Latest / The Lesbian Loudmouth Podcast / Quiet Rage

Transcript

Quiet Rage · The Lesbian Loudmouth Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello, friends. I say that, but I don't really have friends, like on the whole.
• 0:05
  I know you know that, and I know you know why, but here we are.
• 0:09
  Here we are just the same, right? Okay, what did I want to tell you about?
• 0:12
  I want to talk about menopause again, because it's killing me.
• 0:15
  It's, man, you know I hate to be responsible for my own actions,
• 0:20
  right? So that, like, in a sense, this is perfect.
• 0:23
  But, yeah, I've made an appointment to go back and see my doctor two years later. I think I need more.
• 0:30
  Of everything. I'll take whatever the fuck they have, whatever,
• 0:33
  any hormone. Any hormone is a good hormone for me right now.
• 0:36
  I feel depleted. I feel rageful.
• 0:40
  And I've had a disappointing experience at work.
• 0:44
  And I don't want to go on and on, but we have this new system where we don't
• 0:49
  have a truck assigned to our own individual route anymore. Every day we get
• 0:53
  allocated a different truck with different keys.
• 0:56
  You know, how different vehicles have different keys.
• 1:00
  Right? Okay, you're welcome. But yeah. And the past six months that this has
• 1:05
  been happening, a rage has been growing and burning inside of me.
• 1:09
  Because everything about my job, every single aspect has been done by seniority.
• 1:14
  But this, however, is not. And for whatever reason, we're made to run,
• 1:20
  not literally, but it's first come first served.
• 1:23
  And it makes me very upset. And I just, you know, I don't like it.
• 1:30
  I get really irritated because people that have almost no seniority just get
• 1:36
  themselves organized right in front of the box.
• 1:38
  That way, when the box opens, they're right there.
• 1:41
  And I just, yeah. So what's my problem? Right. What do I care?
• 1:46
  Well, there's a really huge parking lot.
• 1:49
  And because I'm not getting myself ready right in front of the key box I don't
• 1:53
  know when it's opening and then all the people that have been there much much
• 1:57
  less than I am get the good trucks right in front of the door and I get the
• 2:01
  truck in the way back parking lot,
• 2:04
  that inevitably has like Dorito crumbs all over it and I don't want to walk
• 2:07
  back there and I feel the rage in my heart because you know overall I am a community-minded person.
• 2:15
  I just, I cannot stand me first, people. I just can't stand it. It really bothers me.
• 2:21
  Call it ADHD, call it whatever the fuck you want, but I have a very strong sense
• 2:26
  of right and wrong for some things, unless I'm guilty, in which case it's very
• 2:30
  ambiguous, you know, up to interpretation in that regard.
• 2:33
  But my point is, I'm not proud of myself, okay? I didn't do this productively,
• 2:39
  but one day I was at the back of the line again.
• 2:41
  I got the truck in the back of the parking lot again, and I said,
• 2:45
  guys, like, this is not fair. Like, I'm sorry, everything else is done by seniority.
• 2:50
  And this is done by proximity.
• 2:52
  This is ridiculous. And I looked at my male co workers, not that they're not
• 2:56
  that their male matters, but that's what they are.
• 2:59
  And I had discussed this previously with my other senior co workers.
• 3:03
  And they're like, Yeah, this isn't fair. Like, it makes no sense.
• 3:06
  And of course, I took it upon myself to bear the brunt of it,
• 3:10
  because it really does bother me.
• 3:12
  And I looked at them all of them junior and we're outnumbered because I start
• 3:15
  late because it works better for my family if I start late and I said just there's
• 3:20
  10 of us can the 10 of us just line up by seniority so that this is fair,
• 3:25
  and no one would look at me which.
• 3:28
  I hate to use the word triggered because you know I'm old but it's that's one
• 3:32
  of those things that really gets me because my whole childhood it's like I was
• 3:35
  a ghost in the room like I would have,
• 3:37
  full conversations and no one would acknowledge anything I was saying.
• 3:41
  So it's not their fault. They don't know that. And plus, you know,
• 3:43
  hysterical woman. I mean, they can't burn me at the torch anymore or like drown
• 3:46
  me and see if I float. Like they can't.
• 3:49
  Worked me at the stake story. I just got excited. I thought about it.
• 3:52
  Honestly, right now being chased down by pitchforks and torch holding countrymen
• 3:59
  sounds good. Like, let's just put an end to this.
• 4:02
  I'm not having fun. And so they
• 4:04
  continued to be like, oh, and no one would look at me or acknowledge me.
• 4:08
  I'm like, guys, like, this isn't fair. Like, it's not fair that the people that
• 4:12
  have been here the least are getting to the front of the line. It's just not fair.
• 4:15
  And they just would not acknowledge me. and I just was getting more and more
• 4:19
  angry. And then I just, I don't know, I went on a three minutes verbal tirade and-
• 4:25
  The next day we had a big meeting and the big meeting, the big boss said,
• 4:28
  keys are not handed out by seniority. And then a cheer went up.
• 4:32
  And I don't know, man, I saw black. I didn't say anything. I'm like,
• 4:36
  I better shut the fuck up or I'm just going to get fired. So I didn't I didn't say anything.
• 4:40
  But I'm going to tell you because nobody listens to this.
• 4:42
  And I can be totally honest, like I've been on a lot of strikes.
• 4:47
  I have walked a lot of picket lines. I remember back in, I think it was 2011,
• 4:52
  when we went on strike to try to stop, there's like this two tiered wage system
• 4:57
  that they had wanted to implement, where longtime,
• 5:00
  employees would make a certain amount, but any newcomer that got hired after
• 5:04
  that contract would be paid much less per hour.
• 5:08
  And we tried we tried to stop that and then that that strike we got mandated
• 5:12
  back to work which we always do and the conservative government robbed us blind
• 5:17
  like we lost all of our sick time like we used to get 15 and a quarter sick days a year,
• 5:23
  and then it went down to seven and we were no longer allowed to bank our time
• 5:27
  like for this wrist i broke,
• 5:29
  for example if this would have happened 30 years ago i probably would have had
• 5:32
  a whack ton of sick time in the bank and i would have just used that and gotten
• 5:36
  full pay without any headache.
• 5:39
  Because it would have been there but because we went on strike partially because
• 5:43
  of protecting provisions for new hires that all that sick time was gone and
• 5:47
  we just got six days back uh during covid and it's now in our new contract but that was i don't,
• 5:54
  know 10 11 yeah 10 years we went with just seven days sick time per year and
• 5:59
  you can only carry over five.
• 6:01
  Ah you know and yeah like and that's just one contract every contract they've
• 6:06
  been like they're trying to go after a lot of things for new hires like their
• 6:09
  pension and all these things on top of a mountain of other things for sure but,
• 6:14
  i that's what's going through my head i'm like i'm thinking to myself i have
• 6:17
  done without we all have done without so that these people could have before they even got here.
• 6:24
  And they get here and then they say me first and then they cheer that our seniority
• 6:31
  is devalued for the most important tool that we use every day.
• 6:35
  And I just thought to myself, like, if this were 15 years ago,
• 6:39
  and I were sitting in their spot, right, with almost no seniority,
• 6:42
  and the senior guys had come to me or to my generation and said, hey, this isn't fair.
• 6:48
  Can we just have a gentleman's agreement amongst ourselves to line up by seniority?
• 6:52
  Because like, we could do that.
• 6:54
  The supervisor doesn't care how he doles out the keys, just that it's his job
• 7:00
  to dole out the keys. If we wanted to, we could line ourselves up any which
• 7:03
  way we want. It does not make a difference to anyone but us.
• 7:06
  And yeah, nobody wants to.
• 7:10
  I came the next day and the next day and the next day and they just didn't look at me.
• 7:14
  And they high-fived each other after that meeting and they laughed when the
• 7:18
  guy said that there's no seniority for keys.
• 7:21
  And I, you know, I think a normal person would be like, oh, well,
• 7:25
  but I just, I don't have it in me anymore to pretend that I'm cool and to make things easy for people.
• 7:33
  I'm not going to do that this time because this, like, I don't know that it
• 7:36
  should, but it really bothers me that the most junior people are getting in line at the very front.
• 7:44
  When they don't deserve to be there. Like, does that make sense?
• 7:47
  I don't know that I'm expressing this right.
• 7:49
  But I just, I just could not imagine looking at someone who has 20 years seniority
• 7:54
  on me and saying, actually, me first, I know you've given up something or something
• 7:58
  back there, or some junk, but actually,
• 8:01
  I'm going to get in line ahead of you, not because I deserve to be here, but because I can,
• 8:05
  because I need a rule to tell me to be a good person.
• 8:08
  Like, I think I'm overreacting. I think I am, but I don't care because I don't,
• 8:13
  I don't abide me first people and I'm not going to do it. Like I'm not going to pretend.
• 8:17
  If I have to walk to the back of the parking lot every fucking day,
• 8:19
  I'm going to do it, but I'm going to do it silently and awkwardly and make everyone
• 8:24
  around me a little bit uncomfortable.
• 8:26
  All right. Well, that's, that's that. I mean, yeah, cool.
• 8:32
  There's not enough estrogen and progesterone in the fucking universe to get me through 2026.
• 8:38
  This has been one of the worst years of my entire life.
• 8:42
  Who's with me? Okay. But on the bright side, hey, I made some pretty nice pizza.
• 8:47
  And don't email me and ask me for a pic of it, okay?
• 8:51
  I'm not going to show you. I won't show you my beautiful pizza. I won't.
• 8:54
  The rage-filled pizza is a pretty good pizza. All right? Okay.
• 8:58
  I don't have anything else to tell you, though. You're welcome.
• 9:01
  Oh, my mom's foot is fully healed.
• 9:03
  My crazy sister is in town. I haven't seen my mom in a month because my crazy sister's been here.
• 9:09
  And I refuse to go there because she's going to Venus flytrap me.
• 9:12
  Like, she's just going to lay in wait and then snap shut. And then I'll be stuck.
• 9:15
  And she'll block all the exits at once somehow because she's a fucking evil cunt.
• 9:19
  And and yeah and that's where we're at and i've got to think really hard here
• 9:23
  and no one in winnipeg when you are in a merging lane they don't let you in
• 9:28
  it's this really fun game we play with each other called drive right beside
• 9:32
  the person trying to merge,
• 9:34
  it's really fun i like it i like it that that thrill you get when you think
• 9:38
  oh man am i gonna hit that barricade because this cunt just won't let me in
• 9:41
  because he doesn't feel like it it's fun highly recommend it it's free adrenaline and rush. Yeah.
• 9:46
  Anyway. All right. I'm sorry. I don't know why I went on and on about that,
• 9:50
  but I did. Oh, another awkward, terrible thing I did.
• 9:54
  I have watched my son play basketball for many years now, like three years now
• 9:57
  and God bless them, but their team fucking sucks.
• 10:00
  And it's hard to watch them play basketball for that many years.
• 10:05
  And it's expensive. Like it's
• 10:06
  400 bucks a session. And I don't feel like they get any real coaching.
• 10:10
  And after all these years, They played a really terrible game last Sunday.
• 10:14
  And I have to really try to hold it together to not scream obscenities because...
• 10:19
  Yeah, I don't know, man. I guess. I don't know. I don't know,
• 10:23
  man. Like, they're terrible.
• 10:26
  Don't worry. I bet you they all think that they could beat a professional women's
• 10:30
  team. I'm almost positive they all think they could.
• 10:33
  But that's fine. That's all right. Let go, let go. Right? WNBA outrage was last
• 10:37
  year. This year I'm on keys now.
• 10:39
  And okay, so I could not, it was a bloodbath. Like, they don't,
• 10:44
  I don't know if you, if you're basketball people, I'm barely a basketball person,
• 10:48
  but I played a little bit.
• 10:49
  I have a little bit of knowledge. Okay, not much, but enough.
• 10:53
  All these kids need to do, and I've told Malcolm this, I think 600 times,
• 10:58
  keep them out of the paint.
• 11:00
  Don't let them get near the rim. No layups for these kids. You have to force
• 11:06
  them out to shoot from outside.
• 11:09
  All these kids can do is layup. Almost nobody can shoot. Honest to Christ. It's like amazing.
• 11:14
  So they just let them in. Layup after layup after layup after layup.
• 11:18
  It's like, oh my god, dude. Like, get in the fucking way. Just stand there.
• 11:22
  All you have to do is stand there.
• 11:24
  Do some jazz hands. Anything. Don't make it so fucking easy.
• 11:27
  Like, it was bad. So bad that I thought, if I get on the court, I will improve this.
• 11:31
  With my broken wrist and my fat old body, I would be a help to them. That's how bad they are.
• 11:37
  And I go up to the coach after the game, and I was like, hey,
• 11:40
  can I help? And I didn't want to do it.
• 11:44
  I didn't want to offer. And I'm like, can I help? What can I do to help you during practices?
• 11:49
  Could I want to drill for you or something? And I meant this as you tell me
• 11:53
  what to do, and I will do it so that you have more time to help these kids because
• 11:58
  they don't know how to play basketball.
• 12:00
  Like they get the rudimentary bits of it,
• 12:03
  ball in basket but they don't actually understand defense in any way shape or
• 12:07
  form but i didn't say that and he's like actually no we're good and i'm like
• 12:11
  okay no problem he's like yeah i see what you're saying though you know but we're good,
• 12:15
  and i'm like okay then because like you're not good your team fucking sucks
• 12:20
  you have no defense you've been coaching these kids for how long and they can't
• 12:24
  fucking play but yeah you're good yeah keep going,
• 12:27
  good maybe you could like draw the other team a map so they know exactly,
• 12:31
  how to do a layup and maybe tell the kids not to stop dribbling the fucking ball,
• 12:35
  when they have it and then maybe tell them not to pass like 11 times and then
• 12:40
  get the ball stolen every fucking time they have the ball maybe you could pass
• 12:44
  that along too what do you think i fucking hate myself so much you guys i cannot handle this,
• 12:49
  you see what i mean so like now i've been like rejected at work by a bunch of.
• 12:54
  Never mind okay there are good people i'm the problem. I am the problem. I am the problem.
• 12:59
  I have a strong sense of right and wrong and I've decided I'm right and they're
• 13:02
  wrong and I'm mad about it and I'm sure they're on their podcast talking about
• 13:07
  how the old hag wants to go buy seniority because it benefits her. That's not the point.
• 13:12
  Hey, the point is that people that are senior to you made sacrifices so that
• 13:16
  you could have what you have.
• 13:17
  Just like, hey, 1981 or fucking whatever,
• 13:22
  a predominantly male Canada Post workforce went on strike for 42 days so that
• 13:29
  women on our workforce could have a maternity leave. That's community-minded.
• 13:35
  They got it, right? They didn't say, me first, I don't have a uterus.
• 13:40
  I don't give a fuck if people get maternity leave. No.
• 13:43
  They said, hey, we should get this.
• 13:45
  All female members deserve this. The spouses of our male members deserve this.
• 13:50
  And guess what happened. All of Canada, because of that action,
• 13:54
  gets maternity leave now.
• 13:56
  Oh, hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a bad person. I don't know why
• 14:00
  I keep bringing this up. Like you need a history lesson.
• 14:02
  All right. Anyway, I'm sorry. I'm going to really debate on if I should put
• 14:06
  this up or not because I think it's just kind of ragey, bitchy stuff.
• 14:09
  But hey, if you were also menopausal or perimenopausal, there is a TikTok lady.
• 14:15
  She runs a TikTok. I think it's called the We Do Not Care Club. And it's for us. Okay.
• 14:21
  Like, and she has a podcast now with the same name. And I listened to a few episodes yesterday.
• 14:25
  And I was like oh my god these are all the fucking things that are happening
• 14:28
  to me thinning hair fucking big check on that one rage check itchy ears check,
• 14:34
  coochie issues well my coochie's fine but nobody needed to hear that nobody
• 14:37
  I'm sorry I said that to you that was disgusting but yeah man like,
• 14:41
  I don't know I I'm just glad I don't have to raw dog this but this rage this
• 14:47
  quiet simmering rage that's just ready to like fucking pop off at any given
• 14:52
  time for any fucking reason.
• 14:54
  This is how I felt before I started the hormone replacement.
• 14:57
  I'm guessing I need a little more because my periods are, I think, eight weeks apart now.
• 15:03
  Anyway, hang in there, guys. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but I think I'm not sure.
• 15:10
  I mean, maybe I win the lottery and then it gets better. Better for all of us
• 15:12
  because if I win the lottery, I'll stop fucking doing this and then we'll all be happy. All right.
• 15:16
  Listen, if you need anything, change address pod at gmail.com do not ask me
• 15:20
  for photos of my pizza whatever you do okay all the new listers that have gone
• 15:24
  on board the past like three weeks i don't know what happened they are probably bots,
• 15:27
  but yeah you know what don't email me i hate it and if you have pictures of
• 15:31
  your pizza don't send it to me okay don't,
• 15:34
  i hate like enjoying someone else's success and then complimenting them on it don't do it okay,
• 15:39
  all right kate i love you i'm sorry this was tedious and awful and you can really
• 15:43
  see why i have no friends okay god bless i hope i have the patience to just
• 15:48
  be quiet and not be mean today. All right, okay.
• 15:52
  Okay, love you, bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.