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From Boys to Men: The Power of Masculine Energy with the Divine Feminine · The Diva Details

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details
• 0:05
  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits.
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  Just fearless conversations to help you thrive. Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
• 0:32
  Well, hello, Diva Cat. Hello, Diva Mia. How you doing? Good.
• 0:36
  I'm good. I'm good. You having a good time?
• 0:39
  Yeah, I'm having a good time. Weekend was great. I didn't do as much as you did.
• 0:43
  I did do some landscaping. Oh, my God. I was going to brag about my two little
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  azela bush. I'm not going to say that anymore. No.
• 0:51
  No. Well, I do need to tell you the story about my landscaping project.
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  What happened? So I was actually working, planting some trees.
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  Okay. And my youngest son, he's eight. Uh-huh. He came out to help me. That's awesome.
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  It was wonderful. So we planted some trees together.
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  And then he goes, Mom, am I done now? Because we were wrapping up.
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  I said, yeah, honey, you can go inside and take a shower.
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  Okay. I go, but thank you for helping me. I really appreciate you.
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  And you know what he said to me?
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  What? He said, strong men help their women. Oh, you've done something right.
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  He said strong men help their women.
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  And, you know, that's the thing is I think in our society we've lost masculine men.
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  I think so. And men got lazy not for nothing.
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  Well, you know what? I don't think it helped that women kind of demasculated them.
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  And it's kind of funny because now women want their men back and they're nowhere to be found. I agree.
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  We wanted like equal part, but now we need to make a man muscular take charge again, I think.
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  Well, they don't have to always take charge, but I think they do need to lead.
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  And we're finding a lot of beta boys or a lot of flowery boys that are more
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  concerned at being metrosexual, if you will, than actually being a strong leader.
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  I agree. There's a lot of it out there right now.
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  Yesterday when he said that, I was so happy. That's awesome.
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  You know, because I want to raise a strong man.
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  Yes. I want to raise two strong men, actually.
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  I think it's important women. even if you're a single mom like I am.
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  That we raise strong children. Yes.
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  Because this world is not easy out there for people, whether it's male or female. Yeah, I know.
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  That's, it's actually, I'm actually feel, feel very, very concerned about our
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  boys going to grow up in the next society. What do you think? I agree.
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  It's, it's a tough thing to do to be in a world where, you know,
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  men have been beat up on so much.
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  I don't care whether they're white, black, brown, or purple.
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  Yes. But men have really had a rough time. They do.
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  And I understand that there is what's called toxic masculinity,
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  but masculinity, quite frankly, is not toxic.
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  No. There's toxic people that have behaved badly, but being masculine is not toxic.
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  No, it's not. I think we need to interpret that in different way. Yes.
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  I think there's a difference between strength and masculinity and control.
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  And when it becomes toxic is when someone tries to control another person and dominate them.
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  And typically, the people that are doing that are very insecure. I agree.
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  Because a true masculine man is there to support his woman, and a true feminine
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  woman is there to support her man. I agree.
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  You do? Yes, yes, yes. Because the women who try, I think go both ways.
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  The women who try to show the strong muscular, try to be in control,
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  that just show another side of insecurity.
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  As well it does you agree i do
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  and i think that for a long time women
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  wanted to be seen as we can do anything men
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  can do right the problem is now men are
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  saying they can do anything we can do and now there's men and
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  women's sports yeah you're right
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  the thing is is that we said we could do anything men
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  can do and to a point we can't anything mentally we
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  can't i'm not saying i can lift as much as a man because physically
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  i'm not capable i can do a lot i
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  can i can program computers i can do things with technology
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  i can do a lot of things men can do however when
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  i come home i want a man to
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  be a man and a woman to be a woman that's i agree you
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  know i just saw some joke on instagram they say i'm
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  all about being woman independent until i have car
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  trouble you know i actually can work on my own car so that wouldn't
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  bother me either are you really oh my god no that's
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  me i don't know how to change my tire you know it was funny yesterday i
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  saw this really good looking man uh-huh he was
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  in a jeep and i have a jeep as well and he was pulled over uh-huh because his
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  battery died okay and so i rolled my down my window and i said do you need to
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  jump he was so hot let me tell you anyway he was so cute yummy is the word for
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  him he wasn't just hot and cute. He was yummy.
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  He was like maybe 45 to 50.
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  He had that total, you know. Is it a dimples? He had dimples. Oh, do I love dimples.
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  Anyway, so he was good looking, but he's like, no, I got this.
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  He had one of those batteries that charges itself. Otherwise I would have helped
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  him work on his car. Oh my God. And then some. Oh my God. He was good looking.
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  He was totally a silver fox. That's awesome. Yes.
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  Anyway, let's get back to masculinity. So masculinity, I think, is misunderstood.
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  And sometimes it's feared. Yeah, I think so. I think it's wonderful when a man
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  is strong. I don't think it's wonderful when a man is violent.
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  Those are two different things. Those are completely two different things.
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  And quite frankly, the ladies, the men that are violent are not very masculine. They're not masculine.
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  They're insecure little boys. Yes.
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  And what we're talking about today is when boys become men.
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  Right. Because not all men have gotten out of the boy stage.
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  And there's a lot of men that act like men, but they're still little boys.
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  They're disrespectful to women.
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  They hurt women. And that is not masculine.
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  No, that's not masculine. That just shows insecure and violence. That's true.
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  And true masculinity complements a woman and complements femininity.
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  It doesn't compete with it. Right.
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  And true femininity complements a man and doesn't compete with it.
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  No. When you're in a true partnership and a true relationship with a balanced
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  feminine and masculine, you complement each other. You don't compete against each other.
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  When you come home, I think women still be women and men still be men when you
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  come home. It doesn't matter what you do out there for your living or whatever.
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  It doesn't. And the traditional roles of the man has to sit on the couch drinking
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  a beer and the woman sits there and cooks and cleans and does laundry.
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  That doesn't exist anymore.
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  No, those days are over. Those days are over. We balance each other.
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  That doesn't mean that i'm not a woman and he's not a man we have definite roles
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  right you have to work together you have to work together and you complement
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  each other and you lean on each other,
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  and one of the beautiful things about women is sometimes we're more emotional not always.
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  I'm emotional but we bear to support our man when he needs to get emotional
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  yes when we need someone strong,
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  We're there. They're there to support us when we need their strength.
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  Yeah. All I know is my men, when they're sick, they are babies. Yes. And that's OK.
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  Men are, I will say men are a lot more babyish when they're sick than women.
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  You think so, too? I agree. Yes. I think that's because of our,
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  you know, moms are always the one that takes care of everybody.
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  I think that's that might be genetic. I don't know.
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  Yeah. That's a mom thing, I think. Yes. Yeah. So a true masculine man has got
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  leadership without the ego.
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  Yes, it's true, right? So they're going to provide direction for the family
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  and the household, but they're not going to control the family and the household.
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  They're going to say, this is what I think should be done. Now,
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  do you always have to do what a masculine man says?
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  No, no. I always say trust, but verify in life.
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  And you can trust a man to a certain point, but you better verify it.
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  Now, I was married to kind of a beta boy, if you will, someone that was a boy and not a man.
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  I tried so many times to push him into the role and that was my mistake.
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  And I relied on him and I let him make decisions that I knew he wasn't capable of.
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  And I kept trying to push and trying to make him have more financial sense and
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  make him more of the primary breadwinner. And it just didn't work.
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  And it got us into financial difficulty whenever
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  i would rely on him so then what happened i
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  had to take on more of the masculine role myself just to
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  keep the family afloat yeah so when you
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  marry a man that's a boy or says he's a man or axe tries to you know he's got
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  the he was all ego too and is not masculine someone that's all ego is not masculine
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  ladies yeah when you marry someone like that you're going to end up paying the
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  price because you're going to be the one that's stepping into the roles because
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  they won't be able to keep up.
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  You have to take in charge, I think. But either way, can you accept who they are, though?
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  Yes, I could accept who he was, but it wasn't a good fit for me. Oh, I see.
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  Right? So other people, you may marry someone that's more beta and you're okay with that.
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  Right. But I'm looking for someone that's got more of a masculine personality,
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  someone that's strong, someone that protects me
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  when i'm hurt that stands up for me i actually
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  have a friend it was kind of funny when i was in the hospital i was telling
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  him what was happening he was like defending me and stepping up for me and i
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  was like that's masculine right right i never got that before and it was interesting
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  because i was like wow that's a masculine personality and it's nice to see.
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  I'm a strong, independent woman, but I'm not a pushy, I'm still a people pleaser a little bit.
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  So I don't necessarily get up in people's face and I'm very non-confrontational.
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  So when he was stepping up for me, I had some respect there.
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  The light bulb just blinged in your head. It did.
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  It's interesting when you start dating again, the things you see in certain
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  people that you want in your future partner.
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  Yeah, you have all the checkmarts. What you do, you don't, you don't,
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  because you don't want to go back to where you were, that's why.
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  And a real masculine man will protect you and take care of you when you're injured.
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  Yes. And a real masculine man will protect you even if you're not his. Yes.
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  And that's the thing. I've seen masculine men that step up, they open doors for women.
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  They protect women. If a woman is getting beat up by someone,
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  a masculine man, even if he doesn't even know the woman, would step in and break
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  it up, right? They will wait for you. They protect all women. Yes.
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  And masculine men, we need more of them right now.
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  We need ladies out there, if you're listening, we need you to raise masculine men.
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  We need you to raise men because the reality is masculine men come from strong women. Definitely.
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  It's great when they can have a father figure that's strong and masculine to
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  follow, but a strong woman can create a strong masculine man.
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  That's respectful to women. you don't have to be married.
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  You don't have to have a strong masculine man in the house to raise a strong
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  masculine child that will grow up to be a real man.
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  Yeah, I agree. I agree.
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  As a woman and as a mother, I think, I have a boy myself, I have,
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  you know, 16 years old, and I try to work on very hard for him to stay.
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  To be a man to strong men. We're getting there, though.
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  Yep, you're getting there. It's a process. It's a process. So one of the things
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  you have to teach your man, your little child, is respect women. Yes.
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  And that's core. And if you teach your child to respect women,
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  that will go a long way in the future for them to find a really good wife, too. Yes, they do.
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  Now, when I say respect women, that doesn't mean roll over for everything a
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  woman says and be Mr. Agreeable. That's not respect.
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  That's actually the anti-respect. Because if a man I'm with rolls over for everything
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  I say and agrees with everything I say, that's not a great relationship.
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  I don't think so. Because some
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  of the time they just roll with you because they don't want to work on it.
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  They just want to just agree with you. Correct. You know? Correct.
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  Yeah. And already too. Yeah. You don't want that. No. The other thing a masculine
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  man has is emotional mastery.
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  What is that? Well, they're not repressing their feelings, but they they know
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  how to express themselves.
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  OK. They don't necessarily have to be overly emotional and crying and,
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  you know, but when they feel a certain way, they'll tell you about it,
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  especially if there's something strong.
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  They're not going to sit there and just take abuse from you.
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  If you're if you're being dictatorial or not being respectful to the man, he'll tell you.
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  Oh, OK. In a nice way, not a controlling way, but he'll say,
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  I don't like the way this happened. I would appreciate it if in the future you
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  did this, this, and this. Now, it's a conversation.
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  As a woman, you still, you have to listen, open your mind. You need to listen
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  because that means they're in touch with their emotions.
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  And if they get emotional mastery, that's a great masculine man.
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  That is a great point. They know how to communicate.
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  They know how to discuss without fighting, without yelling, and without too
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  much of an argument. Uh-huh.
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  I always know I'm in trouble when my husband was like, quiet, can we talk a little bit?
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  I was like, oh, shoot, what did I do? My credit card overloaded? What did I do?
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  You know, I did meet your man. He was very masculine. Yeah, he's awesome.
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  You got a good one there. You think so? I think so. I worked hard.
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  I know you did. And you waited. Actually, I waited. Oh, my God.
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  You waited. She waited for her man.
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  37, I didn't. She was 37 when she got married. So she waited a long time.
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  I can't marry till 42. Oh, that's right. I met at 37. Met at 37.
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  You can wait. You could wait. Definitely. I could.
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  Ladies, definitely you could wait and don't settle for less,
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  which is my previous relationship was not.
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  Exactly what we just talked about, the masculine. He thinks he's a masculine, but he is not masculine.
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  Your husband is. Your previous relationship was not. No.
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  Your previous relationship was kind of narcissistic and controlling,
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  all about his ego and his insecurity.
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  And that's what we see a lot in boys. And that's how boys are.
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  Right. He is a boy. They're a boy. They are a boy. They were not raised properly.
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  And it really does matter how the mom raises the boy.
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  Yeah, I agree. Oh, my God. Now it's just like, don't on me. It's all about us,
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  ladies. We want more masculine men.
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  We need to raise more masculine men. At the end of the day, it's all up to mama.
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  It's all up to us, ladies. Yes. Now the next thing is integrity.
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  Teaching a child to have integrity is important.
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  Because here's the truth. You can't wait till they're an adult. it starts early.
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  If they see you making a promise with your word and then not following through,
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  you've showed them that you have no integrity.
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  You have to honor your word. When you say you're going to do something,
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  you do it or you give it one hell of a shot.
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  Because if you want to have a masculine man, you got to show him what integrity
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  is and teach him that when he says he's going to do something, he does it.
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  He doesn't make promises he doesn't want to keep.
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  That's the other thing about boys yeah they don't make promise
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  no they make promises they make all kinds
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  of promises but they don't follow through they don't follow through it's
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  called future faking there's actually a term for it is
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  it really yeah when they promise you a future that they have no intention of
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  giving you wow yeah that's a boy huh yeah future faking is a real thing i've
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  learned something today yeah it's it's that common that there's a term for it
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  oh wow right now we're working on our son he He will not be shy,
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  turn to be a man, but he doesn't make eye contact.
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  Yes, eye contact's important. You have to have a confidence inside of you to make eye contact.
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  And you've got to practice it. And you can't really practice it with your parents.
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  You need to learn to practice it with friends or other family members. Other family members.
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  And that's the best way. Eye contact shows a level of confidence.
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  And it shows a level of integrity in that you feel that you are true to yourself. Okay.
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  So eye contact is important. Plus, it makes people uncomfortable if you can't make eye contact. Yeah.
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  They don't know you tell the truth or not. They don't know are you faking it or not.
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  They don't know you're joking or not. we're working on it very hard right now
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  and here's another thing that i have found dating people.
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  There's i've coined the term i don't know if anybody else has
• 17:28
  used this term but i've never heard it used so i came up with the term wes do
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  you know what wes is no i know w-e-s wandering eye syndrome oh my god so when
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  you're with a man if they are constantly looking around okay it's It's called
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  wandering eye syndrome.
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  If they're checking out other women while you're with them, it's the worst of
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  wandering eye syndrome.
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  You know, they don't look at the core of the place or the scenery.
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  Here's the thing. When you're with a man, they have a presence.
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  They're present with you. They have to. They are grounded.
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  They're focused. And they're attentive to you.
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  If you're with a man and they're looking around. Yeah, there's no point. That's a boy.
• 18:16
  Oh, I see. They just wander around, see some things out there.
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  That's someone that's insecure.
• 18:21
  That's someone that's not confident in who they are. If they can't maintain
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  eye contact now, I understand I can intimidate. You are.
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  I am. We went to dinner, and I intimidated the waiter just by sitting down.
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  Yeah, I keep telling him how old he is.
• 18:38
  Yeah, this little boy. And he was a boy, right?
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  Yes, yeah. He was sweet, though. He was a very sweet boy, but like I gave him
• 18:45
  my drink order and he ran off to get it before taking everyone else's because
• 18:48
  I intimidated him so badly.
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  Yeah. And then I asked someone at the table their age and he answered. I know, right?
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  He was he was a little scared of me and I don't even know what I did,
• 18:58
  but I can intimidate. So I get that.
• 19:00
  However, if I'm with a man and he's scanning the crowd and checking out everyone
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  else, even some boys and I'm going to call them boys.
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  Some boys even comment on other
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  women when they're with you are you really now it's
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  one thing if you guys have agreed to go out and people watch and make fun
• 19:18
  of people or look at people people do that i understand it yeah
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  but if you're on a date and someone's checking someone else out and they say
• 19:25
  oh look at her outfit i would don't think you should wear it why are they looking
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  at her in the first place that's a boy and the phone need to be put away i don't
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  care how important well you're not present if you're checking your phone.
• 19:38
  Yes. It's disrespectful.
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  That goes both ways. It goes both ways. Whether you're a man or a woman,
• 19:43
  it's disrespectful to the other side. If you are working on your phone on a date.
• 19:48
  Yeah, it's true. Like we make a point that if we go out, phone's away.
• 19:53
  The other thing about a man, and here's the thing, a man will attract the best
• 19:58
  women because they're purpose driven. Yeah.
• 20:00
  Not only they're a leader, they also have a purpose. It's not just necessarily
• 20:04
  career. It could be something else. Maybe they want to build value in their
• 20:08
  life or they're spiritual, but they have a purpose.
• 20:12
  Yeah. A man will have a purpose and they'll stick to it because they're present,
• 20:16
  they have integrity, and they've mastered their emotions. So all of this runs hand in hand.
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  So you need to find a man that's growth-oriented, that's purpose-driven.
• 20:27
  Now, I'm not saying that the man you pick has to be a billionaire or a millionaire
• 20:31
  or whatever it is, making six figures.
• 20:34
  That doesn't matter because they'll get there if
• 20:37
  they're purpose-driven they'll get to exactly where they see
• 20:40
  where their vision is now you have to be careful that
• 20:43
  these aren't future fakers they're awesome they're also you know a lot of those
• 20:47
  here's the thing with future fakers they're all talk and no action oh you are
• 20:52
  right yeah they're future fakers and you can see it early on future fakers they'll
• 20:57
  be like oh we should go hiking and blah blah blah and then when you bring it
• 21:01
  up, they don't want to go.
• 21:02
  They'll be like, oh, I could see us taking a trip. And then when you try to
• 21:05
  make plans, they don't want to make the plans.
• 21:08
  See, I don't like that. That's a future faker. But a purpose-driven person will
• 21:12
  say, I want to go here and put plans in action to make it happen.
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  A purpose-driven person will be moving towards their goals.
• 21:21
  And let's say they say, let's say it's a plumber. Let's say this purpose-driven
• 21:25
  man that you've met is a strong man. He's got all the right qualities.
• 21:29
  And you figure out that he's purpose-driven. He'll say, I want to own my own plumbing company.
• 21:34
  I see. So what does he do? He gets licensed. And he's not making a lot of money.
• 21:38
  He's an apprentice. But he got licensed.
• 21:39
  Right. And then what's he going to do next? Well, he's going to learn from as
• 21:42
  many people as he can because he wants to be there for the family.
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  He wants to support the family. That's awesome. He wants to be a provider.
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  You can see, though. You can see it. Because they're making,
• 21:53
  they're not just saying it in their words. It's in their actions as well.
• 21:57
  If the man said, let's go for hiking, how about this Saturday? Are you free?
• 22:01
  That's how I like it. Yeah. A man is going to make dinner reservations and plan
• 22:05
  the whole day. He's not going to ask you, what do you want to do?
• 22:09
  Yeah. Can you make the reservation?
• 22:11
  No, that's not happening. No. A man will actually take charge.
• 22:15
  Yeah. How about you want to do this, this month, this day?
• 22:18
  How about Capitol Grill? How about steak? What would you like? Seafood?
• 22:22
  A man sometimes might even order for you. Yeah.
• 22:25
  I don't mind it as long as they know what I like. Right. First date,
• 22:30
  they shouldn't be ordering for it. No.
• 22:32
  But I think for the longest time, they should know how to take your coffee. Yes.
• 22:36
  If they pick you up coffee, if they're going for coffee and they pick you up
• 22:39
  one, that's a nice thing to do. That's a man.
• 22:43
  You need to find a masculine man that's not dominant or that's not trying to
• 22:50
  dominate you or control you.
• 22:51
  That's not trying to manipulate you.
• 22:54
  And that's not emotionally unavailable. What does that mean?
• 22:58
  Well, emotionally unavailable is someone that is not willing to open themselves up to a woman.
• 23:03
  I see. And there are a lot of masculine men that are emotionally unavailable. Is it really?
• 23:09
  Right now, more so than ever, because women have really taken on such a dominant
• 23:13
  role that they've shut a lot of men down.
• 23:16
  Well, a lot of it may be they just got off on a bad relationship or they don't
• 23:19
  want to jump in. Or there was a death of a spouse or something. You know, something.
• 23:23
  If you find a masculine man, they're respectful.
• 23:26
  They'll be a provider, but you might have to wait for them to be emotionally
• 23:30
  available. That's the only thing. That's the only thing? Mm-hmm.
• 23:33
  Wow. I cannot believe there is the dating pool nowadays.
• 23:39
  Well, it's different. We're at a different age, right? The problem I see is
• 23:43
  there's not a lot of masculine men in the younger age groups because a lot of
• 23:47
  women are working and not focused on raising masculine men anymore.
• 23:52
  We're focused on our careers and we're leaving the raising of our children sometimes
• 23:57
  to nannies and caregivers and other and sometimes men that don't really know
• 24:02
  how to raise a masculine man.
• 24:04
  See, but I've seen a lot lately though, the women, the younger men go for older women.
• 24:10
  Yeah, but those are our beta boys that are play toys. It's hard to find a masculine.
• 24:15
  Well, maybe in their 40s.
• 24:17
  But I couldn't find a masculine man very easily in their 20s.
• 24:21
  I mean, it's just different.
• 24:23
  Yeah, that's true. I think we need to have a resurgence of traditional values.
• 24:28
  Not saying women have to stay home. I'm not going there. So if you want to cancel
• 24:32
  me, go ahead. But I do think there are some traditional values we need to focus on.
• 24:36
  Oh, yeah. And being a masculine man doesn't mean you're financially wealthy alone.
• 24:40
  It does mean you're moving towards goals and you want to protect your family.
• 24:44
  But you don't have to be wealthy to be a masculine man.
• 24:47
  Some people are very, like, they look at a stay-at-home mom, Nanwayo.
• 24:52
  I know this couple for the longest time, and she's always a stay-at-home mom.
• 24:56
  And the way the husband talks, it's like, I mean, she's done so much.
• 25:01
  She actually has to prove to him that she's busy enough not to go back to work.
• 25:05
  He's not a masculine man either.
• 25:07
  Someone that's disrespecting his wife for staying home and taking care of the
• 25:10
  kids is not a masculine man. Right.
• 25:12
  And she was like, the decision was made together after they have a child that
• 25:17
  she's going to decide to stay home because the child care is so expensive.
• 25:21
  Other day goes on and he doesn't look at her that way.
• 25:25
  Well, that's just disrespectful. That's what I thought. That's not a masculine
• 25:29
  man. That's a man that wasn't raised properly.
• 25:31
  Yeah. And this is from her own mom that she needs to prove that she's busy enough
• 25:36
  to be a stay-at-home mom.
• 25:38
  Yes. Real masculine men know how to love their wives, know how to treat their
• 25:42
  wives well, and know how to lead their wives.
• 25:45
  And they're not trying. That's an insecure man because he's trying to make her
• 25:48
  less than or diminish her abilities because of that.
• 25:52
  Yeah. You know, and I'm the one who gets out of my career. then now you're telling
• 25:55
  me this, I would not put up with that.
• 25:58
  So, you know. Women crave masculine men.
• 26:01
  I think we do because they're secure. Yes. Emotionally and physically.
• 26:05
  You know when you have sex with a man and afterwards you just want to lay in their arms?
• 26:11
  Uh-huh. Yes. That's a sense of security and safety.
• 26:14
  Mm-hmm. So a true masculine man, now any woman can lay in any man's arms and
• 26:19
  feel safe for a little bit.
• 26:20
  Maybe. Some men don't make you feel safe even laying in their arms.
• 26:24
  That's the reason why we enjoy that after having sex is because it gives us a feeling of safety.
• 26:30
  Yeah. Both emotionally and physically and sexually. Mm-hmm.
• 26:34
  Security is a huge, safety and security is a huge part of why women crave masculine men.
• 26:39
  I think so. We also like masculine men who are decisive and direct.
• 26:44
  We don't want the game players.
• 26:46
  We don't want the manipulators. We want men to be honest, open,
• 26:50
  and direct. If they feel a certain way, if they can express those feelings and
• 26:55
  tell us instead of playing a game, that's a masculine man. That's not a boy.
• 26:59
  And playing games, ghosting people, stuff like that, that's not masculine.
• 27:03
  No. I just think ghosting is just bad. It is true. Yes or no?
• 27:07
  Yes. I don't like the word maybe.
• 27:09
  Yeah, exactly. No. The other thing is masculine men are confident and they're
• 27:13
  humble. Yes, they're very humble.
• 27:15
  They don't have to be the center of attention.
• 27:19
  Sometimes they're even an introvert i found you know masculine men don't have
• 27:22
  to be extra sometimes they are extroverts but they're not always extroverts
• 27:25
  sometimes they like to just be at peace,
• 27:28
  With you and them together and at home. And that's a very masculine thing.
• 27:32
  The masculine men, when they come home, they work hard. They come home.
• 27:36
  They just want to take their shoe off and just relax and be comfortable.
• 27:40
  That masculine man, I think.
• 27:42
  A masculine man will protect his wife or his girlfriend or any woman, honestly.
• 27:48
  They wait for you in front of the bathroom in a sketchy bar.
• 27:53
  Well, they're a protector, but they also respect the woman's strengths.
• 27:57
  So they respect the women that they are with.
• 28:00
  Women can be chaotic. Oh, I agree. I think I got some crazy,
• 28:05
  too. I got a little bit of the crazy, Jean.
• 28:06
  Because the reality is we're always multitasking, doing multiple things.
• 28:10
  And it creates chaos in our lives.
• 28:13
  And sometimes we have rough days.
• 28:16
  They help calm the chaos. Yes. Especially you.
• 28:21
  Not saying, like, you know, if you're going to scare everybody away,
• 28:24
  diva, me, as you do 10 things at the same time.
• 28:27
  But you need someone to calm you down. It is nice.
• 28:30
  Yes. You know, I will say that I can think of a couple people that I've dated
• 28:35
  that when I was with them, the chaos seemed less. See? And I slowed down.
• 28:41
  There was a sense of peace to my storm. Uh-huh. Yeah.
• 28:45
  That, I mean, I have peace on my own, but I have to work at it.
• 28:48
  But they gave me a sense of peace to my storm and my chaos that was refreshing.
• 28:53
  Yeah. You're constantly doing stuff, though. It's true. That's my personality,
• 28:57
  though. That's not going to change. Oh.
• 29:00
  Yeah. I talk fast. I do stuff quickly. I'm always moving and shaking.
• 29:04
  Yeah. And you do like 100 things at the same time. I figure like your hand could
• 29:08
  do 100 things in your hand.
• 29:10
  I wonder what goes on in your head. Oh, that's because I'm always moving ahead
• 29:13
  to the next task. That's what I'm saying. Completing one.
• 29:16
  I'm always thinking of what's next. Yeah. I'm perfectly fine.
• 29:19
  We do nothing. Well, that's okay.
• 29:21
  Everybody's different. Yeah. That's the other thing is it's going to take a
• 29:24
  really strong masculine man.
• 29:25
  For me for you yes to make me
• 29:28
  feel fully at peace and to actually be
• 29:31
  able to handle me i understand that yeah
• 29:35
  and some women can some women
• 29:38
  are okay with less of a masculine man and and they're
• 29:41
  okay with that yeah but i am a strong ass female
• 29:45
  i'm like that mustang that has never
• 29:47
  been ridden the crazy mustang that you have to
• 29:50
  rein in a little bit yes that no one's
• 29:53
  able to ride right you go to a horse ranch and
• 29:56
  there's this wild horse that's you
• 29:59
  that's she's a mustang that's crazy that's
• 30:02
  always you know beautiful mustang but crazy mustang
• 30:05
  and needs to be you know broken in a little you need to be breaking in and calm
• 30:10
  you down a little bit yeah it's true boy it's true maybe i do need a cowboy
• 30:14
  you need a cowboy oh i totally need a cowboy but that's the thing is that i
• 30:19
  need that one unique masculine man that can handle me because most cowboys wouldn't be able to handle me.
• 30:24
  I just need that one that's unique, that's tougher than most.
• 30:28
  I think for you, you have to go past cowboy. You need like rodeo.
• 30:31
  Oh, full on rodeo, man. You need a full on the rodeo. Well, that might be fun
• 30:35
  for a night or two as well. Yes. Anyway.
• 30:40
  Masculine energy can be infected by their partner.
• 30:43
  Uh-huh. But believe it or not, one of the number one things that affects masculine
• 30:46
  energy is their mothers.
• 30:49
  Is it really? Their mothers help to determine whether or not there is a masculine.
• 30:52
  Now, I train my children to be men.
• 30:56
  Well, you did say that children were made for the woman.
• 30:59
  That's why the mother, it has a lot to do with it. It has a lot to do with mother.
• 31:02
  In fact, I, at a young age, want my children to sit at the head of the table,
• 31:08
  even though I'm a single mom.
• 31:10
  My oldest is now the head of the family. Yes. And he's only 15.
• 31:13
  And I've let him know that, that he needs to step up and he needs to be a man.
• 31:18
  That's right. And I told him what it
• 31:19
  means to be a man and that you cannot disrespect me or other women. Yeah.
• 31:26
  It came from a mother. Yep. You have to support a man that's stepping into his masculinity too.
• 31:34
  So let's say that you have a man that is trying to be masculine.
• 31:38
  He plans the date. Yes. And made a very romantic effort at the date.
• 31:43
  Yes. The last thing you need to do is go and insult them.
• 31:46
  Oh, no, you never do that. Because you're going to lose that masculine man.
• 31:49
  He's not going to want to come around or he's never going to do that again.
• 31:53
  No. A feminine woman does not need to dominate a man.
• 31:59
  And I think part of the feminist movement was for women to dominate men.
• 32:03
  And I don't think that's appropriate either.
• 32:04
  We don't want men to control us, but we should not be trying to dominate men either.
• 32:11
  I think you dominate them. They're going to feel like they've been insulted,
• 32:14
  no? It's true. Yeah. It's true.
• 32:17
  And there are men out there that say they're masculine and I've seen this on
• 32:20
  the dating apps they'll say I want a woman that's
• 32:23
  in her that's a feminine traditional values and
• 32:27
  is submissive what's that mean exactly they say that's in
• 32:30
  the bible that's not in the bible but no that the role
• 32:33
  of a woman is not to be submissive and
• 32:36
  agree with everything a man says the role of
• 32:38
  a woman is to step into her femininity and for
• 32:41
  a man to step into his masculinity and you know
• 32:44
  what that equals what is the perfect power couple
• 32:47
  yes if you get a man that's
• 32:50
  masculine and a woman that's feminine you
• 32:54
  have a power couple that's unstoppable yes
• 32:57
  you're that couple will support each other through thick and
• 33:00
  thin it's it's deeper than blood you
• 33:03
  guys will be there for each other whenever each other needs each other at the
• 33:07
  right time and you'll start to read into each other as well i think so too yeah
• 33:11
  you could have been the perfect powerful couple i could have but i didn't have
• 33:16
  the right masculine man yeah and you know masculinity is a gift it's not a threat to women.
• 33:21
  Especially when they express it with love and responsibility instead of control and manipulation.
• 33:27
  Do you think they have to have it in you to be masculine or they have to be
• 33:31
  trained to be masculine? I think it comes from the mother.
• 33:34
  Okay, we talked about that. And I think you can find a masculine man if you
• 33:40
  see the way he treats his mother.
• 33:41
  That's true. I had red flags and I didn't even realize they were red flags.
• 33:45
  For instance, my ex, I'm not going to say which ex, But my ex would make fun
• 33:51
  of his mother for crying. Huh.
• 33:53
  And they'd say, I'd hate it when she does that. All she's trying to do is manipulate
• 33:56
  me. And he would throw it. Right now I look at it as a little boy temper tantrum.
• 34:00
  Oh, wow. When his mother would have an emotional issue. He wouldn't support her.
• 34:04
  Huh. And that's a red flag. The way a man treats his mother is the way he's
• 34:10
  going to treat you. Yeah.
• 34:11
  So if you want a masculine man that's respectful to women, if they're disrespectful to their mother.
• 34:17
  No, that's a no-no. That's a no-no. No, I'm not saying that he has to be a mama's
• 34:21
  boy. Right. But he does need to respect his mother.
• 34:24
  And his mother should also be respectful to him. And if you find a person like
• 34:28
  that, they're more likely to be masculine.
• 34:31
  Yeah. A true feminine is going to draw out the healthy portion of a masculine man, though.
• 34:35
  Okay. But if you're not a feminine, your energy could also drown a masculine man.
• 34:41
  So remember that we have a role to play. Yeah.
• 34:45
  But if you meet a masculine man, you have the ability to draw even more masculinity
• 34:49
  and make him grow as a man.
• 34:51
  My husband always say 80% of what he is right now is him from me.
• 34:56
  It's true. Yeah. Because you have been drawing out his masculinity.
• 35:00
  Every man is born a boy. Oh, yeah. But not every boy becomes a man.
• 35:04
  Wow. That is a catchy phrase. Mm-hmm. That is. It's true.
• 35:10
  Manhood is not an age. it's an awakening inside of a person.
• 35:14
  And some boys never awaken to be a man. Oh, I've learned something new today. It's true.
• 35:19
  They don't become men because they don't grow into it. You need to write a book
• 35:23
  about that. Oh, wow. I've got 25 books I'm now writing because of Diva Cat.
• 35:28
  No, I'm serious. It's true. And there is a way to grow into masculinity and
• 35:35
  you awaken. It's an awakening, just like a woman awakens into her femininity.
• 35:39
  Because when we're kids, honestly, we're kind of crazy too.
• 35:42
  I think men have, boys have chaos and women have chaos. Boys and girls both are chaotic.
• 35:47
  Yes, they are. But as we grow into our femininity, we respect.
• 35:51
  The opposite sex for what they bring to the table. We respect the opposite sex
• 35:55
  for their masculinity. We respect the opposite sex for their femininity.
• 36:00
  But you got to find the right partner for you. I see.
• 36:04
  You can't be with someone that's a boy and has no chance of becoming a man.
• 36:09
  Yeah. A man, a boy that disrespects a woman is never going to be a man.
• 36:13
  Even though now when you meet them, because our society now,
• 36:16
  because like you said, when women want to equal part, So they have a lot of those men to be a boy.
• 36:23
  Now, how are you going to make them to be a man? Well, and there's some people
• 36:26
  that weren't maybe a man with one person, but they grow into their masculinity with another person.
• 36:31
  It's up to you. It's up to us as partners.
• 36:35
  Now, if a man is disrespectful and verbally abusive to you, that's not a man.
• 36:41
  That's not the right net figure.
• 36:42
  If a woman is disrespectful and verbally abusive to a man, she's not in her feminine.
• 36:48
  So that the boy's not in his mask and the woman's not in their feminine correct relationship.
• 36:54
  Would be having discussion and i'm not saying you're never going to have an
• 36:58
  argument but you never lose the ability to respect the other partner yeah you
• 37:02
  actually have to sit down and talk you do yeah this is what you do i don't like
• 37:06
  this is what i do that you don't and if you're not mature enough then maybe
• 37:09
  you haven't grown into it and you may never it's not an age it's an awakening.
• 37:14
  It could be that you're 40 years old and you're just becoming a man.
• 37:18
  It could be that you're 40 years old and you're just stepping into your femininity.
• 37:21
  You know what? You just opened my eyes.
• 37:24
  I didn't become femininity till I met my husband. There you go.
• 37:30
  You guys worked well together.
• 37:32
  He brought out your feminine side and you brought out his masculine side.
• 37:36
  Now that I'm thinking of it. Which means it was a perfect match.
• 37:39
  Our energy just matched. And that's why you felt It's so comfortable together.
• 37:44
  Yeah. Now you just, it's just like open up to me.
• 37:47
  18 doesn't mean you're a man. No. 18 doesn't mean you're a woman.
• 37:51
  It means you're of age and you can vote.
• 37:54
  Yeah, that's about it. And in some states... You could gamble at 18. Gamble.
• 37:58
  It doesn't mean you're a man or a woman. What it means is that you're at an age where you can vote.
• 38:04
  Now, growing into your masculinity is a process.
• 38:07
  Some people grow into their masculinity at 14 years old. That's true.
• 38:12
  Some maybe at eight, like my little one. Yeah. I don't think he's fully masculine.
• 38:16
  He's got some growing to do, but some of them start younger.
• 38:18
  And some women have their femininity at 20.
• 38:22
  That's true. Now, you can get married before you've fully grown into your masculinity
• 38:26
  or before you've fully grown into your femininity, but make sure you're finding
• 38:29
  a partner that has the potential to become that.
• 38:32
  I agree. But don't marry the potential. You've got to see the signs that they can truly be that way.
• 38:38
  Yeah, they do. I think before you get married, especially now,
• 38:42
  you notice that people get married younger.
• 38:44
  They do. They do. So hopefully they have that talk it out. Well,
• 38:48
  here's the stages of a boyhood, okay?
• 38:50
  Okay. So boys throw temper tantrums. They're children, right? Right.
• 38:55
  They're driven by emotion. Uh-huh. They act on impulse. They crave validation.
• 39:01
  They're ego-driven. They react to stimulation instead of fully thinking it through and responding.
• 39:06
  I mean, that's one thing I do is when there's conflict, I like to withdraw and
• 39:12
  then come back and discuss. Whereas a boy wants to get in your face and constantly
• 39:17
  be aggressive and fight.
• 39:19
  That's not a man. No, that's not. That's not a man.
• 39:22
  Sometimes it takes a tragedy for them to grow, too. Maybe they lost a parent.
• 39:26
  Maybe they got divorced and now they're actually growing into their masculinity.
• 39:31
  Right. Maybe now after the divorce, they know...
• 39:34
  Looking back, I should have done this, I should have done that.
• 39:37
  Exactly. A man will take responsibility for the things they did.
• 39:40
  They'll take accountability.
• 39:43
  A boy is going to avoid it. They're going to blame someone else.
• 39:46
  They're going to always be the victim.
• 39:48
  Now, there are people, there are boys that will never in their entire life grow into masculinity.
• 39:54
  They always want to play victim. They always want to be the victim.
• 39:57
  They try to get freedom from any consequences of any actions that they do.
• 40:01
  Right. Always somebody else. It's always someone else's responsibility.
• 40:05
  They're living in your basement until they're 40, right? Oh, my God.
• 40:09
  And maybe at 40, they become masculine. Who knows? They're the ones that don't
• 40:12
  want to grow into the masculine role.
• 40:15
  Yeah. Our society, I will say, Kat, I'm telling you, we have fostered generations of boyhood. Yeah.
• 40:23
  As you're talking, my head just thinking about my own family.
• 40:27
  My brother was like that, too, until he got his wife. And then my brother-in-law
• 40:31
  was like that till he met my sister.
• 40:33
  So my sister and my sister-in-law is the one who made them masculine men.
• 40:38
  Well, there is that old saying that, you know, when you have two children,
• 40:41
  you're raising three. Yeah.
• 40:43
  That the husband is the third child. I don't agree with that statement.
• 40:46
  Uh-huh. But there is something to be said to sometimes you have to help them
• 40:51
  grow into their masculinity.
• 40:53
  Now, if you forever think of your husband as a child.
• 40:56
  Yeah. That means they actually never got to the masculine state,
• 41:00
  but there are ways to help them grow into their masculinity if they're not there yet.
• 41:04
  Yeah. Yeah. I just think on my head, you know, my own family.
• 41:08
  I was like, you know, right. It's true. It's true.
• 41:11
  Well, a boy will live for himself. They're not going to live for the family.
• 41:14
  They're not going to be there to protect the family.
• 41:17
  No. They're not going to be there to stand up when you're having trouble.
• 41:21
  And we need more strong men to stand up for their women. I can't say that enough.
• 41:26
  I see that all the time. If you're on a subway train, I've seen this on the
• 41:30
  news, where there was that one military, whether it was the Army or Navy, I forget his name.
• 41:37
  Anyway, he stood up for a woman that was getting beat up. Yes.
• 41:40
  And he got prosecuted. Remember, he was a big trial in New York City.
• 41:43
  He was the only masculine man on that train because, quite frankly,
• 41:47
  there were other men or other boys on that train.
• 41:50
  Nobody stood up? Nobody stood up. Now, it ended up that this guy,
• 41:54
  it was a homeless man that was attacking people, right?
• 41:56
  Uh-huh. The boys on the train didn't do anything, but this one man stood up.
• 41:59
  He ended up getting prosecuted, but he got off.
• 42:01
  He didn't get convicted. Why would he get convicted? I know.
• 42:05
  That's what everybody said. Why was it even a case? He was standing up to protect
• 42:07
  people, right? Right. He stood up for women.
• 42:11
  And he didn't know the women. Yeah. But he was very masculine.
• 42:15
  We need more men like that to stand up for women.
• 42:18
  Because we have a crisis right now in this country of women getting abused and
• 42:24
  no one doing anything. They pull out their phone, videotape it, though.
• 42:27
  They'll videotape it and they'll just stand there and laugh or they'll comment
• 42:30
  or they'll say, wow, maybe somebody should do something. Yeah, you should have. Yeah.
• 42:35
  Like throw the phone at them instead of videotaping, right? Mm-hmm.
• 42:39
  I've seen a lot. I think a lot of times they're afraid of lawsuits is one.
• 42:42
  But they're also afraid of pain.
• 42:44
  And honestly, a true masculine man doesn't care about pain. He's not going to
• 42:47
  avoid it. A boy will. Uh-huh.
• 42:49
  Yeah. And a boy needs approval from everyone, right? He has to get permission.
• 42:53
  A man doesn't need someone's permission. I see. Now, if it's a family situation
• 42:58
  and something affecting the family, I think it should be a discussion.
• 43:01
  Uh-huh. But a man doesn't need a permission. They will go and they don't need
• 43:06
  to find their worth in other people. They know who they are. Mm-hmm.
• 43:09
  That's why it's also a discovery of themselves.
• 43:14
  Mm-hmm. A true masculine man will truly discover who they are.
• 43:17
  It's a journey for a man just as much as it's a journey for a woman to become more feminine.
• 43:21
  Mm-hmm. I can honestly say I was not the most feminine.
• 43:25
  No, you're not. But I was also in a marriage where I wasn't with a masculine man.
• 43:29
  Yeah, but I always believe that it's going to be someone for you that bring
• 43:33
  out your feminine. I can't wait.
• 43:35
  Honestly, I do look for that. Until then, I have to stay in my masculine because
• 43:39
  I have to raise two masculine boys. Yeah.
• 43:42
  Don't wait too long, though. You might forget about it. Forget about a man?
• 43:45
  Yeah. No, you know, I'm a believer that when it's the right time,
• 43:49
  that God will bring it to me. Yes.
• 43:53
  I will leave myself open to it.
• 43:56
  And I will eventually one day find a masculine man that is the right for me.
• 44:01
  For me. You got to believe to make it happen. And here's the thing,
• 44:05
  ladies. They don't have to make more money than you.
• 44:07
  No, they don't. But they have to be okay with the fact that you make more money
• 44:11
  than them. That's a problem.
• 44:13
  And a lot of men, their ego, and it's 100% ego, gets in the way.
• 44:18
  They're not men if they have a big ego. Right.
• 44:20
  Everybody has an ego. Don't get me wrong. If you're sitting there insulting
• 44:23
  a man, he's going to get upset.
• 44:25
  When a man can't get past the fact that you make more money than them, that's all ego-driven.
• 44:30
  But if they don't have more money than you, they should be providing and protecting
• 44:35
  you in other ways for the family. Right. That's just emotion-wise.
• 44:40
  They need to be happy that you make more money than them, and they need to be supportive.
• 44:46
  But it doesn't mean to make them lazy, though, don't you? Yeah, they can't be lazy.
• 44:50
  A lazy man is not a masculine man.
• 44:52
  And a man can be brought out from childhood you can
• 44:55
  train them but sometimes it takes
• 44:59
  a tragedy or a hardship or heartbreak or
• 45:02
  loss or a lot of men are brought out in the military right
• 45:05
  i love military men there's a lot
• 45:07
  of military men that they go through a heartbreak or a loss and that triggers
• 45:12
  the masculinity in them wow i did not know that sometimes they have to hit rock
• 45:18
  bottom before they actually come back up into manhood they say you gotta get
• 45:22
  worse before we get better well that's the thing isn't about how we grow.
• 45:25
  That's for sure. In life, we grow through tragedy. We don't grow through success.
• 45:29
  No, we don't. We've coasted.
• 45:31
  When we're successful. We grow when we have tragedy. When we have tragedy,
• 45:35
  we know that we have something we have to work for and fight.
• 45:38
  That's called hustler. And tragedy kills the ego. Yes.
• 45:42
  Tragedy and trauma. When you hit rock bottom, your ego dies partially with it.
• 45:48
  So if you can hit rock bottom and work your way back up, God,
• 45:51
  I can't tell you how many times I've hit rock bottom and had to come back, you kill your ego.
• 45:55
  It's okay to fall down as long as you get back up.
• 45:57
  Yes. And once the ego's gone uh-huh the boy
• 46:00
  inside will realize he needs to become
• 46:03
  a man i see he needs to stop blaming other people he
• 46:06
  needs to take responsibility for where he's at uh-huh and
• 46:10
  then he can come into his manhood now if the boy doesn't uh-huh
• 46:13
  and he has people around picking him up and if
• 46:17
  he never takes accountability responsibility for the
• 46:20
  mess he got himself into then he will never get to
• 46:22
  the masculine manhood yeah they
• 46:27
  need to willing to work on it too though it's a defining moment and
• 46:30
  you have two paths to take right you can be the
• 46:33
  victim yeah you can blame other people or you can move in or you can move into
• 46:38
  manhood yeah and sometimes okay so sometimes men are raised that way sometimes
• 46:42
  men have to go through trauma or tragedy okay and then sometimes men find the
• 46:47
  right woman and they grow into the masculinity.
• 46:51
  But you can't be marrying a man with the purpose of changing them.
• 46:56
  You cannot change them. You cannot. They have to do it on their own.
• 47:00
  This is one thing you can't do. You can help them grow, but they have to have it within them.
• 47:05
  They need to see the solution, not a problem.
• 47:09
  A man's accountable for all that he does. He's disciplined. If he says he's
• 47:13
  going to do something, he does it. They tend to have a purpose in life.
• 47:17
  They know what they want and they want to go get it. They have to have a goal
• 47:20
  and keep their work. It's true.
• 47:21
  I do like servicemen. I do like men that in the military because they tend to
• 47:26
  have emotional control.
• 47:29
  Now, I'm not saying that all military men aren't violent because some of them
• 47:32
  are, but most of them aren't violent towards women, at least the ones I've seen. They're courageous.
• 47:38
  They will provide for a woman and they're in service to women, too.
• 47:43
  Yes. A woman will service her man, but a man will service his woman.
• 47:48
  And to gather, he'll grow more powerful than ever. I agree. But the men in service,
• 47:52
  I just love how disciplined they are.
• 47:55
  They definitely have that disciplinary job. I think that's why women like firemen
• 48:00
  and police officers so much.
• 48:01
  Oh, firemen. Hot firemen. Hot firemen.
• 48:05
  Yeah, I think it's because there's a level of masculinity there, right? It's like, damn.
• 48:10
  Oh, my God. But my friend dated a fireman, and he turned very violent.
• 48:15
  I had a friend that had a similar situation. So we're not going to say all men
• 48:18
  are violent or all firemen are violent, but there have been a couple instances.
• 48:23
  And just like not all service members are, you know, master of the men,
• 48:26
  some of them are little boys, too.
• 48:28
  Yeah. I should say he turned violent. He probably always beat that violence,
• 48:32
  but he just brought on. You know what I mean?
• 48:33
  Yeah. You know? Yeah. A true man's going to honor a woman.
• 48:36
  They're going to honor children. They're going to honor their elders.
• 48:39
  They're going to be sacred and respectful. They're not going to be violent. Right.
• 48:42
  And they're going to apologize when they're wrong. Yes.
• 48:46
  They're not afraid to apologize. That I agree. Not once.
• 48:49
  We would just talk about it today, too. She said, you know, with all that happening,
• 48:53
  not once that he's apologized, but he wants to come back. Yeah.
• 48:56
  So that's a sign of a narcissist.
• 48:58
  So I look back over my relationship and just we would actually have disagreements
• 49:04
  because I'm like, why can't you just say you're sorry?
• 49:07
  He's like, well, it's not my fault. I didn't do anything.
• 49:09
  See? And if they can't apologize, it's a sign of a narcissist.
• 49:12
  It's somebody that's insecure and doesn't want to apologize or take accountability
• 49:16
  or responsibility for what they do. That's not masculine. Yeah.
• 49:20
  No. Think about the conversation we had today. Like, he tried to come back.
• 49:24
  Yeah. She kicked him out. He tried to come back. Of course, they always try to come back.
• 49:27
  You got to have her listen to When the Ex Comes Back. When the Ex Comes Back. That is right, right?
• 49:33
  Oh, I had to send her that one. We do have that podcast, When the Ex Comes Back.
• 49:36
  I have to send that to her. Yeah. Yeah, but not once he apologized for her, he did.
• 49:41
  Nope. And here's the thing. A strong masculine man is going to build people
• 49:45
  up and not try to destroy them.
• 49:48
  Yes. And not compete with them. Yes, I agree.
• 49:52
  But as a woman, you have to open your mind to listen to them too, don't you think?
• 49:56
  A strong masculine man is going to be strong in the outside,
• 49:59
  but soft and fuzzy on the inside.
• 50:01
  Let me tell you. You know, they're lovable. They're lovable.
• 50:04
  They love chick flick. I found that out. Oh, not necessarily.
• 50:08
  All masculine men love chick flicks. You can't go there.
• 50:10
  I found that. At least mine, anyway, they love notebooks.
• 50:14
  That movie Notebook. Well, your masculine man may love the notebook.
• 50:17
  That doesn't mean all masculine men do.
• 50:19
  But they lead you without needing to dominate or control.
• 50:23
  And I remember that dating app where I was this guy. He's like,
• 50:26
  no, you have to submit to me. I don't want a woman that works.
• 50:29
  I want a woman that is at home.
• 50:31
  And I'm saying, no, that's a dominating man. That's not a masculine man.
• 50:35
  And they put this on the description? No, this was on a phone call. Ew.
• 50:38
  Yeah, this was on a phone call. So cut that off. I didn't go out with him because of that.
• 50:43
  No, no way. I don't care how good you are. I don't care what kind.
• 50:47
  No, just that word. It's just not right. Yeah. I think this is one of the things we teach our children.
• 50:54
  Mm-hmm. You know when they used to tell our generation to toughen up? Mm-hmm.
• 50:59
  For men. I don't think it was about being cruel. Little boys,
• 51:03
  they run away from pain. Mm-hmm.
• 51:05
  Men don't run away from pain. They'll run towards purpose.
• 51:08
  Right. And they realize that you have to go through a lot of pain to get to your purpose.
• 51:12
  I see. And anything in life that's worth having, you got to go through a lot
• 51:17
  of pain first. Yes, I agree.
• 51:19
  So a masculine man will take his pain and understand that it's going to help
• 51:24
  him grow and become stronger for the family in the future.
• 51:28
  Mm-hmm. Can't get better than that. Yeah, you can't get better than that.
• 51:31
  It's kind of reverent, if you will. To have a strong masculine man in your life,
• 51:36
  it's amazing. And I haven't had one truly yet. You will.
• 51:40
  One day. Mm-hmm. I know it's there. I've seen it. Oh, yeah. I've seen it in your relationship.
• 51:45
  Yeah, you will. It's coming. I know it. Now, toxic masculinity.
• 51:49
  Let's talk about that for a little bit. Is toxic in violence?
• 51:53
  I think it's a made-up term because masculinity is not toxic.
• 51:57
  There's toxic people, but there's toxic women. Oh, yeah.
• 52:01
  And women that are hating on men all the time. I'm sorry, but if you want to
• 52:05
  say toxic, that's toxic femininity or toxic feminist.
• 52:09
  It's just toxic, period. Yeah.
• 52:11
  So aggressiveness, domination, you can have it in a man or a woman.
• 52:15
  There's no toxic masculinity.
• 52:17
  Mm-hmm. Because women can be just as nasty as men can be to women. I agree.
• 52:23
  So we have to stop labeling things toxic masculinity.
• 52:27
  Yeah, the word is very, you have to explain to the other way.
• 52:31
  Yeah. There's so many descriptions.
• 52:33
  If we can grow into our femininity, we'll be able to recognize true masculinity easier as well.
• 52:40
  Yes. And you're not going to settle for anything left. Of course you're not.
• 52:43
  And you will not lower your standard. That's true.
• 52:46
  Yeah. And I want somebody that's emotionally intelligent.
• 52:49
  Mm-hmm. I want somebody that's strong. Mm-hmm.
• 52:53
  You know, but also has wisdom and empathy and integrity and respect for me and loves his mama.
• 52:59
  Yeah. And loves your boys too. And loves my boys and is a protector who will
• 53:05
  take care of me when I'm down.
• 53:07
  And I can take care of him when he's down. I want a reciprocal.
• 53:10
  We had the conversation about reciprocal relationships as well. Yes.
• 53:14
  Reciprocal relationship would be wonderful. As you grow a man or a boy into
• 53:18
  a man, you have to still hold him accountable. but you need to do in a way that's
• 53:21
  not disrespectful and not shaming.
• 53:24
  I just think like you working so hard on yourself, you should be able to find
• 53:28
  a man who also willing to work with you and work so hard on yourself.
• 53:31
  You know, the funny thing is the more you work on yourself, the smaller your
• 53:35
  dating goal gets. Oh, that's the problem.
• 53:37
  Yeah. So I do work hard on myself because I'm looking for to be the most perfect that I can be.
• 53:44
  Now, I'm not saying I'm going to be perfect. Right. But I want to be as perfect
• 53:47
  as I can be. Right. You know, I'm going to have flaws.
• 53:51
  Right. I still have my chaos. And actually, you know what? I'm not changing
• 53:54
  that part. I kind of like that part about me.
• 53:56
  Right. I like the fact I multitask. I like the fact I'm a doer. I'm not changing that.
• 54:00
  And that may be a flaw to some people, but to me, I enjoy it.
• 54:03
  And I'm going to work on that. Mm-hmm.
• 54:06
  And I will eventually find that masculine man, but it does decrease my dating
• 54:10
  pool. You'll be surprised. I hope so.
• 54:12
  You'll be surprised. I think it's just going to happen one day.
• 54:15
  Oh, yeah. It's just going to... Like magic.
• 54:18
  Right. They said it's going to happen when you least expect it. Yes.
• 54:22
  If you are a man. And I better be your maid of honor.
• 54:27
  Oh, I'm getting married now. Yes, you are. Oh, my gosh. So it's not just I'm dating.
• 54:32
  She's already moving me on to marriage. I'm planning wedding already.
• 54:35
  She's already setting up the marriage.
• 54:37
  She's going to the knot and setting up the account.
• 54:40
  Yes. Did you see the billboard that the guy so tired of this dating app?
• 54:45
  And he paid the billboard, put up on the big billboard and lists all his descriptions.
• 54:51
  And he said, today is the day I'm going to get married.
• 54:53
  There is over 20-something woman was at the ballpark. Yeah, I'm not into that.
• 54:59
  That to me signs is not a strong man. That's a man that's desperate for attention.
• 55:04
  Yeah. I don't need a man desperate for attention. See. I want a man that's desperate
• 55:08
  for my attention, but not for every woman's out there.
• 55:12
  That's the difference. Oh, I see. See, a man that I will be with will want my
• 55:17
  attention and not have to have it from 15 other women.
• 55:21
  And that's also a masculine man. A masculine man, it's honestly true masculinity,
• 55:26
  true femininity is one-on-one.
• 55:28
  Right. It's not needing the attention of other women. It's not needing the attention of other men.
• 55:33
  Masculine men are not cheaters. No, they not. Masculine or feminine women are not cheaters.
• 55:38
  We are there for our partner and they are there for us.
• 55:42
  That's a true masculine-feminine relationship. So if you're with a man that's
• 55:45
  cheating, he's not really masculine. No. He's insecure.
• 55:49
  Yeah. He's got his issues. Yeah. Cheating is just... Cheating is insecurity. It truly is.
• 55:55
  Do you think cheating is considered toxic? It is. It's part of toxic relationships.
• 56:00
  Yeah. It's a bad toxic. It is true.
• 56:03
  And let's... Okay, so I know a lot of women have gone through divorce. Not everyone.
• 56:08
  Whether you're married or divorced, you need to have a man, a partner,
• 56:12
  that's going to lead your children by example.
• 56:15
  That good masculine fathers can help girls step into their femininity.
• 56:20
  Just like good mothers can help boys step into their masculinity.
• 56:24
  You know, I'm willing, and I'm much older, I'm willing to take a step back and
• 56:29
  let my 15-year-old lead.
• 56:31
  Oh, go for it. And fail. Yes.
• 56:34
  And fall down. Yeah, he's going to learn from it. And get challenged and get back up. Right.
• 56:38
  Because you got to let your kids fall. They got to fall.
• 56:42
  And hurt themselves and skin their knees so they can toughen up a little bit.
• 56:46
  Now, there's always me with the safety net.
• 56:49
  I'm always there to pick up the pieces if it gets too bad. Right.
• 56:52
  But I want them to be challenged. Yes. I want them to struggle.
• 56:56
  And I think that's part of our society's shortfallings as well,
• 57:00
  is that we have tried to spoil our children to the point of providing everything
• 57:05
  for them except for challenges.
• 57:07
  I'm guilty at charge. You got to give them challenges.
• 57:10
  I'm making them do landscaping. I'm making them do manual labor.
• 57:14
  I'm making them get jobs. I'm making them do masculine roles.
• 57:18
  I am making them open my car.
• 57:21
  If they don't open my car, I stand outside until they open the car door for
• 57:25
  me. I'm telling you, though, you raise a good man.
• 57:28
  It was so funny because my children are in Kumon for reading and math.
• 57:32
  You know, it's one of those things.
• 57:33
  And I actually had the Kumon teacher come out and tell me how respectful my
• 57:37
  children were of women and how they've never had any problems.
• 57:40
  And she thought they were that even my teacher said, even your teenager is so respectful.
• 57:46
  I know. And she's like, I don't see boys raised this well. And she says,
• 57:51
  most of the time when I see them raised, it's by single moms. Yes.
• 57:55
  And you know why? It's because the dads sometimes are too rough on the boys.
• 57:59
  But a strong woman will put the boy into a comfort zone enough for their masculinity
• 58:05
  to thrive. I'm guilty at child. Are you?
• 58:08
  Mm-hmm. Are you spoiling your son and not letting him step into his masculinity?
• 58:12
  Yeah, I know. Well, you know, it's a process and a journey for us as parents,
• 58:16
  too. Mm-hmm. I need to step up. Guilty, actually.
• 58:19
  You know what? We have to grow. Yes. At the same time that we are challenging
• 58:26
  and helping our children grow.
• 58:28
  I think that's what parenting is. It's an education and a growth in ourselves.
• 58:32
  I will say you've got to grow together and you've got to heal together.
• 58:36
  A true masculine and feminine, they complement each other, not competitive.
• 58:41
  There's a level of maturity, self-awareness and healing.
• 58:45
  Sometimes two people will go through a divorce. Uh-huh. Okay.
• 58:49
  As they become more self-aware and heal, they both step into their feminine and masculine roles.
• 58:55
  Wow. That's an eye-opener today. You need to ask yourself, do your children,
• 58:59
  do they have the masculine traits?
• 59:01
  And here's some masculine traits. Do they lead? No. Do they protect?
• 59:04
  Yes. Do they want to provide? Yes. Okay. So you're almost there.
• 59:08
  Yeah. So you just need to push maybe more into the leadership roles.
• 59:12
  The lead. A healthy feminine role will nurture. Yes. We will create and inspire.
• 59:19
  And I think I inspire my children. I honestly try to inspire them every day
• 59:24
  when we do our nightly ritual of prayer and things that went well.
• 59:28
  You've got to inspire and lead them into their masculine roles in not a dominating
• 59:33
  way, but yet a challenging way. I need to work on myself.
• 59:37
  I am creative and I am sincere, but I seem to provide too much. It's society too.
• 59:43
  Yeah, that's true too. You know, a lot of times we...
• 59:47
  Spoil our children. Yeah. I just think I cater too much. It could be.
• 59:51
  It could be. You need to let him step up and be a man.
• 59:55
  Yeah. We're going to work on it. That's the goal. It's a way for him to become
• 59:59
  a man. Strong men, honestly, they get the best women. They are.
• 1:00:03
  A strong woman, when we step out of our femininity, we get into burnout because we're doing it all.
• 1:00:10
  We do it all. And we try to control it all.
• 1:00:12
  Yes. We lose our sense of empathy. We lose our sense of intuition.
• 1:00:18
  Connection. That's a masculine role, honestly. Yeah. And we lose ourselves when
• 1:00:22
  we try to go into the feminine or to the masculine.
• 1:00:25
  And we forget that we're still a woman. We still need to be loved. We still need to be soft.
• 1:00:30
  We still need to be soft. Strong but soft. Right. You know, don't forget that.
• 1:00:35
  Yeah. You can build an empire without abandoning your elegance,
• 1:00:39
  your feminine, your grace, your empathy, your softness.
• 1:00:43
  You can still build an empire. I just think we are at wins.
• 1:00:47
  All of that, the part that we have, we just have to use it the right way.
• 1:00:50
  It's true. If you find your true masculine man, he's going to lead you.
• 1:00:55
  That's going to brought you out, yes. The question is, can you receive?
• 1:00:58
  Yes. Can you? I know, I have difficulty with that, but I still haven't met a
• 1:01:02
  really, truly strong man. I have no problem to receive.
• 1:01:04
  For me, I need to be more open to receiving.
• 1:01:07
  There's a level of trust there, too. When you've gone through a betrayal,
• 1:01:11
  I think that's, I'm still working through that.
• 1:01:14
  To be able to trust someone enough to allow them to give to me so I can receive.
• 1:01:19
  Yeah, but I think if you find the right man, he's going to work with you side
• 1:01:22
  by side and make you feel comfortable to receive.
• 1:01:25
  And make you feel trust again. Yes. I will say that coming into more of my femininity,
• 1:01:31
  it's coming back to who I truly am. Yeah.
• 1:01:34
  I was very feminine coming out of college.
• 1:01:38
  Right. I was willing to receive.
• 1:01:41
  I just wasn't. I had boundaries. Yes. And I wasn't willing to put up with a weak man.
• 1:01:47
  Then if you marry a weak man, you get into a place where you have to become
• 1:01:52
  more and more masculine as a woman. You lose yourself. Yeah.
• 1:01:55
  You'd be surprised if you find the right man. They're going to brought up your
• 1:01:59
  feminine, your lovable, your soft spot. And you're going to totally forget,
• 1:02:03
  like, I have to be in charge all the time. Believe me.
• 1:02:07
  Yes. Yes. There's someone out there, like, it's going to happen when you least expect it.
• 1:02:12
  I agree. And now let's cover what it means to be chivalrous.
• 1:02:18
  What is that? Because masculinity is one thing. Okay.
• 1:02:21
  Being chivalrous is quite another. What's that mean? So chivalry,
• 1:02:26
  it's the modern gentleman's code.
• 1:02:29
  So it comes from the day and age where men were chivalrous and they took care of women.
• 1:02:35
  It's going back to more extremely traditional values.
• 1:02:38
  I'm going to go over it just because I think it's important to know that it
• 1:02:42
  is part of masculinity and femininity.
• 1:02:45
  And we'll cover what it means to be chivalrous. And so it's protecting without
• 1:02:49
  controlling. That's chivalry.
• 1:02:51
  It's offering security without dominance. For instance, like if you're on a
• 1:02:56
  date and a man walks you to your car, that's being chivalrous.
• 1:03:00
  Now, if they creep you out, ladies, don't let them walk you to your car.
• 1:03:02
  Yeah. But they should stand on the street side when you're walking next to them. Okay.
• 1:03:08
  That's part of chivalry. A lot of men don't know this, but you should always
• 1:03:11
  walk a woman to a car. If you're walking down the street, you should always
• 1:03:14
  be on the side of the street where the cars are coming and going.
• 1:03:18
  And you're always mindful of her safety.
• 1:03:21
  I know I'm masculine because whenever I go to a restaurant, I always want to
• 1:03:24
  sit facing the door because it's my masculinity trying to protect.
• 1:03:29
  But if I was with a masculine man, I would totally let him sit facing the door.
• 1:03:34
  In fact, when we went to dinner, your husband sat facing the door.
• 1:03:39
  It made me uncomfortable at first, but then I felt comfortable because he's masculine.
• 1:03:44
  I'm just saying, as far as facing the door goes. Yeah, he always faces the door. He faces the door.
• 1:03:48
  And it made me feel a little bit safe. Even though I'm not with him,
• 1:03:52
  a masculine man will make all the women feel safe.
• 1:03:55
  It's not just the person you're with. Now, I'm thinking he always facing the door.
• 1:03:59
  Well, it made me, and usually I'm the one always facing the door.
• 1:04:03
  Because I was always the masculine person in my relationships too.
• 1:04:07
  I see that. It made me feel safe. And I noticed it when it happened.
• 1:04:12
  And so I thought I'd bring that up. They also, you're welcome.
• 1:04:15
  And they also lead with integrity.
• 1:04:17
  So a man that's masculine is going to have a plan.
• 1:04:21
  He's going to be decisive. He's going to be clear and confident on his purpose.
• 1:04:25
  And he's going to say, you know what? This is what we're going to do.
• 1:04:28
  And this is why. And he doesn't even have to tell you why. He's like,
• 1:04:32
  this is what we're doing.
• 1:04:33
  Now, if he's like, we're going to go jump off a cliff, you don't have to go with him. Yeah.
• 1:04:37
  But if he's like, we're going to go for dinner here and we're going to enjoy
• 1:04:40
  it. Yes. And I know because I made plans and I may have a purpose.
• 1:04:45
  This is what's going to happen. I agree. And they're always consistent.
• 1:04:48
  Right. They give their word and they're going to they're going to show up on time.
• 1:04:51
  Oh, yeah. Time is everything. Granted, there's traffic and I get it.
• 1:04:54
  Every once in a while, somebody might be five minutes late. So don't crucify
• 1:04:57
  them. I'm always late, though.
• 1:04:59
  Well, feminine can be late. I'm always late. But masculine, when he gives his
• 1:05:03
  word to show up on time, is there.
• 1:05:05
  Yes. Another thing of a masculine man is they will pay even when you invite them.
• 1:05:11
  Right. Especially first dates. Mm-hmm. It's not a dominance thing,
• 1:05:15
  but it's a gesture of honor.
• 1:05:17
  It's a showing that they are a provider.
• 1:05:20
  Mm-hmm. So when a man, it's honorable for a man to pay. And a lot of women act
• 1:05:24
  like, oh, no, we can go 50-50.
• 1:05:26
  Don't do that. Don't do that. You're taking away from a man's ability to be honorable.
• 1:05:31
  Don't do that. If they want to pay, let them pay. It's not just a financial
• 1:05:35
  thing. I can pay for myself.
• 1:05:37
  A man needs to be honorable. Yeah. It's same thing like open the door.
• 1:05:41
  You can open the door for yourself. I can open my own dang door.
• 1:05:44
  Damn door, right? But they need to be to do that, you know?
• 1:05:47
  So, yes, it's honorable to let a man pay. Oh, yeah.
• 1:05:51
  I do that all the time. Let's say a man walks you to your car.
• 1:05:54
  If they're forceful and pushy, that's not respecting your boundaries.
• 1:05:58
  That's not honorable either. There's some men, like, they walk you to the car the first day.
• 1:06:03
  Like, when you act like you want them to walk you to the car,
• 1:06:07
  and they think, like, you invite them to get in the car, make out or something.
• 1:06:10
  Yeah, doesn't mean that, right? I love a man that walks me to my car. Uh-huh.
• 1:06:14
  And I'll either give him a hug, or if I feel like it, I'll kiss them or kiss
• 1:06:17
  them back. Yeah. But I don't want them being pushy.
• 1:06:20
  No. No, it's disrespectful. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Not on the first date.
• 1:06:25
  Masculine man that's chivalrous is going to respect your time,
• 1:06:28
  your space, and your pace.
• 1:06:30
  That's right. It's kind of a give and take, I will say.
• 1:06:34
  When you're dating someone, you don't want to be too pushy, but you also don't
• 1:06:40
  want them to be too pushy.
• 1:06:42
  And I will say I did date a guy that was extremely chivalrous,
• 1:06:46
  and I really, truly enjoyed it.
• 1:06:48
  He was local and was extremely chivalrous. and thinking more about it.
• 1:06:54
  I mean, he would walk me to my car. See?
• 1:06:56
  He was very respectful. That's awesome. He moved at my pace.
• 1:07:00
  Always opened the car door.
• 1:07:02
  Always showed up on time. And if he was going to be even a minute late, he would call. Yeah.
• 1:07:06
  And that was so respectful and chivalrous that it made me take a second look.
• 1:07:14
  So you have to remember those little things in life.
• 1:07:17
  Yes. Those are the masculine men that you may want because they are good quality, good chivalrous men.
• 1:07:24
  And I'm not saying that every chivalrous man is masculine because there are
• 1:07:27
  some chivalrous men that fake it just to try to get in your pants.
• 1:07:30
  And I'm sorry, but that's not right.
• 1:07:31
  But a true chivalrous man most of the time is masculine.
• 1:07:35
  You definitely cannot date the Asian man, not to blame on the Asian man.
• 1:07:39
  They're always forever late. It's disrespectful.
• 1:07:42
  Yeah. It's honestly, I hate to call you out on this, Kat. It's disrespectful
• 1:07:46
  to be late for your man as well.
• 1:07:48
  Yeah, I know. I agree. Yeah. I agree. So you need to respect other people's
• 1:07:53
  time, no matter who they are, whether it's a friend or a partner.
• 1:07:58
  Right. And I don't care if you're dating or if you're married.
• 1:08:01
  Right. It's disrespectful.
• 1:08:03
  And I didn't, you know, I did care when I was married and my ex would be late.
• 1:08:08
  Mm-hmm. But I put up with it. And that was because I didn't have a boundary.
• 1:08:12
  And now I have boundaries.
• 1:08:13
  Mm-hmm. And I don't want to date people that are late all the time.
• 1:08:16
  Yeah. It's disrespectful of my time, and my time is extremely valuable.
• 1:08:20
  Even between friend to friends, though.
• 1:08:22
  Even friends to friends. I'll give, like, a five-minute window.
• 1:08:26
  But if somebody's consistently 15, 20 minutes, it's disrespectful.
• 1:08:30
  Well, we have a group of friends that we're going to go on a cruise with.
• 1:08:33
  Those ladies, it's always early or on time.
• 1:08:36
  That's wonderful. But there's only, you know, there's always one.
• 1:08:40
  We left her behind. You know, it's funny. Sonia, I went for lunch with you,
• 1:08:44
  and it's like one minute, two, and you're texting me. Are you still coming?
• 1:08:49
  And I'm like, yeah, but I got a whole minute to show up.
• 1:08:51
  Because I always show up right on time, and I was shocked when I got there because
• 1:08:55
  everybody was already there. Yeah.
• 1:08:57
  And I was like, but I thought it started at this time. And I was on time.
• 1:09:01
  The Asian lady. They were all early.
• 1:09:04
  Those are Asian that I hang. But they always wonder. We left her behind.
• 1:09:09
  After a while, we stopped inviting her. Because she's late and it's disrespectful.
• 1:09:14
  And she's casually late, like 30 minutes or the whole hour. Yeah.
• 1:09:19
  Yeah, I love my lady. Be respectful. Be respectful of their boundaries.
• 1:09:24
  Be respectful of their time.
• 1:09:26
  A chivalrous man's going to listen, too. Oh, of course. That's the other thing.
• 1:09:30
  That guy listened really well.
• 1:09:31
  Yeah, see? What happened now? And, oh, come on. You just chased me. Oh, my God.
• 1:09:36
  I can't marry every single person I go on a date with. Yeah,
• 1:09:40
  but at least you're stuck.
• 1:09:42
  With him? I am still in contact with him. Oh, okay, good. Yes.
• 1:09:46
  Oh, my God. I already have a dress for your wedding. Oh, my gosh.
• 1:09:50
  I got a dress for the bachelor. I got a plan for where we're gonna go.
• 1:09:54
  And I got a plan for the honeymoon.
• 1:09:56
  Yeah, honey, I haven't even talked to him about what he wants in life.
• 1:09:59
  So we're not even close to that.
• 1:10:00
  Anyway, take time. Take my time. 50 ton. You're 50, by the way. Shit.
• 1:10:08
  Sorry. Damn.
• 1:10:11
  So one of the things I notice when a man's chivalrous is they'll listen and they'll remember.
• 1:10:16
  So like if you tell them you like white roses, they'll send you white roses.
• 1:10:21
  They have all those white roses for them? Oh my God, girl, what are you waiting for?
• 1:10:25
  No, I bought those for myself because I can buy myself flowers. Flower is a plus though.
• 1:10:30
  It is when you get flowers. I guess my flower every Friday. You know,
• 1:10:34
  I'd date a guy that loved purple. Is it really?
• 1:10:37
  And that was his favorite color. Whenever he would send me flowers,
• 1:10:40
  they would be purple. And he would never send a card, but I would always know it was from him. See?
• 1:10:45
  Uh-huh, uh-huh. That was awesome. When we first just started dating,
• 1:10:49
  I always considered myself the birth of paradise because, you know,
• 1:10:52
  I'm a white girl. And I always get that, too.
• 1:10:55
  And I knew it was from him. Yeah, I like Hawaiian flowers. Mm-hmm. And I like red roses.
• 1:11:02
  Your red is your color red is my color yeah yeah any red flowers are great as
• 1:11:07
  well as my color yeah i don't like pink at all oh i love pink any shade of pink
• 1:11:11
  i hate pink see that's why we so click i know because i would never take the
• 1:11:16
  way your red dress and i will never take your pink and you'll be the only one wearing red dress,
• 1:11:22
  Red or black. Red or black. Or gold. Oh, I love pink. Mm-mm.
• 1:11:27
  You should see what I pet while Cruz. Pink and pink and pink.
• 1:11:32
  So, a chivalrous man's going to open your door, literally. Yes. And emotionally.
• 1:11:38
  Yes. I mean, they are going to help you become more open with them.
• 1:11:42
  Mm-hmm. But they're going to open the doors, and they're going to let you step
• 1:11:47
  into your femininity. Yes.
• 1:11:49
  If you have a man that doesn't open your door, ladies, he's probably not chauvinist
• 1:11:54
  and most likely he's not very masculine either.
• 1:11:57
  I actually dated a guy that I thought was masculine, but he would never open my door.
• 1:12:03
  And the only time he opened my door is when I was dressed up. It kind of irked me.
• 1:12:08
  Or I'd carry my bags. I don't like that either. If I'm carrying luggage,
• 1:12:12
  they should help. Now, I'm strong as hell.
• 1:12:14
  I might even be able to out bench press him.
• 1:12:17
  Probably not bench. Maybe leg press him. I'm very strong because I lift weights
• 1:12:21
  a lot. But I still want a man to carry my bags. I still want a man to open my door.
• 1:12:25
  I still want a man to be a man. Of course you are.
• 1:12:28
  You need someone to carry your bag. Doesn't matter how heavy it is.
• 1:12:33
  I mean, we are capable to carry our own bags. Let's face it. Let's face this.
• 1:12:37
  Right. If a man's not going to be a man, I have toys. There's no reason for
• 1:12:41
  me to bring a man into my life.
• 1:12:44
  And you have to work on it. And I have to do all the masculine roles and the
• 1:12:48
  feminine roles. That's true. I don't want to do that again.
• 1:12:51
  Yeah, no, you're done. I'm not going to have any more children.
• 1:12:54
  Mm-hmm. I hope not. I mean, I guess I still technically could.
• 1:12:58
  I'm not planning on having any more children. Mm-hmm. If by God's grace I got pregnant, then I would.
• 1:13:04
  But there's no plans for that. So a man coming into my life needs to be chauvris.
• 1:13:09
  It has to be. They need to be masculine.
• 1:13:12
  If they're not going to be chauvinist and masculine... You don't need them. I could go date a woman.
• 1:13:18
  All right. You know, or I go play with my toys. There's no reason for me to have that man in my life.
• 1:13:24
  I have friends that I can go hang out with. Right. I have toys that I can have fun with.
• 1:13:29
  And this is just me being 100% blunt right now because I am very blunt.
• 1:13:33
  Right. I don't want a man that is not a man. Right. I don't want a boy.
• 1:13:38
  I don't want to raise another child.
• 1:13:40
  You are correct. Remember we talked about one podcast about a swinger?
• 1:13:43
  Then I believe with the woman, with the woman, because they don't need that anymore.
• 1:13:47
  Yeah. Well, I'm not going to go date women. I'm not into that.
• 1:13:50
  But that was a joke. Yeah. But I don't need a man to make myself happy.
• 1:13:55
  Yeah. I don't need a man to make me have joy. And I don't need a man to have peace.
• 1:14:00
  I want a man that adds to my joy, that adds to my peace.
• 1:14:04
  And if a man is making me raise them because they're not masculine and they
• 1:14:09
  want me to provide for them and they want me to protect them and they want me
• 1:14:13
  to make them feel safe, then I don't need that person. No.
• 1:14:16
  Because they're taken away from my peace. They're taken away from my joy.
• 1:14:20
  I agree. Does that make sense? Yes. And that's why I'm saying if they're not
• 1:14:24
  chivalrous and they're not opening my damn car door, you're not providing value.
• 1:14:29
  No. Just a simple task. Open the door. Yeah.
• 1:14:32
  It's free. And here's the thing. I don't even care if a man makes more money than me.
• 1:14:37
  Right. Just open the damn car door. Open the damn freaking car door and buy dinner. Right.
• 1:14:41
  You know what I mean? You can handle that. Yes. Hell, and I will let you lead me.
• 1:14:47
  Right. Just don't lead me astray because if I start seeing you lead me astray,
• 1:14:50
  I'm going to walk as well.
• 1:14:52
  And when he come get you for dinner, he better get you a white rose.
• 1:14:56
  Doesn't have to be a dozen. Just one white rose. and it's cheap.
• 1:15:00
  A white one or a red one? I like red. Yes, you know?
• 1:15:04
  Yeah. And a man is also going to protect her reputation and stand up for her.
• 1:15:08
  So like if another man's insulting you, same with your mother.
• 1:15:11
  Right. If a man doesn't respect his mother or stand up for his mother and disrespects
• 1:15:16
  his mother like my ex did. He's not for you. He's not for me.
• 1:15:19
  No. I mean, that's a red flag for me. No, he's not for anyone.
• 1:15:22
  He's not for anyone. Because if they're disrespecting their mother,
• 1:15:25
  they're going to disrespect you. Right.
• 1:15:27
  It's a red flag. And I I did not see it before. So blame me for that.
• 1:15:31
  I did not see it. Yeah. No, not for anyone.
• 1:15:33
  Yeah. So they should speak of their mother with respect. They should speak of you with respect.
• 1:15:38
  They should not be disrespecting you in front of other people. Oh, no. Ever.
• 1:15:44
  Never. If they have a disagreement with you, they should come and talk to you.
• 1:15:48
  Same with you. If you have a disagreement with them, you should go talk to them.
• 1:15:52
  That's what I love about you and your husband is you both constantly speak respectful of each other.
• 1:15:58
  You should see me and him and his mother too.
• 1:16:01
  Yes. Yeah. Maybe with his brother, but his brother is the other way around.
• 1:16:05
  Yes. And I blame on the mom.
• 1:16:06
  Well, the mom raises the children in a certain way.
• 1:16:09
  You can't blame the mom 100% because a man does make their own choices. Yes, they do.
• 1:16:15
  And boys can stay boys or they can step into their manhood with a choice.
• 1:16:18
  Yeah, their choice to be lazy. So that's why they stay. A real man's going to make you feel soft. Yes.
• 1:16:24
  A chivalrous man is going to make you feel soft. and honored, respected.
• 1:16:29
  Oh, yeah. When they open your car door, it's not that you can't physically open
• 1:16:34
  your door. It's a sign of respect.
• 1:16:36
  Yes. And it's a simple task and it's free.
• 1:16:40
  Yes. Your mind already is thinking. Simple task, it is free,
• 1:16:43
  and he cannot do that. What else he cannot do?
• 1:16:46
  He cannot do anything else. Yeah. So there was a time when I went on this date.
• 1:16:51
  Okay. I was dressed nice. The guy opened my door and let me in.
• 1:16:54
  Mm-hmm. And then when we got back, he left me in the car. I sat there for a
• 1:16:59
  couple minutes just looking on my phone. Didn't get out of the car.
• 1:17:02
  He opened the car door for you? Didn't open it on the way back.
• 1:17:05
  And, you know, he just wasn't big on opening car doors. And I was done.
• 1:17:09
  That was the moment I realized I was done. Oh, wow.
• 1:17:13
  And the guy still reaches out. And he didn't even realize that you sit there
• 1:17:16
  waiting for him. He thought I was just surfing on my phone. Oh, my God.
• 1:17:20
  Here's the other thing. Guys, if you're in a sports car and you're in heels.
• 1:17:25
  And a dress, you need a guy to open the damn car door, too. No.
• 1:17:28
  He need to pull you off of the damn car. It's not easy to get off that little
• 1:17:33
  spot on the heels or the dress.
• 1:17:36
  So you don't, like, flash everyone when you're standing up? Yeah.
• 1:17:39
  Yeah. But nonetheless, besides the, you know, necessity of it,
• 1:17:43
  it's just disrespectful. Mm-hmm.
• 1:17:45
  Yeah, the car door is important. The car door, the house door, the restaurant door?
• 1:17:50
  Yes. Especially if you drive the sport car, I need you to open the door and
• 1:17:54
  hold my hand to pull me out from the chair.
• 1:17:57
  Like, if I go for a high sister, he always stand in front of me just in case I fall and he came first.
• 1:18:04
  That's nice. Yeah. So, ladies, if you have a chivalrous man,
• 1:18:09
  you need to receive this with grace. You need to be respectful and say thank you.
• 1:18:14
  Of course. you have to and you have to let
• 1:18:17
  a man give it to you and when a man doesn't
• 1:18:20
  you can't guilt him right it may not be a good
• 1:18:23
  fit if that's what you're looking for yeah and someone
• 1:18:25
  were like i can get my own damn car door right and some
• 1:18:29
  men are like okay go ahead and that's not necessarily
• 1:18:32
  what we're talking about here and if that's what you want that's
• 1:18:35
  fine yeah but you're not going to get a masculine man
• 1:18:38
  just don't expect after you're going to have a beta boy
• 1:18:41
  yeah and realize you're always going to have beta boys
• 1:18:44
  if you won't step into your femininity you're never going
• 1:18:47
  to let a man step into his masculinity and you're always going
• 1:18:50
  to have beta boys and if that's what you want then
• 1:18:53
  good on you it's personal preference it's personal preference yeah and you know
• 1:18:58
  some women want to be in charge of everything and that's fine you know i i just
• 1:19:03
  i want a balance i just think like on the first date whatever he does is very
• 1:19:08
  important to just show who he is Yes.
• 1:19:10
  And the first date, respect it and appreciate him for the effort,
• 1:19:15
  even if the first date sucks.
• 1:19:17
  So you may go for coffee. Right. And you may because like I like to go for coffee
• 1:19:23
  on first dates because I don't want to waste my time at dinner if they suck personally.
• 1:19:27
  Yeah. 15 minutes. Done. Well, I went for coffee with a man and we sat there
• 1:19:32
  for three hours. You see?
• 1:19:34
  It was a nice conversation. And I appreciated the conversation and the effort.
• 1:19:40
  Yeah. So appreciate the effort, not the outcome, right? So as long as a man's
• 1:19:44
  making an effort, even if it wasn't perfect, at least they made the effort.
• 1:19:50
  And praise them for it. You got to respect that. A woman, part of a woman is
• 1:19:54
  you need to praise your men when they do things that are good.
• 1:19:57
  I'm not saying praise them all the time. Right. And lie.
• 1:20:01
  And like, I know a woman that used to think or tell somebody they were great
• 1:20:04
  for buying toilet paper. You don't do that.
• 1:20:07
  I mean, but you need to be gracious and praise them when they're in their masculine
• 1:20:10
  energy and they're doing great things. That's awesome. Yeah.
• 1:20:15
  I like that. And I also think you should match their generosity and thoughtfulness.
• 1:20:19
  So I'm not saying you need to buy lavish gifts or always, you know,
• 1:20:23
  but maybe once in a while you take him for dinner or you plan a date.
• 1:20:27
  Now, definitely not the first date, probably not the first few dates.
• 1:20:31
  If he's going to show up for you, wouldn't it be romantic if sometime you showed up for him?
• 1:20:35
  I remember on my ex's birthday, I planned a date. It was either birthday or
• 1:20:41
  Valentine's Day. I planned a date.
• 1:20:43
  I ordered a chef and it was a romantic evening and I planned the whole thing.
• 1:20:48
  Heck, I even planned a romantic trip to Italy.
• 1:20:51
  Yeah. Because I wanted, you know, here's the thing with me is that I show men exactly what I want.
• 1:20:57
  Yeah. But do they come back to you after that? No one's matched my level of care.
• 1:21:02
  Yes. So not that I'm testing, but I am kind of testing.
• 1:21:05
  I'm not, it's not like a, Ooh, I'm testing you got an A plus or a B minus.
• 1:21:09
  But when I'm giving man a certain level.
• 1:21:11
  If I'm texting you and I text you once or twice a day, I expect a certain level of reciprocity.
• 1:21:19
  If you're just thumbing up my texts and you don't respond, I'm kind of done.
• 1:21:26
  I want a man to give me the same level of care that I give to them.
• 1:21:30
  And if I'm not receiving it or feeling that I'm receiving it, I'm just done.
• 1:21:33
  And I know you think I'm too tough. If they're not giving me the love of care
• 1:21:37
  when I'm dating them, they're definitely not going to give me the love of care
• 1:21:40
  when I'm married to them. Nothing's going to change. No, nothing changed.
• 1:21:43
  Yeah. So I want them to match. If I give them a gift, I want at least a thank you. Right.
• 1:21:50
  You know, or if I'm being thoughtful, I want them to be thoughtful back.
• 1:21:53
  Yes, I agree. I dated a guy that forgot my birthday.
• 1:21:57
  Oh, my God. And that was like, I thought it was thoughtless.
• 1:22:00
  He didn't forget, though, two days later, no? No, he forgot.
• 1:22:03
  And then I reminded him, and then he felt bad. I said, no, no.
• 1:22:07
  I know his birthday in my mind.
• 1:22:09
  See? I don't even have to look it up on the calendar because he told me his
• 1:22:13
  birthday wants. Now, if you're bad at dates, write the damn thing down.
• 1:22:17
  Right. Put it in your calendar. Yeah. But don't forget Valentine's Day.
• 1:22:21
  Don't forget birthdays. Don't forget anniversaries.
• 1:22:23
  Uh-huh. I agree. That's just being a level of thoughtful. And women should do the same.
• 1:22:29
  Mm-hmm. Now, let's not crucify our men when they forget because a lot of times
• 1:22:33
  men do forget. And I didn't crucify them. Mm-hmm. But I'm not dating them anymore.
• 1:22:37
  Okay. Yeah. So, but if you have to remind him.
• 1:22:40
  That was one of the many things too. So, yeah. We need to stay soft but not
• 1:22:44
  silent. I mean, but you don't need to embarrass a man in public.
• 1:22:49
  You don't need to demasculate a man in public.
• 1:22:51
  No. We need to be vulnerable but not passive. We need to be kind but also show strength.
• 1:22:57
  You know, our feminine is not weak. Being feminine, a lot of women,
• 1:23:01
  I think, think it's weak. It's not weak.
• 1:23:04
  No, it's not at all. Being feminine is strong. I like that. It is.
• 1:23:09
  Because you're there as the person that's holding up the man.
• 1:23:13
  And sometimes the man is going to hold you up, too.
• 1:23:16
  I think I agree with that, too. Being feminine is strong.
• 1:23:20
  Yes, because we have to protect a man when he's vulnerable and give him the
• 1:23:25
  assurance he needs to be strong.
• 1:23:26
  And then he needs to protect us and give us the strength to step into our power.
• 1:23:32
  And then we're a power couple.
• 1:23:34
  Then you're going to become very powerful couple. Yeah. We will uplift them
• 1:23:38
  and they will uplift us. And we're not there to undermine each other.
• 1:23:41
  We're there to support each other.
• 1:23:43
  Right. I think even between friends, too, you don't need to.
• 1:23:46
  You're always going to have someone to uplift you.
• 1:23:49
  And you're also going to uplift them all the time.
• 1:23:51
  Yeah. I think chivalry has always been thought of as this is a man giving us
• 1:23:56
  chivalrous things, right?
• 1:23:57
  No, women can do that, too. Well, I think there's both, right?
• 1:24:00
  I think kindness is chivalrous. Being kind to each other is being chivalrous.
• 1:24:05
  Right. Being generous is chivalrous.
• 1:24:08
  Being present and listening to your man and having him listen to you, that's chivalrous.
• 1:24:14
  So you have to remember that you're there for your man as much as he is there
• 1:24:18
  for you. You just have different roles.
• 1:24:20
  It's like you're all in the same company and you're vice presidents together.
• 1:24:25
  Or co-presidents. We'll call you guys co-presidents. Co-president,
• 1:24:29
  co-CEO. And just be accountable for you.
• 1:24:32
  And then I think, I mean, if you're looking for a true masculine-feminine relationship,
• 1:24:36
  I think that's the strongest partnership you'll ever find.
• 1:24:39
  Mm-hmm. I think you have to realize that you can grow together. Mm-hmm.
• 1:24:43
  And the power couple is unstoppable. And it doesn't have to mean that you're
• 1:24:47
  the most powerful couple in business.
• 1:24:49
  No, no, no, no. But together, oh, it's amazing. It's like magic.
• 1:24:53
  I see it. Yeah. I see it in your relationship.
• 1:24:56
  I've seen it in other people's relationship. It's those relationships that last
• 1:25:00
  for 75 years and they die together.
• 1:25:03
  You know what I'm talking about? Yes. The people that, and they're still happy
• 1:25:06
  and they're still playful.
• 1:25:08
  Yeah. And they're still having fun together. Just like my mother.
• 1:25:10
  Because the man is masculine and the woman is feminine. Yeah,
• 1:25:13
  just like my mother-in-law and my father-in-law.
• 1:25:15
  But some women don't want that. And some men don't want that. Yeah.
• 1:25:19
  But to have a true, happy, forever relationship, that's what I've seen.
• 1:25:23
  Is their men are in their masculine, women are in their feminine.
• 1:25:26
  That's the only way I think. And I know different cultures think of it differently.
• 1:25:30
  Different cultures, especially our Asian culture, a lot of them,
• 1:25:34
  they might say women had no word, but that's only outside the house.
• 1:25:39
  Inside the house, the woman in charge. Yeah. Especially with my family.
• 1:25:43
  And sometimes the one who's in charge of the finances.
• 1:25:45
  Most of them. Yeah. The women in Asian household, I had to say eight out of
• 1:25:51
  ten women in charge in finance. So you better hope they're good at math.
• 1:25:55
  You better be. Yeah. Make sure you take your math, ladies. Yes, they are.
• 1:25:59
  So from my circle, women in charge when it comes to finance.
• 1:26:03
  Yeah, I tried to leave that to a man once and it was catastrophic.
• 1:26:08
  So i think that it's whoever
• 1:26:11
  is the strongest in that area should be there yeah that's
• 1:26:14
  not a masculine or feminine role to me no it's not i think that's just a household
• 1:26:19
  whoever's the best in that area should be in charge of that not me but yeah
• 1:26:25
  i can't be in charge in finance we'll go broke in a second we'll go broke and
• 1:26:31
  have lots of shoes cats bankrupt yeah
• 1:26:34
  We'll go broke and have lots of shoes and bags. Shoes and bags.
• 1:26:37
  She's like sex in the city. Are you right there? Yeah, right there.
• 1:26:40
  Oh, my God. I just watched it, actually.
• 1:26:44
  I think chivalry is about, it's not about who's stronger.
• 1:26:48
  It's about love and honoring your partner. Yes. And respecting each other.
• 1:26:53
  Yes. And it's a dance that goes back and forth, right?
• 1:26:56
  While one person's leading, the other one's showing grace. And while the other
• 1:27:00
  person's leading, the other's showing grace. It's like a beautiful dance together.
• 1:27:04
  And that's what I think, you know, a masculine and femininity,
• 1:27:07
  it's like a power couple dancing together. It looks so wonderful.
• 1:27:11
  The woman's not leading. No.
• 1:27:13
  But the woman is still beautiful on the dance floor. No, like gracefully.
• 1:27:18
  Gracefully. That's a perfect dance to me is what masculinity and chivalry is. I like that.
• 1:27:25
  Yes. I just came up with it. So there you go.
• 1:27:27
  Oh, my God. I like that. It's just like a dance.
• 1:27:30
  It's like a dance. So I think the takeaways for today is that you're not born
• 1:27:35
  masculine. You're not born feminine.
• 1:27:36
  You might be born male or female, but you're not born masculine or feminine.
• 1:27:39
  That's something you grow into.
• 1:27:40
  And it's an awakening that you experience over life. Yes. And it's a dance that
• 1:27:45
  you do when you find your perfect partner.
• 1:27:47
  You have to find your own dance. You do. There's a harmony that's created.
• 1:27:51
  And it's a beautiful thing when you find the right one that you can dance with. I love it.
• 1:27:56
  All right. Well, Diva Cat, I think we've covered it all today.
• 1:28:00
  I think so. I love the dance. I love to end with the dance. Let's end with the dance.
• 1:28:04
  So you guys have a wonderful week, and I hope you're out there looking for your soulmate.
• 1:28:08
  That's also your whatever you're looking for, and you find the right one for you. Yes.
• 1:28:14
  This is Diva Mia signing off. Diva Cat. We'll talk to you soon. Ciao, ciao.
• 1:28:18
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• 1:28:20
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