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Boundaries: Foundation · The Living Freed Podcast

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Hey y 'all, I'm Hannah Liz, a coastal living,
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Jesus living, NC native, and this is the Living
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Freed Podcast. Where we discuss intentionally
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living our lives to the fullest that God has
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intended Having those late night open heart friend
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convos not letting others ourselves or ideas
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hold us down Allowing Jesus to free us of the
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chains that we didn't know we were holding on
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to You can see the full show notes attached to
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this episode. And if you love this episode, please
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leave me a review Hey y 'all, welcome back to
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the living freed podcast. I'm Hannah Liz And
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we're going to go right into weekly updates.
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So what have I been up to this week? Well, my
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brother is out of the hospital. All is well.
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Everyone has lived. We're going to survive. We
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are all emotionally, physically, mentally exhausted.
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And the sun has finally come out, so best to
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say I've been recharging sitting out in that
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sunshine with my Kindle open, ready to just read.
1:19
Um, I got in the pool and honestly the water
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is freezing so I think we're out of the water
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season and just gonna have to suffer through
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the heat cause, I don't know, it's just really
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chilly and I'm a little bit of a baby. I might
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actually just need to go to the beach and swim
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in the ocean. How ever will I survive? Anyways,
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I want to talk about the summer turned pretty.
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I do. I've been dying to talk about it with somebody
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so you have to listen to me talk about it. I...
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I hate this show. I hate this show and I hate
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Belly. I'm not a Belly fan. I don't think I'll
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ever be a Belly fan. This girl needs to get it
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together. I saw someone say like, oh if Belly
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went to my school, I would be talking behind
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her back. I would be talking behind her back.
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I really would. I cannot stand her. To not ruin,
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like first off, this boy's mom is dead. She is
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dead. And then you're gonna, like, emotionally
2:12
play with both of them still and you think you
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want to be with Jeremiah who clearly is a hot
2:16
mess express. Also, Belly's friends are not good
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friends because of my best friend, or even a
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girl that I'm friends with, boyfriend of however
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many years cheated on her. Going on a little
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trip. Sorry, spoiler alert for anyone who hasn't
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been watching season 3. Cheats on her on going
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on a little trip and then they get engaged the
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next day. I would be crashing out just like I
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am now over these fictional characters. Like
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absolutely not. Who are these friends? These
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are bad friends and then everyone's mad at Belly's
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mom for not wanting to be at the wedding. I stand
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with the mom. Don't go to that wedding like that.
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We're not going to reward stupid choices. We're
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just not. You play stupid games, you win stupid
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prizes. That just is what it is. And I get it.
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Belly, honestly, she just wants the beach house.
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That's all she cares about. Every time she talks
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about these boys, it always comes back to that
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dang beach house. That's all she wants. So she
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should just end up with that and let's move on.
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Let's call the show to an end. Episode 7 had
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me crashing out. It makes me not want to watch
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anymore, but it's a Wednesday and I'm recording
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and so I'll I will be watching it again. Anyways.
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I will definitely be watching it again until
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it ends. And I am ashamed to say so. Alright,
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we are going to talk about what's in. What is
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in is my 6am wake up calls. I'm back at it. I
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took a couple weeks off. and missed it. I missed
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my routine. I thrive on routine y 'all. I don't
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know about you but I really thrive on routine
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and when I'm not like okay first off I'm not
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someone who's gonna sit there and be like I wake
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up at 6 a .m. and that's why I'm so tired today
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even though I definitely want to complain about
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being tired but I'm waking up at 6 a .m. because
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I just there's things I want to do before I go
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to work. I've even thought about asking them
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to change my schedule an hour out so that I can
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wake up later to do all the things I want to
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do. before work. Those things being even though
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no one asked was I like to get up and go to the
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gym. It helps me get my energy started. It helps
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me get the day started. I just don't like waking
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up before the sun is up. It's not fun. I also
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love to come home and I make my little espresso
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and I make my little latte and I sit down I read
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my bible and then I journal a little bit and
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then after that I get up and I, you know, do
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my hair and I do my makeup and I eat my little
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breakfast and then I go to work. Does it take
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from 6 a .m. to 8 45 to do that all? Yes, it
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100 % does. I also listen to a little podcast
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while getting ready for work. And so, yeah, I
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just need more time. And if I could avoid waking
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up at 6 a .m. to get it all done, I would. But
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it's just not working. What is out? Let me tell
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you what's out is your girl's not paying for
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books right now. Paying for books is out. I got
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Kindle Unlimited, so I am paying for books in
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some way, but the amount of books I go through
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in a week is actually embarrassing and mortifying,
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and I won't tell you because my roommate is embarrassed
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for me. Every time I tell her I finished a book,
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she looks at me with fear in her eyes, and I
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think she's concerned for my mental sanity. But
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I love reading, and anyone who's a big reader
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gets it. So anyways, Kindle Unlimited has saved
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my life, and I'm not going to Barden Noble once
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or twice a week. And it's also made my reading
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habit so much worse. Yeah. And that's all I have
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to say on that. So, uh huh. What's out is paying
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for books. I 10 out of 10 recommend Kindle Unlimited.
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Alright, we are going to dive into today's episode.
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Alright my loves, let's talk about boundaries.
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What they are and what they look like in your
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life. You might already have very healthy boundaries
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in your life or in some parts of your life. Or
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you could be like me when I was in my early 20s
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and have no boundaries in place for others whatsoever.
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This is a daunting conversation and I'm not even
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sure where to start because you can go so many
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places with this topic. But I guess a good place
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to start would be the beginning. Well, my beginning,
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not yours, and not the beginning of the subject
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of boundaries. This actually might be your beginning
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for your story on learning boundaries. Anyways,
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I had a roommate named Caitlin. Caitlin and I
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lived together for two -ish years, I think, and
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she's about five years older than me. And while
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we lived together, we had lots of different conversations.
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And one of those conversations came up when she
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looked at me one day and said I didn't have any
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boundaries and then handed me a book by Dr. Henry
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Cloud. Now, you might think what a weird random
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thing for someone to say to you, but for me,
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it wasn't random and it was very accurate. I
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didn't have boundaries for myself. I didn't have
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boundaries with friends, with my family, with
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ex -boyfriends, and with my roommates. You wanted
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my time. You could have it. You had something
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to say. Just say it. I let people cross over
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my lines of what was comfortable again and again
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and again. Now, most of us have had lines and
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if you did have lines, eventually those lines
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get pushed so far back you don't see them anymore
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and that's like they never existed, right? So
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how did this conversation with Caitlin come up?
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Well, an ex that I was no longer interested in
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was trying to stay a part of my life. My family
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was woefully involved in the situation and it
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was making it worse. A lot worse. Long story
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short, they were late to the news of the fact
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that I didn't want to be with this guy, and they
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were trying to make peace with the idea that
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I would be with this guy. It ended up being a
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whole mess. I mean police showing up mess. Another
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instance of boundaries being crossed was with
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a roommate. Asking if they could catch a ride
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with me, and I'd say sure, but I'm leaving at
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blah blah blah time, so be ready to go then.
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At this point in my life, I was an on time person.
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Not anymore, so don't hold me to it. And this
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roommate was known for always being late. And
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they would be late on me. 10, 15, 20 minutes
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late, which would then make me late. And it made
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me uncomfortable to be late. Another example
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is the fact that I let people speak into my life
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that had no right to speak into my life. And
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then I would let their words affect me. Now,
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y 'all have heard me talk about this in previous
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podcast episodes, so you I already have a glimpse
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of what I'm referencing in this instance. Here's
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the thing. I chose to not communicate with my
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family properly in that situation, because I
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thought if I didn't say anything to them about
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it, then they wouldn't know anything about it.
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I chose to sit in my car and wait for my roommate
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to come out of the house instead of driving off
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at the time I told her I would be leaving. I
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chose to allow people to say or speak anything
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to me instead of saying, no, you're wrong, or
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that's a weird thing you felt comfortable enough
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to say to me in leaving. I sat there and I took
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what they had to say to heart. Before I keep
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chatting, let's talk about what boundaries are.
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Boundaries are a line you draw on the sand, physically
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or emotionally, in a relationship or situation.
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Boundaries keep you safe. They send off warning
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bells. They are able to move and be adjusted
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so that you're able to grow. Boundaries are healthy
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for this reason. They aren't a wall that keep
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you locked in and others locked out. They are
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more like an invisible fence that people should
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get zapped if they cross over. Boundaries are
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also different for each person in your life.
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No two boundaries are exactly the same. The boundaries
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you have with your mom will be different than
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the ones you have with your best friend or co
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-worker. Someone used this metaphor with me,
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and it really helped it click. But maybe I should
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tell you the story first of how I ended up having
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this conversation in the first place, so you
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can see just how bad I was with boundaries. I
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had a roommate. No, not Caitlin. A different
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one. She decided she didn't like me. another
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roommate had lied about a situation to make herself
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look better and I just have never been the type
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to feel like I need to defend myself because
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it somehow helped keep the peace so I would stay
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silent for the sake of keeping peace and I would
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move on. It might be the trauma from my childhood
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with a dad who loved to argue and not keep peace.
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It might be just the fact that it's built into
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my personality. But you can say something nasty
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about me or to me about me. And honestly, I'll
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just literally shrug my shoulders and move on.
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Again, is it to keep the peace? Not so much anymore
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I've learned to not care, but back then, it absolutely
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was. I did not want to cause any more feathers
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to be ruffled, tension in the air, arguments
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to get started, and I always felt like no matter
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how much you defended yourself, you would always
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still be painted in a bad light. Okay, anyways.
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Well, the roommate that didn't like me got lit
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up one day by a text I sent to the group chat
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asking people to please empty my vacuum after
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using it. She said she felt like I was calling
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her out over text. Then she came home, busted
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into my bedroom, and yelled at me, told me I
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was worthless, that I didn't deserve to live,
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that my own family doesn't even like me, and
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that she's replacing me because they like her
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more. And she said a few other choice words that
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I won't be saying in case there are children
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around. In that moment, I remember I was sitting
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in my bed, my dog was in my room, the sun had
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set, and I stayed silent. Still, sitting on my
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bed. curled up in my blankets, and I said, I'm
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sorry you feel that way, and just waited for
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her to leave my room. I sat there, in my bed,
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tucked up in my blankets, waiting for her to
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leave, again, my bedroom. Which she did, and
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after she did, I cried. I sat there and cried,
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hugging my giant pit bull. I texted my bosses
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that lived in my neighborhood, And the reason
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I texted them is I feel I felt like, and I do
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feel like they knew me really well. They saw
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me five, six, seven days a week sometimes. Not
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always at work because again, they lived in my
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neighborhood. They knew a lot about me. They
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watched me go through a lot of different trials
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and journeys and seasons while I worked with
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them. um and there was just a lot of deep conversations
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we would have outside of work that had me feel
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very seen by them and known by them and i trusted
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their opinion of me so that when others spoke
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into me and i would ask them they would say yes
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i agree with that or no and they would let me
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know when they saw stuff that i needed to work
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on if i wasn't my word if i wasn't showing up
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on time to work. If I wasn't being a team player
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in some way, they would let me know. They would
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speak into my life. So I really trusted their
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opinion and their approach with how they would
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handle it. So they had me over immediately. I
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walked out of the house in tears trying to pull
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myself together while the other girls stood in
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the kitchen. Because this was the time in my
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life that when someone told me something I really
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took it to heart and I wanted to do better if
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you thought I was a bad person for some reason
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I wanted to be better if you told me that I wasn't
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my word I wanted to show up as my word if you
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told me I over committed I would stop committing
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to things and only commit to one thing or nothing
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and sit at home for the sake of not being over
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committed I Really like I wish I could drive
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into how much I took what people said to me to
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heart because I never wanted to show up and in
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negative light and I wanted to be the best version
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of myself that I could be. And I didn't know
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at that time that people who spoke negatively
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into you weren't always doing it for your better.
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It was to make them feel better. So I got to
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their house and told them everything that had
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happened and what was said to me. They informed
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me at that time that she was absolutely not telling
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truth and that I needed to not let it sit in
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me and with me as if it were, then the husband
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said this metaphor to me. You need to look at
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your boundaries as a house. A lot of people you
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only let in on your front porch to chat. Some
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you'll let into your living room. And there are
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those you'll even have in your kitchen to make
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dinner for. But there are few, there are very
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few you'd let into your bedroom. I don't know
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about you, but that makes so much sense when
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it comes to setting boundaries. It's a lot clearer
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for me. Those you trust most get to be in your
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bedroom. They get to see the pile of dirty laundry
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sitting in the corner, the day old glass of water
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by the bed, they get to see the bed you sleep
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in safely at night, and hell, they might even
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see your diary sitting around somewhere. The
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people in the kitchen don't get that. But they
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get a home -cooked meal from you. They get to
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see your dirty dishes. The people in the living
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room don't get that, though. They get to sit
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comfortable on the couch and chat and see your
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pictures on the wall. And the people on the porch
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don't get that. They get a welcoming smile and
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a nice conversation. But they have no idea what
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the inside of your house looks like. And they
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don't need to. The people on your porch, if they
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tell you they don't or do like something about
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your decor, you wouldn't care. They can barely
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see through the windows. What are they talking
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about? The people in the living room, you might
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care a little bit more of what they think with
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the pictures hanging up on the wall, but not
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as much as you care about the people in the kitchen.
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Their opinion will hold a little more weight
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to you. And you might even let them venture around
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into the house. But the people in your bedroom?
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Those are the ones you trust to walk wherever.
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Use the bathroom without asking. Offer some decor
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advice. They're the ones that would help with
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the laundry in the corner. All that to say, That
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old roommate's opinion meant a whole lot less
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to me. I gave her too much power to speak into
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my life. And that's not her fault, but my own.
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So how did I set a boundary with her? It might
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seem rude. Actually, I know it's probably going
15:58
to seem rude, especially to those of us that
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struggle to set boundaries. But she wasn't allowed
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into my emotional bedroom or my physical bedroom.
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She might live in my physical house, but she
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was barely welcomed on the porch of a metaphorical
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house. I had no need to speak to her. I had no
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emotional vacancy to give her. I wasn't hateful
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towards her. I never told the other roommates
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what went down. I didn't purposely avoid her.
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If she was home with the others, when I walked
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in I'd say hi to everyone, but if it was only
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her, I'd have no reason to say hello. If she
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asked me something, I would answer politely,
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but I wouldn't stop her to hold a conversation.
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I remember on the holidays, the other two roommates
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had gone and she asked me to go get dinner with
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her. I thought this was weird, but said yes because
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I'd want someone to give me a chance, so I thought
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I'd give her a chance. Not that I owed it to
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her or anything. I kept my boundaries firm the
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whole time. She told me I had changed and that
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she liked it. I said thanks, but your opinion
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means nothing to me. Again, I know, seems rude,
17:00
but at this point when someone has said so much
17:02
hateful things to you, you want to say hateful
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things back, but... It's best to let it go, hold
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your tongue, and just be point blank. You don't
17:11
have to be rude, but you don't have to be like,
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oh my gosh, thanks so much. I really appreciate
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you telling me that. Or thank you, I really respect
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your opinion of that. Or wow, I'm glad you've
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seen me grow. No, thanks, but your opinion means
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nothing to me. That's letting her know, hey,
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stop trying to give me your opinion of me. You
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hold no weight in my life anymore. Don't cross
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over that boundary trying to think that you can.
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Anyways, back to the story. She then told me
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for some strange reason I was now her favorite
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roommate out of the three. I thought that was
17:42
a weird thing to say since she claimed to be
17:44
best friends with the other two. So I said, that's
17:47
a weird thing to say. And I don't believe you,
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but okay. Again, could this seem rude 110 %?
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But was her telling me that I was her new favorite
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roommate out of the three when she was besties
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with the other two? Weird. Yes. What is the motive
18:03
behind that? My job isn't to decide what the
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motive is, but my job is to, again, set my boundaries
18:09
firm. And that was to say, that's weird. I didn't
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say, that's suspicious. Or, why would you say
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that to me when you're besties with the other
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two? I just said, that's a weird thing to say,
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calling out the weirdness of it. Because, again,
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it's weird. And I don't believe you. Again, saying,
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your words hold no value in my life. Your words
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don't hold value to me. So I don't believe you
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but okay Okay, being the acceptance letting her
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know she can say it if she wants to does not
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mean I'm gonna accept it but that's the end of
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my sentence and Again, the okay helped me just
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keep the peace and move on because I was trapped
18:47
in a car with her So I know all of that might
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have seemed rude or mean But I gave her a chance,
18:54
a chance for real conversation, a chance to be
18:57
friends. But she wanted to play the compliment
18:59
game as if her opinion of me held any value.
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But sometimes when people lose access to you,
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it's for a reason. They lose access to your bedroom
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and now they have to wait on your porch or at
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the end of your driveway. And some shouldn't
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even have your address to be so for real. So
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if we don't have boundaries with people. What
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can life look like? Should Christians have boundaries?
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Well, life can look a little emotionally and
19:29
physically chaotic. The earth itself has boundaries.
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The waters of the earth, the land from the sky,
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and when they overstep, we get a mess. We have
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horrible storms, earthquakes, hurricanes come
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through, you just never know what the damage
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might be and what to expect, right? I want to
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dive into what scripture says about boundaries.
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The first verse I'm going to give you is Acts
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17 verse 26. It says, and the boundaries of their
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dwellings. That's saying that people groups were
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going to live in different areas and those were
20:10
the dwellings and their boundaries. Along with
20:12
the seasons, what happens when our seasons start
20:14
to cross over? I mean we see it in the spring
20:17
into the fall. Summer and spring hit and we have
20:20
huge thunderstorms come through. When hot and
20:22
cold air hit, we get tornadoes, we get hurricanes,
20:26
and I'm sure we get a million other things that
20:28
I just don't keep up with because I'm only on
20:29
the east coast. But every time we get to the
20:32
end of the summer here, We always have to worry
20:34
about when fall's coming because if the water
20:36
gets hot too quick going into summer from spring,
20:39
and then the air gets cold too quick going into
20:41
fall, we get mass destruction with those hurricanes,
20:45
y 'all. I mean, they are aggressive. It's bad.
20:48
We went and did hurricane relief back in last
20:51
fall in Asheville because it's been so bad. So
20:54
that's what it's talking about. Those seasons
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and those boundaries are in place for safety,
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especially for their dwellings. In Exodus 23
21:02
.31, it's basically saying or it's talking about
21:06
how God sets land boundaries for the Israelites
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as to tell them what land will be theirs. So
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what to expect? This is the land you're going
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to live in. This is the land you're going to
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dwell in. This land is going to belong to you
21:17
and your children and your children's children,
21:19
not the land outside of it. Don't fight for land
21:23
outside of it, but fight and protect the land
21:25
that is yours. Proverbs 4 .23 says, Keep your
21:30
heart with diligence, for out of it is the wellspring
21:33
of life. Now, take a minute and just think for
21:35
yourself, what does that mean? Are you protecting
21:38
your heart? Are you aware of what's going into
21:40
it, so that what comes out of it is life? Are
21:43
you aware of what you're allowing people to speak
21:45
into you? Are you aware of what you allow people
21:47
to do to you? And how you're taking that information
21:50
in and your body and your brain and your heart
21:52
is processing it? For then what you process will
21:56
come out as your wellspring. And you want that
21:58
to be life, don't you? Lastly, Proverbs 25 -17
22:02
says, Let your foot be solemn in your neighbor's
22:05
house. Least he have his fill of you and hate
22:08
you. I feel like that's really self -explanatory,
22:11
but in case you aren't sure what that means,
22:13
that means be aware where your feet are. Is your
22:15
nose in someone else's business? Are you creating
22:18
an argument or strife with somebody else? Are
22:20
you aware of other people's boundaries? Because
22:23
it's not just about you. Are you socially aware
22:26
if you have overstepped someone else's boundaries?
22:29
Are we aware that we are respecting others so
22:32
that we can keep the peace, especially between
22:34
Christians? So what are boundaries? Do you feel
22:39
like you have a firmer grasp on them and what
22:42
use they might bring into your life? Do you think
22:44
you are ready to set some or feel reassured in
22:47
the ones that you have set? If not, stick around
22:50
because our next episode will be about setting
22:52
boundaries with friends. Okay, if you want to
22:56
hear some tea about my life and hear the dirty
22:58
deets about why my roommate was mad at me Stick
23:01
around for the end of the podcast. You'll get
23:03
those details Let's pray dear Jesus. Thank you
23:07
so much for giving us a heart to guard Thank
23:10
you for giving us your presence And the Holy
23:14
Spirit to help give us to sermon Thank you for
23:16
the courage and the strength that you've given
23:17
us I ask that you continue to give us to sermon
23:20
and strength and wisdom as we step into setting
23:22
boundaries, that we won't give into the fear
23:25
and anxiety of if someone gets mad at us, are
23:28
we allowed to have boundaries? What if people
23:30
aren't happy about it? What if it makes someone
23:32
else uncomfortable? But help us see that you
23:34
have done this for us, that you've allowed us
23:36
to have boundaries, that you have boundaries,
23:39
and that you have placed boundaries emotionally,
23:42
physically, scientifically, like truly all over
23:46
the world, in our hearts and in our bodies too.
23:48
I ask that we feel encouraged and ready to take
23:51
on the day and that we see where we're struggling
23:55
to have boundaries or where we have walls that
23:59
we need to break down and replace them with boundaries.
24:02
And in Jesus name, amen. Alright, that's all
24:15
I've had for you today. Thank you so much for
24:17
listening to the Living Freed podcast. Let's
24:19
get connected. You can reach me on Instagram
24:22
at Hannah Liz D or email me at livingfreedpod
24:25
at gmail .com. If you're loving the podcast,
24:29
I'd be so honored if you'd go ahead and hit that
24:32
subscribe button and leave me a review. And if
24:35
you have feedback or a subject you'd like me
24:37
to cover, please email or DM me on Instagram.
24:40
Again, thank you so much for listening. I hope
24:42
you feel encouraged and lighter today. Bye y
24:45
'all So apparently you did decide you want the
24:57
spilt tea so you've stayed You stayed to the
25:01
very end of this episode to hear exactly what
25:03
happened and I'm gonna fill you girls and or
25:07
guys because I know there's a few boys listening
25:09
and As I remember from high school, the boys
25:12
love the drama. You could say, this is gossiping.
25:16
And if you feel that way, don't listen. I don't
25:18
feel like it's gossiping because one, I have
25:21
no ill intention towards those people anymore.
25:24
Two, it does kind of give more information on
25:26
why I handled the situation the way I handled
25:29
it. And three, I will follow up with what I wish
25:32
I had done differently, just in case anyone's
25:34
wondering. OK, so the story. Here we go. I actually
25:39
haven't told anybody these details um except
25:43
for the people who have lived it with me and
25:45
even then very few of them know all the details
25:48
so what happened uh the roommate who got mad
25:51
at me we'll call her D. D went down to um Caitlin's
25:58
hometown and ended up poking up with Caitlin's
26:01
cousin and didn't tell Caitlin the thing is though
26:05
is Caitlin's super close with her family and
26:07
she went back home to see them and her aunt brought
26:10
it up to her and was like, hey, did you know
26:11
that Dee was down here last weekend? The thing
26:14
is, is I knew Dee had gone down that weekend,
26:17
not that she told me. I just kind of like had
26:19
a feeling that she had gone down, but I didn't
26:21
say anything to anyone. When she came back, she
26:24
confided in me and said, yes, I went and did
26:26
this. I kind of regret it. X, Y, Z. Why she regretted
26:29
it is she had just broken up with her boyfriend
26:31
and her boyfriend is my ride or die. Childhood
26:37
best friends little brother so he is like an
26:40
extension of my best friend to me. So why she
26:43
told me I'm not sure But anyways, I guess she
26:46
wanted me in on the drama and she begged me She's
26:48
like don't you dare tell Caitlin XYZ and I was
26:50
like girl I'm not gonna tell Caitlin like this
26:52
is drama in the house that I don't need to be
26:54
a part of whatever Well, we had another roommate.
26:58
We'll call her Kay Kay also was friends with
27:01
Dee and knew all the tea. Well, my little sister
27:04
was visiting me one day asked um was asked we
27:08
were talking about something in the kitchen I
27:09
don't remember and Kay came home and was like
27:12
hey have you talked to Dee blah blah blah blah
27:15
blah and I said no I'm gonna let her and Caitlin
27:17
figure that out I'm staying out of it I haven't
27:20
told Caitlin I don't plan on telling Caitlin
27:22
XYZ my little sister said wait what are you guys
27:25
talking about I want to know the details I said
27:28
it's not my story to tell it's roommate drama
27:30
you don't need to know it Well, Kay was also
27:33
besties with my little sister and said, Oh, don't
27:35
worry. I'll tell you when Hannah leaves. So it's
27:38
my understanding that Kay told my baby sister
27:41
once I left the room, because again, I did not
27:44
want to be a part of any of it. Well, Caitlin
27:46
came home, point blank asked me, did Dee do XYZ?
27:49
I said, from my understanding, yes, but it's
27:53
none of my business. That's why I didn't tell
27:55
you and you need to speak to her directly. Well,
27:58
Kay told Dee, because Caitlin and Kay are close
28:01
too, Kay told Dee that I'm the one who told Kaitlyn
28:05
that I ratted her out to Kaitlyn. That's not
28:08
the facts. Kaitlyn's a grown adult. She went
28:11
home, talked to her family, talked to her family
28:14
and got the details. I didn't have to go running
28:16
to Kaitlyn to rat her out. I didn't care enough
28:18
to run to Kaitlyn and rat her out. There was
28:21
no one's approval I was trying to gain. Well,
28:25
Dee bought Kay's story. Kaitlyn never thought
28:29
to fact check anything. And um, Kay, I think
28:34
to keep herself out of trouble, said that I told
28:37
my sister when in fact it was Kay who told my
28:40
sister too. So then Dee was also mad at me for
28:42
telling my little sister because why wouldn't
28:45
I tell my little sister? And in every other world,
28:47
yes, I typically, well actually, that's not true.
28:50
I didn't tell my little sister a lot out of respect
28:52
to others, but best believe, now I tell my little
28:55
sister just so in case, just because I can. Truly,
28:58
just because I can. And she minds her own business,
29:00
y 'all. My little sister minds her business.
29:02
She stays in her lane, but she likes some spilt
29:04
tea, just like all of us do. So anyways, that
29:08
is why Dee was mad at me, decided that I was
29:11
a backstabbing friend, blah, blah, blah, blah,
29:13
blah. And Kay decided that she just cared too
29:18
much about Dee's opinion and being in her good
29:20
graces to stand up for herself and be like, no,
29:23
I did rat it out. Sorry, I should have kept my
29:24
mouth shut. All that to say, what I wish I had
29:27
done differently was gone up to Dee and said,
29:30
hey, Caitlin's home, she knows. That's one. Two,
29:33
what I wish I had done differently was stand
29:35
up for myself. I wish I had confronted Kay for
29:38
blaming me for what she had done. I wish I had
29:42
confronted Dee for speaking to me the way she
29:44
had and saying, clearly, you don't know my character
29:47
well enough to know that I wouldn't have told
29:49
on you. And honestly, I wish I had confronted
29:53
Caitlin instead of why do you not have my back
29:56
and why are you letting them just like say whatever
29:59
they want when you know that's not how it went
30:00
down but again I was someone who liked to keep
30:03
the peace I'd rather stay quiet and let things
30:05
move on and I had just gone out of a really emotionally
30:10
abusive relationship where he kind of taught
30:14
me to be quiet and mind my own business and not
30:16
speak up for myself just out of the years that
30:19
we were together so it was ingrained in me at
30:21
that time to not But looking back at my younger
30:24
self, I wish I'd set those boundaries stronger
30:27
and stood up for myself more. And that's what
30:30
I do differently now. I call people out on their
30:34
BS pretty much right away. Now, there have been
30:36
times it's taken me a year to finally stand up
30:38
for myself because I've decided it's worth the
30:41
fight. Most of the time, I decide it's not worth
30:44
the energy spent on. but should the moment arise
30:48
and we're face -to -face and someone's doing
30:51
some BS in front of me, in front of me or behind
30:54
my back, I'll call it out then and there. I don't
30:57
have time to not typically. It really just depends
31:01
how much value that person holds in my life and
31:03
that situation holds in my life. So yeah, that's
31:06
the T on that. If you want the T on why the police
31:09
were called and the instance with my family,
31:11
you're gonna have to wait for the family episode
31:14
on boundaries. Okay, I hope you enjoy the tea.
31:17
Bye y 'all!