Latest / Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast / Unlock the Secret to a Love That Lasts: Terence & Ayanna's Inspiring Journey

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Unlock the Secret to a Love That Lasts: Terence & Ayanna's Inspiring Journey · Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast

• 0:16
  morning, good morning, and welcome to Rise and Thrive with
• 0:18
  Doctor J Nicole, where we are rising in faith and thriving in
• 0:21
  purpose. And today, we are rounding out
• 0:25
  the month of love with a wonderful couple.
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  So this episode, we're going to explore the real foundations of
• 0:32
  a healthy and enduring marriage beyond chemistry and romance.
• 0:36
  And we're joined by Terrence and Ayanna Jackson, and they have
• 0:40
  been together for 15 years. A love story that listeners will
• 0:46
  gain insight from. And hopefully, we can uncover
• 0:49
  the secret sauce of commitment, faith, navigating conflict,
• 0:54
  emotional maturity, and so many other things that contribute to
• 0:57
  building a life together and still managing demanding
• 1:01
  careers. So welcome back, Ayana.
• 1:05
  It's good to see you. Thank you for having me.
• 1:08
  Thank you for inviting us. Absolutely.
• 1:11
  And so Terrence, you are a fresh face to the Rise and Thrive
• 1:15
  audience. So we have Terrence Jackson
• 1:18
  here. He's all around a really dope
• 1:21
  individual and I think he's one of the most humble people that I
• 1:23
  know. He's very quiet.
• 1:26
  He's very quiet about his success and his achievement.
• 1:30
  He's kind of a big deal in addition to the my Brother in
• 1:33
  Christ and my fellow Bison. So welcome to Rise and Thrive,
• 1:39
  Terrence H. You.
• 1:41
  Thank you. Thank you.
• 1:42
  Thank you, Clark. Atlanta in the House.
• 1:44
  Thank you. Come on with the HBC you love.
• 1:47
  OK? Wait, have y'all gone to each
• 1:50
  other's homecomings before? No, no, no.
• 1:58
  You know, this just this makes me laugh so hard because you
• 2:03
  know, everybody puts up those stories or the reels and stuff
• 2:06
  around homecoming and like you cannot go to your significant
• 2:11
  others homecoming if they went to.
• 2:13
  HBCU, he put me on ice during his homecoming when we first
• 2:17
  met. It was probably for the best so
• 2:21
  that y'all could be here today. Exactly.
• 2:23
  Amen. Amen.
• 2:24
  Yes, yes, that's exactly what was going on.
• 2:29
  My goodness but I just think this is funny being 2 HBC us
• 2:33
  that are like. No.
• 2:34
  Versus one. OK, thank you.
• 2:37
  I wasn't ready for that. There's never been a conflict
• 2:40
  there, though, that it's never come up.
• 2:42
  It's never been a hey, let's. Yeah, no, it's a HBCU household
• 2:47
  and we love it. I love the mutual respect.
• 2:51
  Yes, I get over a lot, you know, but it's OK.
• 2:58
  OK, well, take us back. How did the two of you meet and
• 3:02
  what initially drew you to one another?
• 3:05
  You. Want me to tell this story?
• 3:07
  You could tell a story. You think they have a story.
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  So you know, you, you were bringing up homecoming.
• 3:13
  You know, being in DC, there are a lot of events that happened.
• 3:15
  So this was during Black Caucus weekend.
• 3:21
  There was an event. CBC Weekend.
• 3:23
  Yeah, yeah, CBC weekend, I went to, I think it was called love
• 3:29
  at that point. So we had transitioned from
• 3:31
  dream to love. Do you seem real once now?
• 3:35
  If you know, and you know me and my, my homie, we just got there.
• 3:40
  We were going upstairs, we were at the bar and I was standing at
• 3:44
  the bar and somebody tapped me and was like, can you get me,
• 3:50
  you know, order me a bottle of water.
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  And I turned around and behold, it, it was this, it was this,
• 3:58
  this, this gorgeous individual standing before me.
• 4:03
  And I was like, hey, and this, he tried to pay me for the war.
• 4:08
  And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 4:10
  It's water. It's, it's really not that deep.
• 4:13
  And so he was. Going to make her pay.
• 4:18
  We didn't. We didn't get to that point.
• 4:19
  I don't know. I just wanted water.
• 4:21
  I was thirsty. I don't know.
• 4:23
  I mean, you know, who knows? We didn't know each other, but
• 4:26
  you know, it was just something right when we turned around and
• 4:29
  when I turned around and we just kind of had that connection.
• 4:32
  And, you know, we talked for probably about 20-30 minutes
• 4:37
  going back and forth with each other.
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  We we actually changed numbers. Yeah.
• 4:43
  I mean that that was, I mean, we, we, we met.
• 4:46
  It was love in the club, Xbox love.
• 4:49
  That is the approved story. I support that story.
• 4:53
  You know, usually couples tell how they met.
• 4:55
  You know, usually couples tell how they met and the man has a
• 4:58
  story and the woman has a story. That's pretty much the story.
• 5:03
  Oh my goodness. But for real, talking 20 minutes
• 5:06
  in the club setting, that's a long time.
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  It was now the, the Side Story, you know, the B, the B side of
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  that story was when she tapped me, I was talking to someone
• 5:18
  else. So that conversation, I don't
• 5:22
  honestly, to this day, I don't know what happened to that
• 5:25
  person. Who was he talking to?
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  Oh, I don't know. I mean, I didn't walk up and
• 5:30
  like interrupt the conversation. He was standing there.
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  I was trying to get to the counter so I could get some
• 5:35
  water and I just tapped him on the shoulder, say, hey, excuse
• 5:38
  me, He can't give me so. So I never even saw the other
• 5:41
  person that he was talking to. OK, OK, that's my story.
• 5:46
  So he. So what drew you to one another?
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  So you looked around, you saw this beaming beauty.
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  What was it for you, Ayana? He had on a suit, a really nice
• 5:56
  Gray suit, shirt and tie. The man in the sea, right?
• 6:00
  He was really tall. He had a great smile.
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  You better show the people the really right.
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  So the pretty wise and when we started talking, just in the
• 6:11
  course of the conversation, he had mentioned he was from
• 6:14
  Alabama. And that struck me as surprised
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  because he didn't have an accent.
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  Like I'd never would have picked up on the fact that he was from
• 6:20
  the South. And so that was intriguing, you
• 6:24
  know, great smile, nice looking. And, you know, he just, he was
• 6:28
  kind of like my tight, you know, physically tall, you know.
• 6:31
  Brown It was my. Tight, yeah.
• 6:37
  I love that. So what was it for you, Terence?
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  Outside of the physical, you know, appearance, she just
• 6:46
  seemed really down to earth. You know, we in that short
• 6:49
  period of time that we were talking, we talked about, I mean
• 6:52
  it, it was a lot compacted into that 20 minutes.
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  You know, obviously I told her where I was from, what she
• 6:58
  sidenotes. She what she didn't tell me is
• 7:00
  where she was from. She didn't tell me where she was
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  from until later that that's a topic of another conversation.
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  Like I said, she gave, she gave me her business card.
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  I was like, oh, OK, we we on that level.
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  She gave me her business card. At that time, she was working
• 7:15
  for Starbucks. That'd be for real.
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  When I gave you my business card, you thought I was a
• 7:20
  barista. You thought I was a barista.
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  Who just so serious to have a business card?
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  Fired. I didn't.
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  I saw the Starbucks logo. I didn't read the title.
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  I was just like. Oh, it was a barista.
• 7:33
  They give Maurice this. Little business card.
• 7:35
  Business cards, OK. You thought she came to CBC for
• 7:39
  the come up for a husband like you, You thought she was a.
• 7:42
  Bruise in that. I don't know.
• 7:43
  I mean, it could have been a number of reasons she was there.
• 7:45
  You know, these events have corporate sponsors.
• 7:48
  I mean, she could. Have, yeah.
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  So. I am hollering.
• 7:54
  OK so got where you were but this is hilarious.
• 8:02
  Did you say well like so she y'all covered a lot of ground.
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  She didn't tell you where she was from.
• 8:08
  Was there any what? Was there anything else?
• 8:12
  Didn't mention where I was from because I had just moved to the
• 8:16
  area probably a couple of months ago.
• 8:19
  So I think we met in September of 2006 and I had just moved to
• 8:24
  the area like middle of summer, end of June, early July.
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  And I had a couple friends here already.
• 8:31
  And just he didn't ask me where I was from.
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  But I have trauma from telling people that I'm from Detroit and
• 8:39
  people automatically being like, oh, Detroit is rough, you know,
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  and there was just a lot of negative connotation associated
• 8:47
  with being from Detroit. So I didn't mention it.
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  One, because he didn't ask, but two, because I'd had so many
• 8:53
  negative experiences in the past with telling people, you know,
• 8:56
  my home city now I love Detroit. I'm proud of Detroit.
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  Did I tell people for a long time that I was from Michigan?
• 9:01
  Yes. But that's why it didn't come
• 9:04
  up. That is so funny.
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  But yeah, when I think back about this is 2006 years, some
• 9:09
  things was moving and shaking people representing indeed they
• 9:11
  was, they was doing the things. Exactly.
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  So what stage of life were each of you in when you met?
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  You want to go with that first. This is.
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  RT The hearty laughter. The phase of life that I was in
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  was I don't even know if I can really put a actual name to it.
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  I'll just say it was transitional.
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  OK. You know, being in DC during
• 9:36
  that time there, there was a lot, literally a lot going on.
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  And, you know, I was very much a socialite, meaning, you know, if
• 9:44
  the club was open, I, I was there, whether you know, it was
• 9:48
  love or, you know, some of the other local staples, you know,
• 9:52
  that that were going on. I was very outgoing and not
• 9:57
  necessarily looking for her per SE.
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  You know, I was just trying to focus on, you know, what I had
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  going on. You know, it was, it was just a
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  lot going on. It wasn't probably the
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  healthiest state of affairs from a a social perspective because I
• 10:19
  was out a lot. And, you know, that comes with a
• 10:22
  lot of other physical things. You know, I was drinking a lot,
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  you know, partying a lot. And, you know, it just wasn't
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  the healthiest space to be in, you know, looking now, having
• 10:34
  that hindsight to look back, you know, 20 years or so, you know,
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  I was, I was searching for something.
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  I didn't know what that something was, but God had a
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  funny way of bringing me what I needed.
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  Tapped you on your shoulder. Indeed.
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  All right, Ayanna, what stage of life are you, Lynn, when the two
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  of you met? So when I met him, like I said,
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  I had just moved to the area. I was social, I was out, but I
• 11:02
  was also very career driven. I was very ambitious in my
• 11:06
  career at that point. I was in my mid, early to mid
• 11:09
  30s, very focused on climbing the corporate ladder, very
• 11:12
  focused on getting to the next level, but also outgoing,
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  social, like to hang out single, making a little bit of coin.
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  You know, I had my own place. I had just moved to the area on
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  a corporate move. I had just come up here from
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  Atlanta. And so Atlanta, during that
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  time, it was Atlanta. It's the Atlanta that we all
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  know. And so I came up here, I think
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  with a lot of expectations socially and I jumped right in
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  and I had a few friends up here and we were definitely hanging
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  out. The job that I was in was new,
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  so I had just started working for Starbucks at that time from
• 11:47
  a regional perspective and human resources.
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  And so just very career focused and very socially single hanging
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  out focused. So was I unequivocally looking
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  for a husband? If I met somebody, great.
• 11:59
  If not, I'm having a good time just hanging out.
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  You know, I was just thinking like, what was happening in
• 12:06
  2006. So I was like, oh, bro, you
• 12:08
  snatched her up early. Well, I guess we'll get there.
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  But at least y'all crossed early because I don't know what point
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  y'all got there. We'll get there, Right?
• 12:14
  Yeah, but that was also the Centennial for Alpha Phi Alpha.
• 12:19
  I spent my first summer in DC 06.
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  Yeah, I was in DC that summer too, but I don't think I ever
• 12:25
  saw y'all because I was outside socially.
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  Too. We was out there.
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  We was out there. I.
• 12:29
  Was a black man socially too it? Was 100 black men conference.
• 12:34
  It was I think it was post Olympics for Atlanta, I think
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  OK, I think that was the O four O 6 Olympics, something like
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  that. The housing market was still
• 12:45
  great because the housing market crashed at O 8.
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  So during that time, you know, real estate prices were good.
• 12:51
  Everybody was buying everything and flipping everything.
• 12:55
  This to me, it was a fantastic city.
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  It was great when I first moved here.
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  Great time to be alive. You are absolutely right.
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  Like, yeah, that was very picture it, DC.
• 13:04
  Yeah, $2000 yes. And I'm always here in the
• 13:08
  summertime and, you know, most cities are fantastic and the
• 13:11
  summer was. Good.
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  Yeah, Summer 06 specifically was a good summer.
• 13:17
  Indeed it. Was it was it was just just like
• 13:21
  the good times, you know, like it just so just a good time to
• 13:25
  be alive. There you go.
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  Looking back, were there signs that this relationship was
• 13:31
  different and like was there an immediate knowing or was it more
• 13:36
  like a gradual clarity or understanding?
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  I think for me it was gradual, but I think what gave it clarity
• 13:44
  was that it was easy. It was an easy relationship was
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  you know how you're in some relationships and of course, you
• 13:52
  know, you always have trauma and baggage that you bring and
• 13:54
  you're waiting for the shoe to drop.
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  You're waiting for what's he going to do wrong or oh, what's
• 13:59
  the big red flag? I never had that.
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  I never, the shoe never dropped. The red flag kind of presented.
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  Beautiful. It was just that easy
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  relationship. Like I never, I've always felt
• 14:12
  like talking to him was easy, making plans was easy, hanging
• 14:16
  out was easy. It was just easy in comparison
• 14:20
  to previous relationships where there was drama and trifling and
• 14:23
  you know, all the things. It was an easy relationship.
• 14:26
  So it was a gradual point to that.
• 14:29
  Yeah, I love it. I hear pacing.
• 14:32
  I hear, like, you know, that you were secure in your attachment.
• 14:36
  Like, it didn't need to be like, fast, fast, you know what I
• 14:39
  mean? And it just sounds healthy.
• 14:41
  And for some people, if they had a history of, like, trauma,
• 14:45
  baggage, all that stuff, they would have been like this too
• 14:47
  easy. They would be looking for the
• 14:50
  drama and the smoke and would have got bored with it.
• 14:52
  Be like, oh, he's so predictable.
• 14:56
  No, you're like, uh, uh, I like this.
• 14:57
  Give me some more. Exactly.
• 14:59
  Exactly. All right, what about you,
• 15:02
  Terence? For me it was it was gradual.
• 15:06
  So what he didn't say is so we met when was the was that like
• 15:09
  September? So we changed numbers and I
• 15:15
  didn't call. Her, so I didn't.
• 15:17
  Until after, how was Homecoming? So going back to this whole full
• 15:20
  circle, to Homecoming, I didn't call.
• 15:25
  Wait a minute. Wait, wait.
• 15:28
  You don't get to just skip that. I hear the strategy.
• 15:32
  I hear the strategy and I want you to explain because I know
• 15:36
  what I'm hearing or what I think the strategy was, but I want to
• 15:39
  hear you first. I wanted to make sure she had my
• 15:43
  devoted attention and at we, it was how I was homecoming.
• 15:48
  So I mean, just getting 100% transparent.
• 15:51
  It was it was a lot going on. So I just needed to make.
• 15:53
  Sure, always a lot. Going on on the other side of
• 15:56
  homecoming, you know, you got people coming in town, people
• 15:58
  you ain't seen in a minute. You mean you know how that go
• 16:00
  so. And you probably had some plans
• 16:02
  and you didn't expect. To make sure that I could focus
• 16:07
  my time and attention on her because I felt that this was
• 16:10
  different. Oh, when we got past homecoming,
• 16:15
  you know, I, I re engage, so to speak.
• 16:19
  So and she, she was actually a little bit annoyed on the re
• 16:22
  engagement because she was basically like, so Oh, so you
• 16:25
  did get my number. Basically I was like, yeah, my
• 16:27
  bad. I had to.
• 16:29
  I was waiting on homecoming to get over it.
• 16:31
  She was so that I didn't help myself out a lot, but I was
• 16:35
  being transparent. I did, I did.
• 16:37
  I was being transparent and she was actually getting ready.
• 16:41
  You were getting ready to go home, I believe.
• 16:43
  So that was so we met in September, homecoming was in
• 16:47
  October. And we, I think we did keep
• 16:50
  into, I kept in contact. We were texting.
• 16:53
  We were texting, but it was, yeah, this was early text
• 16:55
  messages and I was hard on the text message.
• 16:59
  I didn't really pick up the phone.
• 17:00
  I. Was a caller like, can you just,
• 17:02
  if you want to have this conversation, can we just talk
• 17:04
  about it? Yeah, this is what you're right.
• 17:05
  This is the early days of like texting before you had really
• 17:09
  long conversations over the phone on texting.
• 17:13
  And then where where texts? Like unless you had an unlimited
• 17:16
  plan, you got so many texts a month each billing cycle.
• 17:19
  Depending on I think that was my work phone.
• 17:21
  It was we we didn't even get into that sidebar.
• 17:24
  That's right, the number. That he gave me the number that
• 17:28
  tell it to. Me.
• 17:29
  Was her work cell phone number. I didn't get her real cell phone
• 17:34
  number until later and that's how I found out she was from
• 17:38
  Detroit. I was.
• 17:40
  Like, oh, this is. I mean the area code where.
• 17:43
  Are you from, It seems like Detroit, like, OK, OK.
• 17:47
  Because he hit me with the cell mode 3 number.
• 17:49
  I was just like Virginia, the Virginia boy.
• 17:53
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So.
• 17:55
  That's when that's when you had to carry 2 phones, a personal
• 17:58
  phone, a work phone like you which.
• 18:00
  One was a BlackBerry. My personal one.
• 18:05
  I knew there was a blackboard. Yes, 3 Storey buttons.
• 18:09
  That little button in the middle that you know the person.
• 18:12
  I had the person. Yes, old school.
• 18:15
  Oh my goodness. So Terrence, when you said you
• 18:18
  re engaged after homecoming, I was like OK, it was September
• 18:22
  when you met her. OK you probably had already.
• 18:26
  Well, you have to have your homecoming already mapped out.
• 18:29
  You. Already knew what it is she was
• 18:31
  going to. You likely knew who was coming
• 18:34
  in town and you did not expect a wife, so walk up to you a month.
• 18:39
  Did not. Did not.
• 18:40
  Month before because she a wife OK, she was born a wife baby.
• 18:44
  You just made it official. Yes, yes, full blown wife walked
• 18:47
  up to you like but the fact that you knew and you said I'm a I'm
• 18:54
  not going to go in full throttle because I already know what I'm
• 18:57
  about to do right. I have a there's, there's a
• 19:01
  certain respect there a little bit because you're like, I'm not
• 19:05
  going to bring her into no foolery, but.
• 19:07
  Right, right. That's exactly what it would
• 19:09
  have been. Foolery.
• 19:10
  Foolery. Yes, that's exactly what it was.
• 19:14
  And and Ayanna, I'm, I'm glad that you allowed him to re
• 19:18
  engage. Yeah.
• 19:19
  I did because again, I felt like we kind of had that connection.
• 19:23
  I thought he was super cute, you know, and during that time, it's
• 19:28
  not like I was just sitting there like waiting, like I was
• 19:30
  still going out, hanging out, kicking it, going happy hours,
• 19:34
  you know, connecting with new work people, you know, I was.
• 19:38
  And then I had a heck of a commute.
• 19:39
  I was going from Upper Marlboro to Pass Falls Church, I think it
• 19:45
  was Vienna. And so that took up a lot of
• 19:48
  time just commuting. And so it's not like I was like
• 19:52
  patiently waiting. But you know, we kept in touch
• 19:55
  and tested every now and then. I think we did.
• 19:57
  Did we go out before? We did, we did.
• 19:59
  We went out. I think that was that was our
• 20:02
  marathon outing when I was late picking you up, I.
• 20:06
  Was late for the first day y'all.
• 20:08
  I was late. I was late for the first day.
• 20:10
  I called was like my bad I'm sorry I overslept so.
• 20:14
  Because he was hitting in the club socially.
• 20:17
  Yeah, another late night out, but.
• 20:18
  Still gave them a chance. Don't give up, ladies.
• 20:20
  So I went and picked her up and so I get to her house to pick
• 20:26
  her up and my you, I'm still in barista myself and I'm just
• 20:30
  like, man, she's got a house man.
• 20:33
  Kind of supposed to be a super barista.
• 20:37
  Not super. So your your position was not on
• 20:40
  the business card just like your name, number, stop.
• 20:43
  It was it was I pay attention. I did I.
• 20:46
  Didn't pay attention to it. It was she gave that to me in
• 20:48
  the club. I put the number in my phone and
• 20:50
  the car and just. And.
• 20:52
  Push it. No, OK.
• 20:54
  Oh, picked up that day. We spent the whole day together.
• 20:57
  We went, we went out to somewhere it was far Leesburg, I
• 21:01
  think the outlets out of Leesburg.
• 21:04
  So drove out there shop eight came back, came back.
• 21:09
  We just, you know, going back to what she said, it was just easy.
• 21:13
  Even though I was late, we still had a good time that day and it
• 21:17
  was just easy. And then, you know, that turned
• 21:21
  into, you know, more dates and. The whole for homecoming.
• 21:25
  And then right before, I think it was right before the holiday,
• 21:28
  I wasn't, after the holidays it was.
• 21:29
  Before Thanksgiving. So I was going home for
• 21:32
  Thanksgiving to Michigan to visit my family.
• 21:34
  Yep and then I told her tell my future in laws.
• 21:40
  I said hello. I was so bad.
• 21:42
  She was so. She was so.
• 21:44
  She was fire hot. I was getting mad.
• 21:46
  She was. Mad.
• 21:47
  I couldn't believe, he said. Why?
• 21:48
  I don't know it. That's so rude.
• 21:51
  It's inappropriate and. Here we are.
• 21:54
  Here we are. Yes, I know my mother was.
• 21:56
  Early, right? So, but like, did you really
• 22:00
  mean it or were you just being cute and funny?
• 22:02
  I meant that he who finds a wife.
• 22:03
  He who? Finds a good thing.
• 22:05
  I have found my wife and my good thing and I met that I meant
• 22:09
  that from the the the pit of my soul.
• 22:12
  And he called me to this day when we go missing my parents.
• 22:15
  I mean, Terrence, it was so early, you had done the
• 22:20
  homecoming fumble and now you're talking about if somebody's
• 22:24
  future son-in-law in a matter of months.
• 22:27
  In a two months man. So this is for your listeners
• 22:31
  that that you know that that are watching and listening to this
• 22:35
  when a man knows he knows and I knew she was different.
• 22:39
  I told I called my mom. I called my mother was like I
• 22:44
  found the the the one I had AI remember that conversation with
• 22:50
  my mom like it was yesterday. Even my mom was like like I had
• 22:56
  never had that type of conversation with that level of
• 22:59
  intensity where my mom was like, no, this is the one.
• 23:02
  So I knew. How did you know?
• 23:07
  It was like she said, it was just easy.
• 23:09
  You know, I've been in relationships before that were
• 23:11
  absolutely hard. And it was almost like jockeying
• 23:15
  for position, tit for tat. And this other, this one was
• 23:19
  easy. I mean, one of the times that we
• 23:21
  went out, this is when Lucky Strike was still open, you know,
• 23:24
  downtown Chinatown. You know, we went, we, this is
• 23:28
  another marathon date. We've been together all day That
• 23:31
  that was another sign our dates were.
• 23:34
  All. Day, all day.
• 23:35
  It wasn't like, hey, I'm going to come pick you up, take you
• 23:37
  out there deuces, and then I'm going to the club and hang out.
• 23:41
  No, I was intentional and I enjoyed hanging out with her.
• 23:46
  It was easy. But we were a lucky strike, you
• 23:49
  know, we we did get something to eat and I went up, I went to the
• 23:53
  bathroom and when I came back, she had paid the bill and I was
• 23:57
  like, whoa, what what what just happened?
• 24:01
  She was just like, Nah, it's good.
• 24:02
  I got it. And I was like, whoa.
• 24:05
  But also because in my mind, we we were going to the movies or
• 24:10
  something after that and he had paid for the movies and like our
• 24:15
  snacks earlier. So in my mind, I'm like, because
• 24:17
  we had just sat to have drinks. I think we had like drinks and
• 24:20
  an appetizer that we share. So I was like, I'll get it, you
• 24:23
  know, no big deal because he had bought movie tickets and all
• 24:27
  this other stuff. To me, I was just looking at it
• 24:29
  from the perspective of, Oh, let me just help out.
• 24:32
  And I know nowadays, ladies, I know, I know how we do we
• 24:35
  pulling out nothing. But again, we had already been
• 24:38
  on a couple of outings, a couple of dates, He had already paid
• 24:42
  for everything, picked me up, drove me home, you know, all the
• 24:46
  things. And so in my mind, like I can
• 24:49
  cover 2 drinks and appetizers since he already paid for all
• 24:52
  this stuff over here. That was just my line of
• 24:54
  thinking. I personally did not think it
• 24:56
  was a big deal. I really didn't think anything
• 24:59
  of it. I just painted and we was
• 25:01
  getting ready to leave anyway. It did something for him.
• 25:05
  Flight floor. What it do for you bro?
• 25:07
  What it do for you? I mean, it, it was, it was the
• 25:12
  ACT. It wasn't about the amount.
• 25:14
  It was the act that he did it. I mean, again, this was DC in
• 25:21
  2006. If anybody who's around this
• 25:24
  high, you know, especially brothers, you know, you just out
• 25:26
  on a date or a date, the expectation was you have been on
• 25:29
  one day or 1000 days. The expectation was, you know,
• 25:33
  you got it, which I didn't have a problem with.
• 25:35
  But again, the fact that she volunteered unprovoked and was
• 25:42
  just like, cool, made it. I was like, again, different
• 25:45
  that there were signs that she was different from the
• 25:49
  beginning. So going back to when she tapped
• 25:51
  me on the shoulders, he tried to pay for like a $3 bottle of
• 25:53
  water and I was just like, bottle of water, come on.
• 25:57
  And but she was always giving in that sense, always considerate.
• 26:04
  She would ask what I wanted to do or so it was just, it was a
• 26:08
  different vibe. And I guess at that point I've
• 26:11
  been through enough bad situations to where you really
• 26:17
  recognize when you got a gym when when you got, you know, D1.
• 26:23
  So I was trying to mess that up. Yeah, So what did you say to
• 26:29
  your mom? I mean, literally, I was like,
• 26:31
  Mom, I think I found my wife and she was, you know, like, oh,
• 26:37
  really? Tell me more.
• 26:39
  And I told us like we've been hanging out.
• 26:42
  I told her like she actually paid a bill, I mean, check and
• 26:47
  just other things because we were, when I made that phone
• 26:50
  call, we were out shopping again.
• 26:51
  See the thing here, we spend a lot of time stopping, eating it,
• 26:55
  doing other stuff. But we went to, I think it was
• 26:58
  PG Plaza Law story on that one. But it was a store over there, I
• 27:03
  think called Eddie Leonard. And we were in there like doing
• 27:06
  some random shopping and she picked up like some jeans and a
• 27:11
  coat and she was like, oh, I think you would look nice in
• 27:13
  these. And she bought them.
• 27:15
  And I was like. Now I bought them by this point
• 27:20
  it's was it February. Yeah, I think it was February.
• 27:23
  It was a Valentine's gift. So again, unheard of, unheard.
• 27:27
  I was like, well, and then the the other telltale sign was my,
• 27:33
  my crew. I was going to ask about them.
• 27:37
  The the crew was like, dude, you don't hang out with us.
• 27:40
  No, for like, like T like what's what, what's the deal, man?
• 27:44
  And they, they gave her a nickname of Starbucks.
• 27:47
  They was like, you're going to hang out with Starbucks again.
• 27:49
  I was like, yeah, they was like, I'm like, I'm like, bro, I'm.
• 27:53
  Life is better with. Starbucks want me to say it's
• 27:56
  like like you always with her. I'm just like.
• 27:59
  Like that's the point bro. Yep, so that's when when you
• 28:04
  start getting harassed by your fellows and you don't care,
• 28:06
  that's always another sounds like alright man, y'all got to
• 28:08
  do what y'all got to do. I'm out peace.
• 28:10
  I mean, then I brought her to we spent, we spent New Year's Eve
• 28:15
  together that year at Cafe Asia, so.
• 28:20
  Yo, I have not heard that in so long.
• 28:24
  So. The places have come and gone in
• 28:27
  DC. Where was Cafe Asia?
• 28:32
  Well, it was downtown somewhere. Don't even get any signs.
• 28:35
  That's all I can remember is downtown, I can't remember
• 28:37
  where. I want to say like 14th.
• 28:38
  Street we went through like 18 side door like they go through
• 28:42
  the front it was. I knew the promoters were
• 28:45
  parties though. Yeah, we probably knew the same
• 28:48
  purse. Yeah, pretty sure we did.
• 28:52
  It's an offline conversation. Right.
• 28:54
  OK. Wow.
• 28:55
  So Cafe Asia. Yep, continue.
• 29:00
  Oh, we just hung out for. It was New Year's Eve.
• 29:03
  I hadn't made any plans. I think I asked him what he was
• 29:06
  doing at the last minute. Or like, the day before the day
• 29:10
  of, like, hey, what are you doing?
• 29:11
  Like I'm going to Cafe Asia. I was like, oh, can I tag along?
• 29:13
  You don't mind if I go? He's like, sure.
• 29:17
  I think my hair was probably just like this.
• 29:19
  My hair was not done. I threw on a dress as the boots
• 29:22
  and I just went out. We just hung out.
• 29:25
  And after that I think we kind of knew like we were, you know
• 29:29
  who did? There's the old wives tale is
• 29:32
  whoever you kiss on New Year's Eve is who you going to be with
• 29:35
  for the year. That's what happened.
• 29:37
  And then that turned into many more Ayanna.
• 29:42
  How do you know that he was the one mainly?
• 29:44
  Because it was just easy and he was just so, so kind.
• 29:51
  Like there's a difference between niceness and kindness.
• 29:54
  Nice is, oh, you look nice today.
• 29:57
  Kind is, oh, let me help you do XYZ.
• 30:00
  You know, it's, it's that real key difference.
• 30:02
  And I know for me, one of the real funny but main factors, he
• 30:08
  was over to my house one day and he was looking at my thermostat
• 30:12
  and he was like, this thing is ancient.
• 30:14
  I'm like, yeah, but it works. But, you know, I think my gas
• 30:18
  bill is probably a little too high because of it.
• 30:20
  You know, whatever, whatever. Didn't say anything else about
• 30:22
  it. We went out, you know, had a
• 30:24
  good time, whatever. Like a couple days later, maybe
• 30:27
  like by that weekend or whatever it was, he sells up back to my
• 30:30
  house. He told me he was coming.
• 30:32
  He sells up back to my house with a bag from Home Depot and
• 30:38
  in the bag was a new thermostat kit.
• 30:41
  You. Better.
• 30:44
  What is that? He says thermostat kit.
• 30:46
  I'm gonna I'm gonna change your thermostat for you.
• 30:49
  And I went so like floor because again, I don't think anybody up
• 30:54
  to that point had been that kind, that considerate to do
• 30:58
  something that I would have never thought to ask him to do
• 31:02
  is change my thermostat. And I knew, I guess this is
• 31:06
  probably the point where I knew he was the one.
• 31:08
  That's because I trusted him to do it.
• 31:11
  I didn't for a minute say he wants to mess up my whole HVAC
• 31:14
  system. He wants to tear my electrical
• 31:17
  grid up like I never I didn't have those thoughts.
• 31:19
  But while he's doing that I should make him something to eat
• 31:22
  right? And so that this is giving
• 31:24
  husband and wife. Exactly.
• 31:27
  And it was just so wild. To me, because you never would
• 31:30
  have thought again, it's just something you couldn't have
• 31:32
  thought of, like somebody kindly changing my thermostat to make
• 31:37
  something easier for me to save some money.
• 31:40
  I'm not gas bill, you know, things like that.
• 31:43
  And again, because I trusted him to do it was a real game changer
• 31:48
  in, in comparison to all my past relationships.
• 31:50
  Whereas anybody else, if this would have been five years ago,
• 31:53
  10 years in Atlanta, somebody would have showed up.
• 31:55
  I'm like you not about to mess up my system and put this in.
• 31:58
  It would have been that it wasn't that time.
• 32:02
  I I unequivocally trusted him to do it.
• 32:04
  And that level of kindness just really took it off the top for
• 32:08
  me. That's awesome you.
• 32:10
  Better labor love, Terrence. I'm here for it.
• 32:12
  OK, You better put in some work. OK, but I was sweating bullets
• 32:17
  while. He was.
• 32:18
  I was sweating bullets. While I was when.
• 32:19
  That thermostat is so I've. Never installed a thermostat.
• 32:23
  Before, but of course not I'm. Technical though, I was just.
• 32:27
  Like how hard can this be? It's got some wires unplugged.
• 32:30
  The other one put the new one in.
• 32:32
  But that one that she had when she said anxious, it was
• 32:35
  anxious. Little turned out you know it
• 32:37
  when you turn it and I bought this big digital you can program
• 32:41
  it, you know you know me so you was already deep into.
• 32:45
  The cyber, the cyber journey, OK, it was the beginning, but.
• 32:48
  I I got it installed. And it it it worked.
• 32:51
  Wow. And I also.
• 32:52
  Hear that? It was a little more than
• 32:54
  kindness. It was care.
• 32:55
  He cared about the experience you were having.
• 32:58
  So I love that you took action because love is action.
• 33:02
  It's listening and a fine guess. So I love that.
• 33:05
  So the two of you both talk about meeting and there being an
• 33:10
  attraction. What mattered more than that for
• 33:12
  you all to be able to move forward?
• 33:15
  You can tell the story how you want to tell the story.
• 33:18
  I'll help her out with this one. So.
• 33:20
  So this is probably after we've been dating for a while, then
• 33:24
  you know, this, this no remind the audience that, you know, I
• 33:28
  still was, I still was happy hour and then hanging out.
• 33:32
  And honestly, she was she would be with me some of those times.
• 33:36
  But you know, she hit me with the, I call it the ultimatum of
• 33:40
  of sorts. And she basically said like,
• 33:43
  hey, look, I enjoy hanging out with you.
• 33:47
  This is great. This is cool.
• 33:48
  But one of us is going to have to have a lifestyle change and
• 33:53
  it's not going to be me. I mean, she looked at me.
• 33:55
  No, I'm dead in my face. And this is this is bold.
• 33:58
  This is the face to face combo, not a text.
• 34:01
  This is not a text, it's a. Text and I was like whoa, like
• 34:07
  OK, and I had a. Decision to make.
• 34:10
  And obviously we. Know how the story?
• 34:13
  Ended, you know, going back to it was something that I was
• 34:17
  looking for that I didn't know that I needed.
• 34:19
  I think it was really at that point where I realized what I
• 34:23
  needed and, you know, I, I needed to do some things
• 34:27
  differently if I wanted to get different results.
• 34:30
  And what she was saying went wrong.
• 34:31
  I didn't even, it's hard to catch me speechless.
• 34:34
  And that was one of those times I, I didn't have a snappy
• 34:37
  comeback rebuttal. It was like he hit me, just
• 34:40
  punched me in the chest like, and I was like, oh, but The
• 34:43
  funny thing is, it wasn't. Really meant to be a ultimatum
• 34:46
  in that moment. Like I wasn't asking him to make
• 34:49
  a life decision choice right in that moment.
• 34:52
  This was just in the broader course of a conversation because
• 34:56
  we were probably talking about hanging out and the next day and
• 34:58
  him going out and all these plans I got.
• 35:00
  And I was just like, you know, one of us are going to is going
• 35:04
  to have to have a lifestyle change and it's not going to be
• 35:06
  me. And what I really meant by that
• 35:08
  was, you know, the hanging out was cool.
• 35:10
  I can't hang out that much. I'm not hanging out with you on
• 35:13
  Wednesday nights because I'm in Bible study.
• 35:16
  I'm not hanging out with you super, super late on Saturday
• 35:18
  nights because I'm going to church.
• 35:20
  I grew up Church of Christ. A lot of people know that some
• 35:23
  people don't exercise Church of Christ.
• 35:24
  And had I always been super dedicated in the church in the
• 35:28
  world, Absolutely not. God's still working on me.
• 35:30
  So even back then, you know, I wasn't, you know, the poster
• 35:36
  child from the Church of Christ, but I had made some decisions,
• 35:40
  you know, especially once I moved to this area of how I was
• 35:44
  going to serve God. And what I meant when I said
• 35:46
  that to him was essentially, I can't allow your lifestyle to, I
• 35:52
  can't come into your lifestyle to change the life decisions and
• 35:55
  the lifestyle that I've chosen, which is more centered with God.
• 35:59
  And I was very adamant about that.
• 36:01
  And so in that moment when I said it, it wasn't the ultimate,
• 36:04
  you know, ultimatum and decide today and what is this going to
• 36:07
  be? And you know, you're going to be
• 36:08
  in church. So that's it.
• 36:09
  It wasn't even like that. I just realized he likes to
• 36:13
  party a lot. OK, cool.
• 36:15
  We can't do that a lot. Remember, I'm focused on my
• 36:18
  career. I was trying to climb this
• 36:20
  corpus at AI, got a job to be at every morning at 8:30, you know,
• 36:23
  And so it wasn't, it was a it was an ultimatum, but to him.
• 36:29
  But that wasn't necessarily my full intent when I said it.
• 36:34
  Yeah. Yeah, I can hear that.
• 36:36
  So what was the transition period like from the moment you
• 36:42
  have the conversation to actually the lifestyle change?
• 36:48
  Man, now that that probably. Could be a podcast in itself,
• 36:51
  but you know, it's not. It's not.
• 36:55
  Hit you with. That one in a nutshell.
• 36:57
  So we, you know, we kept hanging out and I did start pulling back
• 37:01
  from, you know, some of my shenanigans and hanging out and,
• 37:05
  you know, distancing, starting to distance myself from
• 37:08
  unhealthy people. But, you know, the best analogy
• 37:12
  I probably can give is you like the prodigal son, you know,
• 37:15
  choices have consequences. And, you know, I entered a phase
• 37:20
  of life to where, you know, me trying to outrun my past caught
• 37:24
  up with me and that had some consequences.
• 37:27
  And that was when, you know, a lot of the friends disappeared.
• 37:33
  A lot of the club fandom, I would say, went away.
• 37:38
  And it was just, you know, me, honestly, it felt like it was
• 37:41
  me, myself and I. And in those moments of life
• 37:45
  when, you know, you basically, essentially lose everything from
• 37:51
  a material and a social and physical perspective, you really
• 37:56
  see who's in your corner. And she was there.
• 38:01
  Yeah. My mom was there and my family.
• 38:04
  Was there, but the way that she showed up for me when everybody
• 38:10
  who had always said they was not, you know, no matter what we
• 38:14
  think it's thieves, you know, we down like, you know, full flat
• 38:17
  tires that that's cool until the heat gets turned up and you
• 38:21
  really get to see who's going to be your ride or die.
• 38:24
  And this this was my ride or die.
• 38:27
  And she loved me during a period of life that I didn't really
• 38:32
  know if I loved myself. I was I was angry with me.
• 38:36
  I was, you know, frustrated that I'd allowed people around me to
• 38:41
  lead me down a path that I shouldn't have been in.
• 38:45
  But that was me. I wasn't mad at them.
• 38:48
  I, I was there. I made those no choices and had
• 38:51
  to deal with the consequences. But it's in those moments when
• 38:57
  you know, it's when you're at the, I guess the bottom of the
• 39:00
  the pit where you can see clearest.
• 39:04
  And I, I saw everything that she saw in me that I didn't see it
• 39:11
  myself. And again, she was kind.
• 39:15
  She, I mean again, just her heart and how she was there for
• 39:21
  me when. Everybody that I thought.
• 39:24
  Would have been there like rolled out.
• 39:28
  You know, I really can't even articulate that in in words.
• 39:31
  But brother McClure, you know, it's her God.
• 39:34
  You guys, as Godfather always says, when people show you who
• 39:37
  they are, believe them. And I had a whole bunch of
• 39:40
  people that showed me who they were from a negative
• 39:44
  perspective, and I wasn't always in belief of that.
• 39:47
  And she showed me who she was by her actions and being present
• 39:51
  and being there when it wasn't popular.
• 39:53
  I mean, I mean, a lot of, yeah, a lot of people would have shook
• 39:58
  the deuces to me. Like, I'm gonna let you.
• 39:59
  You got a lot going on over there for us.
• 40:01
  So I'm gonna hit you with the deuces.
• 40:03
  So how far in? Were you all when the this
• 40:06
  period of time came? About 6-7, yeah.
• 40:10
  About 6-7 months, yeah. Well, yeah, you could have,
• 40:13
  definitely. Been like.
• 40:14
  I got a gun I could have easily. Been like OK but I had no
• 40:17
  expectations now I'll. Put that I never put pressure on
• 40:20
  her. I had I had 0 expectation of her
• 40:24
  to delay her life or to put herself on hold while I was
• 40:29
  trying to figure out my life. Yeah.
• 40:32
  And that's what made. It even more.
• 40:36
  I guess impressive. That she, it seems like she
• 40:40
  started coming around more because she just knew that's
• 40:43
  what I needed because everybody else, it kind of rolled out.
• 40:46
  But and then the interactions that she had with my mom for the
• 40:51
  first time and my mom was like, yeah, that's the one.
• 40:54
  Like that's the one. My mom, I, I joke with her.
• 40:57
  I was like, if my mom had to choose between one of us, she
• 41:00
  choose her. She choose her.
• 41:01
  I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
• 41:04
  OK. Yeah.
• 41:05
  So, Ayanna. I want you to respond to that.
• 41:07
  I'm like just naturally and hearing that because there's
• 41:10
  there's so much in there. Yeah.
• 41:12
  So I never. Had a plan I never made a
• 41:16
  definitive decision like I'm going to stick with him through
• 41:19
  thick and thin because again, this is 671's in and so I really
• 41:23
  just kind of took it day by day. I continue to live my life, you
• 41:26
  know, I still had a career. I still had bills to pay.
• 41:30
  I still had cats to take care of, you know, And so I felt like
• 41:34
  what I was doing was, you know, just not necessarily normal, but
• 41:40
  just being a good friend. And it didn't cost me anything
• 41:45
  per SE. It didn't take a lot to be a
• 41:48
  friend. It didn't feel, you know, like I
• 41:52
  got to go over there. He going to be sad and all his
• 41:55
  mom is here. I might have to get them
• 41:56
  something to eat like it did. It never felt like that.
• 42:00
  It always just felt like he's going through some stuff all his
• 42:05
  people have rolled out. How can I be a good friend in
• 42:08
  this moment? It was hard, it was heavy, it
• 42:10
  took forever it seemed like. But again, I never looked at it
• 42:15
  from the perspective of once this is all over, we're going to
• 42:18
  be married and be great. It wasn't that because I didn't
• 42:21
  know that. I couldn't even fan of that,
• 42:23
  right? And so me being there, one,
• 42:26
  that's just the kind of person I am, I guess.
• 42:29
  Yeah. And to, you know, just being a
• 42:32
  friend to someone I liked, someone who was kind and cared
• 42:37
  for me, who was going through it, who I thought could use a
• 42:40
  friend. And that really is all there is
• 42:42
  to it because there's no way you could ever, you know, plan for
• 42:45
  that or, you know, you can't fix it.
• 42:48
  It's completely out of your hands.
• 42:49
  It's completely out of your control.
• 42:51
  So I was honestly just rolling with things day-to-day.
• 42:54
  I was going to work. I was traveling for work.
• 42:56
  I had stuff to do, you know, I still go home and see my family
• 43:00
  and, you know, in the in the between times, you know, we were
• 43:04
  still friends and we still hung in there.
• 43:06
  So what I'm? Hearing is that you?
• 43:08
  Had a full life no matter what Terrance had going on, correct?
• 43:12
  Correct. Yeah, I mean and I and I think
• 43:14
  that's. Really important because some
• 43:15
  people, they get fixated on their person and they make their
• 43:20
  life, they shrink their life down, and then that person
• 43:23
  literally becomes the center. And then they're.
• 43:26
  Yeah, that that can come with some challenges, for sure.
• 43:30
  Absolutely. She was kicking it.
• 43:32
  She was in Greece. She still dollars.
• 43:34
  She was still in the Bahamas. Oh yeah.
• 43:38
  Listen, she was living, she was living and still present for you
• 43:44
  at the same time. I love that.
• 43:47
  So then y'all, how did y'all? So then what's the next phase?
• 43:51
  You will make it through this rough patch.
• 43:53
  Then how do things continue to develop?
• 43:56
  Like how did y'all officially become like an item?
• 44:01
  Because y'all y'all were skipping.
• 44:03
  Steps y'all were, y'all were like y'all kind of met and then
• 44:07
  once he reengaged, y'all was basically together off from the
• 44:10
  beginning. Yeah, we were.
• 44:10
  But once, I mean once you. Know she she nurtured me through
• 44:16
  I would say this rough patch. It was just I guess.
• 44:20
  It was AI. Don't think it was a light
• 44:22
  switch on like this is, but I was.
• 44:29
  I guess the mindset was. More so I was more intentional
• 44:35
  because got it removed all of the distraction noise.
• 44:41
  Yes, he will. So now I was really focused on
• 44:46
  becoming. Honestly, the man.
• 44:51
  That could provide for her, who could meet her where she was.
• 44:55
  And that's when, you know, I probably started, you know,
• 44:59
  popping up at church because we didn't, I mean, I was going to
• 45:02
  church throughout this, this whole ordeal, but I became
• 45:05
  really more intentional with that.
• 45:08
  And yeah, we just, you know, we, I, I guess I would say to answer
• 45:15
  that is probably when it really, really clicked is when we talked
• 45:19
  to Brother McClure and was like, hey, we, we should start doing
• 45:22
  some pre pre engagement counseling.
• 45:24
  So we were thinking about, you know, the next step, but.
• 45:28
  There are no. Proposals.
• 45:30
  So this and that was I think that was actually brother.
• 45:32
  Mcclure's suggestion? And that's one and that's.
• 45:35
  Like one of the things. I have recommended to like every
• 45:38
  young couple ever since get your.
• 45:41
  Premarital counseling. Before you get the rain right,
• 45:46
  go through that because you've already said yes.
• 45:49
  You said yes, you got. A ring.
• 45:51
  You told everybody you picked out venues, you might have a
• 45:55
  dress and it's going to be some stuff that comes out in those
• 45:59
  counseling sessions. If you have a good counselor,
• 46:03
  there's going to be some stuff that comes out and you don't
• 46:06
  want to be in a position where you have to pull back.
• 46:09
  And you've already told everybody you got this beautiful
• 46:12
  ring that you excited about the wedding, right?
• 46:16
  And so I think that was a key differentiator for us as well.
• 46:20
  Is that on Brother Mcclure's recommendation?
• 46:24
  We actually started premarital counseling long before we got
• 46:28
  engaged, you know, ring shopping, any of that.
• 46:32
  And I felt like that was super, super healthy and really, really
• 46:36
  helpful. Did some surprises come up?
• 46:38
  Sure. Was it difficult?
• 46:40
  Yeah. Did you know we have to have
• 46:42
  some difficult conversations? Yeah.
• 46:43
  But honestly, that's what premarital counseling is for.
• 46:46
  Like, that's what it's meant to do, is for you to really think
• 46:49
  about things that married couples don't tell you.
• 46:53
  Exactly. Because I think.
• 46:56
  Yep, and it really. Helped us get to know each other
• 47:00
  on a deeper level and then get to know each other's family
• 47:04
  histories on a deeper level because that's one of the things
• 47:07
  you don't often think about when the 2 become one.
• 47:10
  You're bringing that family history into that as well.
• 47:13
  So I mean, we had conversations about, you know, who's going to
• 47:16
  be the money manager? You know, what's your
• 47:17
  relationship with money? What's your credit score?
• 47:20
  I mean, you literally all of these conversations.
• 47:23
  So when we actually got to the point where I proposed, we had
• 47:27
  already, I mean, we, we keep saying I guess on this easy
• 47:31
  thing, but we had done a lot of the hard work.
• 47:35
  I mean, had happened before the two actually became 1.
• 47:40
  So my mindset was if we can make it through that, if we can make
• 47:44
  it through anything. And that's where this whole Team
• 47:47
  Jackson mindset came into play, that we, we are a team, you
• 47:52
  know, the 2 become one, leave and cleave.
• 47:54
  That was our thing. We're going to leave and cleave
• 47:56
  and the two became 1. And that's how we've, you know,
• 47:59
  we've known each other what for basically 20 years now been
• 48:02
  married 15. And you know, we were Team
• 48:05
  Jackson before, you know, before we got married, we were Team
• 48:08
  Jackson. We just made it official.
• 48:14
  Yeah, y'all were like when? You just talk about it.
• 48:17
  It's like y'all had a natural rhythm and it just, it, they
• 48:22
  were, y'all just did and it's organic.
• 48:24
  I just think that's so beautiful.
• 48:26
  And just like how God is so intentional and how how many
• 48:31
  storylines had to even match up for both of y'all to be in DC at
• 48:36
  CBC UB thirsty at the moment. He's standing there.
• 48:40
  Like all of that. Like a lot of things, had to.
• 48:44
  Yes. It's like it's.
• 48:46
  Giving movie because you're living your own, you know what
• 48:49
  I'm saying? Your own plot, you're your main
• 48:51
  character. He's doing his own ET in the
• 48:53
  club, Big T and yeah, yeah, all that.
• 48:57
  All the things. I like when I hear things.
• 49:01
  I play a movie in my mind, so I'm seeing all of this.
• 49:04
  OK, there you go. So.
• 49:08
  It sounds. Like there wasn't a.
• 49:10
  Moment as much as an organic thing, but like, was it just
• 49:14
  like, annoying? Like, are we together?
• 49:16
  Like what? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 49:19
  I mean to me. Yeah, 'cause she was still
• 49:23
  there, I guess, you know, after I emerged or reemerged.
• 49:27
  So I'm just like, we didn't go through all that to now, right?
• 49:31
  Not be together. So I mean you mind.
• 49:37
  I know, so you might you. Might you're not going to you
• 49:40
  I'm sorry and that just. Made me think about, but it's
• 49:43
  it's not a good comparison, but it's not.
• 49:45
  It just made me think about. I don't know if y'all familiar
• 49:48
  with Neo and his polyamorous relationship.
• 49:52
  And he was. So he's in a relationship with
• 49:57
  Neo, the singer Neo. Yeah.
• 49:59
  OK, yes. Unfortunately, I am aware that
• 50:03
  right? And so it was just interesting
• 50:05
  how he was like, no, they could do whatever they want.
• 50:08
  But then they're like, I think it was on Sherry where I seen
• 50:10
  it. And he was like, well, if they
• 50:12
  gave me their commitment, then it's mine.
• 50:14
  It's mine. But you like you say they free
• 50:17
  to do what they want, but OK. But I get it.
• 50:21
  You professing your love. She was yours.
• 50:24
  And the behaviors aligned because some people they'd be.
• 50:28
  Like you mine and they. Not doing.
• 50:32
  Yeah. So y'all had some challenging
• 50:35
  times, but were there ever any doubts?
• 50:39
  And if so, how did you like navigate through those and
• 50:42
  overcome them? Yeah, I.
• 50:44
  Mean, I mean, I think the doubts were, you know, are we, is he
• 50:50
  going to be able to come to this situation hole?
• 50:53
  You know you can't predict. Anything you can only hope and
• 50:58
  pray and you know, just kind of be the best person that you can
• 51:02
  be during a situation like that. And so the doubt was really just
• 51:07
  not so much is he the one? Are we going to be together?
• 51:10
  The doubt was is he going to be able to overcome his challenges?
• 51:15
  Is he going to be able to come through this situation?
• 51:18
  You know, not even different or you know, anything like that,
• 51:22
  just like is he going to overcome it?
• 51:24
  You know, is the situation going to ruin his life?
• 51:27
  You know, is there going to be a life for him to have?
• 51:30
  And so, so much that that was out of my control, that the
• 51:35
  doubt was just. It's in God's hands.
• 51:38
  We'll see. Yeah.
• 51:40
  You know, yeah. That's so powerful.
• 51:43
  And Terrence, this sounds like, yeah, a whole other episode in a
• 51:47
  testimony that needs to be given for sure.
• 51:50
  Absolutely. Absolutely.
• 51:52
  You know what I will say, You know, about that.
• 51:56
  You know, my mom in in retrospect, told me what her
• 52:01
  prayer used to be for me on a daily basis.
• 52:05
  And it was for me to be humble. She used to pray for my
• 52:11
  humility. What she did know is how God was
• 52:13
  going to bring that to bear. So, you know, are there things
• 52:18
  that if, you know, if I had a, you know, time machine, I
• 52:20
  probably would have went back and told my younger self to do
• 52:23
  differently? Absolutely.
• 52:25
  But, you know, sometimes no, all the time.
• 52:30
  God knows what you need to get you to where he's taking you.
• 52:34
  And as bad and dark as that situation was, it was necessary
• 52:41
  and. It was a blessing.
• 52:46
  Because. It.
• 52:48
  It's, it's a blessing to have things stripped away.
• 52:53
  And in that stripping away, you get to really see what's
• 52:56
  important. You get to really focus on the
• 53:00
  priorities in life. And once all the noise is gone,
• 53:05
  you get to really see how, oh, for me, I'll make it personal.
• 53:09
  I got this. See how reckless how just out of
• 53:14
  my mind from a thinking perspective that I was, but you
• 53:18
  know, not not to, you know, get too spiritual, but that's how
• 53:21
  the enemy works to those gentle nudges and the group think to
• 53:29
  where you just going along to get along and everything is fine
• 53:34
  until it's not. And then when you're, you know,
• 53:37
  alone and it's really just you and God, you just like, wow, OK,
• 53:44
  And that's at the point you it's still a choice.
• 53:47
  You you can either keep doing the same thing and you're
• 53:51
  probably going to get the same results, or you got to do
• 53:53
  something different. And I remember just praying one
• 53:56
  night. I was just like, Lord, I don't
• 53:58
  we going to take the steering wheel out the car.
• 54:00
  I don't even want to be in a car with the steering wheel.
• 54:02
  I want you to be the driver, because if the steering wheel is
• 54:04
  there, I might, I might touch it, I might want to take over.
• 54:08
  I was like, I've steered myself into this brick wall and I don't
• 54:12
  be a fool if I think I can just. And so Nah, give me, give me a
• 54:17
  new car with no steering wheel and I won't trust you.
• 54:21
  Listen, that's a different type of.
• 54:23
  Surrender. You took it to another level
• 54:24
  bro. Like take the steering wheel out
• 54:28
  the car. I like that.
• 54:30
  I like that a lot. And you know that stripping.
• 54:35
  Away when you're saying like that is a blessing, that's a
• 54:38
  gift. It doesn't feel like it when
• 54:39
  it's happening. And I think that's really an
• 54:42
  invitation to really come into relationship with God and really
• 54:49
  like, surrender essentially is what you're saying.
• 54:52
  And like, as awful as that is, I mean, you were saying that early
• 54:55
  about the stripping away. And I was like, yes, because I
• 54:58
  experienced my own stripping away, right?
• 55:01
  And the beauty and just coming out on the other side of it.
• 55:05
  And yeah, and then you're much further right, Like you've come
• 55:10
  out and. Gone like.
• 55:15
  Who knows how far from from where you were and your mother's
• 55:20
  prayer for you to be humble. When you said that, I was like,
• 55:25
  I don't even know what was going on, but in my head I heard pride
• 55:28
  comes before the fall. Yes, yes, yes.
• 55:31
  Yeah, yeah. Big big big tea needed to be
• 55:34
  humble, OK? OK.
• 55:38
  That's the thing for some. Sometimes that's that's the only
• 55:41
  way we learn. That is the only way we learn
• 55:45
  and God, God. Knew that that was the.
• 55:46
  Only way that I was, I was going to learn because the subtle, the
• 55:50
  subtle warnings weren't enough. So probably about a year or so
• 55:55
  before, you know, my world got turned upside down.
• 55:58
  I was at home from Alabama and my mom's minister drove me.
• 56:05
  Back to the airport. And no, we were just talking and
• 56:08
  he said something to me and he was just like, you know what?
• 56:12
  What you're doing ain't gonna work out right?
• 56:17
  And again, me, big T, big T, sitting there like, oh, man,
• 56:21
  what you mean I'm like, I ain't doing that.
• 56:23
  I'm just chilling. I'm having fun, you know,
• 56:25
  kicking party, probably kicking a party when you was my age too,
• 56:28
  you know? And he was just like Terrance.
• 56:32
  That ain't gonna work out right when they say your name like
• 56:37
  that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he did.
• 56:38
  He. Did he looked me dead in my
• 56:40
  eyes? But but it was just a lot of
• 56:44
  that just like, yeah, whatever, brushing it off.
• 56:46
  And God had sent me people to be like, hey, man, you probably
• 56:49
  want to, you know, rethink some things, man.
• 56:52
  I'm just, I'm living life and I used to, you've heard me say
• 56:55
  this in Bible study a couple of times, tell people I'm working
• 56:57
  on my testimony. And yeah, I was, I was
• 57:00
  absolutely working on my testimony.
• 57:02
  So in more ways than one. But you know, but that's that's
• 57:07
  stripping away allows you to really hear God's voice because
• 57:10
  God speaks in he's not going to scream.
• 57:13
  He's it's that still small voice, but we, the distractions,
• 57:19
  the noise, the busyness drowns him out.
• 57:23
  So sometimes, you know, he just got to take you out of where you
• 57:29
  are sometimes to allow his voice to be the loudest one in the
• 57:35
  world. Yeah, he will.
• 57:38
  Bench you, he will, and it's for your own good.
• 57:43
  May I'm just letting that sink? In it's a lot.
• 57:47
  Sinking. Yeah, it.
• 57:49
  Is I'm like in God? Is just he's.
• 57:54
  Just God like, he's just good, yeah.
• 57:57
  All the time and it's not and I think.
• 57:59
  And it's not. Go ahead.
• 58:02
  I was just going to say. I think what a lot of women in
• 58:04
  particular might miss in this scenario is that.
• 58:10
  You know God had to. Strip him down to build him back
• 58:14
  up. But he built him back up as the
• 58:18
  husband for me. He came into the church
• 58:24
  partially because of the example that I show, right?
• 58:30
  So I never. Beat him over the head and said
• 58:33
  you got to get your act together.
• 58:34
  You got to do this, you got to join the church you got to.
• 58:36
  I never said any of that when I told.
• 58:40
  Him that. One of us was going to have a
• 58:41
  lifestyle change. That's all I meant.
• 58:43
  It's like, OK, I'm going to go do this over here.
• 58:47
  I'm just going to do me and let me know what you want to do.
• 58:51
  And so in his humility, he gave his life to God 110% 100 and
• 58:59
  tempered like supersedes me. Sometimes it's like he texts me
• 59:04
  and but you need that right if you're going to have a husband
• 59:07
  and he's going to be the leader of your household and he's got
• 59:09
  and you right. And he does such a good example
• 59:14
  even for me at times and showing me how to be better, showing me
• 59:18
  how to get closer to God and showing me how to, you know,
• 59:22
  live a life that's holy for Christ.
• 59:24
  And it's an amazing turn around for him, right.
• 59:27
  And so I think as what I want the the women that are
• 59:31
  listening, particularly those who are, you know, in their
• 59:35
  single stage, you may be looking for made you may be single, you
• 59:39
  may be divorced, whatever it is. Be.
• 59:42
  Careful in how? You are looking at others, be
• 59:46
  careful and how you're looking at that because you, God is
• 59:49
  working on all of us. He's working on every single one
• 59:52
  of us and his testimony and the way God has literally built him
• 59:59
  back up from the ground up. I know it was also for me.
• 1:00:03
  It has benefited me and has benefited my family.
• 1:00:06
  And so a lot of times, you know, when we were going through that
• 1:00:08
  rough patch, you know, people were talking to me like, why are
• 1:00:10
  you still messing with him? Why are you still talking to
• 1:00:12
  him? And it was just.
• 1:00:14
  There's always something within me and I believe now it's that
• 1:00:17
  that still small voice that was just kind of reassuring me
• 1:00:21
  somehow in my spirit, somehow, I can't even tell you define
• 1:00:27
  exactly what it was, but I know now that that was God in my
• 1:00:31
  spirit telling me, just hang on, just just chill out, hang,
• 1:00:36
  fight. It's going to be fine.
• 1:00:37
  He was right, Yeah. And I love how you.
• 1:00:40
  Spoke to the women So Terrance, is there anything that you would
• 1:00:43
  say to men who are in a transition?
• 1:00:47
  They're not all the way together, but like, they want to
• 1:00:49
  be a good husband and like, you know, what, what, how, how would
• 1:00:53
  you, what would you say to them, a man?
• 1:00:56
  You got to 1st, you got to surrender and it's surrendering
• 1:01:00
  to to God. You know, song let go, let God.
• 1:01:02
  But that's, that's, that's real because the more you try to hold
• 1:01:07
  on to your life, you don't lose it.
• 1:01:09
  I mean, Jesus even said that. Say that again.
• 1:01:13
  Please, the more you try to hold.
• 1:01:15
  On to your life. The more you're going to lose
• 1:01:17
  it, but the more you surrender. I mean, is you can't even really
• 1:01:23
  put it into words, but you have to make that first step of
• 1:01:27
  surrendering and the world will have you believe that the life
• 1:01:32
  of a Christian is stuffy, legalistic.
• 1:01:35
  You're not going to have fun. It's dry because so we are going
• 1:01:39
  to need another podcast. So the other part of this story
• 1:01:43
  is I'm about to just drop a whole bomb and you got to need a
• 1:01:46
  machine. Go.
• 1:01:48
  I'm a PK so my father's a minister, so I never.
• 1:01:52
  I never knew this. Yeah.
• 1:01:55
  Yeah. And then no wonder why when you
• 1:01:57
  were getting driven back. But that wasn't your father
• 1:01:59
  driving you back to the airport. That said team was just like a
• 1:02:02
  workout. I'm OK.
• 1:02:02
  Yeah. I'm I'm a PK.
• 1:02:04
  So. This this platform.
• 1:02:08
  Always attract the PKS. I don't know what's happening.
• 1:02:11
  Like, there's so many that I'm like, and I find out in this
• 1:02:15
  moment, with the exception of like, Edwin, who I knew, right,
• 1:02:18
  Obviously was a big guy. But I'm like, why you a big guy?
• 1:02:21
  Your granddaddy? Yeah.
• 1:02:25
  But I'm just going back to that surrender.
• 1:02:27
  But I remember something my dad used to always, you know, say,
• 1:02:30
  you know, used to always say, read proverbs every every day,
• 1:02:33
  every month, you know, every day.
• 1:02:34
  Just pick a proverb and read it because you need to be wise for
• 1:02:38
  when tough times come. That's rich.
• 1:02:41
  Yeah, it was it. Is, but you really have to
• 1:02:45
  surrender and then in that letting go you.
• 1:02:49
  Gain so much. Freedom, you know, there is
• 1:02:52
  freedom in Christ. It's so it's, it's not, it's not
• 1:02:56
  the stuffiness, the legalistic, I can't do things.
• 1:03:00
  It's, it's the opposite. I mean, we have fun, we travel.
• 1:03:03
  I don't think you can imagine what it's.
• 1:03:05
  Going to be until you're there. I can't wait.
• 1:03:09
  Yeah, and it's. Because I used to have this
• 1:03:11
  mindset, all the things I couldn't do, oh, I'm not going
• 1:03:15
  to be able to do this. I'm can't go, that is, none of
• 1:03:18
  that is, but that's what the world wants you to believe.
• 1:03:23
  That's what the enemy wants you to believe.
• 1:03:25
  Because the enemy knows what God has put in you, what God has put
• 1:03:29
  in us. And his job is to kill, steal
• 1:03:32
  and destroy and destroy and to keep you from reaching your God
• 1:03:37
  filled potential. And until you let go and realize
• 1:03:42
  that you're not in control until you put God first, that putting
• 1:03:46
  God first is surrendering your will to his will.
• 1:03:49
  Putting God first means come, you know, hell or hot water.
• 1:03:54
  I'm going to trust you when I don't know how situations don't
• 1:03:57
  work out in the natural. I trust that you already release
• 1:04:02
  the answer in the spiritual. It's going to manifest itself in
• 1:04:07
  Earth as it is our Betty been released in heaven.
• 1:04:11
  That's a walk. It's a journey.
• 1:04:13
  But you have to start. It's his timing.
• 1:04:16
  You have to start though. That's the.
• 1:04:17
  That's the problem. Thank you, so juicy.
• 1:04:21
  We going to have to split this into two parts.
• 1:04:23
  OK, so you're going to have a Tuesday and a Thursday drop with
• 1:04:27
  this episode.