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One of a narcissist's greatest tricks · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about a narcissist greatest trick.
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  What? What?
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  One of the narcissist greatest tricks?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of the narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Y'all. So, yes, yes, yes.
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  Get your energy out. Let's go.
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  Let's get it. So one of a narcissist greatest
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  tricks. I'm not going to just wait till
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  the end to tell you until you're at the right at the beginning.
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  One of a narcissist greatest tricks is convincing you that
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  their bad behaviors are to your benefit or your fault.
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  That's what a lot of narcissistic people do right
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  there. A lot of narcissists will
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  literally try to convince you that your bad that their bad
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  behaviors, that their talk, the way they treat you, the way that
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  they act are either your fault or they benefit you in some way,
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  shape or form. It's like, yeah, that's what a
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  mental manipulation comes into play a lot of times in toxic
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  relationship dynamics with narcissistic people.
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  And this is just not in an intimate relationship with your
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  boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, partner, whatever spouse,
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  you know, fiance, whoever it is. This could be your best friend,
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  your BFF, your bestie. This could be your homeboy, your
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  home girl. This could be your you know,
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  your your associates, your Co workers, your parents, you know,
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  your siblings. The relationship dynamic is kind
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  of irrelevant here. I mean, power dynamics can
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  shift, but the relationship dynamic can be irrelevant
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  sometimes in these spaces because a lot of narcissists do
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  this. They will convince you that
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  their bad behaviors are your fault or they benefit you in
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  some way, like your parent. Like when you or if you grow up
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  in an abusive household, just not in not just an emotionally
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  not just an emotionally abusive household, but also a physically
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  abusive household. A toxic parent convince you
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  can't convince you that they're whooping you or beating your ass
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  because they love you because it's to your benefit, you know,
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  or they this is the only way to know how to get you to act
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  right. You know, I'm hitting you with
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  this, this, this, this clothes hanger because I love you and I
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  just want the best for you, You know, they will convince you of
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  that sometimes. And that's how some of us grew
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  up. This is the the dynamic that
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  some of us grew up in and some of y'all might view that in a
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  different light. You know, I grew up in the 80s
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  and 90s, early 90s, where that was a a real thing getting
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  weapons and getting they just like they used to powder you in
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  school. You know when I was in
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  elementary school, when I was going to Lawsonville Elementary
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  School in Reidsville, NC, they used to powder the principal had
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  the permission to paddle you in school back in the day, you
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  know, so you acted up. You can go to school and get a
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  whooping from the principal back in the day.
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  And they they they threw that out.
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  They threw that out. They used to bring out the ruler
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  and paddle people. That was crazy isn't I just
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  thought I just unlocked the memory.
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  I forgot about that. Wow.
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  I really forgot about that. Dang, I'll see how stuff can get
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  unlocked when you just start. Sometimes when you just start
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  talking, it's things can get unlocked and whatnot, But again,
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  they convincing you that it's your fault.
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  I'm hitting you. It's your fault.
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  I'm yelling and screaming at you.
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  It's your fault. I'm cheating on you.
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  You know, if you would have did it, if you did it on a if you
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  did a split last night, I wouldn't have cheated on you
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  today, you know? I know we do it four times a
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  day, but I wanted to do it five times, so I had to go get the
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  fifth time from somewhere. Right.
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  So it was your fault that I cheated on you because you
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  didn't give it to me the fifth time.
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  You know, we didn't clap cheeks for the fifth time today.
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  So it's your fault that I cheated on you, you know?
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  And if you think about it, at least I came back to you, right?
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  And I cheated on you, but I came back.
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  So it's your benefit. Like I got my needs met
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  elsewhere. So I'm not even angry.
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  I'm calm. I'm.
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  I'm cool. I got a good release elsewhere.
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  So I'll come back to you. Calm.
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  See how that benefits you. You see how my cheating benefits
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  you, You know, so I don't have to yell and scream at you
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  anymore. So I'm cheating because it
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  benefits us. It benefits both of us.
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  So why don't I just keep doing it?
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  You know, when I yell and scream, it gets you to act the
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  right. So the household is peaceful
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  because you're scared to speak because I you scared I'm going
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  to yell and scream at you. So this is that not to our
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  benefit because if you're not talking to me, because you're
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  that you afraid that I'm going to yell and scream, I don't have
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  to yell and scream. So that's to our benefit.
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  They convince you that you their bad behaviors, their toxicity is
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  to your benefit. You know, their toxicity, their
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  abuse, their lies, their crimes, whatever they're doing, it's
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  somehow benefits you. It's a benefit that I'm in
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  control of all the money in the household, right?
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  It's a benefit that we have, you know, one debit card and I give
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  you an allowance because that's how I think things should be.
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  I know everybody's relationship works differently out and some
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  relationships you, you know, somebody has spending issues and
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  spending problems. I get that.
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  But sometimes it is a financial abuse when you put your adult
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  partner on an allowance of like $5 a week for self-care or
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  something like that. Here's $6.
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  Get your soap, fingernail Clippers, tampons, condoms,
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  whatever you need. Here's $6.
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  You know, but you you spent $60.00 on a jersey last week or
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  a skirt last week, so why can't I get more than you See what I'm
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  saying? I control the money.
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  It benefits us because I we don't spend you just you're bad
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  with money. Let me just spend.
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  I'm going to do all the spending and you don't have to know where
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  all the money goes. You'll never know.
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  So that way you don't have to worry about money.
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  You just worry about this. I'm telling you, everybody's
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  relationship works differently. But that's the mindset that a
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  lot of people go into right there.
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  That's a space or the the area that a lot of people enter right
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  there, you know? So I'm trying to convey that
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  point to you. I'm trying to convey that to you
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  in a way that is beneficial to you because like when a
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  narcissist is talking to you, a narcissistic person is talking
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  to you, toxic ass person is talking to you, and they've done
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  you wrong. Typically, they're not going to
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  take accountability because if this is my greatest trick, it's
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  just kind of like this, you know, watch right here and it's
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  gone. The accountability is gone.
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  Like, keep your eye right here. Keep an eye on accountability
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  right here. Watch the accountability.
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  Watch the accountability right here.
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  Watch it now. Watch it.
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  It's gone. Magic trick.
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  It's your fault, you see what I'm saying?
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  It benefits you to not know what that accountability went.
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  The reason they do this is because they don't want to take
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  accountability. They don't want the shame to
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  creep into the relationship. They don't want it because it's
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  not shame. It's not beneficial to
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  narcissists. Y'all.
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  It's not. You see what I'm saying if.
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  I take accountability. I'm going to feel ashamed, then
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  I'm going to treat you badly. So it's good that I think.
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  I don't. It benefits you.
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  That I I don't take accountability.
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  Right, right, right. Or they they blame Schiff
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  because at the baseline of it, at the basis of it, it is a
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  shame avoidance. It is accountability avoidance.
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  That's the baseline of how the things go right there.
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  That's exactly it. So if you're dealing with a
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  narcissist or a toxic person and they continuously do these type
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  of things to you, this is how it's going to play out, just
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  just the way things go. And I'm just telling you, I'm
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  telling you all this because I know it should hit home with you
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  to help wake you up a little bit.
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  Like Lee Wright. Lee's right.
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  Because if you, if you were watching my channel, you think
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  you've been with a narcissist or you think you've been with
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  somebody with narcissistic traits or toxic behaviors at
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  minimum. So you when have, when have they
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  ever taken accountability? When I say when I say
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  accountability, I mean they say apologize with it was a genuine,
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  sincere apology. They told you exactly what they
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  did wrong. They told you a problem, a
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  solution, and he's like, OK, I did it.
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  Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you.
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  Here's the solution. Here's I'm truly sorry.
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  Here's some remorse. Here is the consistent change
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  behaviors. Have they done that to take
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  accountability? Because accountabilities require
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  a lot of things. Just saying I'm sorry, they
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  don't mean what the hell. What?
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  Yeah. OK, Rat bubble.
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  Why? Just because somebody says the
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  words I'm sorry doesn't mean that they are sorry to you.
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  I need. So this is me talking to y'all
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  in a strict way right here. This is this is me being
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  beneficial to you. The words I'm sorry don't mean
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  anything without if they're not accompanied by specificity,
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  remorse and some changed behaviours because somebody says
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  I'm. Sorry, they don't mean.
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  What does that? Mean sorry for what?
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  I'm just sorry for everything. I'm sorry if I hurt you.
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  I'm sorry. No.
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  I'm sorry if you'd be the 19. 60 Group No, no, no, no.
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  What are they sorry for? Genuine accountability.
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  Genuine remorse? Specificity.
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  Tell me what you did wrong. Tell me what you're apologizing
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  for. Acknowledge that you hurt me and
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  how you hurt me. So I'm telling.
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  So I see so many people in my comment sessions.
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  Oh, oh, if they would have only said I'm sorry.
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  I would have forgave them. Nor the hell you wouldn't have.
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  Why? Why just could you hear the
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  words? I'm sorry.
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  They don't mean anything. They don't carry any weight
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  without anything behind it. It's just empty words.
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  It's empty words. Empty calories.
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  It's like drinking beer. You get fat off of beer because
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  you drink with beers. Has empty calories.
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  Doesn't provide you any type of energy.
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  It's just calorie. Empty calories you get.
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  It's like you get emotionally fat off of narcissistic
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  apologies because they have empty calories.
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  They're they're accompanied by, they don't have anything with
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  them. It's empty.
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  You see what I'm saying? I'm not saying physically fat.
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  You get emotionally fat off of this right here.
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  You get emotionally neglected. You you see what I'm saying?
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  Rent over. But Dang y'all it just get it.
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  It gets to my nerve because because I care.
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  I want y'all to win. I really, really do.
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  I truly want y'all to win. That's what's coming from the
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  bottom of my heart. I want y'all to win and I want
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  y'all to wake up and stop accepting apologies that don't
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  that are not apologies. I'm sorry doesn't mean anything.
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  What do you sorry for? And if they're genuinely sorry,
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  they should be able to tell you what they did wrong and be
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  specific with it. If you if they say I'm sorry and
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  then you say for what? And they just like, you know
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  what, I'm sorry, you know what I did?
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  They they they apologize. They don't care.
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  They just like you. You just so used to hearing the
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  words. I'm sorry, no, we require more
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  this year. 2024 is the year of requiring more.
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  And I did not try to rhyme, but it did.
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  It was fire with it, you know 2024, the year we were required
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  more. Yeah, that's a slogan for y'all
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  this year. Slogan.
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  Slogan it out. Require more.
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  Require more accountability. Require more, you know
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  admission. Acquire more, Require more
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  specificity. Require more remorse.
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  Require more love. Like, I'm just telling you,
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  would you have to? If you're going to require it
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  from them, you have to require it from yourself as well.
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  You have to require their love from yourself as well.
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  Deep within yourself, you know what you have to do.
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  You know what you need to do. So it's time for empowerment,
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  self empowerment, life empowerment.
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  Because you want you need to. This is winning.
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  This is winning season right here.
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  Y'all. So a narcissistic person's
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  greatest trick is making accountability disappear.
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  Put it on to you. Oh, this benefits both of us.
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  If I can have an extramarital affair, this benefits both of
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  us. If I could just neglect the
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  kids, this benefits everybody in the household.
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  If I just work and don't come home, it benefits me to not help
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  the kids with homework. It benefits me that I do this.
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  I'm just saying whatever it is, y'all is it really beneficial to
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  you or are they just saying words?
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  Ask yourself that question. Is it really beneficial to me or
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  are they just saying words? Is it really my fault?
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  Or are they just saying words to avoid accountability?
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  Are they trying to make accountability disappear?
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  It's gone. It was horrible.
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  Magic trick. I'm not a magician.
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  I'm a narcissist. Anyways y'all I'm super thankful
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  to child here. Make sure you subscribe to my
• 12:08
  newsletter. I have two video series coming
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  out here pretty soon. The cycle of narcissistic
• 12:12
  relationship and understanding self love 30 days of self love
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  coming soon. Y'all.
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  Make sure you subscribe to this channel as well and get off.
• 12:21
  Thank you for all the support, all the Super thanks and super
• 12:23
  chats or whatever. Y'all but the hell this is out.
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  Please Thank you so much for making it to the end of my
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  video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
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  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
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  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 12:39
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 12:41
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon, so check that
• 12:45
  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.