Latest / Shared Light / Ep. 25 - The Soft Life Trend
Transcript
- Dustie & JR: Morning all. Welcome to another episode of Shared Light with Dustie and JR am obviously JR. ⁓ I'm Dustie. you doin'? Good. Same old. Yeah, it's been been a rough couple weeks. We have been well I mean we talked about it last episode, right? We've kind of prioritized mental health, ⁓ If you are watching this on YouTube or else we're on, you may or may not see a dog behind us here in little bit. she's laying down right now, you might not see her, but behind me. Yeah, she's in the room with us today 'cause ⁓ she's a very pregnant and very, very to having puppies, so all she wants to do is be near. very clingy ⁓ to you. Yeah. So just context ⁓ If you do see a dog in the background. why. That's why. On another note, are We had a lot of stuff going on. We've had a lot of stuff going on, as we mentioned. But We've been looking at ways to diversify our podcast a little bit, but really lend it to relationship, our goals, all that stuff. looking how it actually ties into ⁓ having better marriage and How it relates to some of the topics we've talked about. so my did some if you to call it that. brainstorming. Brainstorming. And we have been at growing trends, right? Yes. One that really our interest is We saw this thing on social media called the Soft Life. Yeah. Soft Life. Well, I mean you you looked it up. Why don't you let our listeners know what it entails and and we'll kinda go from there. I think it's just striving to live a slower life overall. more peace. just slowing down. you know, healthy boundaries, that's part of finding peace or finding more peace. And it really is just the slow life. Right. You know, not the hustle and bustle, not the schedules and deadlines and everybody's gonna have that. But the slow life is more about striving to have more of the slow mornings and the, intention of your everyday. Which we've been talking that a lot lately, right? really ⁓ prioritizing and protecting mental Yeah. part of that. have been in ⁓ lot of discussion here at home about away from the hustle and bustle of town, which we don't live in a huge town, but it is huge enough for us. Yeah, and it's growing like crazy. so trying to find what you could call a slower paced Yeah atmosphere. to enjoy some of those slow mornings, being able to read, you know, walks in the afternoon, choosing joy instead of choosing stress, which interesting kind of because it is something that we have been striving for for the last few weeks, with all of the and All of the chaos that's happening at home. Yeah. Really looking to for me work to live as opposed to live to work. Right. I think we've always kind of not always, but maybe the last few years have moved more toward that. But really in the last few weeks, but we've always kind of been that way anyway. Yeah, I think the inherent nature of where I grew up and the atmosphere that we grew up in, you've been here a long time. You were here before a lot of the hustle and bustle. Yeah. And it does lead to a quieter, simpler way of doing things that is not built on rush. Yeah. I think everywhere you go now, at least where we live, ⁓ people from big cities can attest to this. Everybody's always in a hurry to do everything. Yes. Whether it's going to the store, whether it's driving to work, going to somebody, there's always some kind of deadline, some kind of time restraint. Right. that really just creates stress. Yeah. part of this whole soft movement is really about Understanding and knowing when you can walk away from toxic relationships and toxic environments. Yeah. ⁓ which is a fascinating idea. Because there's a lot of positives to it. Yeah. When you think about it. There's ⁓ yeah. I mean there's pros and cons to everything. yeah. I mean I well on on the positive note, rest is healthy for you. It is, you know, studies have shown that it's good for the heart, it's good for the mind, it's good for the soul. Yep. ⁓ boundaries are super important, whether that's with relationships, whether that's with work, whether that's with children. Time. Time. again, one that I've been focusing on quite a bit is my mental health. So you know, self care matters. Yep. We need to make sure that we are able to slow down and improve our mental health. need to be intentional about taking care of ourselves. Yep. Right. ⁓ but I would venture to say that there are also concerns. Always. With everything. the flip side to that is I think people can lean into it to avoid anything that's uncomfortable. Yes. like a shield. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Or and one I would even venture to say that my daughter gets into a little bit of a mentality of, well I'm gonna quit when it gets hard. Yeah. she's getting better about that, but I I even starting her school this past year it was she was in a class where that she didn't really know anything and she just didn't want to do it. Yeah. 'Cause it was too hard. Yep. She didn't even want to try. So ⁓ there's also the other line issue is that a little bit of stress is good for people. Yeah. and one thing this can lead to is people not wanting to experience stress. Yeah. Always expecting that everything will be peaceful, so no conflict. Yeah. really only trying to do things that feel good. Which I that could talk ⁓ for about what that leads to, right? Right. Yeah, I feel like there's you need to have some of those stressors and know, some of those things happen so that you th that's how you learn ⁓ a lot. of life lessons, not just in life but in relationships and in your work. That's where you're gonna grow and that's where you're gonna learn. Yeah. Just like we talk about in our marriage. ⁓ our hard times our struggles is where we have grown the most. ⁓ don't get me wrong. it's not I'm not talking about like sheer trauma. But a little bit of stress is is Yeah. Inherently good and it helps adapt. Yeah. I think it's there's two Two sides to it. So you, know, as far as like even boundaries or timelines, deadlines, sure you need to have some of those in your life because that helps you ⁓ how to manage time and, ⁓ projects and like that. But you can also go overboard on that and and time track everything and down to a minute. Every Part of your life and every day down to the minute, a schedule for every little thing that you do. I don't like that's healthy either. Well, and there's something to be said about that, because I've ⁓ made no qualms about on this podcast that I'm a very structured, time-oriented, methodical my type of guy. Yeah. I am very scheduled in how I approach my day. Yeah. And if anything upsets that schedule It throws me off completely. So I mean there's something to be said about that flexibility within your schedule to be to shift and Yeah. getting to a point where you're so rigid and so ⁓ strictly focused on those guidelines and parameters, I mean it's detrimental because it is adding undue stress that really you're just putting on yourself at that point. Yeah. And it doesn't allow you to slow down and enjoy those slower times even, ⁓ you happy, moments, because you're always on such a schedule and a time constraint. I mean the question therein lies Apparently it's all over social media. So why do we think it is so popular? I think people are burned out. Well, and we talked about that last episode, right? People are tired. I mean, I'm tired. there's a lot of going there's a lot of stuff going on in the world right now. Yes. Outside just what's happening in your own world. And again, I'm not gonna get into the politics or anything like that, but everybody is aware that there's things going on outside of the world that they're that we are not inherently able to control. So it is leading to financial stress, it's leading to that's a big one, but that in turn starts leading to personal stress, marital stress. It compounds everything you're already dealing with. in a day to day. Yes. But it also drives a lot of feelings, I guess. Mm-hmm. the other side of that is you back ⁓ six years the pandemic hit. Yeah. ⁓ And that think shifted the mentality a lot of people. Yeah. Just made them look differently, I think, ⁓ about life in yeah. I mean you think there was not a lot of people that were not touched by the pandemic in some way or another. you believe it was or wasn't is ⁓ your right. but had a an experience that came from that. Yeah. ⁓ And also changed the perspective on I mean for sure it changed the perspective on work. Yeah. You look at work cultures now and they're completely different. Yeah, completely. I look at pre COVID and post COVID employee bases. Again, I'm in leadership, I'm in management. I've been with a couple of organizations in this time before and after. And you see people now really do focus on I be somewhere where I'm making an impact. I wanna be somewhere where I'm get paid well. Yeah. I wanna somewhere that is going to promote that work life Yes. It's not the same culture that it was before then, where it was, you know, you're working, working, working to make ends meet, to do whatever. Yeah. ⁓ people really saw that they had options, I think, during the pandemic. Yeah. and you just look at like the generations coming up after us. They're more inclined to value balance over Yeah. that is one of the things that we run into all the time is you have people in organizations, you know, my age and older running organizations that were very driven by intrinsic value. Yes. But they were very motivated by wanting to do a good job, wanting to, you know, move up in a company, wanting to all of these things that that helped drive this narrative of moving up the corporate ladder, yada yada yada, all that stuff. And you have people coming in now that they want to make decent money and have good vacation that they can experience the world. Yeah. it's not necessarily about dedicating your life to an organization. It's about doing what you are going to do to make your life better. That's what I was gonna say. I think the difference is is that you know, our generation and before so much about this is just what you do. You ⁓ your all into your work and your company and what you do and that is your value in life. what gives you that value. You're a hard worker and you're committed and you're loyal. And now I feel like it's shifted and it's more the value is not from work. But from what you make of your life. Yeah. Whether it be at home, in your relationships, ⁓ who you are, what you're doing, you that's more the focus nowadays. rather than the work that you're doing. Yeah. I mean you're not tied to your career anymore. the way past generations were. Yep. ⁓ even ⁓ myself I find That that drives a lot of my motivations is wanting to do just a good job. But I have to consistently remind myself that not everybody is of that same mindset. And as the generations change, generationally they have different set of values, different set of beliefs, different set of things that motivators that drive their aspirations in where they're headed in life. Yeah. scary thing about that is that some organizations are very much stuck in status quo and you start running into issues with, turnover employee ⁓ absenteeism. just Toxic work environments, toxic cultures at work. So but again, that's another topic for another episode. Really, this is just highlighting what driving this soft life. Yeah. ⁓ and you know the I think the biggest one that has really come into the over the past, five I would say five ish years is people really more open about talking about mental health. Yes. it was a very taboo subject, I remember when I was growing up. Yep. ⁓ but now it's everywhere. Yeah. which is again, that could be both good and bad. Yeah. I think it's good. I think there's been a huge Movement. the last ten, fifteen years of people being able to just address it but openly talk about it ⁓ have to relate to that are going through the same thing. And that part of it is a good part because you're able to you don't have to it in. You have to keep it to yourself all the time. And that creates stress that creates, a whole of things that are not good. So to continue on the subject, I find this one a little bit fascinating because it is very counterintuitive to how I operate. Because I feel like everybody needs adversity, everybody needs some kind of challenge in their life. A little bit of stress never hurt anybody. However, do see the value in At least the good aspects of of this lifestyle, right? would agree that there is a difference between rest and laziness. Yeah. Because you should allow yourself time to rest. I very conflicted on that part because there are times when I am resting or to just deal with whatever I'm with, but I feel very guilty. Yeah. Because you're feeling lazy. Yeah, because I feel like I'm being lazy. Right. I would say that the of setting boundaries is very healthy. The being able to say no, being able to that's a hard one. That was a hard one for me most of my life. ⁓ And they're necessary for your again, for your mental health, for your own well being. you get a point where you're not able to say no or set those boundaries and you're taking on other people's ⁓ problems you have no business taking on sometimes. Yeah. you know, help ⁓ therapy is helpful. we've put my daughter in into therapy Dustie has done some therapy. Yep. mean, it's it's a helpful tool and it's not something that should be stigmatized by any means. So I mean those are all things that I I would agree with. Yeah. Spending time ⁓ family is crucial. would say it's crucial. One of our most important for us personally. And now would say ⁓ The I wonder If I could change one thing. The I mean I guess I I don't even wonder. I I have changed a few things in my life that I feel like are making me happier and healthier, right? I think back though, as I'm thinking on the subject right now, different my life would have been sh if I would have allowed myself to do that, you know, ten years ago. Yeah. Would we be where we're at? Where would we be further along? Would we f be further behind? It's an interesting conundrum, but You have to ask, what's one thing that you can change or that you've have changed. Yeah. That truly makes your life better. Yeah. I think the biggest one for us has been that intention that we have and the the boundaries that we've set. Yeah. ⁓ not just with each other, but with, where our marriage lies versus everything else around it. Right. But it took me a while to learn that. Yeah. For sure. Because for me, for the longest time, I'm of that generation where, you know, all we do we gotta work. You gotta work to get anywhere in life, you gotta work to Yeah, work was the priority and then you just kinda built your life around that. And so i if something that you've known your whole life and you were taught or you're shown or that's what you know, that's what we grew up in. That's what everybody did. hard to look at something different, especially something that's opposite of what you know. Which the soft life is opposite of that. it can be looked at as laziness ⁓ or you have to do these things or ⁓ be this way or and that's a hard to transition when you only know one way or one. perspective or one outlook. I would venture to guess that a lot of people our age, which I'm not gonna date myself on here, but ⁓ those of you that know, you know. share very similar mindset. Yeah. I see it all the time ⁓ in organizations I work in. Yeah. ⁓ And I think people I mean, I think for us we didn't really realize it or navigate towards it until started seeing how much it changed for us once we started implementing some of those things. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and then we were like, ⁓ yeah. ⁓ know, especially for me. ⁓ just setting boundaries and saying no ⁓ and people things or once I started that. I had a lot more freedom or, ⁓ lot less stress on myself. I had a lot more time to put into ⁓ our family and our life and our marriage, So then the question then becomes we're gonna go too far. Because there is a lot of pros to it. I mean we're talking about a lot of ⁓ right now. Yeah. But then we run into some of those issues that also come up in marriage, right? you avoiding difficult conversations? Because don't want it to be hard? Are you quitting something too quickly because you don't want to adversity, have difficulty? Is there a point when you protecting your peace becomes an excuse? Yeah. I mean And like I said, you have growth unless you ⁓ go through hard time. And we've talked I mean we've talked about that just in the gym, right? Yeah. we have to psych ourselves up into we can do hard things because I I'll be honest, you know, sometimes Those sessions they don't feel good. No. And you feel good after. But you do it to grow and you do it to get better and over time it does your body does adapt and you do see the gains. Yeah. you know, ask yourself. Have you ever avoided something because it felt uncomfortable? All the time, yeah. I mean nobody wants to do what's uncomfortable. I don't think that's your first go to is like, yeah, let me go do this because I know it's gonna be hard and I know it's gonna be super uncomfortable. But again, it's that That difference in mindset of Yeah. I guess you're choosing comfort over peace. So what is the difference? Something could be comfortable. Yeah. It's not necessarily good for you. Yeah. because comfort generally means that it's very easy, very familiar, yep, and very safe. It's safe. It's your safe zone. which is not where we and move forward and get better. Right. I would contrast that by saying that peace Is not necessarily easy, but it can exist during difficult situations. Yeah. It comes from knowing who you are and it does not depend on the circumstance. Yeah. The circumstances that you're in. So that is something that we have recently, that particularly in case, to tie it back into what this podcast has been for. Yeah. Marriage can be extremely hard sometimes. Yes. You will have your hard seasons. Yeah. But you can still be at peace. It's still peaceful. You know, healing from painful situations. We've talked about how I've hurt her or she's hurt me. But we're still at peace. Mm-hmm. And we were at peace, maybe not in the moment. Yeah. But We sought peace from it. Right. Parenting for you parents out there. Yeah. You know that it can be exhausting. You know that it can be difficult. But it is the most peaceful thing that you do in life see your kids grow. Yep. Which ⁓ Nobody tells you how hard parenting's gonna be. likes to tell you about how great it is and how Yeah. And it is. It's amazing. Yeah. It's the most amazing thing ⁓ I will ever do in life. Yeah. But that does not make it any less hard. ⁓ So again, to tie that back into we are today. ⁓ I'm in a very soft season right now. Yeah. You know, stresses that extenuating circumstances of some things that I got going on. Finances. A dog in the background who's ready to have some puppies. ⁓ through it all. I have remained peaceful and I have remained of the mentality that this is meant to teach me something. just like there are highs, there are lows, and they're all temporary. Yep. To your point, it can't rain all the time. Right. That's what I say. So ⁓ On the other side of this it'll be something that I'm thankful that I didn't just give up and go do. Yeah. first inclination of things to go do when things get hard. Right. Looking at How I have also shifted this opportunity into setting some boundaries around some things. I think has also helped at least. ⁓ And I don't want to get into too much, but it is that is a continual challenge and you're gonna face challenges throughout your life. As come up, life will life. Yep. Always. But The biggest takeaway is that there's always A rainbow at the end of the the rainstorm. Is that how the saying goes? Yeah. It just it you come out of it, even if it's not a hundred times better, you at least come out of it with a lesson. ⁓ You learn something and you can grow from it. two years ago was probably in one of the worst times I ever been in my mental health. now think if I wouldn't have gone through it and and ⁓ grown it, so many lessons in that from so many things that learned and had to work through just in my, relationship with kids and my relationship with you ⁓ and It helped me to understand myself better. It helped me to set boundaries with other people and myself. So it may not be a hundred percent better. It may not be, a hundred times better than it was before, but I have a lot that I've taken from it and I've learned from it and things that I'm growing learning from it. Well and I would That whether you want to look at it from that lens or not, but a lot of the conversations that we've had since then would not have happened if you would have not entered that space. Right. We would not be sitting here having this conversation right now if you had not been in that space. We probably wouldn't have ninety percent of the conversations that we have now. I mean not to say that that is that you went through it or anything, but to your point, there is something to be taken from everything that you go through in life. ⁓ again, our situation right now will pass and it'll be something that we learn from and it'll be something that ultimately will make us better in the end, one way or another. Whether that means we'll have ⁓ a stronger family life, maybe not financially but We know that through this we've gotten tighter as a family. We're doing more with the kids, we're spending more time with them, we're talking to them more openly about things that are going on. Mm-hmm. And they have responded in a way that has been positive. Yeah. So that might be the lesson. We've also really leaned into our extended family that we're really close with and built those relationships and worked through those relationships more and I would say have been more intentional about those well. the more we get stressors coming in from the outside. it's kind that circle the wagons motif ⁓ you where you're getting attacked from outside and now it's time to just take care of your own for a minute. Yeah. ⁓ But to get back to the conversation, I mean I would ask, what does peace look like for you? think peace for me is Just a feeling of knowing. Even if it's hard, even if it's good, even if it's It's safe. It's still safe for me. And that's my peace, is that you're still safe. We're still safe. The kids are safe. It's foundation in life is safe. And that's what brings me peace. Even when level ten hard. What does look like for you? I would say for me it looks like I mean a lot of the same. That you and the kids are healthy, that you and the kids are have a roof over your head. That no matter what comes the line, I us. Yeah. And Again, th I lean into that I know that this is temporary. just that understanding for me gives me peace. Yeah. Even when I'm stressed out. Yeah. So the other side of that would be do you think our culture avoids discomfort? I think I think so. mean, it's hard to say overall, but I said before, nobody's gonna choose the discomfort, And so I think people it as as they they would rather avoid it than go through it and the lesson. I think Culturally. And again, I'm not big on politics, I'm not big but just culturally. And I even look at it like with my kids. We have conditioned generations after us to not have the same experiences that we have had. Yeah. Whether that's because We think we're making things better, or in my case, I don't want my kids to see the same struggles that I had. Yeah. because it I mean it doesn't feel good to go through hard times. And so you I don't think anybody wants that for their kids. So I think without and I'm not blaming anybody or I'm not by any means that anybody is wrong. I just think ⁓ That generationally Parents and generations have a tendency to that ⁓ they just grow. Like you're always my driver, always, always. I want to make sure that my kids have a better life than I had. Yeah. not that I had a bad life or a bad childhood. Yeah. But that is irrelevant. I still want them to have a better life than I had. Right. And I think if you think about the relationships and the people in your life, a majority of those people have that same mentality. They don't want you to have the same struggles. They don't want you to worry what it's it feels like to be hungry, what it what it feels like to have to go out and work or do whatever to make ends meet or have to worry about having hot water. whatever the situation is. Yeah. And that's hard because you don't want that for them, but you also want them to learn the lessons from that. Like want them to learn the lesson without having them go through it. And I'm bad about that because I don't want my kids to hurt and I don't want my kids to feel a certain way. ⁓ Yeah, it's that old adage. don't know what getting burned feels like ⁓ unless you get burned. ⁓ But I don't want to get burned. Right. Yeah. And it's Again, I I don't think it's something that culturally we do ⁓ like to say or to build a generation that is soft. Yeah. I think and I've heard it said well, What is that? Hard times lead to hard men. Hard men soft times, soft times build or something like that, right? Essentially that you go hard things, you create that adversity, you build all of that and adapt to all of that. You create a world that is not like that anymore, but in turn you change your world into one that does not have any of those hard times. So people don't understand what it is to have that. Right. And they in turn end up creating that hard time. And I think I mean, that happens without you even realizing it, I think. and you could probably look at I mean I'm sure you could look at studies that show the way societies ebb and flow that way, but yeah. You know, I I think about it just when we talk about like some of the meals that your grandma used to make you. Mm-hmm. And how off the wall they were. then you think back and she was a product of like being a child and during the Depression when they could only eat certain things and do certain things. So they they had to figure yeah figure it out. and that in turn led to ⁓ the after where they're not eating any of that. They're eating better meals and so ⁓ It's an interesting dynamic, but I do think that people ⁓ to avoid discomfort. Yeah. Again, I see it at in industry, I see it at work, I see it just in the way some things happen. People avoid conversations because don't wanna make somebody mad, they don't wanna hurt somebody's feelings, they don't want ⁓ conflict, they don't want all of the negatives with that, ⁓ even the eventual outcome is probably gonna be greater. Yeah. Yeah, nine times out of ten it will be. It's again one of those things where I don't think soft life is inherently a bad thing. No, ⁓ I there just needs to be balance. Yeah. I mean it's not necessarily that when you're at peace there are no problems because you can be at peace even with all the problems in the world. I mean we're at peace, but we're going through a hard time. Yeah. Yeah. But we're still at peace. I mean you've touched on it quite a bit. Growth happens in the most uncomfortable seasons. I mean that's when you adapt, that's when you learn, that's when you are willing to do what you gotta do to build that resiliency. Yeah. And rest and resiliency can exist together. Yep. You can be resilient and be at rest. Yep. so ⁓ to just end my thoughts here. I would say ⁓ That again this soft life is not an inherently bad thing. really I'm speaking to people my generation, right? Yeah. Because that ⁓ have up knowing the complete opposite. Right. Because I am the one that has also ⁓ looked I mean, look at my little brothers and how different their mentalities are versus mine. Mm-hmm. And they're a generation difference right there. Mm-hmm. And it's not inherently bad what they do, it's just different. They have a different mindset. They grew up with different values, different perspective on life. a healthy life isn't about avoiding hardship necessarily, but it's about having the tools to navigate it, support it, understand how to get through it. Yep. And into slowing down and prioritizing the things that give you peace. Yeah. It's not a bad thing. No. I think it's important to kind of how we've shifted our life and our focus. There's gonna be hard times. It's just inevitable. It's gonna they're gonna come, they're gonna go. But the main foundation of it is I mean, I feel like we do lead a soft life, you know, in those times that in every aspect that you can down. Be intentional, like we always say. That's what's gonna help you through The hard times, the difficult times, the hardships. ⁓ Yeah, would venture to say that a soft life is something you should aspire to when things get hard. Mm-hmm. Because it does keep you intentional. It does keep you grounded. Yep. It does help you prioritize the things that are ⁓ important. Yep. And when things are looking up is when you should ⁓ actively those harder times, That conflict, those stressors, those things that will help you adapt and get better and grow. been telling it to my beautiful wife for the last few days, you know, maybe everything that we're going through, everybody says that you l ⁓ as you start to level up, things get really hard right before you level up. So maybe that's what maybe that's what this is. Yeah. And maybe not, but at the end of the day, we still have each other, we still have the kids, we still have everything that is important in our life. And Material things come and go. we are at peace with where we are in life right now and that's the most important. Yep. So hopefully guys got some value from this conversation. if have not read up ⁓ or a lot on the soft life trend, I do encourage you to do your own research. I leave you with a question ⁓ of, what do you guys think? It is to have a soft life and you see value in it? So with that, I wish you all a blessed week. Please keep sharing your light and we catch you on the next one.