Latest / Alignment With Jenn / (60) GIVE ME 21 MINUTES & I’ll MAKE YOU 23.3x BETTER AT ANYTHING ✨ Psychology of Successful Women

Transcript

(60) GIVE ME 21 MINUTES & I’ll MAKE YOU 23.3x BETTER AT ANYTHING ✨ Psychology of Successful Women · Alignment With Jenn

• 0:00
  Hello and welcome to this episode of the Alignment with
• 0:02
  Jen podcast. I am your host, Jen Dizzy.
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  And today we are going to be talking about the psychology of
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  successful women. And we're going to be talking
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  about the neuroscience, the psychology, and the
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  spirituality. And I'm going to give you 8
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  principles to help you become better at anything and
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  specifically 23.3 times better at anything.
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  And you may be wondering, where did I get that random number
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  from? 23.3 times is if you become 1%
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  better every single day of the year except for 50 days.
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  Truly, you can become better at anything that you put your mind
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  to by 23 times if you become 1% better 315 days a year.
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  So you can have 50 days where you completely mess up or you
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  completely don't follow through and still become 23 times better
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  by the end of the year. And so I really, really like
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  thinking about it in this way because it kind of makes it seem
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  like, oh, it's really easy actually to become better.
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  And I think we have this mindset in society where people think,
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  oh, it's so hard to change. It's so hard to become better,
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  right? I remember in like 90s and 2000s
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  these people would talk about like, people don't change.
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  That's actually the least true thing.
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  People will always change. It's just are you changing for
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  the better? Are you intentionally changing?
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  Are you changing just based off of your circumstances?
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  Are you the cause? Are you the effect, essentially?
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  So I want to kick this off with a story about Sara Blakely
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  because she has an amazing story.
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  She is the founder of Spanx, which is a women's shapewear
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  brand. And basically her whole journey
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  is this whole concept of overcoming failures and
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  overcoming and becoming better and better and better.
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  So before she became the owner of Sphinx, which is a billion
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  dollar brand, she was selling fax machines.
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  She failed the LSAT twice. What I find really interesting
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  is that her dad would frequently have them sit around the table
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  and share what they had failed at that week.
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  And I think this is one of the most amazing stories and such a
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  testament to her success. Because instead of making
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  failure something that you avoid, it was something that was
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  actively encouraged. And for you to create any form
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  of success in your life, you have to become OK with quote UN
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  quote failure. I personally don't think
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  anything is a failure. I think the only failure is if
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  you quit on something that you really, really want.
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  That's really, in my eyes, the only failure.
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  You're either learning or you're succeeding.
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  Learning or succeeding. Those are really the only two
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  options. And so when you see it from this
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  perspective, you are so much more able to go after the things
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  that you want and really go after the dreams that you desire
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  to create. And So what I want to give you
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  in this episode today is 8 pillars that you can follow in
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  order to become 23.3 times better at anything that you want
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  to do. And I highly encourage you to
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  focus this in a particular area of your life in order to really
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  create those outsize returns in one area, right?
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  You can focus this in any area, but you're going to get a really
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  amazing result when you do these things, particularly in one
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  area. The first one, and this is kind
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  of our most overarching 1, is she becomes that version of her
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  before she has receipts. So often times people hedge,
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  right? I see this so often in my
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  coaching practice where people will be like, OK, well, you
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  know, when I have a little bit more success or when I have a
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  bigger following or when I have more certifications, then I will
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  go after it. They get this sense of it's
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  almost like a dopamine hit from saying like, OK, well I'm going
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  to make progress when I feel a little more better, when I feel
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  a little more confident. The thing is you don't get
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  confidence through waiting. You don't get confidence through
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  getting more certain about the path.
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  You get confidence by actually taking action, messing up and
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  realizing that you're OK when you mess up and you don't need
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  to be perfect. The successful women, what they
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  do is they choose their identity.
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  They start with who they are being before what they are
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  doing. And when you become that version
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  of you, you really sit back and you say OK, not what do I need
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  to do to create that 7 figure business.
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  You say who do I need to be? Where that 7 figure business
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  becomes inevitable, right? Who do I need to be when that
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  relationship, that soulmate level relationship becomes
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  inevitable, Who do I need to be? And you show up actively as that
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  person. And that is this idea of in our
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  modern society we have it backwards.
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  We have the energetics backwards and we think that it's OK if I
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  do the things, then I will have what I want and then I get to be
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  happy, right? If I do the thing, I have what I
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  want, I get to be happy, right? We think it's do have be when
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  really it's be do have. What the most successful people
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  do is they decide who do I need to be, Then they do the things
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  in accordance with that identity.
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  Then they have the things that they want.
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  The having is the last result. We often say, okay, well, when I
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  have it, then I can be happy. Then I will feel okay.
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  Then I will feel at peace. When I have the money, then I
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  will feel safe. That's the biggest fallacy
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  because we will carry that lack of safety into whatever level we
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  create for ourselves. I was speaking with a client
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  recently, and she's worked for a lot of really, really successful
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  people in the coaching industry who are making significant
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  amounts of money. And she said that when they
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  would reach new levels, she's like, they'd still be so
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  stressed out. And these are people making $10
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  million a year, $20 million a year.
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  And she's like, they'd still be so stressed out.
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  They couldn't even enjoy the money.
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  And I was like, that's because they need to do that internal
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  work before they get there. You can have $10 million and be
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  at peace and you can have $10 million and feel awful and feel
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  so stressed all the time. It depends who you are being
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  first, because who you are being isn't going to change just
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  because your circumstances change.
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  And the faster way to manifest the thing that you want is to be
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  it first is to become that identity.
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  Identity is the strongest driving force behind our
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  behavior. So the first thing that I
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  recommend you do is just think about who do I need to be in
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  order to create the life that I want, right?
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  I can see the vision, I can see what I want, but who do I
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  actually need to be? Who do I need to be to attract
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  that kind of partner? The second thing is these
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  successful women, U * 23.3 have systems.
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  They're not just operating off of the seat of their pants.
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  They have systems in their life. And when I started systematizing
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  my life, I became so much more productive.
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  I became so much more focused, I became happier, I became
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  healthier, I became more fit. Like everything in my life
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  improved when I began systematizing things.
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  And I know this sounds really not sexy, right?
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  It sounds like the least sexy thing that I could talk about on
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  this podcast, but systems are actually extremely sexy because
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  when you are not feeling motivated, when you are not
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  feeling good, but you have a system in place to help you
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  achieve that, it becomes much easier.
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  I have a lot of systems that I've created thanks to AI, and
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  one of them is I have this morning dashboard that I get
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  then every day it gets sent to me on Slack and it has the three
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  key things that I'm focused on in my life every for this chunk
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  of time, right until I decide to change those three key things.
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  One of them spirituality, one's my relationships, and then one
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  of them is my business. And then there's also my health,
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  which kind of over arches, all of that.
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  So I guess you could call that 4.
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  But every single morning that comes to me and I see it, it's
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  automatically coming to me. That system helps me direct my
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  focus. OK, Yeah, that's right.
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  These are the four things that I really, really want to focus on.
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  These are what's most important to me.
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  And so I want to make sure that who I'm being this day lines up
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  with that. That's a really simple system.
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  A system that you already have in place is before I go to bed,
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  I brush my teeth. Right when I wake up in the
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  morning, I brush my teeth. It's just this automatic system
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  that you have in place. Habits can be systems, they can
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  be something like AI, they can be more complex.
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  Another system can be OK, you know what?
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  Each week I do these workouts and I stay consistent with
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  these. I about six months ago, I signed
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  up for a meal delivery service that is an amazing system in my
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  life because it allows me. I was spending a lot of time
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  planning my meals, grocery shopping, you know, cooking all
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  of those things was taking a lot of time and I found that I would
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  fall off and not eat as healthy as I wanted.
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  Now that I have this system in place, it's so much easier for
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  me to succeed. So look at your life and look
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  and say, where am I consistently falling off and not following
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  through on the things that I want to do?
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  And how can I systematize that in order to actually show up how
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  I want to show up? Because sometimes it's not a
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  lack of willpower, it's just a lack of a really good system.
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  So look at your life. Where am I not showing up fully
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  and how can I create something? One of my clients is an actress
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  and she's writing a screenplay. And she said that she's like,
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  you know, I read this screenplay writing book and they said to
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  write for two hours once a week. And she was like, that is so
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  hard for me. She's like, so I decided I'm
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  going to write for 15 minutes every single day.
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  And she created that system that worked for her, right?
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  So what systems work for you? You don't have to take other
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  people's systems, but the more that you really intentionally
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  systematize your life, the more that you're going to create this
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  23.3 times better. Honestly, I think this one
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  alone, if you create really powerful systems in your life,
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  you're going to 50X your life in one year.
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  So this one is she is intentional before she's not.
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  So this comes back to having these overarching desires or
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  vision or intentions for your life.
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  Because so often what happens if is if we are not crystal clear
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  on the life that we want to create and the vision that we
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  have for our life, what will happen is we will fall to the
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  level of our circumstances. So let's say I didn't sleep well
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  that night and I was meant to do a workout right?
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  Then maybe I skip that workout and I feel kind of worse because
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  I didn't follow through on that. But what happens is when you are
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  intentional and you set these goals for yourself, you set
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  these clear visions for your health, for your career, for
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  your relationship, and you really get clear about how you
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  want them to be, you can keep that larger.
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  Why as your focus? And then it's going to be much
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  easier to be intentional with what's actually happening in
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  your life. So for this exercising example,
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  right, if I don't sleep well, maybe the best choice is to not
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  go work out. But maybe I actually can work
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  out and that will help me feel better and I'll assess that
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  based on my bigger vision. I think what I so often see with
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  people is that they have so many ideas and they have so many
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  things going on and they have so much that they're focused on
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  that it's hard for them to intentionally act and follow
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  through when things get challenging, when they're tired,
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  when they're hungry, when they're on their period, it
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  becomes harder to show up as that version.
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  But when you have a very clear, crystal clear focus, and I'm
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  talking 23, maximum 4 focuses in your life, that it's so much
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  easier to actually direct your energy toward what you want and
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  overcome those smaller challenges.
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  I've talked about this in previous episodes of your fuel
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  that you want to cultivate, right?
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  You want to have a strong why for the life that you want to
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  create. That way, in the difficult
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  moments, it's easier to be intentional, right?
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  And the way we become intentional is getting crystal
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  clear on what am I actually creating in my life, right?
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  Am I at the whim of the current circumstances of my life, of the
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  job I don't like, of my relationships, that's not going
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  well and I'm just reacting? Or am I over here designing my
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  life and saying, you know what, I want this kind of life, so I'm
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  going to backwards map and intentionally create that and
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  I'm going to show up for that. Even when I'm tired, even when
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  I'm hormonal, even when things are difficult.
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  You know, I think in my life, I've kind of swung.
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  I used to be extremely disciplined.
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  I was an athlete. I was a very, very intense rock
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  climber. That was like in my life for a
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  long time, for over a decade. And I had a business, those
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  sorts of things. And those were all very, very
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  consuming. And I was extremely disciplined.
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  Then I kind of swung to the other side and I was like, screw
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  that. Like I want to be in my feminine
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  energy. I just want to enjoy myself.
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  I don't want to be so disciplined.
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  And then I didn't accomplish anything, right?
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  You have to find the middle ground of being disciplined,
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  being devoted, as I've talked about previously, but also
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  following through on the things that you want to do while also
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  listening to yourself, right? There's a balance.
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  And I think it's easy to get really imbalanced and become
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  this like swampy feminine energy that doesn't get anything done.
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  And then this like overly disciplined, controlling
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  masculine energy. You want to get into alignment
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  where both of these are in harmony, where your masculine
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  and your feminine energy are supporting you and helping you
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  make progress on what you want. Because true happiness and true
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  self love, I think is creating the life that you truly want,
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  right? It's giving yourself that gift.
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  So #4 protecting your energy like it's expensive.
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  This is something that's so important.
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  And this goes back to the boundaries conversation we've
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  had previously. This goes back to cleaning up
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  your inputs, right? What are you allowing into your
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  energetic field? Successful people are very
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  particular about what goes into their mind, what comes out of
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  their mouth, what they do with their time, right?
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  Who gets access to them. I get messages very often on
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  Instagram of people asking me to have conversations, right?
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  Asking me for different things. And I'm very particular or even
• 14:12
  just wanting, asking me for advice via messages.
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  And I'm very, very conscious of how I spend my time because I
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  know if I spend an hour with someone, right?
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  And it's not something that's moving me toward my goals,
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  moving me toward my visions, that's not a great use of my
• 14:30
  time. And so you have to be particular
• 14:32
  about how you spend your time. And it doesn't mean you're not
• 14:36
  nice to people. It doesn't mean you don't help
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  people. But the more that you grow, the
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  more audience that you have, the more people are going to be
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  interested in being in your energy, right?
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  And so you have to be conscious of that.
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  You have to treat your energy like it's expensive.
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  And you say, do I want to spend my most valuable resource on
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  this? On people that maybe don't feel
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  good, right? Friendships that maybe don't
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  feel good, on activities that don't feel good, on a career
• 15:03
  that doesn't feel good, right? These are questions you really,
• 15:06
  really have to ask yourself. And the more that you value your
• 15:08
  time, the more that it's gonna be easy to say no and see that
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  things aren't right for you, right?
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  I recently was working on this project with a friend, and we
• 15:17
  had agreed that we would both finish these certain pieces of a
• 15:20
  course that we're both in before we met again to work on the
• 15:23
  project. And she didn't finish them, and
• 15:25
  I did. So I said, OK, well, like, then
• 15:28
  we'll meet when you do finish them because it's not fair to
• 15:31
  either of us if we're in these different places, right?
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  So you have to be comfortable kind of letting people down,
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  right? Because your time is very
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  valuable. Your energy is very valuable.
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  The next one is allowing yourself to feel the fear while
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  still going after it. One of the biggest things that I
• 15:49
  see holds a lot of the women I work with back is discomfort
• 15:52
  with risk is they feel discomfort, they feel fear and
• 15:56
  they back away. They don't step into it.
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  I do this sometimes too. And the less that I do it, the
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  more that my life really, really expands.
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  Because the truth is that part of overcoming fear is having
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  faith in yourself and self trust in your to be OK on the other
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  side. But it's also trusting in
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  infinite intelligence in the creator in the universe that
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  it's going to be OK and you will be supported your next level.
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  You've not been there, so you don't know what it's like.
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  Of course that's going to create fear within you.
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  Obviously, like anything that we've not done typically is
• 16:34
  going to create fear or discomfort or nervousness.
• 16:36
  But that's not a reason to not do it.
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  And that's how you build your confidence.
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  That's how you build your faith. That's how you let the universe
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  show up for you is when you say, OK, I'm going to take this leap
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  of faith. I don't know exactly how it's
• 16:49
  going to turn out, but I know it's going to be amazing.
• 16:51
  It may not be exactly what I think it's going to be, but it's
• 16:54
  going to be amazing. So this is the next one, and I
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  really, really love this one. It's romanticizing consistency
• 17:02
  and showing up versus perfection.
• 17:05
  Something that I've heard over and over again from very
• 17:07
  successful people is they don't focus on the result.
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  They focus and what they can control, which is their own
• 17:13
  output. So let's say for example, you
• 17:16
  want to become a creator and start posting on social media
• 17:19
  and you will post something and then you'll go and look at the
• 17:22
  metrics and you'll be like, Oh my gosh, this didn't do well.
• 17:24
  I, I suck. I can't believe I didn't do
• 17:26
  this. That is one way to look at it.
• 17:29
  It's not a very helpful way, but it's one way.
• 17:30
  The other way is to say, awesome, I got the reppin.
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  What can I learn from this? I'm proud of myself that I
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  posted. That was the accomplishment,
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  right? The accomplishment is just the
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  ACT. It's what you can control.
• 17:44
  You can't control how that content performs.
• 17:47
  You can study content, you can learn more, but you have to get
• 17:51
  yourself to actually take the acts, to take the repetition, to
• 17:54
  put yourself out there. That is what you commend
• 17:58
  yourself for. That is what you focus on, and
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  that's what you track instead of how well did this perform?
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  How well did this do? At a certain point, you can do
• 18:07
  that, but if it's going to diminish your ability to show
• 18:10
  up, that's not how you want to look at it.
• 18:12
  OK, so you focus on and you reward the ACT, the repetition,
• 18:16
  the showing up instead of did I get that perfect outcome that I
• 18:21
  wanted? Because you can't control that.
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  And then the last one is making your future self the main
• 18:28
  character. So really focusing on that
• 18:32
  version of you that you want to be a very powerful habit for
• 18:36
  success is treating that for future version of you as a real
• 18:40
  person and living into that version and recognizing that
• 18:45
  it's not going to happen overnight and being OK with long
• 18:49
  term horizons. Tony Robbins always says he's
• 18:52
  like, you overestimate what you can do in a year and you
• 18:55
  underestimate what you can do in a decade.
• 18:57
  So often we're so focused on getting it done now, trying to
• 19:01
  make things happen now and we don't end up accomplishing
• 19:05
  anything because we end up bumping around.
• 19:07
  I see this so often where people that are so focused on getting
• 19:10
  something accomplished immediately don't focus on that
• 19:14
  long term horizon. So you want to have focus on
• 19:18
  both. You want to focus on what can I
• 19:19
  accomplish today, this week, this month, this year, but also
• 19:23
  what's my long term vision? What's this long term version of
• 19:27
  me? What's that long term horizon?
• 19:29
  This version of you shows up as the micro choices you're making
• 19:34
  every single day. And something that I think can
• 19:37
  create a quantum leap in your life is just asking yourself at
• 19:41
  every choice point you have thousands of choice points every
• 19:45
  single day, asking yourself, what would the future version of
• 19:49
  me do in this moment? Would she hide?
• 19:52
  Would she show up? Would she express herself?
• 19:56
  Would she keep quiet and when you begin to answer and act from
• 20:00
  that place, from that real future version of you, what
• 20:04
  you're going to realize is eventually they're the same
• 20:06
  person. There's no difference between
• 20:08
  you and that version. And when that happens, your
• 20:10
  whole life will look different. So I hope you have loved this
• 20:13
  episode. I would absolutely love to work
• 20:17
  with you on a deeper level. If you're interested in support,
• 20:20
  you can send me the word podcast on Instagram.
• 20:23
  My Instagram is at alignment with Jen and we I can share with
• 20:27
  you a little bit about. My community, my coaching
• 20:29
  community and the rewiring work that we do.
• 20:32
  And I hope that you have enjoyed this.
• 20:34
  I'll see you in the next episode.
• 20:36
  Bye.