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Let Me Tell You Something · JLJ This Morning

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to jail J this morning, and when I recording
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: this at nighttime, you're on jail J Media, and I
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: decided to come talk to you guys again. I put
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: out a video yesterday of my brothers and my blast
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: died and tell you that story and a people are
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: finding out what's going on with him and such, and
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: so I want to talk very straight and plain to you,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: which I always do. Know. I love my lotties. You
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: guys are wonderful and great and online supportive. Some of
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: you were friends off camera and you're wonderful. But I
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: think some people, I think some of will say things
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: to me in my life they think they're helping and
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: they're not. So I'm going to give you some advice
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: that some caregivers know this already. People were in this
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: position already know this stuff, and we'll I'll agree with me.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: But some of you, guys, I don't think understand, and
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't understand fully until now until now. So in
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: this some people say things to me like you should
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: tell you you know you do in the insurance you
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: can get all these services and you should really, you know,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: figure out what you can get and blah blah blah,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: and maybe can get a caregiver or a nurse or
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: a bouy all these things, or you should look up
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: and try to look this thing up so you can
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: think blah blah blah, or you should you should have
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: a spa day, you should take one day for yourself,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: all these things. All that stuff sounds terrific. All this
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: stuff sounds wonderful, and some of it is partially true.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: They are when you are in the middle of caregiving
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  Speaker 1: a loved one. I'm talk about somebody you're very close
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: to in your circle. It could be a sibling, a parent,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: gram parent, a son or daughter, whoever. That's noting advice
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I need to hear you. Don't think I thought about
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: that already or thinking about some of that stuff. I'm
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: not an idiot, I'm not a dummy. I'm very well
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: versed in what's going on. I'm not all knowing. I'm
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: not saying that either. I'm a former nurse from a
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: healthcare professional. I'm fifty seven years old. Clearly I do know.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I'm sure I know some stuff. Those answers are not it.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I don't need those. I don't need that advice. When
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: you're caregiving someone there still needs to be one person
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  Speaker 1: who kind of oversees everything. Even if you have four
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: or five say you have four or five kids, you
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: all can't be doing it because there's just too many
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: kicks to cooks in the kitchen. You need one kind
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: of point person that can oversee it all. Now there's
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: called delegation, but that one point person kind of has
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: to make sure that delegation happens. Also, I'll give you
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: an example. Say you do get someone to come over
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: twice a week, you just have to make sure they
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: get there and show up. You have to oversee and
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: make sure they're not beating my mother or not feeding
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: her correctly, or not really looking after her, or being
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: mean her. There's so many people out there this is
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: going through now, right are going through this. You can't
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: just say, oh, I gots md Chase a week. I
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: can not just relax. No, you have to oversee that.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: It's make sure they're getting paid. So my point is
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: you never really relax and someone you love is sick. Sorryboddy,
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I wish I could make that. I wish I wish
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: that you never get a good night's sleep, You never
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: get any just when in the middle of someone who's
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: super HASEPI who can't do things on their own. So
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: whether you have help or not, if you're the one
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  Speaker 1: in charge or everything in charge of the financial part
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: or the medical part, decision making, or even it's your house,
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: you're trying to run your house, you never relax. I
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: always liking it to the first year of my daughter's life.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: A baby, they depend on you for everything. I always
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: call it you fall asleep, but it's I call it mommy, ear,
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  Speaker 1: daddy ear, Like you fall asleep in away, but you're
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: not a deep sleep, so you hear the baby wake up.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: And for me that first year, it was like, oh
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: my god, is she breathing? Is she breathing? Is she breathing?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Is your lives? Your lives? You're breathing. And I was young,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: so I can't imagine an older but I was young.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: That's how this feels. Well, I wake up and find
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: my brother dad, my mother dad, or find them paralyzed,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: or find them on the ground, or find them like
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I did there my brother bleeding in the front and
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: just and disoriented. That's always the back of your mind.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: I hope they're okay, and let me get ready for
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  Speaker 1: the next day. What's the routine. I live with them,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: I live with this person. I'm the first caregiver. I'm
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: gonna be the most plus money. Now everybody has to
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: save money. Now everybody has the same insurance, not all insurance.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: It's the greatest insurance. So that it's just stipulations. Not
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: saying it's not impossible, not saying that some help is
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: better than none. I'd say that at all. But I'm
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: more speaking to you the fact of the person who's
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: in charge charge never gets any rest, not true rest
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: of relaxation. You may get a few hours you go
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  Speaker 1: on your own again, like how many other new born
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: baby you get. You may get a twenty minute shower
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: really quick every once in a while, but most of
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: the time you're it's just I don't you understand. Caregiving
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: is almost like having a baby again. Got in some
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: places it really is actually that. And so tell you
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  Speaker 1: someone you should get a spa DA that means that's
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: one more thing I gotta add to my list of
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: ten thousand things I gotta do. Your suggestion, Hey, James,
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I got your gift card at at Burke Williams. Or Hey,
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  Speaker 1: even better, James, I booked your massage and blah, blah
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: blah on Thursday the tenth, and I'll come over and
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: watch your brother. Hey, James, I'm sure you're tired of
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: eat trying to cook and make meals. I'm gonna send
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: you forty bucks to you have dinner delivered. You know,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: sometimes that's too much for me. I got make a decision. Hi, James,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I know you love Randy's donuts. I'm gonna send you
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: a dozen donuts to your house. Here you go, you
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's like, what I need is
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: people to go. I'm here to help you. What do
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: you need? Not you should this, and you should that,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: and you should this, and you should that. You take
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: that shit somewhere else. I don't want to hear it.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I'm sure the carriers fill the same way. I'm in
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: charge of so much and I can't give somebody else
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: because it's personal information. Also, I want to tell you
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: there's also a cultural thing too many people of color.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: It's very true you don't have strange people in your house.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: First of all, this is a thing that you just
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: don't have. It's a weird thing. And also our families
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: are set up differently. Many times, it's not about they
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: don't feel safe or comfortable with somebody else. They want
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: that person that's their caregiver, which is from my case,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: it's me. My folks feel safe with me for whatever
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  Speaker 1: reason they feel safe. I stay calm. I have a
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: great attitude. I stay calm. I'm encouraging, I'm helpful. Less
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  Speaker 1: see a curse. You can look at it that way.
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  Speaker 1: They want me. No, I can't do everything. I can't
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  Speaker 1: clone myself, which I could, but I'm just trying to
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: say the mindset of the person who's not feeling well
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: or thinking well, you keep that in mind. Also, so
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  Speaker 1: this is not a video about excuses or that you
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: can't I trust me. I am looking at certain things.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: I am getting certain, but again, nothing is easy. It's
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: not like poof, I can find it. I cord for
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: every day. It's like it's usually you're winging on the phone.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, people know this now. It's worse now, all
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: these bots and everything. You know, how to get somebody
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: on the phone. There were many days I called for
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: some like it's wrong I got I gotta be on
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: the phone all day trying to book some stuff. Sometimes
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I've sat on this phone. I'll show you. We're gonna
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: shut you show you. I have a little stand my phone.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I'll sit there on a speaker and be on hold
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: for four to five hours before we get through. That
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: happens all the time. Or they have so much paperwork
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: and hoops to jump, it's almost set up to that
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: you don't you can't get it a service because I
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: know for a fact Kaiser rather has Kaiser. But I'll
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: have some services here, so I we tried some of them.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: My insurance has some services. I am taking part of those.
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  Speaker 1: A lot of that is meeting it on the phone,
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  Speaker 1: and sometimes the customer service is not the greatest either.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: And I will tell you something. Tammy Govea who has
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: been helped me out me and my assistant helped me
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: out on occasion. She has been on here in my
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: room on the phone on speaker and she has seen
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: and heard so the shenanigans. That's how to deal with
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: on the phone trying to book something and talk about
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: something because her service has gone down or it takes
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: you know, go online, download the app and like you
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: still have certain questions right you reach anybody takes forever.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm just saying things aren't that easy. And if
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: you still me I'm not retired. I'm still working. I
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: have to work. I got kids and grandkids who need me. Also,
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like time goes by fast
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: and it's just it's crazy. I think I want people
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: to really realize what they're saying to people. People quick
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: to give suggestions and all this stuff to you. I
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: encourage people just to listen more or ask a person
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: would do they need. I have several friends who are
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: really great at that. Let's go, James, what do you
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  Speaker 1: need from me? Or what can I do for you?
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: If you need anything, let me know, like, okay, thank you,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not us applied. I'll let you know as things progress.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: So I think that's the approach I like because it
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: could be any go to the store. You go to
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: the store. Well, for me, I need to run one
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: errand just one and all of the car so my
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: own women know all this stuff. It saved me. I said,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I'd rather give you twenty dollars for gas or whatever
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: you want to use it for, and then it's gonna
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I can to spend time with you as I'm running
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: the errand I have been learning to rely on friends
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: for at least a couple of hours to get me
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  Speaker 1: away from what I'm thinking, what's going on, But again
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: just remembering with that you never fully are far away
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: from it. You may get a physical break, and I
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: don't care you get help or not. You get a
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: physical break, you're still thinking that, You're still it's still
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: on your brain because if something goes down, I'm still
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: the one responsible, not them. So I just want I
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: just want people to think before they speak when someone's
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: talking to you about something they're going through or went through,
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: because I know I do. I don't just give out advice.
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  Speaker 1: I listen. I'm like, what do you need from me?
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I can help you out or not. Maybe it's because
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I have two daughters, I've learned to kind of listen better,
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  Speaker 1: not just talk. So I'm kind of I'm just kind
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: of suggesting that's everybody out there too. Everybody's situation is different.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I have cancer. My cancer is different than somebody else's cancer.
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  Speaker 1: Not everybody. Not ever, retreatment is the same. Not every
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: cancer is the same. Not everybody's caregiving is the same.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Situation is the same. Not everybody has friends and family,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: and everybody has the time. It goes by so fast
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: to do certain things. So I just I just really
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: wanted to say that to you guys. Say that not
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: just for me, but for other caregivers out there. I've
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: had some caregiving zooms would have passed a couple of years,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: and I've I loved listening to them and what they're
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: what they what they needed from friends and family, what
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: they got, what they needed. It's tough, and it's something
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: that's emotional, physical, mental, and many times financial, which plays
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: in all the other three. And I don't know. I
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: just I had no idea. I fully admit it. I
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: had no idea until I got in it. But I
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: would never abandon my family. It's not my spirit. Would
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: never do that. I will be there for my brother,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: I'll be there for my mom still, my kids and grandkids,
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: my friends, I will be there. I am just so
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: you know, I am doing some things I can for myself.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: I am trying. It's not easy, but I am trying.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: But I just know I have so much that I
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: have to do. I have so much that I have
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: to do that it's overwhelming. You guys, who knew, who knew,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: who knew, who knew, who knew, h