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The Diary of Izumi Shikibu Part 2 · Diaries of Court Ladies of Old Japan

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Section eight of Diaries of Court Ladies of Old Japan. This is a LibriVox
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recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or
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to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Read by Sarafina Diaries of Court
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Ladies of Old Japan Bye Sarashina, Murasaki, Shikibu, et All. Translated
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by Annie Shepli Omori and Kochi Doi. The Diary of Izumi Shikibu, Part
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two. It was the tenth month, and more than ten days had passed
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before the Prince came to her. The inner room is too dark and makes
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me restless. Let me sit here near the verandah, he said, men
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heart touching and tender words. She could not help being pleased. The moon
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was hidden and rain came pattering down. The scene was in harmony with their
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feeling. Her heart was disturbed with mingled emotions. The Prince perceived her feeling
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and thought, why is she so slendered by others? She is always here
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alone sorrowing. Thus he pitied her and startled the lady a little, whose
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head was bowed in distress on her hand by reciting a poem it is not
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dripping rain nor morning dew. Yet here, lying strangely wet are the sleeves
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of the arm pillow. She was overwhelmed by feeling and could not speak,
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but he saw her tears glistening in the moonlight. He was touched and said,
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why do you not speak? Have my idle words displeased you? She
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replied, I do not know why, but I feel that my heart is
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anguished. Though your words are in my ears. You will see, she
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went on lightly, I shall never forget your poem on the sleeves of the
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arm pillow. Thus the pitiful sad night was past, and the prince saw
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that she had no other lover. He was sorry to go away from her
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in the early dawn, and immediately sent a message, how are you to
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day? Are the tears dry this morning? Her answer, in the morning,
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they were dry, for only in a dream were the sleeves of the
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arm pillow wet. He read it and smiled at the word arm pillow,
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which she had said she would never forget his poem. You say it was
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only in a dream that the sleeves were wet with tears. Yet I cannot
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dry them the sleeves of the arm pillow. I have never experienced so sorrow
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sweet an autumnal night. Was it the influence of the time. After that,
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he could not live without seeing her, and visited her oftener. As
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he saw her more intimately, he saw that she was not a faithless woman.
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Her helpless situation touched his heart more and more, and he became deeply
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sympathetic with her. Once he said to her, even though you live on
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thus in solitude, I shall never forget you, But it would be better
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to come to my palace. All these slanderous rumors are due to your living
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alone. I, for my part, never met any men here. Is
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it because I come from time to time, Yet others tell me very improper
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things about you, which should not be heard. It made me unspeakably sad
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to turn away from your shut gate, remembering that you are living in loneliness.
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I sometimes have made a decision, yet, being old fashioned in my
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ways, I hesitated to tell you of it because I anticipated the profound sadness
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with which you would hear these rumors. Nevertheless, I cannot continue our relations
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in this way. I fear that the rumor might become true. Then I
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should not be allowed to come, and you would become for me like the
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moon in the heavenly way. If you really feel the loneliness you speak of,
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please come to me. There are many persons living there in his palace,
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yet you will have no feeling of constraint. As I have been unhappy
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in my domestic relations. I do not linger in that desolate region the house
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of his princess, but am always alone performing religious services. I hope that
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my loneliness may be lessened by talking with you, whose mind is in sympathy
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with mine. Her feeling was opposed to such a thing. She had never
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told him about the late Prince. Yet there was no mountain retreat to which
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she could fly from world troubles, and her present condition seemed like a never
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ending night. There had been many men who had wanted her, hence many
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strange reports were flying about. She could have confidence in no one but the
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Prince, so she was much tempted. She thought he has a wife,
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yet she lives in a detached house. The nurse does all for him.
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If I show my affection and take pride in it, I shall be much
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blamed. My wish is that he should hide me from the world, though
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to be visited by you is a rare occurrence. Such a time soothes my
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heart. There is nothing else, so let anything happen. I will yield
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to your every wish. Elsewhere they are saying ugly things about us. If
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they see the fact accomplished, how much harder their words will be. Those
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harsh words will be said about me, not you. At any rate,
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I will find you a completely retired house where we can talk tranquility. He
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gave her much hope and went away in the depths of night. The barred
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door, outer strong gait of lattice work had been left open for that purpose.
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She thought, within herself, being much troubled, if I continue to
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live alone, I can keep myself respected. If I were forsaken by him
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in his palace, I should be laughed at. After she retired, this
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poem came. I went along the path when night was opening. Sodden?
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Were they the sleeves of the arm pillow that idle fancy of the sleeves he
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has not forgotten? This pleased her. Her poem, Your sleeves are wet
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with the dews on the grass of the morning path. The sleeves of my
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arm pillow are wet, but not with dew. The next night. The
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moon was very bright here and there people were gazing at it. The next
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morning, the Prince wanted to send her a poem, and was waiting for
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the page to take it. The lady, too, had noticed the whiteness
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of the hoar frost, and sent this poem. There was frost on the
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sleeves of the arm pillow, and in the morning lo a frost white world.
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The Prince was sorry the lady had got ahead of him. He said
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to himself, the night was past yearning after the beloved and frost. Just
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then the page presented himself, and His Highness said, with some temper,
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handing his letter to the page, her messenger has already come. I am
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beaten. I wish she had come earlier. The page ran to her and
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said, I had been summoned before your messenger got there. I was late,
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and he is angry. The lady read the letter. The moon last
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night was very bright in a frosty morning. I await with hope unwarranted one
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who cannot be expected. His letter seemed not to have been suggested by hers,
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and she was pleased that His Highness had been in the same mood with
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herself. Her poem I did not sleep, gazing at the moon all night,
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but the dawning of the day was in whiteness of poor frost. You
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are angry with the page. He is very sorry, and it awakes my
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pity. The morning sun shines on the frost, so like the sun your
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face. Two or three days passed without a word from him. Her heart
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was in his promise, which gave her hope, but she could not sleep
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for anxiety. While lying awake in bed, she heard a knocking at the
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gate. It was just dawn. What can it be, she wondered,
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and sent a servant to inquire. It was the Prince's letter. It was
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an unusual hour for it, and she wondered sorrowfully whether the Prince had conconscious
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of her emotion. She opened her shutter and read this letter in the moonlight.
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Do you see that the little night opens, and on the ridge of
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the mountain, serenely bright shines the moon of a night of autumn. The
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bridge across the garden pond was clearly seen in the moonlight. The door was
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shut, and she thought of the messenger outside the gate, and hastened her
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answer. The night opens, and I cannot sleep yet I am dreaming dreams
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and loving them. The moon I do not see. The prince thought the
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answer not invented, and that it would be amusing to have her near him
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to respond to his every fancy. After two days he came quietly in a
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palanquin for women. It was the first time she had shown herself to him
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in full daylight. But it would be unfriendly to creep away and hide,
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so she went to welcome him, creeping a little nearer to the entrance.
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He excused himself for the absence of those days, and said, make up
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your mind quickly as to the thing I spoke of the other day. I
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am always uneasy in these wanderings, yet more uneasy when I cannot see you.
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Oh, troublesome are the ways of this absurd world, she replied.
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I wish to yield to your mind, whatever it may be. Yet my
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thoughts are troubled when I anticipate my fate and see myself neglected by you.
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Afterwards, he said, try it. I can come very seldom, and
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he went away. On the hedge. There was a beautiful Mayumi and the
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Prince leaning against the balustrade. Our words are like these leaves, ever colored
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deeper and deeper, and she took it up, completing the thirty one syllable
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poem he had begun. Although it is only the pearl dew that deepens them.
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The Prince was pleased and thought her not without taste. He seemed very
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elegant. He was attired as usual, his under dress exquisite. Her eye
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was much charmed, and she thought that she was too frivllis to be thinking
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about it. Next day he wrote, yesterday I was sorry that you were
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embarrassed. Yet the more attracted by it, she answered, The goddess of
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Mount Katuragi would have felt so too. There is no bridge across the way
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of Kumeh. I did not know what to do. The messenger came back
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with his poem, Were my devotion to be rewarded? How could I stop?
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Though bridge were none at Katuagi's son. After that he came oftener,
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and her tiresome days were lightened. But her old friends also sent letters and
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visited her too, So she wanted to go to the Prince's palace at once,
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lest some unlucky thing should occur. Yet her heart was anxious and hesitating.
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One day he sent word maple trees of the mountain are very beautiful.
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Come let us go together to see them. She answered, I shall be
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glad to do it. But the appointed day came, and His Highness wrote,
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to day, I must confine myself for a religious service. But that
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night it stormed and the leaves were all gone from the trees. She waked
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and wrote to the Prince how sorry she was that they could not have gone
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the previous day. His answer, in the godless month it stormed to day,
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I dream and dream and wonder if the storm was within my heart?
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She returned, Was it a rain storm? How my sleeves are wet?
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I cannot tell, but muse profoundly. After the night storm there are no
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more mates. Oh that we could have gone to the mountain yesterday. His
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Highness returned, Oh that we might have gone to see the maple leaves.
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For this morning it is useless to think of it. And on the margin
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there was a poem, though I believe no maple leaves are hanging on the
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boughs. Yet we may go to sea if scattering ones remain. And she
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answered, were the mountains of evergreens to change into red leaves, then we
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would go to see them with tranquil tranquil hearts. My poem will make you
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laugh. The night came and the Prince visited her. As her dwelling was
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in an unlucky direction, he came to take her out of it. For
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these forty five days, I shall stop at my cousin's, the Lieutenant General
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of the third rank, on account of the unlucky direction of my own house.
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It is rather embarrassing to take you to that unfamiliar place, Yet he
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dared to take her there. The palanquin was drawn into its shelter small house
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built for it. The Prince got out and walked away alone, and she
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felt very lonesome. When all were asleep, he came to take her in
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and talked about various things. The guards, who were curious about it,
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were walking to and fro ukon Noozo, and the page waited near the prince.
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His feeling for her was so intense at this moment that all the past
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seemed dull. When day dawned, he took her back to her own home
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and hurriedly returned himself to get back before people woke up. She could no
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longer disregard the earnest and condescending wish of his Highness, and she could no
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more treat him with indifference. She made up her mind to go to live
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with him. She received kind advice against it, but did not listen.
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As she had been unhappy. She wanted to yield herself to good fortune.
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Yet when she thought of the court servitude, she hesitated and said to herself,
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it is not my inmost wish, I yearned for a retired religious life,
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far away from worldly troubles. What shall I do when I am forsaken
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by the Prince people will laugh at my credulity? Or shall I live on
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as I am? Then I can associate with my parents and brothers. Moreover,
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I can look after my child, who seems now like an encumbrance.
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Nevertheless, at last she wanted to go, and she did not write her
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heart to the Prince, for she thought he would know everything about her if
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they should live together. Her old friends sent letters, yet she did not
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answer them, saying to herself, there is nothing to write a letter from
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the Prince. In it was written, I was a fool to believe in
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you. His words were few. There was an old poem, you are
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faithless. Yet I will not complain. As the silent sea deep is the
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hate in my heart? Her heart was broken. There were many extraordinary rumors
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about her, Yet there were days when she believed that no harm could come
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of a false rumor. Some one must have slandered her, suspecting that she
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was yielding to the earnest desires of the Prince and going to live at the
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palace. She was sad, but could not write to him. She was
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ashamed to think of what the Prince might have heard. The Prince, seeing
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that she did not explain herself, wrote to her again, why do you
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not answer now? I believe in the rumor, how swiftly your heart changes.
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I heard something I did not believe, and wrote to you that you
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might wipe away such unpleasant thoughts from my mind. These words opened iye lightened
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her bosom a little. She wanted to know what he had heard, and
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suddenly the wish to see him came to her. Oh, could you come
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to me this instant? I hunger to see thee, but cannot go because
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I am buried in slander. The Prince wrote back, you are too afraid
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of slanders, and I read your mind in this caution. I am angry
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about it. She thought he was teasing her. Yet it saddened her,
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and she replied, I cannot help it. Please come in any case,
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he returned, I say to myself, I will not suspect. I will
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not resent, but my heart does not follow my will. Her answer,
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your enmity will never cease. I rely upon you, Yet I suspect your
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faithfulness. In the evening, the Prince came. He said, I wrote
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to you, not believing the story. If you wish not to have such
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things said of you, come, She replied, then take me there.
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But when it was dawn, his Highness returned alone. He wrote to her
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continually, yet he seldom visited her. Once there was a great storm,
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the Prince did not inquire for her. She thought his Highness did not sympathize
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with her solitude, so she wrote to him in the evening, the season
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of the withering frost is sad, the autumnal wind rages, and the sighing
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of the reed never stops. The Prince's answer was the solitary reed, which
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none but me remembers how it is sighing in the raging wind. I am
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even ashamed to confess how much my mind is completely occupied with you. She
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was pleased. Indeed, the prince sent his palanquin saying that he was going
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to the hidden rendezvous to avoid the unlucky direction of his house. The lady
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went thither, thinking she would follow every wish of his. They talked tranquility
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for many days and nights, and her unrest was chased away. She was
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now not unwilling to live with him. But when the time for avoiding the
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unlucky direction was over, she was sent back to her home. There she
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thought of him more longingly than ever, and sent poem in this hour of
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longing reflection, brings to mind each day gone by, and in each one
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was less of sorrow. He replied, sorrows of love were less each yesterday.
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But how can those vanished days be caught again? There is no other
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way but to resolve to come to me. She was still cautious and could
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not take things so easily. She passed many days in musing. By this
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time, the colored leaves of autumn had all fallen, the sky was clear
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and bright. One evening, as the sun was setting, she felt very
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lonely and wrote to him, you aren't always my consolation. Yet with the
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end of day sadness comes. He replied, all are sad when the day
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ends. Yet are you sadder than any you who wait and can sympathize with
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you? And I am coming. The next morning, the frost was very
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white. He sent to inquire for her, asking how are you feeling now?
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She sent a poem not in repose. Was the night passed, but
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the frosty morning brought its own charm incomparable. His answer contained many touching words
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and a poem to think alone is not life? If you were thinking the
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same thoughts, she answered, you are you, and I am I.
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Yet between your heart and mine is no separation. Make no such distinctions.
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The lady caught cold, though not serious, she suffered. The Prince often
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inquired for her, and at last she answered, saying a little better.
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The thread of life thinned down, and it seemed to be going to break.
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But now it is dear to me because of you? Is it because
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I am deep in sin? He wrote back, gladly do I hear it?
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The thread of your life cannot easily be broken, for it is tied
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together with pledges of long, enduring affection. The end of the year was
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at hand. The first day of the frost month seemed like a day of
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early spring. But the next morning it snowed. The prince sent a poem.
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Since the god age it has snowed, it is a known thing.
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Yet that snow seems very fresh this morning, she returned in answer, first
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snow, I see it young every winter, Yet my face grows old as
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winter comes. Days were passed in exchanging these nothings again his letter. I
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become impatient to see you, and just now wanted to go to you.
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But my friends have met here to compose poems together, she wrote, had
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you no time to come, then I would go to you. Oh that
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I knew an even way of love, or oh that I knew the art
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of composing poems. He was pleased, come to my house. Here is
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the even way, and here is the way to see each other. That
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night he visited her and talked touchingly of many things. Would you be sad,
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he said, if I should desert my house and become a monk.
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He spoke sadly, and she wondered why such a thought had entered his mind,
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and whether it could be true or not. Overcome with melancholy, she
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wept outside was tranquil, rain and snow. They slept not at all,
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but talked together with feeling throughout the night, as if the world were all
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forgotten. She felt that his affection was deeper than she had suspected. He
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seemed to feel everything in her and could sympathize with her every emotion. In
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that case, she could accomplish her determination from the beginning to go to become
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a nun. So she made up her mind, but said nothing and sat
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lamenting. He saw her feeling and said, lover's fancy of a moment held
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us both through the night, and she continued. Tears came to their eyes,
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and without was the rain. In the morning, he talked of merrier
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things than usual and went back. Though she had no faith in it,
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I e. The convent, yet she had been thinking of it to comfort
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her solitude. Now her mind was confused, trying to think how to realize
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it, and she told her perplexed feeling to the Prince on waking, I
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cannot think I wish that those were only dreams of which we talked last night.
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And on the margin, she wrote, we made our vows so earnestly,
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Yet must these vows yield to the common fate of the changing world?
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I am sorry to think of it. The prince read it and made answer.
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I wanted to write to you first. I will not think it real.
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Those sad things were only dreams dreamt in the night of dreams. I
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wish that you would think so too. You dwell too much upon nothing.
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Only life is fait. We know not how it will end, but promises
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shall endure as long as the pine tree and Suminoye, Oh, my beloved,
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I spoke to you of what I did not heartily wish. You are
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too literal. I am sorry for that. Yet the lady's thought lingered over
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that sad intention, and she lamented much once she was making haste to set
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out when she received the prince's letter. Oh, I longed for it,
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though I had just seen it. Ayam to Nadishiko growing in the hedge of
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a mountain dwelling. It was painful to her present mind. Yet she replied,
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if you love, come and see even the thousand swift Gods will not
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forbid those who follow in the way. He smiled over the poem as he
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was reading sutras those days. He said the following poem, the way of
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meeting is not God forbidden, But I am on the seat of the law
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and cannot leave it. Her answer, then, will I go thither to
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seek you? Only do you enlarge the seat? Once? It snowed heavily,
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and he sent her a poem affixed to a branch covered with snow.
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Snow falls, and on all the branches plum flowers are in bloom, though
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it is not yet spring. This was unexpected, and she wrote back,
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thinking that plum flowers were in bloom. I broke the branch, and snow
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scattered like the flowers. The next morning early he sent a poem, These
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winter nights, lovers keep vigil lying on one's lonely bed. Day dawns and
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the eyelids have not met. Her answer, can it be true? On
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winter nights eyes are shut in, eyes frozen tears, and midnight hours are
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desolate. I wait for dawn, although no joy is in it. What
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the prince had been thinking of? He wrote in heart dwindling words, saying,
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I think I cannot live out my life in this world. So she
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wrote back, for me, it is fitting to speak of these things,
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for they recall the romance of past days. His poem, I would not
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exist even for a moment in a world where sorrows follow one another like the
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joints in the bamboo stock. He had been troubling himself to find out a
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fit place to conceal her, But he reflected, she is not used to
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such a life and would be embarrassed by it. For my part, I
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should be much rebuked. It is simpler to go myself and bring her as
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my maid. So on the eighteenth of the finishing month, on a moon
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bright night, he visited her. He said, in the ordinary way,
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now, please come, and she thought it for a night only when she
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got into the palanquin alone. Take an attendant with you, if you are
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willing, we will talk together tranquility tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. He
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had not spoken in this way before, and she, guessing his intention,
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took her maid with her. She was not carried to the same house as
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before. The room was beautifully adorned, and he said, live here privately.
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You may have several attendants. Now she was sure she had understood him,
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and she thought it fortunate to come thus secretly. People would be astonished,
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wish to find she had come here to live before they were aware.
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When day dawned, she sent her servant to fetch her case of combs and
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other things. The Prince left the room, but the shutters were still closed.
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It was not frightful, but uncomfortable. I wish, said the prince,
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to arrange that you shall live in the north building. This room is
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near the audience room and has no charm in it. Ai e some one
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might discover her. So she shut herself up and listened in secret. In
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the daytime, courtiers of the ex emperor his father came to see him.
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He said, how is it with you here? Can you stay? I
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feared that you would find it disagreeable by my side, and she answered,
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I feared just the same thing, and said, to tell the truth,
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take care of yourself while I am away. Some impertinent fellows may come to
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catch a glimpse of you. In a few days, I will have you
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live openly in the room where now is my housekeeper nurse. The room where
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I passed the day has no visitors. After two or three days she was
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removed to the north side building. People were astonished and ran and told the
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princess, who said, even without this event, I have not been treated
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as I ought to have been. She is of no high birth. It
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is too much. She was angry because he had told her nothing. His
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secrecy displeased her very much, and she was more inconsolable than ever. The
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prince felt sorry for her and tried to be with her oftener. She said
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to him, I am ill with hearing rumors and have come to hate seeing
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people. Why have you not told me this before? I would not have
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interfered. I cannot bear to be treated like a woman of no importance.
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I am ashamed to think that people are laughing at me, She said it,
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weeping and weeping. He answered, I brought her for my maid,
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and I thought that you would allow it, as you are angry with me.
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The lieutenant general, her brother hates me. Also. I brought her
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to dress my hair, and she shall serve you also. The princess was
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not softened by these words, but she was silenced. Thus days passed,
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and the lady became used to the court life. She dressed his hair and
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served in everything. As he did not allow her to retire to her private
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room, the visits of the princess became more and more rare. The princess
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lamented it infinitely. The year turned back, and on the first day of
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the social month, all the courtiers came to perform the ceremony of congratulation before
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the Emperor. The Prince was among them. He was younger and fairer than
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any, and even this made her ashamed of herself. From the princess's house,
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her ladies went out to see the procession. Yet they did not care
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so much to see the courtiers as to look at her. They were in
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great disorder looking about. It was an ugly sight. After dark, when
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the ceremony was over, his Highness came back, and all the court nobles
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came with him to amuse themselves. It was very gay, and a contrast
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to the solitary life of her old home. One day, the Prince heard
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that even the lowest servants were speaking evil of her. He thought it was
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due to the behavior of his wife, and, being displeased, seldom went
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to the royal dwelling. She was sorry for the princess, yet she did
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not know what to do. She remained there, thinking that she would do
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as she was bid. The princess's elder sister was married to the crown Prince
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and just then was living with her parents. She wrote to the younger princess,
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how are you? I have heard something of what people are saying these
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days, is it true even I feel disgraced come to us during the night.
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The princess could not console herself when she thought how much people who make
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talk about nothing were gossiping. She wrote back to her sister, I have
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received your letter. I had been unhappy in the world married life, and
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now am in a painful situation. For a time. I will go back
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and beholding the young princess will comfort me. Please send some one to summon
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me. I cannot go away when I desire, for he will not permit
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it. She began to put her affairs in order, taking away those things
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which must not be seen by others. She said, I am going there
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for a while, for if I stay here, my husband will feel uncomfortable
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to come to me. It is painful for us both. And they said,
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people are talking and laughing about it. A good deal. He went
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out himself to get her. She is dazzling to the eye. She lives
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in the court lady's room over there. She goes to the prince's hall three
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or four times a day. It is quite right that you should punish him.
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Going away with few words, all hated the lady, and he was
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sorry for her His Highness suspected what his wife was going to do, and
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he found his conjecture realized when the sons of his brother in law came to
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fetch her. A lady in waiting said to the housekeeper, the princess has
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taken important things with her. She is going away. The housekeeper was in
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great anxiety and said to the Prince, the princess is going away. What
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will the Crown Prince think of it? Go to comfort her? It was
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painful to her, the lady, to see these things going on. She
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was very sorry and pained. Yet, as it was an unfit time to
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say anything, she kept silence. She wanted to get away from this disagreeable
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place, but thought that also not good. She thought she could never get
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rid of her trouble if she stayed. His Highness went towards the princess,
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whom him as if nothing had happened. Is it true? He said that
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you are going to your elder sister. Why have you not asked me for
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the palanquin? She answered, something has happened. There is something which demands
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me, and they have sent messengers for me. She said nothing more.
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The Princess's words, her letters, and those of her sister, were written
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roughly from supposition the end end of section eight and of Diaries of court Ladies
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of Old Japan by Sarashina Murasaki Shikibu at All, translated by Annie shepley Omoi and Kochiitoi