Latest / I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar / Gareth Reynolds Disobeys Bridger

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Gareth Reynolds Disobeys Bridger · I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: And I invited you here. I thought, I made myself
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: you're presences. Presence and I already had too much stuff.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: So how do you dare to surbey me?
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: Welcome to I said, no gifts? Temperature wine.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Girl.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: We're here in the studio, as I guess, kind of
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: usual at this point. If you're a current listener, it'll
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: almost be Valentine's Day. So Romances in the Air. This
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: is a passionate podcast. This is an erotic podcast. So
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: you've come to the right place. What's new in my life?
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: Last night and went and saw the movie Primate. What
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: happens is, it's about a group of gals. They go
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: to Hawaii for summer vacation, but then the pet chimp
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: gets rabies from a mongoose and kills all of them.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: And I guess that kind of ruins the summer vacation.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: And this is all while the father's outsigning books. I mean,
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: if me spoiling it doesn't ruin the movie for you.
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: Go ahead and see it. Excellent work by whoever's in
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: the chimp costume by the way I was. Really there
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: were points when I thought it was really a chimp,
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: because we've obviously moved on from actual chimps being in
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: professional productions. They've got great chimp tech. You know, I've
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: complained about Cgidar on the show, probably at least twice.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: They've got to get whoever did the chimp on this
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: to do deer in other movies because it was excellent.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: That's essentially my life. Go to exactly rightstore dot com
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: to get the T shirt. The T shirt's so beautiful,
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: the new one's so gorgeous. So you've got to be
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: in it. You've got to be impressing coworkers, attracting mates,
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: do whatever you want. Happy Valentine's Day, let's get into it.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: I love today's guest. It's Gareth Reynolds. Gareth, welcome to
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: I said no.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: Gifts, Thank you, Bridger, and am I your podcast Valentine?
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: You are absolutely my podcast Valentine.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Thank you be my Valentine. Hello Valentine.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: Are you a big Valentine's person?
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: I'm a terrible all holiday right person. I just don't
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: give a shit even my birthday, So I think that
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: it's okay for me to broadly say I have no
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: interest in any of it.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: Right, And that's how I've become. And I don't know
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: if it's because I've just had so many holidays or
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: if it's because of depression.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: It's you know, I think it's very interesting to watch
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: as society completely collapses. How Like the Christmas Show. I
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: always wonder that about Christmas because I used to love
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: Christmas as a kid, and then and the magic and
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: the all the things that go along. I used to
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: listen to Christmas songs two three weeks leading up two
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: weeks after I would find a great issue with January second,
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: where I'd go, it's all over, I mean this, and
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: we're not talking real holiday person into it. And then
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: over the last five or six years, I just kind
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: of keep going, what are we doing? What the hell
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: is this? No? What what? Like when they talk about
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: shopping time and how I just it's all just kind
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: of a weird little thing. So so to answer your question, No,
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I just don't. I don't care about any of them.
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess that's kind of true. I feel like
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: time has become such a mush that like nothing ever
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: feels like a season anymore to me. It all just
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: feels like, Oh, I guess that we're just checking the box.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: I like that. It's a little time away from the
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: you know, society. I like that break. But outside of that.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: Where we all everybody gets on board with suppressing their feedlongs.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: I would say my holiday drinking in the past three
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: years is troubling. Now I do a dry January because
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: I do a sopping December. Oh, the wine is just
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: overflowing and alone alone holiday parties. Now stand up on
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: the road has made me very good at at the.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: Drin drinking like a hotel room. Yes, wow, this is
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: that's a positive atmosphere.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, this is. This is a very good life
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I've carved up.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: You're getting drunk in a hotel room and watching TV
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: What's going on South Park?
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: And then I'm trying to dissuade myself from going back
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: to the lobby for snacks.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: Oh you go to the lobby for snacks.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Well, they I have the stoner mentality because I used
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: to smoke so much pot that the lobby is. I'm
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: very good if I don't have things in the house right.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: But on the road, they've created the ultimate pantry and
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: it's an elevator right away. And then so you just
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: go down there and you're like, just some peanuts and
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: then you're like, I mean, butterfingers are very fun and
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: silly and I deserve that. And then so I'll just
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: be housing wine and being apologetic to the front desk worker,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: who I'm like, this is trip three, where I'm like three,
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: I can't do four.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: I don't even understand, like these snacks are happening behind
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: the counter at the like, this is something I would
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: wouldn't even explore it a hotel because I'm just afraid
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: of asking for anything.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: But but you know when you go into the lobby
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: that they have the little like gift weird gift shop
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: that like, well it's even more accessible. It's like there's
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: they have a little hidden shanty zone where if you
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: turn the corners bargain ben Willy Wonka and you go
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: in there and they've they've you know, they're like do
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: on gummy bears, some ice cream, by the way, sometimes
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: more wine, which is not great.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: These are everything you've just described pairs so well with wine,
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: butterfinger and wine.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you I'm my walking prilo set commercial. I
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: genuinely am always. They're like black and white still with
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: a little radiating red spot in the chest.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Oh did you go somewhere for the holidays?
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: What did you do? Now? I stayed here and I
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: had gigs. I had a gig on New Year's so
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: I was pretty much here the whole time.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: That's kind of nice. But it was raining the entire time.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that though.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: You like it when it's raining. Yeah, that's I'm getting
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: used to that because it flooded my home so many
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: years in a road that I like in a row.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: I have to kind of readjust to it because it's nice,
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: it's cozy.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Where are you from?
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Originally Salt Lake City?
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: Oh okay? Where are you from? Wisconsin? Okay? So I
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: crave the some season, something that feels like a season
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: something weather. I'm out there trying to ice the rain
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: a little bit, just to give me that like, oh,
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: come on please.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: Right, And this year I went back home to Utah
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: for the holidays. It was seventy degrees. It's good, right,
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: It's perfect. Yeah, totally keeps you in that nice holiday spirit.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: It's that classic Christmas season weather.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: I hate that too. I hate when Christmas is seventy.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's a very this. I've never been in LA
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: during Christmas, so I've always experienced winter weather because I'll
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: go home to Utah where you usually see snow on
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: the mountains.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Yep, this year none of that. I did know you
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: were from Saula like I did. That was a lapse.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: Utah I drive to all my shows. Oh I didn't
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: know that. Yeah, And Utah I think is my favorite
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: state to drive through, well because it's it is gorgeous, gorgeous,
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: so beautiful that there's nowhere really like it. It's like
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Arizona's diet Utah, right, Utah is you feel small.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: You feel extremely small, and I love it. It's those
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: mountains are just like when I grew up, taking them
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: for granted obviously. Yeah, just like this is whatever. Then
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: you move to LA and then you go back and
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: it's like, this feels totally fhonny, this is cgi.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: LA might just be we come here to value what
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: we left. I think might be part of it.
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's probably true. So you're going out,
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: you're just driving four weeks at a time.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I probably about two to three weeks, and I
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: do like a little tour, a run of shows for
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: the most part. Every now and like New Year's I
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: flew out, But but I bring I'm very to what
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: I was pointing out before. I have these tendencies to
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: go off the rails, so I can stay healthy if
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I bring enough home comforts, Like what, It's gonna get
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: weird fast when I answer this question, Just so you know,
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: I'll start. I'll start with the hits A hot plate,
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: a hot plate, and a frying pan, and I'm cooking
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: in the room. Feel like a detective. What But I'm
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: solving my own issues, driving on what's wrong with what
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: is the mystery?
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Well?
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Why am I like this?
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: It's because you want to cook something in particularly healthy.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: I want to eat healthy and I and it saves money.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: But I you know, I tour with with people and
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: they will be absolutely horrified by by what I have become.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: Well, this is something I take for granted. In La
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: is like I'll go somewhere and realize, oh, LA has
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: every sort of food I could possibly want, and then
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: go somewhere else and You're like, there are two options,
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: and both of them will kill me. I know, So
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: I guess they'll can a hot play with you. Not
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: a bad idea.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: I'm able to consistently know what I'll be having, and
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: it does make me eat healthier because especially because if
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: you go to a comedy club, what they're offering is, right,
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: disco fries.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: It's upsetting, right buffalo wings. Yeah, so what are you cooking?
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: I'll cook my breakfast, which is some eggs. Okay, I
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: can put a little toast on there.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: So you're going to like where you get You're going
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: to the grocery store and getting eggs in random town
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: and putting it in the hotel fridge.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I have a fridge in my van. Oh
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: it's a whole nightmare, that's what I'm saying. But then
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: also like I'll have I have like a detergent and
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: I mean again it's psychotic. But these are all the
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: things that make me able to travel as much as
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: Right, And you're also just constantly prepared for a disaster.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm a disaster pared for a disaster. Do you
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: do you actually prep for disaster?
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: Stuff? I need to get at least like something in
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: my home.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: I do. What are you looking for?
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: Well, currently, this is what I have. It's like twelve
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: bottled waters beneath my bed.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: You're gonna be the You're not going to last as
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: long as I think you'll want to. But part of
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: me wonders, do you even want to?
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: Right? I mean, this is a constant thing where I'm
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: just like, let me die.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: It's kind of cope in a way for not having
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: to do anything now. But right, but I would you know,
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: I've always admired the Mormon preppers.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: Oh, I mean that's a that's part of Mormon culture.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: It's not even like part of more.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: That's very I I at some point I'll probably swing Mormon.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: I love Utah. I love their prepping. More wives, let's go.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: But I you know, they'll have places where they have preserves,
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: games and jerkys and.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: We every Mormon has a basement and there's like at
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: least one room dedicated to preparation.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: Did you grow up with that?
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, yes, I still have a room like that
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: has various groceries and stuff, which is just kind of use.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: It's just like kind of your little warehouse. But so
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: here's why you have a great situation. You are your
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: drive to Utah is probably about twelve bottles of water away,
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: so I have to use those to shower. I don't
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: think that's the right.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: I really if I could just give you a little advice.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: Hold on, I know you like to be cleaned, but.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: I love to be screening. But I just you do
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: that when you get there, do you know what I mean? Right? Yeah,
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: you're you know, want to hydrate.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: Head back to my parents' house there, and then I
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: just leach off of them through the rest of the earth.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: And by the way, I would love to be included
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: in this. Like I said, I'm Mormon light, so I'm
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: ready to I've.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: Got four seats in my car. I'll auction them off,
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: let's you know, for like meat or something, whatever thing
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: I need me.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: I'll be like I'm a hot plate and pan. I mean,
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna be a valuable I'm gonna be very valuable
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: in that ride. I've got a big thing of tougher
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: that although my.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: Car is electric, so it's like we'll probably get I'll.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: Be honest, I don't think. I don't think we're gonna
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: make it.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: No, I'm absolutely not prepared. I'm not the sort of
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: person that survives.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I I I I think about it, but I
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: am not as prepared.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's so interesting I mean, I actually, we're
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: not getting into this because I'm going to get really
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: real about it. And I don't want to think I'm
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: pushing away these thoughts.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: I push the Valentine's episode. So we should probably talk
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: about each other. How is dry January going for you? Well,
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: first of all, I do get a cheat day. I've
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: made a contract with myself. But it's good. It is
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: a great reason.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: Right. Do you feel fully different when you're not drinking? Yes,
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: this is the thing I get from everyone who does
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: a dry something.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: Well, and then and they seem to hate being out
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: of it. I think being out of the draft or
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: out of dry January like it seems like like this
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: sounds so good, the other eleven months of the year
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: must be a fascinating experience.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: It's I think, I think it is that you it's
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: about maybe three months. My brother said, once he's quit
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: drinking for six months, he was fully done.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: Oh wow.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: So I think if you make the three months, you
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: really start to think I'm not gonna do this, right,
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: But the month is it is It is a full
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: reminder of what are we doing? Why do we do this?
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: It is a poison. And then you get out of it,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: and you go, I do a little bit, and then
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: by April you're like, hey, I do dry jenuey, I
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: can do whatever I want.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: Your face down on a hotel room.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're you're like apologizing to some woman named Candace
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: for your fifth butterfinger. You know, but uh, it is great.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: The sleep is great.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: Okay, that's what I always hear.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: The sleep is great. The sleep is great. Is it
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: because you just wake up more refreshed? Well, yeah, I
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: think you You don't sleep great. Alcohol effects your sleep
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: pretty pretty detrimentally.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: It puts you to sleep, but doesn't really.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not a good sleep. So you I got
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: this this the aura ring thing.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's an aura ring.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: And what it really is is it's just like an
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: ass whole who every morning you wake up because that
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: was bad? Or Andrey Jay is aust What are you
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: doing different? I'm like nothing.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: I feel like the shaming can't possibly help, doesn't help. No,
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: it's just driving you further into whatever you're doing. It
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: depresses me, which leads into the bottles.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: I go right back to the bottle.
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: This feels like basic human psychology to me, that this
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: company is overlooking I think.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: But I need it.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: There's some of us are so incapable at adulting that
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: we we you've got to have a device.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: I like that. It's like, hey, there's one hundred calories
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: back there. How does it track calories? I honestly, it's
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: probably all bullshit. It's probably all bullshit, but I have
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: something to do with your heart rate, your your biometric
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: ish data.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: Do you ever find yourself like slipping it off and
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: going into a like a bakery or something.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: Well it's not a camera, so but it doesn't it'll
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: burn calories. It tells I can't tell how much you've Oh,
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: it tells you how many you're burning.
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why I was like, how could it possibly
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: know what's going into that? I would love like hooks
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: into your blood strap. It is, there's a little pin
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: who goes through it through my finger. This has gone
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: too far.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: It shocks me when I'm bad. No Jesus, Oh yeah, you.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: Don't want to track how many calories you're burning because
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: it's literally impossible.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I agree, you could.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: You could run like fifty miles and it's like seventy
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: five calories.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: It's and it's honestly, it is disappointing. There's lots of
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: times where I'll go the only thing that likes is
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: yard work. Yard work. It's like it's five thousand calories.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't I don't think it we're doing
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: in the yard. I'm literally just like mowing it or
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: strimming and it's and it's just going, man, you're a beast. Wow.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: But then I'll go for a run and it'll be like.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: A right fascinating.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's weird.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: I guess if it was a manual lawnmower, that's real.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah it's not.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sure it's rocking automatic electure.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Oh electric.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: I haven't moved the lawn since my parents, and that
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: was a gas one, of course.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, those are the miss mowing the lawn. Well, you
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: had the rider, No, I wish I had had. My
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: dad had the rider when I was growing.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: My dad has one now of course. Yeah, now that
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: you had three sons that could push a lawnmower, that's
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: a motor. That's why you have children.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: That's why you have kids. That's what you know.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: I actually loved pushing it. If there's something very satisfying
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: about the entire experience.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. I I feel like I've done way
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: more than my God the or ring affirms.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: That, of course, like you're a beast out there stay
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: behind the lawn miller.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, but I uh no, I do too. I
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: really enjoy getting that project done.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: So you're mowing the lawn. And what was the other
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: thing you said you're doing in.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: This strimming swede eating? Oh? Interesting one called weed whacking.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: We'd whacking. I don't like a weed whacker to death. Really,
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: It's like I'm gonna take a toe off or something.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: There's a thing there. I don't know.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: It feels like a dangerous that doesn't It feels like
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: those need to be in more horror movies.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I agree, And I also I don't know why we're
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: doing it. It's right, I'm whacking. It's like a nice
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: little grass wall.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: I feel like if we could just embrace weeds as
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: a nice looking plant. It was everyone's prop.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: It was my twenties and thirties loved it. Now you've
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: never smoked weed? Oh yeah, you love weed. I don't
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: love weed. You've done?
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I would prefer to get high, uh to drinking?
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: For sure? What is do you and bibe? What is
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: your no?
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: Not that often. No, it's just not I like to
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: feel it's probably a control issue. Yeah, truly, it's a
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: thing where I feel the need to be in control
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: all the time.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: I think that is as smart. That's yeah, look at
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: my life, what is it, what is it benefiting? We're
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: all losers. We are all massive loser. That's kind of
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: the thing.
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: It kind of just doesn't matter about you do at all.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: There's always something I like I said, when I was
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: a fat pig man and I kind of cleaned up
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: my stuff that I would then I would go, well,
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: you ate like three apples last night. You know, there's
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: always three apples and nagging. Yeah, I'd be like, you're
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: a monster. Like when I was really good on my
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: I just did my special and I like got in
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: very good shape for that, and then the wheels completely
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: came off. But when I was leading up to that,
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: you know, I'd eat like a hundred calorie popcorn and
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: I'd go, you just you're out of control, you are
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: out of your mind. You are such a bad boy.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: Have you lost a lot of weight?
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: I see pictures or things of myself from uh maybe
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: five years ago, and I was a lot fatter. Interesting,
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: like I'm still not great. I would say you're in
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: great shape. Well, I sometimes I'm in great shape, and
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: sometimes I'm like it's eluding me. But when I look
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: back five years ago or five to ten years ago,
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: I really go, wow, Craig could because I was walking
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: around going I'm in great shape, right, And I was
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: very resistance.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: Yes, well, you probably looked great.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: I did not. There is no part of me that
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: looked great. I'm gonna bring up some pictures I could
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: gladly do that. I'm sure you were fine. I wasn't
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: all relative. No, I was fat. So I appreciate you're
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: very nice, but I was disgusting you wanted to change.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: You wanted to change. I really enjoyed the partying.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: And that, and it was all coming from drinking, mostly drinking,
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: and calories were mostly in and weed. Okay, I was
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: really snacking.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I had no concept of how many
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: calories were in things.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: Right. It's hard to tell.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: It really shouldn't be, but for me it was impossible
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: being nice. It's not you, yeah, I mean it's like
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: the well they the serving size. That's some lawyer bullshit.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: Back of package. It's simply there on the package. Yes, yes,
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: but the serving I will push back. The serving size
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: is quite a They should it literally should just not.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: I guess it shouldn't have a serving size. Now you
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: should just say this is how much is in the bag,
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: because we know you're going to eat the entire thing.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: The plan is for all of it. I'll do the
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: math if I want it. But instead they go these
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: nutterer butters fifty calories and you go, that's awesome, and
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: then they go I went through a big nutter butterface.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: I'm not surprised.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: I ate there was a period when I was, I mean,
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: how csing nutter butter.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: That's see, they're out of control. You did not enjoy that.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: They are a delicious Oh they're fantastic.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: They are.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: But then I found a better alternative called the peanut
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: butter gaucho.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: Of the gaucho, well it's off.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: The market now, removed it from the market. Unfortunately, I
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: was the only consumer of the peanut butter goucher. What
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: was like a more It was a heartier nutter butter.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: It was like a butter simply not healthier, No, but
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: it tasted a little less sweet, and it's more like
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: peanut butter. And so that makes it actually easier to eat,
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: because like a sweet thing, eventually you're like, oh, I'm
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: feeling sick, but a less sweet thing. I'm through the
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: whole bang.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: We and you you could comfortably house that because you are.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: You're a very felt Oh thank you.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: I We'll see when this all ends. I feel like
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: I have been blessed with some sort of DNA that
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: allows me to but.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: It's not because you have a focus on I.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: I've like I think I've kind of managed both. There
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: was a huge period when I was eating I was
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: eating not at least nine cookies a night, depending on somes.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: And now I'm eating one cookie a night.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: And I love that for you, Thank you. I love
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: it for me as well, one cookie night dy.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: But I do feel like my family is able to
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: eat a lot of food without gaining a ton of weight.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: What point am I trying to make here?
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Well that you you? I mean that nutter butters were gauchos.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: Was there another peanut butter flavored cookie? I think those
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: are the two big ones.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: So you remember nutty bars.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: I'm not a nutty bar person.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: The texture. I haven't had one in a while, but
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I remember them. Being fantastic. I don't like a wafer.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Oh I'm a wafer guy, so you have to.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: I think it's a there are two different people in
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: the world, a wafer or no wafer, And I don't
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: like a way for that soft push on your teeth
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: kind of sends a chill down my spot.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: Yet, see, I think this is the issue. I'm not
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: a I'm I'm a I'm gonna bring me. You're tired,
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: you're poor, year hungry, whatever it is, eat out of it. Yeah,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: peanut butter for me, I can't have that in the house.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm like a dog. It is exactly if
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: any if I was ever loved by anyone, it would
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: end once they saw me with peanut butter.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: What about the powder, the peebee powder? Yeah, all that
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: to me honestly more dangerous because it it takes up
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: less like you get more bang for your bite. Right,
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: And it is magic peanut butter that you can just
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: mix with water and create whenever. And you think of
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: it as since it's not as readily accessible, but no,
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: it is way healthier.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: But I mean again, I mean healthy, I don't know
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: what healthy is. Again, if you eat, if you apothet
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: carry all the powder to life in one evening. It's
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: not good for you. And I'm capable of moves like that.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: So your home is it just the cupboards are bare
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: for the most part. That's kind of how my house is,
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: to be honest, I don't cook at a home at all.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: So I just have the like cookie dough in the
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: fridge in a few healthy stents.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: See, if I had cookie dough in the fridge, that
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: would be gone right.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: See, but there's that step. If you cook, want bake one,
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: then shut the oven down. Now there's a whole process
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: that you have to get going before more get back.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to insult your intelligence, but you obviously
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: know that you don't need to cook COOKI dough.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: But there's no fear of food poisoning. No, nothing will
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: stop you.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: I want it. It'll slow me down, just like I'm
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: like Godzilla. Just the bullets bounce off me if I'm
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: in the zone.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: It.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: So my mother was in uh she was had some
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: surgery out here, and my brother and I, so we
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: were at the hospital. I don't remember the exact logistics
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: of this, but my brother and I were at the
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: hospital and then my brother. This is two three years ago. Uh,
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: and this is December when the you know, the wheels
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: come off right, And he had a bag of rollos
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: like a family. Hey, here's rollos for the month. And
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: he stayed the night at my place and uh and
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: left the next morning and forgot the rollos.
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: Oh no.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: And so then two nights later we go to the
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: hospital for my mother and sort of as similar. He's like, well,
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: come over, and he mentions the rollos and I thought, well,
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: he doesn't know Daddy's little secret that those are all
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: gone because I spiraled two nights ago or over the
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: past two nights. And then he got to my place
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: and he it's it's been a joke since.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: Well and roller that's impressive because rollers are a thing
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: you really have to work through. It's a real chewy thing.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: And as well as independently the.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: Soil a series of steps and stopped me. Didn't stop
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: me if I had a bottle of wine.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Nothing. Nothing.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: I think rollos are disgusting, by the way. Interesting so
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: my girlfriend I think they were like there are two
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: ingredients that I love and they're not doing it. Well.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: Oh see, she my girlfriend has the story about she
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: she loved the caramel, so she put a bunch of
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: rollers in a colander and watered the chocolate off to it.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: And I was like, you know they can buy caramel.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: What do you had? It's not a precious restorry. Honestly,
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: it's like she didn't know that there was just caramel available.
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: It's like cooking down heroin or something.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: It's so crazy, like PB, that's like that to me,
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: very similar to Heroin.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: Well, look, we have to talk about something else. There's
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: something else that I've been dancing around here. Okay, Gareth,
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: I was excited to have you here on the podcast.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: Thank you a thou Garris, come by.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: We'll have a nice time. We'll move on with our days.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: Gareth has a podcast. He knows what he's doing.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: Sure, I have eighteen podcasts. Go ahead.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: This podcast is called I said no Gifts, So I
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: was a little startled. I'll say it was a jump
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: scare when you walked in holding two gorgeously wrapped gifts.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: So you want to get to the premise. Yeah, there's
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: not an intervention. You're shifting gears for this in the family.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, my stalker, Gareth. We haven't been recording.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, that would be how sad. That's that's
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: a horror film. Someone who pretends they have a podcast
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: that's so scared. Oh, that's really episodes.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: That those stand ups who do sets in their basement
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: and then put mute or put an audience laughter. That's
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: a scary.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, we all start somewhere and I can't
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: defend it, but I did it. It was the eighties,
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: it was wild.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: Well should we open these gifts here on the podcast? Well?
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Yes, allow me to contextualize, because you you flagged a
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: couple things, first that there's two and second that the
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: wrapping is perfect. Shit. So I thought I was doing
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: this show. Probably a month ago, I had a miscommunication
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: with Kevin Bartel, who's the producer of next we have
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: my one of my eighteenth one that you've been on
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: the people should go listen to, and and so I
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: had them wrapped in preparation and it was literally I said.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: I texted Kevin that morning and I said, hey, what, uh,
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: you know, what's the address? And then Kevin goes, oh,
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: you know whatever, You're going to do it another time today.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: So I wrapped two thinking that on the way I
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: would make a decision. Sure, this feels very honestly, I
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: forgot what they were. So the joy of these gifts
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: is that I don't know what I've given you. Now
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: one of them, as you can see, the wrapping has
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: started to fall by, said one of them. I do
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: now know, right, you must have caught a glimpse of
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: I caught a glimpse right. The other I know what
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: it is, but I don't know specifically what it was.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: And one of them will kill me.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: One of them is a snake. One of them is
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: a venomous python.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Should I just open the top? One?
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: For sure?
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: As I said, it's gorgeously wrap Thank you holiday Holiday
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: rap okay brand, Yes, this is completely it's a bag
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: of Smarties smart Mix. Yeah, what are we talking about when.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: We say smart Mix? Oh? I think you're getting all.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: The Oh they've evolved Smarties, thank god. Yes, it's about time.
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: This brand was around for four hundred years. Yes, and
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: they finally said let's put some new flavors.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Now, I'll tell you how I ended up with them,
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: which is talk like that. I was on one of
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: my other Ateen podcasts called We're Here to Help with
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Jake Johnson and Jimmy Kimmel was our gud oh I
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: love and I don't remember what I said, but I
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: think Jimmy and I were shitting all over Smarties.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: It was like basically just a step above Tombs or
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: something like that. And Smarti's reached out to me on Instagram.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: Oh of course said and said, hey, you've soured our
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: name publicly. We'd love this. We'd love to undo that
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: and send you some Smarties. And they sent me a
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: huge box of Smarties.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: And yeah, this is the thing that feels bad.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: As someone who said I can't have snacks in the house,
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: the Smarties have made it.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: This feels like a bad move on Smarti's part, especially now,
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's more of a thing if like
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: you send a Smarties T shirt so the person doesn't
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: try the product again and say, well, I still don't
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: like it.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: You know, they make a little lollipop oh and that's
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: actually good. Those are gone.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: But it's like the texture of a Smartie.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: Yes, but somehow it works more for me. Sour. It
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: multiple a multitude of flavors, but I would love to
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: get feedback as a one cookie night, I could see you.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna try these sour ones, right I like a
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: sour candy. Okay, interesting, I don't.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: Oh you don't. I've almost loved sour candy. What is
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: that about? That's like people are like really hot things.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think it's like you've burned off all of
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: your nerves and you're looking for something to feel.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: Okay, here's original. That's by the way. I don't think
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: we could just move on from that real simply Bridger right,
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: that is a very dark stent.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: I know I'm dead inside. So Smarties, there's I like decade,
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: I haven't been in love in ten years, so I
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: do sour patch kids.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: I can barely get out of bed in the morning.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, so what are these?
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: Okay, there's I'm I'm gonna try the extreme sour right
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: because I know the original suck and they should just
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: cancel those again.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: I want to thank Smarties for the care package, and
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: I apologize for Bridges doing does not speak. I don't
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: even think he speaks for his show. I think he
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: just speaks personally. This is not the I said no
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: gifts policy on smart Smarty. It's just to be clear.
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: I haven't received my box yet.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: Yes, that's the move.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: Yes, and I'm really looking forward to having tons of
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: and they sugar.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: They load you up. They're not fucking around. All right,
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: let me get in here. Do you want any of these? No,
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: thank you, I came having had as they say, Troy and.
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: Okay, I mean, first of all, textually it's tough. Yeah,
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: smarty is not. It's very drug store candy.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: It's kind of it's it's just kind of the page
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: one note, which is.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: This is the texture of ad hanging in there with
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: this exactly you're pilly, Okay, I will say, okay, wow,
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: hard to swallow.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: And and the not not from the no. See for
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: those who are are not seeing this, you're you are
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: having sour face, yeah, which I think you would enjoy. Yeah,
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: but you seem to be chemically the fate.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: The sour face is coming from the turning into powder
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: like I'm eating bone. Ok So it's merrily yes, Okay, Okay,
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: I would say it's rich and marrow. No, I think
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: that the flavor is actually good.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Okay. So like if I think they should just Top
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Chef keep going.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: They should cancel regular flavor. Okay, literally, no one wants you.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: Want them canceled. You want them to dig up some
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: all stuff that's Smartie's regular.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: Dead find the misogynistic of tweets they were about, like,
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: I mean, look, you wore that.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: They should.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: I don't know why they keep trying with the original
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: show me one person in the world after ninety nine
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: years old.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: It's like the Lays original, Who is that for?
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: That's me? See that a salty chip? Stop a salty chip.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: Oh, you're gonna find yoursel out number. No, there's a plethora.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: I just been looking for free Lays. There's a plethora
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: of flavors where they've gone in directions that are far superior.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: I love a salt salt and grease's, yes, but they
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: offer that in a multitude of flavor, Like what flavor
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: are you going for? We okay, here, I'm going to
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: say something and you're gonna get upset, and I'm gonna
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: say it anyway. Salt and vinegar.
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, I love a saltank. I'm not opposed to the rest. No,
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: but I think that you just need to have that
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: original to go back to.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: If I have original and another and I hate sour
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: cream and onion, I'll probably go there over there.
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I love a sour cream and onion.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: But most of these things that don't really pair well
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: with another food. If you're having it with a sandwich
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: or something. I just want salt on a chip. It's
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: like a French fry.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I well, you've made a pretty good case there.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie to you, but that's what I
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: would say, side dish lays, right, okay, As a pull
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: from you know, the gas station, what are we doing?
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you need to have something along with that.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Here's something they've never said at a chevron, we're out
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: of LA's original. That's never happened. No, absolutely not. We're
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: running low on the original ones.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: I would say, even at a gas station, I don't
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: even go for a potato chip. I needed like a
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: dorrito or something. I need something that's fully like an experience.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: Now, why do you not consider that a potato chip.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: Dorito was a corn chip?
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, you're right, break it, you're right. Give one. You're
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: very good, egg all over your face. You're very good,
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: by the way. I love eggs. No, you're you're absolutely right,
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: and I agree. I Now, have you had dots? Pretzels? Dots?
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: No, what's this?
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna quickly give you the timeline of Dots pretzels.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: I found dots pretzels, became obsessed with dots pretzels. They're
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: the best pretzels ever. Are they a stick or like
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: the and they have now tons of flavors, which is
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: you know what happens? But she Dot uh, you know,
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: she had this lovely little I'm just a lady who's
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: making pretze. She was like a doctor Brauner type. Yes, completely,
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: and so you're going, oh, I support this one. Well,
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: she sold her company to Hershey's and now they are
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: acting like, you know, dots is gold, that the price
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: of a bag of dots is astounding. Is the quality
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: the same? I think it's a little tweaked, But you're
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: not gonna be You're not gonna walk away from the
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: dot conversation because of the flavor or quality. It's the
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: fact that somehow this person has allowed this big company
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: to be charging eight nine dollars ten dollars a bag
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: that can't possibly be turned.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: It's true, that's crazy.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: And you got rolled gold sitting over there.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: Nine. Yeah, they're terrible, but price wise, I just I
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: will not can't justify that.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: No, I'm furious that the dots line. No, that's then
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: like a wedding gift. Yes, that is. And by the way,
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: I've given it a wedding and they're not even happy.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: So nobody's there like, this is not a gift. I'm
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: going this is. That was twenty dollars a pretzel.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: Why are the dots one so good?
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: She just did it right, I don't know.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: Wow, it's just a good flavor.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Whatever she did, she did it, she did it right.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: Dott no dot dot. For a second, I was like,
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: are we talking about the government, the Department of tts,
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: which is what Smarty's got canceled for that tweet? But
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: but no, she's she's just.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: Lost the plot right, Well, I mean she sold out,
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: sold out Tale's old as time, betrayed her dream. Yes,
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: she created a beautiful product and she could have had
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: just enough money, Yes, but then she needed a third home.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: What is with us?
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: This lady sucks?
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: I agree, I'm furious at her.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, what a betrayal.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: I agree. How much money is enough?
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: That really is a question for me a lot recently.
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: I completely agree, and the same I just like what
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: science needs to get down to what is enough money?
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: It's it's it's really weird, especially because you know, we've
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: in the last twenty years, we've let it get so
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: out of control that it it's I don't know if
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: we thought that these sick tech bros were going to
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: cut themselves off, right, but whatever it is, they took
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: it all. They're sick, yes, And now we're all standing
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: here going like, hey, assholes. Most of us are just chilling,
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: like we just want to not right, just enough, and
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: we're only am I working for it. Just give us
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: the time to just you know, relax a little bit
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: after night cookie.
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, not being a full panic all the time. Yeah, No,
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: I don't understand. I mean the thing for me is like,
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: once you're two, a billion or whatever, it's like, what
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: do you buy it? What could you possibly need?
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: It's a chemical problem.
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: Right, it becomes like a mental illness. I think it's like, uh,
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: I hate to bring it back to Primate with the rabies,
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: but I think something goes wrong in your brain, the
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: wiring blows up, and suddenly you're just like the number
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: will never be enough.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: But what do they all have in common? For the
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: most part, because I actually in my special have a
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: very large chunk dedicated to how billionaires should not exist
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: they're losers. They were losers. Yeah, they're truly, they grew
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: up total losers.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah that's really I mean, Mark Zuckerberg couldn't be a
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: bigger loser.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Mark Zuckerberg was such a loser that he took he
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: created a social media empire and still everyone's like, yeah,
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: you're like a dipshit right.
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: Well, and the empire started on a thing trying to
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: make friends that he stole.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: He couldn't from his only friends, the only two people
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: who let him in on the inner circles. So what
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: a feeling, yeah, I mean, and then he buys like
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: an island in Hawaii to prepare for when everyone wants
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: to kill him, and it's like, or just give ninety
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: eight percent of it back.
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: There's such an easy solution to all of us. It's
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: the same thing with Elon. All he wants to do
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: is be funny, and it's just like, well, it simply
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: can't be it.
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: Really, he is like a Greek myth.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it's a lesson that will eventually be
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: learned humor us Like he he really it's all, especially
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: when you know Comedy's back all.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: That stuff, and it was like yeah, but it's still
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: doesn't mean you're funny, dude, And it's the thing people
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: like us can do. And and yet it's all he
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: wants and he can all the money, he can't buy it.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: Did you see over the weekend he had a joke. No,
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: he was Davos, which you don't even get me started,
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: but he it was. I think his joke was peace.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: It was like, I don't even know what the acronym
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: stands for, but he was up there, like, I think
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: it's because everyone wants a piece. I mean bombing at Davos.
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: That is a warm room, able to kill.
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: You should be murdering it absolutely with a popsicle stick
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: shokes seriously, and it's.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: Like all the rich, they're paid, they're incentivized to be there,
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: and he is bombing.
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: Oh that episode of SNL is should be sent into space.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: It's such a fascinating thing to look at.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: It was a real hinge moment of look we allowed
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: Steven sagaal Wayne Gretzky, Michael Phelps, You've.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: Gone too You've gone too far.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: This is not okay, this is wrong.
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: I need to go back and watch that. It's really
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: just mind blowing.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: It's art. But we have not had the distance to
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: look back and analyze it just yet. And again I'm
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: not saying that. You know, look the dots, lady Dot,
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: she's not a billionaire. She might be.
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: Well maybe we don't know what that deal was with
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: her she's but what are we what are we doing?
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: I truly don't know. I mean my theory is I
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: remember as a kid of cheating and video games, you
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: would put in a cheat code and get into the
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: dice or whatever. I'm sure, and then the game immediately
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: becomes boring. Yes, And I think that's what happens once
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: you have that much money. You're like, well, life is boring. Now,
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: maybe if I get more money, it will be it'll
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: stop being boring.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: Well, they've even out acquired that sensation because now it's
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: Mars or they need to go in Greenland for their minerally,
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: like the only thing they agree on is just the
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: next crazy step where they're like, we need to put
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: chips in our head corn not potato and uh and
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: and we need to go to other planets and we
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: need to colonize these places. And it's just like we
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: left them alone for too long.
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: Wait too long? Well, an elon, it's also a drug. Thing, right, Yeah,
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: what drug is he doing?
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: There's a lot.
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: He totally melted his brain, yes.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: But there are drugs that he That's why I hate
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: when I find out that these people take mushrooms or
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: shit like, because I'm like, no, you're you're doing You're
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: not taking the same as the rest of us. Right,
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: You're no longer with us when you take mushrooms. It's
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: you want to touch plants and hug trees and walk
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: barefoot in the garden that hasn't been strimmed, all these things.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: You certainly the last thing you are thinking about is
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: how do I acquire everything to make everyone my slave
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: or servant or serf. It's crazy?
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: How do I make the algorith the more efficient? Yes?
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: While doing much? Yes? Yes? Yeah? And I mean so
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: so I don't know. So she dots, she's on the shade.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: I hope she it was worth it. It probably in
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: the nightmarish scenario that we've set up for all of ourselves,
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: it was.
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: And they probably you know, it's probably a non compete clause.
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: She probably can't create dots too, No, no more dots.
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: So she's got like change her identity, burn off her fingerprints,
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: start creating more dots.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: Oh, that would be hilarious. Hi, I'm Todd Dot. We
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: figured out that that's just that backward. It's me Todd.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: I also make pretzels, but I do the classic version.
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: She's going to get bored. I you would hope she's
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: going to get bored and she's going to start killing.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: I think that they're so. My old booking agent retired
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: in early sixties and maybe late fifties, and he literally
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: did the math where he said, I wanted to figure
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: out how much I needed to live the rest of
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: my life happy, okay, and what wasn't Well I don't
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: know the exact figure, but but he he did the
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: plan away and he looks phenomenal and his life is exceptional.
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: I'm sure it is.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: And he's not looking to be a you know, a billionaire,
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: one hundred millionaire, any of that. Ship.
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: He knows what he wanted and needed and now has
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: did the map.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: Right, That's that's all we should be going.
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: I feel like that's kind of the only answer you
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: can get about life is what I actually want to need.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: If you can get to that.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, and they better watch out because they are
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: the case for socialism or communist They keep whether people
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: recognize it or not, they are out there making the
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: case every day. My god, I just love what people
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: who are getting crushed under capitalism are going like, I mean, yeah,
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: but this is the best version of a system. And
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: you're like, what how what are you talking about? Look
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: at the fact, you fool number.
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and those are usually the people whose lives are
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: an Ebbs disaster. Yeah, there's there is this usually sad man,
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: but it's Stockholm. Mean, yeah, it really, I mean you
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: think of that is and it's a little like I'm different.
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: I will be the person who'll be oh.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're all yeah. It's like being behind someone buying
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: scratch off. Right, it's just a matter of time where
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: you're just going, sir, please this sir, it's not it ain't.
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: It ain't the tickets there should I try a tropical
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: flavor here, God, I'm not gonna like that. I think
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: tropical flavor is revolted. Sure, and look they're they're padding
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: the bag with the original flavor.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Of course, adding the bag.
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: They know what they're doing. Original this is try a tropical.
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to get the tropic. Okay, got a tropical right,
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: there you go. I have you ever had a good
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: experience with the tropical punch?
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: Do you do you vacation? Have you ever been to
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: a tropical I was just in Hawaii and it was lovely? Well, well, well,
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: look who doesn't hate tropical stuff all of a sudden,
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: as long as it's not in my mouth? Well, listen,
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: I've said that on an island before.
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: Oh and immediately I think this was banana.
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: Oh, the worst of them all, Oh, Bridger, Oh, this
• 44:07
  Speaker 4: is this is a This is a gift from the
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: heart that I forgot I brought you until about ten
• 44:12
  Speaker 4: minutes before I came in here.
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: This is somehow worse than regular smart Well, I need
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: a regular Oh my god.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: The ungrateful nature of this is.
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: The move for Smarties. If Smarties is listening, take normal
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: off the market, Take extreme sour off the market, release
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: tropical for about eight to twelve months.
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: By the way you backlash, you are the surviving.
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: The plan you've just pitched for them is yeah, you've
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: gotta save up a little bit of money for a
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: rainy time.
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: It looks Smarties, this is this is like changing your
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: golf swing. In a year. You'll thank me.
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: You've got to be able to the weather a bit
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: of a storm, but an eight to twelve, the backlash
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: will be so unbelievable. People will Yeah, people will be
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: begging for regular smartiest.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: I just I think, I think to if you listen
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: back to your original thoughts on this company, even you
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: will admit that that pitch is maybe not going to
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: work for them.
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: Well, nothing else is working, Bridger.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: I want to see.
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: I want to see the financials as Smarties. I can't imagine.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm as close as you're gonna be able to
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: get to it because they sent me free stuff and
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: I don't even know what them what they are. I
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: got smart as its own company.
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: I want to see. Can't that's a Canadian?
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: Oh is it Canadian?
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: And it's it's own Oh no, it's Jersey Well making
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: it in Canada.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: That it seems Canadian. And I mean that with no
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: offense to Canadian.
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: I think Canadians doing well with less right, it is
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: its own company.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: I wonder what else they're making. I've got to be
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: making something good. It probably saw gas or something.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: They're my friends, Okay, I understand we've had some fun
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: and poke some fun at them, but you know they're
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: they're my and Smarties. I'm not asking for more. I
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: have a lot, so no need to give me more.
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: He's giving them away.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: I'm literally I'm giving them away on a podcast where
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to spend my own money. So please,
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: for the love of God, we're good.
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: I mean, I says family owned since nineteen forty nine.
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: So now I like that. The guilt is creeping good.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: So maybe I have another bite of the Tropical.
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: What do you think the Tropical has got to leave
• 46:18
  Speaker 3: the market immediately. That was a huge mistake. This sour
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: was a great pivot to gen Z get rid of
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: regular flavor.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: So it sounds if you're you're in earnest business advice
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: is sour own sour only.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: Maybe do a little work with the old fashioned graphic
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: so it's not just seniors buying them anymore. I agree,
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: And maybe you sell them in bangs.
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: You know what smarties are great for is to tell
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: the kids of the neighborhood around Halloween stop coming here.
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: Don't come back. I don't like you ringing my doorbell.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: Leave me alone.
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: There's something wrong in this home.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: We are alcoholics. Go away. This was in a roar
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: we hate you.
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that that is probably its main function.
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so there you go. You're welcome.
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: But we wish the smartiest family the best best.
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: And thank you for all the free smarties. Yeah, and
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: to be clear, Bridger loved the sour after the Tropical.
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: The sour worked. It's just the texture.
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: It had to be a retrospective taste. But he had
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: to look yeah, like I didn't know what I had
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: at the Yes, so that's gift one.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's see this one again. I don't remember what.
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: Okay, it's kind of a I would say, like a
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: record vinyl record shaped or calendar wall calendar shaped thing.
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: I assume whatever this is is also just made of smarty.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: It's a big smarty Oh fantastic, that's what it was.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: Wow, it's a Mama and Papa's vinyl. Yes, they're twenty
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: greatest hits.
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: Now this is where I actually believe that the Mamas
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: and Papas have some great songs. Yeah, I mean more
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: than their two big hits, right, but I feel like
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: we know California Dreamman the hit and Monday Monday yep,
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: and then can you name it as seen on TV?
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: Yes, I know you've worked in TV, so I thought
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: that would be very you might know it.
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: No, I can't name a third okay, And speaking of
• 48:14
  Speaker 3: canceling the okay, it's Monday, Monday, and then the second
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: track is twelve thirty young girls are coming to the Canyon.
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: So that's uh, I'm not I'm not co signing the
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: I didn't write it.
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: They've got a lot of hits, got I mean, I
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: guess this is does say hits.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well it's up from TV, so you know they're
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: they're not nobody's the mom is in the papas and
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: are you a fan?
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: No?
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: Where does that come from? I had a big box
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: of records, okay, and I thought I'm going to give
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: Bridge a record apparently, but I don't know why I
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: picked that one. I think because it looked a little
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: funny and it seems kind of familiar.
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, everybody's familiar with the Mama's Yeah, everyone's familiar
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: with Mama cass Elliott. Yes, she's got at least one
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: great hit. Yes sing what's it called? Uh? Yes, yourself
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: it's actually a great song. I can't remember Mama cass Elliott.
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: I'm looking, but you know she's also she became a punchline,
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: sing your own kind of music, singing. Okay, she became
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: a good lady, yes, because she It's just like Elvis
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: on the toilet, right, just somebody dies and then.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: Somebody dies and then you remember one can't eat, right
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: she died? Except like, okay, that's cool.
• 49:26
  Speaker 3: Did Elvis actually die on the toilet?
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna be honest, I believe there is
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: truth to that one.
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: But I'm and remained sitting on or did he fall off?
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: I think I think I hope remains sitting and midpoop
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: if my records are correct, and I do have a
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: lot of records that's shown in evidence right there.
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: I mean like, I feel like that feels like a
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: myth where he was on the bathroom floor. Yeah, well,
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: the toilet very really paints a picture.
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: I also would like to think that if you were
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: dying and you have had even a breath left, you
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: would have the wherewithal to be like, I'm gonna get
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: off the toilet, like I can simply will myself to
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: the grounds to end this because the nobody, you know
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: what I mean. It's like if you were if you
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: were dying while masturbating, I would think I could at least, yeah,
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: yank my pants up or put a blanket or something,
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: you know, to just make it so. They were like, yeah,
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: he was doing a bottomless nap. You know how he
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: did that? Winn theo he winny the pood to bed. Yeah.
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: I feel like Elvis must have been seated.
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: I think he was a big He's a big guy
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: on a lot of pills, a lot of drugs.
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: Do we know was he at home or was he
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: in Vegas?
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: Or where was he again? He's only going to say,
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: but first of all, I can get your eyes on
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: the toilet, no problem. You just let me know what
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: works for you.
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: And he's on the floor next to his toilet in
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: the bathroom of his Graceland mansion. Interesting speculation about the toys.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know if grace is the right title for
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: that place. I know that's a tough one, especially if
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: it's to But I still choose to believe he was pooping.
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, probably What else was he doing in the bathroom?
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: My daddy was doing his makeup. No, I'm sure he
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: wasn't flossing.
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: And they wasn't doing karate. Was not flossing, You don't
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: you don't get like that and go, hey, I know,
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: a gum disease is like a real serious problem. You
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: don't want to get into nevadas. Elvis, you're peeing your
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: pants because of pills. Oh no, but you got to
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: take care of your mouth. That'll shave two three years off.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: I'm reading at.
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: Least one person on Earth in the history of civilization
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: has died while flossing.
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: Maybe from if you wait long enough.
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of bleeding blood loss there.
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of blood like imagine bleeding out.
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: If you're on blood dinners. You gotta be careful. Yeah,
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: so I guess that's that far from I would love
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: for that to have slowly blood telling everyone we told
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: him just let it go.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: Use a water pic. You use a water pic. I've
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: got a bunch of picts.
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: But he's stuck to his gun. That would be he's.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: Stuck to his gun.
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: That funeral, the vibe, Oh, it's a tough one.
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it takes everybody at some point. I
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: don't think it does. Dad.
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: I looked into us.
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: We do open casket, open mouth, we really.
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: So who gave you this box of records?
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: Uh? It was acquired from my childhood, and my brother
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: had a very good record this kind of My brother
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: was twelve years older. Okay, so he had a lot
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: of good records. Right, But we're all now finding that
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: I'm holding onto these for some reason we know.
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: Not do you have a record player?
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: No, that's okay. That's where the issue relies. Yeah, that's
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: a big issue. Are you storing them in like the
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: basement or something in the in the garage?
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: Oh okay, so this is just a worthless thing for
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: you to own then?
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But it's a great gift.
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: So it's an excellent gift.
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: It's a lovely So I don't want it to take
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: away from the emotional resonance of what I've done here.
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: No, I'm just saying, in your own home, get a
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: record player.
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: Yes, but then you know what I mean.
• 53:10
  Speaker 3: Space space, But would you what are you doing with
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: the space?
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: Hey? That's tight and I'm not living large.
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: It's my problem is not the record player taking up space.
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: It's the records themselves, because I know if I were
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: to buy one, suddenly I'm buying these things are quite large.
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: Where am I putting them?
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: I sometimes on on the road, I'll end up whatever.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: Maybe some weird venue and they will have a green
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: room with a record player and records and I will
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: be like, this is awesome, right, and you will put
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: them on. I think as a having it in my home.
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: I see that as something that I like, and then
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: practically it's just happening.
• 53:50
  Speaker 3: It's not happening, right, So that makes it's.
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: Just my friend has My friend Burns has a record
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: player and records and he actually uses them, uses them,
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: values them. But but he's an idiot. He is a
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: huge idiot.
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: His life is a disaster.
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: Life is a he's a disaster, and were extremely when
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: he's a just bridger. He's an idiot. He is an
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: idiot man. So so I don't know what he's doing.
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: But okash, I'll come across a hotel room with a
• 54:17
  Speaker 3: record player. Oh no, I love that, but then I
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: don't even use it there.
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: But then they don't have a c and you're gone, guys,
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: could we just please the windows are busted out?
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: Please please? It's beautiful. I love it. I love that
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: there's a ski on the wall. Come to thinking of
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: this whole broken, to think of this as an invasion.
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: There's the screaming every time you break into a place like,
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: this is a beautiful hotel.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: They're gonna get a nice review. This is a very
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: nice place.
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell my friends about. Can I get a
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: late check out? The phone's ripped out of the wall,
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: and maybe it wanted be great?
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: Oh thank you.
• 54:54
  Speaker 3: The clumsy burglar strikes again.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: They catch it. He thought it was a hollow. He
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: keeps thinking that these are just little B and b's.
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: This man needs a vacation.
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, oh well, this is an exciting thing for me
• 55:07
  Speaker 3: to own, despite not having a record player.
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: Now what are you doing with all the gifts from
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: this podcast? Bridge?
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: It's a really good question.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: There, They go on.
• 55:13
  Speaker 3: Occasionally I get one that's practical that I can kind of,
• 55:16
  Speaker 3: you know, integrate into my life. Changes things. Maybe one
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: percent better, Okay, I woulday less than one percent. That's
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: a big percentage for.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: Life good is actually about it?
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: One out of one hundred.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: It's a lot.
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: But I'll use them other things like behind you Those
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: are some gifts we've received over the years.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: Okay, that are more decor and.
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: Not really they have really no practice. I think that
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: is a great Yeah, absolutely, that is a great king
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: as long as it fits under one of those that
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: it's going to be like that you're carving out a
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: way to not put it up there. I'll be honest,
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: but I think it'll look great up there. I actually
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: think it's going to probably go behind that toilet plunger gun.
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, which is a great That's an excellent gift. What
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: is the best gift? And I understand I'm in the running.
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: I don't need the the I don't need the gold.
• 56:04
  Speaker 3: You're you're saying, what's number two? What is the second
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: best gift? That's a very good question. I should put
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: some more thought into this because I can never I
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: always panic. I'm like the first one that I got
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: that was like, wow, this is just a nice gift
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: that I would get like a wedding. Is cola skull
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: against me? Like a like a nice waffle iron?
• 56:23
  Speaker 2: Oh that's great and you use that? Well?
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: I don't. But it's like if I ever want to
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: make waffles, because I would never buy myself a waffle Yeah.
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: I had a very old waffle iron that I would
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: used to reheat pizza.
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: As a When when was this wauches through that time?
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: This was well within my adult life, Okay, And I
• 56:40
  Speaker 3: actually recommend it.
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: Eight. Walk me through that.
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: You flipped the fold the pizza like cold pizza in
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: the Okay, all right, you fold it in half, put
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: it in the waffle iron. It turns it into an
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: incredible sand Okay, all right, the best way to reheat.
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: I really want to aid it on you. Yeah, I
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: really like that.
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: It seemed it seems so wild to me.
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: I had to try it.
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: Yes, but now I have two waff lions, one for pizza,
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: one for waffles. Should I ever want to impress.
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: It is now your current state. You have two waffle makers,
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: one for pizzaaff Lion rich, you are the Elon Musk
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: of waffle ankle deep you are really showing off. Yeah,
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: some people don't have one, just so that was me,
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: to be honest, that's me. I've lived that life. Well,
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: I know how the others we get things are good.
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: Good Lord.
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: The other one that's truly changed my life is, uh,
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: the comedy writer John Milson gave me a car garbage camp.
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, as driving as much as I do, probably
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: have an absolute must.
• 57:41
  Speaker 3: I can't believe I lived such a huge period of
• 57:43
  Speaker 3: my life without one.
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: It is awesome.
• 57:45
  Speaker 3: There were receipts I was living in a sea of
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: receipts and straw bress.
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean if we're not gonna literally it's it's crazy,
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: especially here.
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: You drive so much that you have to be expected,
• 57:56
  Speaker 3: got to be able to put the stuff in a
• 57:57
  Speaker 3: garbage and you.
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: Getting home is different then you you know, you get
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: home whatever?
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: I live. My car is Squalor and I have a
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: garbageh squaler still with the Yeah, so you're not even
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: using the garbage case.
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: I use it until it's overflowing.
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: Correct.
• 58:13
  Speaker 3: Raccoons are going through it.
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: They live with me. Things are bad, but that's great, Okay,
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: all right, Well I like to be in the running.
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: I like that. And your legacy to me after this
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: will be the two off lions that will be your legacy. Yeah.
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: I've basically gotten at least gifts that are nice decorations.
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: I give away gifts at live shows.
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: Oh that's great. That's a slow release of them. I
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: have a I don't know. I hope I wouldn't be
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: this person will not be at SIP. But I know
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: a comedian named Rob Gleeson who has a story and
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: it's in he know. He tells the story and stand up.
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: But he was in the lobby at the breakfast station
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: in a hotel and he saw a guy take the
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: you know sometimes you can make like pancakes offline. He
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: took the batter and poured it in the toaster and
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: then turn the toaster down, and he sort of just
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: stood there watching the guy ruin a toaster. Somebody had
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: to try it. The logic's almost there. You're sniffing around something.
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: But boil boy. Oh god, that's incredible.
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna do that.
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: No, Britt, that's nothing. What that's Elvis? Shit, don't do that.
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: What are you talking about? He died pouring waffle batter
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: into a toaster electric cuted. He Oh, that would have
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: been good.
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: Uh okay, I think we should play a game. Okay, great,
• 59:38
  Speaker 3: We're gonna play a game called Gift to a Curse.
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: But I need a number between one and ten from you.
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: Six.
• 59:43
  Speaker 3: Okay. I have to do some light calculating to get
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: our game pieces. So right now, you can promote, recommend,
• 59:47
  Speaker 3: do whatever you want.
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: I don't love how you're sort of making it like
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: a little menial task that nobody will enjoy. Okay. Gareth
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: rynolds dot com for shows, I'm on the road a lot.
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: I will be actually doing show. I was in California
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: when this comes out, but I'm always on the road. Also,
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: I have my podcast The Doll Up, which will be
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: on tour in March, so you can go to lluppodcast
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: dot com for that. I also have a show called
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: Next We Have, which is like a segmented show. Like
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: I said, Bridger was on that. And then I have
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: another one called We're Here to Help with Jake Johnson,
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: which is a call in advice show. I do a
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: ton of stuff on YouTube, so you can go to
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: Gareth Reynolds TV on YouTube and watch that. Also, I'll
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: have a talk show coming out that is a completely
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: separate thing by the time this is airing, so you know,
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: there you go. That's a bunch of stupid shit.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 3: Gareth, don't be shy. I named the other fifteen podcast.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: Okay. So also I do one called Gifts Are Necessary.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: It's basically a waffle iron accumulation show. I like to
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: look at it like that.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: No, everybody go find Gareth online. Is wonderful at Reynolds
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 3: Gareth on social media.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: Sorry Bridget Oh.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, of course, I apologie. This is how
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 3: we play gift ruckers. Okay, I'm going to name three things.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: Okay'll tell me if they're a gift or a curse
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 3: and why. Okay, then I'll tell you if you're right
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: or wrong, because there are correct answers and you can
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: lose the game.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: It feels like it's more of a taste thing. But okay, it.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 3: Feels like you're just kind of getting ahead of the
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 3: story here. It feels like you're kind of doing the
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 3: same thing a little bit. To be honest with you,
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: it feels like that's when the started.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: But go ahead, Valentine, all right.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 3: This first one is thank you, I love you too.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: This is from a listener named John. Gift or a curse.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 3: When an item doesn't scan it check out and the
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 3: customer says it must be free, then.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: That's absolutely a gift. That is that is a society's
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: way of saying, this is our small way of getting
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: back at the rich. You are allowed to take this wrong.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: What this is a curse?
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: This is this is the person trying listen. Every service
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 3: person on earth has heard every little joke that a
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 3: customer has said thousands of times. They are now they
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 3: are a captive audience behind the little desk or whatever
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 3: they're checking. They have heard the joke it must be
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 3: free then, over and over and over, and they still
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 3: have to laugh at it.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 2: How about the electronic checkout.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: Now that I say that for every item at the
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 3: electronic checkout, this must be free, then this must be.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: I think we're all saying the same thing. Just just
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: go crazy at the self checkout. Yes, okay, all right,
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: well I'm wrong, but I do think of it. I
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: think very quickly. I one time went to a thrift
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: store when I was a kid with my friend and
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: we saw Ventriloquist dummy and it had a price tag
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: that was handwritten and it was one hundred dollars and
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: we were like, oh, that's too much. And my friend goes,
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: that's handwritten, and the woman was like yeah, and he goes,
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: couldn't you just give it to us for a dollar?
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: And she goes, okay, she just gave it for a dollar.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 3: Certainly she wasn't the store owner.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: No, she was like our age. This was in high school,
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: and she was like, I hate the store owner.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 3: No. We used to do that at thrift store in Utah,
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: where that you would peel the price tag off and
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 3: put it on other objects and interesting like theft.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: It does sound like that. What a confession.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 3: I encourage people to shoplift if they're safe. I agree
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: if it's from a company with a large sack of money,
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 3: as long as you know you're going to get away
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 3: with it.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: And yeah, and and be very aware of what each
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: thing costs.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: Wait, why, well, because steal the expensive ship, you don't.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: Don't steal the salary, steal the blueberries. All right, So
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: you've gotten one wrong so far, and everybody hates that.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: We do need to keep bringing that up.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 3: Okay, anyway, okay, this is from a listener named Olivia
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 3: Gift or a curse commercials for books, curse.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: Why. Look, I'm not happy about it. That air is over.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: We're done books. We've we've moved on. We're listening to
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: them and saying that we're reading them. That's the whole thing. Now, wrong,
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: what this is personal?
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 3: This feels this may be personal for you. That's something
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 3: you gotta work. First of all, Valentine, I want to
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 3: come to this restaurant in the first place.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, he's doing that again. You had to
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: coupon what? Excuse me?
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: Maybe we just should go to your house and just
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: eat a bunch of waffles and pizza.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: I begged you to do that. Oh Lord, I just
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: I can't with you. I still love you, but this
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: is tough.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 3: I've got news for you.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 3: Who commercials for books incredible feeling a whole new genre
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 3: as far as I'm concerned. In the middle of a
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 3: TV show, suddenly someone's advertising a book to you. Also,
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 3: I think this is probably the most reading most Americans
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 3: will do in the course of a year. Is here
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 3: a commercial for a book and then they'll say they
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 3: were reading. Literacy is so important. These commercials for books
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 3: are not.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: Saying I'm happy about it. I'm saying I'm being I'm
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: having an honest conversation with myself about it.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 3: That doesn't make you right.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's your show. I like to invite you back
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 2: to next we have because I have some stuff. I
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: want to be a gun. That's the segment. Apologize for you.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 3: Okay, so you've gotten zero so far. Lord, let's hope
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 3: you turn it around. This is from a listener, so
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: hope you're more fair.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: Melinda.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 3: Melinda has submitted gift or a curse the in memoriam
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 3: at the Oscars.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 2: Gift. I'm gonna say gift, and I'm gonna say gift
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: because sometimes it actually does elicit some you know, you go,
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: oh wow, I could argue both.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 3: Impossible.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: Well, you can't get both. It's interesting that I'm saying that.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: So I think either way where you land, it's not
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: gonna be bad for me. I think we're But also
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 2: if you're left off, it's it's a curse. But again,
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: I will say gift. I like that moment. It's a
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: nostalgic moment. But it is weird sometimes when you're the
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: people who are getting, you know, like curtain call, when
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: the guy who stole the show or the person who
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: stole the show comes out and they get the lout.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: It's weird. When you know some editor it's like, oh
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: my lord, Jack Pallets, Jackie Pallets, he's in every one
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: of them.
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 3: They they've got to do something about putting Jack balance
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 3: in the in memorial every year.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: It's too much. We know he's dead. Stop opening that wound.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: That that God, if I would give anything for that
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: to be a thing they did every year, like the
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: Jimmy Kimmel Like we ran out of time. Sorry, Matt
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 2: Damon but every year they jack pallets him the memorial.
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: But you're ultimately saying gift shift. Correct, you've got one.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: I love the memorial. I love to see all the people.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 3: I also love when somebody gets left out because it
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 3: creates some sort of controversy. Then the person gets even
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 3: more attention.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 3: We get to and we get to the clappa meter. Yeah,
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 3: I love to hear the clap.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: I know who are we? Sadist died through applause? Yes,
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 2: I I think so. It'll be like the costume designer.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 2: I didn't know where Jackie Palace.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 3: And it's a nice reminder to everyone in the audience.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 3: Look what's coming. You got through award, look at your
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 3: Look what's coming for now that I'm gonna personalize it.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 2: It's sad that I won't have it.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 3: Oh interesting, Why won't you have it? My boods, I'm
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 3: not successful and I'm not what don't make me start
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 3: the campaign now? It's not an Oscars campaign. I just
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 3: I just want to be a jacent.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 2: Playing ball for that like, Oh no, I just would
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: love to when I go materials. Please you guys get
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: my evite about being on the in memoriam.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 3: Consider Gareth Renold, Well, I'm glad I went one for
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 3: three that for you.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fine.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 3: You didn't give up.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not a very I don't do very well
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: at anything like this. So it's thirty three is fine.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this kind of proves if you stick it out,
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 3: you can still be a loser.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't know if that's the bottom line I
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: would go with, to be quite honest, but you know whatever.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 3: Put that on a poster. I think we should answer
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 3: a listener question, will you help me?
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: Yes? All right, I hope that I do it right.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 3: People are writing into I said no gifts at gmail
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 3: dot com, begging for answers. So we'll see what we
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 3: can do for somebody.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: Let's see here.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 3: Okay, this is oh okay. Our wealthy cousin often returns
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 3: our gifts to us, actually mails them back to us.
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 3: She worries that our funds have been wasted. So it's
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 3: a kindness of sorts. We, however, wear and display her gifts,
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 3: whether we like them or not. Also a kindness, but
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 3: also an unnecessary burden. Who is correct in this or
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 3: which party is crazier? And that's from they didn't give
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 3: their name. Grateful and conflicted on the frozen tundra.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: This is all. Oh, it's very dark. Yes, that is
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: very Yes, this is.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 3: Fascinating to me. This person obviously they've got this wealthy
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 3: you know person, this is very gilded age.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 2: Yes, they've written to us as a Rockefeller.
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 3: Yes, the wealthy cousin is obviously knows they're in deep trouble.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 3: I always side with the wealthy, very very clear, very clear. Uh,
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 3: no wealthy person can make a mistake, right, And this
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 3: wealthy person, as they all are, has a big heart
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 3: and they are sending it back. And meanwhile, this person
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 3: who's in their weird little cabin, you know, shaking freeze
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 3: or such a bad bad luck Max, you're bumming everyone out.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 3: They use their what you know, they're probably they're one
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 3: dollar to go to the internet cafe to email mess
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 3: so pathetic. I feel like I'm on the side of
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 3: the rich person and this poor person. Maybe they could
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 3: ask for a staff position at the manor.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: If it's a problem, a bell ringer or maybe dish cleaner.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 3: Right, if you care so much about this family relationship, yes,
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 3: you know, go scrub the floors, mow the lawn manually.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 3: I don't want to see you on a writing lawnmower world.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: Lord, No, no, no, no, that's the calorie.
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 3: Yes, I think. I think it's a pathetic and sad thing.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 3: And I can't believe they even wrote in to be honest,
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 3: I uh, I don't know who's.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: Right in this one. I'll tell you whose play I
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 2: like better is the one who's mailing it back. You
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: like that? I do because I think it's a great
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 2: way of saying without saying I don't care for what
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 2: you got me. I think to always blame it on
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 2: price is phenomenal. And I think if you listen to
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: the two options, the one who always has to display it,
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 2: that's annoying as shit.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 3: Why aren't they sending theirs back to them? That's a
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 3: nice tit for tat.
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 2: And I think what Bridger has just stumbled upon is
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: your solution. You now engage in the I also mail
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: it back to you and say it's too expensive warfare.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 2: That is exactly they've declared war on you and your gifts.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 2: It's time to fight back again. I'm the guy who
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: brought the Smarties and the mom is in the Poppas record.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: I know gift culture and.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 3: By the way, this person has accumulated who knows how
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 3: many gifts over the years. Put them all on a
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 3: huge moving truck.
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 2: Couldn't this year. It's a big box of returns and
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: you're just gonna write on it. You really shouldn't have
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: dump that on their lawn. Not that on the away. Yeah,
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 2: and maybe what you do is next year, test them,
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 2: get them something that is not expensive. Okay, oh interest,
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: leave the price tag on it and see if it
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: still comes back to you when it's nine to ninety nine.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 2: The right bag of dots. Give them a bag of dot.
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 3: Dots feels like something the smartiest family's making. I wonder
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 3: if they're agree they're in cahoots.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: At the very least you must, I will say you
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: should try some dots. I should have brought you dies.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 3: I don't mind a dot textually, wait, no, no, no,
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 3: preth Oh my god, I'm forgetting Lord Bridge dots.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 2: You like dots. I don't like dots. I want to
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: be very clear, I don't. I would never really eat
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: them and reach for a dots Yeah, same, nobody would.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: But if they've spilled out somewhere, just it's like nobody can.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: You don't care. There's only one item that can get
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 2: dots off your teeth, and that's your index finger. Absolutely,
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 2: there's that's not a toothpick or a toothbrush. Job. There's
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 2: no water pick that will do that. No, it's it's there.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 2: It is just some it is. Yes, it is caked
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: and living.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 3: Put a thimble on your finger and start digging.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you need a seller's kid. I think that that's the.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 3: Perfect solution for this person. I mean, I doubt they'll
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 3: hear it. They don't have access to the internet. They
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 3: wasted their money at the local internet cafe.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but we hope that maybe some yeah, maybe a
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 2: bear or a dog can you know, send them, get
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: a message to them somehow, or attacks.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 3: Then they end up in the hospital at one of
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 3: the nurses listening to the show.
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a good test for your reach too. Yeah,
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 2: that's good. I think that's great.
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 3: We answered the question perfectly.
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree.
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 3: I've got you know for days.
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 2: These smarties are going so many smarties to get through it.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 3: I mean these are lot speaking of emergency preparedness, actually
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 3: best by AUGUSTA of twenty seven. Yeah, it feels like
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 3: we should last like fifty years.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: Well, I think there are some things where I think
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 2: they put expiration dates on them because you have to.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 3: It's all kind of a scam.
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, like cough drops, What are they gonna not be
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 2: a little candy milk? You cough drops done? The paper
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: sticks to it. Oh, that's that's nature's way of saying
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: this is done. We don't need the expiration.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 3: And this is a best spie doesn't say expiration.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: Best spie is a very that's that's very loyally right. Right,
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: So you've got years on that.
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 3: These probably are.
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: You're gonna have twelve bottles of water, a bag of Smarties.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 2: You and I are going to be living in your parents' basement,
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 2: a couple of Valentines trying to make it through the apocalypse.
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 3: This is a very Valentine's codd candy. Interesting is actually interesting.
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 2: I knew, well, thank you for being here, Bridger, an
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: absolute pleasure, have such a good time with you.
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 3: I likewise listener the podcast. We're slowing down, we're all
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 3: slowing down. We're looking for an escape. You've been begging
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 3: for an escape for the last little while. I'm gonna
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 3: let you go. I love you, goodbye. I said no
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 3: gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer is
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 3: Ellis Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Holliday.
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 3: The theme song is by Miracle Worker Amy Mann, and
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 3: we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cottner. You
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 3: must follow the show on Instagram. At I said, no gifts,
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 3: that's where you're going to see pictures of all these
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 3: wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 3: the gifts.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 2: Line? Why did you hear? Fun a man?
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 1: Myself perfectly clear? But you're I guessed, tomm gotta come
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: to me empty? And I said, no, guests, your own
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 1: presence is presents enough. I already had too much stuff,
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 1: So how do you dare to surbey me