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Empowering Veterans: Robert and Cathy Casteel's Journey through Mindset Transformation and Resilience · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post deployment life.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Hello, hello, hello everybody.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: So we have our return guest, some of my favorites here.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: We have Robert and Kathy Steele.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: You know they both military married and I'm going to go through some basic, basic things here.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: Fantastic couple here, so excited to have you guys back on basic things here.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: Fantastic couple here, so excited to have you guys back on.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Kathy brings over three decades of military service.
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: Specializes in helping empathic women transition to civilian life with renewed confidence, which is so important in this world today.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: Robert, 23 years military service.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Focuses on mindset transformation and resilience training, aiding individuals to break free from negative family patterns Super important.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: So you understand already why I love having these two together on here.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: They're experts in addressing unique challenges faced by military couples, including triggers, which we're going to talk about today, and internal referencing and masks as well Again, excited to talk about that today.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: So I introduced a little bit about you guys.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Tell us a little bit more.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Oh Lord, you know you've pretty much covered it all other than I have an amazing daughter, two fur kids and just an incredible relationship with my husband and we're on this coaching journey together.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: We're both coaches, so we're in a different dynamic than most and taking all of that and working for ourselves now to make a difference in the world for our veterans.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: Fantastic Robert.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: Anything to add?
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: You know, both of us have a huge heart to serve, whether it be a veteran, whether it be somebody that's struggling.
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: Matter of fact, I just had one of my former soldiers reach out to me.
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: He's going through a transition in life right now and he just reached out to me this morning asked for some help.
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: So we're going to connect on a call later on.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Fantastic, fantastic.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: I love it, and that is the beautiful thing about these two souls right here.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: They they have a purpose, they just want to help.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: Just fantastic.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: Fantastic power couple, as someone said, or dynamite power couple, as someone said a second ago.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: So if you will tell me I know this is a part of you know we, we know each other.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: I know the story, but people that haven't seen you guys before don't know each other.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: I know the story, but people that haven't seen you guys before don't.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: So tell us a little bit why you got into the self-empowerment or coaching realm.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: You know, I knew that God put me on this planet for something big and I felt like I was settling.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't till my health took a nosedive that I even looked at being an entrepreneur at all, like I had zero ideas or concept or thought that was even an option for me.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: And so when you become an entrepreneur, all my mentors say you've got to get into self-development, like that's the thing.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: And when I started with my first book, it was like a thirst that had not been quenched in so long.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: So it was just, I got the first book and I'm like, oh my God.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: And then the second is just like was a domino effect.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: And when I shifted from dreading each day waking up to living my life to the best each day, I was like, oh my God, everybody wants to.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: I'm sure everybody wants to have this ability.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: They probably just don't know it's out there, right?
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: So that's kind of what started me on the, on the self-development journey.
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: For me it was more of a selfish reason journey, you think.
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: for me it was more of a selfish reason I um, I got out of the military when I got out I was angry a lot and I was getting tired of being angry and I didn't want to have that anger within my family, them not knowing when I was going to go offer something.
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: They said or they did something and I'm like okay.
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: So I started into the self-development realm trying to figure out why am I this way?
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: Well, not why, but what's the cause of this?
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: And started digging down for the root cause and I found out it was masks from previous traumas.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that happens a lot and I'm glad you bring up masks because we're going to talk about that today.
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: We got a new host.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: Thank you, robert, for sharing, and Kathy as well.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: So, with your extensive experience helping military and of course I'm always spinning this toward militaries that's where my heart is.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: You know military and of course I'm always been in the historic militaries that's where my heart is is helping military, especially transitioning.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: What are the most common triggers they face and how can they effectively address them?
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: Would you like to go first?
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: I think one of the things, the largest thing, is when they get out and they're used to being able to be in charge and leading and making certain decisions themselves without being questioned and then all of a sudden they get out and it's like they make the same decision and all of a sudden it's questioned and it brings up.
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: One of the triggers is not being enough.
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: Am I enough to be a civilian?
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: I'd serve fine in the military, but can I do this civilian life?
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: I don't know how to do anything differently than what I previously knew.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I've seen that a lot as well, kathy, would you like to add to that?
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: A couple of things.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Absolutely it's.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: You know I can be in charge of and responsible for all this stuff.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: And then you go to the civilian world and you know to be in charge of a pen, you know as an act of Congress or you know they're just you're given much more responsibility.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I think is a huge part of it.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: And then I think another part is that you see so much darkness in the world everywhere you go that you get to make this big difference in the world.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: You're just a small piece making a huge impact in somebody's life.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: And then you get out of the military and you hear people complaining about not having hot water or their latte is not made correctly, and you're just like, are you like for reals?
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Like do you know that would love to have shoes on their feet or something, and so yeah, that that and and I say this in a loving way and I you know the word self-righteous is kind of coming up and I don't mean in a derogatory way, but we see so much other stuff that when you get out and you see civilians doing that, we're like we're in the best kind People are praying for our kind of issues.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: So that's another thing that I find a lot of veterans have a hard time transitioning from the military to the civilian life.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, and I've seen that as well.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: You're in charge of multi-million dollar equipment for these people's lives, but I come back and back to Congress, like you said, to get a pen or whatever.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: The case may be Obviously exaggerating, but it's it's.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: It's very disruptive to the mind to go through that and not be transitioned properly out, if you will.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: So I see it constantly.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: Great points, guys, thank you.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: So let's talk about masks.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Will you explain what masks?
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: If you will Just go ahead, please?
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: So a mask is literally think about a like a masquerade mask.
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: So when you're at your core, when you was born, your core was either masculine or feminine, depending upon your sex, and then there was a trauma that happened and you might have put on a feminine mask for a guy and then all of a sudden you realize something else and you go back to your masculine.
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: So you just start building these layers on top of each other, bouncing between masculine and feminine.
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: So a lot of the times the triggers is one of those masks being tugged at like not being enough.
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: When I'm working with someone, the first thing I'll ask them when somebody's wife, let's say Kathy, did something and I felt a certain way and I got angry.
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: It's like when was the first time that showed up?
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: And I'd start walking it back until I find that first event and then realize that that one event has been re-traumatizing me however long it's been there, and most of the time it happened anywhere between seven and three years old and those are the strongest masks to deal with.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, may I share something?
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: on that babe.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: So let me just give an example For me.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: At my core I was born feminine.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: I was this young, playful, you know, tomboy-y type little girl.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: I love playing outside and all of these things, and my dad was not the healthiest man at the time.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: And so my mom said you know, don't rely on anybody.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: Be independent.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: You know, man's not a plan, all that kind of stuff.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: So then I created that mask of being independent for a good chunk of my life.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: Well, men have been put on this planet for women to provide, protect and procreate.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Saying it for women to provide, protect and procreate, so if I'm providing for everything for myself, then I wasn't meeting the men that wanted to come in and be my hero because I was doing it all myself and they're like well, what's there left for me to do?
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: So that was a mask that I put on for a long time of protection.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: And you know, as things show up in life, in my military world, I put on a masculine mask because I had to, you know, show that I was just as tough as my male counterpart.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: But it didn't serve me in the civilian world and being a woman and coming home to my husband.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: So it's, it's those layers that we put on, and we do it unbeknownst to ourself.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree 100%.
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: So how do people recognize these masks?
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: So it really it's once.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: You build up the masks over your period of life, whether they be traumas or just your belief system, your BS system, if you will.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: How do you, how do you know, hey, I'm wearing this mask.
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: And how do you dismantle or peel away the onion, if you will?
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: May I share on that.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: Yes, you go first.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: So on that, for me, the biggest part is anytime I get irritated, frustrated.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: That's a tug.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: So most people don't know it exists.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: They think the irritation or the frustration is because someone else is doing something to them and and you know, I know, you know this, michael a lot of people don't realize that they think someone else did something to them.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: We have control of our own emotions.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: Nobody can do anything to us unless we give them control.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: So if people realize that, then ah, I'm getting irritated, I'm getting frustrated, whatever, as Robert said, when's the first time that showed up?
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Just having the acknowledgement is the first step that you're like, ooh, this could be as we call it in our community that we have friends with.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: We call them green, slimy pearls and it's like a pearl necklace because you have a whole bunch of them and you're just peeling them off, and some of them are like, really, some masks are extremely thick.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: They're almost like a fight or flight if you poke that mask.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: And so some people are like, oh heck, no, we call those the deep green, slimy ones, cause if you polish them, they're gorgeous and it's a.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I love the analogies here.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: They're just, they're fantastic.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: A hundred percent and the freedom you get like man, the freedom you get about not being triggered by other people is just a gift.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: I can't even begin to imagine, but it's the first step, in my opinion is willing to go down that road of self-discovery.
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, if you really want to be free, you've got to deal with the mask, because a trigger is just someone triggers you.
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: That's where they're showing you.
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: You are not free and it gives you an avenue.
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: It's like'm not free.
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: What's the source?
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: And you just start asking a series of questions hey, when's the last time this happened?
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: And then you find that answer okay, when was the last time before that?
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: And just keep walking it back until you find the original source and you re-look at that original source and see if you can look at it at a different perspective.
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: You're older now, so what perspective can I look at this at now?
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: And we we call it change your perspective.
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I love it.
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: And just walk it back and just keep going back asking the question Well, what?
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: What was the previous time?
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: What was the previous time?
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: And I was down in Mexico and something was said and I was like, hey, all of a sudden, something came in my mind.
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: It's like, wow, this is a mask I've been wearing that.
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: My mom left me at a gas station when I was a kid, not once, but twice.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: I'm like the heck, what mask was that?
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: I wasn't enough.
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: She didn't think I was that important at the time.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: And, if I may add one more thing on to that, is that you can, you have choices right.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: God gave us freedom of choice, so you can choose to either flee and be a victim, or what we say is go to victory and get curious.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: So, as Robert was explaining, it's just getting curious instead of judgment on ourself or accusing.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: It's like oh, let me get curious about that.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: And getting curious really puts it in a whole different realm where you're not beating yourself up, you're able to lean into it if you will, because, as humans, our brains are there to protect us and we beat ourselves up in a sense to protect us from digging into stuff and opening up those doors or peeling back those onions, whatever case you, you know you want to or however you want to say that.
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: So I love both points, guys.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: Those, those are really fantastic.
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: And I wonder you know me, being the neuroencoder, can't help myself.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: So every time you feel I'm just going to give a little tip here so it's not really wondering, it's a tip Every time you realize, hey, I'm feeling crunchy, I'm not feeling good about this, I'm anxious, I'm angry, whatever the case may be, celebrate, and I literally mean reach back, pat yourself on the back, smile, because your brain will release oxytocin and all these great chemicals that will look for that next time, so that you can literally catch it next time faster and faster and faster.
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: So just a quick little tip there, guys.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: I just wanted to bring that to you and celebrate as well.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: I mean get up, dance, move around, smile again, because smiling is the most important part when you have that realization of I am good enough because you think about those kinds of things for yourself, and when you switch that thought process, celebrate it because again it embeds, especially with movement, it embeds it in yourself more.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: So just a quick thought there, guys.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: So anything Can.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: I add one thing on to that too.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: So one thing on to that too.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: It's so cool to that.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: Also acknowledge that if you realize it or you have that acknowledgement, you give yourself the kudos that if you're not ready to step in it yet, that's OK too, because some of them are really thick and have a lot of hurt and pain behind it and you can sit on it a little while and say you know what?
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to jot it down on a paper and I'll come back with it, maybe when they're in a more energy rich state, because if you're not in an energy rich state at the time, maybe that's not the time to dive into it.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: So, always acknowledging that it's there and celebrate it, and it's okay to say you know what?
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Not today, maybe tomorrow I'm going to start with this.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that and thank you for adding that on.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: That's fantastic.
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: Also reassuring your little boy or little girl, whichever case may be, that's inside you, because it's the one that's suffering the trauma from long ago, and by reinsuring it and saying hey, I got you.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: The inner child will tend to release things a little bit easier, Thinking okay, well, you're just going to keep beating me up by abusing me and talking bad about me and things like that.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, fantastic.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: And I mean, if we look at this and I know you guys know this as well how many times do you start peeling back the onions and figuring out where it came from and where it came from and where it came from and it's like Robert said earlier, it's from your childhood, those deep-seated ones that really bother.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: You are back then.
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: Or he's onions, right, I'd say 80 or 90% of the time it is from that trauma or an emotional experience from your childhood.
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: So I love that you brought that up earlier.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: Robert, so you know I know you guys are both military.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: Obviously.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: Thank you again always for what you guys have done as a family, you know, as well as a married couple, because no one on here knows this unless they've seen you guys before or know you, but you guys were in the military at different times and at the same time, a little bit, I believe.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: So so the challenges and the let's talk about the triggers specifically with that for our, our military married couples and civilians, because it's it's similar.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: What are some some triggers that you guys noticed and how did you guys deal with that and or removing the maps?
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: that and or removing the maps, you go ahead first.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Okay, so for me, part of it is relinquishing control.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: So you know, in my military career I was in charge of a lot and so I would give a lot of orders.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: And coming home and giving orders to your spouse is not necessarily a great relationship advice.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: Don't take that hack or that tip.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: It was quite the transition for me in my military world.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: I was part enlisted but the majority of my career was as an officer, so without getting things done and in control a lot.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: And so I found when and a lot of that we talk about is being in masculine because, you know, outcome driven.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: So when I use the term masculine, we both have masculine, feminine it's just when I'm in my masculine, I'm, you know, outcome driven.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: So when I use the term masculine, we both have masculine, feminine.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: It's just when I'm in my masculine, I'm outcome driven.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: And so what that has done for me in our life is when I was come home, and I'm outcome driven and I'm wanting to get things done, he's not receiving it in the same way.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: Just think of a magnet.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: If you put the two positive ends together, they don't stick Right.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: So both of us are acting in our masculine, because that's how you know.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: I'll let him share how he showed up in his military world and so it was.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: It was extremely challenging and one point I would say it was my first appointment us being married.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: I thought I came home and I was, I was good, like I was transitioning fine, it was awesome.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: And he looked at me and said, babe, we need to go get you some help.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: You're not transitioning so well.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: Honest to god, I felt like there was a shot in the heart because that was my not good enough.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you mean?
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: I'm doing great and it wasn't.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: It's because of the relationship that we have and had that I understood it came from a place of love and not so I think for me, that was the biggest trigger.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: For me is the two strong heads going together, us operating both in our strong masculine energy.
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and those magnets will definitely push away.
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: You know, literally it's not they won't connect, but literally like push away.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: So can you share a little bit about how you were showing up after the transition for again, for the military and families that listen to the show and or we'll listen to it later, what are some of those things?
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: Because you thought I'm fantastic but you weren't.
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: So can you just share a little bit about that?
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: Would that be okay?
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: Sure, I'll share a couple that I know.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: However, I would love for Robert to share what he saw, because obviously I thought I was good to go.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: I just knew um.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: So I knew I was off and that was the best word I could use and I think you know, without getting into like deep down inside, I think that's the best term I can still use I was off.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: Like my daughter would say, is everything okay, and I couldn't really explain it.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: So I would just say I'm not feeling well or I have a headache, because it's easier to explain to a child something like that that they can understand versus just saying you know, I don't know, my brain just seems off and I think we do that anyway.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: I mean I'm tired, you know, whatever the case may be, because you don't really understand yourself, like you said, what off means.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: You feel it and thank goodness you could feel it or were aware of it.
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: So that's, that's great.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: And I was short fused, Like I could get irritated in the drop of a hat and I would allow myself to get so irritated that then I would start crying for no reason.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: Like why am I crying?
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: Like there's no reason for me to be this upset, Like I have control over my emotions.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: But I didn't, so I don't know if there was anything else that you know.
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, one of the things I noticed when when she got home was she wasn't finding joy in the thing she was doing.
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: Before she left, we would go and work out and she'd just be there just to do the workout and she wasn't enjoying going for hikes and doing a lot of things we were doing beforehand.
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: And I picked up on that right away and, not knowing everything that happened over there with her, I knew that there was some trauma around a death of a lot of friends that were attacked by VBID Right and I knew that that carried on because I had that for 20 years almost when I was in the military.
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: That carried on with me since 1991.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: And those for that don't know.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: Vieb oh, vied is VBIED is a-borne improvised explosive device.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: Sorry, my brain.
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: A car bomb.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Car bomb, there you go.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: I love how you guys work together.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Thank you, yes, I do too.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: He helps complete my brain.
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: And I knew that if you didn't get help right away with that, it was just going to keep building Absolutely.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: And I wasn't able to put those pieces together because I didn't even know I suffered from PTSD.
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: I got out in 2008.
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: That's when they says hey, you know, you've been suffering from PTSD since 1991.
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: And I didn't even know it.
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: I thought that was just the way I was supposed to feel.
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: Well, it's the norm right.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: It's what you're comfortable with.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: If you will, or used to, I shouldn't say comfortable.
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: Also in that time frame I went through two marriages.
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: I got married not long after 91.
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: It quickly ended and then I got married, stayed, stayed a while and then it ended.
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: Just so understanding that if you don't treat it right away, what the end result could be oh, absolutely, absolutely, and it's, it's, it's catastrophic.
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: I mean, as time goes on, if you don't realize you're there first of all, don't get help, don't realign with your true self.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: I mean those traumas and things just spin around and get bigger right in your head if you don't redefine what it was and change it.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: So thank you for being vulnerable guys, both of you.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: I appreciate it.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: So I would share on that.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: The 26th of this month, because of all that, we celebrate our 14 year anniversary married, so that's what's possible.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Congratulations, guys, and that's that's beautiful, and I know these people.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: You know better than you guys do being on here.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: Well, I think the cooks know you.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: It looks like they know you, and thank you for the comments uh jennifer and david appreciate it very much, um, but this, this couple, is just amazing.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: You know, and all of our life experiences, right, whether they're good or bad bring us and we grow from them from, especially from mistakes.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: We grow from them and become the new people that we are, and this relationship, in my opinion, wouldn't be as strong, as beautiful and the amazing light that you guys have if you didn't have those previous experiences.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so, kudos for doing the work, truly, thank, thank you guys, truly.
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: And another thing it taught me, too, was I didn't want to be like my father.
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: Growing up with my daughter, yeah, and one of the things I told her growing up I said and I got berated in Starbucks by a lady because she overheard me telling Hannah this Go out and fail, fail forward, because you never truly fail until the day you don't get back up.
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: So you quit.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: And with all the traumas I've been through in my life, I would not go back and change my life in one moment because, you know, I had this conversation with my mom.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: I could beat her up for all the things that I think she didn't do right, and I also have to thank her for everything she did to get me to who I am today.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: So a lot of times we berate people because they didn't do what we wanted them to do.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: You know, if you hadn't gone through what you went through, you wouldn't be the person you are today.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: So I would still go back and do all of that all over again to be the person I am today, to make the impact in the lives that I get to make.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: Amen, love it.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I'm the same way, guys.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: I I'm very proud of who I am and if you would have asked me that when I was 30 years old, I would have ducked my head and tried to crawl underneath the desk because, oh Lord, but everything I did right, just like you guys.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: Everything that I went through, all the traumas, all the things in life made me who I am today, because I learned from them and grew from them, and I always look back and say you know what the people in my life, myself, did the best I could for who I was at the time, you know, and it's very cleansing.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: So yeah, guys, we're out of time.
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: What I know.
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: So quick.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: I know it always does.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: You guys are amazing to have on the show, so I I own the place.
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: So before we go, two things um, for veterans and their families top right hand corner, the blue pr code.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: Please scan that.
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: There are all kinds of resources for both families and veterans.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: Uh, books, I've written.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: There's facebook groups.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: Please reach out, please get involved.
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: No, you're not alone out there.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: If you're struggling, I don't care if you just got deployed, just got back or it's been 25 years.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: Reach out.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: Don't go into something you know by yourself.
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: And here's the cool part Three tips to get veterans and their families further faster.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: You want to alternate?
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, okay.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: So the first one is, to your point, get help.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: Because the more you stay in your tunnel, like to yourself, all your you know the technical term is you start catastrophizing.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: You think you're the only one, you're the only one that's been through this, you're the only one that feels this way.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: As you say, it's a BS story that you tell yourself and you believe so.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: It's not, until you get the opportunity to talk to somebody else, and there's tons of people that are veterans willing to talk to other veterans to you know that can relate to you and your story.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: So that, to me, is the first and foremost, because connection is, connecting with other veterans is the first step.
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: You own the keyboard for what comes into your mind and into your body.
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: For what comes into your mind and into your body.
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: Get rid of the bad stuff and control the good stuff that's coming in, so it can make you better and heal yourself.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting here going.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: Oh my God.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: I just got chills.
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: I'm like you're going download and stuff.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: Wow, I just got chills.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: I'm like you're going to download and stuff.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: Wow, the last one number three, I would say is veterans were service to others.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: Right, we fill our cup by serving others.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: Get out there and do something.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: Find an organization.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: It's called Team Rubicon.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: It's a veteran-led organization.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: There are other organizations out there.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: Just get out and keep trying different organizations till you find one that suits you.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: And if you don't know of any, you know you can reach out to Michael for our contact info or DM us directly and we can give you some organizations that we know that we've worked with, that are really good organizations.
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: Absolutely Fantastic tips and guys.
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: Please, how do you reach you?
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: So you can reach us at either Kathy at MSM coaching group dot com or Robert at MSM coaching group dot com, and we're on Facebook and Instagram and LinkedIn.
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: Excellent, excellent, excellent.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: And, guys, I'm sure you do the same thing.
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: I just want to put this out there.
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: I don't normally do this, but we do, and I need to get verification that you guys do it as well.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: We do calls.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: It's absolutely complimentary.
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: Just to give you guys some basic tips if you're struggling how to get further, faster move forward, whether you're dealing with procrastination, hesitation, fear of failure, fear of success, all those things that as human beings, we do, but as veterans you're conditioned to not ask for help.
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: Ask, it's the most courageous thing you can do.
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: It's not a weakness, so you know.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: You know, reach out, it's a.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: We're here to help.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: That that is our purpose, that's what we're here for.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: So yes, same way.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: So we'd love to do discovery calls with people, because if we can't help you, we know enough people that we have a community to reach out to.
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: So absolutely, and I know obviously you guys and we all have our certain things we work with for the most part, but I mean I know probably 2000 other coaches that deal with other things.
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: So reach out.
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: That's the key thing and thank you guys so much.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: So find the most precious resource we have as human beings Honored and thank you guys so much for spending this 35 minutes, or whatever it's been, with us.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: Thank you guys so much.
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: Always appreciate you and love having you guys on.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Well, you and your um followers are worth it and it's our honor.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: You know I got to say something.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: I know we're supposed to get off here right now, but let's just say this Okay, I heard that, um, basically, that your life was worth it, or you know, when you guys serve and we, when we say thank you for what you did, and it is just the best response and it makes you feel so good when you hear that I got to tell you.
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: So thank you for saying that Truly, Thank you All right, everybody, we are out of here.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: All right, everybody, we are out of here.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts, your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Remember your thoughts, shape your reality.
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: So empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: Remember your thoughts, shape your reality, so make them count.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: Catch you on the next episode.