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The Porn That Shaped Us · The Women Are Plotting

0:02
Etienne: Welcome listeners.
0:03
Etienne: This is Women Are Plotting.
0:05
Etienne: I'm Etienne Rose Olivier, and I'm here with my friends and co-hosts Heidi Willis and Jane Gari.
0:12
Etienne: Well, this episode we're going to be focusing on our introductions to porn.
0:12
Etienne: And my fun fact for today is how there was a rumor after the whole shaving off your pubes for everybody became a super trend that pubic lice was on its way to being eradicated from the world.
0:35
Etienne: And that's actually not true.
0:38
Etienne: The cdc says not true.
0:42
Etienne: No, pubic lice has been around for eons and it's gone through different phases of people's grooming preferences.
0:52
Etienne: So it's already gone through times before where people shaved off their pubes, and it's still around.
0:58
Etienne: It can actually hang on to chest hair or underarm hair any kind of hair on your body that's coarse.
1:03
Etienne: So yeah, don't just think if somebody shaved that they're safe, you may still get pubic lice.
1:10
Etienne: So that's my fun fact.
1:13
Jane: Oh my God, Etty, that's terrifying.
1:14
Jane: Okay, wait.
1:15
Jane: So you're a nurse, so tell me this Do you know the difference between pubic lice and head lice?
1:19
Jane: Are they relatives?
1:30
Etienne: Oh, that's a good question.
1:31
Etienne: I'm assuming it's different.
1:32
Etienne: Please God, I would really really because, although I mean, I guess, if somebody has head lice and then they're rubbing their head lice on your pubic area, that you'd probably let's not try it.
1:37
Jane: Terrifying, dealing with head lice was hard enough.
1:40
Etienne: So, Jane, do you have a fun fact for us today?
1:43
Jane: I do have a fun fact.
1:44
Jane: It's not as fun as lice
1:47
Etienne: God
1:47
Jane: lice is so much fun but I thought that this was actually pretty cool because it's positive.
1:53
Jane: Like, a lot of porn gets a bad rap and there's some things about porn we should be concerned about for sure, but all the data shows that sexual crimes are lower in areas where there is greater access to porn and my source for that is Psychology Today and I thought that that was surprising.
2:13
Jane: Because maybe not, but I know that a lot of people argue like porn is going to put ideas in people's heads and make them want to do stuff.
2:20
Jane: But it can also be, I guess, a really good outlet for fantasy and then if your fantasy is not somebody else's fantasy, well then you could just do that in private and also just not act out anything in a non-consensual manner.
2:37
Jane: So some people, I guess, need that as an outlet.
2:39
Jane: But I don't know.
2:39
Jane: I was shocked to learn that.
2:40
Jane: I don't know if it's fun, but it's interesting.
2:43
Etienne: Okay, yeah, that's definitely interesting, but I mean fun as far as, yeah, less crime, less sexual crime, that's a positive.
2:52
Heidi: Yeah, so let's keep porn legal.
2:55
Jane: Let's keep it alive.
2:57
Heidi: There is some problems with porn, obviously, you know, with violence and, yeah, people having a skewed view of what sex is supposed to look like between two people normal people anyway so maybe we can work on that, especially if it cuts down on crime.
3:19
Heidi: That's amazing
3:21
Etienne: yeah so, Heidi, what's your fun fact?
3:25
Heidi: So mine.
3:26
Heidi: I was surprised by this.
3:27
Heidi: So, while viewing porn, men tend to focus on a woman's eyes and lips over breasts and genitals.
3:35
Etienne: Wait, wait, what
3:36
Jane: Sorry
3:36
Heidi: Yeah, researchers speculate that men look at women's faces to determine how turned on a woman is.
3:45
Heidi: That was surprising I was very surprised.
3:46
Etienne: Well wait, If that's the case, why is there not more porn where it looks like the woman's actually enjoying it?
3:53
Heidi: Exactly
3:54
Etienne: I am confused.
3:58
Heidi: Maybe it's like a disconnect between, okay, what do people think men like and want versus what they actually like and want, and if they're paying attention to how turned on the woman is like, how about capitalize on that and make that a part of yeah?
4:16
Etienne: I think porn could definitely be turned around if we could increase the number of videos or films or whatever, where everyone is having a good time and not facing it like how about actually having a good
4:31
Etienne: time.
4:32
Jane: What a novel idea
4:35
Heidi: I watch porn.
4:35
Heidi: That's what I look for if the woman is having a real orgasm like whoa yeah,
4:39
Etienne: and you can tell
4:40
Heidi: For me
4:40
Etienne: that's way different than the the fake like yeah,
4:46
Heidi: as women, we can tell.
4:49
Jane: But I think that you bring up a good point though, heidi, about the focusing on the face, because I'm wondering if the cascading effect of that is that men have seen this performative face right.
4:58
Jane: And then they're thinking that that is what women look like and sound like.
5:03
Jane: I mean, and honestly, everybody is different.
5:09
Jane: Maybe some people do have like you know, everybody's got their own little noises I'm not going to make mine for you now, but I think that some women will see that and then think that that's what they should be doing, and I think there's like this weird feedback loop that can happen from it too.
5:21
Jane: So I think that authenticity is is important, and sometimes I look at it and I'm like I don't think that that's real.
5:29
Jane: But I wonder if, like if, especially young men, if they're watching it and they don't know what you know, if they've never had an experience with a real person before, and then that's their expectation, cause kids are getting exposed to things like pretty young now.
5:43
Jane: I think that that's kind of weird and that actually is a nice segue into, like, how we
5:49
Etienne: yes
5:50
Jane: how first encountered porn like how old we were and
5:54
Heidi: how different it was back then.
5:56
Etienne: Yeah, I'll go ahead and start.
5:57
Etienne: So I am super happy that I did not grow up in the age of porn readily available on my phone.
6:04
Etienne: I just can't even imagine like Pornhub or whatever, being my first introduction to porn.
6:10
Etienne: I don't even know what my little sexual mind would have taken from that.
6:15
Etienne: The father that I had that actually raised me.
6:18
Etienne: He married my mother when I was five and so I don't remember anybody being my father outside of him.
6:25
Etienne: And when they moved in together, um, there were all these giant boxes that never got unpacked in the basement, where the only other thing that was in the basement were the washing machine and the dryer.
6:35
Etienne: So, being a latchkey kid and in catholic school wearing my little uniform, I am not allowed to watch tv because he would come home and put his hand on the tv to check and see if it was warm.
6:50
Etienne: So I had to find something else to busy myself with.
6:53
Etienne: Well, I can tell you, what I found to busy myself with were those big giant boxes in the basement.
6:57
Etienne: I went in there to see what's in these boxes and what I found a giant collection of porn magazines.
7:06
Etienne: We're talking Playboy not so much Playboy, though, more Penthouse Hustler.
7:11
Etienne: And here's my seven-year-old little mind, seven or eight-year-old mind, going into these magazines and just staring and just yeah, I could not get enough of it.
7:26
Etienne: And I can tell you, my catholic school required us to go to confession once a week.
7:31
Etienne: I can tell you what I never talked about in confession
7:36
Jane: you never
7:37
Etienne: I never confessed that I spent the majority of my free time when nobody else was in the house looking at all those porn mags.
7:45
Etienne: Uh, yeah, no, I did not tell anybody, thank god.
7:52
Etienne: I can only imagine what would have happened, because I would go in the confessional and I start talking and the priest would go oh hi, Etty, I'm like, oh great, this is so anonymous, this is not anonymous at all.
8:03
Etienne: You know my name.
8:04
Etienne: You're saying my name like no, not telling you what I actually do that I'm ashamed of and embarrassed about.
8:11
Etienne: So yeah, that was my introduction to porn
8:18
Jane: oh my god, confession sounds terrifying.
8:20
Jane: I do think it's interesting that you were just like not playboys, though, because, like that, that was my first exposure like playboy.
8:24
Jane: We were just playing not Playboys, though, because, like that, that was my first exposure.
8:25
Jane: Like Playboy.
8:26
Jane: We were just playing in my friend's basement playing with Barbies, which seemed kind of like appropriate, because Barbie kind of looks like a porn star,
8:32
Heidi: yeah
8:33
Jane: playing with Barbies, and they were just like.
8:36
Jane: There was like an entire corner of her basement that was just dedicated to just stacks and stacks of just out in the open,
8:44
Etienne: so not in a box, just in a stack
8:47
Jane: just stacks of them in various states of disarray, like some of them were like towered, some of them had already gotten knocked over.
8:54
Etienne: Oh, my God
8:54
Jane: you know, and there, yeah, there was zero attempt to hide them, and so sometimes I would just go look at them while we're playing Barbies.
9:00
Jane: I'm like holding a Barbie, looking at this other Barbie, and I do remember actually making the connection and being like how come Barbies don't have nipples or pubic hair?
9:07
Jane: And thinking that Barbie was a lie.
9:16
Jane: But yeah, it was.
9:16
Jane: I do remember thinking that the women were beautiful, I have to say.
9:18
Jane: But Playboy was definitely pretty classy, it wasn't.
9:21
Jane: But then, like my introduction to actual, the first time I saw like a hardcore porn situation, I was much older, I was 13, and I was just hanging out at a friend's house and we were playing Mad Libs.
9:32
Jane: But we couldn't.
9:33
Jane: We wanted to play Mad Libs and we couldn't find a pen that functioned.
9:40
Jane: So
9:40
Jane: the moral of this story is parents have a pen that works, that's accessible to your children when you're not home.
9:44
Jane: Because this was, of course, the 80s and we were latchkey kids and we were unsupervised and we were like, let's go look for a pen.
9:50
Jane: So I went up to my friend's parents' bedroom because we couldn't find a pen anywhere else and I'm rifling through stuff looking for a pen.
9:57
Jane: And then I was just instructed by my friend to go into her dad's closet because he had a dresser in there and maybe there'd be a pen on his dresser.
10:08
Jane: And I went in there and I was looking around for a pen in there and I just slipped on one of his shoes and just fell backwards into just a bunch of clothes that were hanging, and then behind all of his rack of clothes was just like stack, I mean like stacks and stacks of porn.
10:20
Jane: And so, as I fell backwards all of the different like
10:29
Heidi: But it wasn't just any kind of porn.
10:31
Jane: crazy, crazy magazines just piling on top of me, burying me up to my chest, and I looked at the cover of the one that was right by my face and it was freaking German dungeon porn.
10:38
Jane: There was people with leather masks on, with the zippers, and two women holding a penis.
10:43
Jane: It had little chains around it like it was a penis prison.
10:46
Etienne: I'm confused.
10:48
Jane: Okay, so imagine a penis and give it a little inner tube, because it wasn't quite a cock ring.
10:53
Jane: Give it a little inner tube made out of leather and then on either side of it put a little chain a little necklace going out in either direction and they were kind of playing tug of war with the penis.
11:03
Jane: and I was terrified Because to go from Barbies and Playboy to German dungeon porn is quite a leap and I was freaking out and I couldn't move because I was buried in porn and my friend had to take me out.
11:14
Etienne: Wait, was this the same house that had the Playboys, or a totally different house?
11:18
Jane: No, no, no, Different house.
11:19
Jane: Different state
11:20
Etienne: oh different state.
11:21
Etienne: Wait, which state had the German dungeon porn?
11:28
Jane: That was Georgia
11:32
Heidi: oh the South.
11:36
Etienne: We're all laughing.
11:37
Etienne: We didn't actually say that we I mean Jane and I live in the South.
11:45
Etienne: I feel like we're allowed to laugh a little bit at that.
11:47
Jane: A hundred percent yankee by birth, southerner by choice, so I can make fun of everybody pretty much, and I lived in the midwest so I could do it.
11:53
Jane: And heidi, you live in the midwest now, but is in the midwest where you first found
11:57
Heidi: yes
11:57
Jane: your porn.
11:58
Jane: Okay
11:58
Heidi: oh, yeah
11:59
Etienne: oh, it was okay
12:00
Heidi: I don't have clear memories of the magazine porn.
12:05
Heidi: I just remember it being everywhere at all my friends' houses in the bathrooms.
12:10
Heidi: Their fathers just kept stacks of it, so anytime you went to the bathroom there it was, and I don't have real distinct memories of oh oh, this is porn,
12:22
Jane: but it was just always there.
12:23
Heidi: It started coming out.
12:24
Heidi: I've got all kinds of stories
12:25
Jane: Like an old friend
12:28
Heidi: oh it was just everywhere.
12:29
Etienne: Wait where, Everywhere.
12:30
Etienne: Where Are we talking?
12:31
Etienne: Everywhere, Like in your
12:32
Heidi: Just
12:32
Heidi: I mean all of my friends' houses
12:34
Etienne: All of your houses?
12:36
Heidi: Yeah, it seemed like you know, in the parents' bathroom.
12:41
Etienne: Yes, Parents' bathroom.
12:42
Etienne: Yes, it was in the bathroom of ours too.
12:43
Etienne: What was the deal?
12:44
Etienne: They're in there having their morning poo, the men, and they're having a little whack.
12:48
Etienne: Like what are they doing?
12:49
Heidi: I guess,
12:49
Jane: Totally.
12:51
Heidi: Of course, yeah, or in the shower, I guess, I have no idea.
12:54
Heidi: Yeah, it just seemed like it was everywhere and nobody was like shield the children.
12:59
Heidi: No there was none of that going on, they were just like eh.
13:03
Etienne: Yeah, I always knew when it was like, oh, there's a new magazine coming, because you can see the brown paper was coming in the mail and you knew the brown wrapped paper magazine.
13:10
Etienne: Ooh, let's wait till dad and mom aren't home and I'm going to go up there and check it out.
13:20
Etienne: Sorry
13:20
Heidi: yeah, I remember.
13:20
Heidi: The magazines were everywhere, though, and even when I was in the military, they used to send it in trunks to deployments Trunks full of magazines, and if I ran out of books to read or there weren't any new books in the break tent, I would just start getting into the porn magazines and read them for the articles.
13:41
Etienne: Like just the articles, or are you talking about like penthouse letters?
13:45
Heidi: probably a little bit of that too
13:49
Jane: there's some good journalism in playboy, though they would have like really good articles.
13:53
Heidi: I used to get all kinds of shit for it,
13:55
Etienne: nobody can see
13:57
Etienne: You said that there's some really good articles.
14:01
Jane: They really did
14:03
Etienne: They did.
14:03
Etienne: They had award-winning journalism I'm pretty sure award-winning journalism, I'm pretty sure award-winning,
14:06
Jane: yes, and interviews with cool people.
14:08
Etienne: And that's what the men would say when the women would be like why do we have these magazines?
14:11
Etienne: This is award-winning journalism.
14:14
Heidi: Plus I get to look at yeah, naked women
14:17
Etienne: please, I'm not looking at the pictures I literally get Playboy for the articles.
14:20
Etienne: Mm-hmm.
14:24
Jane: titties and titillation
14:26
Etienne: wait.
14:26
Etienne: So what about videos then?
14:27
Etienne: heidi were you gonna?
14:28
Heidi: So okay.
14:30
Heidi: So I remember watching porn videos.
14:34
Heidi: Oh my gosh at the woman I used to babysit for she had a collection and so that.
14:40
Heidi: But that was later on.
14:42
Heidi: So I remember distinctly my aunt's cable would get like a fuzzy form of the Playboy channel and there was one day I was in her basement.
14:57
Heidi: She lived with my grandmother, she had the basement part and my grandmother had the top part and everybody was out swimming and I was on my period.
15:04
Heidi: So I was inside, you know, watching you.
15:07
Heidi: You know I'm supposed to be watching whatever, you know, like little house on the prairie or something.
15:12
Heidi: And here I am trying to tune in the playboy channel to see as much as I can.
15:18
Heidi: I think I was like 11 or 12 maybe.
15:21
Heidi: Well, this particular day her vcr comes on and it starts recording and I I'm like, oh no, is it recording like the porn and not her actual program?
15:33
Heidi: I mean, later on I found out you can program the channels, but at the time I was freaking the fuck out Like just oh my God, my aunt's gonna totally catch me and know what I was doing.
15:45
Jane: I mean.
15:47
Jane: That's a very real fear.
15:49
Jane: My foray into videos was the climax of the story.
15:52
Jane: Pun intended was just being terrified that someone else was going to walk in while I was like watching this, because when I was in high school I had older friends who were seniors when I was a sophomore and they were like I don't know why, they just thought that this would be cool to rent porn because they were.
16:08
Jane: We're 18, now we can rent the dirty videos that are in that section of the video store being kept under lock and key behind the curtained area, and so they would go back there and pick out some what they thought would be fun, and we would take turns going to each other's house and be kind of adult about it, like it was whoever's parents weren't home and we would first go to the grocery store and buy something that we would make dinner together.
16:34
Jane: And this is like a group of.
16:35
Jane: There were five of us doing this.
16:36
Etienne: It was like a dinner, like a dinner date.
16:38
Jane: It was a dinner, dinner and porn.
16:40
Jane: You know this is what we did.
16:43
Jane: We were very high class about it, so we'd make a nice dinner and we would hang out and then we would pop in the tape and I was the only virgin in the group and I just remember them kind of looking at me, going listen, this is not how it really is.
17:00
Jane: They would critique it and I think what was weird was this undercurrent of teenage horniness, like the baseline that nobody actually wanted to address as they're watching it and then I think, to get over it would be like this critique that would go on, but they did seem genuinely concerned that I would think that that's what sex was like, and so they would pause it and be like see what she's doing right here.
17:20
Jane: This is not like most people's legs don't do that.
17:24
Jane: I think they were gauging it by the horror on my face, because there were a couple of scenes I was just like I don't want to do that.
17:29
Etienne: Yeah, see where I would be.
17:30
Etienne: I'd be pausing and saying, okay, you see this penis right here.
17:32
Etienne: That is not the size of a penis you're probably going to get Like let's be real.
17:39
Jane: You know what they did.
17:40
Jane: Do that too.
17:41
Jane: But at the time one of my friends was with somebody who was super well endowed, so she was just like actually it could be bigger, and I was like it was like a whole discussion.
17:57
Jane: Finally, then it was time for me to host and my parents were gone and they had said that they trusted us.
17:59
Jane: And then, at the last second, they told my grandparents to come over and this is in the era before cell phones and stuff.
18:06
Jane: So they had left a message for me on the answering machine that I did not play when I came home because I was too busy cleaning up and getting ready for my porn watching party.
18:16
Heidi: No
18:17
Jane: at the time my grandparents lived two and a half hours away and so they were coming later.
18:21
Jane: I didn't know.
18:22
Etienne: Oh
18:23
Jane: yeah, this is a bad, bad thing.
18:25
Jane: And now we've moved on to the porn portion of the evening and we're in the basement.
18:29
Jane: Thankfully, this happened in my basement.
18:31
Jane: We had a rec room down there, and so it wasn't like in the main portion of the house because my grandparents had a key, so they just let themselves right in.
18:36
Etienne: Oh God
18:37
Jane: so we're in the middle of watching something and then I hear my grandfather's voice at the top of the stairs to the basement going hey, and I was like, oh my God, like it was just.
18:46
Jane: And it was one of those when you're panicking and you just forget how to use something that you've always used.
18:50
Jane: I'm trying to press stop and then it won't eject.
18:52
Jane: It won't eject and so it's just frozen on, this just horrible, horrible moment, and he's like coming down the stairs to say hi to me and I'm like I can't.
19:04
Jane: I can't and seriously, I looked at my friend and panicked 'cause she's just like yanked the plug outta the wall for the tv.
19:04
Jane: And we're just sitting there like hi and we all just look so stupid, Just five teenage girls.
19:09
Etienne: It's like what are you all doing with the TV off?
19:11
Etienne: Like sitting down here?
19:16
Jane: Four of them sitting on their hands on a couch on the floor and me just standing in front of the TV.
19:19
Etienne: That's not suspicious at all
19:20
Heidi: no
19:20
Jane: it was horrifying, but I was just like if my grandfather sees me watching porn with my friends right now, I think might actually die.
19:28
Etienne: Oh, I would have died.
19:29
Jane: Thankfully he didn't know, but I was always curious.
19:31
Jane: Could he hear anything before?
19:34
Heidi: Maybe that's why he announced himself
19:37
Jane: yeah, we didn't have it on super loud.
19:38
Etienne: No
19:39
Jane: They knew,
19:42
Jane: I don't know maybe some people are into it
19:44
Etienne: that was your first time seeing it on video, though is when your friends are old enough to actually rent the videos, like that's.
19:49
Etienne: So, like 18?
19:50
Etienne: , jane?
19:52
Jane: Yeah, well they were 18.
19:53
Etienne: Okay, so how old were you?
19:55
Jane: I was younger, so.
19:56
Jane: I was 15.
19:56
Etienne: Okay, so 15.
19:58
Etienne: Okay, I'm actually not sure.
20:00
Etienne: When I saw a video for the first time, I think it might have been around like 13 or 14.
20:06
Etienne: My parents got a VCR and a TV in their bedroom.
20:11
Etienne: I don't know if I just popped it out to see what was in the VCR and saw the name of what it was, and I don't remember what the name was, but I know it was porn.
20:17
Etienne: And so I looked at the counter because it was one of those ones that it would only reset if you pushed in the little button super hard, so it wouldn't go to zeros unless you pushed it in.
20:27
Etienne: So I left it where it was and just watched and then made sure that I rewound back to where it was exactly before.
20:34
Etienne: I turned everything off and walked away when I was done.
20:37
Etienne: But yeah, I remember that
20:38
Heidi: I would have never done that.
20:39
Etienne: Oh, my family.
20:40
Etienne: They never knew about me with the boxes of mags in the basement.
20:43
Etienne: They never knew about the porn video that I saw, but I remember the scene.
20:48
Etienne: The scene was.
20:48
Etienne: I still, to this day, can picture that one scene that I saw off that video.
20:54
Etienne: It was like a whole bunch of couples in their 20s it seemed like in the setup they all were neighbors and such, and they lived on the beach and they had this bonfire and they had a platform where people would go up to the platform and do sex acts in front of everybody there.
21:12
Etienne: And I remember the one part where I was like this is so hot.
21:13
Etienne: Like the woman was laying on her back and some guy comes up and starts going down on her and I'm like this is great and everybody's watching.
21:21
Etienne: This is awesome.
21:22
Etienne: Yeah, so that's stuck in my brain.
21:28
Etienne: I can see it to this day.
21:29
Etienne: I bet if I actually did watch it though it would be different than what I remember we moved houses when I was 11.
21:36
Etienne: And those boxes of porn disappeared and I can tell you I was not happy about that.
21:41
Etienne: Instead of having an unfinished basement, we had a finished basement.
21:45
Etienne: Now we just had this little storage spot with a little tiny door on it, just only what they could fit in there, and I went searching, digging in there.
21:56
Etienne: I'm like there's got to be something, I need something.
21:58
Etienne: I can't go without the porn mags.
22:00
Etienne: I found the story of O.
22:02
Etienne: I was like 12, 11 or 12 years old when I found this and I would sneak in there when I knew nobody was home and I was by myself, obviously, and I would.
22:10
Etienne: I read that entire book and I don't know if people listening to this know what the story of that was, but it's pretty explicit, like BDSM story.
22:19
Etienne: Pretty sure it's set in France in Paris, which makes me think.
22:24
Etienne: You know, I've always had a fascination with being submissive and I wonder if that's where it started, which then brings me to like.
22:31
Etienne: I've had a boyfriend in the past who was obsessed with women urinating on him.
22:38
Etienne: When I met him, he'd never actually had anybody agreed to do it to him or for him, so he said that proclivity, though, came from.
22:46
Etienne: One of the first porn videos he ever saw was of a woman doing that to a man, so he was definitely not into golden showers.
22:53
Etienne: As far as like him doing it to a woman, he wanted it done to him.
22:57
Etienne: That just makes me think do we become obsessed with the first sexual like deviancies that we see, like when we're first into, you know, first seeing porn, because maybe that story of O is why I do enjoy when I've had the opportunities to be submissive.
23:14
Etienne: Yeah, and it's not with everybody because that is not okay for everybody, but with the right people I think that is okay.
23:20
Heidi: That makes sense Because I remember a lot of the porn I watched back then.
23:24
Heidi: It was like a lot of outdoor stuff.
23:27
Heidi: I like exhibitionism we'll get into that in a later episode.
23:31
Heidi: But
23:32
Etienne: I don't, I don't know, Jane, if I'm gonna put you on the spot.
23:34
Etienne: Do you have anything that you like?
23:36
Jane: I do think there's something to be said for formative experiences, and then that
23:40
Etienne: that's a good word,
23:42
Jane: because yes, it's the same with everything else in your life.
23:45
Jane: Like you watch the way that your parents relate to each other, and that impacts how you are with relationships later in life.
23:50
Jane: So why wouldn't this be something that carries over too?
23:54
Jane: And that actually makes me even more concerned for kids today.
23:58
Heidi: Mm-hmm.
23:59
Etienne: I go to the porn sites myself and you see what?
24:02
Etienne: The first thing that pops up on the homepage like what's the most popular porn clips and it's a lot of incest-ish like stepbrother, stepsister stuff that seems to be the most popular.
24:13
Jane: That's so weird.
24:14
Etienne: I'm not saying that stuff doesn't happen, it does but like yeah
24:18
Jane: I'm wondering if that is the result of people during the pandemic doing well, you're here and we're not related, so
24:26
Etienne: oh no, you think it's pandemic related?
24:29
Jane: I'm just wondering if the home page prior to lockdowns.
24:34
Jane: If there's been an analysis done, okay in 2019.
24:37
Jane: These were the top five things that were trending on the porn
24:40
Etienne: oh, I wonder if pornhub keeps a like this information?
24:45
Heidi: there's gotta be, there's porn researchers out there that are keeping track of this shit.
24:50
Jane: They do, and if you're ever curious yourself, you could actually use thewaybackmachine.
24:52
Jane: com and then go to Pornhub in November of 2019 and look at what the homepage looked like then.
25:01
Etienne: Wow, you just have it all set
25:02
Jane: do your own.
25:03
Jane: I have not conducted this analysis myself.
25:05
Jane: I'm a pretty good researcher and I'm just thinking you could do this yourself for cheap and really easily.
25:11
Jane: But yeah, I just think that the formative experiences I mean to me.
25:15
Jane: I'm wondering if my experience seeing Playboy and thinking that they were so beautiful is like carried over into.
25:22
Jane: I'm def, I'm straight, but but I I like waist up, I'm like beautiful, and I think maybe it's because I was like that was what was always on full display, like playboy.
25:36
Jane: There was definitely full frontal, but it wasn't like up in your face and women splayed like they are in some of the other publications, and so I then was always just fascinated and thinking that the breasts were just so beautiful.
25:48
Jane: I didn't want anything to do with a woman.
25:51
Jane: Waist down, I'm like nope, my own is fine, but I don't want anything to do with yours.
25:57
Heidi: I'll go to second base.
25:58
Etienne: What are the bases?
25:59
Etienne: Is it kissing first base, what's second base?
26:03
Jane: And second base is boobs, yeah.
26:06
Heidi: And third base is like getting down to the genitals and then home run is all the way.
26:12
Etienne: Do they not have oral sex on the bases?
26:14
Etienne: It sounds like no
26:14
Jane: you know what they don't, and that is why a man?
26:17
Etienne: And that's missing.
26:19
Jane: A man, definitely,
26:22
Heidi: I think you know the bases.
26:24
Heidi: You talk about the bases when you're younger and you know you're not thinking about oral sex.
26:28
Heidi: Back then I don't think I'm trying to remember.
26:31
Etienne: When I mean I told you what my first porn video was.
26:33
Etienne: I was like I was thinking about it.
26:36
Etienne: My first experience with oral sex happened before I ever had intercourse.
26:44
Etienne: He's actually in this movie, big.
26:47
Etienne: He was one of the teenagers in Big, so we were both teenagers at the time.
26:52
Etienne: We were around the same age.
26:52
Etienne: I was definitely over 18 when this happened.
26:57
Etienne: I was not asking to have him do that, so when he started doing going down there, I was like okay,
27:03
Heidi: you've been waiting for this your whole life, right?
27:06
Etienne: I know I've been waiting for it, but like I was just sort of felt like it came out of left field a little bit but I was like okay, yeah, so I remember him doing it for a little bit.
27:15
Etienne: Definitely definitely did not have an orgasm, but it was still hot as hell Like having somebody down there is very hot, I think.
27:23
Etienne: And it stopped there, I didn't do anything to him, there was no intercourse, it was literally a one-way street.
27:31
Etienne: But, um, yeah, and that was the only sexual contact we had, just that one time.
27:36
Etienne: But, yeah,
27:38
Jane: left field
27:39
Etienne: because I had sex a few times before I even went down on somebody for the first time and the guy said something to me like you ever done this to any a guy before?
27:47
Etienne: And I'm like no, I like it, like I felt, like I said no, like it never even crossed my mind, and he was like you want to try?
27:56
Etienne: and I'm like sure, and I gave it a try
27:59
Heidi: but you had seen it before in the porn.
28:01
Etienne: I was successful
28:02
Heidi: so you knew what
28:03
Etienne: Oh yeah, yeah, I'd seen it, but I had never done it.
28:05
Etienne: I don't know why I like hadn't you know, because when you're young guys just walk around
28:10
Heidi: yeah exactly
28:10
Etienne: you don't have to do anything to like make them hard it's like, like you're just there and like I was always wet, so it was like there wasn't a whole lot of oral sex in general, like my first few boyfriends or experiences, because everybody was always ready to go.
28:25
Etienne: You know, not like now, or I'm like that's my favorite thing in the whole wide world.
28:30
Etienne: So going back to that porn video scene, I don't need to have an audience, by the way, because I've never had an audience for that, but I 100% that is my favorite cunnilingus, which that word is terrible.
28:45
Etienne: I think, it needs a better name.
28:47
Etienne: Fellatio sounds so much nicer word-wise I think it just rolls off the tongue.
28:52
Etienne: Nicer than cunnilingus sounds like I don't know
28:55
Jane: it sounds like a disease.
28:56
Etienne: It does yes.
29:00
Jane: Cunnilingus sounds like a disease.
29:02
Etienne: Cunnilingus.
29:03
Etienne: Sounds like yeah, like some kind of foot and mouth disease or something, I don't know it's like
29:08
Jane: oh, cunnilingus, it's going around the school.
29:10
Jane: You got to be careful.
29:11
Jane: We have to disinfect everything.
29:15
Etienne: Bleach Only bleach will kill it.
29:17
Etienne: You got to pull out the bleach.
29:18
Jane: Why Is there a vaccine for that?
29:19
Jane: I need to have a different name.
29:21
Jane: That's like give it to me.
29:22
Jane: We got to rebrand it.
29:24
Etienne: Give it to me.
29:26
Etienne: Oh, I'll think about it
29:27
Jane: you should look up what's Latin for, give it to me and then just call it that instead,
29:32
Etienne: ooh.
29:32
Etienne: Yeah, or give me your tongue.
29:36
Heidi: Tongue lashing.
29:37
Heidi: What is the poetic.
29:38
Jane: Ooh, I like that Etty
29:40
Heidi: Tongue licking, Genital licking.
29:43
Etienne: I never took Latin, so I have no idea.
29:48
Heidi: Special kissing
29:50
Etienne: special kissing
29:51
Jane: special kissing.
29:52
Heidi: Genital kissing
29:53
Jane: I love it
29:54
Heidi: oh my God.
29:58
Etienne: That's been today's episode.
29:59
Etienne: The Women Are Plotting.
30:02
Etienne: Episode one our introductions to porn.
30:05
Etienne: Well, it was lovely speaking to you guys today.
30:10
Jane: Thank you, guys for being vulnerable and sharing
30:14
Etienne: Vulnerable and honest and authentic.
30:17
Jane: I think that most people in our society have these stories.
30:19
Jane: We'd love to hear yours in the comments, so let's keep the conversation going.
30:24
Jane: How old were you, what medium was it, and do you think that that formed some kind of ongoing preference that you now have?
30:32
Heidi: funny stories relating to porn first exposure support.
30:37
Heidi: Let us know we want to hear them in future episodes.
30:40
Heidi: We're talking about porn, but we're we're also going to talk about subjects like our writing, our writing careers and the writing process and, of course so yeah,
30:55
Jane: so it's kind of like you know
30:57
Heidi: yes yeah,
30:58
Etienne: sex is a need I sleep, eating.
31:00
Etienne: You know you need food, you need sleep, you need sex.
31:02
Heidi: Two of us are dating um, in midlife, I mean that's married and has a very good sex life, so like we're going to be talking about sex with partners, without partners, and yeah.
31:17
Etienne: Yeah, and just to be clear, the ones who like me and Heidi, who are dating, like we, we have had partners in the past, like long term partners.
31:25
Etienne: I've been married and Heidi's been married.
31:26
Etienne: But yeah, I have some outrageous stories from the dating world.
31:35
Etienne: Sex and dating.
31:36
Jane: We're three perimenopausal and on the verge of menopausal women.
31:41
Jane: We're going to talk about sex, sexual function, sexual dysfunction, but more cerebral topics and
31:49
Etienne: health issues mental health
31:51
Heidi: relationships,
31:52
Etienne: all the health things.
31:53
Etienne: The way I look at this podcast is I.
31:55
Etienne: I hope that three of us, our goal is to leave the world a better place than we found it, and if we can spread some wisdom out there that from our years of being on this planet and wanting to be good people in this world and be good to ourselves, then hopefully other people will be good to themselves and to other people in the world.
32:14
Jane: Through the lens of Gen X, creative women
32:17
Etienne: exactly.
32:18
Etienne: And I always think, the people who are artists in this world.
32:20
Etienne: So we may not be artists that people know, but I think the artists of the world are the most open-minded people generally than the rest of the world.
32:28
Etienne: I'm not going to judge anybody for what they do or what they want to do.
32:33
Heidi: As long as they're consenting.
32:34
Heidi: And that's our show You've been listening to the Women Are Plotting.
32:39
Heidi: If you have a story you'd like to share or have any comments, we'd love to hear from you.
32:43
Heidi: Email us at info@ thewomenareplottingcom, and, of course, you can find us on all the socials.
32:51
Heidi: Thanks and until next time.
32:53
Heidi: Be safe and be excellent to each other.