Latest / Anchored At Home / 3. Two Broken People, One Marriage: Why Healing Starts With Us, God, and Community

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3. Two Broken People, One Marriage: Why Healing Starts With Us, God, and Community · Anchored At Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: The conversations that impact our lives are rooted in vulnerability, truth,
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  Speaker 1: and grace.
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  Speaker 2: Each week, we'll have real conversations about.
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  Speaker 1: Life and all the beautiful, messy moments in between. We
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  Speaker 1: hope this is a place where.
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  Speaker 2: You can exhale, feel seen, know you're not alone, and
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  Speaker 2: leave encouraged, challenged, and equipped. We're Josh and Liz, and
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: welcome to Anchored at Home. Hey, what's up, everyone? Thanks
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: again for joining us for another episode of the Anchored
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: at Home podcast. I'm Josh. This is my beautiful wife, Liz.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: And we're so glad you joined us again. Just a
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: quick reminder, don't forget to like, subscribe, share so we
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  Speaker 2: can spread the word and have more real conversations with
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  Speaker 2: everyone and encourage people to have more real conversations in
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  Speaker 2: their own life with their people. So kind of picking
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: up where we left off in the last episode, I
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: know we were talking about being anchored at home and
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  Speaker 2: why we chose that.
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  Speaker 1: Some parts of like our past or like how we
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  Speaker 1: met and stuff like that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Our origin.
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  Speaker 2: Our origin story. Story. Sounds like a Star Wars movie,
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  Speaker 2: which I'm a big fan of Star Wars. Liz, not
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  Speaker 2: so much.
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  Speaker 1: No thanks.
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  Speaker 2: Watch those by myself. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Well, now we have kids that love them.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, only one of them.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. No thanks ever. Don't call me if you want
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  Speaker 1: to go to those movies. I mean, I watch every
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  Speaker 1: Marvel movie. I'm a boy mom.
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  Speaker 2: You suffer through those. You're like, okay, I'll get into it.
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  Speaker 1: A few of them I like. There's a few.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you like the Thor ones. Wonder why.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah. Yeah, it's fine.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Here we are.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, here we are. Figuring out where we left off,
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  Speaker 2: you know, about being an anchor at home.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And a lot of it comes, well, the majority of
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  Speaker 2: it comes with identity and knowing who you are, not
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  Speaker 2: just who we are, but who you are, who I
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  Speaker 2: was before there was a we.
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  Speaker 1: Right, yeah. And that's so much of like the work, right?
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  Speaker 1: And premarital. Um, and it's funny, like whether you are
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  Speaker 1: doing premarital counseling in like a church setting or with, uh, with,
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  Speaker 1: we've met so many different walks of life that have
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  Speaker 1: like done it with parents, done it with a family
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  Speaker 1: member or a couple that was ahead of them, like
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  Speaker 1: not just church settings at all, um, or even faith-based
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  Speaker 1: that they're, um, there's so much focus around like the
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  Speaker 1: we right out of the gate and like the I drops.
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  Speaker 2: We need to work on our marriage.
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  Speaker 1: Like we, where it's like that whole myth of like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: what is it? Like you complete me. Like you and
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  Speaker 1: it's like, okay.
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  Speaker 2: Mini me?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, no, you know, I mean,
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  Speaker 1: that's how I went into marriage. I was like, okay,
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  Speaker 1: so I'm gonna, okay, we're gonna get married. And it
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  Speaker 1: was like, not even seeing that I wasn't like, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it's not that I thought you were gonna make me whole.
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  Speaker 2: But it's like- Almost not seeing, I think marriage is
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  Speaker 2: a funny way of like showing you, you're broken. I
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  Speaker 2: don't know if that's the right word for it.
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  Speaker 1: But sometimes- Get married, see how you're really doing.
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  Speaker 2: Well, it's like, I'm trying to give you like a
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  Speaker 2: metaphor of like, okay, well, sometimes- You don't know your
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  Speaker 2: breath stinks until someone's in your space and they're like, wow,
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  Speaker 2: your breath is horrible, right? But like sometimes you're in
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  Speaker 2: your own world, you're doing life by your own and
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  Speaker 2: you're like, yeah, I mean, I've got issues or my
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  Speaker 2: breath stinks when you don't really realize, wow, this is
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  Speaker 2: actually deeper than I thought. This is stuff I need to,
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  Speaker 2: you know, work on, fix, heal.
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  Speaker 1: All I could think of, side note, not to interrupt you,
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  Speaker 1: is like, have some kids and they'll tell you straight
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  Speaker 1: up about how your breath like oh my gosh coffee
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  Speaker 1: run away from me like i'm like really yeah all
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  Speaker 1: right sorry i feel like i have pretty good breath
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  Speaker 1: it's like you're walking around and they're just just judgment
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  Speaker 1: you know.
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  Speaker 2: They're not gonna sugarcoat it they're gonna tell you they
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  Speaker 2: love the shirt they're gonna tell you they hate it
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  Speaker 2: yeah one way or the other.
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  Speaker 1: Anyway I love our children.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: But going back to what we were, here we are again,
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  Speaker 1: what we were saying of, yeah, of the, just the
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  Speaker 1: awareness and of being like, I'm my own person, you're
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  Speaker 1: your own person. And unfortunately, so many couples and unfortunately,
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  Speaker 1: so much, you know, there's great counselors and therapists and
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  Speaker 1: people in the world. And, you know, people are just trying,
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  Speaker 1: you can't mend. what was broken together when there's brokenness
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  Speaker 1: individually that happened way before you ever got together. And
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  Speaker 1: so I think that's like where we're going to kind
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  Speaker 1: of go is like, if our identity first is like in,
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  Speaker 1: you know, Jesus and knowing, oh, like I am, this
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  Speaker 1: is who he says I am. Right. And then like
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  Speaker 1: it has to replace all the things that, Like I
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  Speaker 1: didn't come out of the womb being like, I know
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  Speaker 1: I am who he says I am. You know, it's years.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, we met when I was 27 and that's
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  Speaker 1: years of doing things a certain way, having different seeds
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  Speaker 1: planted that number one. Well, and that's before I even
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  Speaker 1: like had a relationship with Jesus. That's before a lot
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  Speaker 1: of different roots like had already been growing and taken,
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  Speaker 1: you know, in both of us in different ways. And
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  Speaker 1: it's like, if we were just to come together and
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  Speaker 1: it would never, it would never work. Cause you can't
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  Speaker 1: focus on those things, you know, unless you're willing to
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  Speaker 1: do look at yourself in the mirror. And we talk
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  Speaker 1: about that a lot with coaching and clients and is
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: the microscope. We actually have one. I feel like it's
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  Speaker 1: one of your favorite things, right? Like you love to
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  Speaker 1: explain it. You know, let me just let you explain it.
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  Speaker 1: We don't even have one here. We should have brought it.
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  Speaker 2: We should have brought one. But yeah, one of the
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  Speaker 2: things we talk about is like the microscope and we
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  Speaker 2: let it have a microscope and, In marriage.
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  Speaker 1: One side's that, one side's the. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: In marriage, that's, if we're honest with ourselves and, you know,
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  Speaker 2: with each other, a lot of times we're microscoping being like,
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  Speaker 2: why does she do that? Why does he do that?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: If he would just fix this, if he was that,
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  Speaker 2: and you're looking at that versus going flip. Oh, snap.
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  Speaker 2: Now I'm looking at myself. Right. And, you know, what
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  Speaker 2: am I bringing to the table that is, you know,
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  Speaker 2: also a root of the issue or, you know, what
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  Speaker 2: can I do better? What do I need healing with?
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  Speaker 2: What do I need to address inside of me? And
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  Speaker 2: it's a big thing. And there's another thing, you know,
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  Speaker 2: that we talk to all the time about, you know,
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  Speaker 2: with couples that we work with that you, if you
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  Speaker 2: want to have, you know, and our goal is to
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  Speaker 2: have the best marriage, best version of our marriage, right?
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  Speaker 2: So our goal for our couples is to help them
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  Speaker 2: have the best version of their marriages. And in order
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  Speaker 2: to do that, you gotta be the best version of
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  Speaker 2: yourself because if you're not the best version of yourself,
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  Speaker 2: how can you possibly be the best version of yourselves? Right.
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  Speaker 2: Like together, like how can you, how can you possibly
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  Speaker 2: have the best version of the marriage that you could possibly,
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  Speaker 2: you know, think of or want without being the best
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  Speaker 2: version of yourself.
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  Speaker 1: And what happens so much, I think, and this is
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  Speaker 1: us too, of, I remember we sat down with, and
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  Speaker 1: you know, they're definitely going to be guests one day,
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  Speaker 1: but this one, um, you know, God brought into our life.
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  Speaker 1: And I remember working with him and he was the
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  Speaker 1: first person to ask us like, well, what's the vision
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  Speaker 1: for your marriage? And I'm like, what do you mean? Like,
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  Speaker 1: we're gonna- We're married. We're gonna have some kids. We're gonna,
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  Speaker 1: you know, we're gonna, we like talked about vacations. We
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  Speaker 1: talked about jobs. We talked about like all the things
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  Speaker 1: I think that, you know, you think people get married
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  Speaker 1: and we hear it all the time of, and again,
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  Speaker 1: this was us too, of going like, we get married,
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  Speaker 1: but like no one- there's no like premarital books we're reading.
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  Speaker 1: Like if we were pregnant and I laugh at all
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  Speaker 1: the time at like all the pre pregnancy books, right?
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  Speaker 1: Like all the pregnancy books. And it's like, you have
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  Speaker 1: the kin, it's like, here you go. And it's like,
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  Speaker 1: but the same thing for marriage. It's like, yeah, there's marriage.
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  Speaker 1: There's all these books and all of these things and
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  Speaker 1: with great wisdom. And some of them are really great,
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  Speaker 1: but there's, um, there's not enough people around going, Hey,
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  Speaker 1: what's the vision for your marriage? Like, what do you
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  Speaker 1: feel like um, you know, God has brought you two
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  Speaker 1: together and like, what do you feel? What's he, what's
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  Speaker 1: he speaking to you about your marriage? And, and if
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  Speaker 1: you don't know, you know, the Lord, that's totally okay.
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  Speaker 1: And there, he still has a, like a vision and
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  Speaker 1: there's a plan for your marriage.
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  Speaker 2: Um, and for you as an individual prior to marriage,
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  Speaker 2: because I know there's people talk, you know, listen to
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  Speaker 2: this that aren't married. This is, Right, absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: Well, and it's that for life too. So like if
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  Speaker 1: I'm created and you're created, we're two separate people, right?
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  Speaker 1: And so it's like, we still have, it becomes, we
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  Speaker 1: become on that same page, but it's also, we're not
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  Speaker 1: derailing from like the life that God's created for us.
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  Speaker 1: And so I think all I'm saying is that the
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  Speaker 1: first time he asked us like, what's the vision for
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  Speaker 1: our marriage? We were both like, said all these things
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  Speaker 1: and he was like, okay, cool. So I'm gonna need
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: you to take some time and gave us a list
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  Speaker 1: of different attributes, I'll say, and core values, and that
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  Speaker 1: we took time and we read through a bunch of
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  Speaker 1: resources and different things and sat on it and prayed
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  Speaker 1: about it and came up with five. And we were like, oh.
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  Speaker 2: My- Disclaimer, we came up with about 15. and we're
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  Speaker 2: going to need to narrow that down.
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  Speaker 1: We did. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Um, maybe even more than that. And, um, and so
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  Speaker 1: once we like, yeah, we nailed it down, like it was,
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  Speaker 1: or narrowed it down, but we nailed it to the
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  Speaker 1: five and it was like, okay. Like, and obviously that
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  Speaker 1: ebbs and flows, but everything came back to that. So
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: we had shared one time, um, you know, and a
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: different podcast of when we felt we moved from Virginia
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: beach to like outside of Manhattan, New Jersey, but it
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: sounds better. Um, still love New Jersey. And, um, but
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: when we moved there, um, that we like within all
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: of the moves we did and then leaving there. And
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: when we moved, we kind of went back and said, Oh, Hey,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: like what are those values? And does this job that
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: you're going to take, like, let's, Let's throw it up
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  Speaker 1: against the values and see, like, is it where is
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: it our faith, our family adventure? Like, those are just three.
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  Speaker 1: You know, where is it? What's happening there? And if
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: family is one of our big is one of ours
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: and a job opportunity for Josh or I at the
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: time was going to be taking us away from that,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: we would. went back and went back to the table
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: and we're like, Hey, we don't know that this is right.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: It may be the money was great or the hours, like,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: but right. And if it's not in alignment with that,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: then we're going to have to sit down and like
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: revisit that. So I think that's the thing is people
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: get married and it's just like, good luck, you know?
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  Speaker 1: And it's like what we've talked about before of having
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: the village and having the people around us to go, Hey, like, um,
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: number one, inviting us into like vulnerability that like marriage,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: no one's perfect. And we had a couple early on
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: dating that led us into their lives some. And that
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: changed us kind of in the long term just remembering going, oh,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: we knew of some of their difficulties or struggles and
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: they shared with us when they didn't have to. But
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: it was like, oh, so you do fight a lot.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: And you do, but you still love each other. And
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: you do, oh, we're not the only ones. Again, like
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: that we're having these issues. And then it opens like
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: that door.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think when we... you know, are real and
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: raw with people from strangers that we've only had a,
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: you know, a consultation call with to people that are
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: like friends, family, other couples. It's, it's, it's crazy how
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: it affects. You don't think so. Cause you're just being, yeah, this, well,
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  Speaker 2: let me, let me know that the not alone moment
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: is like, you know, I struggled with this.
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  Speaker 1: I did this.
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  Speaker 2: And now we we've had that same argument, you know,
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: all those types of things. It is cool to see how, Um,
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  Speaker 2: it's impactful for me to see how it affects them
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: and how they changes their posture of maybe they were
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: shameful about it.
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  Speaker 1: Right. Or, you know, it's the shame that's like.
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  Speaker 2: The guilty or feel like, you know, they're a bad
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: wife or a bad husband. They have a horrible marriage. Well,
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: now it's like everyone. Right.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: So many people. Right. You know, have this, whatever, you know?
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Um, so it's, it's just, it's super cool to, to
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  Speaker 2: see that.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Um, one thing I was going to say, cause you
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: had mentioned is like with the, with the kids. And
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't want to interrupt you, so I remembered it. Thanks, babe.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Which is a plus.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: Do you want to share that? What? I know you
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: did it.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, we had this thing when we- Friends of ours
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: shared this. Friends of ours told us this.
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  Speaker 1: We took it.
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  Speaker 2: You know, because a lot of times, especially in a
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: setting where we're at a table, we're at a kitchen table, cookout,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: fire pit, whatever, at the beach, whatever. You have these
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: conversations and everyone's having this conversation and you have a thought.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: And we're trying to teach our kids not to interrupt,
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: but you sometimes, if your brain works like mine- And
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: you don't interrupt, well, then you lose it. It's gone, unfortunately.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: But we're taught this thing of like when you have
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: a thought, you just go like this and hold it.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: And I kept it down. I don't know if you
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: guys saw that. I kept it down. But sometimes I'll
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: be like, you know, and hold my hand up. That's
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: not the point. But it's to remember that there's a point. Anyway.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know how that works, but it really does.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: It does work.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Because when I do it, it like brings it back
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: to my brain.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: It does. It's like I have a point and it
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: helps me listen while also remembering the point and not
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: forgetting it. Yeah. So that's pretty cool. Yeah.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Well done, guys. Thanks for sharing that.
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  Speaker 2: Thanks, Lindy and Ryan.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Appreciate it. Love you guys. Anyway, so we were talking
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: about the kids, how it's, you know, nothing prepares you.
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  Speaker 2: You're just like, you know, and we talk about nothing
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: can prepare you for the, you know, the littlest amount
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: of sleep that you're ever going to get in your life.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: You're like, no one knows what they're doing when they're parents.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Like it's literally trial by error. You have no idea
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: what you're doing.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Well, I think that's pretty true when it comes to marriage.
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  Speaker 2: I think it's pretty true when it comes to life
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  Speaker 2: in general. Like you'd really, you don't know, like you're
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: getting into it. Nothing can prepare you for like what
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: you're going to, what you're walking into the new seasons
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: of life. Um, yeah. So you can have like some,
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: some good foundations that prepare you. Right. And you witness
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: that with your parents and how they parent and how
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: their marriages, but sometimes that foundation isn't that great.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You find what you want to take or what
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: you don't want to take. Yeah. Yeah.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: And it's like, I go back to, I mean, I'm
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: going back again, but everything points to me. I'm just like, oh,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine doing this without the Holy Spirit, without Jesus,
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  Speaker 1: without like I, you know, and living for so long
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: without both. I can't imagine like that, you know, not
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: just having that help. Like we always say, it's like, well,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: it's three of us in our marriage. It's three of
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: us in our, and no, it's not weird.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: It's God.
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  Speaker 1: And, you know, and, and it's like, You know, and
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: bringing him along in everything, right? And parenting and all
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: those areas. So anyway, we could talk about that forever.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: But I think it's like a question I can ask
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: is like, were there parts of yourself that you didn't
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: understand until we got married?
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: And like, what were some of those?
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there was, you know, parts of my life. or
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: myself that I didn't understand or really even see were
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: an issue until I got married or until, and I
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: think I mentioned this in an earlier episode of like,
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: I probably didn't really realize that things were like that
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: certain things about myself were an issue or something that
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: I needed to address or heal until I had kids.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: And then I was seeing how it was affecting how
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: I was talking to my kids, how I was dealing
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: with certain situations. um, how I was disciplined, whatever it was. Um,
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: you know, and I had a, I'll call it like
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: a come to Jesus moment where like I saw, you know,
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: almost like not a light in the tunnel, but this,
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: this like, okay, wow, this is an issue. Yeah. I
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: need to, I need to do some work, work on it.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: So I went to, um, this was in our boys
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: were four and six, no.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: Six and three. I don't know.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: Anyway, went to a week, a week long, um, retreat, uh,
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: essentially basically where it was like, I don't know, six
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: years of, um, it was like an intensive. Those you
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: don't know what intensive is. We do those and they
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: are by far the most impactful way of doing things because, um,
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: you know, and I've done, done therapy.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: They've changed our lives drastically.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And that's why, and that's why we do.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Because we've seen how they, um, literally just, yeah.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Have the biggest impact, um, you know, with us, because
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: it's like, if you've ever done therapy and it's an
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: hour long session, um, you know, probably if you're like me,
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: it's like, okay, first 20 minutes, you're like, I don't
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: want to be here. And then the next 20 minutes,
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: you're kind of starting to get softer. And then the
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: last 10 minutes, you've kind of started to open up.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: And then the session's over. So you've opened up that wound.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: And now we're just like, hey, we'll leave that open
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: bleeding everywhere until next week or next month, however long
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: you meet. But the intensive stuff is cool because you
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: open up the wound and then you'm into it. You
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: heal it.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: And what that looks like, not to interrupt you, but
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: just for people that don't know, that can look like,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: you know, what were the place you're talking about or
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: the ones we do are like nine to four, nine
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: to five, there's an hour break for lunch. And, you know,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: from that nine to 12 portion to 1130, usually like
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: there's a lot that happens and is like brought up
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: and then like lunch and then, and this can be
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: with individuals or as couples. Um, and then after lunch,
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: there's another sessions that happen intentional around what was brought
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: up in the morning. Um, but the difference in intensive
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: and there's one day, two day, three days, seven days. Um,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: you know, and the difference of that type of work
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: is like, you know, I go back and I think
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: people that are doing them don't even realize it's biblical
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: of your waiting. And, um, and the waiting, right. Is
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: like the waiting, the waiting on, and we see it
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: so much. And again, we have experienced, we experienced it
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: for years. We still do them once a year. now
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: um as a married couple and um but the waiting
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: and the falling that happens um when the holy spirit
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: falls and the presence of god that you're in but
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: the softening of the hearts that happen um like anyone
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: can kind of show up like josh said or like
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: you have a racing brain in the hour you know
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: or you know we do do individuals that are 75
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: minutes like when when needed um but it's really difficult
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: to be able to actually go in and really adhere
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: to like, it's almost like surgery, right? Like no one's
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: just running in having surgery. That's why surgeries are like four,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: sometimes six hours long.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: And you gotta be there at 6 a.m.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, right. It's a whole day thing. But like,
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: it's the same thing. Like God's essentially doing it. surgery
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: like on our heart. And that takes a long time
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: to open, to like suture up, right? And to like
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: help heal. And then there's a healing process after that
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: people don't realize. It's like, oh, I did, I check
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: off my box. Like we'll get people like, Awesome. So
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: when are we done? And it's like, there's no magic
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: pill to what that looks like. And it's like, no,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: you just ripped off every bandaid. You may have even
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: like opened like sutures and you're now bleeding. And then
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: we're going to like suture your back up. But like,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: it's going to, the healing process happens for, could happen for, again,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: going back to surgery. Sometimes it takes six months, nine months.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: We've had hip surgeries and ankles and all of the things.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: It could take a year to heal, you know, from
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: that surgery. So if it's looked at, I'm just trying
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: to bring perspective for people that don't know the same
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: language and what we're talking about of, like, what that
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: can look like. It's just the depth. So, yes, people
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: say intensives are, like, could be six weeks, you know,
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: six months of therapy in, like, smaller amounts of time.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Sorry.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to like give, bring a picture for
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: people that might not know what you're about to say.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: I love the picture. You're a good picture painter. Thanks.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: We're both very visual. I'm like, can I draw it?
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: You don't want me to draw it. I can talk
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: about it. You don't want me to draw it. But yeah,
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: so I went to this, like I said, it was
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: a retreat and it was so funny because I'd signed
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: up for it. I'm like, yeah, this is going to
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: be great. I had, you know, a guy that I
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: was working with that recommended, uh, you know, this place.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: And it's like, I think you would really benefit from it.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: I think you do it. I did it. And, um,
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: so I was like, all right, I'll do it. And
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: I signed up. And if you're like, if anyone's like
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: me where sometimes you just sign up for things and
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: you actually don't know the details of the things you
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: signed up for, um, that was me. So I signed
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: up and literally two days before, maybe a day and
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: a half, two days before, I'll say two days before, um,
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: you know, I started reading more about it and, You know,
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: I get the brochure or the, you know, what the
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: day looks like. Right.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Schedule.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: And I hear it's like, okay. And then you break
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: out into your group sessions. And I was like, hold
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: the phone. Like what? Group sessions? I'm not doing a
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: group session. I barely tell my therapist one-on-one the truth.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Like I'm not, I don't know. Like I'm not doing
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: a group session.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: How do you feel?
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How do I feel? Well, that's another
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: funny side story. Should I share that?
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: So the first time I started going to therapy, I'll
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: never forget it. Poor guy, I felt so bad for him.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: But we would talk about things, you know, from my
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: childhood or whatever. And he would hit me up with,
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: how does that make you feel? And I would say
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: something and he'd say, okay, well, that's not a feeling.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: And then I'd be like, okay, I think about it
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: more than I say something else. And he'd say, that's
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: also not a feeling. And then I'm like, oh gosh,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: this is funny. And then I think about it and
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: I'd say something else. And he would say, that's also
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: not a feeling. And I'm like, okay, so what we
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: have learned today is I don't know how to express
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: my feelings or vocalize them. Anyway, told the side note,
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: but it's a funny story. So I find out two
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: days before this group session, I'm like, I'm not doing this.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: And again, I've already paid the money. I'm in it.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: I know I need to go, but I am scared.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: And I had a friend of mine, a good friend
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: of mine, And I'm telling him this, I'm like, I
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: don't know if I can do this. And he was like, Josh,
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: who cares? I'm like, I care. Like, you know, and
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: he was like, who cares? Like, you don't know these people.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: You will never see them again. And who cares? Why
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: are you there? You're there for yourself, right?
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I'm there for myself.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Go in. And I'm like, you know what?
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: You're right.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: I'm going in. So now any type of therapy, uh, retreat,
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: couples retreat, individual stuff that we go to. I have
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: this thing and I, and I tell it to men
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: that I work with and even couples of like cannonball effect. Okay.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: You're paying for something.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: So when I say cannonball effect, I'm talking, climb up
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: to the high dive, jump off and, and, you know,
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: scream and like, go for it. Like, you know, everything
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: you got, put it into it because whatever you put
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: into it, you're going to get out of it. And
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: I went into this, this, um, session. And, um, I'll
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: never forget. It was so such a cool, like I said,
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: cannonball effect. So when he was like, okay, well, like
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: who wants to go first? And I was like, I'll
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: go first. You know, I was like, I don't know
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: what's going on. And I went in, you know, I
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: went there and had dealt, had, had talked through some, uh,
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: you know, sexual abuse that I dealt with as a child. And, um,
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: you know, some, the details of that, which, you know, were,
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: not easy to talk about constantly crying constantly. And I'm
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: talking like in front, there was eight people in my group,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: you know, men, women, my age, a little bit younger,
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: a little bit older, like, I don't know these people
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: and I am bawling in front of them. And like,
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: like I said, the cannonball effect of just being real raw, vulnerable.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: And it was, I was so impacted by how of
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: like when I told these stories or my life and
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: what I was going through and what I was thinking
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: and how it affected me and all that stuff, how
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: other people were crying. I'm like, why are they crying?
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: What are they upset about? My story, you know, like,
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: Hey bro, like, come on. But it was, I'm talking here.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You got your own stuff, but this is my time.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: I remember I said I was going first, but it
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: was like the, the, how they were impacted by my vulnerability.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: And you guys, you guys are going to hear me
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: say it and Liz say it time and time again
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: with our guests, with people who were working, you know,
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: like vulnerability is so powerful and me cannonball in effect,
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: being given everything into it. This is who I am.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: Don't care, you know, freed like one, other people got
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: healing from it. but then the trajectory of the rest
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: of that week, it shifted the atmosphere in our, in
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: our group. And I, and at the end, and I
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: didn't know that, I just thought this was normal. This
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: is what people do when everyone's crying. But like when
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: I saw him crying and then, and after you do
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: your kind of piece, you're able to, you know, get,
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: you know, people can share like what they're thinking or
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: stuff like that. And, you know, the, the stories that
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: people were saying is, Hey, when you talked about this,
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: it really reminded me of this and it really touched me.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: And I never heard someone say it like this and
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: all this stuff. And, um, it was, uh, it was the,
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: it was just really awesome. So after that, I'm like, okay, well,
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: this is cool. Cause then I realized that through everyone
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: else's story, again, there's eight of us or nine, eight other,
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: other people they're going through their, their piece. And I'm
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: getting so much and I'm crying, listening to their piece.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, wow, this is, The power of that.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: The power of that. And like my dream. And if
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: I'm being really real and honest, like I can probably
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: count on, you know, two fingers of like friends that
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I have that I can be me unapologetically. Real and raw. And, oh,
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: I said I was an ugly crier trying to not be. Um,
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: like the importance of those relationships are powerful. Like, and
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: if I can encourage you, if you take anything away
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: from this, this, this, um, episode is find that person,
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: find that friend group. If it can be your life,
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: if it's your parents, whatever it is, whatever it is
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: for you, find it, be real, be vulnerable. Because that's
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: how we were created.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: You know, when you think of Adam and Eve, well,
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: they're walking around, you know, naked. Well, there's not much
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: more vulnerability than walking around naked. That's how God created
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: us to be. Obviously, sin gets involved. You kind of
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: try to cover things up. And I think we all
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: are guilty. And I know that I'm guilty of trying
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: to put on the front of I got it all together.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: When I don't think anyone has it all together, if
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: we're being honest.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: So it's all just be, I almost said, shit show.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Can I say that? Like together?
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah. We all got, we all got, we all got
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: our stuff and it's real. And I think that, you know, I,
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: I think that, um, that's how you, that's one of
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: the things that marriage showed me. Like I said, you
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: don't realize the things that are, that affect affecting right
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: when you're just living by yourself you know and getting
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: your own your own little bubble it's like when you
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: start to.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: You're not responsible for anyone else no you don't you
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: don't think about it yeah yeah yeah so um thank
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: you for sharing that you're.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: Welcome and thanks for not judging my ugly crying.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: It's okay um so in okay I'm clearly asking questions now.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: This just came to mind.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Interview process. Yeah.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: So how did that end up? Like when you went
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: there and like what happened when you came, like we
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: were married.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: You came home.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: And like our marriage at the time before you left
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: was not in a good place.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: No. Right. It was not, it was not in a
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: good place. Um, and I, and I think it, you
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: come home real vulnerable place into an environment where if
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: you're being honest with yourself, I wasn't being real invulnerable.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: I wasn't telling you everything I was, you know, stuff
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: that I was like, Oh, she doesn't need to know this.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: She didn't know that. Um, But it took our relationship. Obviously,
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: it definitely got harder probably before it got easier or better.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: But it took our relationship, the intimacy of our relationship.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: To a new level.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And by intimacy, he doesn't just mean sex.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: I like it. I do. I do. And we can
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: talk about that if you'd like.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: But.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, that too, that too, but mostly. Yeah.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: But the non-sexual intimacy and just like the, you know,
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: me and Liz have this, you could say it's corny.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: I think it's awesome. But if you've seen the movie avatar, um,
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: you know, the, instead of saying, I love you, they say,
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: I see you in there. And this means I see
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: into you. I see who you are. I see who
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: you're trying to be. I see what I see the
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: work you're doing. And, you know, that was around that
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: time that that movie came out and that was such
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: a true. And we say it still today. It's like,
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: I see you. We sign it on our cards. We
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: sign it on our thing. You have a tattoo of it. Yeah.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I'm just thinking now we have this rock. I don't
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: know if you can see that, but it's a heart, right?
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: And it says love. But we give this to all
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: of our couples that we work with. And if I
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: were sharing something like that or going through something, essentially
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Liz would Hold it.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Like what you just shared.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Like what I just shared.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: I should have.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: I should have.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: Picked up the heart.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Picked up the heart because so many times in marriage,
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: in relationships, in friends, we hear words.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Right.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: And especially if they're tough conversations where, you know, you're
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: arguing about something or whatever, like, or you're trying to,
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: you know, voice something that you feel like I need
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: to work on or whatever, whatever the circumstances is, we
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: hear words. We don't actually hear the person's heart. So
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: this is a simple practical tool that we use is
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: like Liz is holding the heart.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: And it probably weighs.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: It's significant.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, there you go. There you go. Yeah. It
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: definitely has weight to it. And that's the point of
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: the like experiential side of like we get to go. Oh,
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: there's like weight to this as I'm holding what he
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: has to say.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: It's coming from his heart. And I hear your heart. Right.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: In this.
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: I don't hear your words.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: There's, yes, there's words and there's, you know, the words
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: mean something, but there's that heart.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Right. And it gets us to go really left brain,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: right brain and like, oh, here we are. Like, I'm not,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: I'm now not like even just picking it up. And
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: once you handed it to me, I'm not, it's something different. No,
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: it is. And so that's the, anyway, but yeah.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: No, but in the- Like literally same conversations without the
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: heart in the heart. And it's crazy. Like the emotion
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: that comes up and like, oh my gosh, I see you.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: I see you hurting. I don't just hear it.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: I don't feel like it's a thing. I see you hurting.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: I feel it.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: And it's also almost like a notice. It's like a flag, right?
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Of if I were to see Josh pick this up,
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: like it's in our house and be like, hey, I
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: have some stuff I want to talk about. I'd be like, oh,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not like, huh? Oh, right. Right. Like I, it's like,
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: there's a different, like even my body just felt it
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: in that moment of like, there's a different space for
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: you to hold because you know, it's, there's like weight
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: behind whatever is going to be shared. Right. Like, yeah. Anyway.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: But I think, yeah, we could go on forever, like
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: talking about all of this stuff and us and all
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: of the things and We're going to share more about
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: us with, we're going to have some awesome guests coming
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: on that we're super grateful for and we love and adore.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: But coming full circle, it's like, yeah, I think it's
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: what we've talked about of like the being anchored, right?
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: And again, like we talked about this in I think
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: one of the last podcast of like, having this and
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: having this be an act of obedience for us. And
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: our yes to this is like that this was never
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: what we've wrestled so much with this of like, don't
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: want that. Don't want this. Don't want like, you know, and, and, um,
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: but why, and we had to really wrestle, I mean,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: for a few years, like with what was it. And
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: it was so much, we had a few people call
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: out some really hard things in us. Um, and that
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: like what we thought, Whereas being selfless was actually prideful. And,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: you know, that God's going to use what he brings.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: He just gives us the yes. And he is the
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: one that makes it all come together. And then he
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: multiplies it in the way he wants to. And so
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it brought us back
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: to going, oh, like this isn't about, this was never
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: about us. Like, and it's not about us. And so
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: I say that to share, I know we're sharing a
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: lot about us, um, but it's really just to create
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: a space, um, for number one. So you guys can
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: get to know kind of who we are. Um, we
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: would love to know who you are, like, and the
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: sense of commenting, like, you know, sharing, sending, DMing us,
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: sending us things like that you love, didn't like, would
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: love to, um, hear more about topics to cover, bringing
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: different guests on, um, but I think it just like
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: brings it full circle for us of like the, the
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: anchored at home. Like we said, that it's just, you know.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: The practical, uh, takeaways that we want to leave you
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: guys with today, um, before our next episode for something to,
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: to take home.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Um, yeah, is to also like, I think you had
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: mentioned it and, um, is just that like, you're not
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: alone in it. Like whatever you're going through right now,
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: you're not alone. Um, you're never supposed to be, you know? And, um,
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: that's a huge thing that vulnerability like isn't a personality type.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: It's not something I know you've talked a lot about
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: vulnerability day. Like it's a choice and it's one of
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: the most powerful choices you can make for your marriage,
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: your family. And it just helps generations to come your,
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: your friends, your whatever. Like, so our encouragement to you
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: this week, and I'll say challenge too, is, is one conversation,
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: like find one person. It can be your spouse. It
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: can be a great friend. It can be a parent.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: It can be like, he said, you know, we weren't
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: meant to have multiple people around like tons of people
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: and to have like great friends on one hand, like
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: that there's depth, intimacy, vulnerability with is even a lot
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: to keep up, right? Like when you have family and
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: friends and marriage and, you know, kids and life. So
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: it's like, fine, pick one person and share something this
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: week that makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable to
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: share that like there's an act of vulnerability happening. and
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: see what happens from that. And it could be if
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: someone asks you like, hey, how are you doing? And
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: you're normally like, I'm fine. I'm good. Fine isn't a feeling.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: And we can give you a feelings chart. We still
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: have one and love it. But it's like to pick
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: something else, right? And actually take a deep breath and pause,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: slow down and say, whatever is really happening. And it
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to be this big thing. It could be like,
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to make for dinner. And I'm
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: stressed about like, help, like, give me help, give me
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: a recipe. It could be like, I'm having a tough
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: day at work with this employee and blah, blah, blah.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: I'm just giving examples. It doesn't have to be this
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: massive thing that you've been holding on for, holding on to.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: It may be.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: But that's, I mean, our challenge is to know that
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: you can't get to, that's where the village begins that
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: we keep talking about. And like, it starts to form
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: your table. Um, you may have a big table. It
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: starts getting filled or you may get a bigger table
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: to welcome more people at it. So that's, um, our
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: hope and like our heart for you.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: That vulnerability is literally like, if you're in a house,
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: I'm a, I'm a, uh, visualization visualization guy. You're in
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: a house. Vulnerability is your door, right? If you don't
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: open that door, how can you get to the village?
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: And like I said, the village may be one or
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: two people. Okay.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: That's a village. Like you need that support system.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: So I see you, by the way, I'm staring at you.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: I stare at you a lot anyway, but when you're talking,
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: I get to stare at you. Your eyes are so beautiful.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: Thanks babe. I love you. I see you. I see
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: you too.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: Thanks again so much for joining us in this, in
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: this episode. Just a quick reminder that, If you like us,
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: hit the like button, subscribe, share it to a friend.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: I would encourage you to have these conversations with your
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: village and hopefully to spread that across to your friend group.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: Talk to you soon.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: Thank you for spending time with us. If today's conversation
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: encouraged you, we'd love for you to subscribe, leave a review,
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: and it can help more families find conversations like these.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: You can also follow along on social media for more
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: encouragement and resources throughout the week. And if what you're
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: hearing resonates deeply, if you believe in strengthening homes and
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: creating generational impact, we'd be honored to have you partner
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: with us. You can sponsor an episode or even a
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: season or donate to support the work of Home Team.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: Every conversation matters and every home matters. There's always room
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: for you here. We'll see you next time. time.