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Watch this before you argue with a narcissist! · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about arguing with a narcissist and
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  how you should watch this video before you the next time you
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  decide to argue with a narcissist or when they try to
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  pick a fight with you. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of The
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  Narcissist Code. So welcome back, welcome back,
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  welcome back folks. Yes, yes, yes.
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  Before you argue with a narcissist, think about watch
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  this video. Y'all think these are just some
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  things that you need to think about before you even respond to
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  a narcissist because you know, one thing you need to absolutely
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  know about narcissists is because sometimes they just want
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  to argue. There's no winning because they
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  want to argue, they want to fuss, they want to fight.
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  This is the goal. The goal is to argue, fuss and
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  fight with you. That's literally it.
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  It's literally the goal is to argue, fuss and fight with you.
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  So I hope that I hope that y'all understand it right there
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  because that's literally the goal.
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  Like let's fuss and fight and argue because this it
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  accomplishes a lot for them. Y'all do know that right?
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  It accomplishes a lot for them like because they sometimes they
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  can have a bad day at work and they can just come home.
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  But just like, you know what, I want to argue.
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  I need to blow off some steam. So let's meet.
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  Let me start a fight over something minute.
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  Let me pick a let me grab a fight out of thin air.
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  Let me pick a fight with you. Let me try to get a reaction
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  from you because that's all they want.
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  They want to yell, scream, fuss and fight because it let's them
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  know that they're in control or something that they have some
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  control over their life. They do.
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  They just we can fight with you because it proves to them that
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  they are in control of something other than, you know, the, the
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  the fact that they can breathe. You know, they go to work, get
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  chastised by their boss. They go to the job they don't
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  like, they get, you know, they got parents or whatever.
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  They don't, they don't really talk to they don't, they don't
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  like their friends. You know, they don't have a lot
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  going on for them in life. So they don't have a lot of
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  control over things. But guess what?
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  They can control or they think they can control you, you.
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  So sometimes they will pick a fight out of nowhere just to get
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  a reaction from you because they like it.
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  They love the reactions that you give them.
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  It empowers them to do a lot of other stuff.
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  Yeah, I'm just telling you. And the more you react, the more
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  that they will keep arguing, the more energy it's kind of like
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  you're throwing. You're throwing fuel, fuel on
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  the fire when you fight back sometimes.
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  Because ask yourself, like, ask yourself that question right
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  there. Like, what's what's the goal
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  here? What am I trying trying to
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  achieve by going back and forth for this person?
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  I know, Yeah, I know pride you have, you have pride.
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  You have an ego as well. But ask yourself, is it worth
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  going over top with this person? Because they want to drive, they
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  want to pull it out of you. They want to pull the they want
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  to pull the anger out of you because it empowers them, right?
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  The anger empowers them to keep doing the same thing over and
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  over again. It will like it will keep doing
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  the same thing. They will keep doing the same
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  thing over and over again because it empowers them.
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  It allows them to feel some type of control.
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  Sometimes it allows them to feel alive.
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  I'm bored. I'm just, they know a lot of
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  narcissists suffer from chronic boredom.
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  So I'm bored. Let me start a fight.
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  I'm upset. Let me start.
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  You know, I'm bored. I lost control.
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  I, I don't have what I want. I'm lonely, I'm sad.
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  Let me start a fight. So they will argue with you on
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  purpose. So that's something you need to
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  think about before you argue with a narcissist.
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  And another thing you need to think about is that like, yeah,
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  they have they, you know, ask yourself, what have you shared
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  with this person? Because they, there's no hope
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  when you arguing with a narcissist, typically there are
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  no holds barred. Anything that you share with
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  them is the anything that you share with them is free game.
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  All of your trauma, everything you've been through, anything
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  your deepest darkest secrets will now be hurled at at will be
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  hurled at you as an insult. They will they will bring up the
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  deepest darkest stuff that you ever told her.
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  Any type of trauma, any you know any type of trauma, any type of
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  like dark times in your life, any secrets, any time you share,
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  you know share the secret about your friend to them.
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  They'll they'll, they'll tell a friend, they'll expose you to
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  your friends or whatever you share it.
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  You share sharing secrets or sharing information with them.
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  They will do that nothing. No, there's no holes barred,
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  y'all, They want to win at all costs.
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  They want to win at all costs. You just ask yourself, you know,
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  what's the goal here? What's the plan here?
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  Because what have I shared with this person?
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  Because there's no holds barred. They're going to use it against
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  you. And sometimes they will use they
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  will say the most horrible stuff to you.
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  They will do the most horrible things to you and y'all will
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  take them back. You'll take them back.
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  You'll be back with them and, and just being realistic.
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  And it's not me trying to call you a bad person or anything
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  like that. They look at you as the enabler
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  of their own of their behaviours.
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  So it just incentivizes them to do it again.
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  Oh, I can talk to you any type of way and you'll take me back.
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  So why would they treat you better?
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  You know, a lot of people are like, how do I make them treat
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  me better? How do I, how do I make them
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  treat me better? How do I get them to stop saying
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  horrible things to me? When they say horrible things to
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  to you, hold them accountable and don't go back to them.
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  I know that's the simplest. It's me putting it.
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  I know I made it sound like it's an easy thing to do and it's not
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  always that easy, but it's something you should, you should
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  consider. Absolutely.
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  That's something you should absolutely consider because if
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  you don't, they're just going to take advantage of you.
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  They're going to take advantage of you right over top of you and
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  just treat you horribly and just say mean things to you.
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  So ask yourself before you argue with them, like what if I shared
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  with this person and are they going to expose anything that
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  I've shared with them? Because like you share things
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  with your partner in confidence because you trust your partner
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  originally. But once you realize you're
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  dealing with a narcissist, you'll learn to keep stuff to
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  yourself, like things that you can't like things that you want.
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  If you want, if you don't want anybody else to know it, don't
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  tell your narcissistic partner or ex or whoever your
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  narcissistic friend. It could be a friend too, y'all,
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  this could be a friend or a parent, Co worker, whoever it
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  is, if you don't want other people to know, don't share with
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  them because they're going to expose.
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  They're going to expose the hell out of you.
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  They will absolutely will, you know.
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  So it just gets into that space right there.
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  So if there's a question you have to ask yourself before you
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  argue with them, like they're going to expose me, they're
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  going to hurt my feelings, they're going to say the worst
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  things to me. So consider that as well.
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  And one more thing you should know about before you argue with
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  a narcissist is that they have a game plan.
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  Some of them come into the argument knowing what they're
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  going to say to you already. It's all, it's pre planned.
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  You know, it's a pre, it's a, it's, it's premeditated
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  arguments. They already know what they're
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  going to say. They already have a game plan of
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  what they're going to say, how they want the argument to go.
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  You know, how they want, what direction they want things to go
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  in. They already have that plan laid
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  out in plain sight for everybody.
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  So they want you to do it not for everybody.
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  They already have their plan laid out in their minds of what
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  they're going to say to you. If you say this, I'm going to
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  say that. If you say this, I'm going to
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  say that they already have a game plan, a goal.
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  They have a goal for the argument.
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  They already have a goal. They already have it in their
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  mind what they're trying to accomplish.
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  When y'all are arguing and fussing and fighting.
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  They already have it in their minds of what they're what
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  they're trying to do. So that's something for you to
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  consider right there before you act before you, you know, before
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  you react to them, before you argue with them that they
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  already have a plan of action. And y'all know y'all, you get a
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  lot of y'all have dealt with the, the scheming narcissist,
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  right? You've dealt with the
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  narcissistic schemer. They already have a plan of
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  action on how they want things to go.
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  They already know what they're going to say to you.
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  They already know what their goal of the argument is.
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  You know, because the goal of an argument with a lot of
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  narcissists is some of them want a reaction from you, right?
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  They have a plan already in mind.
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  It's like, OK, I'm going to start an argument.
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  I'm going to they're going to say this, I'm going to say this
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  and it's going to give me a reason to leave.
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  It's going to give me an excuse to break up with them, an excuse
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  to go out here and clap some other cheeks.
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  It's going to be give me an excuse to leave the house, to
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  turn my phone off in anger to go do what I want to do.
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  Some of them are already plea, plea, pre planned arguments.
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  They absolutely are. So like they will.
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  Yeah, I'm telling you, when they're pulling things out of
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  thin air, you know, when they're pulling this stuff out of thin
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  air, ask yourself, what the hell did that come from?
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  Why are you, Why are we, why are we fussing over this?
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  It's not that serious. They will take something so
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  small and so minute and blow it up into something huge because
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  it's their plan of action. You know, they'll intentionally
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  come home late. You, you have a plan.
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  Like you have a plan, right? And he's like, hey, please don't
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  be late tonight. Like tonight of all nights,
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  please don't be late. We have to, we have to leave the
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  house at this time right here. We have to get out of here.
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  We have to get out of here at this time, right here.
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  They will intentionally show up five minutes late or 10 minutes
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  late on purpose to mess with you, to get a reaction from you
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  so you can, you'll start a fussing fight with them and they
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  have a plan of action so they can not have to go to that
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  event. So they can not, they can go do
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  what they want to do. They can stay home.
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  They can refuse to leave the house.
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  They already they do a lot of this stuff on purpose.
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  So that's one thing you need to know is that a lot of this stuff
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  that they do is on purpose. There's a reason behind a lot of
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  the things that they do. It might not be a reason that
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  you like, but it but it's a reason nonetheless.
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  It might not be a reason that you understand, but it's a
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  reason nonetheless that they're going to keep doing this type of
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  stuff because at the end of the day, it benefits them to act
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  like this. It benefits them to be like
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  this. They enjoy, and some narcissists
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  enjoy being narcissistic. I'm not saying there's some
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  narcissistic people enjoy having a personality disorder, you
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  know, but I'm just saying that some of them enjoy being
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  detached and having a lack of empathy, you know, so it allows
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  them to say and do mean ass things from you, you know,
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  because a lot of times what they the reason behind their
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  arguments is they want a reaction from you.
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  They already have a a thought in mind to get a certain type of
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  reaction from you. So when you react, they got you.
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  And a lot of times they want to react, get you to react so they
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  can put it to put you on camera so they can record you and then
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  then they can damn near blackmail you for if you do
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  something else like I don't don't forget.
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  I get you on camera yelling and screaming at me, talking about
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  my mom, talking about my dad. Don't you ever forget I got you
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  because they will blackmail the hell out of you if you react on
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  camera or if you send them mean text messages.
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  You know of the you know say it if they send you mean text
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  messages. So I hope this video bought
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  y'all some clarity out. Hope it brought you some
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  understanding as well into the mind of a a toxic narcissistic
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  person. Not all narcissists are the same
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  and just because you said something mean to your
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  narcissistic partner or you bought something up from their
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  past doesn't mean that you're a narcissist.
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  Reactive abuse is a thing. Like I just ended what I said,
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  when they try to get you to react, get you to react and you
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  say something to them out the way they want that they want
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  reactive abuse. They want you to react to the
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  stuff they're saying and they want you to say mean things to
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  them so they can record you or they can have an excuse to
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  behave a certain type of way. They can have an excuse to
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  excuse, excuse to act a certain type of way towards you.
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  It's all up here, y'all. It's give you like I'm just
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  giving. I'm just giving you a little
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  heat to think about. I'm just keeping it hot, keeping
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  the hot ready. Like a Little Caesars pizza,
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  always like a little, like a Little Caesar's pizza.
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  I always do that, y'all. So thank you for tuning in.
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  Y'all hear my Zoom golf have to have over here for zoom call.
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  Thank you for tuning in. Make sure you like to subscribe
• 11:33
  to the channel. Check out
• 11:34
  courses.mentalillness.net for my courses and my support group
• 11:38
  called the mental healers job. Thank you so much peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:49
  to the channel helps reach more people and click on the screen
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  to watch another video or to browse through another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 11:56
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.