katie, welcome to the show.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad you're here.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: You bet.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this is such an important topic.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I know there are so many kids in need of a good home, and I know there are many parents who want to help but just don't know where to begin.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm so glad to have you on the show.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And please jump right in to share your story with our listeners.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, great.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I have always um had a heart for kids.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: I've always wanted to be involved, and um our church is very involved with the children's ministry.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: We have quite a large children's ministry.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: And back when I was younger, um, there was a family in our church who were houseparents um at a at a children's home.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And um they had a, they came every week with a bunch of boys, and I didn't know which ones were biologically theirs, which ones they were just house parents for.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um they were just family and they were friends.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: We grew up together, they were in my youth group, and I just was always amazed by this family, and it it just put this heart of adoption and foster care um in my life that I just I just couldn't get away from.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so um when my husband and I were dating, we also helped with um a ministry that went out into um the community and helped in the um unreached portions of the community and brought the kids into our church.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: And we helped with the first graders, and it was really hard every week because these kids wanted to go home with us.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: They didn't know if they were going home to a safe place or if anybody was going to be home when they got there.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so we had talked early on that we wanted to be a foster care or adoptive parents um when we became parents, and so we got married and we thought that we would have a biological child first, um, like all of our friends were doing, and then we would pursue adoption or foster care.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: But that was not in the cards for us.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: God had a different plan and he closed those doors and he's um set us on a path where we tried infertility treatments for a little while, um, but it became a difference between do we spend this money on continuing to pursue this path that may not lead to a child, or do we put this uh these funds into um make making a home for a child who might not otherwise have somewhere?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so we we started pursuing international adoption, actually.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um we were looking at China, but my husband's eight and a half years older than I am, and um, he was old enough to adopt from China, but I was not.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so that door was closed because it was going to take a while for me to get to the right age for that.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um so then we looked at um pursuing through foster care.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but that there were some changes that were going on within our foster care system here in South Carolina um that we were just not able to agree with at the time.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um and and so since then things have gotten better and and we have been foster parents, but just the way God led us to our attorney just um was a miracle.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: And when we met him, it was just immediate connection.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I knew somebody who worked in his office, and she immediately set off set out on finding the perfect match for us.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: And we were introduced to our daughter's birth mom um after we retained our attorney about three months.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: And we went to meet her, and it was supposed to be um several couples presented to her, but she was not interested in talking to anybody else.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um when we met her, she said, You're the family for me.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: Here's your here's your ultrasound picture.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And um it's a girl, what do you want to name her?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it was just immediate connection with her.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so because of the relationship that she and I formed uh a couple years later, ended up getting pregnant again and um called us and said, Hey, I'm still in a bad situation.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want, I'm not ready to be a mom.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Do y'all want to have another baby?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: And uh so that's yeah, that we got our son that way.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: It was definitely our our attorney says this is absolutely a god thing because it didn't make sense on paper and it was too easy.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then three years went by, and um, each time it seemed to be like we were starting to think about um having another child, what should we do?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um and as we were filling out the paperwork, like we were gonna go through foster care again before we got the the notice about our son being born.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then with with our daughter, our our third daughter, we were actually being considered as house parents um for the the Hershey's home for children up in Pennsylvania, and we were going through the interview process, and they have a rule that you can only have two of your own children come with you.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: And um so it was it was a really big decision for us to make, but then we found out that um their birth mom was pregnant again, so we had to kind of make a decision between are we gonna be house parents or are we gonna have another baby?
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: And we had already made a commitment that if we could keep siblings together, we were gonna do that.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so um that adoption we were not prepared for at all.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: We had not even planned on adopting at that point, and so we had no money.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: And our our church family and strangers, and um just the way that God provided the funds for that adoption were absolutely amazing.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: And um, so yes, so we have three children from the same birth mom.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Same birth mom.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: I would imagine that's pretty unusual, you know.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: It it is not as unusual as you think.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: We have several clients um at our attorney's office that if you if you are respectful of the birth family and and really develop that relationship, they're they're more likely to want to continue with you because they do love their kids and they want to make sure that their kids are together and in the best environment possible.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um so obviously, I highly recommend it.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, obviously, the birth mother reached out to you.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, was there a lot of contact?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you might have mentioned it.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Was there a lot of contact between those times?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: No, no.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: No, we uh we had a commitment.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, most um attorneys and agencies now will not allow you to have a closed adoption because it's really not in the best interest of the children.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so most will do like a semi-open adoption, which is letters and pictures.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: So we made an agreement with her.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: We would do that for the first five years of their life.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: We would make sure to send updates.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you know, and then she is able to contact us at any time through our attorney.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: So there have been times like she sent me my first Mother's Day card.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I know she just she's super respectful of me as their mom and um recognizes me as that is that person that you know is there every day in their life.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: But I do have you know information if I need any kind of medical information or anything like that, I have a way to find that out.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um and the door is open if maybe in the future we we would be able to meet up with the birth family.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we had tried it in the past, but it just hasn't worked out for us.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: So some families they have them for birthday parties and they have them over for Christmas.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that just hasn't been our path, just because of what her expectations were.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: So this adoption attorney that you worked with for all three of your children, is this the same one that you're you volunteer with now?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't volunteer.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: I I I work as his marketing assistant.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: I actually um it was several years after we adopted our third one that I was looking for an office job to go back to for part-time.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I I knew that there were two things I wanted to do, uh talk about adoption or um and write about adoption.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: So um I called his office and I said, Are you guys are you guys hiring?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I went, I had an interview with him and I said, How many times do I have to adopt from you to qualify to work here?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: And he didn't really have an answer.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, You got a good point there.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what to say.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: So that's great.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been with him for about seven years now.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome, wonderful.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yes, tell us a little bit about your adoption book.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, why did why did you choose me?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that has a great story behind it.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: So, like I said, with our third one, we weren't planning an adoption, so we had no fun saved.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: And um, so there I was looking at anywhere I could, and I found this this strange grant on Pinterest of all places.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there's a couple that was up in Maine that every year they put out um an essay contest for adoptive families.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and they would ask a different question, there was a different topic or whatever, and then they would choose a winner and they would give them a thousand dollars.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so the year that I was applying for it, it was the question was if your child comes to you one day and says, Why did you choose me?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: What will you say?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so I basically wrote to my child, like what I would tell her when if she ever asked me that.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so um at I won the thousand dollars, but that's a drop in the bucket when you're adopting.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: And um I I I was kind of whining, complaining to my my friend one day about how frustrated I was um on raising funds, what could I do?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: And my friend is an artist, she's an art teacher here in our town, and she said, Hey, why don't you take that essay, turn it into a children's book, I'll illustrate it, and we can sell it and try to raise more money for your adoption.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want any kind of part of it, I just want you to get the money and and and bring home your baby.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so we tried to pursue that, but if you at the time we were told that it would be like$15,000 to publish this book.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, and I said, um, if I have$15,000, that's gonna go towards my adoption.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna put it into a book, and so um that God kind of closed that door and provided all the funds in other ways.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: So that sat on our our shelf for a while because she had made these beautiful illustrations and I just didn't know where to go.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then my friend Anna Rotz, who is now COO for Ambassador International, um actually became became the COO about four years later.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, I know you have this story you've been trying to publish, and I think you need to meet with our publisher, Dr.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Lowry, and um tell him your story because I think he's gonna want to publish you.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so I met with Dr.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: Lowry, and he was really impressed with the story behind my story, and really wanted to back us up.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so um we were traditionally published and didn't have to put any money into um into this book.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: So that$15,000 was null and void, not even a problem.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: And um and yeah, we were awesome, and we've been able to spread the story.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: So we did change some of the illustrations um to like my daughter who whose adoption started the book is actually pictured in the book itself.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: So she loves telling people that.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's awesome.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, actually, next week in um her co-op is character book character day, and she likes to dress up as herself and take it.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: I love it, that's awesome.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: And now, of course, your senior editor at Ambassador International.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and that came about as a part of that because um Anna was looking for um new freelance editors at at the time, and she said, How about would you like to maybe do some editing for us?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Sure, but I've got you know three little kids now, and I probably don't have a lot of time, so you can send me one or two manuscripts, and then I kind of build into hey, I've got like five manuscripts, and then it just kind of blossomed into a hey, we need somebody kind of taking over our freelance editors, and um, so we're gonna create this position for you if you would like to come on and be a part of our our team.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so I've been with Ambassador for seven years.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow, that's awesome! I mean, what a fascinating story and experience you have, and I would say testimony really to God's faithfulness and goodness and provision, you know, putting you in touch with the right people at the right time and bringing these these kids to you.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, what a what a blessing.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: That is amazing.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: And each one of them, their stories are so unique in just the way God provided the lessons that he taught me through them, um, and just trusting him and uh having to lean on him because there was there was no rhyme or reason we we were, you know, a living on paycheck to paycheck.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: There was no reason that we should have been able to adopt.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um but when God calls you to do something and you what just walk through that door, He's got He's gonna take care of it.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: He's more than able to provide, and He does, yeah.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And He saw your heart, you know, that you wanted to welcome these kids who need a good home into your home.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's just amazing.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you so much for sharing your story.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: We we look forward to having you back um the next two weeks.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, next week will be talking about debunking the myths of adoption, and then um week three would be how to support foster care.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: But before we close, I just wanted to ask you a question.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what has been the most it's probably gonna be a little hard to answer, but what has been the most rewarding part of your foster care and adoption story?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: I would say the just being able to be the light of Jesus to these kids.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, even with we've had 10 foster children, and um even the shortest one we had was 24 hours.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that just having even that moment with them, that they can feel the love of Jesus, plant is gonna plant that seed in their heart that they are worth more than than just going from home to home.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: They are worth something valuable.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: And to know that there is somebody in the world who loves them, if they can feel that for even just a second, I think it can change their life.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: I agree.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, like you say, it's that seed planted, even if it was for a short time.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: So how you know, I don't know if you know stats or anything as far as how many Christians are kind of serving in the foster care system.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if they break it down by that.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but man, we need more people, more Christians in there.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: We definitely do.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's there's half a million children in the foster care system in the United States right now.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that's unacceptable.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it needs to, those to numbers need to change.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: And and if people say, Well, I can't do it because I get attached, you know, yeah, you better get attached because those kids matter and they need people who are attached to them.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Who truly care.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Katie, thank you so much for sharing your story.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I do want to note that you have a website.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I noticed you have a page that links to a long list of helpful adoption organizations.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to encourage our listeners to be sure to check that out.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that as well as your book and other resources will be in our our show notes.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but thank you so much for being on the show.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: We look forward to having you back next week to talk about debunking the myths of adoption.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to thank yes, you bet.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to thank you listeners for joining us.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure to check out the show notes for books, links, and resources we've discussed.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: And join us next week for another episode.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, have a blessed week.