Latest / The Astrology of it all / Two Cards, One Life: A Moonlit Tarot Journey of Healing, Boundaries, and Love
Transcript
- Jakayla Snipes: Okay, so I'm a little weirdo who overthinks. Okay. So I like to pull two cards sometimes for one position. and what I mean by that is I don't lay two cards next to each other. Next to means next to, like two separate things sitting beside each other, minding their own business. That's not it. I'm pulling them in tandem, in conjunction. So I like the two cards blending together basically. It kind of gives them more meaning Then either would have a loan. I'm an overthinker, so of course I'm pulling two. ⁓ you know, sometimes one car is not enough for me, not enough for your girl. So, you know, hey. ⁓ so I end up getting the fool with four of cups. I sorry I cut the ⁓ the angles cut off. I'm a little tired, but you know, I just want to come here and talk a little bit today. So I digress. ⁓ We got the fools with four of cups. We got page of pentacles with three of cups. And then we have Ace of Wands with Five of Wands. And at the bottom of the deck, as what I typically call the subconscious, which you which you don't see coming. King of Swords and the Emperor. And this is from our deck and ⁓ True Heart Tarot, if I'm remembering correctly. ⁓ so let's talk about the fool with the Four of Cups. So the first pair that's the first pair I pulled. And honestly, like this feels so much like my life in one picture. But let'll be real with you, because I've got nobody per to perform per over here. It's not really built on faith. Don't tell the Christian boys and girlies, okay? 'Cause listen, I'm not about to sit here and act like I leapt off some cliff while brave and shit, trusting with my arms wide open. Nah, nope, nope, nope, nope. A lot of me is built on fear, okay? Is and heartbreak and watching people I love make choices that genuinely break my heart. But you know, here's the part that matters. It's also built on resilience, on me getting better, on me actually sitting down and figuring out what healing even is for me, which is honestly not what I thought it was. Okay. So that's my fool. Not some naive little jump, ⁓ a leap I feel like I kind of got shoved into. that I I'm going to turn into something useful on the way down. And honestly the four cups I hate this card 'cause it feels like it's so me that is like almost rude, okay? Is the four cups is like generally a picture of somebody with their arms crossed, not even noticing the cup being held right out to them. ⁓ and I'm gonna re send like some of the stuff out loud because of the fact that like I will have an audio version and then like the version on YouTube or whatever. So anyway. But they're they're typically like holding their hands like folded like ooh and there's a cup being held right in front of them. And I kind of feel like that's my fog. And it's not even random, it's literally my chart. ⁓ my chart has my moon sitting right on Saturn and Pisces, which is basically a whole ocean with a wall built around it, like a file cabinet with an ocean. That's a really hot feel. My Virgo Rising is like the container for it. ⁓ But part of my work this month is going to be not to feel more because I think I think I'm at a capacity for that. I think that's good. I think I think I'm down packed right there. ⁓ I think I feel plenty. But I'm gonna try to put my arms down and actually take that cup that's been sitting in front of me the whole time and not be like me. No. Because the cup is gratitude. It's always been gratitude, which leads me into The Page of Pentacles with the Three of Cups. And this is the pair I kinda wanna stay in for a second. Cause this is really kinda like well, I'm still feeling like from my whole heart of July. See, I'm kinda seeing myself as the page of pentacles. Head down, learning my own craft. I'm actually trying to learn how to skate. And kinda came to a realization and conclusion that I need to learn how to have some balance first. Cause I actually have no self awareness of my body. I forgot what ⁓ the artificial intelligence exactly how they put it. ⁓ but I've been trying to learn how to roller skate and came to a very big realization that ⁓ 'Cause like you gotta like bend your knees and like all this type of stuff. And my best friend's trying to teach me how to do it. And ⁓ came to realize on this the realization that I really have like no real physical awareness of even my physical body in the first place. ⁓ and that before I can even really probably even try to learn how to skate, I gotta try to learn how to have balance. Like my friends, like, find your center. I was like, I don't know what the heck that is Like, I don't know what my center is. If I'm about to fall, I typically just fall. Like if I'm about to go down, brrr, I just go down. Like I don't really have a balance. But I didn't realize that apparently for ADHD people, that's pretty common. ⁓ because the same attentional stuff that makes you miss your keys also makes you tune out the constant background signal of where your limbs are. So it's basically like Skating is gonna be hard for you, not because you're uncoordinated, even though I'm like, yeah, it's probably also gonna be uncoordinated. But because I'm trying to skip a step, trying to balance on the wheels before I practice balancing on my feet. Cause most people get away with this because they have a decent baseline and body awareness from childhood and mine's never really got built. So now I have to build it and like do stuff like try to balance on a wall or something to help me build the strength and teach my knees How to learn how to bend, because I don't know really how to bend my knees. Which is sad because I'm 32. I think I should know how do that and you know, be able to like tree pose or something. But yeah, so like with like my brain is like I'm watching all of these skating videos on Pinterest and watching these people like just like glide through people and and scenarios and it just looks so cool and I want to know how to do so. But I have to do the boring work first. Page of Pentacles, back to the card, guys. Head down, learn my instrument. Craft the slow, boring way. I'm gonna have to build this balance one way or another. Like you will learn an instrument. And this card is Mary Lee Williams, a musician, black woman. Called Artaro. Sarah Shipman. and then the second deck is True Heart. And I know her first name is Rachel, but I do not remember her last name. I think she was also in the craft, the creator of that deck. The second deck. This one. ⁓ believe she was I believe she was in craft. I believe she was the black girl in craft, which is very random. But she made a tarot deck. That is Mama making money from that tarot deck, okay? I'm just letting you know. I have two of them. But anyway. The page of Pentacles with the Three of Cups. This is just like I this is a pair I want to stay with for a second. Okay, so head down, learning my own craft, a slow burning boring way. Basel, you will learn an instrument. And I have Pluto dragging through my sixth house for quite a minute now. And it's kind of turned my everyday work into something honestly I barely recognize, but in a good way. The business is the whole magic trick. And I honestly I'm thankful for the grind. I really am, even when it's not cute. But it's really the three of Hops blended in with that, that kinda has me soft right now. I'm not gonna lie. This is about this this is about the circ this is about the stuff, this is the stuff. But the third circles is is is the circle and like look at the circle. I I look at it like that I'm around. My best friend. She's a Pisces, born two days apart from me. Even though she's like the redfish, I'm the blue fish. Cause she'll burn this whole place down and I'll like probably cry. But also cry. ⁓ but she's a amazing. I love her. I love her. I love her so much. ⁓ She's down she's like less than five houses down the street. Like I see her else from my house. I love it. My next door neighbor oop She's a whole clown. In amazing way. Like she's light, she's loud, she's vivacious in the way that just kinda makes like the block feel very alive. And everyone else around here is like quiet and they don't bother a soul. Like I just feel safe. I feel at home. I feel loved. And that's not a small thing for somebody who feels like they kind of rebuilt a lot of their stuff from like nothing. So, yeah, and and on top of that, my brother's been having issues and he's doing so much better. He's sticking with his treatment, he's taking his life back into his own hands, and I'm just so proud of him. I love him so much. And there's my daughter, my Libra queen. She's tall, funny. She has a whole set of freaking boundaries on her that I didn't even have to teach. She just knows how to protect her energy, and she's out there most time guarding minds too. And honestly, I think she'd prefer I never love anybody but her. She there's literally like a sign above me that she wrote that says, You belong to me and it has forever written like 80 gajillion times. But you know what? I am hers. I am. Like what do Jaden, what do you want from me? What do you what do you want? What you want? Like I'm yours. I love her. I love her. I love love love love. Can you tell a lover? ⁓ she left me a voice message today and it was ⁓ she's literally like the sweetest thing my past ever handed to me. Whatever I walk through, I walked out with her and she makes everything worth it. Period. And also like honestly, my brain is like literally bored but she's not with me. It's bored, like and I I need her to take care. But basically that's my right that's my that's my three cubs. Y'all see it. That's the cup that I'm holding up this month, okay? And the third pair was the ace of wands and the five of wands. Straight fire blended with five people swinging sticks at absolutely nothing. I kinda see the fire being like my drive. The spark. I'm grateful. It's still lit almost. Now the five sticks, that's that's somewhere that I didn't ask for. Okay. Y'all if y'all know five of wands, y'all know Car ain't that car ain't fun to get. People be like, Death, no. I'd be like five of ones, no. Five of cups, no. Like, give me the death card. Like speaking of death, my best friend I just talked about. We were just sitting outside last night, just chilling, chilling, goofing. We do nothing but freaking laugh. Like Thanks. Best step dad ever. Thank you. Loved. but I forgot where I was at. I really should just be going to bed. I can't believe I'm doing this. Like I my job offer is overtime and I was like, overtime? Definitely mine. And ⁓ have been like working since like three o'clock. I'm like yum yum yum yum yum gimme all the hours. Give me all the hours. ⁓ so I like didn't finish till like ten thirty and then I like I'm so hungry, can someone take me to something to eat 'cause I can't drive And my mom and my stepdad looked at me like We're tired. So they were like, We'll just order something and again, love. Anyway I was talking about Ace of Wands and Five of Wands, wasn't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I said, I feel like the fire's mine, like my drive, the spark that like I said, I'm still I'm grateful that's still lit. And the five sticks, that's not some weather I asked for. But It's because Okay, okay. Here's something I've learned about a certain type of person. Okay. Someone just be very careful with how I say I feel like you take the front door away from them. ⁓ wait, did I did I did I remember like saying what my my best friend did? I don't think I did. Sorry. She we were sitting outside and last night and this halfway just takes like my pair of scissors and just like starts chopping, chopping. Chopped all her hair off, but like one of her dreads. And she looks good as hell. Okay? Like she looks so damn good. And she's a scorpion rising. Death. Transformation. I just I cannot describe you like her hair looks so damn good. I I don't only like as a black woman, okay, okay. That to me is fearless, okay? Like I like remember when I was younger, I was being so attached to my hair, like my inches, like you know, like wanted to grow longer, mainly so I could hide, okay? Like hide behind my hair is what I wanted. Like a just invisibility cloak. You no longer can see me. ⁓ And my best friend's black, by the way. ⁓ and so like to like just watch her do that. And it was like at nighttime and she just like just starts chopping and she's like, should I get a mirror or did she say she's gonna that first? I don't remember. I don't remember she started chopping first and then got the mirror or got the mu I don't remember. But anyway, it was wild. It was wild and her hair looks amazing. ⁓ anywho So going back to the cards. So, Sometimes you take the front door away from certain people and they don't leave, so they'll probably go find a window and maybe they'll borrow an occasion or maybe they'll send somebody else to do their talking for them or maybe they'll wander around your life until they kind of find the one room you can't lock and they'll pull a little chair up to it just so your attention has to walk past them to get your own peace. And listen, I'ma say this with all the love that Pisces can hold, which I believe it's a whole lot. This move only works if it freaking lands. Because the entire plan is built on that person being reachable, right? Like if you just sit yourself down in the exact right tender spot, the person will just spin out, hand over the real estate. No, the lease is up. Rit no. No more access in my head. No more getting noticed. And those are two completely different things. And one of them is a smaller and sadder thing to be settling for. So I guess congrats on that window. But The house still isn't yours, is what I'm saying. Like, you know, you can go whichever little angle you wanna go to try to hurt me. And it's been done. And maybe if I look a little bit of a teen little bit But that's to be expected, right? 'Cause that's literally how I am. And that's how I'm wired, and that's how my how I'm built. Use my own family against me, to put into your own affairs in a very weird way, and then also use the only thing that is s shared with that person, such as their child it's just a lot, okay? And Kudos. But I don't think it lands the way people think stuff lands when they're doing stuff. It's very hurtful. Like they're just so there's some moves that are so audacious that like when you say them out loud Like your brother marrying your ex husband. Your biological brother, not his at all. And then that brother staying with you, hanging out with you, you making him smoothies, 'cause you love him and are are trying to be in a better place with him, but he looks at you bold face and never says anything to you and then by the way, that brother doesn't live with you typically, he lives out of state. But he comes into town 'cause he wants to be a preacher. But he never says one thing to you about the fact that he will be flying and leaving House we were just sharing together. Well he writes on the fridge. Blank was here. To go not, just be at a wedding. But to perform the wedding of somebody who you know abused your sister. Whether you want to believe it or not. You know I've expressed that. But That was the hurt. And Congrats. It landed, it did hurt. So there you go. But Bottom of the deck is the King of Swords with the Emperor. So both of my bottom cards, they basically kinda come up as like authority. King of Swords, the mind that just can kinda cut clean through the noise, and the Emperor is basically like somebody sitting on a throne that like she 'cause it's all women up in that deck, okay? ⁓ but that that she built with her own two hands. And that bottom spot, that's the one that I read is what I don't see coming basically, which I kinda see as the universe doing a whole you know, little bit because I just kinda keep waiting for myself to one day become like this sovereign version of myself. Like I know I I kinda did a a v version of this when I was younger. Like I'd be like, When I get to middle school, I will ⁓ like what ⁓ shoot, I can't remember what it's called. Like it was like that thing you would do, like not a glow up. It was a different word I feel like for us people born like in nineteen ninety four time range. but like I forgot what it's called, but like you like y you know, like you c you come back from the summer break ⁓ hot. 'Cause I I read too much. That's my problem. I read too much growing up so my brain is like a whole bunch of fiction stories. ⁓ but yeah, and I would think like then when I get to high school I'll be really liked and like actually have friends. And actually I did. And I always say this. When I got to my high sch my second high school, Wakaifa, you I got someone Dr. Phillips. But when I got to Macaifa I really did find some friends and I've like always remained thankful for that. Only yeah like last couple years of my high school career. But it was a good one, man. It was I ended good there, okay? Look at me talking about my high school career like it was something. That was the height of my social socialness. Let me just let me just finish 'cause it's it's gonna be too long and it's eleven twenty three at night. So yeah. Yeah, I just keep waiting for that, but I'm realizing like maybe she's just been kind of sitting there at the bottom of deck the whole time. See my north note is glued to Pluto and Scorpio, which is just a pretty way of saying that I feel like I gave my sister's life with one assignment to like let things die so they can come back as power to take the crown back instead of handing it to whoever happens to be holding my heart that season. Cause it's that leap or the craft or the fire, all of it, I feel like it's standing on top of the throne. And that I haven't been able to see the foundation from where I've actually been standing. And that probably made not a lot of sense, but I'm also again trying to talk around certain things, okay? Trying to talk around because I already said way much more that I was going to say. But you know what? It just happens, man. It is all good. I'm pretty sure no one has made it to whatever minute I've been talking about this on. So whatever. But just going through like some other little things that I've just been thinking about and chewing on and stuff like that. I just feel like the facts of my life are already kind of set. Kind of like the food is cooked, it's plated, it's served, certain things have happened, certain people went off and built certain lives. And the hard parts kind of happened exactly how they happened. And I can't recook a single bite of any of it. Like none of that is changing. But the framing around the plate, I'm starting to see that as the whole game. And I'm trying to s take these same exact facts and run kind of Trying to figure out okay. So I kind of feel like I'm still me sometimes, and I feel like but I feel like I'm still stuck and that like everybody's moved on without me. And a lot of times it that tastes like losing, if I'm being real with you. But when I take the same facts and I run that instead through I'm staying clear, I'm seeing the moves, and I'm gonna be somebody who feels everything all the way to the floor and just you know what, live through it anyway. It just kind of all of a sudden taste a little bit like proof of how far I've actually fucking come. And nothing about what happened changed in between those two. I feel like I just switched the frame and I feel it switch in my body. And that's the letting go or the letting go I came looking for, I feel. That's what I was looking for. I feel like I kept waiting for on the past to shrink or soften or just disappear. And you know what? I've really been realizing it just never does. At least not for me. Cause y you can't eat the food. I mean guess you could eat it. Okay, okay. You could But I'm gonna say you can't delete the food, okay? But you can change what's around it. And I see that as the five of cups thing. Like you can stand there crying over the cups that spilled, or you can turn around and notice the ones that are still standing up behind you. And I got that shit. And reframing is not some cute little lie I'm telling myself to feel better either. Bef like, you know, I just feel like the kinder version is usually the truer one because it actually accounts for more. Of what's real, right? I just got this habit. It's that moon Saturn thing again, I guess, of letting the meanest read win the room before the full story even gets a word in. So the work isn't pretending. It's just not letting the cruelest frame be the only plate on the table when there's a more honest one sitting right there. Because I feel like gratitude, to me, it just turns out to be the truest frame. It's the freest one. It's just the one I've got. Same life, better lens, but on. Purpose. Hope I'm making some sense. And going back to the astrology, I feel like Jupiter's kinda just like walked up to my twelfth house. That's the house of hidden stuff. Private. The the shit that no that you work through and nobody's watching. And Jupiter is ki is grace, is and mercy and expansion. So I feel like the blessing this month is a soft kind, the kind that nobody really gets to see. Which is why, you know what? These thoughts are gonna live right here in a quiet little corner on the internet. Like Because you what? Grace doesn't need an audience. It's not that deep. And and I feel like sometimes that's stuff like that's Saturn and Neptune, they're actually also about to go retrograde, my eight house and other people's. And that's the structure and surrender both sitting basically in the same room. The same room where stuff gets the same room where stuff dies, it gets reborn. And Saturn is kind of like encouraging you to build the boundary. And Neptune it then it's kind of like giving the vibe like, yeah, but stay soft. And so the two of them, I feel like they're kind of walking me through the one thing I've genuinely had to learn the hard way, which is and this is a thing I I've been saying to my best friend actually like 20 times, which is how do I care deeply and hold loosely at the same time? Basically, I'm trying to have a door closed, but a heart still behind it. It's very, very difficult. My best friend, she just don't do it because she ain't got it to do. Okay. And that's why she the red fli fish, and this is why I'm the blue fish. But I be like, sometimes I wanna be the red fish, okay? But Jesus, then I also realize that Mercury's retrograde basically all month too. So, you know, the past is also gonna just knock come knocking. I should even really I should have thought about that too. It hasn't stationed when some stuff happened, but I should have really thought about that. But you know what? It's all good. You know, 'cause a look back is not a U turn. If you wanna know more about Mercury retrograde, I another I've a I another thing you could watch or listen to or whatever. But A look back is not a U turn. I can glance at it and glance at where I've been without booking the whole trip again. See, this is what I'm d I'm do I'm listen. And I'm d a lot of stuff is from conversation with my best friend, okay? A lot of it is. Like so much of this is. I love her so much. I'm so grateful and appreciative and thankful for her. She is the best. The baddest bitch in the world. I love her so much. I don't know how long we've been friends at this point, like what like five years or something? Like And she's there, fiercely, like ready to get up in your face if you wanna mess with me. Like, period. And same bag. Boo. I just love her. I love her. I love her. So much. ⁓ but I'm starting to feel like I can glance at where I've been without booking the whole trip again. And the notes are also switching science to season. And that's also kinda like the sky's way of telling me at least that a chapter's closing, whether or not anybody's showing up, right? But it's cool 'cause I say my goodbyes quietly on my own terms. Which is honestly how I do everything that's actually mine. But It's all good. You know, honestly, I used to go off for real. I ain't gonna lie. Name it, tag it, set the whole thing. I might set this whole thing down, baby. ⁓ but these are these days I just decided to let the chart do the talking, throwing do the sitting, and I'm gonna spend my energy on the people who pay me back in laughter instead of lessons. My best friend down the street, my loud, lovely neighbor. My brother getting his life back. My mom, my stepdad bringing me freaking food, my mom ordering me food. My Libra girl who loves me half to death. That's where my thank you is living this month. And it's a freaking long, beautiful list. So you know what? If something of mine gets rearranged, that's gonna be okay. It's fine. I'ma no I'ma notice it, let it hurt, and I'ma let it be exactly as big as it actually is, and I'ma stay standing anyway. Clear, soft, still me. And you know what? That last part was never the problem. Still me is the whole floor. This house is built on baby. And listen, you can out the front door. You can you can borrow the window. Like who cares? Right. The throne is always at the bottom of the deck. And it's only got the one seat. So with that. Chaquela's out. Okay, so I totally did have that last line completely planned 'cause I was like, ⁓ snap. Guys, what if I learn roller skating and then I learn rhythm? Cause I have none. So, like, what if I can start pop locking dropping it? What? At thirty two, y'all d y'all won't know what to do. I will be Outside but only at night time because it's too hot. I live in Florida. Anyway, I'm gonna go eat some food and take my ass to bed. Bye. Ma burn this whole thing down.