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What makes a narcissist NOT WANT to date you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about what makes a narcissist
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  not want to date you, what makes them stay away from you when
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  they're getting to know you and what not.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a self aware narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. Yeah, I love, I love the day, I
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  love the theme music. I do.
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  I ain't gonna joke with you, but yes, y'all, yes, yes, yes.
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  What makes a narcissist not want to date you?
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  What makes them stay far away from you, where they're getting
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  to know you and whatnot. So before we hop deep in today's
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  episode, before we hop deeply, make sure y'all check out my
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  courses and my support groups and whatnot.
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  You can find everything@courses.mentalillness.net
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  like you see on the screen right now.
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  Make sure you subscribe to the channel as well, y'all, if
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  you're not subscribe yet. What we doing here?
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  NASA's gravity. I don't know what we're doing
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  here. You know, guys, what we're doing
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  here? Yes, yes, yes, yes.
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  What makes a narcissist not want to date you?
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  Y'all? Simple the simple the I'm gonna
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  keep it. I'm a I'm a KISS.
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  I'm gonna keep it simple. Stupid to myself, right?
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  I'm gonna use the acronym on myself today.
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  The number one thing that makes a narcissist not want to date
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  you is boundaries. There I said it dare.
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  I said it bout y'all. If you have boundaries, if you
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  are good at using the word no, narcissistic people are not
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  going to want to date you typically.
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  Typically he's the Greek God. Or maybe they're going to want
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  to try to avoid you at all costs, right?
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  Because why would a narcissist want to be around somebody who's
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  going to continuously reject them, Who's going, who's going
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  to make them feel like less than a real person?
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  Who's going to make them feel a certain type of way by
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  themselves? So this is what happens right
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  here in these spaces when you're dealing with toxic narcissistic
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  people, typically you're going to find a way to win, like by
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  setting boundaries. You yeah, you have to be able to
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  set a boundary you like, this is not even me joking.
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  This is not me trying to make you feel bad about yourself.
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  This is just me just saying, hey, if you can, you learn to
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  use the word no, They're not going to want to date you.
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  They're going to typically want to get away from you.
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  They're not going to want to keep this thing going on unless
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  you have a psychopathic narcissist that just wants to
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  beat you, wants to beat the boundaries down, right?
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  Because some of these, some of these toxic narcissistic people,
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  when they slide up the scale of psychopathy and you know,
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  sociopathy, sociopathy, they can absolutely try to break, break,
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  break your boundaries down. They're like, oh, you're a
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  strong willed person. I want to break you.
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  But most narcissists in the beginning, if you're saying, if
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  you're learning to use the word no, if you're setting healthy
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  boundaries, that's typically typically going to make them out
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  themselves, right? Typically they're going to out
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  themselves because they don't want, they don't want to deal
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  with it. They don't want to deal with you
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  in your boundaries. They don't want to deal with the
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  thought of being rejected consistently because you saying
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  the word no, you having boundaries is going to make them
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  feel rejected. It's consistently going to make
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  them feel like they're getting rejected over and over again.
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  This is what goes on in the mind of a lot of narcissists, right?
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  They're going to feel rejected because you break, you hurt them
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  when you say the word no. The word no is like paper cuts.
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  It's like giving a narcissist a lot of paper cuts, like you just
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  paper cutting the hell out of them because you said the word
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  no. Keep saying no.
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  Learn to use the word no even when you get in.
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  Love bombed y'all. If you don't want to do
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  something, say you don't want to do it well.
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  Lee I don't want to seem like a fuddy Duddy.
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  And then what if they I really like them.
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  What if they're cute? What if they have some money?
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  What if they're the booty night? Look at them.
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  Some nice set of cheeks. Lee What if, what if, What if?
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  What if you don't say no, say anything and they abuse you
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  later on? You could have stopped it now if
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  you could have chose to stop it earlier.
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  I think most people would say if I can look into the future and
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  see that this person is going to be abusive no matter how cute or
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  how much money they had, no matter how that that body look,
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  I think most people would say I would, I would have rather not
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  been abused. That's just my thought process.
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  I could be wrong. Y'all know I'm willing to be
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  wrong. I'm I'm 100% willing to be wrong
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  in these circumstances. But most of the time I don't
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  think I'm wrong because this is the mind of a lot of
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  narcissistic people are here. Y'all narcissist, toxic people
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  are going to continuously do this type of stuff because they
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  benefit from it. They get there's deep benefits
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  from them finding people who don't have, who don't use the
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  word no and who don't set a lot of healthy boundaries.
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  Like I can find you and you don't set healthy boundaries.
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  I feel like that's a victory for me.
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  You know, that's a victory for me as a narcissist, that's a
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  victory for me. So if you have boundaries, I'm
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  not typically going to want to deal with you.
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  You know, I'm typically not going to want to deal with you.
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  Another person that narcissists typically try to avoid and don't
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  want to date. Y'all is somebody that not just
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  boundaries somebody. This is going to sound weird
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  because it doesn't work for everybody.
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  This is super specific, but it works for some people.
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  If you have a very, very tight knit group of friends and
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  family, like your support system, somebody has a huge like
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  a very tight support system that has people around them that are
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  willing and they people not just have people around them, people
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  that are you are willing to listen to narcissists hate that
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  y'all? They hate when you have a good
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  support system. They hate it because most
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  narcissists of course they want to, they worry about their
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  reputation and getting people to like them.
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  But most narcissists want to find a way to isolate you.
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  They want to find a way. They want to find a way to get
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  you to themselves. They really, really do.
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  This is what most narcissists want to do.
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  They want to find a way to get you by yourself so they can
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  manipulate you. They can I they can manipulate
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  you. They can gas like the steam out
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  of you know, they can trap you. They can do all this type of
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  stuff because when you they, when they get you by yourself,
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  you don't have anybody to depend on.
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  If I get you by yourself, if it's just me and you, I win a
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  lot of times because you, if you don't have healthy boundaries
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  and you don't have a support system, then nine out of the 10
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  times I'm going to win 9.9. Out of the 10 times I'm going to
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  win arguments, I'm going to win a situation because you don't
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  have anybody to depend on. So if I can successfully isolate
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  you away from your friends and family, then yes, I win.
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  So that's why I'm just telling you.
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  That's why I tell people in these situations right here,
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  when you're dealing with a toxic narcissistic person, it helps to
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  benefit you in these situations to half boundaries to have a
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  support systems, be able to be willing to listen to your
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  support system, you know, to be able to be willingly listen to
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  your support system and like, Hey, I don't like this dude.
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  I know you. He might fit all of your, your
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  your family members coming to you and say, hey, look, I don't
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  like this dude. He might fit all of the things
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  that you were watching and things that you want out of a
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  person. But this is these behaviors are
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  weird. You're not, you know, yet
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  yelling is weird. You know this person is kind of
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  strange. They will tell you the type of
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  stuff right there. They will tell you like you, but
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  you have to be willing to listen.
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  Narcissists hate, hate, hate the fact that it takes, you know,
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  that you have family and friends.
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  They don't want to do that. They don't want to date people
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  like that. You know, they don't want to
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  date people with healthy boundaries.
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  They don't want to date people with good support systems and
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  things like that. Some of them, some people, some
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  narcissists love it. You know, some of those
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  narcissists love when you have a healthy support system.
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  You know what I mean? Some narcissists love it when
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  you have, you know, because they can isolate you away from it.
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  Some narcissists, dark, dark, toxic narcissists love a
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  challenge, right? They love when you challenge
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  them. They love when people challenge
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  them so they can win. It feels like a bigger victory
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  if they can break people, if they can break you away from
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  your support system, they can break you away from those
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  boundaries. Then they feel like it's a
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  bigger victory. Look who you used to be to what
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  to who you are right now. This is what happens a lot of
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  times in these situations. So you know, I'll say it right
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  there. This is what happens to a lot of
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  people though, when you're dealing with narcissist.
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  This is not just a an isolated event.
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  I also say this thing right here.
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  Y'all narcissistic people absolutely cannot stand people
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  who go against them. This is not even just setting
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  boundaries. This is like you just go against
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  them. You like stand up for yourself
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  which can be part of setting boundaries.
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  But if you stand up for yourself you just usually not willing to
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  go with the flow or follow their toxic ass lead then they hate
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  that they hate that you. If you have conflicting views of
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  the future or your likes and dislikes, they typically won't
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  date you. If you're standing up for
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  yourself, you're strong minded, strong willed.
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  They typically will not date you unless again, they're part of
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  that psychopathic, that psycho batch that I was talking about
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  earlier that's tried to break you.
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  There are some of them, like I said, they will try to break
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  you, but they hate strong willed people y'all.
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  They hate when you are able to stand up for yourself, not only
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  with boundaries, but if you're just willing to stand up for
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  yourself and just not go with the flow that doesn't work for
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  them. That's actually super
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  aggravating for most narcissists in that space right there for
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  you to not go with their flow, for you to consistently go do
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  what you do, what you want to do for you not to listen to them,
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  not follow their lead. And a lot of times in the
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  misogynistic narcissist, not be submissive.
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  They that's what they say. They'll tell you not submissive
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  enough, right? You know they'll tell you not
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  submissive enough. You need to submit to me and do
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  whatever I say and be my slave. They give the word submission
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  and slavery kind of intertwined in a toxic mindset.
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  In the toxic mentality, they get those two words mixed up a lot.
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  So this is what you have to deal with with toxic narcissistic
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  people. You getting to know them.
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  Yeah, out like be you. I would say this be you at the
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  beginning. I know what that's what most
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  people do, but you put your best foot for it.
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  But be you. Don't try to change who you are,
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  because if you're unwilling to change who you are, narcissist
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  people tend to avoid you. They feel like they can't change
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  you. They will avoid you.
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  If they cannot change you, they cannot break you.
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  They tend to avoid you. You know, that's what I was just
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  telling you. Like damn, you kind of tough,
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  like you might be cute. Whatever they think you are, You
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  might they might be attracted to you overall, but if they cannot
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  change you or you're not very malleable to become, they try.
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  They can't mold you into this person that they want you to be.
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  They tend to avoid you. So be you don't change like I
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  got to change my whole lifestyle up for this person.
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  I had to take a chance on this person right here.
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  Y'all I know y'all see the movies.
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  I know y'all see the the TV shows when people just change
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  their whole life up and risk it for love and it works out on the
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  TV shows yeah real life is different Real life is
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  different. I'm just telling you B just if
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  you're not, I'm just telling you stand on your business, stand on
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  your business, stand on business, stand on boundaries,
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  stand on who you are. B you you know, they tell you
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  that you're too loud. OK, this I'm too loud.
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  What you talking about? This is just me.
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  Don't change who you are. If you're unwilling to change
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  who you are, you typically can avoid narcissist job.
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  Just be you use the word no set those boundaries.
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  Keep a support system if you have one.
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  Be willing to listen to your support system because not
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  everybody's a hater. Not everybody's hating on your
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  relationship like narcissist will tell you they're just
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  hating on us because they want me.
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  They want to be with me. They want to give me them
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  cheeks. But anyway, job, thank you for
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  tuning into another episode. Y'all know I truly appreciate
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  every single one of y'all for being here.
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  Of course, if you haven't already, subscribe to the
• 11:20
  channel. And as always y'all, this is up.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:30
  to the channel. Help us reach more people and
• 11:32
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse
• 11:34
  through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 11:41
  Thank you so much again. I will see you.