Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Handle the Pressure to Be Perfect
Transcript
- Lucas: So there's this moment, maybe a few weeks into your first management role, when you realize the job doesn't just ask for your best—it asks for your perfect. Every email you send, every decision you make, every word of feedback you give feels like it's under a microscope. And the thought that keeps you up at night is: if I get this wrong, it's not just a mistake—it's proof I don't belong here. Luna: Oh, that's painfully familiar. I remember my first month managing, I rewrote a project update email three times because I was terrified the VP would think I was sloppy. And then I realized no one even read it that closely. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the core of perfectionism in management—it's not about high standards, it's about fear. Fear that any crack in the facade will undermine your authority or expose you as a fraud. The problem is, that fear doesn't just exhaust you, it also makes you a worse manager. Luna: How so? I mean, doesn't over-checking your work show you care? Lucas: It does, up to a point. But it also slows everything down. Your team sees you second-guessing, and they start to mirror that. They start over-polishing their own work, which compounds the delay. And it teaches them that perfection is the expected standard, which is a recipe for burnout across the whole team. Luna: So it's like you're not just managing your own perfectionism, you're infecting the team with it. Lucas: Right. And that's why it's so important to address it early, in your first 90 days, because patterns you set now become the team's culture. If you're constantly revising and re-revising, they'll think that's normal. But if you model 'good enough is sometimes the right call,' they'll feel more comfortable taking smart risks. Luna: Okay, but how do you actually tell the difference between something that needs to be perfect and something that's fine good enough? Is there a rule of thumb? Lucas: There is, and it's borrowed from a concept called 'the tolerance stack.' Think about it like engineering: you only need tight tolerances on parts that actually fit together. In management, that means identifying which of your tasks have real consequences if they're slightly off—like a salary decision, or a compliance issue, or a message to a key client. Those need precision. But a deck for a team meeting? The exact wording of an internal update? Those are looser tolerance. They just need to be clear and accurate, not elegant. Luna: So the first step is literally making two columns: 'must be perfect' and 'good enough is fine.' Lucas: Yes, and you'd be surprised how much falls into the second column if you actually do this exercise. Try it for a week: every time you start to redo something, ask yourself—'If this is 95 percent right, does the world end?' And then force yourself to ship it at 95 percent if the answer is no. Luna: But what about the emotional side? Even if I logically know a deck is fine, I still feel that itch to tweak it. How do you coach yourself through that? Lucas: That's where I lean on a little psychology. There's a well-known effect called the spotlight effect—it's the tendency to overestimate how much other people notice and remember about us. Psychologists found that people think way more people notice a bad t-shirt or a awkward comment than actually do. Same thing applies to your work. You think everyone's scrutinizing that sentence you rewrote ten times, but honestly, your boss is probably just scanning for typos and moving on. Luna: That's comforting. So when I'm panicking over a comma, I should remind myself that no one's going to remember that comma by next week. Lucas: Exactly. And to tie it back to management, think about what your team's actually watching. They're not watching how polished your slides are—they're watching how you treat people, how you make decisions, how you handle conflict. Those are the high-tolerance areas. The deck is low-tolerance. Luna: Alright, so let's say I've sorted my tasks, and I'm trying to ship at 95 percent. But there's this one thing I just can't let go of—like a crucial email to my boss about a sensitive topic. It feels high-stakes. How do you handle those? Lucas: That's genuinely high-tolerance, so it deserves extra care. But perfectionism doesn't mean you never spend time on those. It means you don't spend the same amount of time on everything. So for that email, sure, read it twice, maybe have a peer give it a quick look. But then set a deadline for yourself. Say, 'I'm sending this by 3 PM, period.' The deadline prevents you from spiraling. Luna: That's a good technique. But what if the perfectionism is coming from a deeper place—like you're scared that if you make a mistake, your team will lose respect for you? How do you rebuild that trust when you do slip up? Lucas: That's the thing—mistakes can actually build trust if you handle them right. When you admit a mistake plainly and say what you're doing about it, you show your team that it's safe to be imperfect. That's a huge gift. It's the opposite of what most new managers think, which is 'I have to appear infallible.' But in reality, pretending you never err just makes you seem out of touch. Luna: So model imperfection on purpose. Like, if you miss a deadline or misremember a fact in a meeting, just own it out loud. Lucas: Yeah, and don't over-apologize either. Just a quick 'I got that wrong, here's the correct info' and move on. That sets a realistic standard for your team, and it lowers the anxiety in the room. People are more likely to speak up and take risks when they know the manager isn't going to judge their every word. Luna: That makes sense. But I'm curious—does perfectionism actually affect your team's performance, or is it mostly an internal struggle? Are there real business costs? Lucas: Oh, there are real costs. Think about decision speed. If you're perfectionist, you might delay decisions because you're waiting for the perfect answer that never comes. That slows your team's momentum and can make them hesitant to bring you problems because they know you'll over-analyze everything. And then there's innovation—if they think you'll shoot down any idea that isn't fully fleshed out, they stop brining ideas altogether. Luna: So it's not just a personal struggle, it's a leadership failure. Lucas: It's a failure mode, yes. But the good news is, it's fixable. You can train yourself to be more aware of when perfectionism is driving, and you can intentionally practice 'good enough.' The first step is just recognizing the pattern. Luna: And what about when you've had a particularly bad day where you feel like you've failed at everything? How do you bounce back from that without spiraling into self-criticism? Lucas: That's when you need to separate your identity from your performance. You are not your mistakes. A manager who forgot to give feedback on time isn't a failure—they're just a person who missed a beat. So I try to do a little 'off the record' self-talk: 'I did my best with the information I had, and I'll do better tomorrow.' It sounds cheesy, but it works to break the loop. Luna: Yeah, I think that's a healthy practice. Do you think the pressure to be perfect is harder for new managers than for veterans? Lucas: Definitely, because you're still proving yourself. You don't have a track record to fall back on, so every decision feels like it's on a test. Veterans can say, 'I've handled worse,' but new managers are still building that confidence. The irony is, accepting imperfection is what will help you build that track record faster. Luna: So it's almost like you have to let go of perfection to become a more experienced manager. Lucas: Exactly. And it's a process—you'll backslide. But every time you catch yourself over-polishing, you can make a different choice. Eventually it becomes a habit, and your team will thank you for it. Luna: I like that. It feels manageable. So before we wrap up, I want to touch on something we're both passionate about. We've talked a lot about being kind to yourself as a manager, and that makes me think about how we treat this show—it's ad-free, and that's a choice we make. It's a way of respecting your time and trust, just like a good manager respects their team's time. Lucas: That's a nice parallel. We do keep this show free of ads on purpose, because we think good advice shouldn't be interrupted by noise. If you want to support that, the link is buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small gesture, but it keeps us going. Luna: And we appreciate every bit of support, but no pressure. It's just a way to keep this community thriving. Lucas: Right. So speaking of thriving as a new manager, there's one more thing I want to leave you with today. When you're aiming for good enough, remember that good enough is not settling for mediocrity. It's about being smart with your energy and your team's energy. You're choosing to spend your best effort where it actually matters. Luna: And I think that's the real takeaway. Perfectionism is a misallocation of effort. You have a finite amount of energy as a new manager, and if you waste it on perfecting internal memos, you won't have enough left for the hard conversations that actually drive your team forward. Lucas: Exactly. So next time you find yourself tweaking a subject line for the tenth time, ask yourself: is this the hill I want to die on? Usually, it's not. And then let it go, and go have a real conversation with your team instead. That's where the magic happens. Luna: Well said. And if you're a new manager out there, we hope this helps you breathe a little easier. Thanks for being here, and we'll catch you next time.