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309. The Truth About Pressure: 7 Human Patterns It Always Reveals · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Kathie (2): Have you ever noticed that some people become controlling when life gets hard?
• 0:04
  Kathie (2): Others disappear.
• 0:06
  Kathie (2): Some criticize everyone around them.
• 0:09
  Kathie (2): Some suddenly become obsessed with getting everything perfect.
• 0:13
  Kathie (2): Some spend all their energy making sure everyone else is okay, and some avoid what they're feeling altogether.
• 0:23
  Kathie (2): Most people think pressure changes us.
• 0:27
  Kathie (2): I don't.
• 0:28
  Kathie (2): I think pressure reveals us.
• 0:31
  Kathie (2): It introduces us to the parts of ourselves we've been able to hide while life felt manageable.
• 0:37
  Kathie (2): The good news?
• 0:38
  Kathie (2): When you can observe a pattern, you no longer have to become the pattern.
• 0:44
  Kathie (2): Welcome to the Kathie Owen Perspective podcast.
• 0:47
  Kathie (2): My name is Kathie Owen, and I'm a consultant, speaker, and the author of Human Patterns Under Pressure and The Truth Bubbles Up.
• 0:55
  Kathie (2): For years, I've worked with leaders, founders, teams, and individuals, helping them understand something that traditional leadership training often overlooks.
• 1:06
  Kathie (2): Pressure doesn't affect performance.
• 1:09
  Kathie (2): Pressure reveals patterns.
• 1:11
  Kathie (2): I've watched these patterns inside business, leadership teams, families, friendships, and relationships, and I've watched them during conflict, during growth, during uncertainty, and during some of life's biggest transitions.
• 1:27
  Kathie (2): And perhaps most importantly, I've watched them inside myself.
• 1:32
  Kathie (2): That's why today's episode is so important to me, because I don't want you leaving this episode wondering what's wrong with you.
• 1:40
  Kathie (2): I want you leaving this episode recognizing something that's right in front of you, a pattern.
• 1:47
  Kathie (2): Not a personality, not a diagnosis, not a label, a pattern.
• 1:53
  Kathie (2): And before we go any further, I wanna say something that has been one of the guiding principles of my work.
• 2:00
  Kathie (2): No shame, no condemnation, just observation.
• 2:06
  Kathie (2): When we stop judging ourselves, we finally become curious, and curiosity creates awareness.
• 2:12
  Kathie (2): Awareness creates choice, and choice changes everything.
• 2:18
  Kathie (2): One of the biggest shifts in my own life happened when I stopped asking,"Who is this person?" And I started asking,"What pattern is pressure revealing right now?" That one question changed everything, because people aren't one thing.
• 2:36
  Kathie (2): The same person might become controlling at work, withdraw in a relationship, criticize when they're overwhelmed, and become a people pleaser around their family.
• 2:46
  Kathie (2): That's why I don't like labels.
• 2:48
  Kathie (2): Labels freeze people.
• 2:50
  Kathie (2): Patterns move.
• 2:51
  Kathie (2): Patterns change.
• 2:53
  Kathie (2): Patterns can be observed, and what can be observed can be changed.
• 3:01
  Kathie (2): Today, I wanna introduce you to what I call the seven human patterns pressure reveals.
• 3:08
  Kathie (2): This isn't meant to be a checklist.
• 3:10
  Kathie (2): It isn't about putting people into boxes.
• 3:13
  Kathie (2): It's simply a framework I've developed after years of observing human behavior under pressure.
• 3:20
  Kathie (2): Let's begin.
• 3:22
  Kathie (2): Pattern number one, control.
• 3:26
  Kathie (2): This is one of the first patterns I notice.
• 3:28
  Kathie (2): Pressure goes up, and suddenly people need certainty, more information, more reassurance, more updates.
• 3:35
  Kathie (2): They start micromanaging, double-checking, rewriting emails, asking the same question three different ways.
• 3:42
  Kathie (2): It looks like they're trying to control other people, but I don't think that's usually what's happening.
• 3:48
  Kathie (2): I think they're trying to control uncertainty.
• 3:52
  Kathie (2): Their nervous system has decided uncertainty isn't safe, so it starts searching for certainty everywhere it can.
• 4:03
  Kathie (2): That's the pattern.
• 4:05
  Kathie (2): Pattern number two, withdrawal.
• 4:08
  Kathie (2): Then there's withdrawal.
• 4:10
  Kathie (2): Pressure goes up and people become quiet.
• 4:13
  Kathie (2): They stop texting.
• 4:14
  Kathie (2): They stop participating.
• 4:15
  Kathie (2): They stop contributing.
• 4:17
  Kathie (2): The interesting part is what everyone around them does next.
• 4:23
  Kathie (2): We create stories.
• 4:24
  Kathie (2): "They're upset.
• 4:26
  Kathie (2): They don't care.
• 4:27
  Kathie (2): They're ignoring me." Maybe, but maybe not.
• 4:31
  Kathie (2): Maybe pressure has simply overwhelmed their nervous system.
• 4:35
  Kathie (2): Observation always gives us more possibilities than judgment.
• 4:41
  Kathie (2): Pattern number three, criticism.
• 4:45
  Kathie (2): Criticism often looks like intelligence.
• 4:47
  Kathie (2): It feels like discernment.
• 4:49
  Kathie (2): Sometimes people call it just being honest, but underneath, it's frequently fear.
• 4:57
  Kathie (2): I've watched people point out every mistake, correct every detail, find every flaw.
• 5:04
  Kathie (2): What they're often trying to regulate isn't someone else's performance, it's their own discomfort, and pressure simply makes that pattern louder.
• 5:15
  Kathie (2): And I want to state this, this criticism also turns inside of us.
• 5:21
  Kathie (2): Just pointing that observation out for you.
• 5:26
  Kathie (2): All right, pattern number four, perfectionism.
• 5:29
  Kathie (2): Perfectionism is not excellence.
• 5:32
  Kathie (2): Excellence allows mistakes.
• 5:35
  Kathie (2): Excellence learns.
• 5:36
  Kathie (2): Excellence improves.
• 5:38
  Kathie (2): Perfectionism waits.
• 5:41
  Kathie (2): Pressure whispers,"Don't release it until it's perfect", but perfection is often fear wearing a professional outfit.
• 5:50
  Kathie (2): How many opportunities have we delayed because we were waiting to become flawless?
• 5:58
  Kathie (2): Pattern number five, people pleasing.
• 6:01
  Kathie (2): People pleasing is one of the most misunderstood patterns I observe.
• 6:06
  Kathie (2): Most people think it's about wanting people to like you.
• 6:10
  Kathie (2): I don't think that's the whole story.
• 6:12
  Kathie (2): I think many people are trying to create safety.
• 6:15
  Kathie (2): Somewhere along the way, their nervous system learned,"If everyone else is okay, maybe I'll finally be okay." Pressure doesn't create that strategy, it reveals it.
• 6:28
  Kathie (2): Pattern number six, over responsibility.
• 6:33
  Kathie (2): This one shows up everywhere, in founders, in parents, in leaders, in managers, people who quietly carry far more than they were ever meant to carry.
• 6:45
  Kathie (2): Pressure whispers,"If you don't hold everything together, everything will fall apart." So they rescue, they over-function, they take responsibility for problems that don't belong to them.
• 6:57
  Kathie (2): Eventually, they become exhausted, not because they're weak, because they've been carrying way too much.
• 7:07
  Kathie (2): Pattern number seven, emotional avoidance.
• 7:11
  Kathie (2): This one can be difficult to recognize because it often looks productive.
• 7:16
  Kathie (2): Another meeting, another project, another workout, another podcast, another scroll through social media, another distraction, anything except sitting quietly with ourselves.
• 7:30
  Kathie (2): Pressure has a way of revealing the places we refuse to feel, and what we avoid often ends up quietly leading our lives.
• 7:41
  Kathie (2): If you're listening to this and thinking,"I've done every one of those," good, because so have I.
• 7:49
  Kathie (2): That's the point.
• 7:50
  Kathie (2): We are human.
• 7:52
  Kathie (2): This isn't about finding broken people.
• 7:54
  Kathie (2): It's about understanding ourselves just a little bit better because the moment you stop asking,"What's wrong with me?" and start asking,"What pattern is pressure revealing today?" everything begins to change.
• 8:08
  Kathie (2): Before we wrap up, I've written a companion blog post that goes along with today's episode.
• 8:14
  Kathie (2): Inside, you'll find bonus resources, reflection questions, and a deeper dive into each of these patterns.
• 8:21
  Kathie (2): If you'd like to keep exploring this idea, you'll find a link to that in the show notes and description below, and on YouTube, it'll be linked in the very first comment as well.
• 8:32
  Kathie (2): This episode is really the foundation of where we're going next.
• 8:36
  Kathie (2): In future episodes, we're going to unpack each of these patterns individually.
• 8:40
  Kathie (2): We'll talk about founder over responsibility, leadership perfectionism, people pleasing in the workplace, control during uncertainty, withdrawal in relationships, criticism under pressure, and emotional avoidance because every one of these patterns deserves its own conversation, not to judge people, not to label them, but to understand them.
• 9:07
  Kathie (2): Because when we understand human patterns, we become better leaders, better communicators, better partners, better parents, and perhaps a little kinder to ourselves.
• 9:19
  Kathie (2): If today's episode helped you see yourself or someone else in a new way, I'd love for you to share it with someone who would benefit from it.
• 9:27
  Kathie (2): Be sure to follow the podcast so you don't miss the upcoming episodes as we take a deeper look at each of these seven patterns.
• 9:35
  Kathie (2): Until next time, remember, pressure doesn't create patterns, it reveals them, and when you can observe the pattern, you've already taken the first step toward changing it.