Latest / The Inner Wealth Podcast / Ep178. The Power of Allowing—Balancing the Cycles of Giving and Receiving.

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Ep178. The Power of Allowing—Balancing the Cycles of Giving and Receiving. · The Inner Wealth Podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Do you ever wake up feeling like there's something missing in your life?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Do you ever feel the need to escape your business?
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Are you running your life or is your life running you?
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I'm Mike Kitko and I'll help you design and create a life so authentic and aligned with who you really are that you'll get excited just to wake up.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I'll help you create real wealth, success and freedom from the inside out.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Inner Wealth Podcast, where we learn and choose to live inspired each and every day.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: This episode is scheduled to be published on December 26th, and that's the day after Christmas and the day after Hanukkah begins.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Now, this is significant in my mind for a reason, and the significance is why I'm in the personal significance.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: How this has shown up in my life and how it shows up in the lives of people that I work with from time to time, more so than not, is the struggles that a human being can experience in life.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Because of this message is the reason why I'm publishing it and to eliminate, first of all, to bring awareness.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Second of all, to kind of help you eliminate this issue if you're ready to do so and if you're experiencing it.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: If you have experienced it and maybe you're on the opposite side of it and this is a greater awareness for you to see the balancing of life and how you know the interplay, the yin yang of life, the giving and the receiving.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: So the issue that I want to discuss is and I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to kind of reflect on it for a second which is it better to do, to give or receive?
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: I'll give you a second to just ponder that.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: I'll give you a second to just ponder that If you're conditioned, like most of society, the first thing that you're going to say is it's better to give.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: And I agree that giving is awesome.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Giving is amazing and it brings fulfillment and it brings significance and it brings impact and it allows you to pour yourself into other people and make a difference in the lives of other people and bring something special into their lives.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: But to think that giving is better than receiving is it's a limiting belief.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: It's a limiting belief.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: It's a false belief.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: It creates resistance in life that doesn't really exist.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: See, the idea that giving is better than receiving came from people who never allowed themselves to receive.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: It became almost shameful and like they felt guilty for receiving.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: It's almost like, at some point in society, in some point in this development that has been humanity, we've kind of come to an idea and to a realization a false realization that we are here to almost be martyrs for other people and that martyrdom and giving and sacrifice and just showing up for other people and making life about other people there was some prestige in that, there was some honor, there was some glory, like sacrificing ourself was how we were supposed to do this life thing.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: And from this almost glorification and glamorization of being a sacrificial lamb, of being a martyr, of just compromising ourself so that other people can have everything that they want, it started to create and it started a cycle of pain and it started to create pain in the world Because there's a lot of people in this world who don't have what they need, who don't have what they want.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: And I would challenge and I would maybe help bend your mind a little bit and give you a perspective that in a lot of cases the reason that people don't have and they don't have what they want and they don't have what they need is because they won't accept what they have and they won't allow what they want and what they need, they won't embrace it, they won't allow it into their lives.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: And I know the first thought for most people are going to be yeah, but people, if they could have what they wanted, they would.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: If they could have what they wanted, they would.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: If they didn't have what they needed, they would.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: But in a lot of cases, it's our limiting beliefs.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: In most cases, it's our limiting beliefs that create our circumstances and in all cases, it's our beliefs that create our circumstances and in most cases, our limiting beliefs are the reason for our struggles and for our challenges.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Now, the reason I started off this podcast episode is because it's Christmas time and Hanukkah time, and this is like the time of year where gift giving and my wife and I just went to the mall yesterday and I love going to the mall at Christmas time.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I love it, I love the energy, I love the sounds, I love the sights.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I love just the feeling of being in the mall at Christmas.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I love seeing people, just I love commerce, but I love seeing people in the spirit of Christmas.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: And at Christmas time, at Hanukkah time, gift giving is the norm and there's a lot of people that get excited to give and almost at times, when it comes to receive, maybe pay attention to the feeling of guilt or shame that you might experience.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: We, almost we, almost some people and I see it myself and others almost feel not regretful but shameful, like almost reject receiving and don't completely allow it into their lives.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: It's almost like receiving goodness from someone else is a guilty act and this shows up in a lot of ways in a lot of cases, and it shows up in very subtle forms of compromise in people's lives.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: When someone think of all the ways that we get to receive.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: We receive materially, we receive financially, we receive socially, we receive sexually.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: We can receive in so many different ways and how you show up in one area of life is how you show up in others and think about this how many times have you complimented someone and then they've almost rejected that compliment?
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Hey, your hair looks nice today.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, no, it doesn't, I'm having a bad hair day.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: It's like they gave you a compliment and you wouldn't receive it.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Someone says, hey, I love that sweater.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, I got this thing on clearance.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: And they start to excuse it and they start to freaking, not demean it, but they start to minimize it, they start to find a way to not just receive, when you won't receive a compliment easily and naturally, and just allow it into your life, allow it into your heart that it's likely that you're not allowing goodness in a lot of different measures into your life.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: It is not better to give than receive.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: They are equals and while most people are trying to give, not everyone is willing to receive and sometimes if you package a gift for someone and hand it to them, it's almost like sometimes they're trying to push it away.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: A compliment you know some sexual shame where asking for and receiving pleasure is.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: In some cases we look to pour into somebody else shamelessly but we feel shameful for receiving the same object of the thing that we're pouring into someone else.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: And the reason we're in a lot of cases, the reason that we're so willing to pour into other people, is because we won't allow others to pour into us and we're actually giving them what we want, but we won't allow others to pour into us and we're actually giving them what we want but we won't allow ourselves to have.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: If you're overly complimentary to people and you go out of your way to compliment people, it's likely because you are looking for some kind of affirmation or you are looking and seeking compliments or validation or something.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: If you give a lot materially, it's likely that you want to receive materially.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: If you give constantly sexually, it's likely because you want to receive sexually.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: If you're very generous with your money, most likely there's some kind of receptive issue Not always, but at times.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I don't love the book the Five Love Languages.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I don't love the concept of always reading people and giving them exactly what they need and what they want at your expense.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: I don't buy that.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: I believe it's each of our duty, our obligation to ask for what we want in the way that we want it and the way we need it, without the expectation that someone be something for us, even if it's not their true nature or authenticity.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: But in the five love languages, the one thing that really connects deeply is we give the love language that we hold.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: We give what we want.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: We give others what we deeply desire and it's our love language, is the way we pour into people.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I am an acts of service guy.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I love to cook for my family.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I love to shop for my family.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I love cleaning up after my family, like dinner I love.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: I love taking care of things for my family.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I love making like making an easier path for them, because ultimately that's what I want.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I want people to.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: I've always wanted people to make my life easier, so I go out of my way to make their life easier.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I go out of my way to rearrange the world in a way that makes my family's navigation of life easier, where they meet less resistance and ultimately at a very, very deep level.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: That's always what I've desired and a lot of that comes from the fact that when I was a child and in my early childhood conditioning, no one made things easier for me.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: In fact, people it almost looks like.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: It appears like people intentionally made things harder for me and it's almost like I felt as a child that people were disempowering me on a regular basis.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: So now I go out of my way to empower people.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Now I go out of my way to resolve roadblocks and obstacles and challenges for people to make their life easier, to help them experience less resistance in life.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: I'm giving ultimately what I want from everybody else, what I want from life, and we give our love language to the world.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: I hope you see this give our love language to the world.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I hope you see this Touch.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I give tons of hugs, I'm constantly hugging people because I love physical touch and that's what I crave.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: And those are my two love languages right there Acts of service and touch.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: If you give presence, if you're constantly thinking and you're surprising people, it's because, deep down, you want surprises, you want gifts, you are a materially driven person.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Words of affirmation If you're complimentary to people and if you're constantly affirming them, it's because that's what you want.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: I hope this is making sense.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: That's what you want.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I hope this is making sense.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: And what happens is oftentimes we don't.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: In people that struggle to get what they want, it's because they want it but they won't allow themselves to have it.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: It's almost like, subconsciously, the allowing, the receiving valve has shut off.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: If there's something in our lives that we want but we can't seem to access life, where some circumstance, whether it be financially, whether it be materially, whether it be socially, whether it be relationally, whether it be sexually if you take a look at the cyclical nature of this, where maybe sometimes you have it and sometimes you don't, and you crave it always, but sometimes there's the absence of that thing that you want, then likely, I want you to dive really deep into your belief system, into your thoughts, into your emotions, and look and analyze and reflect on whether you willingly and, I guess, easily expect and allow that thing to be in your life and allow that thing to be in your life.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: I can say, you know, when I was a kid and when I was in my teenage years, I didn't have a first date until I was 18 years old.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 18 years old because I wouldn't allow myself to receive somebody else's attention, somebody else's love.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: It's like I felt invisible in the world.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: It's like I felt completely unattractive and because of that lack of attraction that I felt I wouldn't allow into my life.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: And even when I did get my first girlfriend, all I did for you know, for I think we were together almost two years all I did was pour into her and give her everything and I wouldn't receive.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: And I kept.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I I've in my life, I've kept attracting.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: I have attracted people that that sometimes not all people, but I at a high level.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I attract a lot of takers in my life and people that are after something and who will easily receive and allow me to continue to pour into them without reciprocity, because somewhere in my subconscious programming or conditioning, somewhere in there there's a little corrupt file that says you can't receive.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: And I can look back into my childhood programming, my childhood experience, when there was a birthday party or when there was Christmas and I was really excited about something that I'd gotten.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: It's like my family worked hard to shut my excitement down and I'm not a victim of these things.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: This is my life path.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: This is the purpose of my life is to sort out all of these things.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: But if you look at your life, I would challenge.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: In some cases some of this stuff might be showing up for you too.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Maybe you haven't balanced giving and receiving, maybe you're a giver at the expense of receiving and maybe you're a receiver at the expense of giving and you haven't felt the joy and the fulfillment, in the balance of these things, of the creativity and receptivity, of the cycles, the natural cycles of creativity and receptivity.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: And if your life is not a constant cycle of creativity, receptivity, giving and receiving financially, materially, sexually, socially, relationally, physically if you don't quite experience a natural cycle of easily and effortlessly flowing in from creativity to receptivity, with both of them being part of your experience and your existence.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: I would have you dive deep into your belief system and see what you really feel about giving and receiving.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I remember when I got my first massage it was about five years ago and I was up to that point I was a really rough, tough guy and I was nobody.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Massages are for wimps.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: And I remember my back went out, my lower back, and my wife scheduled me a massage because I was almost crippled, it felt, and she scheduled my first massage.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: And after I got that massage, or when I was on the table, what I realized is I really, really love being touched.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I love massages and, trust me, they're all on the up and up and there was no happy endings, but I love when someone puts their hands on me.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: I love that touch.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: I love that feeling of deep, deep, connected touch.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: And massage is just an avenue to be, for someone else to take care of you and focus all their attention and all their other energy, all their effort, onto you for a period of time as part of their vocation.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: And I remember when I got my first massage and I immediately I fell in love with that, the practice, and immediately I like bought five you know five more massages.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: I bought a package and after a while and it was the same masseuse every time and after a while I realized that she had a pattern.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: She would do, you know, one, one arm, and then the next arm, and then then one leg and the next leg, and you know, and she had a pattern, a rhythm of how she actually, you know, nurtured the whole body.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: And I can recognize patterns, I have high pattern recognition skills and I recognized the pattern and I started to anticipate when I kept going to this massage and I started to anticipate.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: When I kept kept going to this massage, I started to anticipate exactly where she was going to go next and when she was finished with one body part and where she was going to go with next.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: And I started to like, when she was finished with my, my left arm, I would lift up my right arm because I knew she was, she was going to go to the right arm.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Or when she was finished, you know, my, my, my lower back, I knew she was going to go to the right arm.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Or when she was finished, my lower back, I knew she was.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Or my back of my leg, she was going to ask me to flip and I'd start flipping, without her even saying anything.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: And although that sounds like an awesome thing and I was trying to make her job easier, after about the third or fourth session she said Mike, you stop trying to help me.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: This is your 90 minute massage.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: You are here for me to completely, completely pour into you and you are not to help me.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: I will aid you where I need, where, where I need something moved, or I will, I will initiate the moved, or I will initiate the movement.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I will initiate the service of these body parts.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: You just and all on the up and up guys, so don't let your mind go there.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: But you just lay there and receive for 90 minutes and if I need you to flip over, I can't flip over for you.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to ask you to flip over, but everything else, you just sit there and let me serve you.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: And what I realized in that day when, when she said that, what I realized is my just about my entire life has been about making other people's lives easier and, although that sounds awesome has been about making other people's lives easier, and although that sounds awesome, most times I did it at the expense of my life.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: I made their life easier, but at the same time, my life got harder, because I was trying to make their life easier and I was compromising myself to please others, to make somebody else's life easier, and I wouldn't allow myself to fully receive the goodness in return.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: And we are here not just to give, not just to be of service, not just to provide impact, not just to provide for others, not just to give others, not just to gift others.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: We are not here just to make other people's lives easier that is an awesome part of life but we are also here to receive the same, because there's over 8 billion people on the planet and if everybody's trying to give and nobody's receiving, then there's nobody to give that's going to be able to give anything to anybody.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: And it starts with just look at how you receive.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: If you receive compliments, because how you receive, or if you receive, if you receive easily, or if you reject them or if you push them away, if you can't receive a compliment, I guarantee you there's a lot more that you're not allowing yourself to receive.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Maybe in a sexual relationship, you're the giver, or maybe in a sexual relationship, you're the taker.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Maybe you allow other people to service you, but you don't service your partner, maybe you are the server and you don't expect or allow or anticipate or ask for service in return.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: You just maybe, sexually, you just show up to give pleasure and you feel some sense of shame or guilt about receiving pleasure or asking for pleasure.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: And if that's the case, I like to say when I'm doing some business coaching how you show up sexually is how you show up in sales.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: If you won't receive sexually, you're not receiving financially.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: If you're not expecting sexually, you're not expecting in the world, because how you do one thing is how you do everything.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I hope this is landing.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: And if you won't receive a compliment, then there's likely there's some other goodness in this world that you won't let yourself experience either.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: And you are not just here to give.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: You are here to give and receive in harmony, in balance, and the more you give, the more you can allow yourself to receive.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: And oftentimes, when we're not getting, we give more in the hopes of allowing more, but in reality the scales just tip and we end up giving more without allowing.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: As you give more, allow more, receive more.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: But in reality, the scales just tip and we end up giving more without allowing.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: As you give more, allow more, receive more.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: There's a natural balance and a natural harmony in life, and if you're not receiving, it's because you're not allowing.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: Guys, I hope this makes sense.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Listen, happy holidays, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Give gifts, receive gifts.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Give love, receive love.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Give everything and also receive everything.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: It's your birthright.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: You're not just here to make everybody else's life better.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: You're here to allow others to pour into you too.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: In this season of giving, give and receive.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: It's the way to achieve the balance that you deserve.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: If you enjoyed what you heard and you want to learn more, go to wwwinnerwealthglobalcom for more tools and resources.