Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 2 | The Hero of Haddonfield

Transcript

2 | The Hero of Haddonfield · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: My neighbor's dog just fucking started going off again.
• 0:03
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 0:05
  Matt: My upstairs neighbor in general is is awful, but the Do they listen to this podcast?
• 0:12
  Matt: I hope so now.
• 0:13
  Matt: They so she just like stomps.
• 0:15
  Matt: I don't know.
• 0:16
  Matt: She's not even that big of a person, but I can hear every goddamn step that she takes.
• 0:23
  Matt: Every like uh from I mean from the car to the to her door.
• 0:29
  Matt: I can tell you when she parks, I can tell you when it's her on the stairs.
• 0:33
  Matt: Oh, that's that's my nightmare.
• 0:35
  Matt: She she stomps all the way up the stairs, she stomps all the way into that house, and then she doesn't sleep.
• 0:42
  Matt: She like like she has some sort of like government federal agent position because her car is like a uh undercover cop car.
• 0:50
  Eric: Does it have like the tinted windows and shit?
• 0:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:53
  Matt: And it's and it's got like a US government like license plate.
• 0:56
  Matt: But what she does is beyond me because she gets she is up at like 4 a.m.
• 1:01
  Matt: She's up at 2 a.m.
• 1:02
  Matt: and she's up now, she's up at noon.
• 1:03
  Matt: It's like she never sleeps.
• 1:05
  Matt: And this dog, when she is gone, is it's a yappy dog, and it just goes on and on and on for like like separation anxiety, but for like two and a half hours.
• 1:18
  Matt: Yuck.
• 1:23
  Eric: Yuck indeed, Eric.
• 1:25
  Eric: I hate it.
• 1:26
  Eric: I hate it.
• 1:26
  Matt: Uh, don't even get me started on my across the hall neighbors.
• 1:41
  Matt: No, no, like are they bad?
• 1:43
  Matt: They are they are bad.
• 1:45
  Eric: Are they?
• 1:45
  Eric: Uh are they bad people?
• 1:48
  Matt: No, I don't know them personally.
• 1:49
  Eric: This show's gonna become your manifesto of how much you hate your neighbor.
• 1:54
  Matt: I'll just start going off about a different neighbor in the cold open.
• 2:01
  Eric: That I would listen to shit about that.
• 2:03
  Eric: I would listen to a podcast where it's just some guy just yelling into a microphone.
• 2:09
  Eric: House by house, apartment by apartment.
• 2:12
  Eric: Just laying it out on the fucking line.
• 2:16
  Eric: Yeah.
• 2:17
  Eric: Oh, should we?
• 2:22
  unknown: Ding.
• 2:28
  Eric: You feel that?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_03: Dingly! It's a spooky season, Matt!
• 2:33
  Matt: It is spooky season.
• 2:35
  Eric: Time of ghosts and goblins.
• 2:38
  Matt: Ghosts and goblins.
• 2:40
  Matt: By the time this episode comes out, it's gonna be like a week away.
• 2:44
  Matt: Uh so yeah.
• 2:46
  Matt: Um, oh, by the way, this is uh you didn't ask for this.
• 2:50
  Matt: Yes, uh, I'm Matt Shang.
• 2:51
  Eric: I am Eric Poach.
• 2:53
  Matt: Welcome to the show.
• 2:54
  Matt: Episode two, Eric.
• 2:56
  Matt: Successful pilots, I'd say.
• 2:58
  Eric: Oh, man, we knocked it out of the park.
• 3:00
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, quite frankly, just go like bring the blue check mark to us.
• 3:06
  Matt: Yes.
• 3:06
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 3:07
  Eric: Couching it in the context of very first episode of podcast ever.
• 3:12
  Eric: Like, like five years from now, people are like, oh, you gotta listen to this podcast.
• 3:18
  Eric: And but like when they inevitably give that qualifier, they're like, oh, you can skip like the first 80 or so episodes.
• 3:23
  Eric: Um but they will mention they're like, but if you go back and listen to it, like in the context of this being a first, you know, episode of a podcast, uh, I think we kicked the shit out of literally every podcast on the planet.
• 3:38
  Matt: Yeah, I was just gonna say it was a good episode.
• 3:40
  Eric: Yeah, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna start shit with all the other podcasts.
• 3:44
  Matt: You could you you had to qualify it.
• 3:46
  Matt: Yeah, I had to make it.
• 3:48
  Eric: I had to turn it into a thing.
• 3:51
  Eric: Like they had they now have to address giving us exposure.
• 3:56
  Matt: Interesting.
• 3:58
  Matt: Um I will say it wasn't without controversy.
• 4:02
  Matt: Oh, yeah, goodness no.
• 4:03
  Eric: We ruffled, we ruffled some feathers.
• 4:06
  Matt: Yeah, and you know, I would have thought of all the things that we talked about in this episode, from your implication that Ash Kesham's stepfather was a Mr.
• 4:15
  Matt: Mime.
• 4:16
  Matt: Correct.
• 4:17
  Matt: Um, and various elements of sexual encounters with Pokemon.
• 4:23
  Eric: Correct.
• 4:25
  Matt: The thing that seemed to grind everyone's gears the most was uh our conversation about bread bowls.
• 4:32
  Matt: Specifically Specifically me.
• 4:35
  Eric: Specifically you, you brought this up, but I I I I had your fucking back.
• 4:39
  Matt: Yes, you did, as you always do, and I love you for it.
• 4:41
  Eric: I love you.
• 4:42
  Eric: Um, because it's fucking true.
• 4:44
  Eric: You do not put fucking chicken noodle soup in a bread bowl.
• 4:47
  Eric: You do not put brothy soup in a bread bowl.
• 4:50
  Eric: Yeah.
• 4:50
  Eric: You don't put noodles in a bread bowl.
• 4:53
  Eric: I thought about that.
• 4:54
  Eric: Like the kind of like you're adding you're adding stuff like starches in your starches.
• 5:00
  Eric: That's that's degenerate.
• 5:02
  Matt: Now, for everybody's context, I want to add that the uh I want to add that the the comments we received were about not including broccoli cheddar as an appropriate uh or as Megan on Twitter put it, the objectively correct flavor.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_09: Flavor?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_09: Flavor is it.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_09: It's not a flavor.
• 5:30
  Matt: It's not a Gatorade.
• 5:32
  Eric: It's it's would you drink broccoli cheddar Gatorade?
• 5:38
  Matt: I would try a tomato soup Gatorade.
• 5:41
  Eric: I would too.
• 5:43
  Matt: Because that's just a V8 at that point.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_06: Um Coulda had a V8.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_06: Instead, you had a tomato soup Gatorade.
• 5:53
  Eric: And Megan, and Megan, I know, like she got she got at me.
• 5:57
  Eric: Well, got at us, but like I took it personally.
• 5:59
  Eric: But like, girl, you know, you know I'm gonna put that broccoli cheddar in a bread bowl.
• 6:04
  Eric: You know that's an option.
• 6:05
  Matt: It is an option, but it's an option.
• 6:08
  Matt: It's an option.
• 6:09
  Matt: I will say it didn't come to mind for me because I personally don't care for a broccoli cheddar very much, but that's only because I don't like broccoli.
• 6:18
  Matt: Yeah, so stop trying to force this broccoli cheddar down my throat.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, don't at me, Megan.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_07: I've got enough problems.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, Megan.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_07: I've got enough gastrointestinal problems.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_07: Fucking Megan.
• 6:31
  Matt: But the the we did also receive a comment that that chicken noodle soup belongs in a bread bowl, to which I would say, objectively, you're wrong.
• 6:39
  Eric: That is objectively false.
• 6:41
  Matt: Thank you for the feedback.
• 6:42
  Matt: Thank you for listening to the show.
• 6:44
  Matt: Please continue.
• 6:46
  Matt: I'll die on that fucking hill.
• 6:48
  Matt: But you are definitely wrong about that.
• 6:50
  Eric: And that's okay.
• 6:52
  Eric: That's the beauty of this country we live in.
• 6:54
  Eric: You are free to be just as wrong about things as you want to be, as you choose to be.
• 7:00
  Matt: What a lovely note shortly before election day.
• 7:05
  Matt: Um but you know, that being said, um otherwise, I think uh Rousing success.
• 7:13
  Matt: Rousing hundred percent couldn't have gone better.
• 7:18
  Matt: Um since you did mention Megan, we do have a question from her if we want to get into our quick hits for the day.
• 7:27
  Eric: And I'm glad you called it that.
• 7:29
  Eric: Um we need suggestions for what to call this segment.
• 7:33
  Eric: Yes.
• 7:34
  Eric: Uh, and probably all segments.
• 7:36
  Eric: Yes, no, don't limit, yeah, don't limit yourself.
• 7:39
  Eric: Anything.
• 7:40
  Eric: How to run the show.
• 7:41
  Matt: Please, it takes a village.
• 7:42
  Matt: It truly does.
• 7:44
  Matt: Um, and you know, so these are questions we're not gonna spend you know hours on the way we would Pokemon and other big big hitting topics like today's.
• 7:55
  Matt: So anyway, even though Megan did um get on us about our Broccoli Cheddar at us mishap, I do uh want to say that we do have a good question for her today for today's uh to lead us into today's quick hits.
• 8:12
  Matt: But first, um I think we need to address the title of this segment.
• 8:19
  Eric: Deconstruct our own podcast while we're in the podcast.
• 8:22
  Matt: Yes, as all great podcasters do.
• 8:26
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, really just tear the shit down.
• 8:28
  Matt: Um I think quick hits is a shitty name for a segment.
• 8:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 8:33
  Eric: Yeah.
• 8:34
  Eric: It's just like these are just these are our questions.
• 8:37
  Eric: They're not, we're not gonna like, we're not gonna get into the weeds in these questions.
• 8:40
  Eric: We're gonna get we're gonna get in the tall grass, but we're not gonna get in the weeds.
• 8:44
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, we're not gonna spend the bulk of the episode doing that.
• 8:46
  Matt: No, no.
• 8:47
  Matt: Um, but the but they are important questions and they did come to us uh and they do need answers.
• 8:53
  Matt: And they matter to someone.
• 8:54
  Eric: Yeah.
• 8:55
  Matt: Uh yeah, so we are gonna we are going to address questions like this uh at the beginning of every episode.
• 9:01
  Matt: Please submit yours to us.
• 9:03
  Matt: You can do so at you didn't ask for this gmail.com or you didn't ask pod.
• 9:09
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram and Twitter.
• 9:13
  Matt: You can do both those things.
• 9:15
  Matt: Um back at it again with the marketing.
• 9:17
  Matt: Like just hitting it hard and harder.
• 9:20
  Matt: But yes, please do because it uh quite literally is the design of the podcast that you do that.
• 9:26
  Matt: So so do it already.
• 9:28
  Matt: Please.
• 9:29
  Matt: Um sorry, I shouldn't yell at our six fans.
• 9:32
  Matt: No, yell at them.
• 9:33
  Matt: So oh okay.
• 9:34
  Matt: Yell at them.
• 9:35
  Matt: I like it.
• 9:36
  Matt: Oh, do you think they like it?
• 9:38
  Matt: Is that the kind of podcast that we're getting at?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: What they like is immaterial.
• 9:44
  Matt: They think this is for them.
• 9:46
  Matt: You're absolutely right.
• 9:47
  Matt: Um, so so anyway, submit those, but also feel free to submit better titles and or ways to do our show.
• 9:58
  Eric: Always.
• 9:59
  Eric: Always, always, always.
• 10:01
  Matt: Yeah.
• 10:01
  Matt: Um uh I think it should be clear by now we don't know what we're doing.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no.
• 10:08
  Matt: Uh so quick hits! So if you do, give it to us.
• 10:13
  Matt: In the meantime, Eric, uh, are you providing the the um are you providing theme music for all segments now?
• 10:18
  Eric: Oh no, no, no.
• 10:19
  Eric: I've only got the one.
• 10:20
  Eric: We and we'll we'll get there.
• 10:22
  Matt: I just quick hits I keep I you keep trying to do it and I keep talking, and I'm so sorry.
• 10:28
  Matt: I know I love it.
• 10:28
  Matt: We've we've gotten into it.
• 10:30
  Matt: The question from Megan is if we switched bodies freaky Friday style, what shenanigans would you get into?
• 10:38
  Eric: I would immediately become obsessed with one thing.
• 10:42
  Eric: Now, for those for those okay, I wake up in your body.
• 10:46
  Eric: I am now Matt.
• 10:47
  Matt: Yeah, give uh if you could, Eric, could you give us the briefing on what it means to be in a freaky Friday type situation?
• 10:54
  Eric: I will, but I'm also gonna predicate this with if someone listening to our podcast doesn't know what the fuck a freaky Friday situation is, I hate them and I don't want them listening to our podcast.
• 11:03
  Matt: Agreed.
• 11:03
  Matt: Get the fuck out.
• 11:04
  Eric: Okay.
• 11:05
  Eric: Um, but no, Freaky Friday situation.
• 11:07
  Eric: We wake up and we have switch body.
• 11:08
  Eric: It is also apparently, it seems to be like a rule of the Freaky Friday.
• 11:12
  Eric: You have to go to sleep and then you wake up in someone else's body.
• 11:16
  Eric: It it's never seemed to be like a a sudden thing.
• 11:21
  Matt: Interesting.
• 11:22
  Eric: Why do you think that is?
• 11:24
  Eric: Fell magics.
• 11:25
  Eric: All right, we can leave it at that.
• 11:27
  Matt: That's not the question.
• 11:28
  Matt: The question is not how does Freaky Friday happen?
• 11:31
  Matt: So we don't need to get into those weeds or tall grass, as you put it.
• 11:35
  Eric: I wake up my consciousness, my soul, my my essence, my chakra in your body.
• 11:41
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 11:41
  Eric: And in vice versa.
• 11:43
  Eric: Vice versa.
• 11:44
  Matt: I have suddenly suddenly been transported into your tall frame.
• 11:49
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 11:49
  Eric: Oh god.
• 11:50
  Eric: You're gonna have a hell of a time.
• 11:51
  Eric: I think well, I think we both are.
• 11:53
  Matt: I assume I'll have altitude sickness.
• 11:55
  Eric: You know that feeling you get sometimes when you stand up too fast and you're dizzy?
• 12:00
  Matt: I do.
• 12:00
  Eric: I get that all the fucking time.
• 12:02
  Eric: Enjoy that.
• 12:03
  Matt: Oh no.
• 12:04
  Matt: Oh, well, you're not making me excited about my time as a poach.
• 12:08
  Eric: Oh no, enjoy, enjoy those knees.
• 12:11
  Eric: Enjoy that spine.
• 12:12
  Matt: Oh, you think you think my spine is good.
• 12:15
  Eric: Oh no, that's true.
• 12:17
  Eric: Yeah.
• 12:18
  Eric: So now this this very quickly is becoming a discussion of of of who hates being in their new body the most.
• 12:24
  Matt: Yeah.
• 12:25
  Matt: So we would we'd be so maybe we'd be so preoccupied.
• 12:29
  Eric: We would just wake up and start writhing in pain.
• 12:32
  Matt: In in the other's pain, that is newfound pain to us.
• 12:36
  Matt: Yeah.
• 12:37
  Eric: Like, what is this?
• 12:38
  Matt: That we wouldn't get around to any shenanigans.
• 12:41
  Matt: But assuming I got over it, what would I do?
• 12:44
  Eric: I know what I know what the fuck I would do.
• 12:46
  Matt: Oh, well, hit it.
• 12:47
  Matt: Hit me with it.
• 12:48
  Eric: For those of you not listening at home, Matt has a supernaturally long tongue.
• 12:55
  Matt: He has a tongue.
• 12:56
  Matt: It is it is it has been written about in the several scientific journals.
• 13:03
  Eric: Just do it, stick it out for me.
• 13:08
  Matt: Yeah, nothing like a good visual for an audio form.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_09: Uh yep.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_09: No, it's so good.
• 13:13
  Matt: It's yes, I the whole it it can, it's very impressive, if I do say so myself.
• 13:18
  Matt: It can go down under my chin or just a little bit.
• 13:21
  Matt: That whole, like, you can't, it's physically impossible to lick your elbow.
• 13:24
  Matt: I can do it.
• 13:25
  Matt: Y'all haven't tried in a while, but I have been able to do it in the past.
• 13:29
  Eric: Speaking of kick-ass visual things to do on a podcast, right now, Matt Shea is going to attempt to lick his elbow.
• 13:36
  Eric: First time in 15 years.
• 13:37
  Matt: There's a better elbow to do it with.
• 13:39
  Eric: Okay.
• 13:41
  Eric: Yes! Ladies and gentlemen, he still reigns supreme.
• 13:45
  Matt: I would elementary school tricks still going strong.
• 13:48
  Eric: I would honest to God just spend my entire freaky Friday standing in the mirror, just doing weird shit with your tongue.
• 13:55
  Eric: And I'm mad, I mean weird shit.
• 13:58
  Matt: The yeah, and well, you should.
• 13:59
  Matt: It's a magnificent muscle.
• 14:04
  Matt: I'm just saying, I know I've got a I've got a uh I've got one good physical attribute in this.
• 14:11
  Eric: Dummy thick tongue.
• 14:13
  Matt: Um, well, what would I do as Eric Poach?
• 14:15
  Matt: I might go to a grocery store, assuming this is in non-COVID times, yeah, and see how many people approach me about getting things from tall places.
• 14:27
  Eric: Does that happen to you?
• 14:28
  Matt: I hope it does.
• 14:29
  Matt: They I honest to God, or are they afraid of your otherwise imposing fig seats?
• 14:35
  Eric: I will see people struggling.
• 14:37
  Eric: Like I will I will see an old an old lady, a babushka.
• 14:40
  Eric: Um her little tiptoes, just reaching for the top shelf, and she looks around like she's looking for an associate.
• 14:51
  Eric: She sees me, and and she just has this.
• 14:55
  Eric: I can see the internal struggle.
• 14:57
  Eric: I can see she like she wants help, but she doesn't know if she can ask random, random, and who can blame her?
• 15:04
  Eric: Random goddamn behemoth approaching from the north, and then I'm and then I'm just like, Pardon me, uh, excuse me, babushka.
• 15:13
  Eric: Do you need help reaching your your cereals?
• 15:16
  Eric: And then she's like, and then I'll get the babushka her her checks.
• 15:22
  Matt: And how often does this happen, this encounter with a babushka?
• 15:27
  Eric: Three, four times.
• 15:30
  Matt: Three, four times a week, a month, a year, three lifetime?
• 15:33
  Eric: Three, four times.
• 15:35
  Matt: You you keep your secrets.
• 15:37
  Matt: Um I'll find them out for myself when I assist the babushka in in in the uh shoppers.
• 15:47
  Eric: Now I am the one who lifts for the babushka.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_04: I am the guardian of the babushka now.
• 15:53
  Eric: Now, since you'll be in there and I won't be there to experience any ramifications, I have always wondered if you just like lift the babushka from under her arm, like Simba style up to the chill.
• 16:04
  Eric: Interesting.
• 16:04
  Eric: Just report your own.
• 16:05
  Matt: It would be fun to see to do things with each other's bodies of like in a physical challenge sense.
• 16:13
  Matt: Like, oh, Eric is stronger than me.
• 16:16
  Matt: I always knew it to be true.
• 16:18
  Eric: Or you're just gonna lift lift try to lift her up and be like, Eric, you weak bitch.
• 16:24
  Matt: What a discovery this is.
• 16:25
  Matt: It's all been a lie.
• 16:29
  Matt: Um, all right.
• 16:31
  Matt: Well, yeah, I think it'd be a lot of like dealing with what are the aches and pains of this body.
• 16:40
  Eric: Yeah.
• 16:40
  Matt: I think that would dominate for me.
• 16:42
  Eric: Tongues and babushka crime.
• 16:44
  Matt: Uh, couldn't ask for better answer, I don't think.
• 16:47
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 16:48
  Matt: Uh so done um done in the bag.
• 16:51
  Matt: Thank you for the question, Megan.
• 16:53
  Matt: Um, now this one comes this one, I think, is a little cut and dry.
• 16:56
  Matt: This comes from Hill O'Neill.
• 16:58
  Eric: Oh, you think this one is cut and dry?
• 17:01
  Eric: Interesting.
• 17:01
  Matt: Well, we'll talk about it.
• 17:02
  Matt: It comes from Hill O'Neill on um on Instagram, although it could be.
• 17:09
  Matt: I don't think it is.
• 17:10
  Matt: I think that's a last name, of course.
• 17:12
  Matt: Uh, but I'm gonna choose also to interpret it as Hill One Il.
• 17:16
  Matt: Ooh, Hill One Ill.
• 17:18
  Matt: Hill One Ill.
• 17:19
  Matt: She writes, where do nudists keep their hankies?
• 17:25
  Eric: So let's let's let's just get it out of the way.
• 17:28
  Matt: I think well, first of all, I know you want to you said but I want to take one more step back.
• 17:37
  Matt: And that step back is who's carrying a hanky?
• 17:40
  Eric: Who no no one.
• 17:42
  Eric: Let's assume we're assuming like 1920s nudist.
• 17:46
  Matt: Oh, the 1920s nudists.
• 17:49
  Matt: Were they big?
• 17:50
  Eric: They were huge.
• 17:53
  Eric: Well, so okay, assuming hankies.
• 17:56
  Matt: Okay, assuming hankies is a is a common element.
• 18:00
  Matt: Assuming not a nasty thing from the past.
• 18:03
  Eric: Assuming hankies and nudists.
• 18:07
  Matt: I think we They've only got one place to put them.
• 18:10
  Eric: They do, which is why I don't think this is cut and dry, because no one's gonna keep it in, you know, the AS.
• 18:17
  Eric: They're no, as I said before.
• 18:20
  Eric: No, like I I wanna I wanna give this question a fair shake.
• 18:24
  Matt: Agreed.
• 18:24
  Matt: No one's I I if you're right, no one is going to put a hanky up the bridge.
• 18:29
  Eric: It's good for a giggle.
• 18:30
  Matt: It's good for a good for a giggle.
• 18:33
  Eric: Okay, but so but to be practical.
• 18:36
  Matt: If they really want to keep this thing clean, even though the very definition of a hanky means it will never be clean, um, they could like roll it, roll it up tight and like stick it behind the ear like a pencil or a cigarette.
• 18:49
  Eric: That I do like that.
• 18:51
  Eric: That is classy.
• 18:52
  Matt: That's kind of fun.
• 18:53
  Eric: I do want to hit you with this.
• 18:54
  Matt: Hit a go please hit away.
• 18:56
  Eric: When I'm gonna start naming things, you tell me when it stops being clothing.
• 19:02
  Matt: Got it.
• 19:02
  Matt: Shirt.
• 19:03
  Matt: Clothes.
• 19:04
  Eric: Pants.
• 19:05
  Matt: Clothes.
• 19:06
  Matt: Hat.
• 19:07
  Matt: Oh, definitely clothes.
• 19:08
  Matt: Belt.
• 19:10
  Matt: Cl I mean, we're in accessory territory, but clothes.
• 19:13
  Eric: Fanny pack.
• 19:15
  Matt: That's just accessory.
• 19:16
  Eric: There's your answer.
• 19:17
  Matt: That fanny pack is just an accessory.
• 19:20
  Matt: I think you think that's a fanny pack.
• 19:23
  Matt: Can carry fanny packs.
• 19:24
  Matt: I mean, I think that is true.
• 19:25
  Matt: I think they do.
• 19:27
  unknown: Yeah.
• 19:27
  Eric: Yeah.
• 19:28
  Matt: If they have an accessory like a fanny pack.
• 19:30
  Eric: Yeah, what are they gonna worry about, Matt?
• 19:32
  Eric: Looking dumb?
• 19:33
  Matt: If I'm walking around, I'm out there pre-COVID times.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_07: Yep.
• 19:38
  Matt: Um, certainly I'm not out there anymore.
• 19:41
  Matt: Uh, walking around naked.
• 19:44
  Matt: With a satchel of some kind.
• 19:46
  Eric: Yeah, they gotta keep their shit somewhere.
• 19:49
  Matt: A purse?
• 19:50
  Eric: Yeah.
• 19:51
  Matt: A backpack.
• 19:52
  Matt: Any of these things.
• 19:55
  Matt: All of these these, you know, bags.
• 19:58
  Matt: Any bag.
• 19:59
  Matt: A grocery bag.
• 20:00
  Eric: In fact, I think I'm gonna make and I don't know if this is gonna be a controversial statement, but I'm gonna make it.
• 20:06
  Eric: Um, I think that only nudists can wear fanny packs as God intended.
• 20:13
  Eric: Mmm.
• 20:14
  Eric: It's on the fanny.
• 20:17
  Matt: It is it is in its purest form.
• 20:20
  Matt: How do you think a fanny pack is meant to be worn?
• 20:23
  Matt: The fanny pack would imply that it goes on the back.
• 20:27
  Matt: But n but nobody wears it that way.
• 20:30
  Matt: But nobody does.
• 20:32
  Matt: But that is the way you're supposed to wear it, though.
• 20:35
  unknown: Okay.
• 20:36
  Matt: That's what I mean.
• 20:37
  Matt: But why would you wear it?
• 20:39
  Matt: The purest form.
• 20:42
  Matt: So you think nudists not only wear the fanny pack, but they wear it quote unquote properly.
• 20:49
  Matt: Yes.
• 20:50
  Matt: As you put it as God intended.
• 20:52
  Matt: Yes.
• 20:53
  Matt: When God cre on the eighth day when God created fanny packs.
• 20:56
  Eric: When Yahweh pointed to a patch of earth and created a fanny pack.
• 21:02
  Eric: He handed it right to Adam and fucking Eve, the first nudists.
• 21:06
  Matt: He edit I I agree that um when Adam and Eve packed it up to leave from Eden, they brought that the the the put those leaves right in the fanny pack.
• 21:17
  Eric: Yeah, they needed somewhere to keep all that sin.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_06: Indeed, they did.
• 21:26
  Matt: So I think we could say definitively that nudists keep their uh hankies in their fanny packs right next to their sin.
• 21:37
  Eric: Oh, good.
• 21:39
  Matt: Oh man.
• 21:40
  Matt: Um okay, so thank you, Hill 1 ill, for the for the question.
• 21:45
  Eric: Oh, it's just gonna get worse from here, folks.
• 21:47
  Matt: Uh okay, Eric, do we have any other questions?
• 21:50
  Eric: We have one more.
• 21:52
  Eric: This is from our our good friend, friend of the podcast, friend of us, Alex Kafarakis.
• 22:00
  Eric: Um, the question is, what's the deal with bronies?
• 22:06
  Matt: Now, I will be admit that I come to the topic of bronies as a bit of a novice.
• 22:13
  Eric: You come to it, pure.
• 22:14
  Eric: You come as you come as a nudist in their fanny pack.
• 22:17
  Matt: I come as a nudist dressed only in their fanny pack full of sin and hankies.
• 22:24
  Matt: Could you inform me, Eric, what is a brony?
• 22:28
  Eric: This is and this is side note quickly becoming one of my favorite aspects of the show where there's an entire thing I just have to explain to you from the cultural zeitgeist.
• 22:37
  Matt: It is interesting that that is the pattern so far.
• 22:40
  Eric: Yeah.
• 22:41
  Eric: So, Matthew.
• 22:42
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 22:43
  Eric: Uh, a brony is just a fan.
• 22:45
  Eric: A brony is known colloquially as a fan of the show My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic.
• 22:53
  Eric: Now, the sort of it it also has a sort of pejorative term.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_06: Okay.
• 23:02
  Eric: Referring to like grown men who really enjoy the show, and Matt, I mean really enjoy the show.
• 23:09
  Eric: Yeah.
• 23:09
  Eric: Like they did that thing that a lot of a lot of for whatever reason like dudes do, which is they start ironically liking a thing, and then they accidentally end up liking the shit out of that thing, and then subsequently ruining that thing for everyone else who liked that thing.
• 23:28
  Matt: Yeah, I think that is a thing men do.
• 23:31
  Matt: Um I don't know why, but I feel I I feel I can it's cause we're garbage.
• 23:38
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:39
  Matt: Um we are garbage.
• 23:42
  Eric: Yeah, we're trash.
• 23:44
  Matt: It is in our nature to ruin things this way.
• 23:47
  Matt: Um for ourselves included, I think.
• 23:50
  unknown: Yeah.
• 23:51
  Matt: So I can I can get I can I have the understanding now of what a brony, what the what the psychology of a brony is.
• 23:58
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:59
  Matt: Is that the question?
• 24:00
  Matt: Is that the question?
• 24:01
  Eric: What's the deal with brony?
• 24:03
  Matt: What's the what's the deal with bronies?
• 24:06
  Eric: Thank you.
• 24:07
  Matt: Um the bros, the ponies, what's it all about?
• 24:11
  Matt: That's my Seinfeld impression.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, was it Matt?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Is that your Seinfeld impression?
• 24:16
  Matt: But what's the deal?
• 24:18
  Matt: Oh, it isn't what it is, it isn't it isn't that.
• 24:21
  Matt: It's not what it is.
• 24:22
  Matt: I just needed you to explain the cultural Zeitgeist for me.
• 24:25
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 24:26
  Eric: So ACAF wants to know what's the deal with bronies.
• 24:29
  Eric: Um I think I touched on it, it's mostly like it's a bunch of milktoast dudes who who wanted I and and this is I think what pisses me off about bronies, and I'll be clear, uh, being an adult who likes the show My Little Pony, there is nothing in the universe wrong with that.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_07: Sure.
• 24:48
  Eric: But I think a lot of dudes got into this show just so they could ironically like like, oh yeah, I like My Little Pony.
• 24:58
  Eric: Oh, like so they could make fun of it, and then when they got into it, instead of just enjoying the goddamn thing, then they had to gatekeep the goddamn thing.
• 25:08
  Matt: Oh no.
• 25:10
  Eric: And that fuck that.
• 25:12
  Matt: I think.
• 25:13
  Matt: Yeah.
• 25:14
  Matt: No, I mean, just because you accidentally fell into a fandom doesn't mean that you need to uh, you know, lock that fandom down to just yourself.
• 25:26
  Matt: Especially Because is it a fandom if it's just you?
• 25:30
  Eric: Then it's a a you a you a udom.
• 25:33
  Matt: Then it's a udom.
• 25:35
  Eric: And you done fucked up.
• 25:38
  Matt: Well done.
• 25:39
  Eric: See, we lost it there for a second, and I just fucking yanked it back.
• 25:43
  Eric: We just yanked it right back.
• 25:45
  Eric: And again, nothing wrong with being a grown dude who likes my little pony.
• 25:49
  Matt: There's nothing wrong with being a grown dude who likes My Little Pony, although I think it gets into a little bit of a dicey area.
• 26:00
  Matt: Like, how much do you like My Little Pony?
• 26:03
  Matt: Are you going to some convention?
• 26:04
  Matt: Are you a childless adult man who is going to a like a children's My Little Pony event?
• 26:11
  Matt: Hey Matt.
• 26:12
  Matt: Because then I think we got some problems.
• 26:14
  Matt: Hey, Matt.
• 26:15
  unknown: Eric.
• 26:16
  Matt: Are you ready for this shit?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think I am.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: There is a convention in Baltimore that ran for a long time called Brony Con.
• 26:28
  Matt: They get their own convention, Matt.
• 26:31
  Matt: Well, then that's fine.
• 26:33
  Matt: You know, that's good.
• 26:33
  Matt: Keep them separate.
• 26:34
  Eric: That's what I'll uh yeah.
• 26:36
  Eric: I and I and I will admittedly uh I don't know much about BronyCon other than it's called BronyCon.
• 26:41
  Eric: It's a huge My Little Pony convention, but I think that's the other thing is I think it was called BronyCon, but it was kind of like if they called a Star Trek convention like TrekkyCon.
• 26:50
  Eric: It was meant to be like, oh, fans of the show, Bronies.
• 26:53
  Eric: But like, again, there were chere gonna be the little kids at the convention, and they're all fans of My Little Pony.
• 27:02
  Matt: I I do want to add that I have just discovered that there is several films on this topic.
• 27:08
  Matt: Uh there is Bronies, the extremely unexpected adult fans of My Little Pony from 2012.
• 27:17
  Matt: Uh there is also a Brony tale.
• 27:21
  Eric: That's alright, that's several levels deep.
• 27:24
  Matt: And that seems to have a different spelling of Brony.
• 27:28
  Matt: Oh, I see.
• 27:29
  Matt: No, it's just Brony.
• 27:31
  Matt: Brony's.
• 27:32
  Matt: I see.
• 27:33
  Matt: They're just mimicking the pony pluralization.
• 27:36
  Matt: I got you now.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yeah, I got you, babe.
• 27:39
  Matt: Um.
• 27:41
  Matt: Yeah.
• 27:43
  Matt: What is up with that?
• 27:46
  Eric: I think I honest to God think it explains so much about humanity, the brony phenomenon.
• 27:53
  Eric: Just the I'm gonna start liking this thing to be to be clever and cute, and then uh oh, I'm buying a tail.
• 28:02
  Matt: But why?
• 28:03
  Matt: That's the thing.
• 28:04
  Matt: The de the question is, what's the deal with?
• 28:07
  Eric: If you're exposed to anything on a long enough timeline, you're gonna fucking love that thing.
• 28:13
  Matt: I think that's a good summation.
• 28:14
  Matt: Okay, well, I think that uh I think we can put a fork in the brony topic.
• 28:19
  Matt: Uh I think we got to the bottom of what the deal is with bronies.
• 28:24
  Matt: Um, and quite frankly, I don't want to keep saying the word brony.
• 28:28
  Matt: So let's move on to today's uh main topic of discussion, or uh as we have started affectionately calling this segment, the main segment.
• 28:39
  Matt: Oh, yeah, and I like that you when you did that, you put your hand up as if this was uh a we are the world type situation.
• 28:48
  Matt: So because this is um uh a somewhat Halloween-themed um episode, we want to cover the important question facing Americans today, which is what does retirement look like for our most beloved monsters and killers from horror films?
• 29:19
  Eric: Yeah, because they're after 2020, they got nothing.
• 29:24
  Eric: There's nothing, there's nothing that any of them can do to us that this year hasn't already done.
• 29:30
  Eric: Like, what's the point of them anymore?
• 29:32
  Matt: Yes, 2020 has proven to be the ugliest of all the monsters, the the awest of all real monsters.
• 29:42
  Matt: That was a real 90s cut.
• 29:45
  Matt: That was good.
• 29:45
  Matt: That was a deep cut.
• 29:47
  Matt: Thank you.
• 29:48
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 29:50
  Matt: Uh, thank you.
• 29:51
  Matt: So um, I think what we should do is let's go, let's let's go through our heavy hitters and let's talk about um them one at a time and talk about what their retirement looks like, and maybe we'll just pontificate a little bit on what a uh what their final walk away scene is.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_09: Oh yeah.
• 30:13
  Matt: Like their before the credits roll scene.
• 30:16
  Eric: Right yeah, of the final, the actual true final.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 30:20
  Eric: They're their Michael Cain is in Paris, looks across the the way, sees them, but doesn't like acknowledge them before the credits roll.
• 30:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 30:29
  Matt: So let's get started with our good friend.
• 30:34
  Matt: Everyone's favorite, not everyone's favorite.
• 30:37
  Matt: People are gonna jump down my throat like the bread bowl debacles.
• 30:40
  Eric: Maybe not Lori Strode's favorite.
• 30:42
  Matt: Uh let's talk about Lori Strode's.
• 30:46
  Matt: I don't know you'd call him her favorite, but um nevertheless, yeah.
• 30:54
  Matt: Let's take a trip to Haddonfield, Illinois.
• 30:57
  Matt: I think it's Illinois.
• 30:58
  Matt: Maybe it's Indiana.
• 30:59
  Matt: Does it take place?
• 31:00
  Matt: I'm pretty sure it's Illinois.
• 31:02
  Eric: If Halloween took place in Illinois, that just completely shifts its perspective in my entire life.
• 31:08
  Matt: I'm pretty sure it does, but nobody wants to listen to us pontificate on that.
• 31:13
  Matt: Let's take a trip to Haddonfield, USA.
• 31:18
  Matt: And uh take a close look at the final days of Michael Myers.
• 31:25
  Eric: The man himself.
• 31:27
  Eric: So the question is we know we know that Michael Myers, they're all retiring.
• 31:33
  Eric: Why is Michael Myers retiring?
• 31:35
  Matt: So Michael Myers has a very definitive goal.
• 31:40
  Matt: It's simple, it's to the point.
• 31:42
  Matt: He's trying to kill his whole family.
• 31:46
  Matt: So he has a very measurable retirement point, I would say.
• 31:51
  Matt: His career goal has a very definitive goal.
• 31:57
  Eric: He makes smart goals.
• 31:59
  Eric: Yeah, I'm actually impressed.
• 32:00
  Eric: He sets very small, like achievable things.
• 32:04
  Eric: In fact, you watch his entire journey through the movies.
• 32:06
  Eric: That's that's his thing to a T.
• 32:07
  Eric: He's never really like, he's just he's looking at what's in front of him and he's getting it done.
• 32:11
  Matt: He's keeping it focused, he's got his action items, and he's ready to go.
• 32:16
  Eric: Yeah, this is actually shaping my answer for what I think Michael Myers does in retirement.
• 32:22
  Matt: I'm glad.
• 32:24
  Matt: Yeah, but before we get into that, I do want to mention that Halloween specifically, of all these various uh series that we're gonna be covering, I do think it's important that we talk for just a second about timelines.
• 32:39
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 32:41
  Matt: To a certain extent, this does come into play with the other series, but Halloween very specifically has a fucked up timeline.
• 32:50
  Eric: And this is without any crossovers, right?
• 32:53
  Eric: Like did Halloween never do a crossover?
• 32:55
  Matt: Uh what do you mean?
• 32:56
  Eric: Like, was there ever a Freddy versus Michael?
• 32:59
  Matt: I don't believe so.
• 33:00
  Matt: Okay.
• 33:00
  Matt: So you have Halloween, the classic, it has a direct sequel, Halloween 2.
• 33:07
  Matt: And then you skip over Halloween three because it doesn't feature Michael Myers and sucks.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_02: It was at this juncture that Matt spent the next ten minutes explaining in great detail the Halloween timeline and converging sequel timelines.
• 33:35
  Matt: Seven and eight, Halloween H2O and Halloween uh resurrection are their own thing.
• 33:49
  Matt: Anyway, that felt necessary at the time, but maybe it wasn't.
• 33:56
  Eric: I have one question.
• 33:58
  Eric: Do you think Season of the Witch will get a sequel?
• 34:01
  Matt: Probably.
• 34:01
  Matt: It's 2020.
• 34:03
  Eric: It's 2020.
• 34:04
  Eric: What else can they take from us?
• 34:05
  Matt: It sure as hell doesn't deserve one.
• 34:07
  Matt: It didn't deserve Michael, it didn't deserve Loomis, so it doesn't deserve a sequel.
• 34:14
  Eric: So now that we we know the Holoverse.
• 34:17
  Matt: So all of that to say that I think what we need to do is actually ignore all of those timelines.
• 34:26
  Matt: Okay, so what it okay, so we're ignoring, so we're we're we're timeline agnostic.
• 34:30
  Matt: I think what we need to do is talk the because his goal is kill his whole family, and I as far as I know, to my fan knowledge, that doesn't change in whatever timeline you're looking at.
• 34:42
  Matt: That's true.
• 34:43
  Matt: Because of that, it doesn't really matter what timeline we're talking about.
• 34:46
  Matt: So I guess I didn't need to talk about them.
• 34:48
  Matt: Anyway, uh it doesn't really matter, but I think we should go at the very least from the the longest stretch of movies, Halloween through six.
• 35:01
  Eric: Okay.
• 35:02
  Matt: Um, and say that we continued with that continuity.
• 35:05
  Matt: But really, I think this applies to to all of them.
• 35:08
  Eric: Agreed.
• 35:08
  Matt: So let's say Michael Myers is successful.
• 35:13
  Matt: Yep.
• 35:13
  Eric: He has knifed the final strode.
• 35:16
  Matt: He's knifed the final strode.
• 35:17
  Matt: There he is.
• 35:18
  Matt: I'm gonna put him.
• 35:19
  Matt: Should we should we paint the uh should we paint the picture of how many strodes a man must walk down?
• 35:26
  Matt: Yes, so he's got that final strode, whoever it might be, whatever incarnation of Jamie Lee Curtis, he's got.
• 35:32
  Matt: Kevin, Kevin Strode.
• 35:34
  Matt: He's got Kevin Strode.
• 35:36
  Eric: Kevin Strode.
• 35:37
  Matt: Honestly, sounds like he deserves.
• 35:41
  Matt: I mean, Kevin Strode.
• 35:44
  Matt: Ugh.
• 35:45
  Matt: Come on, Kevin Strode sounds like a jockey.
• 35:48
  Eric: Yeah.
• 35:49
  Eric: It's 2020.
• 35:50
  Eric: They're like Mike.
• 35:50
  Matt: Kevin Strode sounds like a jockey douchebag in high school.
• 35:54
  Eric: Oh, Kevin Strode.
• 35:55
  Eric: Kevin Strode.
• 35:57
  Eric: Like he's he's that guy that everyone would say his entire name every time they see him.
• 36:01
  Matt: Yeah.
• 36:02
  Matt: Like, here comes Kevin Strode.
• 36:04
  Matt: Oh, look, he wants to pant somebody in gym classical.
• 36:07
  Eric: Oh, here comes Kevin Strode.
• 36:09
  Eric: He's gonna ask my mom to buy him wine coolers for his party.
• 36:12
  Matt: Fucking Kevin Strode.
• 36:14
  Eric: Fucking Kevin Strode.
• 36:16
  Matt: Okay, so Kevin Strode.
• 36:18
  Matt: Kevin Strode's fucking dead.
• 36:19
  Matt: Business end.
• 36:22
  Matt: He's done.
• 36:23
  Matt: Fuck Kevin Strode.
• 36:25
  Matt: Go on.
• 36:26
  Matt: Kevin Strode is is run through with that chef's knife of uh Michael Myers.
• 36:34
  Matt: And Michael Myers, I'm gonna put him right in the middle of the street.
• 36:38
  Matt: He realizes he chased Kevin's fucking Kevin Strode into the street.
• 36:43
  Matt: In public.
• 36:44
  Matt: Got him where it hurts.
• 36:45
  Matt: In public.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_03: People are clapping.
• 36:48
  Eric: Everyone's clapping that Kevin is dead.
• 36:51
  Matt: Michael.
• 36:52
  Eric: Michael Michael.
• 36:53
  Eric: Michael Michael I love this already.
• 36:59
  Eric: Yes, good.
• 37:00
  Matt: And as as the blood slow as he slowly withdraws his knife and the blood drips droplet by droplet by droplet, he sees all of these cheering f admirers.
• 37:16
  Matt: The mayor hands him the key to the city and says, Thank you, Michael.
• 37:24
  Eric: Is the mayor Loomis?
• 37:26
  Eric: Thank you, Michael.
• 37:30
  Eric: Thank you, Michael.
• 37:32
  Eric: Thank you, Michael.
• 37:34
  Eric: It is weird, it is weird ghost voice.
• 37:37
  Eric: Loomis is the closest equivalent we have to a human ghost.
• 37:41
  Eric: He's an alive ghost.
• 37:43
  Eric: Go home, Michael.
• 37:45
  Eric: Go home to where it all began.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, Loomis the human ghost.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_06: You're a civil servant, Michael.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_06: Uh so Loomis the human ghost and the mayor.
• 37:54
  Matt: The ghost mayor of hand hand him the key to the city for his service of killing fucking Kevin Strode, who everyone looks down at and the street and says, Oh god, I'm sorry he's even here still.
• 38:10
  Eric: They throw a tarp over him.
• 38:12
  Matt: Yeah, Michael's still there, droplet by droplet.
• 38:15
  Matt: The blood is finishing its way off the knife, because it also doesn't want to have any God, the knife rejects Kevin Strode, such a douchebag as he.
• 38:25
  Matt: And Michael sees all all all of his admirers, and he slowly realizes that it's all over.
• 38:35
  Matt: His great journey, Eric, has come to its inevitable conclusion with this murder of fucking Kevin Strode.
• 38:46
  Matt: He's now dead.
• 38:48
  Matt: And he slowly, very deliberately, takes off that William Shatner bleached mask and drops it on the ground.
• 39:00
  Matt: No, no, but you know what?
• 39:02
  Matt: He doesn't drop it.
• 39:03
  Matt: Everyone looks at his face and goes, my god, he's so gorgeous.
• 39:09
  Matt: A silence falls over Haddonfield, Illinois, as he slowly looks out at the rising sun and begins his walk down that final street.
• 39:25
  Matt: And slowly he lets the mask fall behind him.
• 39:30
  Matt: He's free.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_01: He's free.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: He's free.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: He's earned it.
• 39:35
  Matt: And the question is, what does he do with that freedom?
• 39:38
  Eric: So he has killed Kevin Strode, hero, hero of Haddonfield, they call him now.
• 39:43
  Matt: The hero of Haddonfield, Michael Myers.
• 39:47
  Matt: Uh the So the hero of Haddonfield, Michael Myers, walks off into the sunrise.
• 39:54
  Matt: Because of course this movie's gotta be nighttime.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_04: Come on.
• 39:57
  Matt: Uh he's walking off into the rising sun.
• 40:00
  Matt: What's he doing?
• 40:02
  Eric: So here's what I'm thinking, and and and let me know if this tracks.
• 40:07
  Eric: So we were talking earlier about Michael Myers.
• 40:10
  Eric: Set smart goals, attainable goals, gets there, like of everyone, I think we're gonna discuss, he's the most direct in like just straightforward.
• 40:18
  Eric: He gets it done.
• 40:19
  Eric: And then he can retire.
• 40:20
  Eric: He can he can move on to that next phase of his life and make the plans that he needs to make.
• 40:25
  Eric: I think dude becomes motivational speaker is probably the wrong title.
• 40:30
  Eric: Motivational speaker.
• 40:33
  Eric: He's a he's a corporate consultant now.
• 40:35
  Eric: Like he's about setting and obtaining smart, achievable goals in a timely fashion and winning the respect and admiration of your co-workers and Haddenfield.
• 40:47
  Matt: So he's what you would call a consultant now.
• 40:50
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 40:51
  Matt: He's a business consultant.
• 40:53
  Matt: You don't think he wants to like put his feet up in like some tropical island and just relax and and be able to say, oh, waiter, waiter, I need a fresh umbrella for this coconut.
• 41:08
  Eric: Is that what you think he sounds like?
• 41:12
  Matt: No.
• 41:16
  Matt: Well, I love it.
• 41:17
  Matt: Don't you think it'd be inter I feel like everybody expects him to, you know, sort of sound like uh some sort of ghoul.
• 41:25
  Matt: Like what's his name from the goose?
• 41:27
  Eric: Like sloth?
• 41:28
  Eric: Like sloth?
• 41:30
  Matt: Like sloth.
• 41:31
  Eric: Oh man, I would that'd be so sad.
• 41:34
  Matt: But I don't think he does.
• 41:35
  Matt: I think he or people expect him to sound like, you know, some sort of super villain like Jesus.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, ooh, like you know like and punishing villain voice.
• 41:49
  Matt: But I don't know that that's true.
• 41:50
  Matt: Like what because nobody wants Michael's voice to come out like, I am the hero of Had and Field.
• 41:58
  Eric: I knew I could do it.
• 42:00
  Eric: If we're if we're approaching it from like a sort of angle of verisimilitude, if I may, the man that has never used his vocal cords hasn't used his vocal cords in decades.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_01: So true.
• 42:18
  Matt: So how's he gonna motivate them as a motivational speaking consultant?
• 42:22
  Eric: Well, see, that's why I said motivational speaker was a questionable title, Matt.
• 42:26
  Eric: That's why I said it was a questionable title, because I don't think he's gonna be speaking.
• 42:29
  Matt: You did.
• 42:29
  Eric: I think he's gonna he I think he might be a sort of like paid corporate mascot.
• 42:33
  Eric: Like be a Michael.
• 42:35
  Eric: They're like when you come to the office, be a Michael.
• 42:37
  Eric: And then it's just clips of Michael walking about the fucking office, just getting shit done.
• 42:42
  Matt: But in that very deliberate walk of his.
• 42:45
  Eric: The deliberate walk, like Michael walks with purpose.
• 42:49
  Eric: Michael walks with his goals in mind.
• 42:52
  Eric: Michael attacks every day like it's Kevin Strode.
• 42:55
  Eric: Be a Michael.
• 42:56
  Matt: Like it's fucking Kevin Strode.
• 42:58
  Matt: And then they show just like clips of him, like, you know, putting together a chart, filling out Excel spreadsheet.
• 43:06
  Matt: He's got this bitchin' pivot table going, and all the while in the background you hear that, you know, yeah.
• 43:12
  Matt: Oh, but it's like a business synth.
• 43:14
  Matt: But this time it's Excel spreadsheets.
• 43:18
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 43:19
  Eric: And this is what pays for him to go to the goddamn beach with his little coconut drink, Matt.
• 43:23
  Eric: Because stabbing Strodes doesn't really put bucks on the table.
• 43:28
  Eric: But putting us in the black before the end of third quarter, fuck me, dude.
• 43:33
  Eric: That'll do it.
• 43:34
  Matt: That'll do it, man.
• 43:36
  Matt: Um, so okay, I think we've painted a pretty good picture of Michael's post Kevin Strode.
• 43:43
  Eric: 100%.
• 43:44
  Eric: And society's post Kevin Strode life.
• 43:47
  Eric: World's a better place.
• 43:48
  Matt: The world's better for Haddonfield is a boom town now.
• 43:52
  Matt: There's statues of the hero of Haddonfield.
• 43:56
  Eric: What would he would he have a pose in the statue, or would it just be with the Would it just be him kind of standing there?
• 44:02
  Eric: Would the statue include dead Kevin Strode?
• 44:05
  Matt: No, they don't want to see him, they just know the deed.
• 44:08
  Matt: No, I think I kind of like the image of just that very, you know, prostrate, uh upright.
• 44:16
  Eric: No pomp or circumstance.
• 44:18
  Matt: Right.
• 44:19
  Matt: There's no like no like Napoleon, you know, uh neighing horse.
• 44:25
  Matt: There's none of there's none of that.
• 44:28
  Matt: There's there's just him.
• 44:29
  Matt: You know what it is?
• 44:30
  Matt: It's that classic uh, you know, between the sheets on the line.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_07: Yes, okay, good, yes.
• 44:36
  Matt: That's what it is.
• 44:37
  Matt: In fact, they That's what we've got.
• 44:39
  Eric: The statue depicts the sheets.
• 44:41
  Eric: 60 feet tall.
• 44:43
  Eric: Made of metal.
• 44:43
  Matt: Yes, it it has the two sheets.
• 44:45
  Matt: It has two sheets.
• 44:49
  Matt: And you know, like college students come by and and rub Michael's belly for good luck on their exams and with or the stroke's knife, which is a slightly sexual image, I realize have to say it.
• 45:04
  Matt: But they did.
• 45:05
  Matt: I don't who can explain college kids' behavior.
• 45:08
  Eric: Certainly not us, two college graduates.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_06: Certainly not us.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_06: Look at us.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_06: And it look how many years it took us to start this stupid podcast.
• 45:19
  Eric: Man, it's been 12 years since we started college.
• 45:23
  Eric: Well, that's not good for this system.
• 45:25
  Eric: We were in such a good place.
• 45:26
  Eric: Right, man.
• 45:27
  Eric: Why are you making me grapple with my mortality?
• 45:32
  Matt: Yeah, not not when we've just painted such a great picture of the hero of Haddon.
• 45:39
  Matt: Right.
• 45:40
  Matt: Uh, and now that we have, let's move on to somebody else.
• 45:42
  Matt: So we've we've got uh we've got Michael Myers walking walking off.
• 45:47
  Matt: We got his shit down.
• 45:47
  Matt: I feel like he's the let's visit our friend.
• 45:50
  Matt: I think he's the most clear-cut because he has an attainable goal.
• 45:53
  Matt: Now, someone who has a seemingly uh when you think about the series, it feels like he's only after one thing, but I think we gotta pick it apart a little bit, and that's our friend in the lake.
• 46:09
  Matt: Sorry, what's it?
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_04: Did you I did did you something?
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, it was a mosquito.
• 46:29
  Matt: So Jason Voorhees also in the Friday the 13th series.
• 46:33
  Eric: The 13th verse.
• 46:34
  Matt: Correct.
• 46:35
  Matt: Now I'm not as familiar with it as as you are, I think, but um I'm passingly familiar with the broad strokes.
• 46:44
  Matt: Right, I'm passingly familiar too.
• 46:46
  Matt: But I think the important thing to know I know he went to space.
• 46:49
  Matt: Well, before he went, and and so I'm glad you brought that up because Friday the 13th does get a little like ridiculous as it goes on.
• 46:57
  Matt: And to my memory, they let they kind of stop explaining why Jason's been resurrected at a certain point.
• 47:05
  Matt: They just say fuck it.
• 47:06
  Eric: In one, I think it was like Halloween five or six, he comes back by like via lightning rod.
• 47:13
  Eric: Like some dude stabs him with a lightning rod.
• 47:16
  Eric: You mean Friday the 13th, and he gets electrocuted back to life.
• 47:21
  Matt: Yeah, that's right.
• 47:22
  Matt: But and but that's an explanation.
• 47:24
  Matt: Like, I feel like Jason X and that era, they just were like, okay, fuck it.
• 47:29
  Matt: He's here.
• 47:29
  Matt: That's all you gotta know.
• 47:31
  Matt: Yeah, there he is.
• 47:32
  Matt: It's Jason.
• 47:33
  Matt: Um, so but all of these movies, in my recollection, all center around one thing.
• 47:40
  Matt: He's trying to kill people and get them away from his precious camp crystal.
• 47:47
  Eric: Don't come near his lake.
• 47:48
  Eric: Don't tread on him.
• 47:50
  Matt: Don't come near his mama.
• 47:51
  Eric: Don't come near his mama.
• 47:53
  Matt: Or don't come near her.
• 47:54
  Matt: Stay out of his special shed.
• 47:56
  Eric: He has a special shed.
• 47:57
  Eric: That is his that is his sanctum.
• 48:00
  Eric: That is his place where he keeps his mommy's head.
• 48:02
  Eric: And that's fine.
• 48:04
  Matt: That's his special area.
• 48:06
  Eric: So why does Jason retire?
• 48:08
  Matt: Well, I think if if we're saying his goal is to just essentially it's all our goals, to be left alone in our own special place.
• 48:18
  Matt: If he's just trying to be in his and that's I think what they you know what?
• 48:22
  Matt: That's what they need to do.
• 48:23
  Matt: The government, I think, can solve the Jason Voorhees problem by surrounding Camp Crystal Lake with a with a wall, with a uh an isolation wall.
• 48:36
  Eric: I think J in terms of supernatural stamina, I think Jason has like several power levels above everyone else.
• 48:46
  Eric: Like, of everyone, there appears to be no he he's not ever gonna die.
• 48:53
  Eric: He won't stop like Michael Myers seemed to have borderline supernatural, like, you know, you hit him with a car, he gets back up.
• 49:00
  Eric: So Jason can take a goddamn telephone pole to the sternum, through his sternum, and just keep going.
• 49:07
  Eric: So I think that I think he's he's a level where the government does have to get involved.
• 49:13
  Eric: Because while he won't he can't be stopped, he's also not infinite power level either, though.
• 49:20
  Eric: He's still bound by physics.
• 49:24
  Matt: Right.
• 49:24
  Matt: Well, sort of.
• 49:25
  Matt: I mean, in the w I mean in the water, he's like he like basically teleports underwater.
• 49:32
  Matt: He goes so fast.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, but like memory.
• 49:35
  Matt: He can't even swim.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_07: He can't swim, Matt.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_07: Well he can't swim.
• 49:41
  Matt: I I I think he can't swim, but he can't drown, but he can't swim.
• 49:46
  Matt: Yeah, that I mean, well, isn't and isn't that just Schrdinger's Jason?
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_02: Huh.
• 49:53
  Matt: Huh.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good point, Matthew.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 49:56
  Matt: So if he just wants to be left alone and the government can't kill him or whatever, I think put him in put, you know, put in this is the only time you're gonna hear me say this.
• 50:08
  Matt: Build that wall around Camp Crystal Lake specifically.
• 50:13
  Eric: I will follow you into hell with this bit.
• 50:18
  Eric: Build the wall.
• 50:19
  Matt: Again, build the Camp Crystal Lake wall.
• 50:23
  Matt: Maybe we should abandon the build the wall thing.
• 50:26
  Matt: Let's abandon build the wall.
• 50:28
  Matt: Maybe it's more like under the dome.
• 50:30
  Matt: Ooh, biodome! You know, just put a big old dome over it.
• 50:35
  Matt: Uh, over Camp Crystal Lake.
• 50:36
  Eric: The crossover nobody knew they needed, Biodome and Friday the 13th.
• 50:41
  Matt: So Stephen Baldwin and Polly Shore isolate Jason.
• 50:46
  Matt: And now that he's alone, Eric, what what's he gonna do?
• 50:52
  Eric: This this is the one that's most difficult for me.
• 50:54
  Matt: I'm like, what Do you have a well, do you have like a uh do we have our final shot?
• 50:59
  Matt: So he wants to kill things.
• 51:01
  Eric: He was he wants to stab things.
• 51:03
  Eric: There have been, I will say there are multiple instances throughout the series where Jason just kills anything he thinks is vaguely alive.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 51:12
  Eric: And sentient.
• 51:14
  Eric: So what I guess, like, what is the inciting incident that either makes him give that up or gives him that release that he needs without needing to murder people?
• 51:24
  Matt: I think if Camp Crystal Link is successfully isolated and there's no one else in there with him.
• 51:30
  Eric: Are we thinking like a zoo sort of situation?
• 51:33
  Matt: No, I don't think I think in fact, I don't think people should uh I think there should be a certain level of like blacked-out where you can't see in.
• 51:44
  Eric: This is Area 52.
• 51:46
  Matt: A little bit, because if Jason thinks he's being an exhibit, he's not gonna like that.
• 51:52
  Eric: Yeah, and that opens endless like possible plot hooks for just a whole nother murder arc.
• 51:59
  Eric: You essentially have a Jurassic Park, but with Jason Voorhees' situation.
• 52:04
  Matt: Right.
• 52:05
  Eric: I would watch the shit out of that movie, but I see your I watch the shit out of that movie.
• 52:10
  Matt: That sounds like a great addition to Jurassic World.
• 52:13
  Matt: But uh but I think if he can be seen and people can gather and take photos and whatever, he's gonna find a way out of that dome.
• 52:20
  Eric: That's that just has shitty sequel written all over it.
• 52:22
  Eric: Yeah, that's that's no good.
• 52:23
  Eric: Yeah, written all over media blackout, like a biodome that is encased in concrete the whole the whole.
• 52:30
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, I think he should have access to the sky.
• 52:33
  Matt: Okay, you think he's earned that?
• 52:34
  Matt: I think it's like a two-way mirror situation.
• 52:37
  Matt: Okay, okay.
• 52:38
  Matt: Uh so he can he he, as far as he is concerned, he is alone permanently in his home of camp Crystal Lake.
• 52:48
  Matt: And I think he's just kind of chilling.
• 52:51
  Matt: But like, what how is he gonna expend eternity?
• 52:54
  Eric: What does he do?
• 52:55
  Eric: Yeah, he can't die.
• 52:56
  Eric: He will never die, he will never go away.
• 52:59
  Eric: How does he spend the centuries?
• 53:01
  Matt: I sort of like, you know, he sort of like hangs up the uh the old um take the mask off.
• 53:08
  Matt: No, I definitely don't think he takes the mask off.
• 53:11
  Matt: I think he's got because we know he's deformed, I think he feels very self-conscious still.
• 53:16
  Eric: Yes.
• 53:17
  Matt: But I think he takes off the uh the like work onesie he's got going on, the flight suit.
• 53:23
  Eric: The the goddamn jumpsuit.
• 53:24
  Matt: He like takes that off.
• 53:26
  Matt: What does he wear now?
• 53:28
  Matt: I think I think I see a world where he's got like a nice flannel shirt and jeans.
• 53:33
  Matt: I was gonna say flannel or cardigan.
• 53:35
  Matt: He's got his feet up by the fire.
• 53:37
  Matt: Maybe he's got a maybe a little cat was left in case.
• 53:40
  Matt: Oh my god, I wanted to give Jason a cat.
• 53:42
  Matt: I don't think he'd kill the cat.
• 53:44
  Matt: I don't think he'd kill the cat.
• 53:45
  Matt: He's got this very like nice uh cut cat.
• 53:49
  Eric: We can teach Jason how to feed cats.
• 53:52
  Matt: I think so.
• 53:53
  Matt: I think we might be describing a little bit of a um what's his name?
• 53:57
  Matt: Lenny from uh of mice and men situation now.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, then it got sad again.
• 54:05
  Matt: It got sad again, but I don't think the sad part happens.
• 54:09
  Matt: If he k if he accidentally murdered this cat the way Lenny accidentally murdered, I would I would revolt.
• 54:17
  Matt: I will I would I think he I think Jason would revolt.
• 54:21
  Matt: I think he would kill himself.
• 54:22
  Eric: Yeah, if we if we if I had to watch a movie where Jason got a cat and I got to see Jason with the cat and then he killed the cat, I would walk outside and I would pick a direction and I would throw a brick.
• 54:33
  Matt: I think Jason would voluntarily go back in the lake.
• 54:37
  Eric: Yeah, and just not come out.
• 54:38
  Eric: He wouldn't die.
• 54:39
  Eric: He just wouldn't come out.
• 54:40
  Matt: No, he'd just never come out again.
• 54:42
  Eric: Matt, you know what angle I'm actually kind of seeing here is he has the cat.
• 54:47
  Eric: He starts staying in one of the cabins, lights the fireplace, like he gets cozy by the fire with his cat.
• 54:53
  Eric: He's got some like he's got a he's got a fire going outside, he's like got some got a cook fire going, he's making some some hobo stew uh for him and his cat.
• 55:02
  Matt: And what is hobo stew?
• 55:04
  Eric: You never you're wait, you've never heard of hobo stew?
• 55:08
  Matt: Maybe you're an Eagle Scout! I feel like I know the term, but I feel like it might be like bug juice, where people have a million different definitions of it.
• 55:17
  Eric: Okay, that's fair.
• 55:18
  Eric: When I was when I was a when I was a Cub Scout, Matthew.
• 55:22
  Eric: So as a Cub Scout, Matthew.
• 55:23
  Eric: Just tell me.
• 55:24
  Eric: Um when I was a Cub Scout.
• 55:26
  Matt: Just for clarification, you uh only made it to Cub Scouts?
• 55:29
  Eric: Uh I made it a month in Cub Scouts.
• 55:32
  Eric: Matt, I got a I do you want to know what my only merit badge was for?
• 55:36
  Matt: If you were in Cub Scouts, you didn't earn any merit badges.
• 55:38
  Matt: Continue.
• 55:40
  Eric: Okay.
• 55:41
  Eric: I got maybe it wasn't a merit badge.
• 55:45
  Eric: The little belt slidey thing.
• 55:47
  Eric: Did those have a name, Matt?
• 55:49
  Eric: Was I allowed to have those?
• 55:51
  Matt: Uh I I forget their actual name, but they are just belt sliders.
• 55:57
  Eric: Well, I got a fucking kick-ass belt badge.
• 56:00
  Matt: Was it for an I just- Actually, this is a fun game.
• 56:03
  Eric: Guess what?
• 56:04
  Eric: My only merit item.
• 56:06
  Matt: Okay, I'm going, I'm going, I have a guess.
• 56:08
  Matt: Okay.
• 56:09
  Matt: I don't want you to be offended.
• 56:10
  Matt: I'm going off of your the age and my no you know the activities I know you were involved in.
• 56:16
  Matt: Okay.
• 56:16
  Matt: Was it a karate badge?
• 56:18
  Eric: No.
• 56:19
  Eric: I didn't start, I was in Cub Scouts when I was like eight or nine.
• 56:22
  Eric: I didn't start martial arts until I was eleven.
• 56:26
  Matt: Uh was it for something like basketry?
• 56:30
  Matt: Nope.
• 56:31
  Matt: I don't know.
• 56:32
  Matt: I give up.
• 56:33
  Eric: My merit item was for rollerblading.
• 56:38
  Eric: Hey, Matt?
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_02: I've never put on a pair of rollerblades in my life.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 56:46
  Eric: They handed it to me, and I just I was like, cool.
• 56:50
  Matt: You dare admit that to me, an Eagle Scout.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_05: You have you'll call the banners.
• 56:57
  Matt: I had to get city officials to to work with me on an Eagle project.
• 57:03
  Matt: I I climbed mountains, I hiked in deserts, and you, you who had who did not even earn merit yet, let alone the badges.
• 57:16
  Matt: You come to me with your belt slider for rollerblading and tell me that even that is a fraud.
• 57:22
  Eric: Yes, I got a fucking merit merit badge for uh for all rollerblading.
• 57:27
  Eric: I never rollerbladed.
• 57:28
  Matt: Well, good on you, I guess.
• 57:30
  Eric: And then I quit scouts like two weeks later.
• 57:32
  Matt: Yeah, wow.
• 57:33
  Matt: I can see that.
• 57:34
  Eric: But I think the way I see it, I think we had very like comparable scout experiences.
• 57:40
  Eric: Like, you know, we're we're two we're two we're two scouts.
• 57:43
  Eric: No, we are not two scouts.
• 57:45
  Eric: I can't go along with this bit.
• 57:46
  Eric: I can't do it.
• 57:47
  Eric: I won't allow myself.
• 57:49
  Eric: For those of you who cannot see what I'm seeing, isn't this is killing Matt right now.
• 57:55
  Eric: This is this is eating him alive.
• 57:58
  Eric: You I can't, I can't, I can't yesend you.
• 58:02
  Matt: I'm sorry.
• 58:05
  Matt: I won't as and yes and that.
• 58:07
  Matt: I will no butt it.
• 58:10
  Matt: I will I will say no, how dare you! Oh goodness.
• 58:16
  Eric: So oh, but to say all of all all that to say, all that to say, I I think that the final shot we've got here, Jason Voorhees, is in his in his cabin with his cat by the fire, petting his cat, really enjoying this experience of being in the great outdoors in a cabin.
• 58:43
  Eric: And I think he realizes, oh, camping is great.
• 58:48
  Eric: He has his oh shit, no, okay.
• 58:50
  Eric: No, this is pretty awesome.
• 58:52
  Eric: I can see why people do this.
• 58:54
  Eric: I think after an undisclosed amount of time, I think when they finally open the bubble, they do it after like a century has passed, and and and Jason has been hard at work.
• 59:08
  Eric: I think Jason reforges Camp Crystal Lake in his own image.
• 59:13
  Eric: I think he reclaims it.
• 59:14
  Eric: And when they tear down the bubble, it's ready.
• 59:17
  Eric: What does it look like?
• 59:19
  Eric: Well, it looks like it was built by a single, heavily deformed, can only assume didn't have an education past that of kindergarten, super very strong man who has a cat.
• 59:31
  Matt: I said, Well, that is a specific image now.
• 59:34
  Eric: He tried, he tried his damnedest.
• 59:37
  Eric: Matt, I'll tell you this.
• 59:38
  Eric: It looks like someone Was he there?
• 59:40
  Matt: Did he leave?
• 59:41
  Eric: It looks like they hired someone to build this camp who had a camp building merit badge.
• 59:45
  Eric: Oh, it does, doesn't it?
• 59:46
  Eric: But they ain't never built camps before.
• 59:48
  Matt: I see.
• 59:49
  Matt: So it doesn't look like someone who has a camp building merit badge so much as it looks like someone who has a camp building built slider.
• 59:56
  Eric: Is that if I had if I had to put it so crudely, yes.
• 1:00:01
  Eric: Good.
• 1:00:02
  Eric: I'm glad.
• 1:00:06
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:00:07
  Eric: I can hear you typing in like your fucking Eagle Scout Facebook group, like stolen valor.
• 1:00:17
  Eric: Do you have a motherfucking Eagle Scout Facebook group that you're a part of?
• 1:00:21
  Eric: You have to tell me.
• 1:00:23
  Matt: I don't have an Eagle Scout specific.
• 1:00:26
  Matt: Can you start one, please?
• 1:00:29
  Matt: I'm sure there are one.
• 1:00:31
  Matt: Uh I'm sure there are many.
• 1:00:33
  Matt: But the I'm sure there are many, but I am a member of like a former like alumni of my troop group.
• 1:00:41
  Matt: And I'm a member of our Order of the Arrow chapters group.
• 1:00:45
  Matt: I'm not even gonna get into what Order of the Arrow is right now.
• 1:00:48
  Matt: It's the secret society in Scouts that's not very secret.
• 1:00:52
  Matt: And I will admit, I am looked down upon.
• 1:00:54
  Matt: I am looked down upon in the Order in the Scout community because I am what they call.
• 1:00:59
  Matt: So you can't not everyone gets into the Order of the Arrow.
• 1:01:02
  Matt: You get Tell me more.
• 1:01:04
  Matt: You get it, you have to be invited, you have to be nominated and invited by another, by uh, by another scout or scout leader.
• 1:01:12
  Matt: It happens once a year that you're allowed to.
• 1:01:14
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:01:14
  Matt: And once you're in, you get, you've probably seen them.
• 1:01:16
  Matt: You get a a sash, a white sash with a red arrow on it.
• 1:01:20
  Matt: You've probably seen it in like uniform pictures of scout uniforms.
• 1:01:25
  Matt: Again, it's a secret society, but like a lot of the scout population ends up in the OA.
• 1:01:31
  Matt: But you're expected to like do a lot more stuff, like a lot more service, and you get better sashes and you get all kinds of stuff.
• 1:01:38
  Matt: I didn't do any of that.
• 1:01:39
  Matt: Uh what I did is I got the sash and never went to a single Order of the Arrow meeting in my entire life.
• 1:01:46
  Matt: And I am referred to as a sash and dash.
• 1:01:50
  Matt: It's true.
• 1:01:51
  Matt: It's true.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_02: Sash and Dash.
• 1:01:55
  Matt: I'm a Sash and Dasher.
• 1:01:57
  Eric: I can feel, I can fucking feel like the secondhand scorn.
• 1:02:04
  Eric: Oh, this is so good.
• 1:02:06
  Matt: Oh, feed me.
• 1:02:07
  Matt: For example, like my brother, I think I've told you this.
• 1:02:10
  Matt: My brother is still involved in scouts and is very, very active.
• 1:02:15
  Eric: Please tell me he still gives you shit for being a Sash and Dasher.
• 1:02:18
  Matt: I don't think he doesn't give me shit, but I wouldn't be shocked to learn that he like ends up in some uh AA type meeting where he goes, uh, my name's Eric Shea, and uh my brother is a Sash and Dasher.
• 1:02:33
  Eric: Holy shit, Matthew.
• 1:02:35
  Eric: Well, welcome to the new main segment.
• 1:02:37
  Eric: Uh we're gonna pull apart the the Boy Scouts of America, goddamn Illuminati.
• 1:02:43
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no, we are not.
• 1:02:45
  Matt: We are going to leave that behind because we have other people to talk about and we've already taken up a lot of.
• 1:02:50
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:02:51
  Eric: We're gonna this will be uh an the subject of an entire episode in the future.
• 1:02:55
  Eric: I'm I'm I I look forward to it.
• 1:02:57
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:02:58
  Eric: Fuck me, Sash and Dasher.
• 1:03:00
  Eric: God damn it.
• 1:03:00
  Eric: It's so good.
• 1:03:01
  Matt: I I'm just saying I too have shame.
• 1:03:06
  Eric: Yeah, our shames are roughly equal.
• 1:03:08
  Eric: Um, but they're not roughly equal.
• 1:03:11
  Eric: How damn you, how damn you.
• 1:03:14
  Eric: Oh, but all that to say, Hobo Stew.
• 1:03:21
  Eric: Hobo stew, Matthew.
• 1:03:23
  Eric: Uh my my scout definition of hobo stew, from one scout to another.
• 1:03:29
  Eric: Um hobo stew, I was introduced as the concept was you took tinfoil.
• 1:03:36
  Eric: You took tinfoil.
• 1:03:37
  Matt: I know I know exactly what you're gonna do with this tinfoil soup.
• 1:03:40
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:03:40
  Eric: You take tinfoil, you throw a bunch of vegetable chunks and and meats, and you just toss that shit on a fire and let it cook.
• 1:03:48
  Matt: Directly in the flame.
• 1:03:50
  Matt: Direct, direct heat.
• 1:03:51
  Matt: Actually, more like embers.
• 1:03:53
  Eric: It works best with embers.
• 1:03:55
  Eric: Well, I I yeah, I knew that.
• 1:03:57
  Matt: I said it works best with embers.
• 1:04:00
  Matt: It works just as good in a bonfire, I guess.
• 1:04:05
  Matt: If you want that.
• 1:04:06
  Matt: I'm gonna get some burn-ass hobo stew, I'll tell you that.
• 1:04:08
  Eric: I just want a good bark.
• 1:04:09
  Eric: I want a good bark on my hobo stew.
• 1:04:11
  Matt: I think that's a good place to end Jason 4.
• 1:04:13
  Eric: No, yeah.
• 1:04:14
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:04:14
  Eric: Jason opens his own shitty camp after after he befriends a cat, spends his days making hobo stew, and uh eventually opens a very a very shitty camp crystal lake.
• 1:04:25
  Eric: But he's happy, and that's really all that matters.
• 1:04:27
  Matt: At the end of the day, we want Jason to be happy.
• 1:04:30
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:04:30
  Matt: So we've got a lot of other people on the street.
• 1:04:32
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 1:04:33
  Matt: Freddie Krueger.
• 1:04:35
  Eric: The most, I think the most difficult, obviously, to try to navigate a retirement pathway to because why he retires, not so much as can he retire.
• 1:04:47
  Matt: Well, it is it I it is hard to quantify him because he only exists in a dream world.
• 1:04:53
  Matt: And to be fair, 2020 is the year the dreams died.
• 1:04:57
  Eric: It's true.
• 1:04:58
  Eric: But we're we're all living a sort of nightmare in 2020.
• 1:05:02
  Eric: So I guess the question becomes: can Freddie keep up?
• 1:05:05
  Matt: Oh, you think he's a are you saying he he gets so overloaded?
• 1:05:09
  Eric: I th I think he either gets overloaded or he becomes obsolete, like he gets surpassed.
• 1:05:14
  Matt: Oh, he he shows up in nightmares and no one's scared of him because they're just thinking about the crumbling economy.
• 1:05:20
  Eric: Yeah, he's like, hey, you, you bitch, I'm gonna kill you.
• 1:05:24
  Eric: And and they're like, Freddie, I'm I'm dreaming about making my fucking student loan payments right now.
• 1:05:30
  Matt: Freddie, Freddie, like I just lost my job again.
• 1:05:34
  Eric: Can do you know anything?
• 1:05:35
  Eric: Do you know shit about disbursement?
• 1:05:36
  Eric: No, get the fuck out of my face, Freddie.
• 1:05:39
  Eric: Like, I think everyone's got so much real shit in their nightmares right now.
• 1:05:44
  Eric: I don't think Freddie, like, turning into a a video, uh, a scary video game character and pulling them into the TV is gonna really cut it anymore.
• 1:05:53
  Matt: Possibly not.
• 1:05:54
  Matt: So, what does he do?
• 1:05:55
  Eric: I so one of two things.
• 1:05:57
  Eric: He stops he's he stops murdering people in.
• 1:06:00
  Eric: Or he changes his angle.
• 1:06:02
  Eric: He has to change his approach.
• 1:06:03
  Eric: He goes for the boogeyman angle.
• 1:06:05
  Eric: Like the the the you know, you're dreaming about some innocuous thing and he makes that innocuous thing scary.
• 1:06:12
  Eric: Nothing's innocuous anymore.
• 1:06:14
  Eric: We don't have that.
• 1:06:15
  Eric: So what's his angle of approach?
• 1:06:17
  Matt: I yeah, that is Or he just steps away from a tie.
• 1:06:20
  Eric: He he either has to adapt, overcome, or he or he's out the fucking game.
• 1:06:26
  Matt: No, I think he's out of the game.
• 1:06:28
  Matt: I don't think he can I think he's out of the game.
• 1:06:30
  Matt: I don't think he can adapt.
• 1:06:31
  Matt: I think he's a one-trick pony.
• 1:06:32
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:06:33
  Eric: He had one.
• 1:06:34
  Matt: So what does he where does he end up?
• 1:06:35
  Matt: Does he start haunting animal dreams?
• 1:06:38
  Matt: Oh, does he switch species though?
• 1:06:40
  Matt: Does he start like haunting the the whales dreams?
• 1:06:44
  Eric: Whale dreams.
• 1:06:46
  Eric: What do whales dream about?
• 1:06:48
  Eric: Do whales sleep?
• 1:06:49
  Eric: Oh, we're no, okay.
• 1:06:51
  Eric: I'm s I can see the precipice of this tangent, and I'm just gonna back away from the ledge.
• 1:06:55
  Matt: You know, we better it's best.
• 1:06:57
  Matt: I'm gonna back away from the ledge.
• 1:06:59
  Matt: What?
• 1:06:59
  Eric: Uh so animal dream haunting is a possibility.
• 1:07:02
  Eric: Okay, let me hit let me let me approach this from a slightly different angle.
• 1:07:04
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:07:05
  Eric: Let's assume that haunting dreams is off the table.
• 1:07:07
  Eric: Haunting dreams is off the table.
• 1:07:09
  Eric: Killing in dreams is off the table.
• 1:07:11
  Eric: So what is something what is another vocation that he can get?
• 1:07:15
  Eric: Sleep therapist?
• 1:07:16
  Eric: Because he knows like if something's fucking you up, he knows what it is.
• 1:07:22
  Matt: That's true.
• 1:07:23
  Matt: That's true.
• 1:07:24
  Matt: Well, okay.
• 1:07:26
  Matt: If he Okay, I think you're on to something here.
• 1:07:29
  Matt: If he see he know he know what he does know is what makes people tick and what he can exploit to terrify them.
• 1:07:38
  Matt: But by knowing that, he also knows what can comfort them.
• 1:07:42
  Matt: Yes!
• 1:07:43
  Eric: Yeah, oh, and like, ooh, okay.
• 1:07:46
  Eric: Not in like the motivational speaker, but like the the tough love exposure kind of therapy.
• 1:07:53
  Eric: Straight up like people go to him, they're like, Look, I have an irrational fear of spiders.
• 1:07:58
  Eric: And Freddie's just like, I got you.
• 1:08:00
  Eric: He's in the dream with them.
• 1:08:01
  Eric: He's like, I'm spiders, Dan.
• 1:08:03
  Eric: What are you gonna do?
• 1:08:04
  Eric: You gonna run away?
• 1:08:05
  Eric: Or are you gonna stomp some spiders?
• 1:08:06
  Eric: And he helps Dan get the fuck over spiders.
• 1:08:09
  Matt: Can he help me get over spiders?
• 1:08:11
  Eric: Hopefully.
• 1:08:11
  Eric: And I think this is kind of a win-win because Freddie torture people in dreams, but eventually they overcome that hurdle.
• 1:08:21
  Eric: Like he gets them past that fear.
• 1:08:23
  Eric: He's like, fish your fears! And they do it, and then they go to their friends and they say, Hey, I got a guy.
• 1:08:30
  Eric: You have to book a session with him.
• 1:08:32
  Eric: And it's just beautiful, vicious cycle.
• 1:08:35
  Matt: I like this for Freddie.
• 1:08:36
  Eric: I I like this for Freddy.
• 1:08:38
  Eric: It it's doing the right thing for the wrong reasons because he gets something out of it.
• 1:08:42
  Eric: Like he enjoys making people a friend.
• 1:08:44
  Matt: Does he still have the glove or does he hang it up?
• 1:08:47
  Eric: Ooh.
• 1:08:48
  Eric: I I think he I think he keeps it on his desk like a baseball mitt.
• 1:08:52
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 1:08:52
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:08:53
  Eric: It's holding, it's holding like the baseball that like the company.
• 1:08:56
  Matt: Like a little mannequin hand.
• 1:08:57
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 1:08:58
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 1:08:59
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:08:59
  Matt: I like this for Freddie.
• 1:09:00
  Eric: I like this for Freddie.
• 1:09:01
  Eric: I want the I want the best.
• 1:09:03
  Eric: Well, okay, considering Freddy's backstory, I don't want the best for him, but I want for for scary, for scary boys who murdered people.
• 1:09:10
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:09:11
  Eric: I like to imagine wholesome endings.
• 1:09:13
  Matt: Well, I, you know, I think um I think we've given him a nice out.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think we've given him a nice out.
• 1:09:19
  Matt: Now, I think didn't you mention to me you specifically wanted to talk about um uh Pinhead and uh the Hellraiser series, and I have to admit, I don't I don't really know anything about you've never seen Hellraiser.
• 1:09:32
  Matt: I've never seen any Hellraiser I've never seen Hell Risen.
• 1:09:35
  Eric: Alright.
• 1:09:36
  Eric: Let's let's back the fuck up.
• 1:09:39
  Eric: Um Hellraiser, the basic premise.
• 1:09:42
  SPEAKER_04: And it was at this point that Eric proceeded to explain in great detail the entire plot of Hellraiser to Matthew.
• 1:10:02
  Eric: But they could be angels, but they're like angels of hell and they're it's also important to note that by the time we get to like Hellraiser nine or ten, like their the centibytes aren't even in it.
• 1:10:22
  Eric: It's basically uh it's nine or ten like a procedural at this point.
• 1:10:26
  Eric: There's a bunch of Hellraisers.
• 1:10:27
  Eric: Oh god, they they basically they became like not even straight to TV, like straight to to fucking Roku box, like their exclusive movies, the weirdest like the Hallmark channel equivalent of horror movies.
• 1:10:42
  Eric: They became crime procedural movies that they slapped the Hellraiser name onto, and you never even got to see anyone get ripped apart by spike chains.
• 1:10:51
  Eric: It's kind of fucked up.
• 1:10:52
  SPEAKER_04: So, what's even the point at that point?
• 1:10:53
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:10:54
  Eric: So Pinhead is not uh he has physical form.
• 1:10:58
  Eric: I don't think he can be killed or harmed.
• 1:11:01
  Eric: Got a bunch of nails in his face.
• 1:11:02
  Matt: So Well, you're the expert here.
• 1:11:04
  Matt: What do you think happens to our friend Pinhead?
• 1:11:06
  SPEAKER_07: For Pinhead, I don't know the man.
• 1:11:08
  Eric: Here's the thing I don't think Pinhead need needs to retire.
• 1:11:11
  Eric: I think Pinhead is living his best self.
• 1:11:14
  Eric: Oh, just as is as is.
• 1:11:15
  Eric: He's living the dream.
• 1:11:16
  Eric: This is what he wants, and he's getting it every single day.
• 1:11:20
  Eric: And it's not like there's gonna be any shortage of people going to hell in the near future.
• 1:11:26
  Matt: Oh no, if anything, it's uh business is a boom for wonderful for the underworld for old Pinhead.
• 1:11:32
  Matt: Yeah, the River Sticks is just clogged with boats going across.
• 1:11:37
  Matt: But we can't we can't linger on that because we have other people to talk to.
• 1:11:41
  Matt: Like uh don't we want to check in with Chucky, for example?
• 1:11:46
  Eric: And this actually brings me to my question.
• 1:11:48
  Eric: I do so which of these, of anyone, it doesn't even have to be anyone we've mentioned so far, who fucked you up the most as a kid?
• 1:11:55
  Matt: Well, I uh I really liked Michael Myers, but I like liked Michael Myers.
• 1:12:01
  Matt: I think Chucky kind of.
• 1:12:02
  Eric: Chucky, Chucky hands down, fucked me up the most.
• 1:12:04
  Eric: And I and I think I've told you the story before, but when I was like less than 10 years old, my brother had a Chucky doll put it on top of my chest while I was sleeping.
• 1:12:14
  SPEAKER_03: Oh no.
• 1:12:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:12:18
  Eric: That's like Oh no.
• 1:12:20
  Eric: Chucky fucked me up on a visceral level, no exaggeration, no like hyperbole, probably until I was well into high school.
• 1:12:29
  Matt: Well, I I mean, if you had a ch if you woke up with a Chucky on your person, I I'm surprised you're still speaking.
• 1:12:37
  Eric: My brother was very good at terrifying pranks.
• 1:12:40
  Eric: Not physically harmful, never physically harmed me to any great extent.
• 1:12:45
  Matt: He was damn good at scaring the shit out of me.
• 1:12:48
  Matt: Well, you know, we all have our talents.
• 1:12:51
  Eric: And to his credit, I was terrified of everything.
• 1:12:54
  Matt: Well, and look at you now, you're a fierce fearless and fearsome warrior.
• 1:13:00
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:13:00
  Eric: Oh, oh, oh dear.
• 1:13:02
  Eric: Um so Chucky.
• 1:13:04
  Eric: Uh Chucky can retire.
• 1:13:05
  Matt: I think I don't see why he wouldn't be able to he are he's already done the other life steps.
• 1:13:10
  Matt: He's gotten married, he's had a spawn.
• 1:13:12
  Matt: Yeah, he's do he's he, if anything, he's following a very traditional life path.
• 1:13:17
  Eric: Yeah, I think he becomes like I yeah, I think his retirement path is is like we read sad stories about Chucky and like tabloids.
• 1:13:26
  Matt: Oh, you think he becomes like a has been?
• 1:13:28
  Eric: Yeah, not even so much a has been, he just becomes everyone's favorite dumpster fire.
• 1:13:32
  Eric: Like, man, dude's got talent, but Jesus fucking Christ.
• 1:13:35
  Matt: Oh wow.
• 1:13:36
  Matt: So you read him about him in the star.
• 1:13:39
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:13:40
  Eric: Like he's the dumpster fire we're all warming our hands with in 2020.
• 1:13:46
  Eric: Like, nothing sad, just like, oh, oh, there he goes again.
• 1:13:50
  Eric: Like, you know, he drove a car into a dumpster.
• 1:13:53
  Eric: He he punched a priest.
• 1:13:57
  Matt: Well, that's sort of his MO to begin with.
• 1:13:59
  Eric: I know, but he's not killing anymore.
• 1:14:01
  Matt: He's just he's just making mistakes.
• 1:14:03
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:14:04
  Eric: He blows, he blows through all-I think he gets a size of like he's celebrity status.
• 1:14:08
  Eric: I think he has a sizable fortune.
• 1:14:10
  Eric: I think he pisses through it in a few years.
• 1:14:13
  Matt: Yeah, he's just like getting DUIs left and right.
• 1:14:16
  Eric: The leak of that video of Chucky getting pulled over in his little power wheel.
• 1:14:21
  Eric: He's got just like a line of coke under his nose.
• 1:14:24
  Matt: I was putting him in a real car.
• 1:14:26
  Matt: You want to put him in a power wheel?
• 1:14:27
  Eric: Oh, I want to put a power wheel so bad.
• 1:14:29
  Eric: Though in a real car with like the the phone books, and that's why he's getting pulled, he's got the phone books on the pedals.
• 1:14:36
  Matt: He's got he's got like one like grabber type thing that he's got pointed down at the pedals.
• 1:14:42
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 1:14:42
  Eric: Uh and he's like, the copulzer is like, uh, do you know how fast?
• 1:14:47
  Eric: He's like, Do you know who the fuck I am?
• 1:14:50
  Eric: And like, he's like, I'll kill you.
• 1:14:52
  Eric: And like it's it's like the cops laughing at him while he's like swinging his little knife.
• 1:14:57
  Eric: Can you imagine putting handcuffs on Chucky?
• 1:14:59
  Matt: Oh, I bet that cop delighted him.
• 1:15:01
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 1:15:02
  Matt: He calls in back up to humiliate Chucky.
• 1:15:04
  Eric: Oh, they're all laughing at Chucky.
• 1:15:07
  Matt: And that probably sets us up for a redemption arc sequel series.
• 1:15:11
  Matt: Oh, do we get Did we accidentally bring him out of retirement?
• 1:15:16
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:15:17
  Eric: Well, no.
• 1:15:18
  Eric: I'm I'm I'm now imagining Chucky goes to prison.
• 1:15:22
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:15:23
  Eric: Chucky goes to prison.
• 1:15:25
  SPEAKER_06: The weakest of the child plays.
• 1:15:27
  SPEAKER_06: Yes.
• 1:15:28
  SPEAKER_06: The weakest of the child's plays.
• 1:15:29
  Eric: Chucky does well, okay.
• 1:15:32
  Eric: Philosophical question, Matthew.
• 1:15:34
  Eric: Does Chucky go to prison or does Chucky go to juvie?
• 1:15:37
  Matt: I think he's tried as an adult.
• 1:15:44
  Matt: I think giving the gravity of his crimes, he's tried as an adult.
• 1:15:48
  Eric: Okay, that's fair.
• 1:15:49
  Eric: He's tried as an adult.
• 1:15:50
  Eric: He goes to prison.
• 1:15:52
  Eric: Do we have like a Shawshank type situation?
• 1:15:55
  Eric: And this is me.
• 1:15:57
  Eric: Did you just hear that?
• 1:15:58
  Eric: That's me smacking the thematic ball into your court.
• 1:16:03
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:16:04
  Matt: Uh uh, I will take it and run with it.
• 1:16:07
  Matt: Who is the red of his Shawshank redemption?
• 1:16:11
  Eric: Is it Jigsaw?
• 1:16:13
  Matt: Oh, it is definitely Jigsaw.
• 1:16:15
  Matt: It is definitely Jigsaw.
• 1:16:16
  Eric: He just sits out in the fucking yard with his puppet.
• 1:16:18
  Eric: It's like the actual guy's like, I can get you anything you want.
• 1:16:22
  SPEAKER_05: I didn't think much of Chucky when he first arrived at Shawshank.
• 1:16:26
  SPEAKER_05: I remember the first time I saw Chucky.
• 1:16:29
  SPEAKER_05: I I thought a stiff breeze would blow him over.
• 1:16:32
  SPEAKER_05: I thought to myself, what is he willing to do to get what he wants?
• 1:16:37
  SPEAKER_09: It's so good.
• 1:16:38
  SPEAKER_09: It's so good.
• 1:16:39
  SPEAKER_09: Oh, that shit writes itself.
• 1:16:42
  Matt: Yeah, this is good.
• 1:16:43
  Matt: So Jigsaw, like, uh you know, can you imagine some of those lines for just a minute as Jigsaw gets yo jig yo yo jiggy.
• 1:16:50
  SPEAKER_04: They call him Jiggy.
• 1:16:52
  SPEAKER_04: Chucky crawled his way to freedom through 500 yards of shit-smelling foulness.
• 1:16:57
  SPEAKER_04: I won't even begin to imagine.
• 1:17:01
  Eric: Holy shit, it's such a good crossover! Like the Shosshank experience, that's the Jigsaw puzzle.
• 1:17:08
  Eric: Jigsaw framed him.
• 1:17:10
  Eric: And basically, that's the twist.
• 1:17:13
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 1:17:14
  Matt: Oh, ooh, ooh.
• 1:17:15
  Matt: So the twist is it's setting you up that everything's gonna go exactly the way Shosshank went.
• 1:17:20
  Matt: He Chucky puts up a poster of, I'm gonna say, just like Miss Piggy.
• 1:17:28
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:17:29
  Matt: He puts up like a poster of Miss Piggy.
• 1:17:31
  Matt: He's chipping away at the at the wall.
• 1:17:34
  Matt: He's putting the wall out in the yard.
• 1:17:36
  Matt: He's doing all the things.
• 1:17:38
  Matt: But at the end of the day, once that's built, it's Jigsaw who goes out the hole.
• 1:17:43
  Matt: It's Jigsaw that is.
• 1:17:45
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, oh, uses Chucky.
• 1:17:47
  Eric: Ooh, ooh.
• 1:17:47
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:17:48
  Eric: So yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:17:49
  Eric: Yeah, he waits for Chucky to dig the tunnel.
• 1:17:50
  Eric: Chucky crawls 500 yards of of shit.
• 1:17:55
  SPEAKER_04: Shit smelling foulness, I won't even begin to imagine.
• 1:17:58
  Eric: He gets to the end of his shit tunnel, finds new bars installed, and a little TV plate.
• 1:18:04
  Eric: Like there's a little TV, it turns on, and like Jigsaw tricycles out into the videos is hello Chucky.
• 1:18:11
  SPEAKER_05: You made the wrong choice.
• 1:18:13
  Eric: And then you see another shit tunnel that fucking Jigsaw's climbing out of as Chucky, like, nah!
• 1:18:19
  Matt: Oh no, no, no.
• 1:18:20
  Matt: Better, better, but what about this?
• 1:18:21
  Matt: What so the You made the wrong choice, I'm afraid.
• 1:18:25
  Matt: And so Billy, I believe that's the name of the puppet.
• 1:18:28
  Matt: Billy like tricycles his ass away, and then you just see like a floodgate open up and just a full stream of shit.
• 1:18:38
  SPEAKER_04: Oh man, it's Chucky.
• 1:18:40
  SPEAKER_05: What are you willing to do, Chucky?
• 1:18:41
  Eric: And Chucky can get out through the bars provided he saws his fucking arm off.
• 1:18:47
  Eric: He can fit.
• 1:18:47
  Eric: Wow.
• 1:18:48
  Eric: Provided he saws his fucking arm off.
• 1:18:50
  Matt: This is a fucking hit movie, Eric.
• 1:18:52
  Matt: Wow.
• 1:18:53
  Matt: And we accidentally provided a retirement plan for Jigsix.
• 1:18:57
  Eric: I think I call that a slam dunk.
• 1:19:01
  Matt: That's what we call a double whammy.
• 1:19:03
  Matt: And you know what?
• 1:19:04
  Matt: I I'm all about commitment.
• 1:19:05
  Matt: And that is why I am an Eagle Scout.
• 1:19:08
  Matt: Now, let's transition.
• 1:19:10
  SPEAKER_07: Check Scouts.
• 1:19:13
  Matt: Okay, now that we've I feel like we've that's a good bookend.
• 1:19:16
  Matt: That is a very good bookend.
• 1:19:17
  Matt: To close up our main segment, I think we've successfully answered what happens to these people in their retirement.
• 1:19:23
  Matt: Should we uh should we do a quick uh weird news and call it a day?
• 1:19:28
  Eric: Yeah, I absolutely let's do this.
• 1:19:30
  Matt: Well, I've got one actually that is very much on my mind.
• 1:19:34
  Matt: Uh it has been in the news uh recently.
• 1:19:38
  Matt: Hit me with it, uh it was just wrapped up um uh uh at this point when the episode comes out, it would have been what wrapped up a couple of weeks ago.
• 1:19:47
  Matt: And that would be the Kat May National Park and Preserves annual Fat Bear Week that they do in Alaska.
• 1:19:57
  Matt: It brings me such great joy.
• 1:19:59
  Matt: Uh they do this to bring uh awareness to bear conservation and the park in general.
• 1:20:07
  Matt: It's got a good cause, and yet it is a March Madness style bracket between how fat these bears got as they prepare for hibernation.
• 1:20:16
  Matt: I love it.
• 1:20:17
  Matt: Uh and so this comes from the USA today.
• 1:20:22
  Matt: Uh and it's called Who's the Fattest?
• 1:20:26
  Matt: Earl of Aver DuPois Bear 747 beats Chunk in Fat Bear Week 2020 Championship.
• 1:20:34
  Matt: Is it Aver DuPois and not like French like I made it?
• 1:20:39
  Matt: That sounds good.
• 1:20:40
  Matt: DuPois.
• 1:20:41
  Matt: Let's call it DuPoise and let's get right into it.
• 1:20:43
  SPEAKER_07: Let's get right into the fucking.
• 1:20:44
  Matt: Who is the fattest of them all?
• 1:20:46
  Matt: After a week of voting, Southwest Alaska's Katmai National Park and Preserve has named Bear 747 the winner of Fat Bear Week 2020.
• 1:20:56
  Matt: The annual bracket style tournament celebrates the success of the pre-hibernation preparations by bears at Brooks River in Katmai National Park.
• 1:21:06
  Matt: The park asks social media followers to vote on which Husky Hibernator is the fattest bear by voting on their website between September 30th and October 6th.
• 1:21:17
  Matt: The park has been keeping voters up to date on the competition's developments via social media.
• 1:21:23
  Matt: The 2020 finalists were t number 32, chunk, and 747.
• 1:21:29
  Matt: The park tweeted, the votes are in.
• 1:21:32
  Matt: You've crowned the Earl of Averdupoy, bear 747, the 2020 Fat Bear Week champion.
• 1:21:40
  Matt: No longer the runner-up.
• 1:21:41
  Matt: 747 fulfills the fate of the fat and fabulous as he heads off into hibernation.
• 1:21:49
  Matt: And that's a real tweet.
• 1:21:50
  SPEAKER_02: Bless 747.
• 1:21:52
  Matt: The competition's website says that 747 appears to weigh at least 1400 pounds and has become one of the most dominant bears at Brooks Falls.
• 1:22:05
  Matt: Quote, he's found most often in the jacuzzi or the far pool, read 747's online biography.
• 1:22:13
  Matt: Only rival males of comparable size, of which there are very few, can challenge him for fishing spots.
• 1:22:22
  Matt: I think 747 sounds like a national hero.
• 1:22:26
  Eric: 747 is what I aspire to.
• 1:22:30
  Matt: What else could you aspire to?
• 1:22:31
  Eric: Nothing.
• 1:22:32
  Eric: Literally nothing.
• 1:22:34
  Matt: So that is that's my weird news.
• 1:22:35
  Matt: What do you have, Eric?
• 1:22:36
  Eric: Okay, so back by popular demand.
• 1:22:40
  Eric: And by popular, I mean 100% of our fan requests for weird news have been.
• 1:22:46
  SPEAKER_04: The one we got.
• 1:22:47
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:22:48
  Eric: The the singular one we got have been for more readings from the Canistoda Clipper.
• 1:22:54
  Matt: And what do you have for us from the Clipper?
• 1:22:56
  Eric: Uh what's the clip?
• 1:22:57
  Eric: So I assume that's the tag.
• 1:22:58
  Eric: Yeah, this is the newspaper, uh, newspaper of Canistota, South Dakota.
• 1:23:03
  Eric: Specifically, uh an update on the tail light, which is the grade school news uh news stories from the local elementary school.
• 1:23:12
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:23:13
  Eric: This week we're we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna do two check-ins.
• 1:23:16
  Eric: We're gonna check back in with the second grade news.
• 1:23:19
  Eric: So this is this is the happenings um in second grade right now.
• 1:23:24
  Eric: Well, not right now, in 1960 uh March uh of 1965 in Canis Dota, South Dakota.
• 1:23:31
  SPEAKER_02: We have drawn robins and meadowlarks for our bulletin board.
• 1:23:37
  SPEAKER_02: We also have a bird book where we write our names when we've seen any spring bird.
• 1:23:44
  SPEAKER_02: We have seen robins and meadowlarks so far.
• 1:23:48
  SPEAKER_02: Some have seen Dark.
• 1:23:51
  SPEAKER_02: We all have new readers since we finished quote more friends and neighbors by Scott for Esmond and Company.
• 1:24:02
  SPEAKER_02: We have a new bunch of books from the bookmobile.
• 1:24:06
  SPEAKER_02: We enjoy reading these books very much.
• 1:24:10
  SPEAKER_02: Deborah McKay fell outside and hurt her knee.
• 1:24:14
  SPEAKER_02: Some stitches had to be taken to close the wound.
• 1:24:21
  Eric: And in third grade news, Joel Kirchner missed school because of illness.
• 1:24:26
  Eric: He had the measles.
• 1:24:28
  SPEAKER_06: Okay, wait a minute.
• 1:24:29
  Matt: Why is second grade the Donner Party and third grade a a morning announcement in high school?
• 1:24:37
  Eric: Because the second graders, like, of the grades, put the most shit into their news.
• 1:24:42
  Eric: Like the the other ones are all like, man, man.
• 1:24:44
  Eric: Clearly.
• 1:24:45
  Eric: We had cupcakes.
• 1:24:46
  Eric: And then again, second graders are laying their shit out on the line, Matthew.
• 1:24:52
  Matt: Well, I I I respect them for it.
• 1:24:54
  Matt: And then you know what?
• 1:24:55
  Matt: I respect us for laying it on the line.
• 1:24:57
  Matt: Two episodes in the books now.
• 1:24:59
  Matt: Oh, we did it.
• 1:25:01
  Matt: We done did it.
• 1:25:02
  Matt: We did it.
• 1:25:03
  Matt: Uh, I we had we had previously asked our people uh to send in taglines for us.
• 1:25:09
  Matt: We did get one.
• 1:25:12
  Matt: Um, and I think we should I I think you can feel free to still send it already.
• 1:25:17
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 1:25:17
  Eric: Please send us more taglines.
• 1:25:18
  Eric: If we could end every episode with like a different tagline, that'd be pretty dope.
• 1:25:23
  Matt: Maybe we're going that way.
• 1:25:24
  Matt: Uh so Maureen Yoder, uh, friend of the pod and good friend of mine, submitted you didn't ask for this, but now you don't have to.
• 1:25:32
  Matt: That's pretty solid.
• 1:25:33
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:25:34
  Matt: I I also like the direction it's going of like, you didn't ask, but now you know.
• 1:25:40
  Matt: Hey, that's pretty good.
• 1:25:41
  Matt: That's good.
• 1:25:41
  Matt: I I just that that was a spin-off thought.
• 1:25:44
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:25:44
  Matt: Send us your taglines, but more importantly, send us your questions.
• 1:25:48
  Matt: We want your weird debates.
• 1:25:50
  Matt: We want And just reach deep.
• 1:25:51
  Eric: Reach deep, my babies.
• 1:25:53
  Matt: Your deep, dark musings.
• 1:25:54
  Eric: Oh my god, your most twisted.
• 1:25:56
  Eric: Well, yeah, just it's 2020.
• 1:25:59
  Eric: Just take the breaks off.
• 1:26:00
  Matt: Take those breaks off and send them over to you didn't ask for this at gmail.com or just uh drop us a line at you didn't ask pod on both Instagram and Twitter.
• 1:26:11
  Matt: That is the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram and Twitter.
• 1:26:15
  Matt: Yeah, especially you know, Twitter, we only have like one follower on Twitter, so like give share some love on the tweet on the tweets, on the tweet field.
• 1:26:24
  Matt: Nobody calls it that.
• 1:26:25
  Matt: It's time to end.
• 1:26:26
  Matt: So for all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
• 1:26:30
  Matt: Oh, the whole staff.
• 1:26:31
  Matt: All of us.
• 1:26:32
  SPEAKER_03: The staff, the board of directors.
• 1:26:34
  SPEAKER_03: I speak on behalf of myself and the staff.
• 1:26:37
  SPEAKER_03: I want to be clear, I'm speaking for all employees and volunteers.
• 1:26:43
  Eric: Every one of us here, paid, unpaid, interns, temps, all of them.
• 1:26:51
  Eric: All of us.
• 1:26:54
  Matt: Contractual employees, seasonal, seasonal.
• 1:26:59
  Matt: God damn it.
• 1:27:01
  SPEAKER_06: What are we doing?
• 1:27:02
  SPEAKER_06: What has happened to this podcast?
• 1:27:04
  SPEAKER_06: For everybody, you didn't ask for this.
• 1:27:07
  SPEAKER_06: My name's Matt Shay.
• 1:27:08
  SPEAKER_06: I am Eric Poach.
• 1:27:10
  Matt: You didn't ask.
• 1:27:11
  Matt: But now you know.
• 1:27:12
  Matt: Hey, that feels pretty good, doesn't it?
• 1:27:14
  Matt: We'll see you in two weeks, everybody.
• 1:27:16
  Matt: See you.
• 1:27:16
  Eric: Bye, babies.
• 1:27:17
  Eric: Love you.
• 1:27:18
  Eric: So so are there scalp?
• 1:27:23
  Eric: Are there scout yes?
• 1:27:26
  SPEAKER_07: I don't think I've seen a scalp.