Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Whackhead Prank: The ultimate driver's test

Transcript

Whackhead Prank: The ultimate driver's test · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Stop.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: Stop what you're doing.
• 0:02
  Speaker 3: Here is another world famous.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: One call is all it takes.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: Prank call from Darren Whackhead Simpson. Exclusive to KFM Mornings.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: All right, so here we go. It's prank time. Driving test.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about this. So Sheldon Barron's confession earlier did
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: her test 10 times before she got it.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Plus minus 10. Could be 11, could be 9, but thereabout.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Okay. So, struggled with that. Went to various testing grounds.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: You know, you always look for the one that's sort
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: of the easiest.
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: Ten.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Ten.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Courses for courses. And I heard such good things about Caledon.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Everyone said Caledon. You cannot fail in Caledon.
• 0:45
  Speaker 5: Oh, yes, you can.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: You were the first, in fact.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes, you can.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Your name is on a plaque here. First failure in
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Caledon history.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes, you can.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: And people talk about small towns being easier because there's
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: less traffic lights, less.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: You know, difficult conditions on the road. But you still
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: got to drive that thing.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: We all used to go in Durban. We used to
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: go to Winkelspreit.
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: That was like there by Manzamtoti down the south coast.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: That was like, that's where you go. You'll always pass.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: But you know what? I passed in one of the
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: hardest districts, which was Pinetown. So first time, that's all
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. It's like just putting it there.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: We know the roads of Pinetown are diabolical.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. That's right. That's right. Did you... What was
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: the first time, Sibs?
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: A second time. I took a four-year gap between the
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: first and second test.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: You got a degree in between.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: In between, and I had to heal.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: And then I went to a little town in the
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: Eastern Cape as well, Alexandria, that had one traffic light
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: and one pedestrian crossing.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: And I passed. And Ramiz, how many times you?
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: No, first time. First time pass. Right here, opposite in Greenpoint.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Producer Brad, you?
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: First time.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: First time.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Don't want to point out a pet. I wasn't going
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: to go there.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: You were just asking innocent questions.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: So, listen.
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: We all have a story.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: We all have a story.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: There was this urban legend inside. I don't know if
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: it was actually a true story, but an urban legend.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: But it used to go around when you were doing
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: your test.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: You know, so there was this guy. He was driving.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: And he was busy with his test. And he just started.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: He got out onto the road. And this kid ran
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: across the road. And he braked. Stopped. And he didn't
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: hit the kid. And the officer said, go back to
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: the yard. You've passed.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: That was the legend going around Panta. Whether or not
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: that story was true, I have no idea.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Heroes deserve their driver's license.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: But I'd imagine if you can do that task, yeah,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: you pretty much passed. Okay, so this lady is now
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: third go, been there. Third go, set up by the office.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Third go and failed again. Okay, but she ain't having
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: it anymore.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: She's tired.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: It's not me, it's you. And you know, there's a
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: lot of things where people go, you know, you've got
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: to pay the oak and you'll give it to you. Okay,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: so let's get into it. Let me call her up,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: test the water, and take it someplace.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Take it to a terrible place.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Let me take it somewhere. Hello? Hello, Mrs.
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: Van.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Yes. Hi, it's Inspector for Shear here. I'm calling you
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: from licensing.
• 3:51
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Hi, this is just regarding your license that you failed.
• 3:57
  Speaker 5: That's right, yeah.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: On the record, yeah, is this the third time that
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: you failed?
• 4:02
  Speaker 5: That's right.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Basically, ma'am, there is an issue where some of our
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: inspectors are purposely failing people for various reasons.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Now, do you feel that you were unjustly failed?
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: The first time I know that I failed, but the
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: last time when I went, he made me finish the docking,
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: the alley docking.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: And then she said, and when I got out and
• 4:31
  Speaker 5: he told me I failed, when I got out and
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: I walked to my, because I went through the learner school.
• 4:38
  Speaker 5: So when I walked out and she said, what happened?
• 4:40
  Speaker 5: And I said, he failed me. And then she said,
• 4:43
  Speaker 5: but for what? He said, no, I rolled the car.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got you rolling back.
• 4:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, you're not allowed to roll back.
• 4:52
  Speaker 5: No, but I didn't.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: You didn't.
• 4:54
  Speaker 5: There was four people standing and watching me and told
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: me that was not a fail.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: I would like to grant you your license. I have
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: express authority to do that. But we have to go
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: through a few things first. Okay. I need to write
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: this up, all right? So I need to have given
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: you some sort of a test. Okay. Now, I can't
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: see you now, so all I'm working on is my ears.
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: Alright.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I need you to simulate starting the car. Make that
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: sound for me.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, now just rev your car a few times. You're
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: in first gear and make the noise of you driving
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: down the road.
• 5:45
  Speaker 5: Okay, but I just don't understand how this is going
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: to help me.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, let me explain, ma'am. I can't just issue you
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: with a license and overrule what my esteemed colleague did.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: This is the way that I can write up here
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: that you have been on a test with me and
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: you have passed. Okay, all right. Okay, so drive down
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: the road. You're in first gear. Just stay in first gear.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Let me hear it.
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Now change to second.
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: Third gear.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Third gear.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, go.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: And just keep the engine going. Keep the engine going.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Make the engine sound.
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: Keep going.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Keep going. You're driving. Keep going. Okay, what speed are
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: you doing?
• 6:56
  Speaker 5: I'm doing 60.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Now I need to see your reaction. Then I'm going
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: to shout, there's a child in the road. And then
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: you need to grind to a halt with your brakes, okay? Okay.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: So just put the car in motion. Drive. Drive. Keep going.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: There's a kid in the road. And what's happened?
• 7:36
  Speaker 5: I've stopped.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Dead.
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: Dead.
• 7:39
  Speaker 5: With my foot on the clutch and my foot on
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: the brake.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, you failed that. You didn't check your blind spots.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: So we're going to have to do it again.
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: Cars in motion. Drive.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Brake.
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: Brake.
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: Brake.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Brake. Brake. Brake.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: Brake.
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: Brake. Brake. Brake. Brake.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Brake.
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: Brake. Brake. Brake.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Brake.
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: Brake. Brake. Brake. Brake. Brake.
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: Brake.
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: Brake.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: Brake.
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: Brake. Brake.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Brake.
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: Brake. Brake.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Brake.
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: Brake.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Brake. Brake. Brake.
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: Brake. Brake.
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: Brake.
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: Brake.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Brake.
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: Brake.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: Brake.
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: Brake.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: Brake.
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: Brake.
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: Brake.
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: Brake.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Brake. Brake. Brake.
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: Brake.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Brake. Brake. Brake.
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: Brake. Brake.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Brake Murderer who's escaped from jail in the road.
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: Stop.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: No, ma'am, you failed that too. It's a murderer who's
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: escaped from jail. You're not supposed to stop. You're supposed
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: to hit him.
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Okay i want to hear this car going at the
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: maximum speed that it's allowed on the highway.
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: Okay What is that?
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: Okay, that is an ambulance.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Nope, that is in fact one of my colleagues.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: What do you do?
• 9:13
  Speaker 5: I indicate and see where he is to make sure
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: that I'm not in his way. Tick, tick, tick. Tick, tick, tick.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I'm folding behind you. What does that mean?
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: You want to pull me off.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Okay, ma'am, what do you say?
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: Indicate and slag down and try to stop.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: What you're supposed to say here is, oh, f * * *. Okay. Now,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I'm walking to your door. Ma'am, do you know that
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: you were doing 160 in 120 zone? Yeah, I say
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: no because I.
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: Won't go that fast.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, but I say I was behind you at doing
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: 160 and I wasn't gaining on you at all, which
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: means that you were at a perfect 160. So, ma'am,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: what I'm going to have to do is write you
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: up for a mandatory 500 grand fine. What do you
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: say to me?
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: I say thank you and I won't do it again.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: No, you say, how are we going to sort this out?
• 10:13
  Speaker 5: No, I don't drive.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe you should just give me 100 rand.
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: Why can't I give you 100 rand?
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: You want to bribe a police officer on your test.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing that.
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: I won't bribe any officer.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Why all of a sudden the Afrikaans?
• 10:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah, but unfortunately I'm not. I do not bribe officers.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, well done. You passed the test. Drive me back
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: to the yard.
• 10:44
  Speaker 5: Wow, are you driving a Prius?
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: By the way, I need to tell you, Mrs... that
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: you have passed your test. Congratulations. You are officially now
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: a licensed driver.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: I'm a bit shocked. Why?
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Because you failed the first three times. Yeah.
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: Thank you so much.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: How do you feel? Honestly, how do you feel? I'm alright.
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: It's a bit funny to do it like this.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is.
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: It is.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: Also, very, very funny... for your colleagues as well.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Marie.
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: For my colleague, Marie?
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: Who am I speaking to now?
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Now you are speaking to Wackhead Simpson.
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: Oh, no! F * * * no!
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: I'm going to f * * * you now.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: Oh, you b * * * *.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: You're a fantastic driver.
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: Oh, f * * * off, yeah. Marie. I'm going
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: to f * * * you now. Thanks, Rocky.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: It's my pleasure.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: It's Duffy with Mercy.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: Here on KFM Mornings, we've got news and sports. What's
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: the latest in the sports here, Sibs? We're getting a
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: lot of rugby stuff.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: Very quiet on the rugby front. No one's saying anything
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: about South Africa or the Springboks, Darren.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Very quiet. Slow news week.
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: As I'm sure you're aware. But otherwise, tennis fans are
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: enjoying the US Open. And yeah, that's been what's going on.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: And then obviously, Premier League is back. PSL is back.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Yep, soccer's all back.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Cricket is back.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I see so, yeah.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: So summer, spring, summer. We're on.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: We're live. The big story in cricket that I saw
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: was a South African dude that plays for Australia. He
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: got dropped for some reason.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Which are the Labushane.
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Manus.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: That we refuse to call Labushane.
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: Manus.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: Labuskachni.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Labuskachni, yeah. Good player.
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: Great player.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: No, he's very good.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, we've got some of your comments here from the
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: prank this morning.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: I just want to know how many gears does that
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: car have and where can I buy one?
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Because I think at one stage I counted maybe like 10.
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: So after all.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: This, are you ever going to make sure that she
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: gets a license? No.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Now take me back to the yard. Yeah, that was
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: the cherry on top.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: You know, we've got to complete the entire role-playing scenario.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: But we joke, but the way that the world is moving,
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: electronic over the phone.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: It's going to happen.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Driver's tests are something that's possible. And that's why she
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: believed it up until the very end.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Now everything.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: AI instructor, AI tester.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: During COVID, didn't we do driving tests via Zoom? I'm
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: sure we must. No, we were in court via Zoom.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Anything is plausible.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Anything is possible.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Now, if you can afford two soccer tickets, you can
• 14:30
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• 14:34
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• 14:37
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• 14:54
  Speaker 1: and FSBTCs. And info, it's online.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: KFM Mornings.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: The best indeed.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: With Darren Sherland, Sibs, and you.