Latest / Mommywood / Redefining Success: Motherhood, Music & Marriage with Tiff Randol

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Redefining Success: Motherhood, Music & Marriage with Tiff Randol · Mommywood

0:02
Welcome to Mommy would, the podcast where motherhood meets
0:06
Hollywood. Real moms, real talk, no
0:09
scripts. I'm your host Emily Bolt and we
0:12
are talking about the messy, funny and unfiltered side of
0:16
being a mom in the entertainment industry.
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1:58
Welcome to another episode of Mommy Wood.
2:00
I'm your host, Emily Bolt, and today's guest lives in a
2:04
different corner of the entertainment industry.
2:06
I had the pleasure of sitting and chatting with Tiff Randall,
2:10
composer, artist, producer and Co founder of Mamas and Music,
2:15
which is a global nonprofit she launched in 2019 after becoming
2:19
a mom and realizing just how few structures exist to support
2:24
caregivers and creative careers. We love this for Mommy Wood and
2:28
while while TIFF works in music and many of us are in film and
2:32
TV, the problems and the struggles are still the same.
2:36
Creative industries are built around availability, late
2:40
nights, last minute calls, travel, proximity and all of
2:43
those things. Motherhood doesn't exactly run
2:47
on that type of schedule. We talk about what actually
2:51
changes after having a baby, not just your calendar, but your
2:55
identity. We talk about confidence,
2:57
opportunity and and whether women leave these industries or
3:01
just slowly stop being invited into the rooms.
3:06
We also get into something I'm really excited about what it
3:09
looks like to be married to a director and how 2 creative
3:15
careers coexist inside one house.
3:19
How do you decide whose opportunity comes first?
3:22
How do you prevent resentment? Let's take note.
3:26
People and how do you. Stay a couple, not just Co
3:31
producers running a family. This was such a great topic.
3:36
I love chatting with her about this in this episode.
3:39
It's about ambition, logistics, partnership, and redefining
3:44
success when you're raising kids in an industry that never really
3:48
slows down. So let's get into it.
3:51
I'm so excited. I know you're going to love this
3:54
episode of Mommy Would with Tiff Randall.
3:58
Yay Tiff, but nice to meet. You.
4:02
Yeah. So great to meet you.
4:03
Thanks for having me. Yeah.
4:04
Thanks for being a part of Mollywood.
4:06
Let's start with your kids name and age.
4:10
His name is Luca with AK and he is 7 1/2.
4:14
He's turning 8 in May. Wait, when's his birthday?
4:18
May 7th. On May 27th.
4:23
I am much older than 7. How about your kid?
4:28
She is May and she she'll be 4 in June.
4:33
OK, so Taurus, she is a Gemini. OK, mine, mine is Taurus.
4:42
It's very, it's like it's real bull action for sure.
4:48
We love it. OK, so let's go back to before
4:54
motherhood. How would you describe yourself
4:58
before a motherhood and like where you were creatively before
5:03
becoming a mom? Yeah, it's a big question.
5:12
I think it's it's in a weird way, it's easier to talk about
5:17
the after before because, you know, my creative trajectory is
5:22
has been definitely a a changing.
5:27
I'm very hydra and very I think also because I'm neurodivergent,
5:32
I've always kind of moved into a lot of different curiosities
5:39
with my musical career. So, but I think the, the biggest
5:46
creative changes that I noticed like before in post that really
5:50
stick out to me is that before becoming a mother, I, I feel
5:56
like I was very, very driven around, even though I would
6:02
never, never love to admit this or say it, But the need for
6:06
approval or validation, you know, always kind of there's
6:11
like I would throw myself into my work, you know, and with, you
6:15
know, with lots of heart. But then there was always like
6:17
this like little girl on the other end going, you know, Hey,
6:21
is this OK? Am I doing it right?
6:23
All that stuff. And it's, you know, it feels
6:25
like icky to talk about, but I, I, I know that that's relevant
6:29
for many, many of us, especially being in the, you know, creative
6:34
world and, you know, dealing with a lot of male icons and
6:38
figures and, you know, and, you know, power dynamics and things
6:43
like that where you kind of certainly I did not take the
6:48
reins with the driving like production and composing and
6:52
things like that prior in the way that I, that I did
6:56
afterwards. And that kind of came just out
6:59
of, first of all, not giving a fuck anymore.
7:01
You know where I was just like. I'm exhausted, I'm tired.
7:05
My time and bandwidth is, you know, less.
7:08
So I have to do what I want to do.
7:10
I have to do what feels right. What I have time for has to be
7:13
something that I can prioritize. So just by carving all of that
7:18
out, like motherhood creatively, I think gave me a lot of juice
7:23
because it really helped steer me into doing things from a
7:28
space of like honesty, priority and then ownership where I was
7:34
like, you know, I, I can do all of those things.
7:39
I, I don't need that permission really had me step into owning
7:45
myself. In part of that, too, was just
7:46
being surrounded by other women who were, you know, encouraging
7:50
me and and that became a new space to kind of thrive.
7:56
No, I appreciate you talking about the beforehand and that
7:59
need of like approval because we do hear a lot about the after
8:04
and like once you become a mom or like when people are like,
8:08
oh, now in my 30s or my 40s or 50s or whatever, they're like
8:11
with age, you like don't give a fuck as much.
8:15
And now I'm doing it for me. And it's like, yes, but like,
8:19
can we? We also have to acknowledge that
8:22
we all do start from a place of like wanting approval.
8:26
And we still like, it's nice to always have approval.
8:29
But but yeah, I appreciate that because you are, you're in good
8:34
company. We're all, I think, especially
8:37
as, as creatives, even though it's so subjective, we do put
8:44
ourselves out there for that approval or scrutiny or whatever
8:50
it is. So it, it's nice to hear like,
8:55
oh, even though people are in this place now, we haven't, you
9:02
haven't always been in that place.
9:04
You can't grow if you. Haven't.
9:07
Started from a place. What do you feel like was the
9:09
first kind of? Thing that.
9:13
Changed or shifted once you became a mom Like like was it
9:18
schedule, opportunities, how you felt perceived by people?
9:22
Like what did you feel was one of the what like changed first
9:29
for you or did you feel? I think the, the, the schedule,
9:40
the time, you know, you have to surrender to that.
9:45
Yeah, especially early on, because first of all, there's,
9:49
you know, I mean, I had a lot of postpartum, but I also had, you
9:53
know, and with that was also just tons of like joy that, you
9:57
know, I was like crying with, you know, and this joy
10:00
constantly. And, you know, I'm just
10:02
overwhelmed really, you know, and my, my body just need a lot
10:06
of time to heal. And so did my and so did my my
10:09
heart in a lot of different ways.
10:10
So, you know, I think that time that it took to heal, you know,
10:17
made me take a pause and also made me realize that I had to
10:25
stop doing things alone is not possible to, you know, continue
10:29
to, you know, run up that hill by myself.
10:36
Yeah. Yeah, I definitely feel you with
10:39
the time thing, especially like right away there's like because
10:44
night is day and like, what is time?
10:48
And then time just continues to shift as they grow.
10:53
Because now at like 7, I'm sure you're looking back and you're
10:56
like, you know that saying about like don't blink.
11:00
It's true because it's like. What?
11:03
How? How does time move so quickly?
11:06
It's wild talking about like grief and like time for like
11:14
your heart to heal and like you to heal not only physically, but
11:18
what do you feel like? Was there any part of your
11:24
identity that you felt like you had to grieve during that
11:29
transition of becoming a mom because or not?
11:33
Because you know, a lot of people I'm like, oh, I
11:37
completely changed and I'm, I'm grieving who I was before or I'm
11:43
different than who I was before or I honestly felt like I was
11:49
surprised by, oh, I, I thought I was going to change more.
11:53
So was there a big identity shift for you or or no?
12:00
Yeah. No, it was, it was.
12:02
It was huge for a long time. I mean, that's what you asked
12:07
about before and after. I mean, this is not so much
12:09
creative, but it was turning my my cat make an appearance.
12:17
But it but I I was really like, you know, I will never be a
12:21
mother. And, you know, very, very, I
12:26
think because of the pressures of the industry vocally, like
12:29
anti ever becoming a mother. And, you know, and I think when
12:36
I when I became one, like I burst into like I just
12:40
fragmented and and then I felt so sad that I had that
12:45
experience and that that that was, you know, you know, where
12:52
what I felt like I needed to, you know, be be in my 20s.
12:59
And and so that was yeah. So that was, that was a, a big
13:05
piece that I also think, you know, I had a lot of grief,
13:09
honestly, like industry related because my, my husband's a
13:15
director and there was like the one thing for me, I was like,
13:23
make sure you're not on set when I have the baby.
13:28
And, you know, Fast forward to my mom with him on FaceTime and
13:34
me like getting out of the hospital room, like on FaceTime,
13:39
you know, while I birth our child.
13:43
And, and so that was like, I mean, that's super private to
13:48
talk about, but like, you know, it's just true.
13:50
And, and I and I feel like it's just a relevant conversation
13:53
because these are the things that, you know, I think we deal
13:56
with in our industry that, you know, that is atypical and, and
14:03
also typical of our industry. And it's really, it's brutal.
14:07
That was a really that. That must be really hard to get
14:12
over. Like to move?
14:15
I don't think, I don't think I'll ever be over it,
14:17
truthfully. And yeah.
14:21
And I'm sure it's different. Like that's probably frustrating
14:25
for both of you because there's different griefs and hearts for
14:34
both of you in that situation. Obviously, I would empathize
14:42
with you a lot more in that situation.
14:45
But like, yeah, my God, I'm all like that.
14:49
Such like because you don't know when the moment's going to come.
14:55
Not, not always, unless it's planned, but Even so, yeah, that
15:01
with him being on set and, yeah, missing that, wow, that is yeah.
15:07
I mean, I think for me, part of the grief was to just like
15:09
really around, you know, like the like the producers and
15:12
things like that where that like, you know, the, the demand,
15:17
the demand was there to like kind of make a choice.
15:21
And I think that that's bullshit.
15:23
You know, it's especially when, you know, I watched them, you
15:27
know, navigating a 17 year old schedule, you know, whatever,
15:31
you know, we're just like, OK, you know, the, I think that
15:36
that's weird in our industry and I, I think it's really crappy.
15:39
And, you know, and that's also part of why like, you know,
15:42
Mama's and music became a thing for me.
15:44
My, you know, my nonprofit where it was like I, I need to be in
15:48
communication with others that understand that have a lot of
15:51
similar through lines with what you're going through and also
15:54
want to do something about it. It's like, you know, it's, it's
15:59
hard to kind of put a stopper on the conversation like that
16:02
because it's important to talk about, it's important to
16:03
normalize those things and also be like, actually it's not
16:06
really OK. Yeah, you know that's not OK.
16:09
But OK, well, moving on to Mamas and music, you started it in
16:14
2019, right? So what was, can you talk about
16:19
more about like what was going on with you and the precipice of
16:24
starting that? Like how you know, starting
16:27
something like that is such a huge feat.
16:29
So how did you kind of begin begin it?
16:35
It's funny, I I wasn't what it like how it's grown is not I
16:40
didn't even have any idea what I was quite getting into when it
16:44
started. I just knew that, you know, I
16:47
needed, I needed that community and I was looking for it and I
16:50
was like, is there an organization out there for
16:53
mothers and music? And it didn't exist, which in a
16:59
in a way I was surprised about, but also not really.
17:02
And so I, so I just kind of started reaching out to other
17:06
women and women's business groups and I was like, is this
17:08
something that anybody would want to connect on and connected
17:12
with my Co founder in the UK, Mary, and she had just had a
17:16
baby as well. And and she, she and I just, we
17:19
started connecting and like having calls a lot and talking
17:22
about like, what, what would it look like to build something for
17:27
mothers? And, you know.
17:30
Yeah. And then we just started
17:31
building these, like, community calls with women that started
17:35
showing around the globe. And we were like, you know, we
17:38
just started talking about it because we didn't want to be
17:41
silent. I think the silence and of of
17:45
becoming a mother of being a mother feels like this pressure
17:49
system inside the industry. And we really wanted to pop
17:54
through that and and again, like normalize caregiving in music
17:58
spaces and, you know, just just talk about it and.
18:02
And I don't know. Yeah.
18:07
Well, and, and to do something like that when you're so freshly
18:16
a new mom too, it's like these things come out of necessity and
18:23
it's like, well, you can't be that is surprising that like
18:28
that it didn't exist yet. But it's so nice that you were
18:32
able to create this space in this community for like mothers
18:41
and and and have that and then the way it's grown is just.
18:48
Exciting. It is, yeah.
18:49
It's really exciting. And it's amazing to have women
18:53
around the globe that, you know, that to connect with as well.
18:56
Like that's really exciting to, you know, to be able to, you
19:02
know, it's like I could get on a plane to Johannesburg and, you
19:05
know, be with community there, different parts.
19:08
It's just really great. I love it.
19:11
How can people, I'll ask this again at the end and I'll share
19:17
whatever links or connections that you have for people, but
19:24
how can they find what's the best way for people to find
19:27
Mamas in music? Yeah, our website Mamas Mamas in
19:33
music.org. We're also on Instagram and
19:38
various other places. But you know, anyone can join.
19:42
Anyone can join and become a Mama music member or a caregiver
19:47
member or an ally. You know, we're, we're, we're
19:51
very inclusive of anyone who wants to support that work and
19:57
that. That's amazing.
19:59
So now going back to the fact, going back to switching to the
20:04
fact that you. You and your husband are both
20:08
creative, them both in, you know, creative fields.
20:14
How how do you guys decide what like work takes priority or like
20:21
who? Yeah, just like with scheduling
20:29
or just kind of like a date, a daily, like how do you decide or
20:36
is there a decision of like, oh, you can take this, I can't take
20:40
this. Or if you're like going places
20:42
or if he's having to leave or how does that work for you?
20:46
Sorry, that was kind of. No, it's, it's, it's good.
20:49
I mean, the truth is his, his work always takes precedence.
20:55
You know, he, he, he works on big projects.
20:58
They have, you know, schedules and hit go and and, and as a
21:04
result, you know, we also have like I homeschool our kid as
21:08
well, all have. Oh my God, she wants she wants
21:14
to play too. And and so I I just find ways to
21:22
make it work. I'm I am fortunate that I get to
21:26
be portable in my work. Fed up, you know, but certainly
21:31
like the, you know, every six months since Luke was born, we
21:34
were like in a different country or a different place for, you
21:37
know, it's, you know, it's like Prague for six months and then
21:41
back for a little bit and then Prague again and then Australia
21:44
during the pandemic and then nine months in Berlin.
21:46
And just, you know, it's just been all over the place.
21:49
And only recently have I been like, I'm done with that for a
21:52
while. I'm just, we're just going to
21:54
settle down. So that's part of why we're
21:56
doing the homeschool. And then also just because, you
21:58
know, we're a spectrum family. And so that just works better
22:01
for my kid. But but yeah, as a result, I
22:05
have to find the ways to balance my schedule.
22:09
And sometimes, sometimes things, sometimes I'm just losing my
22:15
brain going crazy because I'm doing, it's like I'm like moving
22:18
us and doing this and with Luca and running my nonprofit and
22:22
doing my music albums and, you know, whatever.
22:24
So I'm always like, like balance is is not really a a thing so
22:31
much. We just, we just work with it.
22:35
And and then, yeah, if I have to put a pause on something to make
22:41
sure like, you know, I'm prioritizing well-being and like
22:45
my family, like I just, I just do it, you know, and I find my
22:50
ways to work in the middle of the night or whenever I can to
22:53
get things done, you know what I mean?
22:55
Yeah, it's it's wild. What what women do, what we can
23:00
do all things. OK, that makes me think of two
23:03
things because I actually just spoke to another woman yesterday
23:08
who her child is also on the spectrum.
23:11
And had has. Just started homeschooling her
23:14
10 year old yesterday. That's so interesting that I'm
23:19
talking to you both so closely to each other.
23:23
I'm sure that you could have lots of words of wisdom for her.
23:28
She was. Yesterday was like literally my
23:30
first day and I was like, Oh my gosh, wow.
23:33
And you're on a Zoom with me. I'm so sorry but.
23:39
Awesome. It's really, it's a very
23:42
interesting, you know, it's a really interesting journey.
23:46
And and he he's he does, you know, he has this year started
23:52
going to like an alternative just a couple days a week, which
23:57
has been really cool. Like a, it's, it's, it's a
23:59
democratic school, which basically it's like very Lord of
24:03
the Flies. Like they, you know, the kids,
24:05
there's no teachers. It's like the kids do what they
24:07
want and the step, you know, there's like staff there and
24:10
they all vote together. They're on equal territory.
24:12
So. That's kind of about, I think
24:14
all that would be OK. My kid is very much has to have
24:19
that kind of a platform. So that's been kind of cool to
24:23
see him enjoying being in that environment, you know, And we do
24:28
a bit of both now, yeah. Yeah, it's, you know, it's
24:33
interesting trying to figure out and like learn your kids and
24:39
figure out what works best for them.
24:42
And it might not be like the traditional way is not best for
24:49
them. I feel like honestly it's
24:50
probably not best for a lot of people, but it still happens.
24:54
But. I think I'm still going to
24:56
therapy for my, you know, public schooling and so then.
25:04
Going back to your your husband's work, having to kind
25:09
of take precedent for the most part and.
25:13
For. I guess quote UN quote good
25:17
reason, but reason enough that how in that in those situations.
25:23
How do you? Prevent, prevent like resentment
25:29
and you're in a creative marriage because I know that
25:32
he's my husband's also an actor. And when we were when my
25:37
daughter was first born and and he was having auditions and I
25:41
wasn't and I was like, you know, that's, that's hard.
25:45
And of course. Yeah.
25:47
Things go up and down and careers are not usually anyway.
25:52
But how do you give me advice on your job and resentment or just
26:00
like, yeah. I got a cat kiss.
26:07
I feel like in a weird way, you know, again, I listen to a lot
26:12
of like women and you know, and mama's music have conversations
26:17
around this and you know, relationships are long.
26:24
We, we are on if we're lucky and you know, and I do think that
26:30
invisible labor does tend to be on the mothers for the most
26:36
part. I mean, maybe there are some
26:37
other, you know, there. That's not always the case, but
26:41
but I think it does tend to be like that.
26:45
And I feel, I feel like it's hard to not feel resentful.
26:50
So I feel like in a weird way, I would like to normalize being
26:55
resentful. It doesn't mean that you know,
27:00
someone is, you know, it doesn't mean that you know, your partner
27:04
is not a great partner, you know it.
27:08
But but I do think that it, that it happens to the best of us in
27:15
that scenario. So I think in a in a way, it's
27:17
kind of going, yeah, OK. I, I mean, I would be lying if I
27:21
said that I did not have some resentment for some of the
27:25
scenarios that have occurred. But I also know like my, my
27:31
husband's a great human and like a great dad and like, you know,
27:35
and, and so I think when you keep that big picture in mind
27:41
and you know, nothing's going to be seamless and perfect, you
27:47
know, so, so I think, I think about all my relationships
27:51
before, honestly, that's part of how I do it, where I'm like, Oh
27:55
my God, think of all my relationships before and you
27:59
know, the, the issues there. And like, you know, at the end
28:03
of the day, I would still be here right now like this.
28:08
So that that helps me. And then, and then I also think
28:12
boundaries have been a big one. I mean, even this year where I
28:16
was like, you know what, I want to be in one place and one place
28:19
where I feel good and I don't want to jump around and I don't
28:23
want to feel bad about that either.
28:26
So, you know, I've got things handled and I'm going to just
28:30
put my foot down and be like, this is where I want to be right
28:32
now and I'm going to take care of me and maybe invest in some
28:38
things for myself this year. I think I've, you know,
28:43
accommodated my family a lot and, and now I kind of feel
28:49
like, oh, like I'm stepping into my own oxygen mask.
28:53
I'm really like doing that verbally.
28:56
And, you know, and, and doesn't mean I don't feel bad about it,
28:59
you know, but I let that go. I'm like, not going to feel bad.
29:02
Yeah. I think, I think that's so much
29:05
of I mean just life in general, but especially as women and as
29:10
mothers, just the fact of like multiple things being true at
29:14
the same time where you can kind, you can be resentful, like
29:19
I'm not getting what you're getting, but I can also be happy
29:22
for you and love you. And it's not like I hate you
29:28
because I'm resenting that. Like if, as I think, like you
29:32
said, verbalizing that all of that too, where you can be like
29:37
I'm, I'm resenting you a little bit.
29:39
I'm so happy that you're doing this and I'm so excited for you,
29:42
but like also a little sad for myself.
29:44
Like I think it's OK. And I think what you said, part
29:48
of just saying it out loud is super helpful because resentment
29:54
will only build, I think. Yeah, like say something or.
29:59
And I think it's OK to have it like to have also maybe some
30:03
like think about requests that, you know, can feel like a good
30:07
exchange, you know, and that's part of, you know, like for me
30:11
where I've been like, you know what?
30:13
Yeah. So this is what I need to, to
30:18
feel good around the imbalance because there is an imbalance
30:24
and, and, and being OK with recognizing that, you know, like
30:30
in relationships, we, we do, we haven't, we do exchange, you
30:34
know, and a lot of times I think women and certainly myself feel
30:38
like, you know, kind of bad receiving, you know, like where
30:44
you're just like, but I'm supposed to be doing all of this
30:47
stuff. I'm supposed to be feeling good
30:49
about being able to do all of this stuff, you know, and, and,
30:54
but that's how we get burnt out. And that's how we also, maybe,
30:58
you know, feel like we're not valued or we're taken advantage
31:01
of or things like that. And so, you know, I'm trying to
31:04
do that a bit more ago. Yeah, I love the way you say I'm
31:10
stepping into my own math. That's so great.
31:14
And the fact that you were like I I do kind.
31:18
I do kind of feel guilty about having these boundaries or, you
31:22
know, wanting things for myself, but moving through that because
31:26
if we stop at the guilt as moms, like we're never going to do
31:31
anything. Like we're never going to leave
31:33
the house. We're never going to let our
31:34
kids out of our like, we have to like get through the guilt and
31:41
like come out on the other side of it.
31:43
Like it has to be, it has to it would just we we have to do it.
31:49
OK, so you're home schooling, you're doing your own music,
31:56
your own, you have a not-for-profit.
31:59
All of these things that you're juggling What what do you feel
32:03
like helps make your household function?
32:07
Is it like planning? Do you have help?
32:11
Is it just like, you know, a timer?
32:16
I don't know what are you doing to help.
32:18
I've been doing a lot of timers, timers, timers have been
32:21
helpful, I think. Yeah, I've been in a big
32:27
infrastructure reboot phase and a couple things.
32:34
One last year my husband was on a project in Vancouver and
32:40
Burnaby for like and before that Georgia for like 9 months.
32:46
And so I was basically like, you know, I think we've just gotten
32:50
back to LA and I was like just getting settled and then it's
32:52
like in one month I will be gone for nine months.
32:54
And I was like, OK child care. You I'm sure you deal with like
33:01
flaky child care. It's like, you know, 1 you start
33:04
with somebody and then they're gone and you know, you're just
33:07
like can never get feet on the ground steady.
33:11
So I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to bite the bullet and get
33:15
an au pair. I always felt weird about having
33:17
somebody live with, you know, with us.
33:21
And I was like, I don't know. But because the travel's so
33:24
extensive and I was like, I'm not going to go live in a condo
33:26
and, you know, Burnaby, Canada is not happening.
33:32
So so I was like, this is what, you know, and this is what I'm
33:36
talking about. When I was like, OK, I'm going
33:38
to start actually saying like this is what I need to be able
33:42
to also work on all of the things that I'm working on for
33:46
my career and for my nonprofit and scoring and things like
33:50
that. So I'm going to put some
33:52
infrastructure in place au pair that has been amazing and it's
33:57
been really cool because I I think I would live in a commune
34:02
if I could. Like I I do really, I mean, I
34:04
like my space a certain way and I and I you know, and I do like
34:08
my privacy, but I also do enjoy having, you know, like another
34:14
family member ish kind of vibe. And it's been really good for
34:17
Luca as well, because he has another person that can be like
34:22
a steady attachment piece for a period of time.
34:26
And so that's been a, a big one. I, I really loved that
34:29
experience. I'm on my second year.
34:32
I was. Just going to ask, how long has
34:34
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35:49
When your husband comes back, is it hard to like reintegrate him
35:54
into like, hey, is the schedule now get like, get on track like.
36:01
It's so brutal, especially because like he's a director, so
36:04
you know, he's you know, he's, he's got this.
36:07
Like, you know, he comes in and he's like, you know, he wants
36:10
things to look a certain way. He's got a vision.
36:12
He's you know, he's and and he's, he's used.
36:16
So I'm always like, this is not your film set, my set.
36:21
And yeah, it's it definitely is challenging.
36:26
It's challenging for Luca too, because, you know, it's
36:30
disruptive, right? So you like get into a routine
36:33
and things are working and then, you know, another person comes
36:36
in and, you know, wants to kind of change a lot of things.
36:40
So I don't know how that will continue to evolve, but I'm, you
36:45
know, we keep talking about it and I just kind of keep, you
36:48
know, restating, you know, hey, like if you were here like all
36:55
the time or long stretches, like then we can, you know, be a
37:00
little more collaborative. But like, you know, it's just,
37:04
you know, is the way it is. Yeah, I mean it, it feels like
37:09
going back to the like if his work is taking precedent and
37:13
that's what what it is, then it's like your home, like you're
37:19
keeping the home. Yeah.
37:21
Report is steady like yeah, you both that seems like that seems
37:28
kind of like the you both have your.
37:33
Yeah. Tory, But you know what I mean,
37:35
And it's. Your domains.
37:36
Yeah. And I, I'm sure like for me, I'm
37:42
curious how you guys feel about just the fact of like your son
37:48
being able to see that you both are, it's hard, but that you
37:53
both are doing things that you're passionate about and
37:56
that. Yeah, I think that's really,
37:58
really, really cool. And you know, he definitely he's
38:03
super creative. So like he's, I think, I think
38:08
one of the challenges with the stop and go part is like just
38:10
when you know, when towards here, like he's so he's angry at
38:16
first because again, just one that the in and out, there's
38:18
always a little like, you know, of that feeling, right?
38:21
But but this year's been really cool because he's been on a
38:25
project in Brooklyn and we've been upstate.
38:28
So like there's been a lot of like time to, you know, to
38:32
connect, even with him working on a long project.
38:36
And so it's it's been really cool for like Luca to come on
38:39
set, you know, see how, you know he's working.
38:42
And then, you know, Luca's making, you know, his own little
38:45
movies and he's drawing comics and, you know, he's done doing
38:49
like stop motion and and he's also doing music like he's, you
38:54
know, composing little pieces. And so he's really, I think he's
39:00
thriving being surrounded by it's a he sees me working most
39:05
of the time, right. So he's, he's often basically
39:07
like, like my husband will come home and he'll be like, Tiff is
39:11
the one who's really working. Yeah.
39:17
He called us by our first names. He does not call us.
39:21
I've been, I've been trying. I've been trying since he was
39:23
little. I was like mommy, mommy and he'd
39:26
be like. That's so interesting how you
39:32
know, sometimes you just gotta let go, I guess.
39:36
I'm like, yes, I'm like, can you call me Mommy once?
39:39
Once. You're like I'm your mom.
39:43
Earned the title please. How?
39:48
Oh. My God it's so cute.
39:51
Is the one who's working, Yeah. So.
39:55
Funny. We laugh about it, you know, we
39:57
think it's just really funny. But so you were talking about
40:02
the project that you're working on now.
40:04
Can you share what you're? I mean, obviously there's a lot
40:08
of things. Yeah, you know, I realized like
40:11
I stepped over something though, like around cuz I know you asked
40:13
about and I feel like this is like relevant for like all of us
40:16
because management is such a big crazy thing infrastructure and
40:21
like the AU pair was a big piece of it, right.
40:22
But I did want to just mention one of the things that I have
40:26
been that is like, it's kind of taken over my life a little bit
40:28
in, in the last like many months.
40:30
But I've been building a second brain on a program called
40:34
notion. And at some point I'm probably
40:38
going to template it out when I once I've kind of like finalized
40:42
everything. But, but part of that has been
40:45
like templated out to share with with others.
40:48
But it's called Mama brain. But it's, it's basically that
40:52
has been a game changer for me because I'm sure like many of
40:56
us, things are scattered all over the place, you know, and
40:58
I'm like, I'm ADHD and autistic as well.
41:01
So I'm like, you know, my, my stuff is all over the place, but
41:04
I'm obsessed with organizing things into one place.
41:07
I have like both brain types that are like battling.
41:11
So Notion's been amazing because I've been able to like take
41:14
everything and put it in one place and kind of build
41:18
something and an infrastructure. So it's like everything from
41:20
family providers and family things to all of my music
41:23
business, to all of my mama's and music all in one space.
41:27
I don't have to hunt it down and like Google Keep and Notes and
41:30
Microsoft and, you know, like all.
41:32
Of that stuff. OK, so it's so it's called
41:36
you're creating a new brain and what is it that you're using?
41:40
It's so there are different programs that you can use, but,
41:44
but I'm using one called Notion and it's, it's really, it's,
41:48
it's, it's basically like a glorified notes program that
41:53
allows you to also you can build databases and spreadsheets and
41:56
things like. And I know it sounds really
41:58
overwhelming and it is, but also you can start and you, you can
42:02
start, you know, kind of small where it's instead if you
42:06
imagine like your Apple Notes or whatever, like you've got like
42:08
just a bazillion folders with different pages and all of this
42:11
stuff. This is kind of like you can
42:15
take all of that and you can put it into one surface and space
42:19
that allows you to organize it into like dashboards with, you
42:23
know, links and all of those things.
42:25
So that's been my big project because I think that that one of
42:29
the things that has been soul sucking and time sucking has
42:32
been, you know, when I'm like, where is that file of that thing
42:36
that I know I need because somebody's asking you for it and
42:39
I'm searching through Google Drive and I'm searching through
42:41
my emails and everything else. So this has been a very time
42:47
consuming project, but a wonderful one too.
42:51
We will wait for your template and get on board for sure.
42:55
I love, you know, and that I feel like Mama brain is like or
43:02
mom brain. What?
43:03
Is Mama brain? Yeah.
43:04
It's a Mama brain. We're I feel like that's a good
43:09
branding for it because we need to re rebrand the mom brain
43:18
because when I say that or where I was like mom brain, but it's
43:23
like mom brain is actually very impressive because we actually
43:29
have 8000 things going on and the fact that I can have one
43:34
conversation, it is impressive. So.
43:38
Impressive. Rebranding Mama brain a positive
43:43
thing. We're waiting for your template.
43:45
We're getting on board. This is I'm I'm excited because
43:49
you said think of your notes app and I'm like, I don't want it
43:53
to. No, no, make it go away.
43:57
Even like I started using like good notes and then I also have
44:02
like my planner and then I also have a notebook.
44:05
So I'm like certain doing the same thing where I search on my
44:08
computer for stuff and then I'm like, oh, maybe it's written in
44:11
this notebook. Maybe it's on my iPad.
44:13
Yeah OK, well I'm ready for it. Whenever you no rush, but
44:17
whenever, whenever this massive project you're but once it's
44:23
complete, I'm on board for love. Love it, I will definitely send
44:30
it over. How do you find because as
44:34
creative, especially like in music, I don't know how like
44:39
that seems so such a different, obviously such a different beast
44:46
than than acting, because at least acting we can be like, I
44:49
have an audition and then they're coming in.
44:51
I feel like even even more so that music is more self
44:59
motivated or like you have to like you really have to do it.
45:04
And so like, how do you keep keep creative and between the
45:16
staying creative and keeping the love of what you do and taking
45:22
the jobs that like have to pay for things like how do you, how
45:28
do you juggle? That.
45:34
Yeah, I mean, I, I think that creatively, I feel like I've
45:48
really stepped into, again, you know, like in the beginning we
45:51
chatted about how prioritization had to, you know, take place.
45:57
So that could look like either, you know, I have this job that I
46:00
have to do, you know, I have to make money or, you know, this is
46:05
a project that, you know, that like, makes my soul, you know,
46:09
burn and I have to express myself here.
46:15
So I think that before having a kid, I, I really, I actually
46:23
think I, I struggled maybe more with, with structure.
46:29
And because I'm working with the schedules and things like that,
46:34
like I have, I have had to put in structure that includes like,
46:41
you know, this is my time in the studio and, and I know my brain
46:45
is going to be like pulled in 8000 directions.
46:48
But I'm turning off my phone, I'm turning off my iMessage.
46:51
I have like sorted out a child care situation that allows me
46:56
to, you know, protect that time so that I can get in there and I
47:01
can do it. And I have been, you know,
47:03
forcing myself into that space where I'm like, you know, if I'm
47:07
not feeling the flow, then I can work on technical things, you
47:13
know, And it's still as long as I'm like in, you know, I'm
47:17
editing, you know, the music pieces or like the percussive
47:20
elements or, you know, whatever. Or I'm just doing a track as an
47:23
exercise. Like I'm just kind of forcing
47:25
myself through it. And I have found that that does,
47:28
you know, create more continuous flow.
47:30
But I think I've also let go of, you know, I think a lot of the
47:35
anxiety is that I talked about before, I was like, you know,
47:38
afraid of not doing things right or, you know, that, that I just
47:44
kind of let those things go. And it, it, it does allow for a
47:47
lot more creative flow. But I also recognize that
47:52
motivation when you're tired and you know, and your head's being
47:56
pulled in so many different directions is so real.
48:01
And you have to like, I think if you don't carve out that time to
48:06
force yourself to do some sort of exercise, whether it's, you
48:11
know, no, this is, I know I don't feel it right now, but I'm
48:14
just going to get in there and I'm going to do something.
48:16
She wants to be fed. That's why she's trying to bite
48:18
me. She's going to get violent in a
48:22
minute. Yep.
48:23
OK, But but I think if you don't carve out that time, it's just
48:31
you're going to get blown over and then, you know, and then we
48:34
feel crappy, you know, because we know we know we need to be
48:38
doing it. And I don't know if that answers
48:42
it that helps but. Yeah, no, definitely.
48:44
Even just like the carving out the time and turning literally
48:51
even just like turning off the phone, like you said, like that
48:54
is such a huge thing because I feel like so many of us, that
48:59
phone is so addicting. And if you up it on it's it's
49:05
it's easy to waste time or not even just waste time, but have
49:10
things coming in that you're like, no, actually I could do
49:14
this. I can e-mail this person.
49:15
I can. Yeah, and it's also the
49:18
dopamine, right? Like we want, we ideally want
49:20
the dopamine to be coming from like, you know, love hits with
49:23
people and also like creative hits, you know, with ourselves.
49:27
But like, if the phone is dominating our dopamine then and
49:31
it's so much easier. It's so much easier to let that
49:35
dominate than the other things. So I, I kind of keep it off.
49:40
I have, you know, been making a practice of like staying off out
49:43
of news, you know, like maybe I'll maybe I'll give myself a
49:47
little like update with some Colbert so that I can feel, you
49:51
know, not like I want to, you know, and things while I'm
49:56
taking in that information, but it's like it's.
49:59
All just jump off a bridge because no Yeah, too much news.
50:03
Too much news. It's you know, and it's, it's,
50:06
yeah, I mean, we are, we are already, we are already
50:09
emotionally holding a lot. And and so, you know, kind of
50:14
that's a big thing that I've done too, is just go like, OK,
50:17
I, I know there are a lot of things going on in the world.
50:19
How am I going to focus on the things that I can do today that,
50:23
you know, will bring something, you know, it's that old ripple
50:27
in the, the pond, you know, approach.
50:33
Yeah, more of those boundaries that there's a reason that
50:36
you're they're good for us, for other people, for everyone.
50:41
OK. I feel like I was asking about
50:43
what you're working on. And then I drove past it
50:48
somehow. I think I drove you past it.
50:53
I love work. Yes, tell me about what you're
50:58
working. On Yeah, I am working.
51:03
I'm working right now on an album.
51:05
Well, of course I'm working on my nonprofit, but musically, I
51:08
did a little indie score in the fall that's coming out soon.
51:11
And then I'm working on a new album for one of my projects
51:15
called I Am Eve, which, yeah, it's kind of like dark cinematic
51:19
Pops, you know, very like it's got people like to say little
51:24
Kate Bush fives at times with it.
51:26
And, and so that's been really amazing.
51:28
I've been working on that. I've released some of the
51:30
singles from it. There's one called Desire and
51:33
Atomic that came out recently. And I have one coming out called
51:37
Stardust Apocalypse with like a really weird video that's that's
51:41
pretty cool. And, and then the album is
51:43
called Legacy. And this whole album has been
51:45
really like, I've been working on it for a long time and
51:47
producing, writing it. And it's very ethereal.
51:50
It's very dense with its topic as well as its musical details.
51:57
And, and it's a lot of like, just what's going on in the
52:02
world, all of like what it is to be in our world right now.
52:06
What are we, what's the legacy that we're leaving for our, our
52:11
next, you know, for our kids and for the world And, and how are
52:14
we, how are we, how are we going to change that?
52:22
You know, but it's really like that's kind of the under the
52:26
undertone. It's like art, a lot of
52:28
archetypal play as well in it. And you know, like to get kind
52:33
of otherworldly when I'm working on that project.
52:36
Yeah. Yeah, I'm excited to share, to
52:39
share the music with everyone. And then I'll I'll put the.
52:44
Links and I'll use all. Everything that you send to me
52:48
and I'll put it in the show now. Yeah.
52:50
Awesome. I'm going to also send you this
52:52
other album that I did during the pandemic called Isolation
52:54
because it's like a completely different, it's more like
52:57
composer focus and it's it was like a capture of my experience
53:02
during the pandemic. And it's it's like neoclassical,
53:06
experimental, like instrumental music.
53:08
It's pretty cool, but it's just a different totally different
53:10
things. So I'll send you.
53:12
Perfect name for it for that time being yes, OK, I do I going
53:19
back to you saying that you never wanted to be a mom.
53:25
We need to talk. Let's talk more about that
53:27
because I feel like not enough people do.
53:31
And there's like stigma, whatever the word is, where it's
53:37
like, you didn't want to be a mom, then why are you a mom and
53:40
now you're a mom? Like, yeah, like obviously that
53:43
is a huge topic and a lot to cover, but what what was that
53:50
was were did you change your mind?
53:57
Like before you got pregnant? Were you trying to get pregnant?
54:00
Was it a surprise? This is obviously for.
54:03
Yeah, it's a big yeah. I mean, look, I.
54:07
Because not not all women, I I didn't like dream of becoming a
54:13
mother either. And for women to say like I
54:16
didn't want to be a mom and now I am, or that they don't want to
54:19
get like. Yeah.
54:20
Need to talk? Yeah, I was just so focused on
54:26
my career and, and my, you know, my creativity and I mean, I
54:34
guess I was probably also very self focused, you know, and, and
54:41
I couldn't imagine how I could possibly do my career and have a
54:45
responsibility of another person.
54:47
But I think also like my vibe about it was a bit shitty.
54:52
And it was partially, it was part, it was, it was not
54:55
partially, but it was largely just, you know, because of the
54:58
influence of feeling like I didn't want to be seen as, you
55:04
know, no longer a viable, you know, person in the industry to
55:09
work with. Like if you're not, you know, if
55:13
you know what I'm saying, there's all of a sudden, all of
55:17
a sudden you get clocked, you know, and, and so think that
55:22
was, you know, I recognize those things early on.
55:25
And I was like, I didn't want anyone to think that that I
55:28
would be, that there would be a risk factor.
55:30
And you know, and of course, I detest that entire conversation
55:35
in like all of the ways now. And I'm shouting about it from,
55:39
you know, the mama's music rooftops wherever I can and also
55:44
recognize now how entirely bullshit it is because I think
55:47
I'm doing my best work ever. And I think my career is, you
55:50
know, is evolving in ways that I'm excited for.
55:54
And, and so I don't know, I think it's, I think it's a bunch
56:00
of a bunch of crap. And I don't know, I think 1, the
56:04
thing that shifted it for me was two things.
56:07
Like I fell in love with my husband and I was like, I kind
56:11
of like I started to feel the hormones around it.
56:14
And I was just like, you know, what can we do together, you
56:21
know? And, and then, and then, and
56:25
then also I had a conversation with one of my Co writers who's
56:30
this amazing writer. And she was like, she said to
56:35
me, don't make the same mistake I did.
56:39
She's like, I can never get that opportunity back.
56:41
And she's like I and she, you know, she did, she avoided it
56:46
because she was trying to push her career and, and didn't want
56:53
anyone the same thing that I was thinking, right?
56:56
And and so it wasn't like she really didn't want to have a
57:00
child. It was just that she didn't want
57:04
that to become a thing. That was a hitch in her career.
57:08
And then she lost that opportunity and and, you know,
57:11
and and it really she was so, you know, her heart was so big
57:16
and sharing this with me and telling me to not to not do
57:20
that. And it really.
57:23
Yeah, it just, it really turned something on in me.
57:26
And I was like, yeah, I'm not going to let some olds design in
57:33
our, you know, our industry designed not by women and
57:39
mothers. Like stop me from from from
57:43
missing out on something that I think I really do actually want.
57:47
You. Know and and who's talking here
57:49
is it that is is that is that actually coming from culture or
57:54
like is it what I want? And I think that that change
57:57
really happened for me, which then led to like me getting
58:00
married and things like it just part of my evolution as a person
58:02
going like, oh like who's talking is this?
58:05
Where is this coming from? You know, like in a lot of my
58:08
deep diving, you know, and, and getting honest with myself.
58:11
No, I think that's so true. And I think the fears that you
58:16
had are, are similar to most women, not just in creative
58:23
industries, but like in any industry where it's like trying
58:28
to level up or grow in your industry.
58:31
Like I just think so many women deal with those fears and we
58:36
just don't talk about it enough. And and and like you're saying,
58:43
is it is it me saying it or is it at the outside?
58:47
And I think we feel it both ways of like, do I actually want a
58:51
kid or a society? Telling me I should have a kid
58:53
or vice. Yeah, the industry like you're
58:56
saying that I want a kid or there's it is hard to like
59:00
listen to ourselves. Yeah, just just listen to
59:08
ourselves. It's so nice that you have now
59:13
this platform because one of the questions I always ask people is
59:17
like, what would you tell yourself before you had kids?
59:20
What would you say now? And like, it's so great that you
59:23
have this, this platform in a way to not only tell yourself
59:30
from when you were younger, but to like share it with, with
59:34
other people as well. Has your you said obviously
59:42
you're even in a better place career wise, but has your idea
59:49
of success changed since having a kid?
59:54
Yeah, Yeah, I think so. I mean, I, I think I've let go
59:59
of a lot of those ideas. I mean I and I don't know.
1:00:04
I don't know necessarily how to define success creatively,
1:00:11
especially in music. It's very weird, you know, I
1:00:13
mean, are we, are we getting work?
1:00:17
Are we feeling like I feel very successful around the quality of
1:00:23
work that I'm doing in a way that, you know, that that I feel
1:00:32
I will look back on in my future and go like, yes, like, you
1:00:36
know, that's just when something snapped and you know, and I and,
1:00:41
and, and you can hear that in in the work.
1:00:45
So that to me, I think is what I'm really leaning into.
1:00:50
I mean, you know, look, before I had lots of like songs and film
1:00:56
and TV and things like that. And then, you know, and then
1:00:59
when I had my kiddo, like I was not, you know, running around,
1:01:03
you know, working on propelling that piece.
1:01:08
I was, I was home raising a human.
1:01:10
And when I went to pick it up again, I got, you know, I got
1:01:15
like, hey, you've been on pause for a little while.
1:01:18
So where's the relevance in your work?
1:01:20
And, and so that in that area, I would say it's been a little
1:01:27
quieter, but, but I think also just the, the success for me is
1:01:37
really around like my confidence in the creative work as well as
1:01:43
the infrastructure that I'm putting in place to actually
1:01:47
make sure it's getting out there and it's, you know, being heard
1:01:51
and the way it's being received by people.
1:01:53
So, you know, I don't know, I, I think it just looks different.
1:01:58
And, and I, I don't know that there's an easy way to, to
1:02:01
measure it because it's like, are you doing something that
1:02:03
makes you happy? And also, you know, are you
1:02:06
making a living doing it? You know, where do those two
1:02:09
pieces coincide? And do you feel good about your
1:02:13
life? And I would say I feel good
1:02:15
about my life right now, so. Well, that's a win.
1:02:21
There we go. That that's success for sure.
1:02:25
But that's amazing. Well, it seems like you're.
1:02:28
Yeah, I I love that. That definitely, yeah.
1:02:35
Is, I mean, look, we're, we're like, we're, we have a very
1:02:38
entertainment, we're like full of lots of ambitions.
1:02:41
And I think at the end of the day, nothing will ever be
1:02:44
enough. And so I think that's part of,
1:02:46
you know, the recognition around that is going like, no matter
1:02:49
what, you know, it's never going to be enough.
1:02:53
So the success has to be measured from like, how does it
1:02:57
feel here? Am I, you know, do I have a roof
1:03:00
over my head and am I happy in my life?
1:03:03
Am I finding the balance? And, and you know, that's,
1:03:08
that's, that's it for me right now.
1:03:09
You're you're. Raising a whole human.
1:03:12
You're home schooling, which seems like quite the feat.
1:03:19
It has been so lovely talking to you.
1:03:22
I'm so excited to share your your music and point people in
1:03:29
the direction of Mamas and music and I'm Eve and isolation album.
1:03:38
I can't wait to listen to that. I feel like that'll be a nice I
1:03:43
can turn off my phone. Yes, that's.
1:03:45
What we'll do? I feel like isolation, we
1:03:48
experienced that as mothers. So it's just like, that's good.
1:03:51
It's. All around.
1:03:52
It's for all of the things. It's never.
1:03:55
Ending different phases of isolation in life and
1:04:00
motherhood. And yeah, a nice listen.
1:04:04
I'm so excited to share that. And thank you.
1:04:06
This has been such a great conversation.
1:04:09
Yeah. Really enjoyed talking with you,
1:04:10
thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening
1:04:14
to this episode of Mommy Wood. Now, before you go, if Mommy
1:04:18
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The link to the Patreon is in the show notes.
1:04:52
I want to give a huge thank you to my producer and good friend
1:04:55
Cecilia for making Mommy Wood what it is and to Edith Mudge
1:05:00
for the Mommy Wood theme music. As always, thank you for being a
1:05:04
part of Mommy Wood. Please come be a part of the
1:05:08
village as well. I hope to see you there.