Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Coach Underperformers Without Rescuing Them
Transcript
- Lucas: You've been a manager for four weeks. Your team is solid, but there's one person — let's call her Priya — who was a star individual contributor before you got promoted. And now she's late on three deliverables, her last deck had typos, and you find yourself rewriting her emails before they go to the VP. Luna: I've been that new manager. It's so tempting to just fix it yourself and move on. But you're not helping anyone. Lucas: Exactly. Today we're talking about one of the hardest transitions from peer to manager: coaching an underperformer without falling into what I call the 'rescuer trap.' This is episode 114, and we're going to get really specific about the first conversation you need to have. Luna: Before we dive in — we keep this podcast ad-free because we think career advice should be based on what's useful, not what sells. If you've gotten value from these episodes, you can support the show at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's how we keep the lights on without interrupting the conversation. Lucas: And we really appreciate it. So back to Priya. The first instinct for most new managers is to pull her aside and say, 'Hey, you seem off, what's going on?' That sounds supportive, but it actually sets you up as the rescuer. Luna: Right, because now you're making it about her emotional state, not her output. And if she says 'I'm fine,' you've got nowhere to go. Lucas: Exactly. The rescuer frame puts you in the role of diagnosing her problem and solving it for her. Instead, you want to be a coach. A coach names the specific gap and asks the person to own it. The difference is subtle but powerful. Luna: So what does that first conversation actually sound like? Lucas: Let me give you a concrete script. You schedule a 30-minute one-on-one — not in the hallway, not over Slack. You say: 'I want to talk about the Q3 forecast deck. There were three data errors in the revenue section, and the formatting didn't match our template. I need that to be accurate and on-brand. What happened there?' Luna: That's direct. And it names the behavior — not her character. Lucas: That's the SBI model: Situation, Behavior, Impact. The situation is the Q3 forecast deck. The behavior is three data errors and formatting issues. The impact is that it doesn't meet our standard and I can't send it to the VP as is. Then you stop and let her respond. Luna: And what if she says 'I've been really busy with the new CRM rollout'? Lucas: That's fair — she might be overloaded. But notice, as a coach you don't jump in to reallocate her work. You say: 'I hear that. Let's figure out together what needs to change so the core deliverables stay strong. What's your best idea for making sure the next deck is error-free?' Luna: So you're putting the problem-solving back on her. But does that work if she's genuinely overwhelmed? Lucas: It does, because you're not saying 'figure it out alone.' You're saying 'bring me your proposal.' If she says 'I need to drop the CRM project,' then you can negotiate. But if you immediately offer to take something off her plate, you've become the rescuer. She hasn't practiced advocating for her own capacity. Luna: That makes sense. But what about the new manager who's afraid that setting this bar will make her team hate her? Especially if they were friends before. Lucas: That's the number one fear I hear. And here's the truth: avoiding the conversation is actually less kind. Because if Priya continues to underperform, eventually the VP notices, and now her reputation is damaged and your credibility is shot. A clean early conversation is the most respectful thing you can do. Luna: I've heard that called 'radical candor' — care personally while challenging directly. Lucas: Exactly. Kim Scott's framework. And the key is that you're not attacking her. You're holding her to a standard you both used to share. You can even say: 'I know you used to catch these things in your sleep. I want to help you get back to that level. What do you think is getting in the way?' Luna: That acknowledges her past strength. It's not 'you're bad,' it's 'you're better than this.' Lucas: Right. Now, let's say you have that conversation and the next week's deliverable is still sloppy. What then? Luna: You have the same conversation again? Lucas: Not exactly the same. You escalate the stakes slightly. You say: 'Last week we talked about the deck errors, and this week the client email had two typos. I'm concerned this is becoming a pattern. Can you walk me through your process for reviewing before you send?' Luna: So you're still coaching, but you're naming the pattern. Lucas: Yes. And you're asking her to explain her process. If she says 'I just don't have time to proofread,' then you can suggest a specific fix: 'What if you use a tool like Grammarly, or ask a teammate to glance at it before it goes out?' But notice — you're not doing the proofreading. You're giving her a tool. Luna: That's a good distinction. A rescuer would say 'send it to me first and I'll check it.' A coach says 'here's a system you can use.' Lucas: Exactly. And after three conversations like this — with clear examples, specific asks, and a reasonable time to improve — if there's still no change, you need to escalate. That means documenting the conversations and going to HR. Luna: A lot of new managers are terrified of HR. They think HR is there to fire people. Lucas: HR is there to protect the company from legal risk. But if you've done your job as a coach — clear feedback, documented efforts, offered support — then a performance improvement plan is a natural next step. And it can actually save the person's job, because it forces clarity. Luna: Can you give an example of what documentation looks like without being adversarial? Lucas: Sure. After each coaching conversation, send a brief follow-up email. 'Thanks for chatting today. Just to recap: we agreed that future client emails will be reviewed by a peer before sending. Let me know if you need any support with that.' That's not punitive — it's a paper trail that shows you were trying to help. Luna: And if she doesn't follow through, you have a record. Lucas: Right. And when you go to HR, you say: 'I've had three conversations about quality issues, here are the emails, and here's the support I offered. The pattern hasn't changed. I need guidance on next steps.' That's a much stronger position than 'Priya is bad at her job.' Luna: I want to go back to something you said earlier — about how avoiding the conversation is unkind. I think that's really important for new managers to hear. Lucas: Yeah. I had a mentor who told me: 'If you don't give someone honest feedback, you're stealing their chance to improve.' And if they don't improve, you're also stealing their chance to find a role that's a better fit. That's not kind. Luna: So the coaching mindset is actually an act of respect. Lucas: Exactly. Let's talk about one more trap: the fixed mindset label. A new manager might think 'Priya just isn't cut out for this role anymore.' But the data might say she's overwhelmed, not incapable. Luna: How do you tell the difference? Lucas: You don't assume. You test it. Give her a clear expectation and a short timeline — say two weeks — and see if she rises to it. If she does, great, you've coached her through a rough patch. If she doesn't, then you know it's a capability or fit issue, and you can address that honestly. Luna: But two weeks feels short. Lucas: It is. But you're not making a final decision in two weeks. You're just gathering data. After two weeks, if she's improved, you extend the coaching. If not, you escalate. The key is to keep the feedback loop tight. A 30-day gap between conversations is too long — the pattern becomes entrenched. Luna: So weekly check-ins on the specific behavior until it's fixed. Lucas: Exactly. And one more tip: at the start of each check-in, ask her to self-assess. 'How do you think the last week went on quality?' If she says 'pretty good' and you disagree, that's a signal she doesn't see the gap yet. You need to be clearer. Luna: Self-assessment also gives her a sense of ownership. Lucas: Right. So to sum up: rescue is fast but hollow. Coaching takes more emotional energy upfront, but it builds a stronger team. And if you have to let someone go, you'll know you gave them every chance to succeed. Luna: That's a good note to end on. For anyone listening who's in that first month as a manager, you've got this. Lucas: Thanks for listening. We'll be back next week with another conversation.