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Susan McPherson: The Power of Community- Building Bold Connections · The Bold Lounge

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: My name is Leigh Burgess and I will be your host.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Every week, we'll hear from someone who has taken a leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Whether they face challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be freed.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Today we have Susan McPherson.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: She is a serial connector, angel investor and corporate responsibility expert.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: She is the founder and CEO of McPherson Strategies, a communications consultancy focused on the intersection of brands and their social impact.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: She is the author of the Lost Art of Connecting from McGraw-Hill.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: She has 30 years of experience in marketing, public relations and sustainability communications, speaking regularly at industry events, including the Massachusetts Conference for Women, and contributed to the Harvard Business Review, fast Company and Forbes.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: She's appeared on NPR, cnn, usa Today, the New Yorker, new York Magazine and the Los Angeles Times.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Bold Lounge.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Susan, I am so excited to be here.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Lee, Thank you for inviting me.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: So we're going to jump right into being bold and what I would really love to know what your definition of bold looks like.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: My definition of bold would be having the courage and confidence to offer up help and support to others.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: So courage and confidence, and you went right to serving others with your definition.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: So when you think about boldness, it isn't about you, it's about making the world a better place.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: It's about helping others.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: It's about doing what you can to help the person next to you and beside you.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: And showing up, because if others succeed and rise, we all rise.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's an old adage, you know a rising tide lifts all ships.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: I hate to be jargony, but now that I'm approaching 60 years old, I've seen this happen in my life.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I love that.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I think I'm 52.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: So I think when I started my business at 48, I think I was searching for that.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: I was searching for people who were legitimate and authentic.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: You know, because people can be saying what you're saying but they don't walk the talk Right.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: So I can automatically and already you know, because people can be saying what you're saying but they don't walk the talk right.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: So I can automatically and already tell you are someone that walks the talk.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: So, if you think of that definition, when's the first time that you had a bold moment that really, you know, looks like that definition?
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Well, way, way, way way back in 1970, my family went and packed up our suburban life and lived in Bucharest, romania.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: I was five years old, my father was doing a Fulbright and this was when it was still part of the communist world.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: I was with my siblings, my older sister and my older brother, and none of us spoke a word of Romanian.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: But there I was taking a year off from school, kindergarten, and I was able and I think this is evident of many children to jump over the language barrier and create friends and community and teach all the little girls and boys who lived near the apartment building that we lived in how to jump rope, how to play boys chase the girls, girls chase the boys.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: And I know this sounds ridiculous, but I honestly think that moment.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: It is still still so crystal clear.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: 54 years ago, being bold, like not being afraid, I knew in my heart.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: I knew in my head we were not in upstate New York anymore, but I think something.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: There's something about being a child that you don't have the same fears you do as you age.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: But I carry that with me and this notion that even if people are different from ourselves, look different, sound different, come from different backgrounds, we all still want the same things.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: We still all want community.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: We still want to share in life's wonders and even as a five-year-old child I was able to see that and communicate with those who are different from myself.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's an incredible example of boldness, for sure.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Do you think we're more bold when we're younger and we lose it or it decreases in some form or fashion?
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Because I feel like my example was second grade.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I was in soccer.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: You know I was on boys team.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I'm old enough that there wasn't a requirement to even have a girls team, so I played on the boys team.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: My mom signed me up there were four girls in the entire, yeah, and I got.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: I was told several times to play not so hard, to not go after the ball.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: I was going to get hurt.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: The refs would talk to my mom, probably every game, and she would be like she's playing the game you know, so like she's not going to play any different, right?
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: So I've kind of like had that, you know, a little bit boldness genetically in me, I guess for a while.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: But I feel like somewhere in my forties I started, you know, falling back into some expected conventions.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Or, you know, I'm not sure I should be bold right now.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure that was a good idea in a meeting.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: You know, those types of things Do you think it lessens as you get older, or you might have moments of higher boldness than lower boldness.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: I think it's high or low, I do you know for girls in particular.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: We studies show we lose our confidence after age five and then it's down.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: So I think maybe that moment in time captured me when.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I was very young, right, I know, and that that is something you know.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: hopefully your daughter and people in Gen Z and alpha will change going forward.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: I'm a real proud supporter and funder of the Broadway show sucks, which is all about how women got the right to vote and they just won two Tonys the other night.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: And the writer, star director, producer who won.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: I'm going to butcher her quote, but she was essentially saying for all the little theater kids and especially the little girls who are allowed be louder be bolder.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: So I thought that that dovetails well into this conversation?
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely so, when you think about you created your own little community at age five, right?
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: The Lord knows I didn't keep in touch with that community.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: We didn't have the meeting.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: That's okay.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: We're definitely doing the first part, which is gather you know and then connect.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't just about like my name is this and your name is that, which, as adults, we have those moments right.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: So like, if you think of a typical networking event, it's something that would really tire me out.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Like it's my name is and literally your name tag says that you have a prompt and you stand uncomfortably at a cocktail table.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: So when you think about creating community, did you do that throughout your life as you went through, you know, school and college?
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: And how did you create community as you went into the rest of your life?
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Sure, well, I had.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: My parents were modeled it every day and it's going to sound kind of ridiculous, but every morning at the breakfast table they would have the five or six local newspapers splayed out on the table where they would clip and cut articles that made them think of colleagues, relatives, friends.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: They would then go to their respective manual typewriters, type short little missives, put the clips and the little notes into envelopes and send the stacks off into the US mail every single day, and I assumed everybody's parents did this.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Obviously that wasn't the case, but that taught me, you know, throughout the formative years, you know all the way up through high school, how they were building community with the tools that they had at their disposal.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: I mean, it was a very different era, very different time.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: So you know, come the 90s, once we had the internet, I was able to do what they did across geographies via email.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: I'd be able to attach an article, email 15 people and, by putting them on the same email chain, connect them and introduce them.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: And so, as the 90s and then the aughts came and we had social media and you could take this to the next level.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: So I think honestly, throughout my career, it was part of my blood.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: It was part of what I thought everyone did.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: I just had better tools to do it than they did.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: And you know?
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: But fast forward to my 40s.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Once I had a home where I could actually gather people my roof deck in Brooklyn Heights, right five minutes from lower Manhattan.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: I'm able to host gatherings, which I do at least every few weeks from April until November and because of climate change, that is starting to get to be more like we can expand it on both ends.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: It's not cold, but you know, I host book launches, I host baby showers, I host, you know, political fundraisers, etc.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: There's nothing more I love than gathering people political fundraisers, et cetera.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: There's nothing more I love than gathering people.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how does it feel Like?
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: Can you describe in your words how it feels when you gather people?
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: together.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: As the host, I feel kind of like a sorceress, right, because you know, when you introduce people only, I mean obviously this is an exaggeration, but most likely good will happen, right.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Especially and it's not that I don't love men, I just don't know any anymore but when you bring a room full of women together, positive change happens.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: Companies get funded, nonprofits get created, joy happens, and somehow being the kind of person behind the scenes helping make that happen gives me joy.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I can relate.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: I always say I create the space, you create the magic.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: So I love that you use sorcery.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: It was kind of interesting, so I created the bull table and I talked a little bit about this in our pre-session.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: So great.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: So just having a smaller group of women come together, and it's not hundreds of people, it's 40 max, and we really have three and a half hours together.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: I bring my friends who's usually authors, innovators, experts and they bring their friends and then we spend the evening together.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: What it does is it creates this phenomenal moment where they come for the dinner and then they stay together the whole weekend.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: They go to Broadway, they walk the High Line, they, you know, have a coffee chat the next morning, whatever it may be, and it's created this community, the bold community that keeps building, and really they're the builders of it, right, and I just feel like I'm, you know, I have a little bit of part as the architect and it brings me so much joy just to be in that space of true what I call sisterhood.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: I love that, yeah yeah.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: So I can relate a lot to what you're talking about.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: So when you went to write the book, why did you think we need a book about the lost art of connection?
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I think I know the answer, but I would love to hear from you what created kind of you know, the read.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: This has to be written.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Sure, well, several, I think, anybody who gets to the point of writing a book.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: There's usually many forces at work, because originally I was like nobody needs to hear.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: You know 300 pages of my voice, but several things.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: One.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: Throughout my career, people kept telling me you need to write a book, you need to write a book, and I run a social impact communications and strategy firm.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: But the thought of writing a corporate social responsibility or sustainability book, I thought I'm never going to be able to stay awake while I write that book.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: It's going to be so I thought about my other superpower, which was connecting.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: And I founded, like you, my company at age 48.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: And over the first six years yeah, over the first six years 90% of our business had been inbound no outbound marketing whatsoever, except maybe social media.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: And what that showed me is, you know, all those connections that I built and nourished and grew in my 20s and my 30s and good part of my 40s had come back to really help and support.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: So I thought that that was a very important message to get out to people who either are in the beginning of their career or in career transitions, to understand the power of what our connections can do for us and what we can do for them.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: And so that was one, and then two.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: What kind of put me over the edge is a dear friend of mine said to me that in the morning when she son and daughter to the school bus, drop off and send them up on the big yellow school bus, she'd hug them goodbye.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: They would take their respective seats age 10 and 12.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: And as soon as they sat down, both their heads would bop down to look at their handheld devices.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: But here's the clincher Every other child on that school bus did the same thing.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: So I was kind of like, hmm, we need to get this word out and we need to do it soon.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: So I received the book contract in 2019.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I started writing the book in February 2020.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: And then, of course, march of 2020, the world shut down.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Oftentimes, when people see the title of the book the Lost Art of Connecting, they assume I wrote it in response to the pandemic.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: But actually that wasn't the case.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: We had the problem before.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Yes, very, very very.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: So, that's how I came to write the book.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah Well, I definitely think it's needed and I definitely think everyone should buy it.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: The information's in the episode notes to pick up the book, one of the things I have most recently done, which, for me, like I've told people, I've advised, I've guided people you know less social media, those types of things, but when you're running a business, I have a membership as well, and so in multiple social media areas I have a smaller team because we're young.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: You know, I was on my phone a lot and it wasn't just Monday through Friday, it was seven days a week and I have most recently taken all social media off my phone as well as my email and I don't know I I don't know what took me so long or I feel kind of silly even saying this but I got so much of my life back by doing that.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: You were living.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was talking to people, I was present, I was listening.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: I remember I was having a conversation with my husband.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: He's like why are you looking at me like that?
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I was like I'm just making eye contact while you're talking.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I'm not looking at my phone and you know I pride myself on like creating great relationships.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: But I was kind of like not embarrassed, but I was like just like why did it take me that long to get some of that back?
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: And I decided to just leave it off.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: I have enough time on a laptop.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: It's not like I'm just on my laptop from, you know, eight to five or something like that, but I didn't think that I needed it in the evening.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: So I think that was my most recent experiment and it has created a higher level of connection, higher level of productivity for me getting stuff done, concentrating, and then also I think, from a mental health perspective, that being able to connect with people, humans, one-to-one versus via your phone, I think that's an incredible increase as well.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Would you agree that you've seen that as well?
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: And then some of the mental health positivity of creating the gatherings and connecting people together.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: And you know, a dear friend of mine created a new nonprofit called Mama Mothers Against Media Addiction, which is all about how, as parents, we can be helping get our children back into and our teens, getting them back into living rather than on the phones.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't think all social media is bad.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think no, I think I control myself right.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Like I say that in a way, like even any place that I work, I always had my phone with me on vacation.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I would and I say that in a way like even any place that I worked, I always had my phone with me on vacation.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I would have to put it in a drawer and close it up or even give it to somebody.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: I mean that's I love that.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: I mean that's kind of a problem, but I mean it was just me knowing that I couldn't manage myself with, you know, wanting to respond, wanting to be there for people.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: The intention was positive, it wasn't so much like oh, what did they say about me?
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: It was more so I didn't want anyone to be left without someone to connect to, and by doing that, I had, like, given it all out and I had nothing left.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: And so I just caught myself doing that most recently and I wanted to mention it because I bet there's a lot of people on the phone on in who are listening as well to the podcast that can relate to just not being able to shut it down or to spend time Right, I think when my daughter was growing up she didn't have social media.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Then they just invented the iPod and you know that was the big thing that we put a microphone on the iPod.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: But she would read books.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: That's like the coolest thing that we would do, right?
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: And she's an incredible reader now and those types of things, and I think it's just important.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Just how are you spending time with those that you love and your friends, and how much is the phone in between you, right, and thinking about that?
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: Totally.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: You must be so proud of her.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm well, she's one.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: She's co-founder of her company, so I'm super, super proud and she adds so much value and insight from she's 27.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: So, from that generation into the things that we do in the bold community, and I think women at all ages need to understand that they can be bold life that that's aligned with their passion and purpose, and that's really what I hope people understand through our work and through the framework.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: And then when you think about community, it's a big part of that, because I think one of the myths of being bold is that you do it alone, and it's not that.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: And one of the myths of being bold is you're always confident.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: It's not no, no.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: And another myth is that it's loud and big all the time and so it's extremely quiet.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: And so like doing that and having those moments of boldness with women, particularly because really that's where I live in our community it's all women.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: It's to support one another and to challenge and to cheer each other on.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: And so when we think about gathering and you have a model gather, ask do, can you walk us through that?
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: How those equal, creating the connected community.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: Certainly, and I will say gather, ask, do is a methodology that you can use at any time, once a year, once a month.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: But essentially in the gather phase you connect with the most important person on the planet, and that is yourself, and you almost do a self audit to figure out what your goals are for the next let's say, one year, three year, hell, five years.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: And in the beginning what is being bold is showing up for people and supporting others.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: So the underlying notion of the entire book and the methodology is leading with how you can be helpful to others.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Well, if you don't find out what your superpowers are, you can't be helpful.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: So in that gather phase it's very much self-reflection, learning what your superpowers are and then thinking about how you can do everything you can to break out of your hermetically sealed bubble that so many of us live in, myself included, where we tend to attract people that look like us, sound like us, the same age, race and color as us.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: That's gather.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: The ask phase is learning to ask the meaningful questions of others so you can find out what their hopes and dreams are, what they aspire to do and be.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: And if you listen very, very carefully and take that in you can get to the do phase, which is the phase I love and I have a feeling you love this phase too where you take what you learn, take what you understood and then you become reliable, responsible, responsive and you go into the mode of supporting others.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: And that doesn't have to mean like writing a check, it doesn't have to mean helping the next day.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: This is over time and it's maybe making introductions, making connections, it's sending off a note saying I'm thinking of you, but that is essentially gather as do and it's a way to show up in the world.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Right, and some people think it's hard to do that.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: And because people have asked me, like, how do you keep up with everybody?
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: How do you know, like, when I've checked out, you seem to always send the text at the right time and I usually just do a little wave like hello, just a friendly hello, how are you doing Thinking of you?
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: And they're just like whoa hello, how are you doing Thinking of you?
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: And they're just like Whoa, like that came at the perfect time for me to get that.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: But in the sense of just, it isn't hard if you make it something that's important to you, right?
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: So, and I think that's where I think everyone's busy you, me, we're very busy.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: So it isn't about being busy, it's about a choice of how do you want to connect, right?
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: So if someone thinks they're too busy to do that, is there any kind of tips you can give them?
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: I love the visual of your parents making you know, doing the clippings, cause I remember my mom doing that.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: She wouldn't do it probably as much as your, your parents, did, but it would be like cutting it out and then writing a note and then you know the paper clip on it and then away it went in the mail like saw you congratulations on whatever it was, so like we could do that.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: But I don't even know, like papers probably don't exist as much as they used to.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: But what are ways we can do this in the digital world that make it maybe something we can put into our day?
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: Well, first and foremost, this is not about quantity.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: You don't have to be.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: Well, first and foremost, this is not about quantity, you don't have to be.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: You know, everybody has different life experiences.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: Everybody has different pressures.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, oftentimes I'm able to do more because I don't have kids, I don't have a partner and I don't have parents.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: So I always have to remind people that I may have a little bit more disposable time than every connecting personal anyway.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: So like make it work for you, I think, is what exactly.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: You know, during the pandemic it was very lonely.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: I mean, I know some of my friends who were, like you know, with their kids, like they were, they were envious of the fact that I was alone day in and day out.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: But for me, every morning, to keep my sanity, I would reach out to three to five people via text, via WhatsApp, via smoke signal, you name it out to three to five people via text, via WhatsApp, via smoke signal, you name it.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: But the goal was to put a bit of happiness and a bit of joy, but also remind people here don't forget about me, right, but three to five people every day for some people.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: They would look at me.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: If I told them that story, they'd be like, oh so, maybe one a day, but reach out, maybe, you know, just let someone know you're thinking of them, send them a joke, send a poem, send them a link to a podcast that you loved, send them an article, like you know, of course, your mom and my parents did.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: But don't overthink it.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: And also, it's not like I have a master spreadsheet that I've been working from, right, but what I'm saying is adjust it for what is right.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: But I can guarantee you, not only will you feel good when you do this, but the recipients will.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, simple is good, yeah, and we have all the tools necessary.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I mean make a phone call, snail mail, yeah, I mean, there's so many ways, you know.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: I think it also has to fit in with your schedule, and I would just do that every morning while I had my coffee, and people would be like, well, how did you have time?
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: I'm like well, I have time to brush my teeth.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: Get off of social media.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Write a note, you know, like, cause I do think people and I was one of them was a scroller, like I was using that, I think, as a checkout of a like decompress or whatever and, like I said, most recently I just got rid of it and it's like, wow, I redid my vision board.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: I had, you know, a lovely dinner on the screen porch with my family.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: I read a book, you know, so like it sounds silly, but those are moments you two could write a note and check in with someone, send some text again.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: It's digital but it's still a check in.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Voice notes are nice too, because.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I think hearing someone's voice is different than reading words.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: There was this study that was just recently done.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: So I call my mom every day, even if it's just for a minute.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I call my mom and it's just like hi, just checking in.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: And it was a study of girls who talk to their mom versus text their mom and it was, I think, a college study and the stress component and you know the joy component, you know in our brains the actual mechanism of the brain was higher for girls that called their mom versus texts of their mom and actually the text created higher stress.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: So it was just interesting.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Just to say, like you know, sometimes it's just a quick call.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: I know that dates me a little bit of picking up the phone, because I do think that even my daughter's like I hate to to call people.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like well, that gets the straightest way to like talk to someone.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: But she can do it obviously.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: But you know, you can model that behavior for her Exactly, yeah.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: And I think that's important, because you said something about school buses having many, many children on their phones and, when you like, walk outside your house and walk around the block, how many people have their phone out while they're walking or standing?
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's hard to be present, which we hear a lot.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: So I think when you create community, it is like amping up and dialing up your presence.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, when you talk about gathering, which I love that you started with ourselves, it doesn't have to be a fancy place, it doesn't have to be, you know, like if you're gathering people together and creating a, you know, networking, I think, gets a bad rap these days, absolutely.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: So, when you think about how to do networking right, what do you think are the ingredients of a good networking moment?
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: Well, there's a reason I called my book the Lost Art of Connecting and not the Lost Art of Networking.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: So, first and foremost, I want to flip networking on its head.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: When we were first taught to network, it was all about walking into a room and what can you get?
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: What can you walk away with?
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: How can these people help you?
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: I want us to flip that 180 degrees and think about when we walk in a room, how can we support others?
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: How can we find out what their goals are?
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: And by helping them reach their goals, we are helping ourselves, because I fervently believe and I'm an example of this that help comes back.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: So to me, getting rid of the old notions of networking, breaking that down and by helping others, helping ourselves.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what's the problem?
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: Why is it taking so long?
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: Because I, even most recently, I've gone to an event and it was pretty much the.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: I think it's getting better, so that's the positive, but I think it's just taking longer, which always.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: Patience is not my middle name, so like I get impatient about, like why are we spending money doing this lovely event and it's still like cocktail table prompt?
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Hello, my name is, and those just aren't like for me, especially as an introvert.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: And again, I have no problem talking to people, presenting, speaking in front of people, but I power up in smaller groups.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: I power up, yeah.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: So I think when you create it in, in created in a way that you can invite people in, I think that's the best way to do it.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: You know, whether you're extrovert, introvert, whether you have something to give, or whether you think you do or not, you always do Right.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: And I think how do we bring that out in people?
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: Because sometimes people don't even know that they have anything to give or to share or to support.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: Well and again.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: This is why the gather you know and again I'm not trying to sell books or anything, but the point is is like whether you read my book or any other multiple books in that gather phase, really think about your goals.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: And oftentimes I suggest to people before they go to an event, virtual or in person, go with the power of three, with the goals to meet three people, share three things about yourself and learn three things about others, and then you can go hide in the bathroom.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: So if you're an introvert, or you're shy.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: That way it's kind of, again, it's manageable, it's doable, it's sensible, because I think sometimes again, even though we've been maybe a year or so or two years out of the pandemic, I think they're still residual.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: I mean, that was massively harmful to all of us, and I don't even we've begun to even process what that isolation did to so many of us.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, and we also, I think, have a big problem with loneliness.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, look at this, the Surgeon General put out a warning the World Health Organization the same Right.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: So I think it is a way for us to, like you said, first intention of the day is how do I help someone, how do I support someone?
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: And it's through your lived experience that you're doing it right.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: It's through what you learned or what you're learning or what you're curious about, and everybody has something to give to somebody else.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: So I just want everyone to hear that, because I don't think it's not a physical thing that you give, it's your time, it's your listening, it's like we talked about cheering and championing as well as challenging.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: You said you wanted to achieve this by June, like how's that going?
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Because I haven't heard much about it, you know, and just being that check-in for someone, as well as cheering them on and celebrating that.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes we only check in when something goes wrong, and I love to make sure people know that they should be celebrating these moments, because that's something I didn't do along my career, like I kind of skipped over the good stuff, like, yay, I did that, I'm moving on Now let's work on something else.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: So I think it's time for people to also use these gathering moments to celebrate, just celebrate, just use these gathering moments to celebrate, just celebrate, just celebrate being, yeah, celebrate being.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: One of the things that comes up is authenticity and we hear this word a lot, seen in social media and be authentic and okay, you know there's a list of how to be authentic.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: I think it's being able to be yourself, which I always say should be the easiest person to be, but it's not for everyone.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: So if someone's like challenged by that in like this social setting right, and it is real that people get anxiety from being in social settings how can they feel like they can be themselves, or what are steps that they can take to feel and be more authentic in these types of gathering moments?
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Well, I think, before anytime I walk into a room, I do a little mantra and remind myself what I have to bring, what are things I can do, what are ways that make me unique.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: And I think that's a healthy exercise, which is the opposite of oftentimes how we walk into rooms feeling insecure, feeling small, feeling like everyone else in the room is more accomplished.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: We're all human.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: None of us are infallible.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: We all have the same hopes and dreams, we all have imperfections and perfections, and so there's no hierarchy here.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: We have man-made and women-made hierarchies, but in the end, we're all human, we're all fallible, but we're also all incredible.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so, as we end here, what are some guidance or what are some things that we can do when it comes to social media, of leveraging it for good, in creating connection?
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: What would you say?
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: I would say, first of all, the 10 second rule before you hit send, reread what you wrote.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: Does anybody care?
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, cause there's just so much noise.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: So my first instinct is to dial back the noise.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: Second, showcase the wins of others.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Give people high fives, let people know how fabulous they are.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: I mean, obviously, be authentic and be real, like you don't want to be just, you know, going around saying yay when it doesn't mean anything, because then you become inauthentic.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: But I think to me it's all about building relationships through being kind and engaging.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: It's not all about you pushing out information, but listening and then responding and letting people know you see them.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just help them be seen.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I think that's so important, especially people that maybe are not seen right.
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: I'm a big believer in ensuring that, when you walk out of rooms, the people who maybe didn't get a chance to speak to give them a voice.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, I love ending on that.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being on the Bold Lounge for sharing your book Lost Art of Connecting.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Please do pick it up it is in the episode notes and connect with Susan on her socials.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Thank you, leigh, this was a joy.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge podcast.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Through the continuum of bold stories vulnerability to taking a leap you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with you.