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Jeb Corley - Insights and Resilience from an Air Force Dad · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Well, hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to season five, and I'm excited.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Now you've heard some recent women on the show.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: We're now going back to dudes, and this guy is the dude of all dudes for a couple reasons.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: His name is Jeb Corley and I met him through our friends at TechServe at our time in Amelia Island, where he was kind enough to come watch me speak Island where he was kind enough to come watch me speak, and then we kind of had an immediate bromance, followed by a couple of phone calls, followed by definitely have a lot in common from a mindset perspective with him and I'm excited to learn a lot more.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: But he is an Air Force veteran.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: We're going to learn about that.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: He lives in Nashville so he can probably boot, scoot and boogie.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: He's got a hell of a voice.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: He's an Illinois State Redbird and he works at a fantastic staffing company where he's the vice president of IT that serves really healthcare companies, technology companies and life science companies.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: But, more importantly, we're here to talk to Jeb the dad and how he's working hard to become the ultimate quarterback or leader of his home.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: So, without further ado, mr Corley, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: All right, thanks, casey.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Glad to be here First take.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: How about that?
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no script, no intro.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Nailed it, mike.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: You hear that bang.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: That was a mic drop in the background, mike.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: You've been doing it for five seasons, all right, dude.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: So we always talk about gratitude to start each episode.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: You know what's cool man?
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got two little girls.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: I got a nine-year-old and a six-year-old.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: My favorite pair of socks are the socks that my wife got me for Christmas with their pictures on it.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: I'm never going to wear these things.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: It's not professional enough, but I wear them everywhere I go.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: So I came back from a trip, a work trip, this week, and I got home like 9.30, 9, 945 and they're already asleep.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: And you know, for some reason I just wanted to go up there.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: And you know, I don't go up there and check in on them when I come home, like every single time, because I know they're sleeping and especially when you have little kids, you don't want to go in there, especially if they're sleeping Right and you wake them up.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: And so I still I'm still kind of scarred from doing that my manager went in there and my six-year-old is asleep.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: I just went up to her and gave her a quick kiss, said good night.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: She was asleep, but she opened her eyes a little bit looked at me.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Dad, you just love that.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: You want to just keep it right there.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: My nine-year-old the distance between six and nine is ridiculous as far as what they're exposed to and what they start talking about and their friends make and just, oh, it's not so.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I went in there and gave her a big hug and she smiled and said hey, daddy, and just you know, those little moments are are awesome.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: So very blessed and grateful for to be a dad of two little girls.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: And you know, I thought my six-year-old was reading this morning.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: She was trying to read.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: She was like like you know, I mean, your kids are older but you know, when they start reading, they kind of like they read the same book a few times, they kind of memorize some spots in it and then some spots they forget they didn't memorize and they say the wrong word.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like hey, whoa, whoa, let's sound that out, just that vulnerability and that, um, seeing your kids kind of learning something new and trying.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: You know, as a dad and you know I'm 44, I think you're, you know, you know, around that age maybe- a little bit older, uh 48, almost 48 yeah, okay, um, you know, it kind of kind of reminds you like maybe when's the last time I, you know, am I challenging myself to try to learn new things and not be good at something that we've siloed ourselves into a little bit, something small.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: But I'm very, very grateful for those little two and being able to see my six-year-old start reading a little bit.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Love it Rube.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Well, I am.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: So we are in February, nowary.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Now, first, hard to believe february, say february 1st, february 1st, shiver me timbers.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: February, february 1st, right, yeah, right, february 1st.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: There we go.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I can read everybody, just like jeb, jeb's kids.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Uh.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: So I am.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: When this episode comes out, it's going to be late, it's going to be probably march, april time frame, and so a lot's going to change.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: But what I'm grateful for this week is just a couple things.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: One, the power of when you, when you teach hard work and you help your kids see it, and so, like I get a notification.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: We have this thing called like 360, with my, my son's driving now, so I get to know where he's not like be like massive big brother, but just it just kind of takes the edge off of like hey, he's driving, I know he made it, I don't have to worry about.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Like hey, make y'all good.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: And so sometimes we're, we have the spots where that it'll notify me when he's going to the golf course.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: He arrived at meridian valley.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: I'm like, and every time I see that.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: And so yesterday I was in a meeting and I told this guy I was like, hey, I just need to.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: I might, if a couple things might hit.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I just want to.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not, I'm listening, but these notifications might come up.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: I just want to make sure about whatever he said.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: And so, and I wasn't even thinking about my son, I was thinking about something else and but I told him when it came up.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: I'm like man, I love getting this notification when my son hits rain Valley Cause, it's just like he's working his ass off.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: It's his choice, it's what he wants to do.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying for this week, jeff, we had a our my daughter plays in the high school basketball team and we had a really crazy environment.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Uh, against my, actually my former alma mater school called kentridge and my old high school football coaches came to watch my daughter play, see me and uh, it was an insane environment.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Senior night and unfortunately our team did not play super well.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: We, but we just one of those nice shots weren't falling, um, but the end of the game, there's like 55 seconds left.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: My daughter had she goes, goes a line down one and she's usually like a 80% free throw shooter, like pretty we.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Usually I'm thinking, okay, she's going to make.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Rarely does she miss one, but she first one goes in and out.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh no, now we've got pressure.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: 55 seconds left down by one, you got to make it.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: You know, steps up, boom, knocks it down, tie ball game.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Now they bring the ball up, time's gone.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: It's about like 30 seconds, 25 seconds.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: His guard tries to, tries to like go by her.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: She picks her, tips it out to her teammate.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Teammate gets it, goes around the back, throws a long lob to riley, my daughter.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Then riley goes up and finishes the lane.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: 15 seconds left, go up by two place, goes bananas.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: She sprints back.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: She goes back and, um, actually I have a little video clip.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: I'll I'll text it to you.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: It's every time I watch it I'm freaking, damn, it brings me to tears and so I'm like I'm just grateful for that, because this time is going by way too fast.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna meet my son's, gonna be out of the house in five months.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: My daughter's a sophomore.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: I can still remember her when she was your kid's age, you know, just getting out on the bike with the training wheels and being goofy.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: So anyway, I'm grateful for that.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: It's been a fun week.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: That's awesome man.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: That's really cool to be able to see that.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: My daughter, you know, kind of brings me up.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: She does gymnastics and she's gotten really into it the last couple of years.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: When your kids grow up, you kind of start seeing yourself in them a little bit and some of the good things and the bad things I was mediocre Because you did the pommel horse oh yeah, oh yeah for sure.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah and rings, rings.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: I was an alternate, alternate to the alternate to the alternate on the US Olympics team, you know, 20 years ago, but like, but, you know, but, like it's, it's.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: It's so cool for me to see her cause.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: She expects herself to like, win everything and be awesome, love it, just just like.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: And I was in and I and I had a high.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: I was pretty high on myself, you know, growing up, but I knew I was never like the best player on the team.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: I wasn't a quarterback, you know, I was always mediocre.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: I was mediocre at a lot of things.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: I wasn't great at anything, I wasn't horrible at anything, but I was middle of the pack at a lot of things.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: But like I see her and she's uh, you know she, she does a balancing and she falls off twice, you know and and uh, but like she gets, she gets back on um and those balance beams are high man, like, like, I don't know if you ever tried to do a balance beam like I've tried, like her little um little training one and my my wife dared me to go across it blindfolded to see if I could do it
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: and so I and so I ran across it trying to, trying to hurry up, and it was only up like a couple inches, but I slip and I fall into our couch and and talk about like uh, try not to hurt yourself, like I.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: I somehow, like you know, sprained my, my, my lap shoulder, something still kind of messed up, but like 44 dude, dude, right, I mean, things just hit differently, you know.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: But my wife started dying laughing and I'm still kind of messing up with it.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: But I'm just proud of seeing your kids kind of overcome some adversity.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: Now she bawled her eyes out afterwards and then like, yeah, I'm working with her on.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: You know, don't be stop being a distraction to your teammates.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Like I know you're pissed, I know you're upset and you're pissed, but like you can't be that distraction to your teammates and your coach because they all have to go now Right, but but she, you know I don't know if you have experience with this, but she she'll.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: She'll get frustrated pretty quickly but she'll recover decently quickly, you know, after she gets it out to nine years old.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: You know, like better not to keep it in?
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, and at least they, at least she cares, which is that's the fun thing Finding something igniting, something your kids love to do and, um, that's a big thing, just like anything, whether it's sales, coaching or the work you do, it's like you got to make.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: It's their idea?
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then what's their idea?
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: They'll do it, and it's up to us to find what that idea is.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Um, all right, man, well, tell me.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Tell me about the, the corley huddle, tell me a little bit more about each girl and tell me about how you and your wife met yeah, so mia is our nine-year-old.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: So she was, uh, she was born in houston, um, and then we moved here to just outside Nashville, a town called Hendersonville in Gallatin, tennessee, gosh, I guess six and a half years ago.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: Man, super, super smart, super super outgoing Like you mentioned about how you see yourself, and she's a smart aleck.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: She has fun all the time.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: It's amazing just how much more fun she has when she is confident in herself, right, and she's around, not just people she knows, but like she's never met a stranger.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: She warms up to people pretty quickly, but until she does she's a little kind of standoffish and more conscious about what she does, and even more so now that she's in fourth grade, about to be 10, like there's these, not self-confidence, but she questions herself a little bit more and cares more about stuff than she used to, which I guess that's called growing up.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: But she has a ton of fun, man, she reminds me of myself a lot, like when you know being a smart aleck and just you know, not meaning to be the life of the party, but just getting everybody engaged right.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: And then she also like when she gets upset, you know, kind of like me when I was her age too.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: You definitely know it, you know.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: And then you know, which is really cool, ella's our six-year-old man.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: She's just the sweetest six-year-old little girl.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Man Loves her dad loves her, her mom loves her friends.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Um, you know, enjoying school.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: She likes to get to school early to.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: She can't talk to her friends because you know they're sitting outside the hallway and everything, so they can't talk a whole lot.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: But she, you know, she's like saying you know, it's just, it's just, it's just so everything's new and neat for her.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: You know, uh, my wife abby.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: We met in college her last semester, my second last semester, and she went to Illinois State as well and she did, she worked for me.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: She made more money than I did when we graduated college.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, she was a really good salesperson.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: I was just trying to figure things out, but she sold, she worked at a couple of different sales places and she slayed it.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: And we moved to houston and she got into, like um insurance operations with some some large health systems and uh insurance organizations and she did a great job there.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: And but when we moved here right before, covid, like I, was traveling all the time, you know, and so something had to give, and so we made the uh decision for her to stop working and and you know, but every dad and mom will tell you like that they're never
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: not working, you know she's got the hardest job on the planet.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, and she's, you know, she, she loves it, she's great at it, you know, and it's.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: You know we give up on some things but, like, you know, being able to have that peace of mind, you know, especially if you're the one traveling and, you know, knowing that your kids aren't going to suffer because, um, you, know dad's not home and mom's got it got taken care of, you know.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: So we're very blessed and fortunate to be able to do that.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Um, that speaks to me.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: My wife, carrie, stayed home when our kids were probably four and two and then, during COVID, carrie actually went back to work.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: She works part-time now.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: It's the best.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: She actually works for a company called Clear Edge Marketing Loves it.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: It's funny.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I was actually one of my very first clients in this entrepreneurial journey.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: I had Shout out to Leslie Vickery and Jess Elliott's.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: It's fun to see like when your wife works and stays home and then kids all they see is mom's, oh, mom, just mom's always here.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: But then when she goes back to work, all of a sudden like whoa, mom's, mom's kind of so bad at marketing.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: That's pretty cool to see what she's doing.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: So it's.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: It's fun.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Like they had to challenge me to take on more of a, you know, as a.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Still I work from home for myself, but I'd still still like hey, it doesn't.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: We still got to get dishes done, that's.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: There's not a magic dishwasher, there's not a magic laundry room that just magically makes things folded.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: That's called mom was doing that stuff.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: So we're going to step up now and so it helped our kids take a big active role more.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Anyway, but that's, that's cool.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I love to love to hear you guys' story.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Take me back to what life was like growing up for you, and I'd love to learn a little bit more about that journey and what were lessons you learned from your mom and dad now that you're a father?
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you and I didn't get into this a whole lot, but I'm adopted, okay, and so I knew my mom right, so it's a different story.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: So I never knew my dad.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: I met him once when I was five.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: I have a twin brother half sister, your real dad, real dad, okay, yep, met him once when I was five.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: You know there's a lot of stories like that, right.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: So my mom, single mom, raised three kids, birthed herself through college.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: I mean, I remember jumping from apartment to apartment to finally renting a house and thinking that was the coolest thing in the world, to getting renting a bigger house.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: And then one day I was coming home from school and saw my grandfather, you know, pulling up which I didn't never, you know he didn't pull up a whole lot, you know to, at least not after school, and my mom was in the hospital and she was.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: I was beginning of her being diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: So you know, I am in fourth, maybe fifth grade, you know, and so, like you know, she, she started.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: It was a pretty aggressive disease.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: So we started bouncing from family to family in Huntsville Alabama.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: I was from, you know, I was living in Huntsville, alabama.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: I was living in Huntsville Alabama.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: I was born in California but grew up in Huntsville.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: So we started bouncing from families that could take all three of us in just while she was in the hospital and grandparents were a little bit old.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Other aunts and uncles had their own families and stuff going on.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: So I guess everybody figured this was the best thing to do.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: We probably lived with like three or four different families over a two and a half year period.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Uh, while she was kind of going in and out, we'd go back to her too, right?
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: But, um, yeah, that was that was.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: That was a rough couple years.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: And then you know, she, uh, uh, we met a family down in mobile that she decided to uh move us down there.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Uh, she said temporarily, but it was.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: She knew that she was terminal at that point to uh live a that they were the Corley family.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: My last name used to be Demaribus.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: So when I was 11, almost 12, we moved down to Mobile and started living with this family that had two kids of their own, one on the way, and they'd end up having another kid on the way again, so they'd have four kids of their own and she died when I was 1992.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: So right after I turned 12.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: And so then we just, you know, six months later we were not the Maribus anymore, we're Corliss, we're adopted by them.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: And you know, positives were they kept three of us together and negatives, like you know, I'm not sure if they really understood what they were getting themselves into and who does.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: Really.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: So peaks and valleys of of of growing up in a, you know, as a I want to say a foster family, because we called them, we learned to call them mom and dad and stuff like that.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: So we kind of assimilated pretty quickly, but it was uh, it was different.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: So we grew up with like up with seven kids in the household.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Tell me about those relationships.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: They're good.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: I left when I was in the military.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: Growing up together.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: It was fine.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: I think everybody's trying to figure out how to with their oldest kids.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: It was a little bit trying to figure out you know, you think about the dynamics of kids, and if you're the oldest, so you're in second or third grade, then all of a sudden you have older siblings.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: It's a, it's a different dynamic, right?
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: I think it just changes the, the, the, the household.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: If you want to, if you really want to overthink it?
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: it could, it could change, but it does change the complex of the household a little bit, right.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: If you really want to overthink it, it could change, but it does change the complex of the household a little bit, right.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: But we had good relationships growing up with, with, with their kids we're, we're.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: We still have good relationships with, with the four foster siblings.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: You know, I left, though, at 18 to go in the military, and then I was gone Right.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: So it was, you know.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: I was there for six years five and a half six years, then, uh, and then you know, you know kind of took off how much of that environment um propelled you to go in the military, or is that something you always wanted to do?
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: it was not something I always wanted to do.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: I actually like remember like talking to my mom and never wanted to go in the military when she was alive, right, because because that generation was went through the Vietnam draftees, right, you know.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: And so she said I was born in 80.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: You know, you know a lot of those, you know she would have a lot of her classmates went over to Vietnam, right, so she had very strong views on it and stuff like that.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: So she would talk through some of that stuff even as a young kid.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: I just remember those conversations, you know.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: But I think for me, like my grandparents were very Catholic, you know, the family that adopted us were Catholic and I think, that was that you know, my mom really wasn't super spiritual or Catholic.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: I mean, we went to a lot of different churches but it wasn't like super, super focused, you know.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: So I think my grandparents wanted to make sure that.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: You know, they love the fact that they were Catholic.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: So I went to Catholic schools, you know, but like Catholic schools, my foster dad was a postman.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: You know, my foster mom didn't go to work or didn't work.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: She was a post.
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: She worked for the post office as well.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: Then she, then she quit, didn't go to work or didn't work.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: She was opposed to work to the post office as well, and then she, then she quit.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: So so we were like one of those.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm not sure if you've ever read Malcolm Gladwell's David and Goliath, but it's super.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: But he talked.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: One of the things he talks about are, you know, big fish in small ponds and small fish in in really big ponds, and and how?
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: Um, I went to a private school, but I was a.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: I was one of the poorest kids in the in the private school.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: So, boohoo, you know, you know complain about being in a private school, but it would have been better off, I think, if we were going to public um, just from like, like being able to, you know, be able to afford, you know, somewhat, somewhat, you know similarities right back then.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: Anyway, you know some some.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: You know similarities right Back then.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: Anyway, now I think it was, it was good I was able to kind of go through some university stuff like that.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: But me wanting to go in the military was because I don't want to be a poor kid in college.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: I don't think I didn't think I was, I was uh, I don't know how I was going to pay for it, but I also didn't want to be the uh, I don't think I was mature enough yet and I was kind of self-aware where I was like, hey, you know what I want to get out of here.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: I want to depend on myself, I want to see the world wherever I can see, you know, and kind of play it from there.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: Now are your grandparents still with us.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: My grandmother is.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: My grandfather passed away, but yeah my grandmother is still here and do you still have a relationship with her?
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, here.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: And do you still have a relationship with her?
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, that's cool, and that's your mom's mom.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Well, so my mom's mom died, so like, uh, so this is my step grandmother, but they got her.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: My grandfather got married when I was like five years old, so she's the only person, she's the only one I remember okay, now your maternal mom.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: How did they know the corleys?
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: she didn't.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: She had a friend of hers in Mobile that lived on who would be my foster dad's post office route, and he was.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: He was a pretty personable dude, so you get to know a lot of people on this route, and so he heard about us and he's like, hey, I'd be interested in talking to them.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: So she got connected that way to them and, like when her cancer went into remission, I remember, remember she always wanted to take us on a Disney trip.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: We drove from Huntsville, alabama, down to Disney in 1982 Oldsmobile station wagon, the Dolphin Inn or something like that.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: It wasn't on resort but it was a super cool deal.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: It wasn't on resort, but it was a super cool deal.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: On the way down there.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: We stopped outside of Atlanta, in Macon, georgia.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Someone interviewed, stayed with the family for a couple of days, interviewed them to take us in.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: They were willing to take all three of us in.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: They also house other foster kids.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: We went to Disney World, came back on the way back up we stopped in Mobile to meet the Corleys and so that was like there's two reasons for the trip Meet families that could take us in if she you know, if her leukemia came back, so she could focus, and then, in case she died, like who's going to take care of the kids?
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: I think about that man, like it'd be cool to have a conversation with her.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: I don't, I don't, I don't dwell on that.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: It'd be cool to one.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: You're a dad, I'm a dad Just trying to figure out, trying to make the best decision you can, because you're going to take your kids when you pass away yeah man, I can't even imagine that that's like my biggest fear.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Mine too I've had.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I've had three, four buddies lose their wives before the age of 40.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: You know, um, it's mind-blowing stuff, right.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: And um, my wife's had some health scares like she had a cancer scare in her 30s that went away.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: She's had a couple other like random stuff kind of scare, and then sometimes I think to my mind like you know, oh, my god, is this like all the stuff you've seen me my buddies go through and I had to go through.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I was like strong for them, did that like kind of prep me for when I have to go through it?
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: So I started playing the mind tricks myself and then, fortunately, I think I shared with you it was what document?
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Well, it's been documented on this podcast, like probably came out in.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Well, this will come out in March, april, like three months ago where I talked about my wife's unfortunate injury from her vaccine and that was scary.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: I mean multiple ER trips and you know I was somebody you know you could, I don't know you could have that, and so we learned all about that and so, like I feel, like you know, losing a parent as a child is, you know, fearful and but it's interesting, jeb.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: There's so many people I've talked to and dads who grow up without a dad or grow up with you know a little bit of adversity.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: This is not.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: I would say that this is you're on uncommon path so far, but you've figured it out, and so I'm always inspired by people like yourself who've, like you, didn't have the normal quote, unquote, which there's no such thing as normal, but a normal mom and dad.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: You eventually did through the foster, but, like you, ever think back like what, what?
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: What lessons did you learn through that that you now apply in your life every day, like work life and also your everyday dad life.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's a good question.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: I don't think it's, you know.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: I think it's easy to feel sorry for yourself because everybody is not.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: I think it.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: I think it's easy to feel sorry for yourself, right?
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: You know, um, especially that young, I think one of the things that helped me kind of give some perspective to it, cause I thought I had it tough but I never wanted anybody's like um, uh, I had it tough but I never wanted anybody's like um, uh, sympathy.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: You know, um, you know, even even back then I didn't, I didn't, you know I don't do all the you know I'm sorry and stuff like that.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: You know I didn't know that there's other people going through worse stuff, but I figured there was.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: But then I went into the air force and went to basic training, thinking that I had it somewhat different and somewhat tough.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: And again, perspective is a heck of a thing, man, you know it's, it's.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: I'm listening to these dudes who, who you know are, are from, you know, all over the country, had all sorts of different experiences and that sort of thing, and this would this would come up later on in my life too coming back from Afghanistan and Iraq.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: But man, I was just like man, I, I there's always somebody's stories and source in yours, you know I had a tougher than yours, right.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: And then, at what point are you going to?
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: You know, sympathy never got, never bought anything for anybody.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: I mean, maybe you might get something here and there.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: But like, if you just dwell on bad things that happened to you, then it might as well, you know, you know in in my mom's case, or in you know later what happened in Afghanistan, then it might as well have been me that died.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: Right, if I'm just going to sit back and just feel like sorry for myself and not do anything and start wasting myself away, then why am I still even alive, you know?
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: and that kind of perspective, I think kind of is, is what I look back on.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Look back on now, what I hope to be able to share with my kids at some point, because every parent wants to let their kids have it better than they did, but how much better.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: How much better.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: So they don't take it for granted it's easy to swing the pendulum all the way to the other side and just give them anything they want and just hug them every single day Like you want this.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: You got it, babe.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: You know it's easy to swing the pendulum all the way to the other side and just give them anything they want and, just, you know, hug them every single day Like you want this.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: You got it, babe.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: You know it's here, here, here, here here.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: If you have the ability to be able to do it, or do it more than you, or you were like you had when you grew up.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: That's not.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: You don't want to raise school kids either.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: No, no, but what is that?
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what is that what you know?
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: What is that balance?
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Well, it is a fine.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: It's such a fine line I think it's, it's, it's able.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: You can give them certain things, but you gotta been just the the the constant check-ins and reminders of do you think this stuff showed up for free?
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: How'd we get it?
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: I don't have magic either.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: So this and you don't just water stuff in the ground that just magically produces a boat or magically produces a vacation, yeah, like someone worked their ass off for that kids and so it's, it is a fine line, and you don't want to make them feel guilty, but you want to make them feel appreciative yeah, at what point right?
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: does there's a nine-year-old and a six-year-old?
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: Really understand at that point, you know, or like, when do you start buckling down?
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: I think right now.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of parents will tell you like, hey, you kind of, it kind of just starts happening.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: You know I think we're kind of there with our nine-year-old but she's about to be 10.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: And you know it's not a bad kid by any means, but she's starting to, you know, show different behaviors and different influences and exposures.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: That you know it's going to be some time.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: That has some conversations.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: How do you you said sympathy, but you also didn't think of empathy.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: So how do you what those are?
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Like you don't want to feel sorry for yourself, but you but I think it's okay to have empathy Like what you went through is challenging, absolutely, absolutely.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: So that's the what's I mean.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: I could see that as you get older, as your dad, as you get older and continue to have your kids get older, like having sympathy for difficult times and maybe not realize, not like no, I'm not saying you'd ever do this, but like I can, I put my own, I put my tramp on myself and your shoes.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: Like do you know what?
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: Like one day you snapped, you know I went through, I lost my mom at 12.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I went through, I lost my mom at 12.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: And like accidentally snapping, but like so how do you?
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: You ever think through that?
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: Like the difference between sympathy and empathy and how that will help you or hurt you as a dad Dude.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: All the time, man, like, like, and even I mean you were in staffing, I'm in staffing, you know and and uh, and one of the things I learned recruiting and coming up through the business is you know, again, you're interviewing somebody, you're talking to somebody who maybe should have gone left and they should have gone right.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: Not for me to judge, or, and maybe I feel sorry for that they're interviewing for a job that you know I wish they could be doing more for, right, you know, but sympathy doesn't do anything for them.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: Empathy does so if they're interviewing for a job that's paying them $15, $20 an hour, whatever, it is right, you know, um, and they figured out how to make a living and make their life work on that salary and for me to be able to put myself in their shoes and be able to say, okay, if I can qualify you for something better, I absolutely will, but if I can't, like, I need to find you a job as that you're qualified for, that you can make this money that you're used to supporting your family on as soon as possible.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: Right, but sympathy is never not going to.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: You know, push me to do that.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Empathy will right, uh, for me anyway.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Um, so, putting myself in their shoes, um, and I really hope I don't.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: You know, I haven't done it yet.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: At least I don't think I'm just popping off and saying you know what I had to go through.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: Um, you know I haven't done it yet.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: At least I don't think I'm just popping off and saying you know what I had to go through?
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Um, you know, at least not popping off but trying to explain, you know you know that's.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: You know you know that stuff and just how good you know.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: You know my kids have it or or or we have it.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: You know, and um.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: So I haven't haven't popped off quite yet, but I think about sympathy and empathy all the time.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: Empathy, I want myself in their shoes.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Sympathy, I want to.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: I'm going to feel sorry for you.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: And then, and then.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: I'll.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: I won't see you.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: We'll see you later.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: See you later, man.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: I hope they get it figured out, you know, and you know as opposed to like man, is there something?
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: okay, I'm, you know, I'm tangible for him.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's, it's hard.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Well, as you're saying that you made me think of a.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: Uh, there's a great basketball coach.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: He used to coach washington state.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: He now coaches at university of virginia.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I'm paraphrasing his quote.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: But he said adversity is life's golden ticket.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: No, it's only tony benham, the only only, but I believe, the only 16 seed ever.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: He was the one seed only first time ever lose to a 16 seed NCAA tournament next year.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: They want it and so he said it's adversity is life's golden ticket.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: So to your point about like that adversity you went through gave you grit, resilience, to become what to do well in the military, to do well in business, to do well as a dad.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: You know, I went, I've been through nothing like that.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: But I've been through nothing like that.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: But I've been through a really bad injury in high school that impacted where I went to college.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I've been through adversity in business, but I'm a.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: I'm a such a optimist of, not an almost like a naive optimist sometimes where it's like, yeah, we have, we have to struggle, because that's where the learning is, yeah, as hard as it is.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: And I think, as a as a dad, you know, when we see our kids struggle or fail, like that's challenging, yeah, but that's how we learned.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: And then, how are they going to?
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: How are they going to?
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: react, you know, and sometimes you want to sit, sometimes you want to tell them how to react, like you should, you should, no, go back, you should do this.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: And sometimes, like it's interesting for me I'm just maybe just this past saturday or sunday, when, when my nine-year-old had her gymnastics, like I take a step back and I want to see how she's going to react, you know, and then give her, you know, coaching points and parental points after the fact.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: So, cause we were trying to get through to anybody when they're upset or emotional, they're not going to remember anything you know, like you know.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: so hold back, so you don't water it.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: So I try to hold my trying to I'm not very good at it yet, but trying to hold back any type of like feedback and coaching and parental advice in that moment so that, like I'm not watering it down, so I can follow back up with her the next day or two, you know well, I learned that I'm almost 48.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: I'll be 48 in this episode comes out, but at age 41.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: I've always been curious, yeah, but I learned the power of curiosity at 41 and now curiosity drives my life yeah uh, it's life, it's one of my superpowers.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: I'm finding it is it?
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: It solves most problems in life?
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: Because and I use not only do I use it my professional life, but I also use it my dad life, and so I'm finding that, like when I want to coach my kids or tell my kids things, if I tell them that's my idea, yeah, anything you want to make it their idea?
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've been, I've found this works for me.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: So it's like sometimes I try to ask questions and If I tell them that's my idea, anything you want to make it their idea?
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've found this works for me.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: So it's like sometimes I try to ask questions and meet them where they are to help them figure out the emotion I'm seeing in them, but I want them to say it out loud.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: So it's them, you know.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: So then they have to sit in it a little bit and it's like oh, you know, like well, let's like, for example, one of my, let's say my daughter, had a bad body language in a basketball game, which rarely happens, but let's say she did.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say hey, tell me how your body language was today.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I said well, tell me what you think, uh, not that good.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, tell me how your coach, if she, if your coach saw that, how'd she?
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not trying to kick her when she's down, but I wanted to struggle a little bit mentally because that's how I'm and for us, knock on wood, it's worked, it's building resilience.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: It's like I mean I've seen my son he's a really good high school golfer, you know, playing college, but he's had some just disastrous rounds, just like we all have golf's a freaking hard game.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: But I've seen him have some doozies where, as a golf parent, I'm like, oh, my god, this is so hard to watch.
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: I can't.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: You can't go talk to him, can you?
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: He's got to figure it out.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, at the end you give him a hug, you tell you love him, but then you try to figure out a way to get through it.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: But like those struggles, whether it's off the balance beam, you know you on the pommel horse and the rings, which you were still a fantastic gymnast, all the research I've done on you Heavy sarcasm, everybody, it's not true.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: But there's no manual for this stuff, man, and I think it's conversations like these dads at home that you don't need a podcast to have, conversations like Jeb and I are having.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: So I appreciate you leading me in and sharing all this stuff.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: I guess the question I have is how close are you still to your I guess foster parents and foster family?
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: I'm not.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: It's probably been eight years since I had a meaningful relationship or conversation.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: I take that back.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: You said you started getting curious at 41.
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: I think I've always had a curious mind in different areas.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: When I turned 40, I started looking up at the sky.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: I go to the gym.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: You haven't asked me if I crossfit, know if I crossfit.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: But I mean, how do you know somebody crossfit?
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: Crossfit bro, we're crossfit bro.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just give them a minute, they'll tell you.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: But like I would go to the gym at five o'clock in the morning and I started looking up after like 39 or 40, right, and you know what.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: You know, we talked about this a little bit, you know.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: You know in the past, but I was never super.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: I went to church because made me feel good, but then I started just wondering, like man, this thing didn't happen out of out of just thin air.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: Right, there's got to be a reason why there's an earth, there's a universe, there's planets, there's stars.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: Like how did all this stuff start, you know, and and and the only thing I could kind of come back to was you you know God, you know Jesus and religion.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: So I started, like, I found a Bible study and I started, you know, trying to read on that, trying to make this an evangelical thing.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: But it started out of curiosity, right.
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: And so one of the things that I learned, you know, since you brought it up last time, I'd talked to him in years, right?
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: No-transcript.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: I'm not a negative person.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: For the most part I look at different angles.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: I think we're pretty.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: You know, the voted most optimistic, my high school class, whatevs, you know most outgoing too.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: So it was a double winner.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: But like, um, so I called.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: I remember coming back from a hunting trip, uh, and I was a novice hunter as well, not not good, although this year I was pretty good, but like I'm very novice on it, I come back from a hunting trip and I was like you know what I need to call?
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: I need to call, you know, my foster dad.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: You know I hadn't talked to him in seven, six, seven years at least, maybe, maybe even longer man, maybe I'd been eight or nine.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: So I called up his cell phone and he answers.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: The first ring.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: First ring is hello, and I'm like, uh, hey, jimmy, it's Jeb, uh, your foster son.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: He goes oh, oh, hey, and so it was an opportunity for me.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: And you talk about gratitude and stuff and stuff.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: Right, you know, it was an opportunity for me to kind of like cause.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: I shot him an email before and never heard back from them.
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: You know, apologize a year before and it kept.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: They kept, like you know, gnawing at me that I couldn't get closure on it.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: So I, uh, I called him and I apologize for anything that I put them through, you know, growing up, and I want to let them know that I forgive him and uh and her for the stuff they put me through, you know, and not wanting to judge, but you know, maybe they, you know they have an opportunity to be able to kind of close the gap on some of the maybe apologies they owe other people as well.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: So it was a good conversation, you know.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: I told him hey, you know, this is my cell number Hasn't changed in 20 years.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: You know, give me a shot anytime.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: I'm not and this isn't me painting them into a negative picture, but, like you know, having her back, I haven't reached back out, right, but like it is where you know if I'm asking for forgiveness whenever I die, you know, I want to make sure that you know God, it's on the record that I'm forgiven where I need to forgive, you know, hopefully, and um, and I tell you what I mean the the baggage that was lifted off my shoulders was was tremendous.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: So like, if there's anything out there there's any toads or anything like that that that people are carrying with them, and man forgiveness is such an amazing remedy, man.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Have you read the book called forgiveness by rich case?
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: No, what's it called?
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: I think it's called forgiveness by Richard case, I believe.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Um double, we can double check that.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: But I actually I learned about the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: Forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two, and so so often forgiveness, if we don't forgive it, it just erodes us.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: Good grief, man, I'm sorry about that.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: And we're the ones that it holds.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: It holds us, us it's.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: It just erodes us.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: Because then when we don't forgive people, we then assume the negative, we assume the worst, we assume that, oh, that person doing this, that, when they're not, it's in our own mind.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we forgive them, even if it just gets it out.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Doesn't mean we need to go be best friends with your stepdad, but you forgive and it's like that negativity goes out.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: Now reconciliation takes him saying, man, jeff, I'm really sorry too and I'd love to stay in touch.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: And if they don't, that's what, that's their choice.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: But forgiveness is a you're right a powerful thing and I mean, I think as dads, we can forgive ourselves, we can forgive our kids.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: They're not waking up thinking, man, I hope I'm the biggest prick to my dad, hope I'm the biggest if my, if our wives or partner or whatever just frustrates us us.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: They're not waking up thinking that we gotta get that out, we gotta give grace, we gotta give.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: So I love you brought forgiveness, dude.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: That's awesome yeah, man, no for for sure.
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: So it's been, it's been, uh, it's been really good and and siblings do you have much relationship with?
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: them.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: I mean we we do.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: But again, I went to, I went to the military straight at a high school.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: So you know we stay in touch.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: But like we're all spread out too, you know I lived in North Carolina, germany, illinois, texas.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: Now you know Tennessee and my brother's the closest he lives two and a half hours south, so we've seen them more since we moved out of Houston, you know.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: But, um, relative touch is where I would say it's nothing wrong, nothing negative, it's just, you know, kind of grew apart.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: You know I was, I was, I was busy for a lot of the 2000s you know, and that's not just me, but you know, you know, other folks were busy too.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: But um, not a negative relationship, just not as not super, super, super, super close or tight.
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of like me and my sister.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: My sister don't.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: We aren't, we're not super close.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: Um, for a lot, a lot of reasons, um and uh, yeah, you come to grow apart.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: It's like I, that's the one thing we did early.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: We just didn't allow our kids to be pricks to each other and hold each other.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: It's like, and you know, to each his own.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: Some families would say, well, they're brother and sister, that's normal.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: Let them argue.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like I disagree.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: If, if I let my son be an asshole to his sister in the home, how's he gonna know the difference between being an asshole outside the home?
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and so we, I just lived, we've lived our whole life by the golden rule and treat people the way you want to be treated and like God says, you know, I think it's not super.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: Um, I'm spiritual.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: I don't go to church, but I think, like this is my version of church right now talking about you know, um, do unto others as you would to yourself, know, and so, like I think when you and I first met in florida, it's like, got the power of being nice and bringing positive energy will never be replaced by chat, gpt, never be replaced by ai.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: It's like that's.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: So let's start there in the home and um, how, um.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: I'm just inspired by your story, dude, and I and I love when we go into these conversations.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: Everybody is listeners on quarterbackcast.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: There is no script, and Jeb is proof that.
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: I showed him a blank piece of paper.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: Now I got a full page of notes.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: But as you think about what's going to be most importantly in your family, you and Abby, as you think about core values that she's learned or you've learned that are really going to guide your, me and Ella, tell me what comes to mind.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: I think, being appreciative, you know, from, from uh, like we don't really have core values, but one of the things that you know, we, we, we sit in in uh and we pray before dinner, right, and something that started probably a year ago, you know, just to be able to kind of be more of a more intentional about some of that stuff and we, but before we, pray.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: We go around saying hey what are you thankful for?
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: what are you great?
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: What do you similar?
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: How you start your podcast right you know, you know uh, you know what are you grateful for?
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: And and, uh, you know, it's great to hear from you know, innocents, you know on on what they're grateful for, and sometimes they, you know they'll say I don't have anything if they're in a bad mood, if they got in trouble.
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like what do you mean?
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: yeah, you got clothes yeah, I mean like like this, this you guys are doing pretty well you know, like so, but if you don't think you are, then maybe we can just, you know, take some of the stuff away and you know, make sure you know, we are appreciative of it, you know.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: But, um, I think that just being able to understand, I think when they get older it'll be.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: It'll be more, not more, fun, but I'll be able to teach more realistic scenarios with them on they'll be able to really understand.
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: Just, you know how good they have it right now as opposed to not just me, but like you know, you know they go to public.
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: I mean you know they go to public schools.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: You mean you know they go to public schools.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: You know we don't live in a bad area, we don't live in the in the creme de la creme either, you know like we're not.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: You know you know the biggest house on the block, but they get to see, you know, some diversity.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: You know going to, going to a public school and.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: But they don't understand that right now they don't understand that right now they don't understand that some people don't have what they have and and you know so that.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: So it'll be good once they get to that.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: And my oldest is kind of getting there, but it'll be good to be able to, to go through those, those conversations with them for sure.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: So if you're open to an idea that I've learned from another dad on this journey that we've applied, that's been fantastic.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, um, it's a great dinnertime exercise.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: For those who have not listened to this, I would.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: It's a great funding to do and we did it when we did it early during COVID.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: So that would have been.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: My son was like would have been.
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: They would have been like eight and sixth grade whatever.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: So a few years ago, um, so dinner table, you go around.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: Each person says one thing.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: They're one thing.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: They're grateful for every member of the family.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: So I'm grateful.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: So Mia goes around, I'm grateful for Ella because of this, I'm grateful for daddy because this and I'm grateful for mommy because this.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: And then they have to say one thing they're grateful about themselves or they appreciate about themselves and everybody.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: And it's kind of interesting to see, like, what everybody says.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: But, like I remember, like my daughter was saying dad, I love that you always make me laugh, or I love that you go out and rebound for me, or dad, I appreciate you always like to go play golf with me, and and then also teaches them to be like we all have gifts.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: Every single one of us has a gift.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: Whether you believe it or not, we all do and celebrate that.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: Celebrate your authentic self.
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: And um, it was kind of a fun exercise that I got from their dad and it was like holy that was, it was a really.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: It ended up being this like really great family dinner and you know funny when you're saying that every morning when I do my gratitude journal, I write down the very first line every day God thanks for waking me up today.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: Great.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: Hey, I don't know what's going to happen, but I got a chance to do something cool, something positive.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and to your point, even about, like you know, your wife's health and and some other like, like, health is not something we appreciate until we don't have it, you know, and and and sometimes it's one of those empty gratifications but kind of like man, thank you for my health, you know.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: But when you're healthy it's just kind of like man, thank you for my health, you know.
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: But when you're healthy it's just kind of like something you're supposed to say you know, it's bad, I'm healthy, you know.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: Or if you're pregnant, you know, and you or uh, you're asking hey, what are you having?
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: I just want to make sure it's it's, it's, you know, it's healthy, you know, you know where we have it on care, I want to make sure it's healthy, you know, and sometimes I like you know, sometimes we mean it, but sometimes it's also just something we say until until it's not you know, and then it's like I don't have my health now, now, now, now, that takes precedent over everything else, and we talked about perspective earlier, you know, and perspective is a heck of a thing, you know.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: You know me, me going to the Air Force thing that I had.
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: It's somewhat rough, and then hearing all these other dudes stories.
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: Or you know, you know me going through some things in Afghanistan or Iraq that I thought were tough.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: And then, you know, talk to other veterans, you know, and it's just like man.
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: You know, everybody has experiences, positive and negative.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: You know, let me hear about yours.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: You know, and a lot of people don't like asking questions because they, some people think that they sound stupid.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: And I've gotten into biographies lately, dude and um, I've gotten, uh, I read this biography on, uh, ben franklin and I'm reading one on leonardo da vinci right now and I got one on einstein.
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: But the three like commonalities on all of them were just how curious.
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: They all were like like leonardo da vinci would write notes, like like they have like 17 000 of his journals, like they we know a lot about leonardo da vinci, apparently and like he, there's notes in his journal.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: It says, like new engineer arrived in milan, go talk to him.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: New artists arrived asking about his brushstrokes, you know, or, or whatever, right, and just how like, how methodical.
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: And you know they were about asking questions that Ben Franklin just you know.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: I know way too much about Ben Franklin right now, but, like you know, he asked a ton of great questions Like that's, that's, that was absolutely their superpower.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: It's funny about curiosity.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: We Socrates super curious, michael Lanswell super curious.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: Michael answell super curious.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: Walt disney super curious, yeah, yet we still feel like we're trying to do it a different way.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the the success leaves clues everybody why do you?
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: why do you think they were?
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: I, I think I have an idea, but why do you think they were okay with being that curious?
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: I just think they were humble enough to know they don't have all the answers.
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was going to say confident, but.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: But humble is the way.
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: Better as way, but, like you know, confidently, humble or humbly confident, you know, you know to, to, to know that they don't know all the answers, yeah for sure.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, uncle Rico moment, which is whenever I, whenever I talk about college football, I got to give love to uncle Rico from the plane dynamite Coach Bo Baldwin shout out to coach B, he's to say case If you're.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: Yet whenever you got to tell me how good you were that game, you're not that good when you're great, I'll tell you.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: When I'd go on stage at K-Force to speak at our company awards trip, dave Dunkel would say man, you had a better year this year than you did last year, yet you're more humble.
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: That drove me.
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: It's like this constant mining, like there's, there's someone, but like, just like you said, in perspective of the negative side, there's always someone has it worse.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: Well, there's always someone that has it better.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: So I want to, I want to go find out how they did it, why they did it.
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: You know that.
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: That, that feeling when I'm like the weakest in the weight room or the slowest in the track, that inspires me, like someone is out there doing something great and awesome and cool and like, let's not.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: You want to be in this copycat mode, but hey, if there's a better way to.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: You know, ask a better question here.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: Have a better meeting there.
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: Be a better dad here be a better husband there.
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: Why wouldn't I want to do it?
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: So true, dude, so true, you know?
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: Um, okay, tell me really.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: Now I'm curious.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: I want to make sure we give love because thank you for your service, my man, I appreciate you about doing that.
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: I know many people do as well and I've interviewed a lot of veterans.
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: One of my favorite veterans former guy used to work with him.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: Um, verge palumbo.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, verge, fantastic he's.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: I always liked.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: I mean I'd say this is a little bit sarcasm, but also out of massive respect.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: He was like legit rambo, like legit rambo and he's just a great dude.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: And we had um many stories that we used to talk about.
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: Not about that because it's out of respect, but like I googled him one day and I learned about him like holy cow, this guy's a badass we talk about.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: Not about that because it's out of respect, but like I Googled him one day and I learned about him.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like holy cow, this guy's a badass.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: We talk about books and football, but tell me, what did you do in the Air Force?
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I was blessed to be a TACPJTAC in the Air Force, which I went in open general expecting to be a cop and they couldn't recruit for it in 1998 1998 when I when I joined and so you had to try out for it and again, I wasn't the fastest or anything, I think.
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: I think my superpower for me was just being able to connect to people and being somewhat well-liked and you know, you know, explain how how much I'm going to work my tail off and do great things, and so I got selected to go for it and essentially what it is it's back Vietnam, the Air Force decided to have Air Force people control 30 million, 40 million dollar Air Force jets, and so I was in the Air Force but I was stationed with the Army.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: So it was, it was cool because I mean, talk about like being that liaison kind of kind of thing.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: I mean when you go in the Air Force you get made fun of sometimes because like, oh, you guys just got the nice bases, you guys just hang out.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: I'm like yeah, most of them.
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: You know it's, it is nice bases.
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: I mean in the air force.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: You know it is a different type of warfighter.
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: You know most of the warfighters are the pilots, right, and the most of the enlisted folks are the, are the support personnel.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: But you got got some, you know battlefield airmen that tack p and you know shout out to the pararescuemen, the combat controllers, the combat weather um.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: You know, and and tack p, that um, that are kind of the folks kind of doing some of the stuff on the battlefield.
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: So it was.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: It was cool.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: I learned how to jump out of planes, blow up a lot of stuff, shoot a lot of guns.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: It was every 18, 19, 20 year old's dream man, man you know, until until 9-11 happened.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: And then, and then you realize, well, wow, this is going to get real.
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: You know, real, real, real quick.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: You know, and so you know I, you know when I, when I get to share about like the first three years, as opposed to you know, the last, I was in for 10 and a half years.
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: You know it's it's different.
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: First three and a half years, you know it's it's different.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: First three and a half years were were, you know, not easy, but they were gaming.
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, it was you were training for for a war that we weren't at, yeah, we didn't have.
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: And then towers came down and my ncic's are a big sergeant of our, of our small unit in germany, you know it was afternoon for us, and he turned the tv down and said go home.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: We saw the second tower TV down and said go home.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: We saw the second tower come down and I was like go home, don't come in tomorrow, because if you don't think we're going to war over this shit, you're dead wrong.
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: And I was like I said, but it's, it's Tuesday night, it's two for two at the Rock Fabrique.
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: You know, like, like, like, I'm not ready to go to war.
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: You know like it was.
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: It was super surreal.
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: Wow, did I never realize?
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: Man, I better get my mind right and start training and everything I can if I'm gonna go to war, I better.
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: Did you actually like?
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: battlefield stuff yeah, so I did afghanistan for most of 03.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, um, we were attached to I didn't go through the q course, but we're attached with green bray, oda teams, you know, and so I mean we got spun up.
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: I mean it's not a, you know, going through Tech P training is, I mean it's intense stuff.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: I wonder.
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: It's not buds though, right, you know it's not that stuff.
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: But I mean you're doing some qualification type stuff, qualification type stuff.
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: But uh, yeah, I served nine months in afghanistan, you know, and uh came back, started school and served, you know, a little over three months short tour in iraq, came back and graduated and, um, you know, started, uh, started this job at medics.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: Wow, I'll tell you, I'll tell you a quick story on that.
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: Just, I know we're running out of time, but I always want to give a shout out to somebody who didn't make it home.
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: My roommate in training his name was Jake Frazier, f-r-a-z-i-e-r.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: Illinois Air National Guard, doing the same job, right, just, you know, in the guard aspect of things.
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: So he convinced me to leave Germany.
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: When my time was up, I got stopped off, meaning you can't leave.
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: You know, your career field is something they need to make sure they don't need more of you know here soon.
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: So they won't let you, you know, get out.
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: So I got stopped off for a couple of months, got out and did what they call palace fronting to the guard, cause he was like dude, if you're going to team, you know our units, you know shit hot, you know, you know it'd be good.
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: So anyway, I joined the guard and two weeks later I got called up to go to Afghanistan with Jake, so there's 16 of us that went over there and I remember being at a Portillo's in like Naperville, outside of Chicago, and we're talking about we're about to leave.
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: It's like December timeframe maybe.
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: I mean we left in early January and we're talking about like we're, you know, naive dudes talking about like man you know, at first it was like I'm not scared.
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: You're scared.
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: Now, dude, can we go there?
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: Just slay it, because we're still reeling from being attacked.
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: It was a year and a half later, but we're still getting payback.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: And we see this.
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: And then we start talking about how are we going to react in combat?
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: What are things going to be like out there?
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: Am I going to perform well, start being a little vulnerable about it.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: And then we saw this dude walk in.
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: Who?
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: Who was, um, I don't know the correct word, but I mean he was.
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: He was, uh, disabled, um, you know, and uh, he was about our age, walking in, you know, couldn't walk straight.
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: We both look at him, we look, we look at each other and we both said at same time man, at least we get the opportunity to go overseas and get paid back and defend our country right and you know fast forward.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: you know three and a half months he's dead.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: Jake, yeah, jake was killed.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: We're in the same fire base, two of us, everybody got split up when we got country.
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: We go to the same fire base in a town called Goreshk, which if you have military members here in Afghanistan, it's, you know, in Helmand Province, north of Lashkar Gah, south of Sangin.
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: Sangin became a really bad place and Jake was one of the first victims, of safe victims.
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: Like, I mean, they got ambushed, you know, sucker punched, I mean they did it well, him and another dude were, uh, you know orlando morales.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: You know had a one-year-old at home, you know, uh, and so, like you know, you bring that stuff up and you know I spent the next seven months just trying to get payback.
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: Um, but in this podcast, you know, I want to make sure, just to you know, bring Jake's name up, right, because Rest in peace Jake.
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, man, and Orlando as well.
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: And you know you hear about freedom's not free and it's been, you know almost 21 years you know, but I still remember it like it was yesterday.
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: You know, and to your point, though, right Perspective's a hell of a thing.
• 57:06
  Speaker 2: You know, you know.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: And to your point, though, right perspective is a hell of a thing, you know, you know it's it's.
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: You know you talk to.
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: You know that's intense moments, never a moment where I thought I was like well, this is it.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: Um, there's plenty of guys who had that moment plenty of times over there, right you know, and then being able to come back here and try to pick up the pieces and become a you know, a productive member of society.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: You know it's kind of like, but nobody would know that you could walk down with somebody, meet somebody and have no idea that they did three tours in Afghanistan and Iraq, you know, and trying to figure out how to do this whole civilian world, this civilian life, you know.
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: I think I can't remember if I asked you this when we first met.
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: Have you heard of the name Anthony Anderson?
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: You mean the actor?
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: Well, he, no, he's on a documentary.
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: He's a veteran.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: No, anthony, anthony Anderson, there's a documentary.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: I think it's called project sunrise.
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: I need to double check that, but I think it's called.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: I interviewed him in season two or three.
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: I met he is.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: It's.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: It's um talks about the challenges of, of of um PTSD people coming like veterans coming back, and how real it is and how they're working to bring awareness and um speaking.
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: And he so he did this walk from like Wisconsin to LA, him and his, his fellow military brother, and they raised money to walk.
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: It's so powerful, dude, anthony Anderson, he has beard oil.
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: I know you don't have a beard, but I do.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: I've used his beard oil sometimes and all the a lot of the proceeds go to support veterans.
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, so well, dude man, thank you for sharing.
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: As we wrap up here, a couple last questions.
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: How, if we were to summarize, kind of like in maybe two or three actionable tasks, that dads can take themes from what you and I've talked about today, jeb, that they can apply their own life to be a better version of themselves a dad, a husband, a father coworker, whatever it may be.
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: Tell me two or three things that come to mind.
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: I think from a uh effort.
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: I've heard this on your podcast as well, but it's so hard to sometimes set to enact.
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: But everybody's jobs.
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: Life is stressful sometimes.
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: And it's easy to you know, let those stresses and I'm still guilty of it too Uh, you know, let it take away from you know, being present in, in with your family.
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: But you read these, um, older people who talk about their, their, uh, regrets in life and, um, nobody ever wished that they would have worked more, nobody, you know.
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: Um, a lot of the regrets have to be around something they didn't do, or or or or people they didn't spend more time with, you know, and kids are a big part of that, you know, and even though I travel and I really want to make sure my kids know that, like last night, I'm playing Uno with my six year old, you know, right after I should probably finish up some emails or something, but it's 430.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: And so, dad, you want to play Uno.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: I'm like man, how long am I going to be able to hear that?
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: Sure, I lost on purpose, by the way, I could have smoked them.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: I had four wild cards that were dealt to me, man, like, and, but I didn't use them.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: Uh, you know, and then, and they're grimmed on her face, which is great, yeah, so I think.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: Just, you know, for me it's, it's always around, um, you know, trying to to create memories with them and make sure they have that gratitude and humility and confidence.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: Be present, be humble and still confidence is what I wrote down.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, one thing I learned from another guest, fantastic gentleman, his name is Bruce Brown.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: He wrote about this, but he says confidence is truly built by one person inside the home, one person outside the home, just like in a company sometimes.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: That's why guys like me have a job.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: Sometimes people bring me in to help instill the same message executives are saying, but different voice.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: Oh, and so in that analogy analogy he's talking about like a parent, then like a coach, or a teacher, parent a coach a neighbor and just someone believes in that person.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: It's all of a sudden like, oh, that's a great point, you know, um, okay, for people who have no idea who medics is, we're gonna we're gonna give you a chance like why should they know about medics?
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: Who needs to know about medics and how can people enjoy the fantastic value that medics is?
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: We're gonna we're gonna give you a chance like why should they know about medics?
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: Who needs to know about medics, and how can people enjoy the fantastic value that medics provides?
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: man, I tell you I'm so proud of the organization, what we've been able to do over.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: I mean, it started 22 years ago.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: I started 16 years ago and you know, uh, the reason I joined medics was I was 28 years old, fought in two wars, just graduated college was way behind on.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 2: I felt like in life and I felt like you know, uh, the ceo, andrew, uh, lamores.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: He had a plan on building something very special and big and I was like you know what I want to?
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: I want to be in on that.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: So it's.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: It's a health care, life science and technology staffing and recruiting organization.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: And what I've learned in my 16 years and you're in the staffing industry as well the two most stressful times in somebody's life is when they lose a loved one and they're looking for a job, and I can't really do a whole lot about the first.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: I can absolutely do something about the second, and throughout my career of recruiting, selling and leading teams, that's the one thing that I try to instill.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: So if you're in the healthcare, insurance, life science or technology industries and you're having trouble identifying and retaining talent, give us a shout.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: We've been doing it for a long time.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: We've grown tremendously over the years, not because we do bad work, but the core purpose, core values.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: It's a unique organization and one that I'm proud to say it's been home for me for 16 years.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: That's awesome.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I can tell you everybody I did spend 20 years in the industry and you don't realize that kind of like joke that I was released from the K-4 jail.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: I mean that in all tongue in cheek, cause, like you, just don't, you don't, you don't know, you don't know.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: And so, now that I've on this entrepreneurial journey, I've met so many fricking fantastic people that just this industry, just there's so many good people and you know, come across you and get to know you now and I feel like I spend this last hour.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: I feel like I really know you.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: Um, spent time with some of your other executives recently and just and uh, success leaves clues, like I talked about earlier, and you know Jeb's team.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: He ain't going to save it.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: I'll say you're growing north of 30% in a horrendous year.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: The guy's doing something right.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: So if you're listening out there, you work in healthcare, you're having IT challenges, staffing challenges, life.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: So give him a call.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: He will be linked in the show notes.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: We'll make sure you guys can find him through LinkedIn.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: Jeb, it's now time to go into what they call lightning round Cool, which.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: I have no questions prepared, but this is your job to answer them as quickly as you can.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: My job is to show you the negative hits of taking too many hits not bong hits, but football hits and to try to get a giggle out of you.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: You got it All right.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: I'm focused, okay.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: True or false?
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: Your call sign was chopper.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: False, but I had the best call sign in the world.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: You want to know what it was.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you want it, red balls.
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: No Green ass, if you're a special operations like tech B guy Playboy Playboy.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: You do look like a playboy.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: You guys can't see my can.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: I don't know about that, but like it was, like ice man.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: If, uh, I'll, I'd take ice man all day, um, you know, let's, let's go ice cold.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: Um, no, but it was, it was.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: It was playboy, uh, in afghanistan and dark knight in iraq.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: You know, that was for the all the guys that were over there right, so it wasn't just like they jump.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: You get this really neat call you know call sign is like if you're, if you're rolling in special operations and you, you know, close air support, then it was, you were a playboy element.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure if they still use that or not, but it was pretty cool wow um tell me the last book you read uh, walter isaacson's, uh, um, benjamin franklin.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: The second last book I read was on the relationship, not the Deal, but I'm reading Walter Isaacson's Leonardo da Vinci right now, which is you know that dude writes some good biographies, so shout out to Walter Isaacson.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: There you go, Walt.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: Tell me the last song listened in your phone that your buddies at work could be surprised.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: You listened to.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 2: I think they're surprised at anything.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: It may have been maybe some uh, either either uh Morgan wall, which isn't surprised.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: Maybe something like boy band backstreet boys are in sync, which again no way would be surprised.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, uh, if we, if I came to Nashville tonight, we're going karaoke.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: What, what, what are we going to do at?
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: santa's pub dude santa's pub have you really.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: I've sang in santa's pub, so have I.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: So there we go, so we know exactly where we're going.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: It's a trailer what song it's.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: yeah, trailer dude.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: Um, my go-to would be um, I want it that way.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: You know, if I really, if I really really want to make an entrance on it, I can nail every verse on that, but if I'm upping it up a little bit, I do Bye, bye, bye.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 2: I'm more of an entertainer than a senior, so what's yours?
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: I have multiple genres, I can hit the talent's spread so thick.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: Joking aside, actually I got kicked out of eight.
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: Not kicked out, my buddies were moving from the karaoke bar because it had eight straight songs.
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: Like, hey, why don't you give someone else a chance?
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: Uh, true story.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: But I like I can go country way down chattahoochee, I can do that one okay uh, I do like a little piano, man.
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: Man, I can bring that home, can you?
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, but if I had to go on right now, you and I are going to do, we're probably going to do we might go some Hall Notes, rich Girl, oh, let's go.
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm giggling, I'm using right now on the lightning round.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, if you were to go on a vacation right now, you and Abby, where are you going?
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: No, kids.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: Um.
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 2: Europe, european cruise um, you know, italy, Croatia, something like that.
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, If there was to be a book written about your life tell me the title.
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: I don't want to say something.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: The first thing that came up was like you can do it, but like that sounds cheesy hey, it's all right it's gonna be on lifetime, then maybe the discovery channel pick it up.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: Hopefully it's hallmark.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: Um, yeah, I'll go, I'll go with that.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: You can do it.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: Now you can do it is.
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: I think your story would be a hell of a book.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: It'd be a hell of a movie.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: Um, and it's going to be a hell of a book.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: It'd be a hell of a movie and it's going to be a hell of a movie.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: And so now Netflix, youtube, they're all picking it up and they want to.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: They're fighting for the rights to produce this movie, and then you are now the casting director.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: I need to know who's going to star playboy in this critically acclaimed, hit new movie.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 2: It's going to be uh, who wouldn't want chris hemsworth playing them?
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: Right, you might go walberg.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: But yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, marky mark would do.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 2: It would do a good job.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: Um, I go, I go, I go, thor okay, there we go.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: And then last question to bring us home, tell me two words that describe abby beautiful, kind, easy done mic.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: Drop lightning rounds over.
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: I think I lose.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: I giggled at my own jokes, Um, but this has been so fun getting to know you, Jeb.
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the time.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for the story.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: I'm hopeful everybody, if you did not take notes, re-listen to it.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: Take notes.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: There's so much gold in what he shared.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: So many things to learn, Um, and I love the fact that, uh, you're, you're taking your own challenges and adversity and and and using it to find the best positive way to be the best present, positive dad you can be.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: Um, I know this is not the last time we're going to talk.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to see what the future holds for us.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: Um, I want to thank everybody for continuing to listen.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: If you know a dad that you think would enjoy this podcast, please share this episode.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: If you have not taken time to go into iTunes or Spotify or wherever you consume these podcasts, leave us a review.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: The more that you guys do that, the more that we have a chance to keep this podcast going.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: If you told me we were in season five five years ago.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: I'm like, how am I going to do that?
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: But much love goes to Ty Nunez, my college teammate 86.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: Brother.
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: Thanks for getting this podcast off the ground nearly five, five and a half years ago.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: But, Jeb, thanks so much for spending time with me, buddy, and hope you have a great rest of your week.
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: You too.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: Thanks for having me, Casey.