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352. Three Standards Every Man Should Raise · The Impossible Life

0:00
Speaker 1: That's impossible.
0:01
Speaker 2: Let me tell you what I believe.
0:03
Speaker 1: That your weakness is not your technique. Yes!
0:07
Speaker 2: Yes! Don't think you are.
0:10
Speaker 1: Know you are.
0:12
Speaker 2: The Impossible Life Podcast.
0:14
Speaker 1: You're sitting on a winning lottery ticket. An idea that
0:17
Speaker 1: is fully formed, fully understood, that sticks.
0:22
Speaker 3: This is the Impossible Life Podcast. because Nick and I
0:26
Speaker 3: are attempting to live impossible lives. What we know is
0:30
Speaker 3: that nothing is impossible. So instead of using impossible as
0:34
Speaker 3: an excuse to not try, we'll use the pursuit of
0:37
Speaker 3: impossible as an accelerant for greatness. If something's never been
0:42
Speaker 3: done before, that just means it's unexplored. If they tell
0:46
Speaker 3: you it's too hard, it's just waiting to be simplified.
0:50
Speaker 3: Impossible is a default label, used by uncourageous people unwilling
0:55
Speaker 3: to take a risk.
0:56
Speaker 1: The real truth is this.
0:58
Speaker 3: The solution to any impossible task starts with this question.
1:03
Speaker 3: If I had to, what would it take?
1:09
Speaker 2: Welcome to another episode of the Impossible Life Podcast. I'm
1:11
Speaker 2: your co-host, Nick Surface, and I'm looking across at a
1:13
Speaker 2: man so trustworthy that his TSA check involves only the question,
1:17
Speaker 2: you good, bro? That's right, friends, the former Navy SEAL,
1:23
Speaker 2: Garrett Unklebach, a man who's never had a body scan
1:26
Speaker 2: in his life. Must be nice for you to get
1:29
Speaker 2: aboard the plane, son.
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Speaker 1: Now, I fly so much, TSA scans don't include any words. Oh, really?
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Speaker 2: They just merely nod to you?
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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I've got the whatever is the TSA touchless. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: I just walk through. Get a nod and On the
1:55
Speaker 1: plane two minutes later. Well, good for you.
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Speaker 2: I'd like to, I'm proud of you. Anyways, so G,
2:02
Speaker 2: let's dive into this because this is Tools and Tactics.
2:03
Speaker 2: We're short and sharp on here. On the episode that
2:07
Speaker 2: released on Monday, 351, we talked about being unreasonable. And
2:10
Speaker 2: I like that episode a lot, as I like all
2:12
Speaker 2: our episodes a lot. And I wanted to give people
2:15
Speaker 2: more on that very specific side. With so much of
2:18
Speaker 2: what we do, we can always go deeper and As
2:21
Speaker 2: much as our episodes are between 40 minutes to an
2:23
Speaker 2: hour on those Mondays, we could go way deeper. We're
2:25
Speaker 2: always cutting things. I feel like there's a lot of
2:27
Speaker 2: benefit to getting a little bit deeper into specifically one
2:30
Speaker 2: point because we talked about some things you should be
2:32
Speaker 2: unreasonable about. We said you should be unreasonable about your commitments,
2:35
Speaker 2: your standards, and about your possible. I want to go
2:40
Speaker 2: a little deeper into what it looks like to be
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Speaker 2: unreasonable about your standards. Because I think standards, we've talked
2:45
Speaker 2: about this in episode 134, we actually gave seven standards
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Speaker 2: of a godly man should definitely go back and listen
2:50
Speaker 2: to that. But so many people think that they're going
2:52
Speaker 2: to change their life just by like slapping a standard
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Speaker 2: on something that's like.
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Speaker 1: Boom, life changed.
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Speaker 2: And we go into that about how to actually create
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Speaker 2: them in episode 281.
3:02
Speaker 1: Don't do that.
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Speaker 2: It needs to be from a place of your identity
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Speaker 2: and having a clear sense of purpose. So we've talked
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Speaker 2: about standards, but like, I want us to dive into
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Speaker 2: what it is to have unreasonable standards in very specific areas.
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Speaker 1: So that's what we're interested in. Standards play a part
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Speaker 1: in your identity. And if you remember your identity, your visions,
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Speaker 1: your values, and your beliefs, standards play a part in there.
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Speaker 1: You can't just build your standards like you're writing out
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Speaker 1: the attributes of your superhero character and you just are
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Speaker 1: going to, now this is who I am. It doesn't
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Speaker 1: necessarily work that way. Just a reminder on definitions for standards.
3:43
Speaker 1: Standards are clearly defined, non-negotiable. And one of the hallmarks
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Speaker 1: is that there's never any value of breaking a standard.
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Speaker 1: The one example I use most often that helps it
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Speaker 1: make sense is me yelling at my wife. There's never
3:58
Speaker 1: any value that would come out of that. I can
4:01
Speaker 1: get my tone across. I can get my wife to
4:03
Speaker 1: hear my point. other than being in a loud place,
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Speaker 1: there's no reason that I would ever need to yell
4:08
Speaker 1: at my wife. No value would come from that. It
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Speaker 1: would be only negatives, right? Maybe you're angry and it
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Speaker 1: feels good in the moment, but there's no value created there. Um,
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Speaker 1: and standards are the minimum you're willing to accept. You know,
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Speaker 1: that's the way they designed it, designed, defined them for
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Speaker 1: us in the military. Your standards is what your minimal
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Speaker 1: willingness is for any specific issue. task or object, like
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Speaker 1: they made it very clear for us. If you do this,
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Speaker 1: that's failure. Okay. And you should do your standards that
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Speaker 1: way as well. But what I want to talk about
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Speaker 1: today is we're just talking about being unreasonable and being
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Speaker 1: unreasonable is really more about going above and beyond. And
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Speaker 1: we're going to talk specifically about being unreasonable in three
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Speaker 1: specific standards and And so this would go above and
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Speaker 1: beyond maybe what you have clearly defined. This first example
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Speaker 1: we're going to use makes that really easy to understand
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Speaker 1: where you're going to go above and beyond what you define.
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Speaker 1: But I want you to take that unreasonable mentality, have
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Speaker 1: your clearly defined standard, but take that unreasonable standard, unreasonable
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Speaker 1: mentality with your standard and go above and beyond, go
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Speaker 1: further with it. So let's jump right in. Three standards
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Speaker 1: you need to be unreasonable about.
5:22
Speaker 2: Yeah. So glad you said that, G, because I think
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Speaker 2: a lot of times when you talk about the minimum
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Speaker 2: you're willing to accept, I don't think people actually know
5:30
Speaker 2: what they have willingly accepted. And that's why I love
5:33
Speaker 2: this topic so much and I want it to keep
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Speaker 2: us going. So very first one, number one, seek God daily.
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Speaker 2: Now that sounds super obvious. And what the reasonable standard is,
5:44
Speaker 2: and I will tell you, A lot of people are
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Speaker 2: not at the reasonable standard and they aim at the
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Speaker 2: reasonable standard as if it would be a real accomplishment.
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Speaker 2: And so understand we're going to elevate some thinking today.
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Speaker 2: The reasonable standard is I read my Bible every day
5:56
Speaker 2: and pray.
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Speaker 1: I go to church. I tithe.
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Speaker 2: Like a lot of people would be like, man, you
6:01
Speaker 2: are killing it. There's a thought process that goes around
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Speaker 2: that I understand is attractive, but I think in my
6:08
Speaker 2: opinion falls short and is not unreasonable and is missing
6:12
Speaker 2: it is people do the four F's. Faith, family, fitness, finances.
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Speaker 2: Like if I get those things in place, I've checked
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Speaker 2: the box, like I'm killing it and I'm doing great.
6:21
Speaker 2: And so this can look like you wake up, like
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Speaker 2: you're the disciplined guy, you work out, you read your Bible,
6:26
Speaker 2: you pray, you go to church. And you know what?
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Speaker 1: You are doing well.
6:29
Speaker 2: I don't want this to be like the it's not
6:30
Speaker 2: good enough podcast because that's not what we're at. But
6:33
Speaker 2: when we understand what God's called us to in wholeheartedness
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Speaker 2: and in complete devotion, being unreasonable means that it goes
6:41
Speaker 2: way beyond that. Um, unreasonable to me, we find this
6:45
Speaker 2: in Jeremiah 29, 11 through 13 G and everybody knows
6:48
Speaker 2: Jeremiah 29, 11.
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Speaker 1: We love that one.
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Speaker 2: And keep in mind, he's speaking to the Israelites who
6:53
Speaker 2: have been exiled. Uh, they've been taken captive. They've had their,
6:57
Speaker 2: you know, just, yeah, they've been removed. They've been ransacked.
7:00
Speaker 2: The city of Jerusalem has been destroyed. All the stuff
7:02
Speaker 2: that was holy, like the stuff that they held most
7:04
Speaker 2: dear was taken away, uh, from the temple. It'd be
7:08
Speaker 2: like somebody going in and taking away the constitution and
7:10
Speaker 2: destroying the what we have, like the monuments in Washington.
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Speaker 2: We would all be deeply hurt by this. And God
7:16
Speaker 2: says to them, for I know the plans I have
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Speaker 2: for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and
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Speaker 2: not to harm you, plans to give you a hope
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Speaker 2: and a future. This is after he said to them, hey, look,
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Speaker 2: you're going to be there for 70 years and you're
7:25
Speaker 2: going to come back. We all love that scripture, but
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Speaker 2: this is the whole point of why God was okay
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Speaker 2: with wiping out all the things that they deemed sacred.
7:34
Speaker 2: He said, then you will call on me and come
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Speaker 2: and pray to me and I will listen to you.
7:38
Speaker 2: And here's the key. 13, you will seek me and
7:42
Speaker 2: find me when you seek me with all your heart.
7:46
Speaker 2: We talk about the heart so much. And to me,
7:48
Speaker 2: this is where the unreasonable standard comes from. And we're
7:51
Speaker 2: going to get a very high level of this. When
7:54
Speaker 2: you are earnestly seeking God with all your heart, it's
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Speaker 2: not to gain anything. It's not to solve a problem.
8:01
Speaker 2: It's not to have a blessing, but just to know him.
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Speaker 2: And this is a deep walk with God when your
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Speaker 2: mind is set on things above, like we hear about
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Speaker 2: in Colossians 3. It's revelatory to me that Jesus, when
8:14
Speaker 2: he rebukes Peter, when he says, get behind me, Satan,
8:17
Speaker 2: he says, your mind is set on the things of man,
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Speaker 2: not on the things of God. It's such a simple thing.
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Speaker 2: But where does your mind go to first when you
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Speaker 2: wake up in the day? And I'll put my hand up.
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Speaker 2: I am a very busy guy. A lot of times
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Speaker 2: I'm like, man, I got to knock stuff out today.
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Speaker 2: Is your mindset on your finances? Do you go first
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Speaker 2: to like, man, I got to get my to-do list done?
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Speaker 2: Or are you getting drawn into all the business of
8:39
Speaker 2: the day that your mind is not set on kingdom?
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Speaker 2: And I know you might be going like, well, that
8:43
Speaker 2: sounds harsh. But I'm telling you, man, whenever you are
8:46
Speaker 2: seeking God earnestly, you care about what he cares about.
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Speaker 2: And anything that's not directly tied to him becomes meaningless.
8:54
Speaker 2: It loses its attractiveness. And what I'm not saying is
8:57
Speaker 2: you're only attracted to like church on Sunday or only
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Speaker 2: your Bible. I think one of the great things we've
9:02
Speaker 2: tapped into a lot on this podcast is that when
9:05
Speaker 2: you start to realize that your entire life is aligned
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Speaker 2: to your relationship with God, it's like, yes, I'm going
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Speaker 2: to go work hard today. Yes, I'm going to love
9:12
Speaker 2: my family well. Yes, I'm going to do all these things.
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Speaker 2: But it's all from a place of understanding the life
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Speaker 2: that God's given you and the purpose he's called you to.
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Speaker 2: Now your mind is set always on how do I
9:21
Speaker 2: honor God here? How am I faithful steward? And you
9:23
Speaker 2: know what? Sometimes stewardship looks the exact same as somebody
9:26
Speaker 2: who has no conscience of God. You look like you're
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Speaker 2: working really hard, but your heart and your mind are
9:30
Speaker 2: set in such a different place of knowing that you're
9:34
Speaker 2: taking God with you all the time, everywhere, that he's
9:36
Speaker 2: never far from your thoughts.
9:38
Speaker 1: I think as men, a lot of times our lives
9:40
Speaker 1: get summarized into a task list of, hey, here's all
9:44
Speaker 1: the things that I got to do today. I got
9:46
Speaker 1: to send these emails. I got to run this errand.
9:49
Speaker 1: I got to have these meetings. I got to do this, this, this,
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Speaker 1: and this. And God becomes a part of your task list.
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Speaker 1: And I am glad that he is on your task list.
9:57
Speaker 1: But what Nick said there, it's supposed to be so
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Speaker 1: much more. to earnestly seek God, not to gain anything,
10:03
Speaker 1: not to solve any problem, but just to know him.
10:07
Speaker 1: God's the most important relationship. And just similar to the
10:10
Speaker 1: relationship with your wife, there's a wonderful part of a
10:14
Speaker 1: marriage and the intimacy of a marriage. But if you
10:17
Speaker 1: think that that's all that it's about, You completely devalue
10:21
Speaker 1: the marriage. And if you looked at your marriage as
10:24
Speaker 1: like really the only object of your marriage is for sex,
10:27
Speaker 1: that's the same type as a relationship with God. All
10:31
Speaker 1: you do is pursue him because you want something from him.
10:34
Speaker 1: It's really about being together. It's about being with him.
10:37
Speaker 1: And God's so much more than a marriage. He's our creator.
10:41
Speaker 1: He's the one who made you with a plan and
10:43
Speaker 1: a purpose. He has all wisdom, all understanding. He's the
10:47
Speaker 1: author of righteousness and glory. you should want to spend
10:50
Speaker 1: time with them. So it's going above and beyond just
10:52
Speaker 1: making it a task and having that unreasonableness, which in
10:56
Speaker 1: this category is so much about the posture of the heart.
11:00
Speaker 2: Yeah. And practically for me, G, because I always want
11:03
Speaker 2: to be as practical as possible for people, for the
11:05
Speaker 2: people who are like, well, just what do I do?
11:07
Speaker 2: Here's what you do. Every time I open up my Bible,
11:09
Speaker 2: my prayer is virtually the same, but it is not
11:14
Speaker 2: an empty recital. I say, Holy Spirit, help me to
11:17
Speaker 2: see Jesus today, to know you, to be sensitive to
11:19
Speaker 2: your voice as I'm reading scripture, that I would see Jesus,
11:21
Speaker 2: I would know Jesus, and that I would know the Father.
11:23
Speaker 2: I never open up my Bible just to get through
11:26
Speaker 2: the text. It's always to know the author of the text.
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Speaker 2: And I think that's the big difference. So here's what
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Speaker 2: the unreasonable standard looks like. And this scripture, man, I
11:35
Speaker 2: will tell you, I do not feel like I am
11:37
Speaker 2: anywhere close to this. I'm 100% on this journey. It's
11:42
Speaker 2: Philippians 3, 8 through 11. And this is Paul talking.
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Speaker 2: What is more, I consider everything a loss because of
11:48
Speaker 2: the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord, for
11:51
Speaker 2: whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them
11:54
Speaker 2: garbage that I may gain Christ and be found in him,
11:58
Speaker 2: not having a righteousness of my own that comes from
12:00
Speaker 2: the law, but that which is through faith in Christ,
12:02
Speaker 2: the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.
12:06
Speaker 2: I want to know Christ. Yes, to know the power
12:09
Speaker 2: of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like
12:12
Speaker 2: him in his death, and so somehow attaining to the
12:14
Speaker 2: resurrection from the dead. That's unreasonable, man. And man, I
12:19
Speaker 2: don't think that that's just for an extremist like Paul,
12:21
Speaker 2: and the rest of us are supposed to just go like, wow,
12:23
Speaker 2: he's on the far spectrum. I really think that's a
12:26
Speaker 2: guy who knew Jesus, and the more he knew, the
12:29
Speaker 2: more he wanted, which is truly, as we always talk about,
12:32
Speaker 2: one of the hallmarks of purpose, and it's something that
12:33
Speaker 2: can only come from eternity. So- I hope that's elevated
12:37
Speaker 2: some of our thoughts about what it really is to
12:39
Speaker 2: walk with God.
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Speaker 1: It's good, Nick. It's good. We need to be unreasonable.
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Speaker 1: This is really about not being normal. Number two, the
12:48
Speaker 1: second step I want to talk about, and just a
12:51
Speaker 1: few practicals on these last couple standards. Number two is
12:55
Speaker 1: train for war. This is living with unreasonable preparation. And
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Speaker 1: a different way of saying that is being a man
13:02
Speaker 1: who has at least an ounce. I'm not saying you've
13:05
Speaker 1: got to be a Navy SEAL, but have at least
13:07
Speaker 1: an ounce of danger to you. Maybe be a little
13:09
Speaker 1: bit more dangerous than you were prior. A lot of
13:12
Speaker 1: this would be in the fitness category, but I would
13:16
Speaker 1: encourage you and challenge you to step into some other areas.
13:19
Speaker 1: Go climb mountains. Nick just took his first foray into
13:25
Speaker 1: a shooting competition and learned a million lessons that, hey,
13:28
Speaker 1: it's not as easy as just getting on the range.
13:31
Speaker 2: Right.
13:32
Speaker 1: Train for war.
13:33
Speaker 2: OK.
13:33
Speaker 1: And what is what does that look like? And again,
13:35
Speaker 1: a lot of this is related to fitness, but I'm
13:37
Speaker 1: just giving this plug at the beginning. I challenge you
13:40
Speaker 1: and encourage you to step outside of just the fitness
13:43
Speaker 1: lane and what it means to train for war to
13:45
Speaker 1: be dangerous. Reasonably.
13:48
Speaker 2: Right.
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Speaker 1: A lot of people's reasonable standard here is being in. uh,
13:52
Speaker 1: good shape. And I put that in air quotes because
13:55
Speaker 1: it's a subjective definition that people will have training when
14:00
Speaker 1: you have time training for a specific goal. And I
14:03
Speaker 1: think the fact that they're not fat is, um, means
14:05
Speaker 1: they're doing good unreasonableness, unreasonableness in this standard of fitness
14:11
Speaker 1: and the standard of being dangerous is preparing constantly preparing
14:17
Speaker 1: constantly because you know, you don't get to choose when
14:19
Speaker 1: your tests are coming. Um, I have an expectation of myself,
14:25
Speaker 1: of what my minimum level of fitness should be at
14:28
Speaker 1: all times, of what my minimum level of dangerousness should
14:32
Speaker 1: be at all times. Because if I go back to
14:35
Speaker 1: where I was as a young man, when I went
14:37
Speaker 1: walk down the road, that I'm very far down at
14:40
Speaker 1: this point in my life, is I said from a
14:43
Speaker 1: very early age that I wanted to be useful. I
14:46
Speaker 1: wanted to be someone who could care for others. I
14:48
Speaker 1: wanted to be someone who could protect others. And there's
14:51
Speaker 1: a set of requirements that go along with that. What
14:54
Speaker 1: you don't want to do is, you know, hey, I
14:56
Speaker 1: have these aspirations of being this type of person. But
14:59
Speaker 1: then over time, you slowly bleed dry the very thing
15:02
Speaker 1: that built who you are. I have to live with
15:04
Speaker 1: that same level of standard. One of the things I
15:07
Speaker 1: took away from me from the SEAL teams is the
15:10
Speaker 1: SEAL ethos says, earn your Trident every day. And it does.
15:14
Speaker 1: There's no parentheses that says only while on active duty.
15:18
Speaker 1: I still live by that today. I have to be
15:20
Speaker 1: a representative of that community that helped make me who
15:23
Speaker 1: I am. So what does this look like? And again,
15:27
Speaker 1: more specifically in your fitness here, what does that look like?
15:30
Speaker 1: It means regardless of your motivation level, this is how
15:34
Speaker 1: I'm going to show up. Not because I feel like it,
15:38
Speaker 1: because I'm training for the test that I know is coming.
15:40
Speaker 1: This is developing yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. with
15:46
Speaker 1: the mindset of I'm getting ready for my tests. It's
15:49
Speaker 1: building strength in every single area of your life, removing
15:54
Speaker 1: any weaknesses that you have. I am very much someone
15:58
Speaker 1: who is about multiplying your strengths, like spend a lot
16:01
Speaker 1: of your time training there, but you don't want to
16:03
Speaker 1: have any major weaknesses in your life either. You got
16:06
Speaker 1: to round it out a little bit. Another practical example
16:11
Speaker 1: of what training for war looks like This is a
16:15
Speaker 1: practice I have. I drag some of my friends with
16:18
Speaker 1: me at least once every year. I go do something
16:21
Speaker 1: that's really, really hard. And we've somehow found our way
16:26
Speaker 1: into doing a couple of those every year. I wouldn't
16:31
Speaker 1: count the 50 for Nick and I since we did
16:33
Speaker 1: 100 previously as one of our hard things, but we
16:35
Speaker 1: did a 50 this year. And then we went and
16:37
Speaker 1: climbed a great mountain this year. I'm doing hard things
16:41
Speaker 1: all the time. I don't want to let myself get soft.
16:44
Speaker 1: And that's really what it is to me. You could
16:46
Speaker 1: get to a place where it's like, well, I can
16:48
Speaker 1: maintain this level of fitness and it's not that hard. Well,
16:51
Speaker 1: I used to give myself beat downs that actually took
16:54
Speaker 1: me maybe a step backwards in my physical capability. But
16:58
Speaker 1: it was about being strong mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You've
17:02
Speaker 1: got to do hard things in your life. Train for war.
17:06
Speaker 1: Don't just train for fitness. And the whole purpose... of
17:11
Speaker 1: this mindset, the whole purpose of this type of preparation,
17:13
Speaker 1: it's not about making your life easier. It's about making
17:17
Speaker 1: you more capable and you have to be unreasonable in
17:21
Speaker 1: your pursuit of that. If you just set us, if
17:25
Speaker 1: you set a small list of tasks for yourself and say,
17:28
Speaker 1: if I just do these things, I have checked this box.
17:32
Speaker 1: That is not someone who becomes dangerous.
17:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to just add one caveat for people
17:37
Speaker 2: out there who are like me. And what I mean
17:39
Speaker 2: by that is that they'll hear something like what you
17:41
Speaker 2: just said, and it obviously doesn't sound that pleasant. So
17:44
Speaker 2: you're telling me I need to start doing things that
17:46
Speaker 2: are going to be very difficult all the time for
17:48
Speaker 2: the rest of my life? Yes, that's what we're saying
17:50
Speaker 2: with an elevated standard. What am I going to get
17:52
Speaker 2: from that? And here's the thing, you don't know. And
17:55
Speaker 2: that's when it's, you know, you can think you know
17:57
Speaker 2: what's going to come on the other side. I'm like,
17:59
Speaker 2: it's not worth it. And I will tell you, as
18:01
Speaker 2: someone who has that mindset, you're wrong. Like, I will
18:04
Speaker 2: just tell you, you're wrong. I just, the thing I
18:05
Speaker 2: did on Saturday, I kind of decided to do it
18:08
Speaker 2: hard by not bringing enough hydration. And I will tell you,
18:11
Speaker 2: there were plenty of points where I was just like
18:12
Speaker 2: ready for.
18:13
Speaker 1: It to be over.
18:14
Speaker 2: And I, and I, it's so good to get to
18:16
Speaker 2: a place where you're just like.
18:17
Speaker 1: You know what?
18:17
Speaker 2: I'm not enjoying this anymore. Good. You have no idea
18:20
Speaker 2: what it develops in you. And in the moment, all
18:22
Speaker 2: you want it to do is potentially be over. But
18:25
Speaker 2: when you're done, the takeaways that you get are not
18:27
Speaker 2: ones that you would have understood beforehand. You really do
18:30
Speaker 2: have to do it. So please don't bargain yourself or
18:33
Speaker 2: think you know what's coming because you don't. A yes
18:36
Speaker 2: mentality is so important to have because you never know
18:39
Speaker 2: what you're going to find or who you're going to
18:40
Speaker 2: meet or what God's going to teach you in a
18:42
Speaker 2: moment when you don't expect it.
18:43
Speaker 1: So important. Okay, last standard here. And these are just
18:47
Speaker 1: some good reminders for us. pushing you a little bit
18:51
Speaker 1: and what you thought was acceptable for your standards. Number three,
18:55
Speaker 1: grow with your wife. You have to do this. This
18:58
Speaker 1: is one of the ones very early on in my
19:01
Speaker 1: leadership of other men that I realized that it wasn't
19:06
Speaker 1: like guys were doing something wrong, but it's something right
19:10
Speaker 1: that they weren't doing. And you've got to be paying
19:12
Speaker 1: attention to your wife, not just, hey, my wife has
19:15
Speaker 1: a relationship with God. She's got to be growing along
19:18
Speaker 1: with you. and this process and a reasonable standard that,
19:22
Speaker 1: you know, some people live by in their marriages. Hey,
19:24
Speaker 1: if there's issues, I'm going to take care of them.
19:26
Speaker 1: Like I care about my marriage. So, and that's taking
19:29
Speaker 1: care of your car. Like, look, you know, it said,
19:31
Speaker 1: or do an oil change at this time. And it said,
19:33
Speaker 1: I got a flat tire. I fixed it. That's, that's
19:37
Speaker 1: a poor standard in my opinion for marriage, but that's
19:39
Speaker 1: where many people are. I'll work on my marriage. If
19:41
Speaker 1: there's a problem and unreasonable way to pursue your marriage
19:46
Speaker 1: is saying, I want to have the best marriage that
19:50
Speaker 1: I could possibly have, regardless of how good it is today.
19:55
Speaker 1: Maybe your marriage may be great already, and you're thinking about,
19:58
Speaker 1: how do I make this better? I'm going to do
20:00
Speaker 1: some things that I've never done before. I'm going to
20:01
Speaker 1: lean into the things that I've been doing for a
20:04
Speaker 1: long time. I'm not going to stop doing the stuff
20:05
Speaker 1: that I already did that works. You've got to have...
20:10
Speaker 1: If you remember where I've talked about the pyramid motivation
20:13
Speaker 1: pyramid before, there's all the different levels, but at the
20:17
Speaker 1: highest level, these are people who seek to defy the odds.
20:21
Speaker 1: These are people who seek to change the world, have
20:24
Speaker 1: that mentality, or at least attempt to get there in
20:27
Speaker 1: your marriage and say like, man, what would it look
20:29
Speaker 1: like if I had the best marriage I could possibly have?
20:33
Speaker 1: Like what is the maximum marriage that I could have?
20:37
Speaker 1: Everything that God designed for me, has for me in
20:39
Speaker 1: my marriage. I want all of that. And what is this?
20:43
Speaker 1: Let me give you just some quick practicals on this.
20:45
Speaker 1: One of the biggest ones I've learned in my life
20:48
Speaker 1: is my wife and I, our marriage isn't just about
20:52
Speaker 1: each other, right? It's not just, hey, I make you happy,
20:55
Speaker 1: you make me happy. My wife and I realized that
20:57
Speaker 1: God put us together for a reason. And the reason
21:01
Speaker 1: for that, remember that God gave Adam a purpose before
21:04
Speaker 1: he gave him Eve. And he said, it's better that
21:07
Speaker 1: you're together than that you're alone. He didn't just say, Adam,
21:10
Speaker 1: you look sad and you need a friend. That's not
21:12
Speaker 1: what he was saying. We're meant to be together for
21:15
Speaker 1: a purpose. And if you and your wife together are
21:18
Speaker 1: not pursuing something, you're not chasing after something, you're not
21:21
Speaker 1: building something, eventually your marriage is going to be you
21:25
Speaker 1: guys pulling each other apart. Because here's where you pull
21:29
Speaker 1: each other apart. Because there's times where neither of you,
21:33
Speaker 1: where neither of you feel very good. And because what
21:36
Speaker 1: most people rely on in their marriage is I'm having
21:38
Speaker 1: a hard time. You're going to help me or you're
21:40
Speaker 1: having a hard time. I'll help you. What about when
21:42
Speaker 1: you're both having a hard time? Because then you might
21:45
Speaker 1: start when people go through stuff like that, then they
21:47
Speaker 1: start picking each other apart and pulling each other down.
21:50
Speaker 1: Except if you're chasing after something that's more important than
21:53
Speaker 1: both of you, when you're both going through a hard time,
21:56
Speaker 1: it's like, you know what? Well, we're in this hard
21:58
Speaker 1: time together and we're going to get to this place.
22:00
Speaker 1: This is what we're believing for in our marriage. Right.
22:03
Speaker 1: So have a strong goal, have a life goal that
22:05
Speaker 1: you're building on with your wife. Never stop pursuing your wife.
22:10
Speaker 1: Pursue her like you're not even married. Pursue her the
22:13
Speaker 1: way that you did when you were dating. And if
22:15
Speaker 1: you struggle with this, honestly, I would tell you this
22:19
Speaker 1: is such a spiritual issue.
22:21
Speaker 2: Right.
22:22
Speaker 1: If you're if you're in the same place or if
22:25
Speaker 1: you're not in the place that Nick was talking about
22:27
Speaker 1: in his relationship and your relationship with God. where it's just, hey, God,
22:31
Speaker 1: I just want to be with you, you probably have
22:33
Speaker 1: the same problem in your marriage. I would challenge you
22:37
Speaker 1: that if that's where your relationship with God is, you
22:39
Speaker 1: probably wouldn't be in this place with your wife either.
22:42
Speaker 1: Another practical for you is really look at your marriage
22:46
Speaker 1: the same way you look at any other area of
22:48
Speaker 1: your life. Invest into it like it matters to you.
22:52
Speaker 1: One of the things that I've seen, I get the
22:54
Speaker 1: privilege of, and it's a challenge as well, but I
22:58
Speaker 1: get the privilege of being around very many extremely successful
23:02
Speaker 1: people by the world's standards. People worth billions and billions
23:06
Speaker 1: of dollars and represent massive spheres of influence. And one
23:10
Speaker 1: of the things I've recognized is that these people all
23:13
Speaker 1: either have mastered their marriage, right? They have really great
23:17
Speaker 1: marriages or they completely just shattered their marriage and don't
23:20
Speaker 1: care about their family life at all. I decided I
23:23
Speaker 1: want to be someone who's just as great. I want
23:26
Speaker 1: to be great in every area of my life. And
23:28
Speaker 1: I'm going to treat my marriage the same way that
23:31
Speaker 1: I treat these other things. Having a great wife, it
23:34
Speaker 1: is one of the most important decisions you ever make.
23:37
Speaker 1: And developing them, pouring into them, and creating that foundation
23:41
Speaker 1: that you both have, that's what sets you up for
23:43
Speaker 1: great success in life. So again, practically, invest in your
23:47
Speaker 1: marriage with the same intentionality you invest in any other
23:51
Speaker 1: area of your life. And here's just two more really quick.
23:55
Speaker 1: Take responsibility. for your growth in your marriage without putting
24:03
Speaker 1: an expectation on your spouse. This is the one I
24:06
Speaker 1: see so many people fall short in. They're like, well,
24:09
Speaker 1: I did this and they're not doing this. That's not
24:11
Speaker 1: the equation. The equation is you be your best. You
24:15
Speaker 1: be your best and keep loving, keep encouraging your spouse
24:18
Speaker 1: to grow, to do the same, but you've got to
24:20
Speaker 1: be your best and not with an expectation on, hey,
24:23
Speaker 1: I'll grow only if you're going to grow because then
24:26
Speaker 1: it turns into scorekeeping, right? You just be your best.
24:29
Speaker 1: And last one here, figure out how, like, as you
24:35
Speaker 1: grow with this person, they're your spouse. You should know
24:38
Speaker 1: them pretty well. Make growing together a lifelong pursuit that
24:43
Speaker 1: you guys can enjoy together. That's one of the great
24:46
Speaker 1: pieces of a marriage. And it's what scripture says, he
24:49
Speaker 1: who finds a wife finds a good thing. God put
24:52
Speaker 1: this woman in your life. I can tell you everything
24:54
Speaker 1: in my life is better because Lindsay's a part of it, right?
24:58
Speaker 1: And some of that is just like the fun and
24:59
Speaker 1: enjoyment that goes along with it. But make growing with
25:04
Speaker 1: your wife a lifelong pursuit, something that you guys enjoy
25:08
Speaker 1: doing together. You love spending time together. You love growing.
25:11
Speaker 1: You know, it would be, for an example, it'd be
25:15
Speaker 1: like doing yard work. You know what? Like sometimes, unless
25:18
Speaker 1: you're someone who's a green thumb and you love that stuff,
25:20
Speaker 1: Doing your artworks, it's like, hey, well, I got to
25:22
Speaker 1: get this done. But when you do it with your wife,
25:25
Speaker 1: you're going to have a better time. Find out how
25:29
Speaker 1: to do in your life all of this growth, all
25:31
Speaker 1: these things that you need that are going to help
25:33
Speaker 1: you build the life that you want to have, build
25:36
Speaker 1: the marriage that you want to have, have the relationship
25:38
Speaker 1: with God that you want to have. Do these things
25:40
Speaker 1: with your spouse and learn how to have a good
25:42
Speaker 1: time doing it.
25:44
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25:54
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26:04
Speaker 2: If you have any questions, if you want to get
26:05
Speaker 2: in touch and find out about Garrett's personal or business coaching,
26:08
Speaker 2: that's the way to do it. Thank you again for listening.
26:11
Speaker 2: Go out there, think better, and live the impossible. See
26:14
Speaker 2: you again soon. Yeah.