Latest / Coconut Justice / CJP #62: Nancy Dome
Transcript
- Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Hey everybody, welcome back Dr. Nancy Dome. Hey girl. Look at her, she's dancing like that because she just got back from a wonderful trip with her family. ⁓ Where'd you guys end up going? So before we do that, let's introduce ⁓ the cast. You went with your twin sister Dora and who else went with you? Dr Nancy Dome: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Yes, yes, yes. So. I Okay, so the first half of the trip was Dora and I. And then the second half of the trip, Dora's got these amazing, it's a group of black women who travel together about every 12 to 18 months and they go all over the world. So Dora was invited finally. They call themselves the big girls, you know, and they badasses and they travel around the world. So Dora's been trying to get on a big girls trip for a decade. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Hmm. Hey, what's good? Dr. Nancy Dome is a renowned speaker, author, coach, co-founder of Epoch Education and previous guest on the channel. Nancy is coming back to talk about her new book, This is my conversation with my big sister, ⁓ Dr. Nancy Dome. Before we get into it, remember to go to coconutjustice.com to get you some clothes that I think would look good on you. Dr Nancy Dome: but they keep telling her she ain't a big girl. finally she got invited to go to China two years ago and it like changed her everything. now that she's still not a big girl as they let us know the whole trip, but she's allowed to be there as a little girl. And because I had met a few of them, yeah, you don't get the jacket. You don't get the jacket. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): fascinated by the process of ⁓ writing a book. What's the process of how does the process go from idea to actually knowing that it's going to come out in print? ⁓ What's that like? You get to be there, but you don't get the jacket yet. Dr Nancy Dome: So, ⁓ and then I met a few of them and I knew a few, because a couple of them, Dora's known since we were, you know, in college. So I got invited because they had space to go on this trip. So Dora and I started in Kenya. ⁓ I connected with a girlfriend of mine, Louise, who owns ⁓ Cotter's 20s, 1920s safari camp in ⁓ the Maasai Mara in Kenya. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Let's go. Dr Nancy Dome: You know, I'm sure it's different for everyone. For me, I have to conceptualize it first. So this idea sat in my head for decades. But I think that what you're asking, for me, the shift is just deciding. It literally is making a decision to do it. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: It was the same with my first book, you know, I talked about it and then I remember my, the person who worked for me said, I can make it happen if you're ready. I... And she played a division one basketball at USIU. And so we met when I was playing div one volleyball and we kind of stayed in touch, but I hadn't seen her for years. And so she, welcomed us to her safari camp for a week. And then we met up with the, with the big girls in Ghana for a completely different experience. Like it was, it was, it was like a shock to the system. It's like being in Montana with in my town of 500 people and then going to downtown LA. And she's like, but if you say you're going to do it, then you're going to do it. And I was like, let's do it. And that's literally what it is. It's that decision. Because all of a sudden, I started scheduling every week. I had writing time every single week to get my stories together, to refine it. I made sure, because I work with the editor closely, that after I told my stories and we transcribed them, because that's how work, I can't type. by the time I type it, I've lost the thought. So I've got to record. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: Right. It was like, and doing that like that, like you get off and you and you're in the Zen and not only was it Zen, but it was, so do you remember when you would, I don't know if you went to camp, but I got to go to camp when they gave, you know, the poor kids, you know, a dollar, if you could come up with a dollar or $5, you could go to camp for a week, sleepover camp. So I got to do that a couple of times and I would cry every time I left, right. Cause it was like, you met all these people and it was just such a different environment. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: transcribe and then edit. so, ⁓ and then my commitment was that I never wanted to show up to a meeting with her with not reviewing the edits that we made, right? ⁓ And so when I, so every Wednesday. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ cool, yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: That two hour block is there, which means that I've got to do all my work before that Wednesday, you know, at 9 a.m. And and then it just happens, you know, then it just keeps going. And there is something about once you start, it's like, you know, bodybuilding or walking or, you know, whatever it is, you build that muscle. Once you get used to it, it becomes a habit. And once it's habit, it's very easy to maintain. Right. But it's getting into that habit. So for me, the other piece that I would say is accountability that And I honestly had this flashback to camp. I was leaving the safari camp and all of our team who, know, the guide, the Messiah guides that had us and then the people who served us, because you get the same person your whole stay. So the same person serves you your meals, the same person is your bartender, the same person is your guide and your spotter. And so they walked us to ⁓ the truck to take us to when we're going to the airport and Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Ahem. Mm-hmm. Huh. Dr Nancy Dome: like the fact that I had someone who expected something from me every Wednesday meant that I was gonna get it done, because I'm never gonna leave anybody hanging. Now I would have left myself hanging all day every, that Wednesday could have been Wednesday two months from now, but because there was somebody at the end of that, so that accountability for me, and I think for a lot of people really makes a big difference. I cried, was in there, I was bawling. But all of us were, it was such a homecoming. it took me, I'm still processing and I've been back a month, but it just, was something ⁓ that's hard to explain about being in a space where people see you. mean, it just, it's still, it's like, you're just your family. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Hahaha Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and that's such an important, what you just said about just make the decision and go, I tell people, pick where you wanna go and move your feet towards that spot. Whether it's a book, whether it's a toxic relationship, whether it's a job that you hate, all those things, just make the decision and move your feet and keep them moving, keep them moving. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: your family and they see you, they see you beyond this, they see you. yeah, I mean, I played volleyball with them. you know, they get this time in between shifts and they're like, you got to come play volleyball. Cause Louise told him I played volleyball. ⁓ I went back there and you know, ⁓ it was crazy. I mean, some of them are really, really good, you know? And so we just, but I felt like I felt like I had found my like lost long, you know, siblings and cousins and aunties and Right? That's right. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. ⁓ nice. Dr Nancy Dome: right? Yeah, because once you make that decision, there's something that's beautiful about the body. The body will follow that decision, right? And so when you say that, it's like, if I know that I need to get out of this toxic relationship, and I make the decision to get out, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: and everybody, yeah, was something else. And then we get on a plane and then it's like flying from New York to LA. So you got a five hour flight and we land in Accra and I'm like, woo, you know, I'm still weepy from leaving everybody and then I land in this city. you know, Ghana was a whole different experience. ⁓ You know, again, everybody's black. It's this thing. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): For real. Dr Nancy Dome: all of sudden things just start lining up opportunities that I might've missed because I didn't have that mindset. I didn't make that decision, right? And I see that happen all the time. When I decided I was done with higher ed, I made a decision, I'm done, I'm out within what? I think it was eight months. I sold everything I owned, including my house, and I was living in Europe. You know what I mean? It was like I made that decision and then stuff just started to unfold and then paying attention to our intuition. Your intuition is key. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Hahaha That's amazing. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: that, you know, I don't know if white folks get it when they're just in white spaces, because it's so normal for them. Right. But it's not for us. And so you go someplace and everybody and I, I don't, I don't realize here how much weight I carry every day until you don't have to carry it until it's not a thought. I am not thinking for one second about Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: is telling you something, believe it. know, because your gut is telling you the truth. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And, and, you know, it as wishy washy and woo woo, as people think is, you know, the secret and the manifestation rule and all those self help books that you read, it all boils down to that. Even the even the the the more ⁓ not unserious ones, you know, when people say fake it till you make it. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Dr Nancy Dome: my blackness for not for one second, except for just being in awe of looking around about how everywhere like, folks talking to me and, and they're like, you know, like that, like I'm like, I would know what, you know, like I'm, I lived like I'm a native, you know, for them. And then there is this one moment, you know, so everyone there with the big girls, they were looking at investing in properties and also looking at Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah, about how much you fit in. Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. Yeah. It really is. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): It's all the same. It's all the same. It's all pick where you want to be. What do you want to be known as? What do you want to be when you grow up? However you want to address your point B, your current situation, your current place is point A. You pick point B. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ cool. Dr Nancy Dome: citizenship, you know, like what does it take? Cause you know, a crazy year, just more faces. so, so we went to the minister of the diaspora and we went to his office and he, we were sitting around and he's talking, know, asking questions, giving us information. And you know, the women kept asking, know, like, what does it take? And he's like, well, one, you got to show investment into Ghana, you know. Mm-hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): just in case. and then you fill in whatever the sentence needs to be to motivate you. If it's put foot to ass, then keep saying put foot to ass. If it's fake until you make it, then you keep saying that until you've made it. And you need to understand that again, putting up those protective boundaries, not letting anyone distract you from where point B is. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah? Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: And, like, one of the things we did, part of the money we paid for this trip was to support this girl school. And we bought benches, benches and tables and, you know, and gave money. He's like, things like that, you know, things that show that you have an interest. You're not, it's not just about what you take from here. It's what you give here. And then they kept coming back to this like DNA question. Like I did my ancestry and he's like, listen, he's like, it doesn't matter. Mm-hmm. That's right. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): and be protective of your time and your attention and all that stuff that goes into making point B happen and get there. ⁓ cool. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, yeah. And I would even add to that. like, you know, it's being aware. Let me turn my do not disturb back off. It's being aware that that sometimes those distractions like that's where your gut and intuition come in. Right. Because I also am a firm believer that I can have a plan. But what do they say? You know, God loves nothing better than a well, you know, a plan because it's not that happen. But without that plan. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: what your DNA says because every African left here from Ghana. So you are from Ghana. it was, see, like it was like one of those things like you are from Ghana. know, we went to the slave castles and it's a door of no return. And you realize that every, they walked, know, Africans from all over, North and Western Africa, and they all departed from Ghana. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Damn. Or Mike Tyson said, everyone has a plan until you get punched in the face. And then you're like, ooh, that was a stiff jab. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: That's right. And then your plan's going to change, right? Yeah, yes. So I think that, you know, sometimes those distractions, you know, you wouldn't have, it could be a gift, it could be a miracle in your path. And so that's where your gut gets in. So it's knowing the difference between the distraction that's derailing you completely and taking you someplace you don't want to go, or the distraction that is derailing you, but taking you to even a greater possibility than you ever imagined. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): That's crazy. Dr Nancy Dome: He's like, you're from Ghana. ⁓ yeah, so it still gives me, it's still all the stuff that I'm processing. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Let me let me jump in ⁓ because that no, it's okay. I'm gonna let you catch your breath that that feeling home feeling I felt when I went to Aruba. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, yeah, I talk too much. I'm sorry. Hahaha Right? And that's where our intuition comes in. It's knowing the difference. Because there's been many days that I've been on a path and like, you know, I'm going to be a social worker. I knew that since I was 11. Mmm, okay. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): And like you said, it's indescribable, except you just feel home. Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. That's what I'm gonna do. And I tell you, I graduated with my undergrad in psychology. I got a job to coach softball and volleyball in London to pay for my masters in social work. I got, I gave my car to my brother. I got my two bags. I'm 19 years, or 21 years old. And I... Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): and everything else that you said felt seen and stuff like that. So I had gone to a restaurant and when they found out that I was Cuban, Dominican and Puerto Rican, they weren't a lot of Puerto Ricans because Puerto Ricans, they belong to the US. Cuba and Dominican Republic have a strange relationship. So when they leave those islands, a lot of times they'll go to Aruba, Bonaire. Dr Nancy Dome: Yep. Yep. I go to London and I show up and they're like, ⁓ you didn't get our message. And I'm like, what message? They're like, the program's canceled. I'm like, the what? They're like, yeah, there weren't enough people, so we canceled the MSW. Mm-hmm Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Corresso, wherever, you know? ⁓ So when I was there, they found out I was all the things and they went and they got all the people that work there that were from Cuba and Dominican Republic and they were all around my table. You should have seen all the people in this restaurant looking around like, where's my food? Dr Nancy Dome: And I was like, well, where did you send the message? And like, we sent it to the campus. I'm like, well, I graduated, you know, they're like, oh, and there was no mail forwarding, you know, this is 1988, right? The campus is through that shit away. And so I'm sitting here with my bags. I'm like, well, y'all need to figure it out because I ain't got nothing there. I ain't even got, I don't even have a return ticket because I used all my money to get there. I came here to go to school, so you go figure it out. Right. So they, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: Who is he? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Everybody was all the cooks, all the servers were at my table and they kept bringing food and all that and everybody else was like, where's my order? I came here to come to school. You better open the school. Dr Nancy Dome: ⁓ my gosh. They literally, ⁓ I sit and meet with the provost the next day, they give me a room, because they're not expecting me. And I meet with them and I was like, there's nothing to go back to, so you need to figure it out. I'm here, you still need a coach for volleyball, you still need a coach for softball. And so they're like, well, you can have a master's in. Isn't it? So, okay, so that is crazy because, and you know what's interesting about that, and you probably noticed it is that because people are looking around and they're, they're not used, especially if they're white folks, they're not used to not having that kind of service for them. And if they don't have it for them, they're not used to seeing someone else get it. Right? So like when I was in Honduras and when I was in different places where I'm the only black person in the, in the tour group, Business administration or you can have a master's in education curriculum and instruction. And I looked, I was like, well, I'm not a business person. I'll do the curriculum instruction because education is close and I wasn't ready to go. I mean, I'm 21, I just graduated undergrad. I didn't wanna go to work right away. So I'm like, I guess I'm gonna get a master's in education and look at me now. Like I know for a fact that I was meant to be a teacher. Like I am an educator at heart and that, that, that. That's how they are with me. Like they're protecting me. They're bringing, they're like, can I get you your lunch? Can I do this? And I remember when the guy I was with, he was like, well, I'd like some water too. He like, the cooler's over there. You know, like, and it was so like he and I, he and I had to have this ongoing conversation because he just didn't get, because he wasn't used. Like I was his guest on the trip and he thought he... Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Hahaha ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: you know, whatever that thing was got me there, right? And I feel like, you know, I am a little woo-woo. So I'm going to say, you know, the universe was like, I created the conditions and it intervened to get me to where I needed to be, right? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. You Dr Nancy Dome: He should be getting all this treatment and I, you know, I didn't expect it, but they see you and they want to make sure you you're good, you know? So yeah, it's an interesting phenomenon. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah, I, same. I. Yeah, yeah. it's a, think, I think it does have a lot of, ⁓ I think it has a lot to do with pride, especially they know, they know that we are from the United States and they know that there are certain challenges that comes with our addresses. But, but like, ⁓ like, I have faith. I believe in God, but not the way that these folks do. For me, God is like the collection. yeah. For me, God basically boils down to the rules that are inescapable. Nature, physics, gravity, stuff like that. ⁓ But it also, the universe, Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Yeah, I get you. But that's not God. That's not God. So let's just be clear. That's not God. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): You know the crowds that I run in now. And so I get invited to things and you know, like the wait staff sees me in a suit looking good and doing all my things, right? And they look and they give me those like, we got one in there. Yeah. ⁓ We've made it. ⁓ will also give you hints where you need to go. You just have to shut the hell up. You have to listen. And it's those little hints that you're that we keep, you know, hinting towards. Is that like those little pushes, you know, ⁓ very similarly, ⁓ growing up. Dr Nancy Dome: 100. That's a move for all of us. yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. And those moments, yeah. Yeah. Yep. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah, but that feeling of just being a part of something, here in America, white folks feel it, which is fine. It's fine, you know? But the thing is, you touched on it when you don't get treated that way and you choose to hate instead of just being like, that's cool. I was walking in high school, probably 19, no this was 89, I graduated in 89. I was walking home from school and some recruiter said, you tired of being poor? Dr Nancy Dome: Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah, I am. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Support. Yeah. Yeah. Here's your moment. ⁓ Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): And let me tell you, and let me tell you, actually, it helped my travel bug. I didn't know that people like me could go on vacation as a kid, going all the way into high school. None of my people ever went on vacation. When they went on vacation, they stayed home, they cleaned the house, and they did really good groceries. So there was one day, this was. like You know like I don't mind I honestly I don't mind it. I don't mind white folks celebrating white folks shit. I don't Because I'm gonna be celebrating my brown kid shit. I'm gonna be celebrating black folks shit I'll sell it. I'll even celebrate white folks shit cuz It just like Unless you're doing something stupid. I'm not gonna celebrate. I'm not gonna celebrate Confederate generals. I'm not gonna do that Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, today. Yes. Yes, not today, Satan. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): when my dad was living in Miami, my dad and his family, my brothers and stepmom were living in Miami. And one year we got to go to Miami on vacation. I was like, ⁓ that was it. I have never sat still since, never. And then when the recruiter said, are you tired of being poor? I said, yeah. He goes, you like to travel? I said, of course. You can kiss my whole ass. No. So I understand like having pride and all that stuff. I don't hate that. It's when your pride turns into disdain for someone else or hate for someone else. That's where you lose me. And that goes for everybody. That also goes for everybody. Dr Nancy Dome: I'm vacationing. you Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And rightfully so. yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. And I think that nuance is that if it's not taking anything away from you, why would you begrudge me this moment, right? You know what I mean? We watch on all the time. I'm constantly amazed as I've gotten more more successful with my work. Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): I vacationed in Miami. I have not sat still since. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Isn't that power at fault? Because you didn't know what you didn't know, right? And so you kind of just accept that. And there's so many people in this country. I think that's right. That's right. That's right. Well, that's, know, and then also like when we, when someone puts ⁓ a barrier on us and then we continue, like they don't have to, it's like. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. All I knew was the places I was not allowed to go. And that's a lot of those. Dr Nancy Dome: how much people give you when you already have enough. And when you have nothing, how you can't beg for anything. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): He he. You can't you exactly. Exactly. Dr Nancy Dome: You know, and so like, you know, my guy getting mad that, you know, the guy brought me water and didn't bring him one, you know, for, you know what mean? It's like, it is that thing, like somehow. They don't have to lock the door anymore. We're not pushing the door open. Like the door has been unlocked, but we're not pushing because we don't know to put it. Right? So you go to Miami and you're like, damn, like, ⁓ there's more out there that actually I can do. Right? And that's, that's a piece. Like, that's a piece that's missing here is like, we, people don't know what they don't know. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Right. Right. We get it. Yeah, we get it. And how do you know that he didn't do that? Because you're lady and he just takes care of ladies like that. And if you're a grown ass man, you get your ass up and you go get your water. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, it could be. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: Which is five feet away. And so even the entitlement of thinking that this guy should walk back over there and bring him one. You know? Yeah, anyway, there was a whole lot more to that. That's a whole different story. That could be a whole podcast on its own. Like, ⁓ lord. Anyway. And that is, and there is a concerted effort to maintain that status quo. Because if I'm ignorant, then I don't know to what more that I should be expect more, right? Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. Come on, to expect more. Yeah, we are the wealthiest, most militarily powerful country that we know of. Yeah, so you guys did, you guys went to Kenya, which ⁓ I have a really good friend of mine. stood up at his wedding like 10, 12 years ago ⁓ from Kenya. We worked together in Hollywood. I love that dude. Some of the, and his family at the wedding. You want to talk about feeling a part of something. I went to his wedding and Dr Nancy Dome: Okay. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): and still have homelessness and we still have illiteracy and we still have crooks. Dr Nancy Dome: ⁓ huh. And we have to think about why. Because it doesn't have to be that way. mean, countries, there are countries who have figured that shit out. You know? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. His family just enveloped me. I was from Kenya. I was Kenyan son. Dude, so much, so loving, so caring. And you know, like I'm touchy feely. And they loved it. They loved all the hugs. They loved it when I was cuddling grandma. They loved it all. They loved it all. Dr Nancy Dome: Yes, yeah. You are Kenyan! Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. And it's, and it, to me it's ridiculous when, when the powerful people, and I say that on purpose in that way, because I have seen different colored people doing the same ignorant shit. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): You know that I know that there's a lot of good white folks that are trying to do the right thing. Dr Nancy Dome: I love that too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm betting on it. Put it that way, like, I'm betting on it. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So when I say powerful people, I mean the powerful people that are making the decision, the decisions that just don't change anything for 54 years, I have heard black folks and brown folks, and the folks that don't have singing the same song. Different accents, but it's the same song. So you guys did Kenya, Ghana, Accra? Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, Accra, yeah, I believe it's the capital of Ghana. Yeah, and, you know, so my book is, you the imagery that I used for my book was Sankofa, right? It's a bird that has the egg in its head with it. So it's facing forward, but its head is looking backwards. And it needs to go back and get it. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Okay. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna show ⁓ you the cover. So when they're taking money away from education and they're taking money away from all the all the programs that actually make a lot of sense for the people that don't have to improve. Dr Nancy Dome: ⁓ cool. Yeah. So the, yeah, there it is. So the the Sankofa bird, which is actually would be on the backside and I don't have that one, but ⁓ but it's it's got its head like this. Go back and get it. And it's always meant something to me. But I tell you, being it was it was kind of like magical to be in Africa. And after, you know, just completing this book and it's now with, you know, the publisher and everything happening. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): They're telling you, it's not, a college education isn't that important. You should learn the trades. Yeah, but why are you sending then, why are you then sending your kids to Yale and to Harvard and all these high-priced education institutions? Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: Yep. Yep. and to really feel Sankofa, right? To really, to go back and get it, to like, go back to, we did this ceremony at ⁓ the last bath site where, and this is where they marched all the enslaved people. ⁓ And then they would put them, they would walk them down through the river and this would be where they had their last bath before they did the last 25 miles to the slave castles, to the dungeons and then shipped off, right? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): So and it's not like it's not like I've seen where it's not an outright pushing away from the benefits of this country. But it's that like their back is turned so they can say you have everything available to you. Well, yeah, but you're already over there. You're on that side of the bridge. The bridge is busted. Dr Nancy Dome: And so the ceremony there, you have to take off your shoes and you actually walk barefoot from the entrance all the way down to the water. They don't let you go down the place where the enslaved people went. They have you go down this place where you welcome back because everything was about people leaving the door of no return, no one coming back. And this was about like cleansing and then coming back home, right? And so you go down into this water. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): But you're not telling us how to get across this fucking bridge. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, yeah, because you don't want us to get across the bridge. mean, that, that I'm always going to come back to that. Like if you, if we wanted something different, it would be different. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: It's the same thing we were just talking about, that fake it till you make it, put it under there. If we were committed to equity, if we were committed to access, if we were committed to everybody thriving, I don't need to be a multimillionaire, but why do I have to be struggling? It's time for us to renew our insurance. 15 % increase on And all, it was like all the ancestors were there. You know what I mean? And it really was this moment where I got Sankofa. Like I was in tears because I, like one, couldn't imagine. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm. Dr Nancy Dome: my insurance policy for my company. I'm a small business and one of the things that I can offer are my employees is insurance to make sure that they're taken care of. And now we're literally gonna have to look at lowering our insurance, increasing our deductible so that we can afford to give insurance to our people. I couldn't imagine. what that could have been like, right? And then, but then to be there and to actually, it wasn't only like healing for me, but I felt like it was generational healing, right? It's like coming through and like our ancestors knew that we came back home, that we've come back to... Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: Tell me, and when I say that we're already paying 10,000 a month, I'm not exaggerating. And that's just, that's a one, that doesn't count the Kaiser policy. That's just the PTO policy. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): that you've reconnected. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, it's something else. So when I think about this book, I really feel like it's that. it it it tied all the pieces together for me. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. And that's before you use it. Because when you use it, that's just going to go up another 20%. Dr Nancy Dome: before I use it. Before I use it. Right, so 12 months, $120,000 on insurance for four people. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. How are you telling the stories? Is it? Is it just like a collection of short stories? Or is it one big story that kind of includes a bunch of smaller stories? Dr Nancy Dome: I mean, so how, you know, so we gonna be some broke ass, thinking we rich people. You know, I got a house, my mortgage will be paid off next year, but I can't go to the doctor because. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): That's crazy. Dr Nancy Dome: No, it's a collection of short stories. It kind of started in my head. This is the book I was supposed to write. 20 years ago, I knew I was supposed to write a book. I just came, I knew. And for 20 years, I've had these napkins where I sat down and I wrote like... Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Right, right. and then they always come back and say, at least you have a job like this, though. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that pays for what? That puts me in debt? You know what I mean? It is crazy. It is. crazy. I don't even know. I'm glad I'm in the second half. I don't want to sell anybody short who's younger, but I'll be 60 this year. And I'm glad that I'm in the second half of my life and not starting it now because I'm tired. I'm tired. titles of what these stories would be about, you these key moments in my life. And I'm not joking. I still have the napkin somewhere. I'm going to have to pull them out and frame them now when this becomes the best. And, and I, and and, you know, but then, you know, the, the demand from my clients was like to understand the protocol. So everything that I wrote before was very technical, you know, even, even though it's through storytelling, it was all about how to understand. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. Ha ha. That would be awesome. Listen, listen. Dr Nancy Dome: I'm tired. ⁓ And I get it. You know, it's funny. My grandma, I really, have this belief. So my grandma was like strong and Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: And she had a stroke when we were 11 and it changed everything. mean, in essence, you know, she, and she would, after the stroke, she, you know, she was paralyzed halfway, but she was walking with a walker, you know, and she really could have had, I don't know if it would have been a full recovery, but she could have been mobile. I, and then all of sudden she stopped walking. And I remember as an 11 year old, I didn't get it. Like I was like, but you were, but you were like, you got out of the hospital, you had that, that thing you were walking. the compassionate dialogue or how to do compassionate dialogue, how to internalize it and master it. So this one was really the one that was in my heart. But what I realized and why it had to come now and not before was that compassionate dialogue is really who I am, right? It's lived in me my whole life. So as I went back to retell these stories, I started to see that the protocol was in me, that you're not walking. And I remember as I got older, like in my 20s, I started thinking because my grandma didn't pass away. her nickname was grandma on the bed. That's how all the grandkids knew her because she was the grandma in the bed, right? ⁓ and I realized I was like, ⁓ yeah, you know, home chick was like, if I start walking again, I got to take care of these kids again. You know what I mean? Like, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: that it is the way I've always done it. And then it was just through this chance of collaborating with a colleague at the university where I actually got to like manifest it, like pull it out of my body from this kind of unconscious innate way of being and turn it into something forward facing that could be replicated, that people could do. And so. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): You Dr Nancy Dome: They're all short stories. They are kind of chronological in that there is like an early childhood, like it starts off with the kidnapping, you my first memory of being, you know, and it's in parentheses because, you know, we weren't really, we were kind of taken by our dad, you know, who wanted to have us, but we weren't, you know, we weren't kidnapped, but that's how the story is told in my family. I gotta work again, you know, because she raised all five of us and then looked out for other people's kids. And I think she was like, oh no, I've been raising kids and taking care of kids my whole life. It's not like that's happening. Hey, Lady Joe Lewis, you saw that, hey. Grandma didn't play. And we knew that already. Like grandma, if she hadn't, I remember hiding under the twin bunk beds. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Hehehehehe And I remember she had a solid boxing career too. Yeah. ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: And then there's like adolescence and young adulthood. And then it brings me kind of full circle here. And in writing it, I realized that it was really a love letter to my grandma, to all that she did born 1912, Alabama in the middle of Jim Crow. Not even middle, of, yeah, kind of the beginning. I that at the beginning of Jim Crow, the end of. because she was after us and if she didn't get you she was going to continue I thought she was going to kill herself trying to get me so I got her in the bed my grandma got a broom and she didn't use the broom end of it she used the handle end of it she was stabbed she was stabbing me trying to get me out of the bed to get me out from under the bed so you know she didn't play I mean she wasn't trying to kill us but you knew she could Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. She just cannonballed into Jim Crow. I'm here. Dr Nancy Dome: No shit, right? I'm here. And what she did to, you know, and all the things she did to support, you know, my siblings and my mom and everything. you know, even, even to the extent, love letter to my mom, like really, like looking back now that, you know, there's been so much angst and stuff with my mother. I've always loved her. That's never been the question, but just, you know, her choices and things. And, and really finding finally, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Did I ever? Did I ever tell you one of my? Dr Nancy Dome: So how does that strong woman not do that, you know? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Did I ever tell you one of my favorite Broom stories? I forgot. My mom and I had gotten into it. think it was always something like, I'm hell bent on fair. I am hell bent on fair. If I feel like you are being unfair, I have to say something. And so it was something. was... Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. like true understanding, true compassion, true forgiveness, like really. Like, and it was through, you know, going back and getting it, you know, going back and remembering and with an adult eye and maturity, you know, to see a different side that wasn't just mine. Say something. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Either either my sister didn't clean her room or my brother didn't do something. I don't know i'm like that's not fair This place is dumb, you know, how we do And I knew she was coming at me. I knew she was coming at me. So My brother and and I shared this room That it was wide enough if you put two twin beds you would have enough room to Open the door and stick your arm in Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): We have so much in common. Yeah, I hold my grandmother to a completely different exaltation, like very similar. She was, instead of Jim Crow, she was in the Dominican Republic and America had just got done doing whatever America does all over. Dr Nancy Dome: I think we always know that, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): And that's exactly what my mom did, but she didn't realize that I had pushed the bed in the- Dr Nancy Dome: Okay. Yeah. You Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): And I knew she was coming, I'm telling you, I put the beds like this, boop. And when she pushed into that door and that door didn't move, boy. And she stuck her arm through the little gap in the door and she's swinging this broom at me. And she said, get in the way of the broom. Get in the way of the broom. And I was like, I know for a fact, if she doesn't feel. the Dominican Republic and because of political unrest. ⁓ Like I have a couple of family members that were in the in the group of people that went into the Capitol and took the president out and whipped his ass in the middle of the street type of stuff like like. ⁓ But my grandmother by herself, she's like, we're not doing this. if she doesn't feel friction, she's not gonna go away. And I'm not moving this bed, because she's got a broom. And so I took the pillow and I put it up and I let her hit the pillow two, three times. And I said, ow, ow. And then she went away. And then she went away. Dr Nancy Dome: ⁓ wow, okay. Something hit. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): In her early 20s, she moved to New York by herself. Dr Nancy Dome: ⁓ my god! Wow. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Cause she's like, yeah, that over there, whatever's happening over there. No, that's not good. ⁓ And then, you know, my relationship, I love my mom. My mom is one of my heroes, all the things, all the things. But, you know, we grew up together. you know, a lot like you where like there was a lot of things that happened. ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: ⁓ my god, I love that. I love that. Did they all go to school? Like did they come from the same school? Our, yes, our mamas and grand mamas, you know, like, ⁓ lord. Uh-oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Back then, yes, back then, yes. Yes. Imagine being a woman back then. Back then. I can only imagine. You go out in the streets, these men just don't know how to act. They're whistling, they don't know how to keep their hands to themselves. They think you're less than, all these things. And you come home and your kids are acting a goddamn fool. Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. Yeah. But, nah. Yeah. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): because of as a kid, you're not realizing all the moving parts. just see, you get mom and she's stressed out. But looking at everything as an adult and reflecting back and thinking, that's why she did that. That's why she made those decisions. And that's why, and not even talking about like, Dr Nancy Dome: Cool. You know, know, you know, there's a many a day that you're not only getting the beating you deserve, but the beating that everyone else deserved before they before she got home. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yep, yep, I'm like, ⁓ someone messed with this lady's paper. ⁓ here we go. Dr Nancy Dome: That's right. Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I always say that, you know, my grandmother and my mom, you know, they gave us fight. You know, when you look at your stress conflict reactions, you know, fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flock, like, I'm all fight. And I'm grateful for it. I, you know, like, you I don't, I, my work is not to lead with it. You know, I don't have to always come out the door swinging, but there's something... Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): all the responsibility that she had to deal with because of all the bullshit people around her, you know, ⁓ and and and ⁓ it was wonderful. It was one of my dreams come true. ⁓ When a bad situation turned wonderful, my my mom broke her ankle late last year. And I was down there for two weeks taking care of her, just her and I. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): me. That's me. Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: about knowing that it's in your back pocket. Like it's there when you need it. And I'm grateful to them for that too. Again, the Sankofa, like I look back and there's so many things that I can see now that kind of didn't make sense when I was growing up or that just hurt, you know what I mean? Just the feelings of, why isn't mom here? Like my mom finally told me, said, she's like, mama and I made a deal that I would earn the money and she would stay home and take care of the kids. ⁓ okay. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. ⁓ Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): And you know I'm a chatty bitch. So we got to talking and talking and talking and talking and we were able to ⁓ squash a lot of stuff. And she's like, ⁓ I apologize for this and that. I'm like, girl, you know, we were babies together. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. ⁓ I'm like, why am I 58 years old hearing this for the first time? Like, don't you think this is useful information to tell your kids so that they don't resent you because you're not ever there? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Like we were figuring it out together. Like I don't hold none of this to you anymore. Hehehehehe Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Isn't that amazing though? It's like those moments, like you said, that bad moment that turns good, right? Because it forces a space that would be otherwise hard to replicate. then you get to talk and be. I think this is gonna be that for my mom and me. It's already started. she, okay, okay, okay. ⁓ Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: I mean, like, seriously. Yeah, so that's why we gotta have this conversation. She's gonna read the book. She's gonna have her feelings hurt. Not intentionally, but it's just the way my mom thinks everything's about her. So of course she thinks that my stories are about her. And so then she's gonna call me up and then we're gonna have some really good conversations about it. And then I'm gonna find out, you know, the full thing. I'm actually quite interested about her reading the kidnapping. Cause I asked her, I was like... Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: Okay, sorry, mom, but I'm telling the story. I, I, um, so I, couple of years ago, I tried to support my mom to write her book. She's been talking about writing a book forever. And my mom should write a book like it, it would be an amazing book, like, and plus I would learn so much shit that I don't know. And, um, and I had, um, I had a, um, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ Mom it wasn't me it was Nancy ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: I said, I was like, yeah, I got a burn mark on my leg. She goes, no, you didn't. I'm like, I have a burn mark. I have a burn like here, right there. She's like, no, don't. No, you don't. I'm like, I do. And I remember it, you know? You would have been too young. I'm like, who are you to tell me I'm too young to remember? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. She said, you didn't. It's my leg. Dr Nancy Dome: uh, my colleague on staff and because of crazy stuff going on, I couldn't, I couldn't keep her busy. So I was like, you know, Jess will be a good person to help you write this book. This is what she's helped me write mine, you know, gets me focused, my editor. And so I was like, I'm a, you know, Jess, I need to keep her busy, but I can't keep her busy. So I'm, I'm gonna let you work with her mom. Mom does one session with Jessica and says, I don't want that way. I can't do it that way. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): You Dr Nancy Dome: This this scene in my life like I I literally I could draw a picture of what that liver room looked like you know what I mean, and I was Four three four two three four something like that Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: I know. you know, so she doesn't use Jessica and I say fine. She's like, and then, so I'm out there last year. And she's like, here's the book, you know, I want to see your book. So she shows me what she's written. It's three pages. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): So I've been doing a little bit of researching, like reading and stuff like that about the dynamics between the rich and the poor. ⁓ And one of the interesting things is ⁓ good art comes from struggle. Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. UGH Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Hahaha Dr Nancy Dome: I think... Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): She's sweating. Dr Nancy Dome: And I'm like, this ain't a book, mom. ain't even a chapter, you know. And so, but I'm like, whatever, she got to process. I'm like, and the way, you know, Jess works is she could have just talked and Jess would have, you know, it's recorded and then it's transcribed and then makes it super easy. So fast forward to last week. Hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): You got a cool pamphlet. But when you're struggling, you don't have money to make good art. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): and then the rich people have the money, but nobody's trying to pay attention to your struggles. Like, what are you struggling? You had to wait at Whole Foods for 15 extra minutes because they didn't have enough, you know what mean? Nobody wants to hear that shit. And... Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. So she reads, know, I posted something about this book and it's got a little snippet in there, you know, short story. And I got the picture of my three brothers, you know, before, right before we were born. So I get a text, I get a text message and she's, she's like, I'm over my writer's block. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): I want to so badly and I've written emails to the principal of my high school. I've been networking and talking to more politicians and doing all this stuff, right? So I'm laying the groundwork because I want to go back to where I come from and teach these kids. Dr Nancy Dome: She's like, can you... So what I need is for you, your sister and your brother to write ⁓ a chapter called On the Road with Mama and send me those chapters and then I can finish my book. And I was like, you know, I can't even talk right now because... And she said... And so I'm like, ⁓ I've written my book. Like I ain't writing your book. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): how to bridge the gap between having all these excellent stories from struggle and how to actually deliver. Stay. Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm. How do you even know when your writer's blocked by the three of us writing your chapters? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ and you are a perfect example of someone who has figured out how to bridge that gap and how to make things happen and how to So All that to say you're gonna be an inspiration when I go back into the hood You're gonna be proof like look things can't be tough But you don't need to wait you don't need to wait for somebody to tell you what to do keep your eyes, yeah. The relief of your writer's block is for me to write your book. Dr Nancy Dome: So I'm like, ⁓ I'm like, no. And she's like, well, I mean, but then she tells me this story about all this stuff. And it's the first time I've heard her perspective. So that's a, like her crazy then led to this really cool moment. And I said, mom, this is what I want to do. I said, you and I can talk. Like I can talk about On the Road with Mama. I am writing this shit down. That's on you. I can talk about it. And I'd love to talk about it to get. Mm-hmm. You In fact, don't because if you're waiting for somebody you might wait your whole life and then come there's no vested interest. mean, like there's a chapter in my book. I think it's something like an expansive village, right? And it's about my teachers in middle school. And I believe that they changed the trajectory of my life 100%. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): And then coming to get you. Dr Nancy Dome: like the full, you know, essence of it, but ⁓ my God, like that's my mom. And I realize, and this is also why I can laugh at it now, is like she ain't changing. This is just who she is, you know? And I know that now. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah, yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: On the road of mama. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. And you know, it's empowering. We were talking about, we were talking about, we're catching up with some people before we started recording. ⁓ That's basically my approach to folks now. Like that's who you are. If you're in your thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, that's just who you are. And as long as you're not like, Dr Nancy Dome: because we were acting a fool. Grandma had just had her stroke. Mom came home for a hot minute and then went back to Europe and then it was just the five of us in the house. So I'm ⁓ till two in the morning and ⁓ doing all kinds of drugs ⁓ just acting a fool. And these people, they knew it and they also knew that we had Yes. that there was no other option, right? That if they reported us, Child Protective Services would get involved and they already knew that wasn't, it's never been a good system, right? And so they're like, they got a roof over their head. They've got older brothers who are not even 20 yet, but at least there's older boys in the house. There's food in the house. And so they just made sure that they were there in these critical moments, right? And that's what you're talking about, right? It's like, who are those people that are gonna be there? ⁓ Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): infringing on my happiness. If you're loud, you're just going to be loud. If you're, you know, if you're quiet, you're just going to be quiet. I'm not. Yeah. I hopefully, hopefully, you know, when and where to let that, you know, come out. But that's beyond my pay grade. I'm worried about me and my, you know, my how I want to get down. Dr Nancy Dome: If you cray cray, you're just gonna be cray cray. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yep. to let you know to expect more for you. Don't let you, you know, like there was no way when I did some stupid shit at school, they held us accountable. It wasn't like, I'm so sorry. It was like, no bullshit. You do better. We expect more of you. And it was that disappointment when people are disappointed in you that you care about that gets you to do something different. ⁓ And so when you go back and you're talking about talking to our kids, like they need to hear it because they may not, you know, they may not. Yeah, and I would even say that, you you said, not infringed on my happiness. What I realized, like, especially when it comes to my mom, is that I cannot trust her to know that boundary. So it's up to me to set that boundary. Because my mom will step over that boundary. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And people and it's not even trying to be rude or that people don't know what they don't know. Dr Nancy Dome: Right. Yep. Yep. So it's for me and for us to say, ⁓ you're infringing now, you know, so I'm gonna cut you off. Like, I'm not writing your chapters for you. Like you're infringing on my time, on my space. But yeah, but that is, you know, and I wanted to say that because it's all about reclaiming your power, right? You know, people aren't doing something to you. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Right. Dr Nancy Dome: Because I'm going to keep it real. I think there's some folks in our schools who are there to keep our kids behind. mean, and I don't, ⁓ they found this woman a couple years ago in Florida who was part of ⁓ this group and they were ⁓ encouraging young women, white women to go into teaching so that they could basically ruin the black and brown children. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Right. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: that you don't allow them to do to you in this sense. mean, I know there's situations where folks are truly doing shit to people that they can't do shit about, but in this sense of family and emotional stuff like that, we get to set boundaries. Like literally, they found her Facebook post and I have to find the information because I'm not just talking out of the side of my head, but you can find this. They found her Facebook post and then someone exposed her and she got removed. But her whole mission was to go there and fuck with the black and brown kids to make sure that they failed, that they had no self-confidence in this team. And so, you know, who knows depending on what environment our kids are in, what people are whispering in their ears. And so they must have people like you, like me, like, you know, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Right. And that's healthy. If you can do that with your family, you can basically do that with anyone because no one is going to infringe on your personal space more than your family member, especially if you have siblings and stuff like that. Right. But if you can Dr Nancy Dome: Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): If you can learn how to put up boundaries with your family, it's going to serve you in a workspace. It's going to serve you in, in, out in public. And it's just a good exercise to know who you are, who you want to be and not let anybody interfere with that. Dr Nancy Dome: like who are going there and letting them know to block out all that noise and that they have what they need. They just need to figure out how to package it, what to do with it, right? And not to give up, not to surrender, not to let these fools win, you know, because every time you fuck up, that's like, you know, you know, and I'm not giving you that, you know, ⁓ I'm not giving it. I got my three kids who did the preface for my book are going to be on my launch with me. Yes. Yep, yep, absolutely, absolutely. That's it. You got a choice. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Either help or get out the way. Unless you want me to write chapters, mom. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: Hahaha! Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ nice. Dr Nancy Dome: Woo! All my sister did, because she was on that, is she just put like a head exploding in tears. Because that's all she needs to do. I knew when she, you know, I don't know. My sister, we definitely simpatico when it comes to that. But I'm the one who engages, Dora just like disappears, right? She's just like... Yeah, ⁓ I haven't, I saw one in San Diego ⁓ in like January and he brought his two of his three kids and I finally met his wife. And this is the kid that when I was teaching him, he was a womanizer. ⁓ my God, he was a womanizer. Sweet kid though, Filipino, adorable, like too cute for his own good. And I was like, one day the universe has a funny way to make do paybacks, you know? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ Yeah. way. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: I ain't dealing with it. And so I'm the one who deals with it. So I feel like I always take one for the team, for her. She always owes me. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Do Dora and you travel good together? Hehehe, it does. It does. Dr Nancy Dome: You don't believe me. then I remember, and I'm going to see if I can find this picture and show it to you. I, ⁓ I, ⁓ I run into him out of the blue. I haven't seen him in years and he's, he's working in a restaurant, a family restaurant. And, ⁓ he, ⁓ you know, so we catch up and I was like, you know, what's going on? And he's like, I got three girls. I'm like, you got one. He's like, I I got, I got three. Yeah, we do. did have, by the end of week three, she bumped into me, I pushed her. We were like, okay, it may be time to go home. maybe, you know, because she likes to share rooms too. And I'm like, I kind of realized we may not need to share rooms no more. You know, we may need that. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ hell yeah. Hahaha! ⁓ hahahaha Yep, you got payback. Dr Nancy Dome: Girls, and I am laughing my ass off. here, I don't know if you can see, but it's just a quick little look. Those are his three little girls. I'm like, oh yeah, the universe, the universe has come for you because all the things that you did, he's like, I already know Nancy. He's like, I already know. He's like, I show people like don't even come, don't even look sideways at my kids, you know? So he, they're, they came, I think the oldest is like 11 now or whatever. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): So you're talking, so for folks that don't know, you're talking two D1 athletes going at each other. When we were, that was one thing that I always, one of my first memories of you and I sharing an office was Dora came and we were setting things up and then you guys looked at each other and you said, Dr Nancy Dome: pushing each other like, out by one of them talking shit like, fuck you, fuck you too! Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: Hell yeah. So they came down to my pickleball tournament and they wrote the forward. ⁓ just when I read it, I, Jessica interviewed them because she wanted it to be a surprise for me. And, ⁓ you know, I'm just and the impact, like you don't know the impact, like the visit you're talking about, those interactions will have. And you may never know. Right. I mean, I'm just blessed enough that they've they've stayed in touch and they've come back to share the impact. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Hey motherfucker. Dr Nancy Dome: You Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): I was like, we, is that coffee machine gonna be in the air? Like what's going on? That's sweet. Dr Nancy Dome: Yep. That's just, sometimes that's just how it goes, you know? But you know, there's, as I look around, I mean, I'm sure there's people who look at our dynamic and be like, what is happening here, right? But like, shit is all, there's no, we harbor nothing, right? Like, and if we do, it doesn't last for long. And I think that is the secret sauce, man, is that when something's on your heart, you get it out because otherwise that resentment just builds, right? So I watch, even in my... Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: But what we all have to realize is that every day we are touching somebody for better or for worse. And so we get the choice to make sure that it's for better, right? That we're doing that, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And again, going back to that, I have this whole thing planned out. I got on chat GPT and created a whole, I have a business plan, I have a business statement, I have a budget, I have examples of other places that are doing something similar, right? But I wanna, Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: you know, family, I watch people hold shit in, you know, and, you know, and I don't, know, I don't, and I see what it does, you know, like I'm thinking of my husband, like what it does to him, he holds this stuff in and it breaks his heart, you know, but he doesn't do anything and I can't make him, I try to encourage him, you everyone's on their own journey and it makes me forever grateful. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): And for what? Dr Nancy Dome: I love it. ⁓ huh. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: Uh-huh. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): I want to catch these kids and tell them, you tired of being poor? You don't have to go to the military. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. I was just going to say, but you don't have to do that, right? Yeah. Yeah. for the relationship I have with my family, my blood family, that we just get it out. Like we don't hold nothing back. And we've always been like that. People call it brutal, but there's no hurt feelings. It's truth. We love each other and we will always be there for each other. But there's just a deep honesty that has been our foundation from the beginning. And I think it's why we are strong and together today. There's nothing unsaid in our lives. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. I want to be the person that I never had. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. So tell me, what's your plan? I want to hear it. What you doing? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): This is my plan. am I am ⁓ obviously an award winning screenwriter. So I'm a bit of a writer. I like making movies. I like making music. So hip hop influenced me. It graphic designer hip hop influenced me. Hip hop taught me these are the aspects ⁓ that I want to. Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: Brilliant graphic designer. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): create, I don't have anything. How do I get there? Right. So I have connections to the hip hop community in Chicago. And so I want to leverage those relationships and build a community center where kids are taught how to it's it's Dr Nancy Dome: Okay. Mm-hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): You're gonna learn how to make videos. You're gonna learn how to make movies, music videos. You're gonna learn how to make music. You're gonna learn how the whole production process. Dr Nancy Dome: You Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): If it's a, let's say it's a song, you have a musician that comes in. We're going to take care of. Producing the music making the music video doing the graphic design around that music video We're gonna do all the acting we're gonna go get high school kids from the high school do the acting because they need exposure Right. So that's one aspect while we're in the high schools and talking to these little actor kids We're gonna get the movie makers in the script writers. They're gonna make movies and Give these kids in the drama class exposure that they need and the experience that they need to go on, right? We're also going to teach these kids much needed business skills. So they're gonna go into all the neighborhood restaurants, all the neighborhood stores, the mom and pops, all those places, and they're going to do business with these people, and those people are going to get... Dr Nancy Dome: So hey. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): commercials and social media and all that stuff. So now the community center is working with the community to bring attention to the community. Not just that, there's other things. ⁓ So we're gonna be working within the community in that area and I think it's gonna be successful because we're going to be putting things out on YouTube and if you wanted to go to say Albany Park in Chicago, there's Albany Park that's Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): where my high school is. So you're going to learn all about Albany Park, the good restaurants and all that stuff. And it's all right. And I know that there's students that want to be teachers. So we're going to have them teach the community how to do things like fix your email. How do you work with Microsoft Word and Excel and all those things? So, yeah, so I have I have a lot of the Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. I love it. Student created, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): boring stuff done, ⁓ you know, the budget and what we need as far as cameras and all that stuff goes. ⁓ And through this channel, I've been networking with people that are running for office in Chicago, running for office nationally, but I have a good chunk of folks in Chicago. ⁓ And so, yeah. ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Is that where you're hoping to start as Chicago, start there because at home and then work out like, like a model there. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah, yep, wanna have, short term is gonna be the one in Chicago. I also wanna have one in Sonoma and have like sister schools. So then that way, folks in Sonoma learn about Chicago. Chicago learns about Sonoma. Sonoma knows a lot about gardening and growing their own food and all that stuff. Chicago knows a lot about ⁓ culture and music and theater. Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I love it. ⁓ huh. ⁓ huh. ⁓ huh. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): and all that stuff. So picture perfect would be that where we're exposing each other to the country and the city. It's like in Tom and Jerry, the Tom and Jerry cartoons when the two wolves, the country wolf and the city wolf, they visit each other and they geek out on city stuff and country stuff. It's the same thing. It's exposing people to that. Dr Nancy Dome: ⁓ Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Not for anything, but if I'm in Sonoma and I'm your black friend, you need more black friends. ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. You ain't never lied. I, you know, I remember you remember Eric, right? Eric ⁓ from Transcendence. I remember when we first met, people had told us about each other, you know, and, you know, likely because we were the only two black people that they knew of that were visible in the community. And I remember Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): hahahahah ⁓ huh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: the first time we met. And there's always this like, you know, like you can't assume just because we both black that we don't like each other, right? Well, Eric was a love story. Like I love this man. But I remember we laid under a tree at a farmer's market for the entire farmer's market and just talked and people kept trying to come over and, you know, still attention. And it was like, kind of like, you need to go. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): He was, yeah, he's great. Dr Nancy Dome: Like we in a moment, we have found each other and we in a moment, you know? So don't come over here, you know, trying to be social. You know, we appreciate y'all, but not today. Today's not the day. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Hehehehehe Yeah. Yeah, right now is not the time. Don't have to be about you all the time. Yeah, so that's one of my that's one of my goals is that ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: Very cool. There's so much. and you know, think every now and then, I don't go on Facebook that much, but every now and then things pop up of people doing, know, ⁓ you know, Coco doing a homeless shelter, you know, people, all these athletes, know, athletes of color going out and doing things. And I'm like, you know, one, it's amazing. And... Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: You know, where are we that it takes a citizen to give their money, which I'm not saying they shouldn't, but where is the country in filling these gaps, right? Like, it's almost, and it, you know, I don't want to be a conspiracy theorist, but it makes me wonder, like, isn't, it's almost like, you know, like the lotto in California, right? Like when the lottery was finally passed in California, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: It was supposed to support schools and it was all this money until people voted for it. But what people didn't understand is that the lottery happened and all they did was take the money that was originally instead of adding the lottery funds to the general fund for education, they just pulled the money they were given to the general fund and the lottery funds replaced it. So it didn't really increase money for schools. It just substituted. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Ahem. They just got it from a different pocket. Dr Nancy Dome: It's meant that now all this money that was earmarked for education is now, I don't know where it is or where it went, right? And it's like this bait and switch. And I feel like that's kind of what's happening here. It's like, like there's almost an ⁓ expectation, ⁓ a hope that if we pull resources that somebody will fill that gap. But every time someone fills that gap, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: it releases the responsibility of the government. Like where the fuck are my taxes going then? Cause I am paying a lot of taxes. And if it isn't going to education, if it isn't going to these services, then why am I paying them? Right? Because, and if we're going to become dependent on athletes and musicians and personalities to put their money in to fill these holes, then why? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Right. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: then I should be paying into a fund that's gonna support them to do the work that actually I want my dollars to do. Because I'm not mad about spending my dollars. I'm mad about, go ahead, yeah, you I talk, so shut me up. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): 100 % Yep, this is one thing This is one thing, this is one topic that I talk to a lot of these political hopefuls about. They talk about improving education and a lot of them, a lot of the folks, all of the folks that I've spoken to seem to have their heart in the right place and they wanna do the right thing. ⁓ But I think that they're, I think, Dr Nancy Dome: Yes. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): that their approach is just a little needs tweaking. I ask, you know, what is it that you want to do? I want to fix education, Medicare for all, we're going to help child care, we're going to do all these things cool. then I said, All right, cool. How are we going to do it? Well, we're going to text the billionaires and the millionaires. And I said, I said, that's cool. But Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): What if we stop bombing other countries? Dr Nancy Dome: What if we bring those billions of dollars home? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): That way everybody wins. We get the schools fixed and the millionaires and billionaires get to breathe, because every time you say taxes, they seize up. Dr Nancy Dome: The booty clench is unnecessarily, but still it's a reaction. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ Right and to those folks the billionaires and the millionaires if You all you do is complain about how black and brown communities are torn up and all this other stuff Could you imagine if you properly invested in them? If you have negative connotations When you see my face negative thoughts flow into your head and the inner city Chicago part makes you a little uncomfortable because of what you've heard. Maybe it's time to fix the inner city Chicago part. You can't tell me that fixing a school is not gonna help the situation. An educated populace is a less violent populace. Scientifically proven. And we keep asking you for books, we keep asking you for libraries, we keep asking you for good teachers, we keep asking you for for after school programs. You know, the ones that the rich kids schools have. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Yep. Yep. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): We're asking you for that, instead you're giving us more police, more guns, more cameras, more dumb shit. Dr Nancy Dome: Yep, more bars, more, you know. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): more bars. And you have two people looking at you dead in the face that will tell you if you would have invested properly in education, this shit wouldn't be this hard. It's not supposed to be this hard. Dr Nancy Dome: Yes. Yeah. And instead of looking at me and you as an exception, we are the norm, right? This is what investment looks like. I'm not special. really, I resist this notion that somehow there's something special. I mean, I think I'm smart as hell, but I think everybody's, like my kids that are showing up are smart as hell, right? And so this is what investment looks like. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: And so again, it goes back to that fundamental question that we started this with is the fact that we know this and I believe they know it too, and we choose not to do it, what's behind that, right? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. And then, and so then now that I know the information that I have and the information that you share with me, I know that maybe they don't want us in their neighborhood. We just say it like that. Right. All right. Cool. So I'm going to then start building my own thing. And then I get black and brown people, especially black folks, they're like, Dr Nancy Dome: Okay. they don't. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Well, you know, every time we get something started, they tear it down. My rebuttal to that is with the internet, with social media, now we build this shit in broad daylight. And I dare you to touch it. Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. Yeah, and if they do at least then you know I was listening to this Trevinoa thing that it was just a little clip that came up and he was he was talking about It you can find it. I think it's like, know was was South African apartheid Racism better and you know, I've always had this argument. I'm always gonna say that you know the US Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): you Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: version of apartheid was at least people could, you go to school and learn and South Africa you couldn't. But his point was this. He's like, they tell you, he's like, he does the accent. I'm going to put your, he's like, you can't live here. You can't live here. And so, you know, I can't live there. Like you can't live here because you're black. He's like, but the US, he goes, what's really insidious about it is that, you know, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: You see a house, you want to buy it, but you can't get a loan. And you realize that the only place you can get a loan is over here. But they didn't say, you can't live here. It's just really hard. So you go where it's easier. He goes, so you really think that there's no racism? And this is kind of like the decision that just came down about the voting acts, Like, unless it's explicit, because we have hidden our racism. For people who chose not to see it, they think it's gone. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: for those of us who live it, we know it's just a little undercover right? That the fact that it's been kind of buried for so long underneath the covers that you can't call it racism because you can't prove it. So he's like, South Africa, like you can prove it. And that's why the government had to like, yeah, we were racist. know, like they have to own it because they said it. They're like, black people can't live here. And I, you know, it was like a 60 second thing, but I was like, Trevor. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Hahaha Ha ha. Dr Nancy Dome: you got, right? Like that's it. Like we've been keeping this shit on the, on the down low for, for 60 years. ⁓ and convincing people that racism didn't exist anymore. mean, there's literally white people and some black and brown people who think that, that racism is over. and, ⁓ and the fact that they don't realize that it's just been institutionalized to the point where you don't even recognize it as racism anymore and discrimination. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): For real. For real. Yeah. And then when. And then, you know, I understand people in higher education, ⁓ like when people from the inner city are ⁓ trying to qualify for different universities and you have to get one however many points and you get extra points because you're black or brown or whatever the hell, right? Isn't it unfortunate that we have to do that? We have to give those points because Those schools understand that Roosevelt. High school in Albany Park is not the same as Adlai Stevenson High School in Lincolnshire They know that that's the point. That's why those points may if you were to sufficiently fund Roosevelt High School in Albany Park, Chicago You wouldn't have to give those fucking points Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, you know, so like going to your point of build it in broad daylight, build it in broad daylight. So then when they do try to break it down, because they will, you can call it racism. You can say, right. So so you're right. That is the argument. I appreciate this because I feel like I see people who are saying like, well, you know, what's the point? And I'm like, there's always a point. Like, I'm never going to surrender. There's always a point. And the other piece is Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. There's always a point. Dr Nancy Dome: Let's make it, let's make them make it explicit, kind of like the shit that's happening now, you know, and does it need to get more explicit? Maybe it does, because then, then we can say, this is some racist bullshit. And you can't even say it's not even the person who wants to think that everything's hunky dory has to admit that there's something fucked up about what's happening right now. You know, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm and this is the way this is the reason I build shit Not the reason I'm always going to work I'm always if I have a lot of money if I don't have money, I'm always going to work So there's a lot of folks that are like good if you give universal basic income, it's gonna people aren't gonna want to work anymore No, that's you bitch. I will always work. I Will always work Dr Nancy Dome: You Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): And then you have people like Stephen Miller that get up on stage racist ass and he's like you don't build anything You don't with this little mushy head ass You have Steve people like Stephen Miller have nothing but access They have nothing but potential to make something that is going to improve the country and do they? No, they do not So I'm sorry sir, you don't build anything. I'm building something. I'm building this in broad daylight. Dr Nancy Dome: something. Yeah. Yes. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): And if you touch it, you will be punished. We have to because we're the ones with the good stories. Look at ⁓ They came out with some ai and you come out that everybody can make stuff and now disney is laying people off left and right Nobody's trying to nobody's trying to watch any more fantasy shit We haven't gotten through our stories and you guys are talking about frozen and all kinds of fairy tale shit. No, bitch Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): We have our stories to tell. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mad props to Disney. Again, it was Walt that made me want to do what I want, what I do. And those people like Walt. And everybody's going, he was racist, whatever. His efforts are what motivated me. If, you know, there's a lot of racism, if you're going to kick out all the races, it's going to be an empty country. But we have to figure out how to live. Dr Nancy Dome: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): together and if exposing you to some of the things that we have to live through is going to make this country a better place, then that's my job here. Dr Nancy Dome: Absolutely, Because honestly, know, the conversation we had offline about my girlfriend I spoke to yesterday, how she finished is like, I still don't know firsthand the things you told me 35 years ago. Do you know what I mean? Like, and that's powerful. Like she still doesn't know. And so if it isn't for, you know, the books like the one I'm writing and the things that you're doing and the things that other people are putting out there to Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: provide exposure to even only for a moment to show you a different experience. If it wasn't for those, the easy route is to believe that everyone's having the same life you are, we know it's not true. But they don't, like they really don't, or they choose not to. Because I think there is some level of choice in that, right? There's some level of choosing to put the blinders on and not see what's really happening around you. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: I'm looking at. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): there's a lot of uncomfortable stories I get to tell. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and people don't like that discomfort. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): There's a lot of uncomfortable stories that I get to tell. They don't. They don't. But unfortunately, it's happening. And bitching and complaining about getting on TV, on those little talking head things of five minutes, everyone's gonna yell at each other for 30 second snippets to figure, that's not how it's going to fix anything. I have been on this planet. Dr Nancy Dome: You You Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): for 54 years and you guys are saying the same thing that you were saying in the 70s and yelling at a camera hasn't yet fixed it. Dr Nancy Dome: Mm-hmm. No, no. Although we're trying right now. Yes. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): But that's different, that's different. Like this is, again, this is the building of the new thing. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, hey, I'm teasing, because I feel like, you know, we got to put it out. There's got to be some competing narrative out there, right? There's got to be something that, that like, you know, we've talked for almost two hours minus our little our little glitch in there. And, you know, I feel like this is a narrative that people don't have access to. You know, it's unscripted. It's it's Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. I've been at parties where I've said, yeah, I'm from Chicago and people say, you don't talk like you're from Chicago. And I, know, if I'm not trying to have a good time, you know, I'm drinking, so I'm gonna say something outlandish. So I was like, that's probably because I read books. You know what mean? Like not everybody's gonna have a gun in their coat. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Yeah. No, that's probably because I can read. Let's take it a step down. ⁓ OK. So I'm going to make one last reference to my book because you just you brought something up and I can't remember the name of the story, but I think it's called The Wrong Girl in the Video. Okay, because ⁓ you just hit a nerve, so, you know, I won't go into it, but I ended up at a junior college, my first year of college, on a volleyball scholarship, mostly because I didn't know that JCs could give full scholarships if they weren't in California. And I was just trying to get away from my sister. This is what happens when you don't have adults. You don't have adults, right? Helping guide you. You end up at a JC in fucking Arizona, racist ass, segregated Arizona. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): hahahaha Dr Nancy Dome: I will say that that was 1984. It's still crazy, but it's better. so I knew after one year I need to get the hell out of here. And in order for me to get a scholarship to pay Division I, I had to take all these credits. That's a whole nother story. That didn't even make the book. So I hear that USIU has scholarships to give away because they brought back their program or they're doing something. So I talked to the coach. And he says, okay, send me a video. Okay, so it's me. It's my setter who's Latina, short Latina girl. And then it's ⁓ Bridget who is another outside hitter who's ⁓ mixed race with a big fro. And then there's me. And so I'm up there and I'm hitting balls and I'm hitting balls and I, you know, she set it up and I'm hitting line and I'm hitting cross court. And ⁓ I send the video to him. and he calls me up, he's like, which one are you? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): They Dr Nancy Dome: It's like, Carlos, okay, I'm filming you and there's some extras in the background. But because I didn't sound, I didn't look like I sounded to him on the telephone, his dissonance was so strong that he couldn't figure out that I was the one looking for the scholarship, that somehow the girl shagging, cause she's also black, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: might be like, like, is there a shagging, a ball shagging scholarship? Like, I don't know. Because if there is, I'll take that one too. Like, I just want to get the hell out of Arizona. I'll, is there one? Or is it the center who's off to the side because everything is focused on the big black girl, hitting, hitting, hitting, right? So we have this conversation and it, and I'm like, who? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Scholarship. ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: And he's like, yeah, he goes, well, it just, and I'm like, ⁓ you thought I was white. Well, mean, I'm not ever there. And so, you know, I won't ruin the story, but literally it's, it's so, if you want to read the book, it's called the wrong girl in the video, right? Like that, that, that's how strong the dissonance is for folks that we don't fit when you talk differently or you are. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Hehehehehe That's funny. Dr Nancy Dome: you know, intelligent in a way that they don't expect, or you dress in a suit and you show up and you're, or you're in one of those, you know, five star, you know, or Michelin star restaurants, they can't reconcile, they can't reconcile you being there in those spaces. And so like all logic fucking leaves their brain. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Yeah, I get to. I get to go to some functions sometimes and again, I'll be dressed in a suit. And when I walk into the room, people don't know like if they should point to where the kitchen is or if they like, they don't know what to, and you see that like sometimes you see them like straight up like a pause hits their life. They don't know what to do with me, but they don't wanna be, they don't wanna assume and that, but you see, you know what's going through their head, you know? Dr Nancy Dome: Stop. Yes. Yes. Yeah, it can be. It's also tiring as fuck. You know what mean? It's exhausting. It's exhausting. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): but it's fun. Yeah, yeah, but I like to make fun of people. when they come with their silliness, I get to roast them. I tell that to everybody. can do and say whatever you want. don't, for the most part, there's a limit. There's no N words, but you can do and say what you want. I've been through the military. I've been through Chicago public schools. can take... Dr Nancy Dome: You Yes. Yeah, there's limits. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and give it back. don't. Yes, yes. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Any joke. And that's the part. You can say whatever you want, but I also get to say whatever I want. And remember, I'm a little off center. Dr Nancy Dome: That's right. ⁓ Lord, ⁓ goodness gracious. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ So when's when's your book come out? I love you back. I love you back. Dr Nancy Dome: I love you, Carlos. Yes, ⁓ so the release date is the 20th of May, just in a few, a week and a half or so, yep, something like that, and 13 days. And it is on pre-order now. ⁓ And I really, you know, I don't know what it takes. I've kind of been doing some research, you know, because I've been an Amazon bestseller, but I want to be a New York Times bestseller, so I'm putting it out there. Like, I think this is... Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Hell yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: This is a story for now. so, you know, if Oprah was watching your podcast, Oprah, shout out. Girl, you never know, you know. Michelle, I read your book club books, you know. Hey, I'm putting it out there. Like, I feel like it's a book for now. you know, it is a story and it's not... Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): I, you know, you never know, you never know. I read books. Dr Nancy Dome: It's not only, I don't want to say, like I want, you know, I want this to do well, but not only just for me, but because I think it's so important. So like when the, when the editor for my publisher, the editor, they were getting ready for copyright and she wanted to make sure, you know, she was double checking for comprehension because, you know, she's like, this is written really well. There's a couple of things that when you say that, I'm not sure what that is. You know, you tell a story so long that you think people follow the thread. So she said, there's, you know, technical, there's a few issues. And then she's like, on a whole nother note, she's like, after reading your book, I have been kind of estranged from my sister and your book made me want to go, like go back and actually do something about it. And she didn't know the, like I wrote this book because what I needed to tell these stories, but I wanted to show. the power like that we can heal historical trauma that look that we don't have to hide from our past. And that the protocol lives in us like this is an innate way if we if we tap into it right. And I wanted people to learn that without me teaching it right I didn't want it to be like let's talk about race or compassion I you know dialogue journey where I'm teaching a thing I wanted people to innately get it. And so when she wrote that letter I was like. Bingo right it did. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mm-hmm. Dr Nancy Dome: what I wanted because it inspired her even though she doesn't have, you she's living in the UK, she doesn't have my experiences, it tapped into something familiar and it made her, it gave her the courage and the opportunity to do something different than what she was doing. And I'm like, that's what this is about. It's like, I think everyone can see themselves in these stories, not exactly, but there's... There's something that you'll read and you'll be like, just like the broom story, like it's not in there, but it needed to be in there. Grandma getting me with the broom, right? You have a broom story, right? And so there's something familiar in there for everybody. And then that means that there's opportunity to heal if healing needs to happen, you know? And there's times, you know, my husband Taylor, who's a, you know, he doesn't really like to show emotions a lot. He, ⁓ Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): You Dr Nancy Dome: know, every time he's reading my book, he's trying to be tough. And he said one day he had the tissue box. He's like, I just surrendered. just, you know, he's like, yeah. I'm like, and the book is, it's like not sad. It's definitely not like this, woe is me, because I don't ever roll that way. But it touches something in him. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): you For real? ⁓ Yeah. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: And so, you know, he had his Kleenex and I'm like, for my husband to have a Kleenex, one for my, sorry, T, but for my husband to be reading a book. when we went on vacation, he had this book and he cut it in half. was, I kid you not, because it was too heavy to carry and he's like, I ain't gonna read it all anyway. So he cut the book in half and took. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): He got the paperback version. Dr Nancy Dome: I took the first half of the book with him on vacation. So that's how my husband reads. I love him. I love him. ⁓ my God. Yeah. And so that's, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's, know, so yeah, you can get my website drnancydome.com slash glimmers has all the links you can, if you live in Europe or ⁓ UK or Europe, well, which is Europe, but Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Shout out Taylor. Dr Nancy Dome: You can get it from a, you know, I've been trying to support independent bookstores too around this time. Even my publisher is a black independent, you know, publisher. I'm really like, I can have, I want to have an impact all the way down, all the way down. So, ⁓ you know, you can still get it on Amazon, but there's also Barnes and Nobles were reaching out. Sonoma readers, shout out to them. They have it on pre-order right now. And actually, Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Nice. Sure. Yeah. ⁓ cool. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: I will be in Sonoma in July doing a live book launch then. ⁓ So I will definitely let everybody know because I expect y'all to show up and do that. I'll do a book signing and a talk and we'll do a little ⁓ drink. I love Sonoma because you can just have a glass of wine before everything. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yes. We'll be there. Mm-hmm. It's expected. Let me tell you. Dr Nancy Dome: It's expected. ⁓ Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): God, I love talking to you, because all of memories come out. Do you remember Lucy, my dog Lucy? It was right when I got my Fitbit thing. So I wanted to close all my circles, all that silly stuff. And I had gotten home from work and it was late. And I went down to the square, because I wanted to finish getting my circles. And I watched this police officer pull over this old lady. Dr Nancy Dome: Yes. ⁓ huh, of course. Mm-hmm. ⁓ yes. Mm-hmm. You're live. ⁓ no. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): and he pulls her out, he didn't pull her out, he was talking to her, he says, hey, have you been drinking? She says, no. He's like, ma'am, have you been drinking? He said, well, maybe half a glass at dinner, but that's all I had, it was half a glass. And he said, well, I saw you do this and this and that and that. And she says, okay, maybe it was half a bottle. I just laughed and went on about closing my circles. I have no idea what happened to her. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Dr Nancy Dome: All right, we are. ⁓ ⁓ my God. ⁓ my God. Yeah. You got to see, you got to love Sonoma. You got, you got to love Sonoma. ⁓ my God. I miss Sonoma. I do. I miss all y'all. I just, you know, I'm happy where I am. And, you know, I think I truly am a, my soul is a global soul. everywhere, everywhere feels like home, although not quite like Africa, but. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): But yeah, like. Yeah. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: ⁓ But every, you know, just because there's good people everywhere, right? And for me, home is where my people are. So, you know, Sonoma's home because you, my people are there, you know. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah, and you're always welcome. Everybody here loves you. And then when they realize that you're my big sister, everybody's like, you know Nancy? I'm like. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, I think. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Do you know Nancy? Son, we did karaoke together. We are tight, tight. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Okay, so I know I gotta go, I got, okay, there's this quick story. So ⁓ when I was in high school, I went into a drama class. so my brothers, we have different dads. So my brothers were all Hicks's and then my sister and I are Dome. And so I'm in this drama class with Carolee Bogues. She's awesome. And she's calling out Role. And there's a girl in the class, last name is Hicks. And so she's like, do you know, are you related to Ray Hicks? And my brother Ray, was like a jiggle-o. He was cute, was sweet, he was handsome. We lost him way too early. So she ain't stupid, this girl, last name Hicks. So she's like, ⁓ yeah, yeah, that's my brother because she already knew how excited the teacher got that. this was going to be good for her, right? So I'm sitting there looking at her, cause I know Ray Hicks is my brother. Cause there's only one Ray Hicks. So she gets, she's calling, she's calling, she's calling roll. And I, and I raised my hand and she's like, yeah, I said, I said, I'm just curious. I'm like, because I'm not sure how Ray Hicks can be her brother when Ray Hicks, Ricky Hicks and Billy Hicks, son of Willie Hicks. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: Are my brothers and she looked and the girl was like she's like sorry, you know And she's like what your last name's Joe. I'm like different daddies, but they my brother So if anyone's gonna get favoritism in here because of Ray Hicks It's gonna be me. I'm just I'm just setting this straight, you know, so yeah, you know people people people think they know you right until the until they until you realize they don't like I always think it's funny people like talking Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Hahaha ⁓ Yeah. is me. ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: They think they know who you are because they've seen you somewhere, you know, until they meet someone who really knows you, you know. So anyway, just that was a little tangent, but you made me see this is the problem is that you make me go off on shit that ain't even related, but. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Hehehehehe Ha ha ha ha! Dr Nancy Dome: But it's a happy memory though, so you're starting my day with a big ol' smile on my face. Yeah. Yeah. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): I love hearing that. I love hearing that. Yeah, we have about four minutes until I have to let you go. ⁓ So give the folks your elevator pitch to glimmers and ⁓ you guys go get this book. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, yeah. glimmers. I gotta go get this book. That's my elevator pitch is if you want to read something that will inspire you to look at yourself right and in the best possible way, you know, to accept the joy to accept the sadness and the pain and all that and realize that it is what is made you who you are today and find some peace in that and this is it and I you're gonna laugh you're gonna cry. You'll know me better for sure if you have any interested to really know know me better You'll get a little inside of my crazy family and you know, I you know help make this like I I just want to know what it's feel like I want to know I mean how many I need to some research but like how many I Don't even I'm not even gonna ask that question cuz gonna sound a nit But I want to be I I want to have a book go on the New York Times and see bestseller list and see what that means. And not just for me, but to see how I could leverage whatever positional power that gives me to continue to impact like the three kids who are gonna be on my launch. You my three kids from who are now 40 years old, which blows my mind, who I taught when they were high school and who were, you know, badass, you know, on probation. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Isn't that crazy? Dr Nancy Dome: and who are just, life isn't super easy for them all the time, but they're entrepreneurs, they're brilliant, and they're doing, they're fighting a good fight out there, they're good parents. Like, that's, I wanna see what I can do with even more. Like, know, like the Cocoa Guffs of the world, right? Like, what can I do with even more to leave a mark, right? Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah. Yeah. Dr Nancy Dome: to impact that lives positively impact the lives of our babies. Yeah, thank you. I love you. I can't wait. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): I love it. I love it. I love you. I can't wait. ⁓ I'm about to be gone for a couple of weeks. So this is going to be this is perfect timing. This book is perfect timing for me personally, selfishly of so many levels. One, the silliness that happened in the Supreme Court last week. I'm going to be gone and I needed I'm going to be unplugging. ⁓ And I just needed books to read and I have Dr Nancy Dome: Thank Mm-hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): two paperback ones. I have to finish golfing with God. ⁓ It's really good. It's really good. It's easy to read and the story flows. And if you're into golf and God, you're gonna love it. And when I'm done, I can send it to you if you want. ⁓ Dr Nancy Dome: Okay, I heard that's good. Okay, I have to it up. Okay, I'm to have to pick it up. Okay. Yes, please. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Yeah, so I'm excited to get into this, ⁓ into glimmers. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, and you got a pre-release EPUB coffee. So the only thing I ask is that you leave a review somewhere. Yeah, yeah, but I'm looking forward, you know, I'm gonna have a conversation again after you read it. I'm looking forward to know what you think and where we connect even further. I think there's gonna be a lot of, a lot of open. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): ⁓ that's easy work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, it's not even a fear more than I'm motivated to read it because I know, I know it's going to motivate me to do something. Yeah. yeah. ⁓ and that that's just how my brain works. My brain is like, okay, like you have a collection of stories that you wanted to be an author. So you put together a collection of stories that I've Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah, ⁓ good. Yeah, that's what it's all about. Mm-hmm. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): also been drawn to writing and telling stories and teaching and all those things. So that's the thing, like when I see one of my friends do it, and humanity is like that, you know, if someone ran the mile in six minutes, the next person is gonna do it in five, five, nine, you know, that's just how we do. Yeah. And being able to share these stories that could very easily be like, Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Inspire each other. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): heart-wrenching and you know, they pull out the violin and maybe, but instead we get to tell these stories and laugh about it and learn from it. Yeah. That's huge. That's huge. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Yes, and reclaim our power from them. yes. So hey, hey, hey, have a great trip. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Thank you and thank you for coming on and talking about this wonderful book. Again, I can't wait. Dr. Nancy Dome, drnancydope.com. Get your copy now. Dr Nancy Dome: Yeah. Thank you, Carlos and kisses. Yeah. We'll see you soon. We'll see you at the book signing and readers. Okay. Carlos Gomez (Coconut Justice): Mwahs. I'll be there. And with that everybody, we're out. Dr Nancy Dome: Peace out.