Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 3 - Episode 296 - Can you say I’m sorry?

Transcript

Season 3 - Episode 296 - Can you say I’m sorry? · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

• 0:02
  Welcome to the Good Morning from the Chicken Coop podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermindset
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop, along with all her chickens.
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  Hey everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
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  So today we're talking about 3 words.
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  I am sorry, and this is these are hard words to say.
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  Those 3 words, I am sorry. For many of us, it is a very,
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  very hard thing to say because we equate it.
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  We link it back to being wrong and if we don't believe we're
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  wrong, we don't want to say we're sorry.
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  I know this because I am 100% one of those people.
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  By my very nature, I am stubborn.
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  I don't quit things easily. I will dig in.
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  And when I don't believe that I am wrong in something, I
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  struggle letting go of it because I want someone to
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  understand my point of view. And over the years I have had to
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  work on that and work on that and work on that because it
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  doesn't let me move forward. It holds me back.
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  So this loops into the I'm sorry, do you have to have
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  someone understand your point of view in order to use the words
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  I'm sorry? Well, for me it was always a
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  link and sometimes it still is. Sometimes I need someone to
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  understand my point of view before I can even say I'm sorry
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  for my actions. Because I feel as though, well,
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  if you understood my point of view, then you I wouldn't mean
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  to say I'm sorry. But that's stupid because maybe
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  I did something that was wrong in my approach.
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  Maybe I handled the approach wrong and they're not going to
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  agree with me. But if I handled the approach
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  wrong, should I have to apologize for it?
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  And the answer is probably yes. If I handled myself poorly and I
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  didn't do the things that I know I should have done, then maybe,
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  maybe just maybe that is one of those things that is necessary
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  to come out with and say the words, hey, I'm sorry.
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  I should have done this better. I should have done a more
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  efficient job with this. So we have to look at that and
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  say, what is it that I need? What are my rules around the
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  words of saying I'm sorry because they are so important to
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  other to myself? I mean, do do you like to hear
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  an apology? Because I know I do.
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  I want to hear people say I'm sorry if they did something to
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  hurt me. And am I easy to forgive?
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  Yes, I'm very easy to forgive. I, I just want to know that
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  someone's sorry. I want to know that they
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  understood their actions hurt me.
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  So if I want that in the world, then I have to be the same and,
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  and reciprocate it. I have to be the same.
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  I have to be willing to give it. And in order to be willing to
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  give that, boy, that's a big thing, right?
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  I have to be willing to sit there and let go of some of my
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  crazy rules behind the scenes. But like, well, do you
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  understand my point of view? Did you clearly get that?
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  Because I'm I think you're missing it.
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  And does this show up most with the people that you care about
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  the most, the ones that you love the most?
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  Of course it does. We can't help that.
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  Of course it how it does that. So it is without question that
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  if you are in a a relationship with another human, that human,
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  that human person is 100 percent, 100% going to have an
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  experience with you that is strong and connected in some way
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  to how well you guys can solve problems, how well you can
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  connect to solve your problems. And if you struggle with that,
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  you're going to put a burden on the relationship that does not
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  need to be there. That burden is something that
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  you need to, you know, look at and say, I don't want to be that
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  person. I want to have something
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  different. So how do you come back?
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  You sit down and the first thing you do is ask yourself, how well
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  do I give apologies and be honest.
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  Be honest with yourself. I don't give them.
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  Well, OK, how can I do a better job with this?
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  Ask the question, what has to happen for me to do a better job
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  with this? And it's not going to be an
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  instantaneous answer for most of us.
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  We're going to have to think about this.
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  We're going to have to ponder. We're going to have to go into a
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  space of let me think about this because it is a big question.
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  So ask that second, you know, and this is a big thing, how
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  well do I receive an apology? Do I have rules around receiving
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  apologies? Some people have a lot of rules
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  around it, like if you don't show up with the flowers or you
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  don't show up with something that shows me.
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  I mean, I have clients that are 100% having a problem and they
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  will, one will say they're apologizing to the other and all
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  of a sudden, let's say we're talking a couple right now and
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  one will apologize and the other will be like, yes, but yes, but,
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  and, and you didn't do this and you didn't do this.
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  And you might have said you were sorry, but you didn't do this.
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  So the person who delivered the apology feels completely
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  defeated by said apology just by the mere nature of it not being
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  accepted. And then you the question is,
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  well, you didn't mean it anyway, right?
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  Because the reaction is to the lack of acceptance of the
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  initial apology. So think about this.
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  It's giving and receiving. It's both sides of the coin.
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  When you start to pull that together you will be a
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  successful person at apologizing and using those 3 dreaded words
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  of I'm sorry. OK my friends, I hope you have a
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  bet. Great blessed day and I will see
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  you tomorrow. Bye.