Latest / Dear Chelsea / Failure is the Best with Kelsea Ballerini

Transcript

Failure is the Best with Kelsea Ballerini · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, Hi Catherine, Oh, hello Chelsea, Hello our listeners. I
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: am currently in Maths Vinyad with my family Vaca, and
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: we have cousins coming. We have I just got here,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: so I'm solo and my family arrives and starts to
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: ruin everything probably in four to six days. And I
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: have my show coming up at the East Hampton club
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: House August twenty six, so that's right around the corner.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: If you haven't got tickets and you're in East Tampton,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: get them. It's an intimate show and there are still
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: tickets left, so I'm not really sure what that's about.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: But anyway, my family is coming and we added some people.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: I always like to add randoms into the mix on
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: family vacations because my family's always like that's kimming. It's
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: like none of your fucking business. So yeah, so we
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: but my cousins are coming this year. And my aunt Gabby,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: who's my queen bitch in our family. She's the one
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: who created the bitches in our family.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: We blame her her. Yeah, she's very antisocial.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: And yet she wants to be with everybody.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she likes to be there, but she doesn't want
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: to be in the mix. She wants everybody around her,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: just like my mom did. My mom would go upstairs
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: and bring a liverwort sandwich.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: It's like so gross.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't even go into her bedroom when she had
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: one of those until it was consumed, and she would
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: just keep her door open, and my mom would just
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: sit there and listen to us. She's like, the best
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: joy in my life is to listen to my family.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like, but not be interacting with any of us.
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: My dad is a little bit like your aunt where
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: he at family gatherings, like he loves to be there,
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: but he wants to like sit quietly in the corner
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: by himself and to sort of like watch everybody.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: Which is you know, just sort of weird dad move.
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: But now my sister's husband, who is friends with my dad,
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: he's kind of the same way, so they just like
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: sit quietly in the corner, and like, sometimes I'm.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Not interested in being quiet, like you know, if you're
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: I am, like, I like to be quiet, but in solitude.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: But like when you're in a family gathering, we have
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: too many people in our family that don't fucking talk
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: and they're not really yeah, yeah, my sister's husband barely talks.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Ever.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: My sister's son is very shy, but he's warming up
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: at the tender age of ten or twelve or thirteen.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I'm not really sure how old he is. I have
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: too many nieces and nephews to keep track, but he's
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: not ten. But yeah, we have there's a lot of quiet,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, we need action, you know, we need
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: action within the family, Chelsea.
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: I stumbled upon an architectural Digestive video of one of
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: your home tours, like your old house, and you're like,
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: really into design an architecture.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: I'm into it. I like what I like?
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I like, yes, I'm into it, but
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not like somebody you know, who's going.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: To be designing their own furniture.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Although I did design my new house in a way, yeah,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: I'm into design. I like very specific vibe when I
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: go somewhere and when I live somewhere. So yes, I'm
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: into soft contemporary, like I like modern.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: I do not like traditional. That's not my vibe.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Although my new house is kind of traditional. It is traditional,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: but we modernized it. So it's like it was white
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: and we painted it all black. My designer kept trying
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: to take me back down traditional fixtures, and I'm like,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: that's just not the way that I like things I
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: don't like.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: How do I say, like, how can I describe boring?
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: No, it's not boring because it's really nicely done in
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: certain people's homes.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: It's just not my style. Like, I don't want it
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: to feel family.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I want it to feel a bachelorette pad, you know
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: what I mean.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Like, I don't want it to feel like.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, everybody gather around the dinner table. It's like, I
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: don't sit at the fucking dinner table, you know. So
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: that's not in the main feature in my house, the
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: dining room. And I like it casual, but you know,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: nice stuff.
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And it seems like you like communal in a
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: way of you like to entertain and I like openness.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: I like everything to be open. I like lots of glass.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: I like a lot of black borders, you know, like
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: the stain the chrome, the stainless steel glass borders, glass
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: windows that have the black trim.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: I love that, yes, but I need it to be sexy. Yeah.
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: Do you think it's going to be done by the
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: time you come back when I'm homeless now?
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: So I mean I'm just basically, I'm like on the lamb.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I haven't had a home yet. It's supposed to be
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: done in September. I'll be in my Raca for the
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: month of September. After this, I go to Myorca after
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: my show in the Hamptons, and then I come back
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: and I do on my fall dates. So if you
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: haven't gotten tickets to shows in Columbus or Cincinnati or
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: New York or d C or any of these fun
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: places that I'm going get them.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: And I'm really looking forward to getting back on tour.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: It's so nice to do my stand up for three
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: months and then take a three month break and go
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: back to it. It's the best way to do stand
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: up so that you never for me, so I don't
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: get sick.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Of my own material.
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I can imagine you could burn out
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: because you're so busy and it's like so draining to
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: be traveling all the time at least.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but now I'm on vacation. I've been on vacation
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: for so long. My life has been so luscious. I'm
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: so grateful.
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  Speaker 3: Awesome.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: Okay, So our guest today is a personal friend of mine.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: I love and adore this girl. I shouldn't say girl.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: She's a woman, but to me, she's a girl because
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I'm so much older than her. She's a Grammy nominee
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  Speaker 1: and as CMA Award winning Pop Country Artist, and an
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: extended version of her new album Rolling Up the Welcome
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Matt came out this week. Please welcome Kelsey Ballerini. Oh
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: oh oh, there's my chequita banana, chaquita banana. Hi friend,
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, welcome home from that vacation.
• 5:18
  Speaker 5: Thank you, it was a nice little break.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Tell us about your vacation with Kenny Chesney.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: If you didn't have your new boyfriend there, I would
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: have thought you and Kenny had become a couple.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: FYI, that was a hot take.
• 5:29
  Speaker 6: For a minute. That was not true.
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: Kenny's He's become my brother, which sounds insane, but I'm
• 5:35
  Speaker 5: from Knoxville. He's from Knoxville, and I grew up listening
• 5:38
  Speaker 5: to him. So I had a song about my hometown
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: a couple of years ago, called half of My Hometown,
• 5:43
  Speaker 5: and I just like out of the blue Caldon.
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  Speaker 6: I was like, will you be on the song?
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  Speaker 5: He said yes, And just through that we became really
• 5:52
  Speaker 5: good friends and then I toured with him this last
• 5:55
  Speaker 5: summer and we just became family. And so he took
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: me to his house, which house.
• 6:01
  Speaker 6: Isn't even the right word.
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  Speaker 5: It's just like he owns like a full mountain range.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: Mountain is wild. This is Captain.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: By the way, my co host, so Kelsey and I
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: became friends because our name's Rhyme, and that was what
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: brought us together. Off the topic, I wanted to ask
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: you something about the country music industry because every time
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: I go to Nashville, I actually performed in your hometown
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: recently Knoxville, and it was the most fun ever.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: I mean, all the cities in Tennessee, I had the
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: best time. I went to Dollywood, I performed at Graceland.
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  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I was getting the
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: full Tennessee treatment. I was like, oh my god, if
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: I go to Tennessee and come out of this alive,
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  Speaker 1: it'll be a miracle.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: And then I did and they were the best audiences.
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  Speaker 1: Like I just every time I go to a community
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  Speaker 1: or a part of the country that I think is
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: going to be like, you know, resistant I end up
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: having the best shows.
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  Speaker 6: That makes me so happy.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: Yes, Well, so I guess my question is, so every
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: time I go to Nashville, which is you know, usually
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I warm up my tour there.
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  Speaker 2: I always go to Zanies Nashville.
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  Speaker 1: And the music community just shows up and droves to
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: my shows. And it's so sweet because I don't know
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: all of these people, but I know some of them,
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  Speaker 1: and I want to know, Like, I know you have
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  Speaker 1: a lot of friendships within the music community, but if
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: it feels like a much more supportive community, then, say,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Hollywood and actors and actresses, what do you think about
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: the support that you get from other country stars? Would
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  Speaker 1: you say that that's kind of the attitude across the
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  Speaker 1: board or what.
• 7:26
  Speaker 6: Yeah, there's a lot of camaraderie.
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: I mean, I feel like the last few years, just
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: like every other part of pop culture, there's definitely been
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: more division. People kind of pick teams and sides on things,
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  Speaker 5: and you've seen that in.
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  Speaker 6: Country for sure.
• 7:39
  Speaker 5: But yeah, I mean, like I look back, I've put
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: out my first thing, Old Radio nine years ago, and
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: kind of the biggest turning points of my career have
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: been mostly the women, some men, mostly the women that
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: I grew up on turning around and either reaching out
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  Speaker 5: their hand and being like, hey, come share my stage
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  Speaker 5: with me, or calling me out of the blue and
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: being like, what do you need, how are you steeling?
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  Speaker 5: Let me give you advice, And that to me is
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  Speaker 5: the most telling part of the country music that I
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: grew up on. That I was like, I stars in
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  Speaker 5: my eyes. I want to be part of that. It
• 8:11
  Speaker 5: was the warmth in the community that I felt when
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: I was listening on the radio, and that has translated
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: to me. I mean there's still like competitive energy.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I think there has to be listen to be successful,
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  Speaker 2: you have to be competitive.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: That's just the way it is. And it's really nothing
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: actually to be ashamed about. It's actually part of the motivation.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: It's when you're jealous or envious and you let that
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: come out more so than being just healthy competition.
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had to learn that too, just
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: especially as a woman in entertainment, especially country music. There's
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: such a deficit of space, I guess for us historically,
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: and so yeah, I've really had to retrain my brain
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: to go, am I feeling competitive with myself or in
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: a healthy manner with kind of where I'm matt in
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: my career and in the game, Or am I feeling
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: jealous because you know, historically there's only been three spots,
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: and there's thirty of us and we all deserve it.
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: So like I'm having to like undo a lot of
• 9:13
  Speaker 5: the things that I've sent in the last ten years
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: feeling really.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's also something to remember that it is
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: like a human It's a totally natural human emotion.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: It's what you do with it.
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: You can use it as a motivator, or you can
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: use it as a divider. And it's like, oh, the
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: people that learn that quick more quickly, you're better off
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: because you can get consumed by another person's success if
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: you're not where you want to be.
• 9:37
  Speaker 5: For sure, I had seasons of that too, but I
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: don't know, I feel like I've just recalibrated in my
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: life the last three years really, and I feel like
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: I got to kind of shed that skin because I
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: still I've pent a lot of that on my youth,
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: and I feel like the last few years I shed
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: that skin.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: The last time we saw each other in person, you
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: and I were both broken up with our significant others,
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: but we didn't tell each other because coming on we
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: were both You're like, how's Joe, And I was like great,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Meanwhile we were broken up because I was hosting guests,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: hosting Jimmy kimble This was almost a year ago, and
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Kelsey was on and I was like, how's yours and
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: she was like great, and we both were just like
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: we just couldn't even tell each other because it wasn't
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: public on my end and it wasn't public.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: On her end.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: And now we're a year out and you're in a
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: new relationship with your adorable boyfriend Chase, and you seem
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: happy as a pig and shit, So I want to
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: say I'm happy for you, and I want to ask you,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: what is it about this relationship that is making you
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: so abuliant?
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, Well, I was wondering if you were
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: going to bring that up, because we haven't talked about it,
• 10:37
  Speaker 5: but I think about that often because like I would
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: consider as friends, like we've offline, we've hung out, you
• 10:43
  Speaker 5: and I, And it was so funny to me that
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: we both went into our public personas.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: To give it context. We weren't hanging out alone.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: I had Kelsey on as a guest on Jimmy Kimmel,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: and yes, Joe and I literally had broken up like
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: the night before I started guest. So I wasn't telling
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: anyone really except because I was like, I was just
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: still just trying to focus on the job at hand,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: and you and we were backstage, and it was a moment.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: If you and I had been to dinner or something,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: we I'm sure we would have been a little bit
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: more honest, but yeah, we went into pure Hollywood bode.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I don't want my thing that week was I didn't
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: want anyone at on staff to know that I had
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: broken up with Joe because I didn't want them to
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: feel like I needed special It's.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: I didn't want I just I work best when I'm
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: under pressure and I have to hide something.
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: Both.
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I you know, to be honest with you, I
• 11:42
  Speaker 5: don't even think I think I was still kind of
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: in my turmoil, like I hadn't even gotten to the
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: place of like hitting the breaking point yet, but I'd say, yeah,
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: my life's a lot different than last.
• 11:51
  Speaker 6: Time we hung and thank god. I just feel.
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: Like making that decision for my life was really daunting
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: and scared for a lot of reasons. My parents got
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: divorced when I was twelve, and I'm an only child,
• 12:05
  Speaker 5: and navigating that was traumatic, and then also like growing
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: up in the South, growing up super religious, all these things,
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: being in a relationship with another public person in my industry,
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: like all these things were telling me like just figure
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: it out, stay.
• 12:18
  Speaker 6: Where you're at.
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: But everything in my heart and soul and body was
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: like this isn't it.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: You know, Yeah, good for you for following through on
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: what you need.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, and you're very young to be able to
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: even make that, especially being in the spotlight, Like it
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: adds a whole dimension of pressure.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, you and I have spoken about it.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, just you know, I'm always telling her
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: now that I'm older, like be yourself, Like you're only
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: going to get rewarded for being yourself. I was saying
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: this to Drew Barry more recently because I don't know
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: if you saw her New York magazine cover, but like she's,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: you know, the talk show. She's finally being rewarded after
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: probably so many notes and so many people telling her
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: how to do it, how to behave, how to be
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: less of herself on TV, and guess what, the only
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: thing that works is to be yourself.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Drew does want to sit on your lap and touch
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: your eyeballs. That's who she is.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: And so now the fact that the whole world gets
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: to see her shine because of her effervescence and because
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: of truly like her personality is so much more meaningful
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: than succeeding in somebody else's shoes that you're pretending are
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: your own.
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's the I kept going back to the
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: quote the right thing and the hard thing, or usually
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: the same thing. And so when you honor yourself and
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: you do the hard thing, that is the right thing.
• 13:30
  Speaker 6: I mean, my God, I.
• 13:32
  Speaker 5: Could tell you a million stories just in the last
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: eight nine months of just life, God, in the universe,
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: whatever you believe in rewarding me and making it very obvious,
• 13:42
  Speaker 5: and it's just been great and I'm super happy.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: I love that. I love that. Can you share one
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: of those stories with us? Oh?
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: God, yeah, this is my favorite. So I lived a
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: couple of years ago in Covidhead. I was downtown in
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: this area of Nashville called the Gulch.
• 13:56
  Speaker 6: It's like right between Music Grow and Broadway.
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: And it was nice because I was throwing all the time,
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: My ex was throwing all the time, and.
• 14:03
  Speaker 6: It was easy to just shut the door and leave it.
• 14:05
  Speaker 6: But then COVID happened and it.
• 14:07
  Speaker 5: Was like a ghost town and felt apocalyptic and I
• 14:09
  Speaker 5: have a dog. I was like, it's time for some
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: green a need dr so started looking for a house.
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: And I'm such a gut girl. I will follow my
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: gut into the depths of the universe. I don't care
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: if I'm wrong. I just I believe in trusting it.
• 14:23
  Speaker 5: And I found this house and before I walked from
• 14:25
  Speaker 5: the door, I was like, this is the house. This
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: is the house, and long story very short, didn't get
• 14:30
  Speaker 5: the house, bought a house point nine miles down the road,
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: and another artist who was going through a big life
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: change bought the house.
• 14:39
  Speaker 6: So in fast forward two years.
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: I been having you know, I'm going through divorce and
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: I just could texted this artist and I was like,
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: I don't know if you ever knew it was me
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: bitting against you, but it was. And I've always loved
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: this place. If you ever thought about selling it, would
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: you let me? Now? Two weeks later, I found my
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: dream home. Are you serious about the house? And long
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: story short, it's my house now?
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Oh oh ah? I love that.
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it was just like it wasn't meant to be mine.
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: Then it was meant to be mine now in like
• 15:10
  Speaker 5: this new chapter. So just like stuff like that over
• 15:12
  Speaker 5: and over again.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's always interesting when you like look at timing
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: of things, right it doesn't work out the way you
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: want it to, or what's that saying? Like God doesn't
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: come when you want him to, but he comes just
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: in time. I mean, I don't really subscribe to the God,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: but I understand that. It's like the universes does have
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: your back, Like things are working in your favor the
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: way in ways that are unseen and that will never understand.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: You just have to trust it, like you have to
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: trust in it right, which is a big leap sometimes.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: And I know that this, your most recent album, is
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: a testament to that because I know you've had like
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: experiences where you've been kind of directed about what kind
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: of music you should be putting out versus exactly authentically
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: what you want to say, and your breakup and everything
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: that's happened in your life led you to want to say, Okay,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: this is what I want to put out, And now
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: you're being celebrated for your music for that very reason
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: as well.
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's the same thing you were just talking about
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: with Drew. You know, I've always tried to be a
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: commercial country artist, but I also like, I grew up
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: on a farm in East Tennessee, but my first concert
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: was Britney Spears, and so I'm like, well, how do
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: I do this? Because I want to write music that
• 16:17
  Speaker 5: feels good to me and I think it's country, some
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: people don't, whatever, But I always wanted to fit in
• 16:23
  Speaker 5: a lane which is a country artist.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: And I do.
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: I always will ding my heels in here, but I
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: would write with people that would kind of keep me
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: in the lines, you know, and that kind of stuff.
• 16:32
  Speaker 6: And then this last project rolling up.
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: To welcome Matt, it had nothing to do. It doesn't
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: even count on my record deal, it doesn't count towards
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: my label. It was truly just a me project for therapy,
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: and it's been the most successful thing I've ever put out,
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: and so it's caused me to recalibrate in such a
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: major way of like my artistry, the way I share
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: what I want to share with the world, all of it.
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, man, I need to care less about
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: what it sounds like, if it rhymes correctly, all the
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: things that I've told myself that make the craft good
• 17:05
  Speaker 5: and just write the truth more.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: What do you mean it doesn't count towards your record deal?
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Like is it?
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: I mean it's under the same label, right, but it
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: doesn't count about what in terms of what you owe them?
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Like it's an extra that you just did ex Yeah yeah,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: cofy of that just in case I want to get
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: into the music industry. Everybody, I know everybody's waiting for
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: me to come out without a country rap album because
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: I can just see it now. So can you tell
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: me about some of the things about Chase that make
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: you so happy to be in this relationship or the
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: things that he brings out in you?
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: Mmm, I feel silly again, And that probably sounds stupid,
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: but it's like not hard to find the heaviness in life.
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: It's really hard to find the play. It's really hard
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: to find like the things that bring you back to
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: like your childlike self, that make you google and like
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: feels silly and I feel like I get to be silly.
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: And I've had that in my friendships and my female
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: friendships for years and they've always kind of been my
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: refuge when I don't feel that in my whole life.
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: But I have that very much. So with him, and
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: that's been really, really beautiful to reconnect to that part
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: of my relationship. I mean, I could tell you in
• 18:17
  Speaker 5: Milia's stories he's the best. We we talked for a
• 18:20
  Speaker 5: month and then we met and as soon as we met,
• 18:23
  Speaker 5: it was like we were in it. And the second
• 18:26
  Speaker 5: time we ever hung out, he asked me to be
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: his date to a wedding in Charleston, and I was like,
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: fair enough, I guess we'll figure out really quick if
• 18:34
  Speaker 5: we travel well together, if I like your friends, like
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: all these things.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: I was in.
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: Nashville, he was in LA and I had sent him
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: rolling at the walcome out before it came out, because
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: I'm like, you're gonna ask about this, so here you go.
• 18:47
  Speaker 5: And he messaged me and he was like, hey, I
• 18:50
  Speaker 5: was thinking maybe I could I could fly to Nashville
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: before Charleston. That way you don't to fly by yourself.
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: And I know, like your dog means a lot to you,
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: and I know you just gott in your new house
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: that you really love. I'd love to meet your dog
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: and whoever else you want me to and then we
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: can find together that way, like you don't have to
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: plan it, you don't have to think about it from
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: context clues.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: I'm attracted to him now I know.
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: And he's hot and he's nice and he loves his mom.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's very cute. That's cute, you know, That's
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: what I mean. It's nice to be pursued in that way.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: Also as a woman, you know, like everyone knows people
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: constantly are now like I'm hearing these arguments from my friends,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: but going on dates about like chivalry and men are like, well,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: we'll just split the check, you know, now that women
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: want equal rights, It's like wait, wait what what Like
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: there's still dating and courting, and like, come on, you
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: would do that in a same sex relationship, somebody would
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: take the lead, Like it doesn't have anything.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: To do with that. Don't take that shit away.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Like how hot is it to be on a date
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: and somebody say let's split the check? It's like, no,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: fuck you asshole, Like I mean, yeah, if I'm on
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: a date with somebody who actually that's not true because
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: I sometimes pick up the check before the man could
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: get it.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: But no, I wouldn't do it all date situation.
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: Not usually when you just want to get out of there, yes, exactly.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: When they're like, oh, where's the chuck im, I got it,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: let's go. Yeah, I made up. I did that in
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: New York recently, I was on a date and I
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: was like, no, this is no longer a date.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: And the check was taking the card down, yeah right away. Yeah.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I feel like one of the most important milestones was
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: literally having like my mom and my father tell me seriously,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: like how impressed they were with my drive and my success.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: And I feel like that is one of those seminal
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: moments when you do make it and you start to
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: really feel the success, to hear it from the people
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: that raised you.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: What do your parents have to say about your success.
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: It's interesting because my parents are really different. My mom
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: moved me to Nashville when I was fifteen to pursue music,
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: which was like her uprooting her life, her friends, all
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: that to get me here. My dad's still in Knoxville,
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: so my mom was she's walked much closer with me,
• 21:01
  Speaker 5: you know, this whole journey. She used to like drop
• 21:04
  Speaker 5: me off at meetings or co writes or whatever. So
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: my dad's farther removed from like the intricacies of this
• 21:09
  Speaker 5: whole thing, but he sees the big moments where my
• 21:11
  Speaker 5: Mom's kind of seen the whole thing, and I invite
• 21:14
  Speaker 5: them to different things, mainly for my own mental health.
• 21:17
  Speaker 5: I can't handle them in the same room. And so
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: I think because we're both I would say workhorses. Like
• 21:23
  Speaker 5: I like to be head down and go all the time.
• 21:26
  Speaker 5: There are not many moments that made me slow down
• 21:28
  Speaker 5: and look up, but a lot of the ones that
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: have are because my mom or my dad are in
• 21:34
  Speaker 5: Rome and I know that they're watching it.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:37
  Speaker 5: One was when I got inducted into the Grand Ole Opry.
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: I was like the newest member, the youngest member, and
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: my mom was there and I just knew. She bought
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: me tickets for Christmas one year when we still lived
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: in Knoxville to go to the Grand Ole Opry one year,
• 21:51
  Speaker 5: you know, like that full Ceverle moment I was like.
• 21:53
  Speaker 5: To be able to share that with her made me
• 21:56
  Speaker 5: look up. Being able to go back to my hometown
• 21:59
  Speaker 5: where my sweet dad was like, yeah, go you're fifteen,
• 22:02
  Speaker 5: but I get it. Go and play a hometown show
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: and like have him be there and like walk around
• 22:07
  Speaker 5: like the mayor because he was so proud.
• 22:09
  Speaker 6: Like that was the moment and then.
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: Me look up. So I definitely feel like the big
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: pillar moments so far have had him in the room.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's much more meaningful when you have somebody in
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: the audience. I know you don't have siblings. I have
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: so many, So those moments happen a lot. But it's
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: nice to know, like when you have someone special at
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: the show, like that you're performing for them, you know,
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: like you're like, look, look I peek.
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: Mok so big, especially when my friends are there, Like
• 22:33
  Speaker 5: I have like just a group of girlfriends that I'm
• 22:35
  Speaker 5: so right or die for, and when one of them
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: come out to a show, I mean I strut a
• 22:40
  Speaker 5: little stronger.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: Totally. That's so true.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, so we're gonna take a quick break. We'll be
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: right back and we're gonna take some callers. Okay, I'm ready,
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: So put your.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Therapy hat on. Girl, it's coming and we're back. We're
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: back so quick.
• 23:01
  Speaker 5: Lucky us.
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: Well, our first question comes from Harriet. She's not on
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: the phone, this is just an email. Harriet says, Dear Chelsea, Basically,
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: my father's dating a woman who's married and has a
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: whole other life in another province.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Province that means Canada.
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: My father is aware and they've been together for about
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: six years.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: Obviously the father's aware if she has a family.
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: If you're aware, the father's aware, I don't respect it.
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: But I am a person who works very hard to
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: keep the peace. I recently got engaged to my partner
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: of ten years, and his family is very religious. My
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: family is the opposite. I do not want my dad
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: bringing his quote unquote girlfriend to my wedding. My partner's
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: family is very interested in others' lives and ask a
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: lot of questions to people they meet, so I know
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: they'll ask about her life. My mom is remarried and
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: obviously will be bringing her new husband. My dad is
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: very sensitive, so I know he won't want to be alone.
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: But he's also very social and has many friends who
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: could attend with him. Basically, how can I keep the peace,
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: get my dad's girlfriend not to attend and not make
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: anyone feel bad?
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: Please help Harriet.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: First of all, your dad's girlfriend should not attend.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: No, Matt, She's married with a family, and that's all
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: you have to say to him. That is not acceptable
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: to be flaunting in front of a whole group of people.
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: I think if just one person that's acceptable to offend
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: it would be your dad on this one. You got
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: to throw a boundary down. It's your day. Don't avenge
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: yourself and don't avend your partner.
• 24:33
  Speaker 6: It's your moment.
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: You're going into a new chapter of real life. You
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: can't you can't bring that in. That's fine.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: And also I know it seems like there's billions of
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: people in the world, which they are, but like when
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: you're dealing with communities like that, him bringing his girlfriend,
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: everyone is gonna find out at some point that she's
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: married to someone else. There could be a chance that
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: somebody at the wedding knows her.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: And that what the fuck are you gonna do?
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: You don't even know every single person who's probably coming
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: to the wedding, who's bringing a place You don't know
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: one person, You don't know if every person doesn't know
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: this woman or won't connect the dots or won't figure
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: it out, like it's too dangerous of a situation and
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: all you have to do is position it to your
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: father as first of all, this is something that I
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: don't want overshadowing my special day.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: I don't want your affair that is illicit, she's married
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: to another person.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: I don't support that Obviously I want to keep the peace,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: but this is my day and I need you to
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: respect it.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: And that's it. Like he can't argue with you about
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: your wedding day.
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: And if he doesn't really respond to that, this might
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: be going for the jugular, but also saying you clearly
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: don't respect the boundaries of a marriage. You clearly don't
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: respect what that means. So why would I want that
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: energy in that room when I'm trying to.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Start that great, great point exactly boom yeah.
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: And I think even be specific about which one of
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: your dad's friends you would want to attend with him,
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: Like I love you know, quote unquote uncle Larry whatever.
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: Why don't you bring him? That would be you know,
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: he'd be great to have at the wedding. He's not
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: already invited whatever, and he'll.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: Have plenty to do.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: He's the father of the bride, Like, he's gonna have
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: plenty of people to interact with. And you know it's
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: not your this is your day. Do not forget that
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: this is the only day you get. Don't let it
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: be besmirched by something like Tawdrey like that. You know,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: if he wants to have an affair with a married woman. Fine, great,
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: but not at your wedding, agreed.
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: Our next question comes from Jessica. Jessica says, Dear Chelsea,
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: I'm not sure if I need your advice or if
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: I just need to be talked off the ledge. I
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: just ended my six year relationship. It was one of
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: the healthiest breakups I've ever had. We entered the relationship
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: knowing that I don't want to have kids, and he
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: is the fifth generation in his family, so he has
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: decided that he needs to have a son at some
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: point in his life. Since ending the relationship, I've found
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: the perfect place to live, started a new job I love,
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: and I've grown closer to my friends and family. I
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: feel so free, and I know us breaking up was
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: the right decision. Now here's the problem. We haven't even
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: been broken up for two months, and he's apparently dating
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: someone new and someone I know. I found out because
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: the girl he's dating posted a piece of furniture from
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: his house on Facebook marketplace for sale. Eventually, one of
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: our mutual friends admitted that they are in fact dating
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: and it seems like they'll be moving in together very soon.
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: Am I crazy to feel like I'm boiling over with
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: rage about this. I don't really feel like I'm jealous,
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: just pissed off. We've known this girl for a long time,
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: and it feels like she was waiting for the second
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: we broke up to pounce on him and move into
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: the house we lived in together. Do I even have
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: a right to be mad about this? I want to
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: act like I don't care so badly, but it's hard.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: We have a lot of mutual friends, and I know
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: i'll see him soon, and I do have a temper
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: and honestly don't really like holding my feelings back. I'm
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: concerned that when I see him, I might freak out
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: or at least throw around a snide remark or two.
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: Even though it didn't work out between us, I really
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: did love him, and with him moving on so fast,
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: it makes me feel insecure about how he felt about me.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: How should I control myself when I inevitably run into him.
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: I'm ready for any stage wisdom you're willing to give.
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: Thanks Jessica.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Wow, Okay, Well, luckily I've been through this exact same situation.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: Hi Jessica, Hi, how's it going?
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: Hi?
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Keatie.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: This is Kelsey Vallerini, our special guest today, amazing him.
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: Great to be eat both of you all.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: Hi, that's so annoying.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: First of all, it's so fucking annoying to spend six
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: years with somebody and then find out that two weeks
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: later that they're.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: Dating somebody else. Was it two weeks or two months?
• 28:30
  Speaker 7: It was two months, but they basically started dating right after.
• 28:35
  Speaker 7: I just found out two months later, so like it
• 28:38
  Speaker 7: pretty much was I media. I just found out a
• 28:40
  Speaker 7: little bit later. So it's lovely.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, Well, this exact situation happened to me, not exactly,
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: but very similar. I dated somebody for four years. I
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: broke up with them, and two weeks later they were
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: moving in with someone else. So I understand exactly how
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: you feel. And good fucking riddance, because that is not
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: the person for you. That says everything you need to
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: know about that person, everything you need to know. And
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: as you said in your letter, you knew you made
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: the right decision.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: You're in a new place. Don't let his weakness throw
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: you off kilter.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Now you have the full picture of the fact that
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: the decision you made was absolutely the right decision. Just
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: him being with someone, and of course there are feelings
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: and if you want to make a snide remark, fucking
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: go ahead.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Who gets a shit about that? You know what I mean?
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: It is silly, but he would take a lot of
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: pleasure in you being jealous about it.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: So remember that.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: You know, if you let him, if you let him
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: see your jealousy, then he'll be like, oh, yeah, I
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: got her.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: So it's up to you. But I mean, you absolutely
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: made the.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: Right decision in every way, right Kelsey, don't you agree?
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: The whole there was so much positive affirmation in the
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: beginning of that letter. I was like, there's no advice here,
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: and then I was like, Oh, my question is.
• 29:54
  Speaker 6: Are you close with the girl still?
• 29:57
  Speaker 5: So I was never really good friends with her.
• 29:59
  Speaker 7: They actually I know her through mutual friends, and then
• 30:03
  Speaker 7: he started hanging out with like another friend group towards
• 30:05
  Speaker 7: the end of our relationship, and she's in that friend
• 30:07
  Speaker 7: group right. So honestly, when we first started dating six
• 30:11
  Speaker 7: years ago, they were kind of hanging out, and I
• 30:15
  Speaker 7: think he kind of stopped talking to her then was
• 30:17
  Speaker 7: dating me.
• 30:18
  Speaker 5: So he's always been a little questionionable.
• 30:20
  Speaker 7: It just is unfortunate that we spent that much time
• 30:23
  Speaker 7: together and now he's dating the same girl.
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: Or like she was hanging out. I just feel really
• 30:28
  Speaker 5: weird about it all, so I don't know, well.
• 30:32
  Speaker 6: Her feelings are valid.
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: I would just say, like find a safe friend and
• 30:36
  Speaker 5: or scream into a pillow, because that is annoying. That's
• 30:39
  Speaker 5: super annoying and like low key a little bit shady.
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: But yeah, what Chel said, like, it's you're exactly where
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: you need to be, thank God, like to be with
• 30:48
  Speaker 5: someone for six years and.
• 30:49
  Speaker 6: Move on in two weeks. There was a disconnect. There
• 30:51
  Speaker 6: was a bigger disconnect that happened.
• 30:52
  Speaker 5: And the first page and a half of your letter
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: said that you are happier where you are now. So
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: just screaming to a pellow, talk to a friend, and
• 31:01
  Speaker 5: then stand in the place that you're at right now.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and if you see them, you know what would
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: really even drive him more mad is to be happy
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: for them to go. I'm so happy that you guys
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: found each other. I'm glad to hear that you're together,
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: even though it's a lie and you don't feel that way.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: That takes all of the emotion out of it, and
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: you're gonna walk away feeling so fucking good about yourself,
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: better than if you make a snide remark. You're gonna
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: feel empowered. You know, you're going to tell your friends
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: the truth, but he wants you to be upset. You
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: you know, you left him because you didn't want to
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: have a child, so obviously he can't be alone. This
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: is so many men cannot fucking be alone and they
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: can't even be a part, whereas women, we're alone and
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: we're so happy, we're like, oh, thank god, we have
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: this minute to breathe, and men are just kind of
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: weak like that, and like, if anything, it's like, I
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: know it hurts your feelings, but it won't for very long.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: I promise you're already like past the bad part of
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: your breakup and all of that. You're not gonna be
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: upset for a while, and it will be empowering for
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: you to just when you're able to see.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: Them, kind of give them your blessing.
• 32:06
  Speaker 7: I'm glad you said that, because I've been battling, like
• 32:08
  Speaker 7: I have a feeling I'm going to see them. Florida
• 32:11
  Speaker 7: is weird and small, so it's like I know I'm
• 32:13
  Speaker 7: going to bump into them at some point, and I
• 32:16
  Speaker 7: go back and forth like I want to have a
• 32:18
  Speaker 7: confrontational moment just to be like, this is really disrespectful
• 32:22
  Speaker 7: to me as a person, right, But I do want
• 32:24
  Speaker 7: to kind of just continue on because I'm not upset,
• 32:27
  Speaker 7: like you said, I'm not like sad the relationships over.
• 32:29
  Speaker 7: I know, we ended it because I didn't want a
• 32:31
  Speaker 7: family and that's apparently the only thing he needs in life.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because he doesn't want to be alone, so he
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: needs a family.
• 32:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah. So I think you're right, I just need to
• 32:41
  Speaker 5: kind of like move on.
• 32:42
  Speaker 7: It's so hard to hold that reaction in and that's
• 32:45
  Speaker 7: actually why I reached out, because I'm like, I know
• 32:47
  Speaker 7: you've been dealing with the reactivity, and I'm like, oh,
• 32:49
  Speaker 7: just take a breath. Don't acknowledge. It's probably the best
• 32:52
  Speaker 7: way to handle it. But it's hard sometimes it's.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Of course it's hard.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: And thank you for not saying reactionary, because people keep
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: saying that, and that's a civil or reenactor. It's reactivity,
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: not reactionary like that. People don't understand what that board means.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: First of all, you should get out of Florida as
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: soon as possible. But in the meantime, like I think, listen,
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: I'm looking at your face and I'm looking at your vibe.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: And your energy and your positive and your upbeat, like,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: don't belittle yourself by even saying anything negative to them. Obviously,
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: talk to your friends and just deal with it on
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: your own. And when you have these feelings, one of
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: the most powerful things you can do is to sit
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: with negative feelings and let them work through your body
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: instead of trying to stuff them away or distract or deflect.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: If you literally sit and think about how ikey this is,
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: you will be amazed at how quickly that feeling goes
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: away ton and yeah, and then you know, I had
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: my friends say to me once like, do you want
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: to be on your highest like soul path or do
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: you want to be down? Like you can let people
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: take you down by reacting to their negative behavior, or you.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: Can just be on a higher path and rise above it.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: And actually, when you do interact with them, be you know,
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: be as nice and fake or whatever it takes to
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: make sure that they know that they didn't get you
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: or that he didn't hurt you in that way. And
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: I promise you when you because that's really the right
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: thing to do. Anyway, it doesn't matter, it's not your
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: business anymore. He's not your boyfriend. He doesn't have to
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: protect you in the breakup, so you wish you would.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: But anybody who gets together with somebody that quickly isn't
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: worried about protecting you. They're worried about themselves. So I
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: think you're going to be pleased with yourself if you
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: just get to your higher soul path, so to speak,
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: and just do the right thing, you know, and not
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: be a cunt and just be cool.
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: I have to say, the petty part of me wants
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: to do both.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: It's so hard, but you have to understand it's an impulse.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: That's an impulse when you want to say something to somebody.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean it's right. It's just an impulse and
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: it feels good. But it doesn't feel as good as
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: taking the higher road.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: And that's true. It doesn't last as long that feeling.
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you can walk away and then say the petty
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: part to your friends afterwards.
• 34:56
  Speaker 7: It's really easy to be petty with him because I
• 34:58
  Speaker 7: don't know what's going on. But he like turn thirty
• 35:00
  Speaker 7: and then bought a mullet and dyed the tips of
• 35:02
  Speaker 7: the mullet blonde, and I just really truly don't know,
• 35:05
  Speaker 7: like what in the world is happening. So I'm happy
• 35:08
  Speaker 7: that's not the section of him I got, but it
• 35:11
  Speaker 7: does make it a little bit easier.
• 35:12
  Speaker 5: It's bizarre. Onward and awards, baby, not the mullet with
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: blonde tips.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, not anymore, no more. No.
• 35:22
  Speaker 5: I know that's some real Florida shit, But it is happening.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: How long?
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: But within what time frames did he'd get that mullet
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: and frosted tips after you broke up with him?
• 35:31
  Speaker 7: It was it was transitioning into a mullet towards the end,
• 35:35
  Speaker 7: and then we frosted the tips, like right when they
• 35:38
  Speaker 7: started dating.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: I think. Okay, so I really just to be happy
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: that this is over, you know what I mean.
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, if you judged so many bullets.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you doudged a lot of bullets.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: And just be happy that you're free, Be happy that
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: that's not you with him.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: Be happy.
• 35:55
  Speaker 5: I appreciate it. Yeah, that's great advice.
• 35:57
  Speaker 7: I definitely think, keep it inside, Let live their lives
• 36:00
  Speaker 7: and kind of move onward and upward, like you said,
• 36:03
  Speaker 7: so I appreciate it.
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: Okay, Thanks Jessica, thanks for calling.
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: Thanks so much. It's great to meet both of you. Hi,
• 36:10
  Speaker 5: Da isn't.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: It funny to see how happy people are when they
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: break up? She was just so happy.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: And she's not even she's upset about this, but she's
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: not really.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: She was all.
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: She got the post break up glow. Well, our next
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: caller is Gina. She is calling in from Wisconsin, she
• 36:36
  Speaker 4: says to you, Chelsea. Two months ago, I quit my
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: soul sucking job at a big four public accounting firm.
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: I felt so empowered by leaving, and I thought it
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: was a perfect time to do something. I truly love
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: architecture and design and exterior design. Not sure about you,
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: but I just about orgasm every time I skim my
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: architectural digest mags or scroll through the hundreds of design
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: accounts I follow on Instagram. I didn't pursue it in
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: college because I was afraid of risk of job and security,
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: sucking at it and ultimately not making any money. My
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: question lies between two different life paths. One getting a remote,
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: lonely accounting job that I may not see much growth
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: in as I don't plan to pursue the CPA like
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: my dad wants me to, but gives me flexibility to
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: travel or potentially buy an old home. I can fix
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: up myself, or staying in my hometown, getting a lower
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: paying accounting job and attending community college to get an
• 37:26
  Speaker 4: associate's degree in interior design. Although I've been looking at
• 37:30
  Speaker 4: programs to pursue elsewhere, I'm horrible at making decisions and
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: take everything into account to the point where I stay stagnant.
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: But I need to get a move on because I'm
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: twenty six and already started late. Recently, I've been living
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: by the lines of everything happens for a reason, and
• 37:44
  Speaker 4: you are where you're supposed to be. Yet here I
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: remain unemployed, living in the room I grow up in.
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: Would love your suggestions. Sincerely, Gina, Hi, Gena Dane, How
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: are you good?
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: This is Kelsey Ballerini. She's our guest today.
• 38:00
  Speaker 8: Hi. I know a song or two.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 38:04
  Speaker 6: I bet you do your country Brett.
• 38:07
  Speaker 8: I Ah, I'm going line dancing tonight. So if you're
• 38:10
  Speaker 8: Nana sing what's your bro not?
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: I love that big Ye.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: What's the name of that single? The most recent single Kelsey.
• 38:19
  Speaker 5: If you go down on going down to Yeah?
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: Because I was hearing it on the radio and I
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: hadn't heard it before.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: This was a few months ago and I was like,
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: oh my god, it was so fucking good.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: I'm like that sounds like Kelsey.
• 38:29
  Speaker 6: Oh maybe I don't know.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: It's hard to keep track anyway.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, So to your problem excuse on set, I feel
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: very passionately about following your passion and whatever it is
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: that you are most passionate about. Twenty six years old
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: is nothing you have time to explore. And I don't
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: think staying in an accounting job that just gives you
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: the freedom to get a house you're gonna like and
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: fix that up.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: That sounds like like a B plan, not an A plan. Right.
• 39:00
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I've kind of just gone with when my parents
• 39:03
  Speaker 8: kind of expected of me.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but don't do that.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: That's not important.
• 39:07
  Speaker 8: I'm gonna make excuses, but I'm I don't want to
• 39:10
  Speaker 8: say I'm the pride enjoy a family, but it's like
• 39:13
  Speaker 8: I have to. I'm at this pedestal. It's like I
• 39:16
  Speaker 8: have to have that stable, steady job that you know,
• 39:20
  Speaker 8: is the nine to five sort of thing that's gonna
• 39:22
  Speaker 8: have the four on one k all this bullshit stuff.
• 39:24
  Speaker 8: It's not bullshit, but it's like it's what's expected. So
• 39:28
  Speaker 8: I have to be that person. I feel so my
• 39:31
  Speaker 8: mom said.
• 39:31
  Speaker 4: Just to clarify, is that more of an expectations thing
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: or is it like you're actually providing for your folks
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: and your other siblings.
• 39:38
  Speaker 8: I guess it's the expectation. I don't know if it's
• 39:41
  Speaker 8: my purpose to be like their role model. I have
• 39:43
  Speaker 8: a twin sister, so like she's kind of doing whatever
• 39:45
  Speaker 8: she wants. I love how she's living, but.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: I think you do love how she's living because you're
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: taking on the responsibility that she's not taking on as
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: the oldest she's polt it in me bye a minute. Three, Okay,
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: well listen, it is not your responsibility to fulfill your parents' dreams.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: That's not why people have children. Even though people get
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: confused and it becomes very obfuscated, it is not your
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: reason for living to make your parents happy. They that's
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: what their life is for. You know, you have to
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: search for your happiness because I have to tell you,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: when you really are true to who you are, the rewards,
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: it's abundance, like rewards come your way when you follow
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: your true dreams. I mean, look, Kelsey and I were
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: just talking about this. You know, she's doing everything she
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: wants to be doing, and you're probably happier than you've
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: ever been Kelsey, Right.
• 40:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but I did have to make the decision to
• 40:37
  Speaker 5: not do what was expected of me. And I think
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: two things. I think I really would love to believe
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: in my heart arts that your parents just actually want
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: you to be happy.
• 40:47
  Speaker 6: And I think they've probably.
• 40:49
  Speaker 5: Projected what they've known to be sustainable to them in
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: their life onto you. That doesn't have to be what
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: you choose. And at the end of the day, you.
• 40:59
  Speaker 6: Have to tay the fear of failure out back.
• 41:02
  Speaker 5: Failure sometimes is like the best thing, but you have
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: to jump to know you know, and like twenty six,
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: I'm twenty nine and my life is unrecognizable in three
• 41:13
  Speaker 5: years from where I was at twenty six because I
• 41:15
  Speaker 5: decided to change it. And you just have to open
• 41:18
  Speaker 5: up to what you know is.
• 41:20
  Speaker 6: Right for you.
• 41:21
  Speaker 5: Because I listen to this podcast all the time, I'm
• 41:22
  Speaker 5: such a giant fan. And one thing both Catherine and
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: Chelsea talk about all the time is like we know
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: what's right if we're in tune with ourselves, we know
• 41:31
  Speaker 5: what we're meant to do, we know like the next step,
• 41:33
  Speaker 5: we know, Like there's this little gut feeling that I
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: have that I need to shift here, like and it
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: sounds like you know, so just trust yourself, trust yourself,
• 41:42
  Speaker 5: don't be scared to veil, and don't be scared to
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: disappoint your parents, because at the end of the.
• 41:46
  Speaker 6: Day, you're not honoring your knowing.
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: This right now and your happiness is pursuing what's going
• 41:52
  Speaker 5: to make you feel fulfilled.
• 41:54
  Speaker 6: And at the end of the day, I really want
• 41:56
  Speaker 6: to believe your parents.
• 41:56
  Speaker 8: Want you to be happy. I think now kind of
• 41:59
  Speaker 8: the goal is to not the goals to disappoint them,
• 42:02
  Speaker 8: but the goals to like do the opposite, do what
• 42:05
  Speaker 8: I want to do, and not fare so much about
• 42:08
  Speaker 8: what they or their friends think because it doesn't matter
• 42:13
  Speaker 8: and it's just going to keep me more unhappy than
• 42:16
  Speaker 8: where I am. So luckily, like I've really come to
• 42:20
  Speaker 8: know myself and like become the person that I want
• 42:23
  Speaker 8: to be. It's just finding where I belong and what's
• 42:27
  Speaker 8: really going to push sheet out of that box even farther.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: But I think you describe like what your passion is,
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: you know, which is design, architecture. You're interested in all
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: of those things, and it's a good example to set
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: for your younger siblings and your family anyway. Sounds like
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: you're going to have a conversation with your parents about
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: it anyway because of your a close relationship with them.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: But you know, in speaking with your parents, it's like,
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: I have to go after my dreams, like I have to.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna support myself while I pursue my dreams. This
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: isn't a reflection on or this isn't an indicator that
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: you're gonna have to start supporting me or I need
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: your financial help. Right, You can do all of this
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: on your own, correct, Yes? Yeah, So there's really not
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: any input from them that has any merit in my opinion,
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: because you're not living your life for them, and there's
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: so many regrets that come with that, and so many
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: people who are older that didn't go pursue their passion
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: and now they're forty five and forty six and looking
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: at what you're looking at. So you have to take
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: your age into consideration. There is no bad decision. You're
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: going to succeed, you know what I mean. You just
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: have to make a decision.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: When you say you're bad at.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: Decision making, the key ingredient to making a decision is
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: making one and going for it. You know what, I mean,
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: it's not one is going to be the best or
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: the other. It's like, what do you feel is your purpose?
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: And it's very clear that you know and I have
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: identified what that is. And by the way, that's a
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: huge advantage too. So many people don't even know at
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: your age what they want to do or where they
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: want to be. So I think you should look at
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: it in terms of setting an example for your younger
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: siblings and for your sister or your twin, and even
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: for your parents, like I'm doing this my way. I'm
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: going to do it, go after my dreams and support
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: yourself by going to community college and studying design. I
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: think that's a great idea and I think you're going
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: to be much more fulfilled.
• 44:15
  Speaker 4: There's often a stepping stone, like Chelsea said, like making
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: a decision, taking a step. Maybe it's not interior or
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: exterior design that you're going to be and maybe it's
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: something beyond that. For me, I was like throwing shit
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: at the wall seeing what would stick. I thought voiceover
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: was the next thing for me, and then I was like, wait,
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: if I can edit my own voiceovers, I can start
• 44:32
  Speaker 4: a podcast. Started podcasting, and here I am.
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: Here's another thing too.
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: Parents.
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: Sometimes the things you think that they expect of you
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: are all in your head. One of the best days
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: of my life. My dad's a lawyer, my aunt's a lawyer,
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: my sister's a lawyer, my sister's graduation from law school.
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: I had all these expectations about what my parents wanted
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: for me, and my dad said to me, you know,
• 44:53
  Speaker 4: I actually don't think that you would like fit really
• 44:55
  Speaker 4: well as a traditional lawyer of any kind.
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: And I was like, thank god.
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: I I thought he had this expectation of me that
• 45:01
  Speaker 4: I was gonna, you know, go to law school whatever,
• 45:03
  Speaker 4: or that I was a failure if I didn't, and
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: he was like, no, no, that's not for you. So
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: sometimes it really is like coming from us, even though
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: we think it's our parents' expectation.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: And it's also very typical for the oldest sibling, even
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: though you're your twin is three minutes older than you,
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: like you're considered one of the oldest. It's very typical
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: for you to feel this kind of sense of responsibility
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: to your parents. And that's just the architecture of a family.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: You know, the oldest is supposed to be the most responsible,
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: and then it falls apart as you go down. Like
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: for me, I never once thought about what my parents
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: wanted for me. I'm like, I have my plan. I
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: knew what was happening from a very young age. I'm like,
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: this is what I'm gonna do. And their opinion had
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: no impact on me whatsoever. In fact, when I said,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: I went to community college for like half a semester
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I think I'm going to move
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: to Los Angeles, like I feel like I should just
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: be famous or something. I was nineteen years old, and
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: my parents.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: Were like, go, please go.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: That's exactly where you belong with those lunatics in California,
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: you know, Los Angeles. So you're just letting all this pressure,
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's the pressure of being
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: the oldest, it's the pressure of being like modeling the behavior.
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: But I would say that you have an opportunity to
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: really model true happiness and go after what you want.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: So the decision has been made and that's what you're
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: gonna do.
• 46:15
  Speaker 5: Do it.
• 46:16
  Speaker 6: Okay, Okay, thanks, and.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Your parents have a problem, tell them to call into
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: the podcast.
• 46:21
  Speaker 5: Oh I will, I'll send them your way have fun
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: line dancing.
• 46:26
  Speaker 6: Yeah, thank you.
• 46:28
  Speaker 8: I'm going by myself. But that's fine. Shouldn't have disclosed that.
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: I like that too. Good for you. You're a ballsy
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 46:36
  Speaker 8: Thank you.
• 46:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, doing new things this year, so I like it
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: fun to have fun.
• 46:43
  Speaker 6: Thanks for taking my calls. So great to meet you all.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, Artina fight well.
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: Our last question comes from Kate. She says, Dear Chelsea,
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: I'm a huge new fan of the show, and something
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: I've noticed both of you mentioned during the advice segment
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: is how I and it is to trust your gut
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: and follow your instincts. Here we are again. This is
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: an idea I've heard time and again from people I admire,
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: but I've literally never been able to understand it on
• 47:09
  Speaker 4: a personal level. As someone who lives with chronic anxiety,
• 47:12
  Speaker 4: it seems like those times I think I have a
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: gut feeling, it's proven wrong and is actually just my
• 47:18
  Speaker 4: anxiety talking. So my question is how do I differentiate
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: between my gut instincts and anxious thoughts. My doctor has
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: diagnosed me with anxiety and I'm on medication. While this
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: certainly makes my anxiety manageable, I still deal with it
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: internally on a daily basis because I know you'll ask.
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: I'm not in therapy, and I hope and plan to
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: regularly see a therapist someday, but it isn't financially viable
• 47:39
  Speaker 4: for me at this point in my life. Thank you
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: so much for all the entertainment and inspiration you've given me.
• 47:44
  Speaker 4: Your podcast is such a light in my life, and
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: I cherish hearing your insights each week.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: Much love, Kate.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, Kelsey, what do you think about that?
• 47:51
  Speaker 5: Ooh? I would say having people that know you well
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: they can hold you accountable and help you decipher between
• 47:59
  Speaker 5: the two until you kind of get into a rhythm
• 48:01
  Speaker 5: where you learn to trust yourself and decipher for yourself,
• 48:04
  Speaker 5: whether it's a dear friend or a family member or
• 48:07
  Speaker 5: a therapist, which I think is a great idea to
• 48:10
  Speaker 5: bring those gut feelings or thoughts to and say, you know.
• 48:13
  Speaker 6: Me, what do you think this is?
• 48:15
  Speaker 5: Can you help me kind of relearn to trust myself
• 48:18
  Speaker 5: and decipher between the two. I feel really strongly about
• 48:22
  Speaker 5: reaching out to the people that know you deeply and
• 48:25
  Speaker 5: giving them that responsibility like they've given you in their
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: life too.
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a nice idea too.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: I think also with anxiety, you know there's impulse and
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: there's instinct, and those are two different things, and anxiety
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: can make you feel very impulsive.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: So like, if you're deciding.
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: Between two things and you have to figure it out right,
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: it's good to say, Okay, I'm going to sit with
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: myself and here are my two options, right, and then
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: do it not once, but you have to repeat this
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: exercise over and over, Like you give yourself ten minutes
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: just to think with a thought, like to try and
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: understand what your actual gut is telling you. Because anxiety
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: is repetitive and it will keep telling you the same thing.
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: But eventually, if you give it time instead of just
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: giving it one opportunity, I feel like the growth that you'll.
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: Have in the answer will come.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: So I would say to sit down with this idea,
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: say like five days in a row, and just go, Okay,
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna sit with this and try to recognize
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: where your anxious thoughts are coming. And you might be
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: surprised at the way that they abate. Once you give
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: yourself enough time with the subject matter and the decision
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: you're making, your anxiety will quiet. From what I've learned
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: about anxiety, the more time you give it with the
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: same question. So instead of answering something as a one
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: off or like oh I gotta do this, revisit it,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: keep asking yourself what do I do, and not throughout
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: the day like that's your anxiety. You have to set
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: aside a time and be like, Okay, I'm going to
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: think about this.
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: If you like to write it out, that's great.
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: If you just want to sit with yourself kind of
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: like a meditation, but you're not meditating, You're just thinking
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: about what the decision is and trying to hear your
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: anxious thoughts versus your gut and I think the anxiety
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: will quiet if you just keep revisiting it.
• 50:10
  Speaker 6: That's great advice For me.
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: Something that helps is asking myself literally to the feeling
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: that's coming up.
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: You ask yourself, what are you trying to tell me?
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: And when you ask it that somehow the anxiety kind
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: of falls away or you realize, oh, I'm this is
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: a gut feeling I'm having, but I'm anxious about the
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: gut feeling of like Okay, I need to go do
• 50:30
  Speaker 4: this new, fun, exciting thing that's a little bit scary.
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: You might be having anxiety about that, but underneath, you
• 50:37
  Speaker 4: know what your gut is telling you. So I think, yeah,
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: getting still checking in with a friend like seeing is
• 50:43
  Speaker 4: this anxiety or is this the path forward?
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: And I think recognizing Something that really helped me is impulse.
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: Understanding what impulse is is an immediate reaction. You kind
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: of want to like, oh, there's a situation and you have.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: To act now. No, no, no, you don't. Most of
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: the time.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: You don't unless there's a fucking fire, you know, like,
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: you actually don't have to act now. And the longer
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: the amount of time, the longer duration of time you
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: give yourself, the better you get at coming to it, like,
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: you know, a sound conclusion. So I think time and yeah,
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: I guess that's it. That does make sense.
• 51:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, awesome, Well, thank you for writing in, k thank
• 51:19
  Speaker 4: you for writing in.
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: Do we want to take a quick break and we'll
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: wrap up?
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, and we're back. We're wrapping up with Kelsey Ballerini.
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: Kelsey, So wait and.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: Kelsey and Chelsea Ballerini, tell me about some of the
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: places that you're excited to go that you've never been.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: Are there any places that you haven't been yet?
• 51:42
  Speaker 5: Well, I'm doing headlining again, which is nice, so I'm
• 51:44
  Speaker 5: kind of in like the in between venues. So I'm
• 51:47
  Speaker 5: doing like the Santa Barbara Bowl, like all these beautiful
• 51:49
  Speaker 5: like that is the best venue.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: The Santa Barbara Bowl is the best venue.
• 51:54
  Speaker 6: I can't wait. I can't wait.
• 51:55
  Speaker 5: It's all less post the letter is gonna be great,
• 51:58
  Speaker 5: So I start there. And then also I'm dropping an
• 52:01
  Speaker 5: extended version of the EP that we were talking about earlier,
• 52:05
  Speaker 5: the Rolling Up the Welcome Matt with some of the
• 52:07
  Speaker 5: stuff that's just become a fun thing during the shows
• 52:09
  Speaker 5: or like my SNL performance, some live versions of stuff.
• 52:13
  Speaker 5: I'm really excited about that too.
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: Where did you come up with the title rolling Up
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: the Welcome at.
• 52:18
  Speaker 5: It's in one of the songs called Penthouse and kind
• 52:22
  Speaker 5: of the this is an awful word to use, and
• 52:23
  Speaker 5: I don't know why I'm picking this word, but the climax,
• 52:26
  Speaker 5: what of the Holy key is?
• 52:29
  Speaker 6: I hope is that line?
• 52:31
  Speaker 5: It says and it stings rolling up the Welcome Matt
• 52:34
  Speaker 5: and knowing you got half. So that's kind of like
• 52:36
  Speaker 5: the big bomb of the whole thing. So I wanted
• 52:39
  Speaker 5: to kind of just make that the centerpiece.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: And do you write all your music, Elsie?
• 52:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I write everything, and I've I've kind of gotten
• 52:47
  Speaker 5: into the game of co writing a lot because Nashville's
• 52:50
  Speaker 5: built around that. Yeah, I love that, I did too,
• 52:53
  Speaker 5: but I will I will stay the EP. I wrote
• 52:56
  Speaker 5: the whole thing, either by myself or with one other person.
• 52:59
  Speaker 5: I've made a whole thing was one other woman, from
• 53:02
  Speaker 5: production to instrumentation to songwriting. So it was like the
• 53:06
  Speaker 5: most close to the chest thing I've gotten to do.
• 53:08
  Speaker 5: And it brought me back to trusting myself as a
• 53:10
  Speaker 5: songwriter too, which is nice.
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, I love it.
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy for all your success. You can go
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: see Kelsey on tour.
• 53:16
  Speaker 6: Please do.
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: She's delightful. I love you, honey, Thank you so much.
• 53:21
  Speaker 5: You're just being my friends.
• 53:22
  Speaker 6: Nice to meet Yocath.
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: Likewise, bye, thanks so much, by y'all.
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: Bye y'all.
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, guys, we have added more shows to my Little
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: Big Bitch tour because I'm coming all over. We add
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: a second show at the Pantagius in Los Angeles, so
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: that's October twelfth and Friday at thirteenth. We added a
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: second show in Boston at the Waging Center. September twenty
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: ninth and thirtieth is two shows in New York. I
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: also have a show in Eastthampton, New York, August twenty six.
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: We added a.
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: Second show in Portland, So Thursday November tewod Friday November third,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: and Portland November fourth and fifth.
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: In San Francisco two shows there. We added a second show.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: Seattle November tenth and eleventh. Two shows Boston are November
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: sixteenth and seventeenth at the Boch Center Wang Theater. And
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: so many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville.
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: So I will see everybody at all of these shows.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.
• 54:29
  Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 54:37
  Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: com