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Miniseries: Transforming Collective Trauma into Empowerment (Part 1) · Black Girls Consult TOO!

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Black Girls Console 2 podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, dr Angelina Davis, and today I want to really just bypass all the formalities, all the standard ways that we're taught to start a podcast episode transparent and, I would say, intimate conversation with you today, because there has been a lot going on in our country.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: If you live here in the US, if you're outside of the US, I'm sure you probably have seen a lot of what has been happening on your news sites and whatnot.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: So we recently completed another election cycle and, to many of our surprise, especially if you are a Black woman there was an outcome that you more than likely felt, I won't even say uncomfortable with, but you dreaded.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: And what I noticed online is that, as I would scroll from site to site, I just saw the fear and the anxiety and the anger and the frustration and just all these emotions pile on, one after one after one as I move through the content, and I think that speaks to the fact that in our modern world we tend to use social media as an outlet.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: It's a way for people to be able to voice their deepest feelings and concerns.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Sometimes people do this in a way where they are more anonymous and we see them as trolls on different sites, but in all honesty, it does speak to some reality that's there and a lot of the feelings and emotions that exist.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: And actually I do think that that is one of the reasons why we see the outcome of the election as we do today, because, depending upon what circle you're in, the type of information that you're consuming, it's going to dictate how you view many of the outcomes that we recently saw.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Now I don't want to keep talking in circles, so I want to be just very blunt and say that for those who were troubled by the outcome, who are fearful about what lies ahead, who are frustrated and angry about what has happened and feel a determination to keep fighting and pushing forward, no matter what, then this conversation is for you.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: And it's for you because when I was thinking and processing all these feelings for myself and I will say that I have been moving through the stages of grief we're going to talk about the stages of grief as we move forward but when I was thinking about the various stages of grief and I could step outside of myself and see myself going through each stage, I think that the one thing I've landed upon very recently is how I can begin to turn what is somewhat of a very confusing and disappointing time to one where I'm able to transform the grief that I'm experiencing, and that many of us are experiencing, into meaning and purpose.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Because when you think about your responsibility as a coach and definitely this is a responsibility of a therapist if you are seeing a therapist or if you've ever seen a therapist, I'm not a therapist.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Or if you've ever seen a therapist, I'm not a therapist, I am a coach, meaning that I'm looking at it on a higher level.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: I can't get into the intricacies of all that we're going to be discussing, but when you consider the impact of a collective trauma of which this experience is more of a collective trauma then we are often forced to navigate a process of grief, especially when that trauma has occurred and it's caused us to seemingly lose something that was very important.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: And your responsibility as a coach is to help others find meaning and purpose in their loss.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: And I thought about this because if you're a coach, if you're a therapist or whatnot, you do a lot of work on yourself to coach yourself through different thought processes and issues and circumstances that you find yourself in, the same as you would do for your clients.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: And as I begin to do this work even in the short timeframe, because after a while you kind of get used to running through these practices very swiftly the one thing that I landed upon is how can I turn this moment, this feeling moment, this feeling, this grief that I'm experiencing, into greater meaning and purpose?
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: And it was a no brainer for me, because really a lot of what my business is built on, what I teach, what I have shared for years now centers around the fact that, as women, as black women especially and I've often said women of color but I do think that there's some caveats to that, that there is one reality that's true, and that reality is that you live a different experience and existence in this country.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: That is beyond obvious when you look at the exit polls from our recent election, when you look at how skewed the view is for Black women.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: That signals that there is something that is significantly different from what others experience.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: And it is because of this significant difference and what has caused that significant difference that you can't look at your business journey the same way as others do, when we are taught to focus on following the steps and the patterns and the tactics that many of these other people typically cisgender, white males have followed in our industry, we are going to come up short.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: I have been saying this from the beginning of time, and what I thought in this moment is that you know what, angelina?
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: You need to say this louder, you need to communicate this message louder.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: And not only do you need to communicate it, because it's not about just identifying what the difficulty or the challenge or the problem is, but it's about finding solutions.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: It's not about us sitting here and thinking about why this trauma has occurred, how we are stuck in this pattern of grief and loss, but it's rather, how can we take this moment and build resilience around it and turn this experience into a triumph.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: And that's what I am focused on moving forward in a much greater way than I have in the past.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: So if you follow this podcast in the past and you felt as if the information was not speaking as intimately as you'd hope, it's going to get a shift now, and one of the reasons why I want to do this is because I recognize the importance of us being able to navigate these experiences in a healthy way and being able to take what is becoming all too common for many of us as an experience, this trauma that we've experienced over and over and over and over again collectively, to take that and actually make sure that we create an environment where we can thrive, because one thing is evident at this point is that we need to be able to support one another in order to move forward, and this is for anyone that resonates with this message.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: The one thing that I want the upcoming episodes to do and I'm dedicating a series to this.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know how many episodes it will be, but I do know that for a while, I want to focus on this aspect of trauma, grief and resilience, because we are going to have to be resilient in order to achieve the successes that we need to build the wealth that will allow us to have greater options and opportunity.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: The one thing I walked away from this whole experience thinking, the one thing that we are seeing more clearly than ever is how deeply money and power shape safety, opportunity and well-being.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: We're seeing that right before our eyes, and so when we see that it's shaping a future that does not resonate with us, or maybe our experience or what we desire to have in the world, then we have to do something about it, and one way of being able to attack that is to build more wealth in our communities, to build more wealth for our families, to give ourselves more options so that we can be prepared to make any type of change that we want to make and not be reliant on what is occurring in the economic climate.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: But we have to do that now.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: It takes time, so your business has to survive.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Your business has to not just survive, excuse me.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Your business has to thrive, and that is my focus is to help your business thrive.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: So what does this mean?
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: I think one of the first things that I want to address in this particular episode and, like I said, this will stretch over a few episodes, so don't worry, I won't make this super, super long but I think that one thing that we have to talk about in general is just what it means to experience a collective trauma.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Oftentimes, when we think about collective trauma, we're thinking about instances in our history where we have experienced something that has been maybe on the scale of a global epidemic, where there's something that has occurred in society that is extremely horrific, that has caused a loss of life, and therefore you're in crisis in that moment.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Those are indeed collective traumas, but as a people, as women of color, but, most importantly, as Black women, we have experienced a collective trauma from many of the systematic processes in our society, meaning that the system itself has created a number of instances over time that are traumatic events that we experience collectively and, in all honesty, this most recent election cycle has been one of them, and it's not the first time.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: This has been an ongoing cycle, ongoing thing, and the topic may change right Depending upon what the trauma is, but it all still centers around the fact that there is a question as to our capability, our strength, our intelligence and whether or not we deserve to have the opportunities that others have.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: This trauma causes us at times to become stuck in a place where we are not playing as big as we should, we are not dreaming as big and bold as we should.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: We are not dreaming as big and bold as we should.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: We are not feeling as powerful as we actually are in terms of moving forward.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: So until we're able to truly address this trauma collectively, it's going to be a problem.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: You know, when you look at the definition itself, collective trauma really just refers to psychological reactions to a traumatic event that affect an entire society.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Although this is not affecting an entire society, this is affecting an entire group.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I can do this, since I am not an expert in this area, but I would still say that this is a collective trauma that we're experiencing.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: It is going to be something that we experience together but then have memory of in a very individualistic way.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: We're going to see this time differently based upon our lived experiences, but overall, we have the same wounds right, and the wounds are what we have to address in order to move forward.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: When we think about how we got here, it didn't start with just something that occurred in our lifetime.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: A lot of this trauma has been passed down.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: It's been something that our ancestors experienced and this is a dynamic that has been present for many, many years.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: And I you know, I was talking very recently to a colleague and we were having a discussion around grief and trauma and things like that.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: The one thing I was stating is that, when you actually think about the trauma that we have often experienced that surrounds our worth as a person, or our confidence as women, especially Black women A lot of it has been dependent upon what has occurred throughout history, it's the reinforcement of certain narratives that caused the problem, and it's the acceptance that, although many of us may have hoped that this would not be something we would live for a lifetime, that it possibly is, and so it shifts our mind from the belief that one day that this will not exist to the acceptance that this is where we are right and, instead of solely just thinking about how our future can be different, focus on the power that we have in the moment to actually change what the future will look like.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: So moving from hope to change.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: So moving from hope to change, and that's a the opportunity to do so.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: There are a lot of feelings that wrap into one's existence and the existence of this problem, so I was thinking how do we approach it?
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: And my take on situations like this is that, instead of recreating the wheel, just go back and look at history.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: History is such a great way to problem solve, because a lot of what we do as consultants in general, when you think about it, is finding patterns.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Right, we're looking at patterns over time, being able to assess those patterns and determine what steps to take next.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: We need to do the same thing right now.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: There are a number of answers that are out there in ways that we can move forward and take these steps.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: If we just look back at whether you're thinking about something like the Holocaust, which is considered to be a collective trauma of the 20th century, this is something that we have to think about what people were able to do in those moments to survive, and then also how that trauma is very unique and created various blessings that were learned that begin to transform society as you move forward.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: One of the reasons why various collective traumas are so powerful in bringing people together around a certain belief or thought or culturally derived teachings is that many times, the trauma fosters the collectiveness itself.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: It fosters the sense and need to be around others that identify with their concerns, identify with their beliefs, identify with their beliefs, identify with their values, and this sense of support, or desire for support, rather, is something that increases the cohesiveness of the group, which is why, when you look at some of the results, especially from this most recent election, you look at people voted in a block.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: That block was so significant because of the repeated traumas that have existed and the passing down of various teachings, traditions, about the threat that it definitely presents.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: We've seen this play out over and over and over again in some shape, form or fashion throughout history.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Now, as we think about moving forward, we have to begin to analyze what worked in those past scenarios and then how we break free and move forward from this point with those teachings and using those to our advantage so that we know how to navigate this new challenge that we're facing.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: So I know you're thinking listen, this is a consulting podcast.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Why in the world are we getting into all this?
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: We're getting into this is because you have to be able to be your most resilient self in order to show up and be the most effective consultant in your marketplace and to be able to build a business that thrives and build the wealth that you need so that you have choice and freedom.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: That's why we're talking about this Now.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: In order for us to get to that point, we have to work through stages of grief, right, because trauma leads to a grief response.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: We are going to feel as if something is lost, and that is so natural.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Feel as if something is lost, and that is so natural.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, this is something that we are going to experience naturally, because there is a sense of mourning about what no longer exists.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: There is a sense of sadness because we perceive a danger now exists that we can't change, and so you know we are going to feel this grief and that grief is natural.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: It is normal and I think the better we understand what grief is in terms of, like, how we process grief and how we move through the stages, the easier it's going to be for us to navigate that space.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: But then also we need to get through it grief, and how we move through the stages, the easier it's going to be for us to navigate that space.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: But then also we need to get through it so we can get to the point where we can take greater action.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: So my goal in introducing all of this and having this conversation and thinking about the conversations I want to have in the future, is to help us get through this period of grief to the other side so we can begin to take more action and more focus and effective action in the climate that we find ourselves in today.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: So now there are five stages of grief.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: And let me tell you I am one that when, with the recent events, denial was the first thing that I had.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: You know, as you begin to see things unfold, you're like nope, this is not happening.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Nope, nope, nope, this is not happening.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: That denial is, first and foremost, the feeling that you often get.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: You want to be able to tell yourself that this has not happened, that somehow what you are experiencing is not real, that it has not happened, that somehow what you are experiencing is not real, that it is not true, that there's some other reason for these things happening.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: And there are a lot of analogies I can pull from politics especially.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: I don't want to lean too heavily on this, but when we think about how results come in, I think there is a trend that you see and there are different definitions that people may have for things such as like the red mirage, et cetera, that we see coming in and we think, you know what?
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: This is just not, this is not true.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: This is just going to happen initially and it's going to disappear.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: And I mean this is a true phenomenon, but not in the way that it showed itself in our most recent cycle.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: We were in, if you felt this way, we were in denial, and that denial can be strong.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: It keeps you, it makes you stop, really for a period of time, because you're just like I can't believe this is happening.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: That's more of a coping mechanism.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Your mind is trying to protect yourself from all the emotions that are about to ensue because it's telling you that things are okay.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: It's okay, it's okay, things are what they were, they're what you desired, they are positive, and so that period of denial sits in.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: But the reality is that even if we deny it, it doesn't change what has actually occurred.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: So therefore, we are forced to then move into the next stage, which is anger.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Now anger, for some people can be short lived, and then for others it can take hold and it can not let go unless you pry loose right.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: It is an emotional and physical symptom of the grief.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Is the grief physically manifested?
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: I want you to think about it like that.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: So there is this sense that an unfairness has occurred and because of this unfairness, it evokes emotion, intense emotions, and we find ourselves in that anger period.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: And if you're there right now, for whatever reason, sit there, allow it to be fully experienced, not so that you take action in that moment, but that you are able to recognize that it exists, that you are able to move yourself through this phase by not bottling it up and keeping that closed off, and then one day down the road it just pops out.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: No, we don't want to do that.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: We want to process grief in a healthy way.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: So moving through this anger is part of allowing the physical manifestation of the grief that you're experiencing to occur.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: And then, after that, the period of bargaining.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: That's where, in this period, you likely spend a lot of time trying to figure out how this happened and how you can change it.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: It's more so about you trying to reverse what has occurred.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: If we experience the loss or the death of a loved one, there's a lot of bargaining we may do with God.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: We may pray and wish that things had not occurred the way that they occurred, and we may pray for God to bring them back.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: And so the difference here in bargaining and with something like negotiation because these are different experiences and different processes With bargaining, what you're actually doing is that you're trying to change a situation that has already been made permanent, meaning that the situation can't change.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: The circumstances will not change.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Unlike with negotiation, the circumstances can change In this process of grief, we're trying to negotiate with God, we're trying to negotiate with the system.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: We're trying to create a change, despite the fact that there is no opportunity for the outcome that we desire.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: That's where negotiation is different from bargaining, so it's not negotiation.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: In our mind, we're telling ourselves we're negotiating, we're trying to work this out, we're going to make it right, and I like to stress this part because I feel like, as women in general, we tend to sit in this phase a lot longer than others, because, by nature, we are always trying to solve problems.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: We're trying to provide this nurturing.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: That's just part of our feminine power, feminine energy, and because of that, we spend a lot of time in this bargaining trying to figure out what we could have done differently and how things can change in order to be a better situation, and so it takes us a bit of time, many times, to move through the bargaining phase.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: But once we do and this is what our mind has feared as we, as it's been fighting this grief process is that we get to the point of depression, and at this point, there's immense sadness about what has occurred, whether that's the loss of a loved one in this case, the loss of an election, or in the loss of a job.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Whatever it may be, it's a loss.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: It's something that has changed that you cannot rectify.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: It's a negative outcome that you cannot rectify.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: It's a negative outcome that you cannot rectify.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: You become acutely aware of how permanent this is.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: You realize that you know what.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: This isn't changing.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: This is a new reality and that's hard to accept.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: It's really hard to accept when you had hopes for something different.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: And so when you're in this depression, in this depressive phase of grief, it keeps you from taking action.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: You don't feel like doing anything.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: You want to throw your hands up and be done with it.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: You want to sleep all day.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: You don't have the energy to fight anymore.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: You don't want to have to battle.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: You don't want to have to do more work that you feel maybe futile.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: So for us, when it comes to running a business and trying to grow and build a consulting business, this takes you off task, and the longer you remain in this period of depression as you move through grief, the longer it's going to take for you to be able to build a business that will actually be used as an asset to create a life that is better for you, an asset to create a life that is better for you.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: So, although we have to process grief effectively, we have to move through this phase.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: We want to make this phase as short as possible, as short-lived as possible.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: So if you find yourself needing to talk to somebody, please do.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: Please talk to somebody.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: If you find that tuning into a podcast episode like this helps you navigate through and feel as if you are supported and you're not alone, please tune in.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: That's one of the reasons why I'm doing this.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: I want to have this community serve its purpose and for me, the purpose is to help you be more resilient and more successful.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: So I know, in order for us to get there myself included we got to move through this grief process effectively.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: We need to move through it swiftly, and I want you to sit with the feelings that you have, but then be able to proactively move and navigate through them so that you get to that final stage.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: And that final stage is acceptance.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: And acceptance is not the fact that you're accepting that this is how it will always be, or that you are limited and that things won't change and that you're doomed.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: No, that is not what I mean by acceptance.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Acceptance is when the experience of grief begins to dissipate.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: It's not that this grief ever goes away completely, because there are certain things about our society especially that we continue to grieve, because we know that these are continual issues Bigotry, racism, sexism, ageism, misogyny all these things are continued issues in our society, so we grieve those things on an ongoing basis.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: They will cycle through.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: However, when we get to this point of acceptance, this is where we are able to turn this traumatic event and everything that came along with it into a lesson and we learn how to begin to move forward.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: And this is where I want us to be, because once we can get to this point of acceptance, then we can get a game plan and a pathway that is going to lead us to the future that we desire and deserve.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: And, as a brilliant, intelligent, ambitious Black woman and woman in general, you deserve more.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: You deserve more and, I be darned, we're going to get it All right.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: Guys, like I said, this conversation is going to continue.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: If you're interested, please subscribe and follow along.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: If you know somebody else that would be interested in also hearing these episodes and more, then share it with a friend and I'll talk to you soon.