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Relationships · Can We Actually Talk About this?

0:07
SPEAKER_00: Hi everyone and welcome to today's podcast episode of Can We Actually Talk About This?
0:13
SPEAKER_00: And in today's episode, we are talking about relationships.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: I mean, this is going to be interesting because it's two very different perspectives.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: That is it.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: I have been married for nearly 10 years and I've been with my husband for nearly 20 years.
0:33
SPEAKER_00: That blows my mind.
0:36
SPEAKER_00: It's mad.
0:36
SPEAKER_00: And let's talk about your relationship status.
0:39
SPEAKER_01: Single as a pringle.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: No.
0:43
SPEAKER_01: So I was married for how many years were they actually married?
0:46
SPEAKER_01: I was in the relationship for 10 years.
0:47
SPEAKER_01: So we divorced or separated on our 10th anniversary, which was ironic, really.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: So it was like long term, did the whole, you know, met them when I moved away from home, did the whole got engaged, got married in a beautiful wedding, bought a house, had a baby, and then things just change, don't they?
1:06
SPEAKER_01: Like people just change massively.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: And I think it was just, yeah, very different for us.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: But anyway, that happened this year.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: Got divorced and dumped in the same week.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
1:18
SPEAKER_01: That was a lot, wasn't it?
1:20
SPEAKER_01: That was a lot.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: That was a lot, yeah.
1:22
SPEAKER_01: But Casey saved me.
1:23
SPEAKER_01: She just turned up at my house, and I was like, no choice.
1:26
SPEAKER_01: I was there.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: She was there, but it was fine.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: It was all good.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: So what we did was we worked through it.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, literally.
1:31
SPEAKER_01: Literally.
1:32
SPEAKER_01: Worked through it.
1:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: Printed information.
1:34
SPEAKER_01: Did do work.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, and now, yeah, single as a Pringle.
1:37
SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
1:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm alright at the moment.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I feel like you're just really in a really happy place.
1:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm just figuring my own life out before I invite someone else into it.
1:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love it.
1:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: So we are going to talk about relationships today, and we can talk about past and present.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: Yours is going to be the same one all the way through.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: All the way, because I've been with my husband since I was 15.
1:56
SPEAKER_00: So it's literally is like uh we were school together at school to now, so I haven't really had any other relationships.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: That's crazy though.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: But I think that's good because you've survived all the changes, you know what I mean?
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think like when people ask me about it, I am genuinely like, I do think you either grow together or you grow apart.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: It just is what it is.
2:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: But also, from knowing you and Craig as a part as a pair as well, you're very different.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so to say you're growing together, you're growing as individuals together, like you've got it cracked, do you know what I mean?
2:28
SPEAKER_01: Whereas a lot of people I feel like feel like they have to become one unit.
2:33
SPEAKER_01: You are two very separate units that work brilliantly alongside each other, and that's why you work.
2:37
SPEAKER_00: Like you have absolutely we don't stop each other doing anything, and I think that's the key thing, um, for sure, is to allow each other like our own space to be us, to find ourselves, to grow, however that looks.
2:50
SPEAKER_01: And you kind of support each other whether you agree with it or not.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
2:55
SPEAKER_00: Good job with both laid back.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
2:57
SPEAKER_01: Well, Craig more than me.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: Craig's horizontal.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: Literally.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: But it is interesting when you say like you grow together because you've been through all of your life changes together.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: Literally, I've been with him for longer than I've like, I've been with him for lot like how how how do I word this?
3:14
SPEAKER_00: I've been with him longer than I've been without him.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
3:18
SPEAKER_01: You spent more than half of your life.
3:20
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
3:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:20
SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: It's mad, isn't it?
3:23
SPEAKER_00: It's just um, but yeah, it's it's been a roller coaster for sure.
3:27
SPEAKER_00: And I there's been so many bumps in the road and things like that, but like I say, we've always supported each other, and I think the key thing out of everything is communication.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: You've always communicated.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think that is so important, and that's one thing that can get lost in relationships for sure.
3:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think because you kind of get to that point where uh you assume things are communicated because you don't need to say them out loud anymore, but you do need to say them out loud, absolutely.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: The other person isn't a mind reader, and as well as you know each other, new things will crop up all the time.
4:02
SPEAKER_01: Definitely and they can change, don't they?
4:04
SPEAKER_01: They change all the way through.
4:05
SPEAKER_01: What do you think has been the biggest challenge in your relationship?
4:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, for me, definitely having kids.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Really?
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 100%.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: I think having kids puts so much strain on a relationship.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, because you're both tired, like you've got this suddenly, as particularly with the first one, you've suddenly got this new born to look after, and you're both doing it for the first time.
4:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like that's what I found was really tough because I struggled massively with postnatal depression after having Nikki, and I don't think Craig understood, you know.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: Like, I I had this baby, and I was like, Oh my goodness, I should feel this like overwhelming love, and I just didn't.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: And I would say to him, like, I don't, I don't feel like I love him, and I don't understand why I don't feel that.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: And Craig was like, Well, of course you love him, you know, like it was just this, he didn't get that.
4:55
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think that's what a time when we went through was really hard.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I found that as well after having Daisy again, it was that postnatal depression, like, but we kind of understood each other a little bit better, but he still wasn't that great with it.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, but Ella was fine, like I just realized that time around I was like, fine, I know what's happening, like now we kind of can get on with it a bit more.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: But I think the major one was definitely having Mickey.
5:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it it's it is a fact though, isn't it?
5:26
SPEAKER_01: I think most relationships statistically end within the first three years of a child being born, the first child being born.
5:32
SPEAKER_01: And I think you know, people just pop out another one and think, let's get through it again.
5:36
SPEAKER_01: And you did it and it worked for you, whereas I was like one and done.
5:39
SPEAKER_01: And actually, that was I think Evan was what was he, two, two and a half when we separated.
5:46
SPEAKER_01: And it was a lot to do with how lives changed once he arrived.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: Exactly, and I think that's where the communication comes in key, which was a struggle to begin like begin with.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: But when I tried to then explain to Craig a little bit more and just try and open his mind a bit more as well, I think he he was quite closed-minded to the mental health stuff and was like, No, you're fine, like you're fine, you're fine.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: We always would just because we were brought up to be like you're fine.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, do you know what I mean?
6:13
SPEAKER_00: So it's like you're fine, you get on with it.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I had always been like that.
6:18
SPEAKER_00: So I think all of a sudden, for me to struggle and actually really need him was a bit like oh he didn't know how to handle it.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, but we learnt and we grew, and that's why, yeah, we just make sure communication is key for sure.
6:33
SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, it's hard, isn't it?
6:36
SPEAKER_01: I think especially when he knows you as a certain type of person, giving birth totally changes you, yeah.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: It really is your mental health, like it's and then he's having to meet you as a different person than who he already knew.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: Definitely, and also he's knackered too, because I didn't I really struggled to breastfeed um with Mickey, so then he was up doing some of the night feeds as well.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so he was tired as well, and I think the the that jointness of you both being tired is such a struggle because I get so anggy when I'm tired.
7:09
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: Maybe, yeah, I do, I do.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: I just you need a Pepsi Max, don't you?
7:17
SPEAKER_00: Don't I?
7:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and what but like talk to me about you.
7:20
SPEAKER_01: Like, I think I don't know.
7:23
SPEAKER_01: Well, I was gonna say to you, like, how do you keep it excited now?
7:26
SPEAKER_01: Because obviously, I not at the moment, but was on like dating apps, going on dates with people, meeting new people.
7:33
SPEAKER_01: It became a bit of a comedy show at one point.
7:36
SPEAKER_01: I literally start is can we okay?
7:39
SPEAKER_00: Well, we'll talk about that in a minute because I think that's a really fun thing to do.
7:42
SPEAKER_01: But what I was gonna say to you is how do you because obviously you've gone through all these challenges, you've gone through all these changes, you've been together for such a long time, you essentially are the same people, like, but you just are a bit older.
7:54
SPEAKER_01: How do you keep things exciting and how do you well still find it fun to be with that person?
8:00
SPEAKER_00: 100%.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where a lot of it comes down to the intimacy stuff.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: I think you have to keep things fresh and fun, yes, you know, and try new things, and it's like becomes funny doing that.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
8:13
SPEAKER_00: Like you also I don't know what you mean, and carry on.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: I didn't have that, like that never happened.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: It kind of fizzled out, and that was towards the end of our relationship.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: So I never went through that experimental phase until I was single and mingling.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Literally.
8:30
SPEAKER_00: No, I definitely think like obviously one taking time to do stuff together, but obviously, we've got three children.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: It's not easy to get anyone to look after them, and I'm also this person, like I've had these kids, so I need to look after them.
8:42
SPEAKER_00: And I love spending time with my kids.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: So at the same time, we don't really do much without our kids because we genuinely enjoy spending time with them and doing stuff as a family.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: So for us, it's definitely the intimacy in the bedroom for sure makes such a difference.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: Like, I just think being open and but like when you know somebody so well and you've grown, like you've spent time working on your confidence and your self-worth, you feel like so much more laid back about trying new things.
9:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think because you're so comfortable with each other, aren't you?
9:15
SPEAKER_01: The trust is there that you don't have to have like boundaries up.
9:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and don't get me wrong, like sometimes I still like get a bit embarrassed, like when things I'm like, oh my god, how embarrassing.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: But I will say it.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: I'll be like, oh my god, Craig, that is so embarrassing.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: I can't believe that just happened.
9:29
SPEAKER_00: Like when you do a little fluff.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
9:32
SPEAKER_00: Literally, literally, yeah, but like it's all part and parcel of it, and having it, then you have a laugh together because then you're like, oh my god, that was so funny, and then you can't stop giggling, and you just become kids again, yeah.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: Because you're like, that was just funny, like we're we're laughing.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: So it takes you back to it just takes you back to actually like like that friendship as well as the relationship and just yeah, having a good time, however that looks, whether that is you guys just going out um for a date and trying something new, or whether that is intimacy in the bedroom, like trying new things together um and having fun with it for sure is so key.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: I guess it's a different kind of fun and excitement, isn't it?
10:14
SPEAKER_01: It's like reminiscing and reliving as well as like discovering new things as you go through it.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: 100%.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: So there is hope out there, you can get past the 10-year stage.
10:25
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: You can.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: She's living nearly 20.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: So 20 years, literally 20 years next month.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: That's actually mental like insane.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: But can we please talk about your dating life?
10:39
SPEAKER_00: I find it really interesting to hear about.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: It's actually quite funny.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's g it's made me lose the will to live, if I'm totally honest.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: At first it was oh god, she stood up and it all fell down.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: At first, it was exciting and intriguing, and I was like, Oh, okay, we'll build these profiles, like we'll get to meet new people, blah blah.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: And then you see the reality of what's actually available out there.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: Um I think I messaged you tonight.
11:09
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I've just I've spent I've done like 10 swipes, and within those 10 swipes, there was someone who was sat in the back of a police van and decided to put that as their profile.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: Right, interesting.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, there was somebody with a very, very severe facial disfigurement, but then in their second picture looked like a different person, then their third picture looked like a different person again.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: So I was like, Who are you?
11:33
SPEAKER_01: Who are you?
11:35
SPEAKER_01: Um so many pictures of men holding fish.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: Oh, people like the men love fishing.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: Love fishing, and I'm not down for that.
11:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm not down for that.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: Um lots of pictures of men wearing like I call them dad sunglasses, you know, like the really reflective ones that are very only like runners or skiers should wear them, but they they're sat in like weather spoon beer garden with them on.
11:59
SPEAKER_01: Like there's a lot of that.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: It just brought up a lot of icks for me, if I'm totally honest.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: And then you find like the diamond in the ref, whose pictures look normal.
12:09
SPEAKER_01: He says he's above 5'10, which is my cutoff point.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: Although I'm five foot four at push, I do think I'm five foot seven.
12:16
SPEAKER_01: So if I need someone to be a lot taller than me, and then you talk and they're funny, and you're like, yeah, great.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden, poof, they just disappear.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: Vanish.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or you get a long message telling you how because you didn't respond within a certain period of time, you're very entitled and you don't respect somebody else's time.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: That was a nice one.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: Right.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: Um, or sometimes you do get on a date.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: And then on the first date, you get really drunk and you think, yeah, I've met the love of my life.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: And then on the second date, you're like, oh, whoopsies.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: We're not doing it.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: We wouldn't work.
12:53
SPEAKER_01: No, this isn't for me.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: No, thank you, but no, thank you.
12:57
SPEAKER_01: And it's just it's the whole like it must be so hard.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: Like when I think of the thought of actually having to try and meet somebody who you that you connect with.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: Like, there's so many people out there, it is actually quite tricky, right?
13:12
SPEAKER_01: And I hate like I like it now on dating apps, and you can put like voice notes on the profile and you can put videos on the profile.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm very much about like how someone moves, what they sound like, like the full person, not just a picture of them.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: Because you don't like, I went on a date.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: I turned up, and he was like, Oh god, you're a lot you're actually a lot prettier than your pictures.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: No, I was like, Thank you so much.
13:37
SPEAKER_01: But then, like, I get to the date point.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what if they turn up, they've got a really squeaky high voice?
13:41
SPEAKER_01: I can't deal with that, and I don't know.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: And I'll send a voice note and they won't send one back.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm hear the voice.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: And also the whole thing of um, like, are you actually who you say you are?
13:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's scary.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: That's really scary.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that's why whenever you went on a date, I'd be like, Where are you?
14:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, when are you going?
14:02
SPEAKER_00: And tell me when you're leaving, and make sure it's on your own.
14:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: And I I was I was very good.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: You were so good.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: Very good.
14:09
SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, it's just a bit chaotic.
14:14
SPEAKER_01: And the thing is with the job that we do as well, as soon as they're like, What do you do?
14:18
SPEAKER_01: I try and keep it to a minimum.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, I run my own business.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: Because then as soon as they say, like, oh, what's it called?
14:25
SPEAKER_01: Or what is it about?
14:26
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh, female empowerment, they're either like, oh, you're one of them, or they're like, Oh, okay.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: And then it goes a bit further, and I'm like, about the dancing, and then they find it online, and then a lot of them turn into, oh, can you just send me a little video of you doing the dance?
14:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh, have you got any that when you do like the stripties, or oh, would you do one for me?
14:43
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, that's my job.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like I'm not bringing that.
14:46
SPEAKER_01: No, first of all, get to know me.
14:48
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
14:48
SPEAKER_01: And then if I think you're worth it, I'll do it for you.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: I'll take my clothes up.
14:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you'll get it.
14:52
SPEAKER_01: You'll get the full package, sir.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: All of it.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: But until then, and also you haven't even asked me on a date, but you've asked me to send you pictures of me or videos of me dancing.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: Like, or do you want to pay for it?
15:04
SPEAKER_01: Go on OnlyFans and pay someone to do that, not giving it to you for free.
15:07
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: So that was a no-go.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: Then you've got the other criteria of the creepers from the past.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
15:14
SPEAKER_01: Who this is brilliant, just kind of like every now and then drag themselves back into my DMs or my archive on my WhatsApp.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: Just I see the little thing come up, and I'm like, which one of you is it?
15:27
SPEAKER_01: Back off.
15:28
SPEAKER_01: So I was at a stage before where I was entertaining it, and I was like, hiya.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: It's because you're just a nice person.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: Am I on my board?
15:37
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
15:38
SPEAKER_00: Could be.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: Um but I've made a real thing recently, probably the last like three months of not responding.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: Like, if I'm not interested in that person and I haven't spoken to them for three to six months prior, I'm not responding to that message.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: Like we don't, we don't have a relationship or a friendship.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: This is purely because you want to sleep with me, and it's not gonna happen.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: And Casey, some of them have wives and girlfriends.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's mad.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: That's not okay.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: That is not okay.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: We are not here for that.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: We're not those people, so for them, I don't entertain it and I don't respond, and that's on them then.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
16:14
SPEAKER_01: I feel like if I entertain it or even if I say like, oh hi, how are you?
16:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm encouraging it.
16:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that's not I don't want anything from it.
16:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm not giving them what they want from it.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, it's just a bloody minefield.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: So I also tried dating in the wild, tried speed dating.
16:31
SPEAKER_01: That was horrendous.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: That was there's so many different ways.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: How many different things that you can do now?
16:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, one at one point I was just going to cafes and sitting down, drinking a lot of coffee on my own, didn't meet anyone that way either.
16:48
SPEAKER_01: Gym, no one cares.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: Like how people are having these affairs in the gym, I'll never know because I know literally.
16:58
SPEAKER_01: No one does.
16:58
SPEAKER_01: The only people that talk to me are girls, yeah.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: And I'm sorry, love you, but no, not into me.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: Not for me, not for me.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: No, that's fair, not for me.
17:06
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, um, yeah, just considering I'm considering doing Amora Higgins where she was like celibate, no men for three years, and now she's cracked America.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: So 2029, I'll be on dancing with the stars.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: In America, you heard it here first because I've decided no more men, yeah.
17:25
SPEAKER_01: Because then you meet someone and it's great, and then they decide it doesn't work either, and then you're like, Well, like, I just don't know, you kind of lose the will a little bit.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's it, it is hard.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think at this point in our lives, I think what everyone wants is just stability.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like you want someone you can depend on, someone you can rely on, someone who makes you laugh, that you can go home to.
17:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that I don't think that's much to ask for.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: Like, whether you're in a relationship or you're single, I don't think that's much to ask for from someone else.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: And great sex.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: 100%.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: That that's gotta be part of it, right?
18:01
SPEAKER_00: Sorry, mum and dad, but yes.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: I think it is though, isn't it?
18:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is, and I think that's the key thing, isn't it?
18:06
SPEAKER_00: It makes it more of that relationship thing when you've got that intimacy side, yeah.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: You know, that is so important to have.
18:12
SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, you're just friends.
18:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I've got friends, yeah.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: Me, and we aren't allowed to cross that line.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: No, we are not allowed to cross that line.
18:21
SPEAKER_01: So I've learnt the lesson.
18:23
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, Han.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: Not crossing the line with girls, but I've learned the lesson from crossing the line with friends.
18:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that doesn't work either.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: The avenues are narrow and slim.
18:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for sure.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: Uh but onwards and upwards.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: So, what like what are you what are you doing now?
18:40
SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: Love it.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: Focusing on you.
18:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, deleted all the apps, not entertaining that.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, literally nothing, just focusing on my own life.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: And I just think, well, who was I speaking to about this?
18:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh, the woman at the hairdressers yesterday.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
18:54
SPEAKER_01: Um because the last time I was there, I was in a relationship, and she happened to be there the same time the last time I was there, and she's like, How's the man?
19:01
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, he's gone.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: So this is where we are.
19:05
SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Well, how's your life?
19:08
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, I guess okay, like there's things that I want to work on, like this is really whatever.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Well, then don't invite anyone in, don't look for anyone to come into the chaos.
19:17
SPEAKER_01: She said, You want someone to come in who will fit in with your calm, not bring the calm in because then you're relying on someone else.
19:23
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, That is true, actually.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: So true.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: So I'm just plodding along, just having a lovely time and seeing what happens.
19:32
SPEAKER_01: And if I meet the man of my dreams in Lidls, because that's the only place I go, so be brilliant.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
19:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: And it's not the cashier that tried to hit on me.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: No, I was literally about to say that.
19:45
SPEAKER_01: Because yeah, that's another so we need to be more specific when I speak to the universe.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Uh what I'm looking for manifest, yeah, and not a creepy cashier that offers to rub the sun down ocean I'm currently paying for into my back.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: Just no, no, just sell me the goods and leave me alone.
20:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, please, so yeah.
20:06
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's just you and this fine today.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: What's going on with that?
20:11
SPEAKER_01: Just say one thing.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, it's just one of those things, isn't it?
20:13
SPEAKER_01: I think there's pressure on women our age in terms of relationships, whether you're in one or not, to kind of be the glue of a relationship.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: Do you not think?
20:25
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: Do you feel that in yours?
20:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 100%.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: I think I am the glue, for sure.
20:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: I glue us together.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: I think you take it in turns to be the glue.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, true.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: No, we do.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, we do.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you provide all the parts, and Craig going, that's okay, kind of glues it all together.
20:45
SPEAKER_01: And other times you provide all, like he provides all the parts, and you're like, I'm gonna keep this all running and keep it all together.
20:51
SPEAKER_01: So that is so true.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: I think you both offer different things to it, yeah, definitely.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: But I think, like in general, women now in their late 30s plus, it's kind of like gone back in time where it's like, well, she's a spinster, and that's it.
21:08
SPEAKER_01: And she will join that heels class or that pole dancing class and she will post those videos online, and everyone will go, Oh, it'd be nice if she met someone and settled down, wouldn't it?
21:17
SPEAKER_00: Like, or you're the mum of three.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: It's like, look how great she's doing.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think it's so important, no matter what like your relationship status is, is to continuously work on yourself.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that's one thing for me.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: I've definitely noticed my relationship has got better and better the more confident I've been in myself.
21:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, because I'm not afraid to say no, I'm not like I'm not like massively insecure like I was.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: Oh god, I used to be so insecure.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: And since I've found that confidence and lost those insecurities, I know my worth and I know what I deserve.
21:56
SPEAKER_00: And Craig knows that.
21:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'll be like, right, I don't.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Want to do that?
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I don't deserve that, and you know, you do need to help out around the house more because he's so lazy, it's unbelievable.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: It's like we're we live back in the day, and you've got to like cook and clean for your man.
22:12
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
22:12
SPEAKER_00: I think some expectations just never go.
22:14
SPEAKER_00: Literally, they don't, and so I'm like, this it's just like training him to realise I'm not gonna do it all.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like absolutely not, like it's not happening.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't, I don't like want to live my life having being the one having to do everything, not happening.
22:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's not gonna happen.
22:31
SPEAKER_01: Whereas, like as a single woman, I have to do everything, and then I become hyper-independent.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: So then when someone comes in and they're like, Oh, I'll just cook a dinner, I'm like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: But I've planned it, I've bought it, I've put it in the house, I'm gonna cook it because that's what I do.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: I do everything now.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: And it's like it's learning then to hand over some of it and share some of it, you know what I mean?
22:49
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, and it's the same with the confidence thing.
22:51
SPEAKER_01: I think the longer you're on your own, the more confident you become.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: And as soon as someone new comes in, you question everything.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: Because it's like, well, how do they perceive me?
23:01
SPEAKER_01: Like, am I being too confrontational now?
23:03
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm that secure in myself.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: I know what I like, I know what I do, I know how my life works.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I've got to think about someone else now, and they've got to come into it.
23:13
SPEAKER_01: Don't get me started on the hool sleeping with someone for the first time thing again.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
23:18
SPEAKER_01: It's like being 16 all over again.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: Really?
23:21
SPEAKER_00: Just yeah.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's another podcast.
23:24
SPEAKER_00: I think that's a good another podcast episode.
23:26
SPEAKER_00: Definitely.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: Well, that was good, wasn't it?
23:30
SPEAKER_00: That was a good, good sesh talking about relationships.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, feel free if you've got any questions or any scenarios you find yourself in, or any stories of your own that you want to send in, because I feel like even as women who are married in long-term relationships, a single, we've all got yeah, different stories and different questions and different things we think about.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: If you've got advice on where I could meet a lovely man who is over five foot ten and doesn't give me the ick, that would be great.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: It would be much appreciated.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: Or how we could kick her husband into shape so that he does some chores.
24:04
SPEAKER_01: That would be really good.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: I learned to cook.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, anything to cook.
24:08
SPEAKER_00: I hate cooking.
24:09
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's really nice if he cooked Uber eats for that.
24:12
SPEAKER_00: If I say to him, I know we're we're you know thing, but if I say to him, right, I'm not cooking tonight, he's like, right, what takeaway do you want?
24:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not the answer.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: It's not the answer.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is, because I I say it when I genuinely do want a takeaway.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, yeah, okay, you can buy it as a takeaway.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: But I'm also like, oh, I just wish he would like be able to make some cool foods and yummy.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: But we'll get there.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: So any advice much appreciated.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: Send it in and uh next episode, I think.
24:41
SPEAKER_01: I think we do need to talk about sex intimacy on the next one.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think so.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: It kind of leads into it.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: Join us.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: Join us for the next one! Um, you know what we haven't done?
24:50
SPEAKER_00: What?
24:51
SPEAKER_00: Our small wind muster.
24:52
SPEAKER_00: Oh, we have to do it.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: Gratitude, what are you grateful for this week?
24:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm really grateful this week for you actually, because I feel like we've like done a whole U-turn on the body blossom side of things, and we've done so well at just kind of like channelling ourselves into the online stuff and changing it.
25:13
SPEAKER_00: And I feel really appreciated of like appreciative of you for just being on this journey with me because I know I can be a bit wild.
25:20
SPEAKER_01: Oh, thanks.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: You're so welcome.
25:22
SPEAKER_01: I'm grateful for my hairdresser.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm really glad you're doing it.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: I'm always grateful for you, but it's been seven months.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
25:30
SPEAKER_01: Going to the hairdressers yesterday, I was in there for what, two and a half hours.
25:34
SPEAKER_01: Like made me feel like a new woman.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: Really?
25:36
SPEAKER_01: I think it was just also taking those two and a half hours for myself, yeah.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: But not doing anything else, just sitting there.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: She massaged my head, it was wonderful.
25:45
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: It was just so nice, I love that.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: Like just having a chat, having a laugh, came out with lovely hair, felt great.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm grateful for.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: And what about our things that we had to do?
26:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, our challenges.
26:02
SPEAKER_01: Mine was to work on my brand.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: And I think I'm I'm getting there.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: So I think because I was like, what am I?
26:08
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm a mum, I run a business with you, I don't know what I'm doing.
26:14
SPEAKER_01: Like, what's it?
26:14
SPEAKER_01: But I thought whenever people talk about me, or whenever I tell someone about myself, I'm like, I was a teacher for this amount of time.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: And actually, I think my brand is I was a teacher.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: Like, I am someone who's left teaching, left education.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of people like me out there, or are thinking of being like me and leaving it.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: Like, that's a whole other topic that we can talk about at a different time.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: But in the same year that I left teaching, I got divorced, I moved house, I became a single mum, away from all my family and friends.
26:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm literally reinventing my entire life at the same time.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: So I think my brand is like life 2.0, starting again, like like life after teaching marriage, house and a kid.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's that, it's beyond that.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: It's but also what I take from that into the new life, and how I kind of my old life was something that was designed for me of what I should have done, and now I get to design my own.
27:07
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: So that's mine.
27:09
SPEAKER_01: Doing what I want, what makes me happy.
27:11
SPEAKER_01: And then helping other people when I can.
27:13
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
27:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's so good.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: Needs narrowing down, but in in a big nutshell, that's what it is.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: What's yours?
27:21
SPEAKER_01: So you said you were gonna try something new.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I tried this new yoga class, right?
27:25
SPEAKER_00: Right where you have to, and what it does is you have to hold positions.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: So like calisthenics.
27:32
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: It's more it's like calming, like you have to hold, like you, they they put you in like get into a position and then you have to hold it for like five to ten minutes.
27:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I felt like one, I was gonna fall asleep, kind of.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: Two, it like to begin with, my brain was on one, and three, it was actually really good because it did make me slow down and be more mindful and do more meditation.
27:59
SPEAKER_00: Well, I think that is the point of yoga, so please just like a new style of yoga which I hadn't done before, and it it was really good.
28:08
SPEAKER_00: Would you do it again?
28:09
SPEAKER_00: No, I feel like I've tried it now.
28:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, do you know what I mean?
28:14
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't for me.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: Not for you, but you tried it.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: But I tried it and it was good at the time.
28:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's good.
28:19
SPEAKER_00: Do you know?
28:20
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: So there we go, and I'm gonna try something new again before the next podcast session.
28:24
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so these new challenges is just you trying something new.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, literally.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: Lovely.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: What are you gonna do?
28:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't know.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: Maybe something in like your single life.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: Or something to do with your personal brand again.
28:39
SPEAKER_00: Like, is there anything you want to do around that?
28:43
SPEAKER_01: Do you know what I want to do this week is I want to wear clothes that make me feel something?
28:47
SPEAKER_01: Oh no.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: Just because I'm normally in like black all the time, all the time.
28:51
SPEAKER_01: And I think I've got stuff in my wardrobe that I've bought over the years thinking, oh, that looks fun, and I've never worn it because I don't like have anywhere to wear it or whatever.
28:59
SPEAKER_01: So I think this week I'm gonna set myself a challenge, and maybe I'll document it on social media.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: Good idea.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: Of just wearing something each day, whether it's a fun bag, a pair of shoes, top, whatever, that brings me joy.
29:09
SPEAKER_00: I love this.
29:10
SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm gonna do.
29:11
SPEAKER_00: So join us next week and see what's happened.
29:14
SPEAKER_00: A montage of my glue.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll just wear all of them at the same time for us next week.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
29:19
SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
29:20
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for joining us, everyone.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: We will see you soon.
29:24
SPEAKER_00: Bye.