Latest / Thrive After 45® | Life After 45, Self-Trust, Midlife Women / From Shame To Self Worth: Healing After A Decade of Silence - with Tonya Peck

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From Shame To Self Worth: Healing After A Decade of Silence - with Tonya Peck · Thrive After 45® | Life After 45, Self-Trust, Midlife Women

• 0:00
  Hello and welcome to Thrive After 45, the podcast where we redefine what's possible in midlife.
• 0:08
  I'm Denise.
• 0:09
  Drink your Midlife renewal coach here to help you embrace your power.
• 0:13
  I.
• 0:13
  Purpose and potential.
• 0:15
  This is your space to let go of guilt, navigate transitions, rediscover joy and thrive for you by you because of you.
• 0:25
  It is such an honor and a privilege to introduce Tanya Peck to our show today.
• 0:30
  Tanya is a powerhouse of transformation and wisdom.
• 0:34
  A woman whose journey speaks to the resilience of the human spirit and the healing power of purpose.
• 0:42
  With over 18 years of experience helping others navigate their physical, emotional, and mental wellness, she has personally impacted the lives of.
• 0:52
  Over 1000 women, guiding them toward clarity, confidence, and inner peace.
• 0:58
  A certified life and wellness coach for women.
• 1:01
  Tanya draws from a deep well of lived experience from overcoming the shame and guilt of an unplanned teen pregnancy to navigating.
• 1:11
  35 years of marriage with grace, growth and fierce love.
• 1:16
  She's a trauma survivor and a servant leader with a heart rooted in the health and wellness space.
• 1:23
  Known for motivating and empowering others from the inside out Today.
• 1:29
  Tanya helps women identify their unique, primal question, their highest emotional need, the invisible driver behind their thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.
• 1:41
  Through this work, she helps unlock powerful insights that fuel personal and relational transformation.
• 1:48
  Get ready to be inspired by her story and powered by her tools and reminded that it is never too late to step into the life you are always meant to live.
• 2:00
  Tanya, welcome to Thrive after 45.
• 2:04
  I can't wait to have our conversation today.
• 2:08
  Well, thank you for having me.
• 2:10
  I feel honored to be a part of your.
• 2:13
  Episode and just, uh, getting to know you the last couple months.
• 2:16
  It's been such a blessing.
• 2:17
  It's so, so fun.
• 2:19
  I, I just, I love all of the pieces that come together in what you do.
• 2:27
  The emotional piece is a really big one for people, isn't it?
• 2:32
  Yes.
• 2:33
  Absolutely.
• 2:34
  Yeah.
• 2:35
  So your journey was filled with like incredible depth over the years from overcoming what we heard was your early life challenges to empowering like thousands of women through that emotional and wellness transformation.
• 2:52
  Could you take us back?
• 2:53
  Is there like a defining moment when you realized that your pain could actually become more of your purpose?
• 3:01
  Hmm, that's a great question.
• 3:03
  Yes, and, uh, sadly it was years after, um, the event occurred.
• 3:09
  And if there's anyone, you know, any hope that I can give to others is not to stay in that stuck or in that, um, place of doubt or shame any longer.
• 3:18
  Then you need to, like, there's so many things that you can do to move forward sooner than I did, which is why I'm passionate about sharing, you know, my story to make my mess the message, uh, to hopefully provide hope and healing for others.
• 3:34
  But you alluded to my unplanned pregnancy, and that happened when I was a senior in high school.
• 3:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:40
  And I was at a Christian school at the time and in a place of leadership and mentorship.
• 3:45
  And so the fact that that happened.
• 3:47
  Was not only devastating personally just because, you know, I let myself down.
• 3:51
  I felt like I left God down.
• 3:53
  But leading, letting down like the community, um, that I was involved in, in terms of the school, the church community, my friends, my grandparents, I was the oldest grandchild.
• 4:04
  So you're just like, ugh.
• 4:06
  So it was challenging and the guilt and shame that I felt from that, you know, took 10 years for me to evolve from.
• 4:14
  And I really think that it just was.
• 4:17
  Me not feeling like I should be forgiven, that I deserved the forgiveness that God so freely gives.
• 4:24
  And because of some opportunities that I had a safe place with a core group of women that I felt comfortable and confident to share.
• 4:34
  Mm-hmm.
• 4:35
  And their impact and their response was one of understanding of empathy, of, you know, encouragement and the reason I felt.
• 4:45
  Uh, reluctant to share my story up until that time was because I was afraid of not being loved or not being wanted in those settings of church environment or friend groups that I felt like if they knew that about me, I.
• 4:59
  They wouldn't, they wouldn't want to be my friend.
• 5:02
  Right.
• 5:02
  Really in the core of it.
• 5:03
  And so unfortunately as I look back, uh, the atmosphere was one in terms of the Christian school and it was the eighties and it was all about appearances and, you know, not sharing maybe.
• 5:17
  Uh, the depths of our challenges or of our sin, but being above board and just, you know, kind of acting like there's nothing going on.
• 5:25
  You know, we are all, you know, good people and we're gonna shift and move in a way that shows goodness.
• 5:33
  Mm-hmm.
• 5:33
  And, um.
• 5:35
  It was hard.
• 5:36
  It was definitely hard.
• 5:36
  Yeah.
• 5:36
  I bet that those around me knew, you know, uh, more of my story, right.
• 5:40
  But until I really was able to share it in that safe place and start to embrace that forgiveness and that love, that God so freely gives, but sometimes we don't accept, um, then that really opened the door for more healing and for me to become.
• 5:56
  Who I was and share my story with others that now I found have similar stories in the response, uh, in the re respect of maybe not an unplanned pregnancy, but maybe there was addiction, or maybe there was, you know, a broken home or trauma that was involved.
• 6:13
  And so having the opportunity to share and kind of connect.
• 6:17
  Uh, with women, um, especially as we're getting older and starting to see, you know, learn from our mistakes or to be, uh, speak into those, um, that are younger and say, okay, this is what I did, but here's how I can help you.
• 6:31
  Don't take 10 years, you know, to share something with someone that you feel could be really, really sensitive and deep.
• 6:38
  Right?
• 6:38
  Um, because there is that love and acceptance and we just have to lean into those safe people.
• 6:43
  Right.
• 6:44
  So, so, so many things are coming up as you're sharing your journey.
• 6:48
  Yeah.
• 6:48
  And one thing that's really resonating for me is, is there any tips that you can provide to help people find.
• 7:00
  That community.
• 7:01
  Find those people who you can trust and know that they are a safe space for you to be able to share some more of your authentic self, whatever that needs to be for you.
• 7:17
  Sure.
• 7:18
  Definitely.
• 7:20
  I would say faith places, you know, whether that's a church, whether that's a nonprofit, whether there's, you know, people kind of, that are like-minded.
• 7:28
  And when you start to maybe share those connections and get to know someone and feeling a little bit safer to open up those conversations and dialogues and boundaries I feel like are important.
• 7:40
  You know, sometimes maybe we feel like everyone is going to be loving and accepting, and so it's kind of finding that balance of not.
• 7:49
  Holding your heart, you know, captive and being an island, because I felt like that was, um, safer.
• 7:56
  Yeah.
• 7:56
  But to feel that vulnerability and to share with someone and maybe just share a little piece, right.
• 8:03
  And see if that starts to build that connection and that stronger bond.
• 8:08
  And if they aren't.
• 8:11
  Ready for it.
• 8:12
  Maybe they're in a different place then.
• 8:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 8:14
  You kind of know it before, maybe you shared all of your heart and then, you know, were in a situation where you didn't get the response or the, um, understanding that you were hoping for.
• 8:23
  So I would say in faith places, definitely.
• 8:26
  In, you know, the workplace, in your community, just kind of being aware, right.
• 8:31
  Sometimes the people that we are around or maybe cross paths with could be.
• 8:37
  An amazing friend that we just didn't, haven't even met yet.
• 8:40
  So I think being aware of those people in the places that we frequent, you know, inviting someone for coffee, kind of building that bridge and being the first one.
• 8:50
  'cause I know sometimes it's easy again for us to all sit in our house and be like, well, someone if wants to be my friend, they know where I live and they should come knock on the door.
• 8:57
  Yeah, right.
• 8:59
  Text me.
• 9:00
  But to be the person that takes that first initial step, whether that's coffee or lunch, or getting to know them and through those conversations and that getting to know each other, you'll be able to know a little more intuitively if this is someone that you would like to share more of you, um, and create that bond.
• 9:16
  Yeah, I, what you said there was really important from what I'm hearing, is that intuitive hit.
• 9:24
  Mm-hmm.
• 9:24
  Sharing little bits, but really tuning into does this feel like a connection that I can actually use as a support to be able to share what's on my heart.
• 9:38
  So I like the idea of the slow and steady and creating those, um, bonds.
• 9:45
  And that takes time, doesn't it?
• 9:47
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 9:48
  It does take time.
• 9:49
  Yeah.
• 9:50
  Yes.
• 9:50
  And give yourself that grace to take that time to be able to do that work for you, by you because of you.
• 9:57
  Right.
• 9:58
  And I, I'm, I'm, I'm going to say that I am so glad that you've taken the, the path you've taken.
• 10:09
  I always believe that everything happens the way it needs to happen.
• 10:14
  The way it does, even though when we're in the midst of it, it's like, what have I done to deserve all this on my head?
• 10:23
  Thank you very much.
• 10:24
  Exactly.
• 10:24
  So I believe in my heart, Tanya, that that 10 year span was there for a purpose and a reason, and to help.
• 10:33
  Help you do the work that you get to do now so that other, you see the value of not holding and making yourself, excuse me, divided out.
• 10:44
  Mm-hmm.
• 10:45
  And segregated out into sections and pieces.
• 10:47
  And like you were saying, like Here's the me on the outside in that group, and here's the me out there, and it fragments us, and then we don't know who we are anymore because we're playing so many roles in our lives.
• 11:00
  Do you find that with your clients as well, or is that.
• 11:03
  Yes.
• 11:04
  Something common.
• 11:04
  Yeah, a million percent.
• 11:06
  I think as we are cautious about being our authentic self, like you said, we, you know, kind of morph into who we think other people will want us to be.
• 11:16
  Yeah, yeah.
• 11:17
  And especially based on kind of our needs.
• 11:19
  For me, just connecting the dots as I grew up, right or wrong, you know, and this work with the primal question and some of those things, we really start back at our family of origin, but.
• 11:31
  Our parents.
• 11:32
  Kind of like when I was a parent, sometimes you're in survival mode and you're just trying to get food on the table.
• 11:36
  You're trying to get to the next thing.
• 11:38
  And so it's definitely connecting the dots in how our childhood, how we were brought up, the situations that occurred, is definitely not to re reflect in a place of blame because I really feel that the majority of us are just doing our best.
• 11:52
  Yeah.
• 11:52
  And we're, you know, doing what we know at the time.
• 11:56
  Yep.
• 11:56
  And.
• 11:56
  Sometimes the way that the dots are connected aren't from our parents, but maybe, um, an outside family member mm-hmm.
• 12:02
  That maybe, you know, um, hurt us in a way, you know, that left an imprint.
• 12:07
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:07
  And so all of those types of, um, just awareness and pieces as we.
• 12:15
  Grow and move and um, and for me, the am I wanted am I loved and so, and for my clients as well.
• 12:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:23
  Just being secure in who we are.
• 12:25
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:26
  And knowing that it's okay if we're not for everyone.
• 12:31
  Ab I think the loved and wanted, we want every, I want everyone to like me.
• 12:35
  Yeah.
• 12:35
  I want everyone to, to, to wanna be my friend.
• 12:38
  Like, I want people to think I'm fun and you know, I have.
• 12:41
  Cute clothes, like, I don't know, whatever that is.
• 12:44
  But, um, to just know that if we aren't, you know, connecting with someone that it's not us, you know, that we, it's just not a fit and it's not something that we need to change to be someone different.
• 12:56
  Right.
• 12:56
  Um, it's just the person that, you know, there's someone out there meant to have more of our time and effort and energy.
• 13:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:03
  And so to be really mindful that we shouldn't feel the need to change or shift, um, in a way that.
• 13:10
  Can be accepting of others, but which wanna be in a place where we are accepted as we are, right?
• 13:16
  That we come from a place of, instead of am I loved and am I wanted, and trying to change those behaviors to get that answer, to just know that I'm rooted, you know, in I, I am loved, I am wanted, um, I'm secure.
• 13:32
  You know, I have that, that foundation of, um, confidence really to help us move forward in a, in a healthier way.
• 13:39
  Yeah.
• 13:40
  And I love what you're saying.
• 13:41
  The healthier way is key, isn't it?
• 13:43
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:44
  And do you, I don't know if you find this, but I, I notice that the things that we tell ourselves that people are going, I'm going to be accepted when I do it this way, and I do it that way.
• 13:56
  Those are our thoughts, those are our expectations based on our.
• 14:01
  Vision not based on what other people are thinking and seeing and feeling.
• 14:06
  It's based on our interpretation of what we think and we can't Absolutely.
• 14:12
  And we can't think for others.
• 14:14
  Right, right.
• 14:15
  Yeah.
• 14:15
  So I think it's really important.
• 14:18
  And if you can speak to this as well, how you share.
• 14:24
  Your energy overall is also a reflection of what energy comes back to you.
• 14:30
  So if you're always doubting yourself, you're sending that energy out, and then the people you're connecting with, I find.
• 14:37
  They're doubting you as well, so the energy that's coming back and forth doesn't fit.
• 14:42
  And then you try to change things, but you're not gonna change it because it's stemming from you anyway.
• 14:48
  Exactly, yes.
• 14:53
  We just keep chasing each other in circles.
• 14:55
  Who the heck are you?
• 14:56
  Like, I don't know.
• 14:56
  Who do you want me to be and, yes, exactly.
• 14:59
  And it's exhausting, you know, when we do that too, just constantly, you know, thinking about.
• 15:04
  What should I say?
• 15:05
  What should I do?
• 15:06
  How should I act?
• 15:07
  So you're right in terms of the question of how to bring your, I guess, who you are forward, is that right?
• 15:14
  Right.
• 15:14
  Yeah.
• 15:15
  Yeah.
• 15:16
  For me, I think, uh, it first starts with just having a faith foundation to know who I am in mm-hmm.
• 15:24
  God's eyes, um, in, uh, that really.
• 15:27
  The only person ideally, that we should aim to please is God.
• 15:33
  And um, you know, others are just, uh, nice to have, I guess, and being in alignment with your values and what you stand for and what means something for you.
• 15:43
  And then coming to others in with those, um, values.
• 15:49
  First and foremost, um, so you know that you're acting and responding in a way that is true to you.
• 15:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:55
  Which then can bring that confidence.
• 15:57
  Um, and that, um, just your gifts, right?
• 16:01
  Really focusing on the gifts that you have to give others and maximizing that and using that as your platform to make change.
• 16:08
  You know, I talk about to be the change that you wanna see in the world, right?
• 16:11
  Where, you know, a lot of people, especially, you know.
• 16:14
  It's crazy times, um, that we want someone else to take that first step.
• 16:19
  Like whether it's with a friendship or whether it's a life change or a relationship change, but really to know that we have that capacity and that leadership to make those changes, have those hard conversations, you know, be the light in a world where we feel there needs more light and joy.
• 16:35
  Right?
• 16:35
  So taking that, taking that first step and having that confidence to do so, um, just by being true to yourself.
• 16:41
  Right.
• 16:42
  Right.
• 16:42
  I love that.
• 16:43
  So, so you've mentioned about primal question.
• 16:46
  Mm-hmm.
• 16:47
  Can you speak more to what are you referring to in regards to that and how you help people discover their highest emotional needs?
• 16:57
  I.
• 16:58
  Absolutely.
• 16:59
  So initially it started around fitness.
• 17:02
  Um, I've been in the fitness industry for 10 plus years, and as I was evolving into personal coaching, the ladies and men that I was working with, sometimes they have been trying to achieve a goal, whether it be a weight loss or um, more consistency, all of those types of things.
• 17:19
  And they kept hitting a wall.
• 17:20
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:20
  And so, as much as sometimes we all know.
• 17:23
  The behaviors.
• 17:24
  And a lot of times things are focused on the behaviors of Right as it relates to wellness.
• 17:28
  Like, do, do this, don't do that.
• 17:31
  Like, you know, and then, right.
• 17:32
  We sometimes get in our head about, well, if I was a good person or if I was, you know, better at being more consistent, or if I was stronger or just, and then it kind of turns into, um, something that we are.
• 17:43
  Doubting ourselves and putting ourselves down and in our internal self-talk, you know, tends to be affected.
• 17:48
  So yeah, as I was looking in the fitness area, I thought, okay, you know, most of the time people know.
• 17:54
  What they need to do.
• 17:56
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:56
  You know, we know where to go from point A to point B and C, but what is keeping them from achieving that?
• 18:04
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:05
  You know, what is the driver?
• 18:06
  So instead of focusing on behaviors, focusing on the core, the core needs, and what is shaping those beliefs and those feelings, that then leads to either healthy behaviors.
• 18:18
  Or unhealthy behaviors, right?
• 18:19
  As a result.
• 18:20
  So the primal question with Mike Foster and finding, um, the seven primal questions, and in learning that framework, it really spoke to me and my life and the things that I went through because instead of, and I'll explain the seven questions, but as it.
• 18:38
  Frames your needs.
• 18:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 18:40
  And that as you are continuing to evolve and grow as a person and into adulthood, your primary goal is to get.
• 18:49
  A yes answered to the very need that we need, right?
• 18:53
  And that a lot of times is just based on our family of origin.
• 18:57
  So the, um, primal questions, again, it's, it's not a science, it's an art.
• 19:03
  We can, we all have a little bit of all of this and so, you know, it's not a one size fits all, or you don't wanna put someone in a box and say, you definitely are this.
• 19:12
  But basically it goes around.
• 19:14
  Um, the seven questions are one, am I safe?
• 19:18
  Am I secure?
• 19:20
  Am I loved?
• 19:22
  Am I wanted, am I successful?
• 19:26
  Am I good enough and do I have purpose?
• 19:30
  And those questions, one of us, all of us have one kind of driver, I would say.
• 19:35
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:35
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:35
  And due to, um, the multiple divorces in my childhood, the fact that there was, you know, a, my mother was constant, but she was usually navigating health and mental health challenges.
• 19:48
  The males in my family, there was.
• 19:51
  Ended up being six divorces, you know, there was a, not a constant.
• 19:54
  Right.
• 19:55
  So that kind of led me on that, um, ship shafing, if you will, you know, about Sure.
• 20:00
  What I need to be, to be accepted and wanted.
• 20:03
  And so really for me, my primary need is to feel loved and to feel wanted.
• 20:08
  Mm-hmm.
• 20:08
  And when I'm in those environments and I'm getting a yes, and then you're, you know, as a person, more confident.
• 20:15
  We're living our best self.
• 20:16
  We're like, we've got this.
• 20:18
  Like bring it on.
• 20:20
  Right?
• 20:20
  But when we're in those environments, or maybe those relationship situations, work situations where for me that am I wanted or loved as being questioned, right.
• 20:29
  And maybe answered with a no or a maybe.
• 20:31
  Maybe yes.
• 20:33
  That's when those.
• 20:35
  Maybe unhealthier behaviors start to kick in where it's like, okay, I'm not feeling that they love or want me, so what am I gonna do to change that so they do want and love me, right?
• 20:45
  And where that's where it's changing our behaviors or maybe changing our beliefs, you know, to fit in or to, you know, all of those things that can lead to really not us being our authentic self.
• 20:56
  Right?
• 20:56
  But the core need is driving.
• 20:59
  To get that answer, uh, to a yes.
• 21:01
  And so as I looked back on my, um, you know, experience in high school and feeling like I let people down, mm-hmm.
• 21:09
  I, it's, that still happened.
• 21:11
  But instead of looking back at that and thinking what was wrong with me?
• 21:14
  Like why, what did you know that I was flawed or that there was, I was a bad person for making some of those decisions.
• 21:22
  Really, as I looked back, it was my.
• 21:24
  Way of trying to feel loved and wanted.
• 21:27
  Right.
• 21:27
  And the biggest way that I knew to do that, or thought was in physical relationships.
• 21:33
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:33
  So when I wasn't feeling secure, that was my go-to.
• 21:35
  I always had a boyfriend.
• 21:37
  I always had one in the wings before I broke up with another one.
• 21:40
  Like I didn't know how to be alone.
• 21:42
  And that.
• 21:43
  It terrified me.
• 21:44
  Right?
• 21:45
  So with the primal question, it's been, I, it initially started in more of a fitness, you know, um, sure.
• 21:51
  Platform.
• 21:52
  But then as I started to learn more about it and see the bigger picture, I was like, holy smokes, like this can connect so many dots.
• 22:00
  Dots because again, you just keep maybe ha getting.
• 22:02
  Those same roadblocks or those same behaviors or those same thoughts and you're just like, where is this coming from?
• 22:08
  And to be able to get really deep and figure out that this is how I operate, this is what, um, means something to me.
• 22:17
  This is why maybe unhealthy behaviors arise and to have more awareness.
• 22:22
  So then instead of taking in my example, like 10 years.
• 22:26
  Yeah.
• 22:26
  To unwind, you know, throw the ball of yarn.
• 22:29
  Then you can be like, okay, hold up.
• 22:31
  Like in that situation where I'm in a relationship or, or in a friendship that they're giving me a look or they're, I'm getting a vibe.
• 22:38
  Yeah.
• 22:38
  They might not live or want me anymore.
• 22:39
  I can be like, okay, this has more to do about them.
• 22:44
  Right.
• 22:44
  You know?
• 22:44
  Then me and I know who I am and I can be secure in that and, and if they don't choose to have me as a friend, that's okay.
• 22:53
  Right.
• 22:54
  Yeah.
• 22:54
  And to have that agency that, and so it doesn't send you, send you into a spiral of all these, you know, other behaviors that you can kind of stand firm in it.
• 23:03
  Know that this is who you are, know that this is, you know, um, how you are wired.
• 23:07
  And ultimately the thing that we need most, we give the best.
• 23:13
  So kind of the full circle is for those of us that have one of those as our questions, right?
• 23:18
  That's what we pour into others best so I can provide love.
• 23:23
  In amazing ways, you know, to my friends and my family and I see them and I, you know, I think of them first, um, in terms of the wanted, like if there's someone I teach spin classes and if there's a new person or someone that feels a little bit, looks a little bit lost, boom, I'm there, you know, I'm making sure that they are feeling included.
• 23:41
  And so I think the beautiful thing is seeing how we're wired.
• 23:46
  Why we make the decisions that we do.
• 23:48
  Um, being aware to make better decisions, right?
• 23:51
  To have healthier relationships, and then ultimately to lean into the gifts that we were given as a result and be able to really maximize those because as we're healthier are gifts and our, um, you know, uh, just.
• 24:08
  Pouring into others will be the most authentic, the most amazing way that we can do that, uh, right.
• 24:14
  And make that change So.
• 24:16
  So that's kind of the full circle about the primal questions and how it can impact and connect the dots not just in our past, but in our present and then ultimately, right.
• 24:26
  Amazing impact for our future, right?
• 24:29
  It you can take that information not only see, um.
• 24:34
  Where in the seven questions you land, in terms of which one is most prominent, and you might have a few, I don't know.
• 24:42
  Yeah, sure.
• 24:42
  Right?
• 24:43
  Mm-hmm.
• 24:43
  But it also mirrors your gift.
• 24:47
  Mm-hmm.
• 24:47
  When you put it into action, if it's a area of need.
• 24:52
  I love that.
• 24:53
  So.
• 24:55
  I know in our show notes we will have, um, the information in order for people to connect with you.
• 25:02
  Sure.
• 25:02
  So is there a specific place that you would tell people auditorily right now?
• 25:10
  So in case somebody doesn't have time to check the show notes Sure.
• 25:14
  Where can they go to get this kind of information through you?
• 25:18
  How does that work?
• 25:19
  Absolutely.
• 25:20
  The, the best place to go is to my website.
• 25:23
  It's motion and mindset.com and there just is a little bit more about me, but there is, on that first page and a free assessment, it's um, just a few questions.
• 25:34
  Literally takes three minutes and it's confidential.
• 25:37
  Yeah.
• 25:38
  So the results, um, will come to me.
• 25:40
  I will, you know, look at the assessment, see what questions you tend to lean more towards.
• 25:47
  Respond to you in an email with, you know, kind of the, the question that seems to be most prominent.
• 25:52
  Um, what maybe a scramble in terms of like unhealthy behaviors might look like, what your gifts would look like and just kind of start to create a dialogue or at least get the wheels turning a little bit and see if that makes sense.
• 26:05
  Again, since it's not like a, a perfect science, sometimes, like you said, of course, we may feel needs that need to be met in one way, in maybe our marriage relationship where if we have a career.
• 26:16
  We might feel like there's other things that are important in those environments, so it's a good place to start, start.
• 26:22
  Mm-hmm.
• 26:23
  Um, and then there's um, you know, a free consultation again, if someone took the assessment, gets information, has more questions, or wants to know more about like, what do I do with this?
• 26:33
  Yeah, yeah.
• 26:34
  Exactly.
• 26:34
  Then there can be more conversation as it results from there, so Perfect.
• 26:38
  Perfect.
• 26:38
  Yeah.
• 26:38
  So that would be a good place to start.
• 26:40
  Wonderful.
• 26:42
  Do you have any closing comments that you would love to share with our audience, um, to help them do whatever is resonating with them right now through our conversation?
• 26:56
  Any words, extra words of wisdom?
• 26:59
  'cause I know you've got tons of words of wisdom, but is there anything there you would love to share with the audience before we say our goodbyes?
• 27:08
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:10
  Yeah, the, the primary thing is that growth is not linear.
• 27:16
  I wish it was, I mean, it would be amazing to say, you know, we're just gonna keep riding that uphill, you know, we're gonna be growing, we're gonna be maximizing, we're doing all those things, but life happens and we're human.
• 27:28
  And sometimes we have those days, or maybe weeks or months where we're just like, what is going on?
• 27:33
  Mm-hmm.
• 27:34
  Whether it relates to our health.
• 27:36
  Physical health, mental health, maybe even relationships.
• 27:39
  You know, I feel like as you know, in marriage relationships, it can be on a upswing, and then other times you're just like, oh my, we need separate vacations.
• 27:49
  So when those moments happen or thoughts happen, to just know that it's okay, that it doesn't mean that it's not for you, that it's not a goal that's, um, not still worthy of pursuing a relationship that doesn't need more, you know, um, effort into it.
• 28:05
  But to just know that those days are gonna happen and that it's, um, it's still meant to be and to keep, keep growing, keep learning, because it's so much easier to stay stuck.
• 28:16
  Uh, I recently heard something that said fear is free, and that's not wrong.
• 28:21
  Like, our mind wants to go to the easiest.
• 28:24
  Solution.
• 28:25
  Mm-hmm.
• 28:25
  Quickest solution.
• 28:27
  And most often it's not benefiting us at all.
• 28:30
  Right.
• 28:31
  Um, but it, and it could be that fear or that stuck or the, or that mindset of just like, well, that was my family and it just is what it is and yeah, I can't change it.
• 28:40
  And woe is me.
• 28:42
  And it's like, no, we have the opportunity every single day to make it either our excuse.
• 28:48
  To stay stuck or our reason to be different, to grow and to continue to pursue and who God intended us to be.
• 28:55
  So I would just say, hang in there.
• 28:58
  Growth is not a steady incline.
• 29:00
  There's bumps and wobbles and you know, pitfalls and all the things, but it's still a million percent worth continuing that growth opportunity.
• 29:10
  Absolutely.
• 29:11
  Thank you so much for your time, your energy, your gifts.
• 29:17
  Yeah.
• 29:18
  And for the work that you put into the world and for all the women, you support it, it's a thousand plus.
• 29:27
  Now, next time we meet in a year from now, I'm sure it'll be way higher into the thousands instead of just.
• 29:35
  2000.
• 29:36
  It'll probably be way bigger than that.
• 29:38
  So keep doing you.
• 29:40
  Thank you so much for being on the show today.
• 29:42
  And make sure you check the show notes.
• 29:44
  Go in, make sure you check the website that Tanya referenced.
• 29:48
  Do you wanna say it one more time just to make sure our listeners grab it?
• 29:52
  Absolutely.
• 29:53
  It's motion and mindset.com.
• 29:56
  Perfect.
• 29:57
  Perfect.
• 29:58
  Yes.
• 29:59
  Thank you so much.
• 30:00
  And to the listeners, make sure that you are following Thrive after 45.
• 30:06
  You don't wanna miss any of these incredible conversations that we get to have every week and take care of yourselves.
• 30:13
  Make sure you do something for you by you because of you, and go and check out Tanya's work.
• 30:21
  Have a great day everyone.
• 30:23
  Bye bye.