Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 66. The Power of Pause: Finding Joy in Summer's Unstructured Days

Transcript

66. The Power of Pause: Finding Joy in Summer's Unstructured Days · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back to another week here at the podcast, happy Thursday.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: If you're listening to this drop day, I know that many of you will probably be playing catch up on these episodes, as Maycember tends to be a time for mamas specifically, that we get buried alive and all of the extra things that come with end of year, with school and programs and sports and graduations and parties and just the whole Maycember as it's been called now, and so I know many of you will be listening to this after it's dropped live, but can't believe that we are already at the part of 2025 where we will be taking a pause for the summer, coming into the second season of the podcast.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: I had made the decision just for balance within my own family and to keep creative juices flowing and to have some breaks built in that this season would run from January until May.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: We would pause through the summer and then restart up in September and have another good couple of months, three months, through Thanksgiving, and so it is crazy to think that we are already at the episode that will be the end point for the summer.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Super excited just for some rest and some time with my family, actually going to be working really hard on the podcast over the summer, but in a different way.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: That's not so date-driven, not so dependent on schedule, more of planning, recording, being able to interview some amazing guests that I'm so excited to be bringing to you when we come back after our little respite, and I'm just excited to be able to lean into kind of some quiet time, and so just wanted to kind of today, take a few minutes just to talk through some things that are on my heart about summer things that I'm processing through.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: I know that as moms come into these seasons, there's a lot of different feelings.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Every situation is a little bit different.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: On what that looks like for a lot of our listeners, I know that you have a lot of littles at home, and so there's the kind of looking forward to of a looser schedule.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: For some of us, we're excited about not having to get out the house so early, not having to pack so many lunches, not having to have bickering over homework and schedules and running so fast, and for others they become paralyzed by we work really well in structure and this feels out of control, and so there's a lot of different emotions that go into summer and even those of us that then tend to like a looser schedule, I think by the end of summer a lot of moms are saying, okay, I'm ready for some routine, I'm ready for some structure, and there's a couple of different ways that we can go into summer and I think a lot of it is just dependent on our personalities, and so I'm not going to say that there's a right or a wrong way to do it.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I know that we all have our own coping mechanisms.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: We all have things that make us find comfort, that keep the peace.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: But one thing that I'm really working on going into this summer.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I tend to be somebody that can come into a new year or go into summer and really start to create a list of things that I want to do.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Coming into a new year, I get the long laundry list of all the organization projects I want to do, the health goals for the year, and I think all of those are good and fine and there's a place for them and they give us direction and hopefully we see them through before they kind of teeter off with the new year's resolutions.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: See them through before they, you know, kind of teeter off with the New Year's resolutions.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: But for the summer, for me, what I'm really focusing on this year is less about the to-do list or what I want to accomplish, and more about where do I want to grow.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Now again, I'm going to say that we're all going to be at different stages.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: I'm at a stage right now where I have a 15-year-old, a 20-year-old and a 23-year-old and so obviously my summers although all my kids are in our home right now are looking different than maybe somebody that has a bunch of littles.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: But I think this really applies to any of us.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I think that, no matter what our personality is, no matter how we feel, we have to attack the summer, whatever structure that needs to look like, to kind of be able to allow ourselves to let go a little bit and to focus less on accomplishments and more on growing in different areas.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: And so, for me, I kind of just made a list of just things that came to my head really, really quickly, and again it's going to sound maybe like a to-do list, but I think, as I walk through the summer and we'll talk more in specifics on some of this it's really going to free me up to be present, to really stop and think is this growing me or is this just a task?
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Is this just pressure from something else that I'm feeling?
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Is this the enemy coming at me, telling me that I'm not doing enough, that resting is wrong and I can get in this mode of if I'm not accomplishing, I'm failing, and so really just allowing my brain, my body, my nervous system, my thoughts to kind of come down a little bit this summer.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: And so the things that I wrote down, areas that I want to grow in, I want to grow in relationship.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I want to continue to grow in my health.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in my knowledge.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in rest, in the ability to just slow down and stop.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in my knowledge.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in rest, in the ability to just slow down and stop.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in my understanding of Jesus and grace.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in organization.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in both routine and also being okay with lack of routine.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in adventure.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in saying yes.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in loosening the grip of control.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in laughter.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I want to grow in joy and I want to grow in patience and really, ultimately, I want to make this summer matter.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: And I think there's this other flip side, that we have these emotions.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: There's the quote that we see all over the internet that says you know it's kind of a warning to parents Like you only have 18 summers, don't waste them.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: And I lived and died by that motto.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: And I had a girlfriend.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: I think we've talked about this on another podcast, so I might be repeating myself here, but it's just such a solid thing to think on.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I had a girlfriend that I had.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I had posted that once on Instagram and she reached out and she's like that is a lie that the enemy wants you to believe, that you only get 18 summers.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: She was a mom of adult children and she said, nikki, I have the most beautiful time with my kids still in the summer.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: And she's like, of course it looks different.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm coming into a season this year.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: I was just talking to my husband on the phone this afternoon.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: He's in California for a work trip.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: We're getting ready to head up to the lake this weekend.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: For the summer We'll be back and forth quite a bit, and this summer for us, for the first time honestly for the first time that we have had children, this is the first summer that's going to look really different, and it's because our 23,.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: She'll be 23 in August.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Your old daughter just graduated in May and is home for one year before she goes off to PA school, lord willing, and so she's working in a 40 hour a week job and an eight to five, and she's in this routine trying to gather those 1200 plus clinical hours that she needs to be able to apply and move into the next stage of working towards her physician's assistance degree in orthopedic surgery, and so she doesn't have the luxury of coming to the lake for the summer.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: This is the first year and my mama heart is sad about that.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Our 20-year-old daughter is in a work program where, if she is working for the local hospital, she's getting free tuition, and so she doesn't have the ability to walk away from that job or to pause that job for the summer to come to the lake, because she's doing really amazing things to get through school debt-free.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: And so I've got these two girls that are adults, that are not going to be coming to the lake with us like we're so used to.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I have a 15 year old son who is going to the lake, and so this year it's going to be a lot of back and forth.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: And so this is the first year in 23 years that we have had to kind of do some of this balancing because our kids haven't been with us.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: And again, I know every single family is going to look different.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Some kids are going to go to college, they're going to be in work programs, they're going to go far away, they're going to go overseas, they're going to move out right when they turn 18 and start jobs.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: I know that every situation is different, but also getting to experience now on this side of my kids being older than 18, the beauty of the amount of time that we still get together.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: We're in right now what I'm calling our encore year.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Maddie is home.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Like I said for the next year, olivia is living at home and going to nursing school here locally, and so I never would have dreamed in all of the times that I was dreading oh my gosh, they're 16.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: I only have two more years with them.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Almost a little bit of panic and a scarcity mindset of everything that I know that's good about family is about to be lost.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I'm going to lose it all, and just this almost fear of being present and then feeling really guilty if I felt like I wasn't present, or if I felt like I missed an opportunity, or when I took a nap and I thought I should have instead gone and walked the golf course, or I should have gone and sat at the pond or the stream when he was fishing.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: It can become overwhelmingly guilt-ridden as moms when we feel like we're working in a pressure cooker of the sand of time is running out, and so I just want to encourage you if you're in that mindset, I know, specifically for people as their kids start to get older, you kind of feel this pressure.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: For those of you that have kids that you're in your final summer with them before they go to college, it can be paralyzing the overwhelm of joy of being so proud of them, but absolutely I can say I was paralyzed by the countdown of losing what I thought was going to come completely to an end, and so just a little word of encouragement for people that are in that mindset is just know that there is so much beauty, there is so much opportunity, there is so much life and togetherness.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Still that comes after that 18th summer, and what my girlfriend said to me was that's a lie that the enemy wants you to believe, but she's like Nikki, what you get with your kids after that, the next stage, when you're no longer having to be there I mean you're always their parent, but you're not having to parent them.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Think about it as an adult if your parents were still parenting you, you wouldn't want to hang out with them.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: And so if your kids are with you and they're hanging out with you, they're doing it because they're choosing to.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: And so when you've created that environment that your kids want to be with you.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: You're going to continue to have that relationship and it's going to move from a parent-child relationship to really a beautiful friendship.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: And I'm already getting to see that in some cases, obviously I'm still the parent, they're still living here.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: But really how it morphs into these different stages and so just going into summer and saying I want to live in a way that I make summer matter, that I don't live in guilt, that I don't live in this suffocation of even sorrow for me, knowing, like I said, I was talking to my husband and I'm starting to get the flashbacks of a year ago, five years ago, six years ago, and a lot of it is my three kids at the lake.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: This is the time of year that we head up there for the summer.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: A little bit of sadness came over me just about how different it's going to look with just my son up there and I just felt kind of convicted like it's not just your son, you are going to get the most beautiful, precious time one-on-one, which is something you don't get very often at the lake with your son and don't don't steal the joy from that because you're focused on what you don't have.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: And so just trying to really get my mind right to do some internal work, to just kind of thinking about all the different opportunities that we can have just to grow in these things that I talked about over the summer and that was one of the main reasons for pausing the podcast.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: And one of my dear friends says that there's power in the pause and whether that's pause in making decisions, pause in reacting to something, pause in schedule.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: When there is a pause there is power in that we get to think clearer, we get to reset, we get to kind of ponder.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: And a lot of times when you pause on something, I actually had sent an email to somebody this week and I thought through it.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I thought it was exactly what I wanted to send and I read over it and I thought through it.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I thought it was exactly what I wanted to send and I read over it and I read over it and I sent it and the next day I thought, oh shoot, I wish I would have said this different, or maybe I should have just taken that out altogether.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: And the reality is sometimes, when we have the opportunity and we don't always have the opportunity to sit on something for days to contemplate.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: But the power of the pause is, it causes reflection and it causes us, I believe, to get better and to get out of some of the emotional spinning that we can do or the exhaustion or the performance that we're stuck in.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: And so just really was excited about pausing the podcast through the summer so that we get out of routine.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I'm so proud of the fact that A Heart that Beats for Home this is episode 66.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: We are solid into our second year 66 podcast episodes continuing to see great growth, starting to get people that are coming on.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: That I'm excited about that.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Two years ago, when I started dreaming and praying about the podcast, I never would have imagined so many more that are coming.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you guys to be along for the ride, to be able to sit at the feet of some of these people that have agreed to come on and to speak their wisdom and their truth and just their life with us so that we can learn from them and we can grow together.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: And so just really excited about a summer again, like I said, a summer that matters but to reflect, to plan, to refocus and to really pray about coming into the fall, really, really strong.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: So what do we do walking into the summer when we've got all these kiddos and we're trying to figure out what are we going to do to just be present?
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: And one thing that I think is a great thing to reflect on as a family is what brings you and your kids joy.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Again, different people are going to find joy and be filled up by different things.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: We're not all one cookie cutter shape.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: We have to all individually know what's right for our family.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: But just some things that I put down that I thought would just be a fun list to kind of go through, maybe to get some conversation started, no matter how young or how old your kids are.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I also have attached a ton of resources in this episode show notes.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I have attached free printables for those that are more type A, that want a little bit more routine.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: We'll talk about some of those fun resources.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: I've attached an amazing book list for you to be able to look at, some that I am purchasing for myself to read this summer and just some other things that we'll talk about, including a bunch of fun yard games that our family loves.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: But just make sure that you go to the show notes in this episode because there are a lot of great links, but what are things that bring you and your kids joy If you sit down individually together and you talk through these things?
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Here's a couple things that I jotted down that I want to really think about how I'm going to incorporate these things into my days with a little less structure than normal, how I'm going to do these things in conjunction with helping me grow in the ways that I said I wanted to grow.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: The first one is a reading plan, and I don't even like to use the word plan or goal, because the goal overall is I want to read more and I want to rest more, and it is very, very difficult for me to allow myself even if time is showing that I could do it to just sit and read in the middle of the day, and I really want to get good this year at taking a couple blocks of time throughout the day.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's in the morning when I'm doing my daily Bible reading, to just then take another half an hour and just read from a book.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Or maybe it's with my lunch Instead of scrolling on the phone or just wasting time, sit with my lunch and read for another half an hour or at sunset, to go out on the deck and just be quiet and be still, instead of turning on the TV, just being super intentional to ask myself this summer is this helping me grow in one of the areas that I wanted to?
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Or is this me numbing out, being lax-a-daisy with no schedule, wasting time, wasting opportunity?
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: And so a reading goal or plan just to allow myself to get quiet every day?
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: It's also a great idea if you have little kids.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: We always did this.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: Growing up, I knew for me, sanity meant I had to have an hour or two between like two and four or one and three where there was quiet in my home.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: And so whether you were a baby or you were I mean, obviously with a little baby you can't always dictate this, but whether you were a toddler or you were a grade school kid, we would go and have quiet time in our room.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: I didn't care if you slept, I didn't care if you read, I didn't care if you played with blocks, but you needed to be in your room.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: You needed to be quiet, because as much as they need that kind of quiet in their head and in their heart and just in the schedule, I, as a mom knew that I needed that, and even as my kids have gotten older two summers ago, with a 13-year-old, every afternoon my son had to go in his room and read.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Like we just need to be quiet.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: We need a reset.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: We need to make sure that we're not just stuck in a loop of being on electronics or getting into a slump of being lazy, and so maybe that's a great way to incorporate just a reading hour or a quiet hour into your day.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: I want to learn some new skills.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: One thing I keep contemplating is sourdough.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: I'm a little bit scared about it.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: So if you're a listener that knows me, that lives close and you want to help me with sourdough, reach out.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I'm scared of it.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I kind of want to do it.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: I also feel like it's super easy to go buy it.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: I'm battling between the eliminate things in your life that you don't need to take on and also taking on new things that seem exciting.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: But I want to learn sourdough.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: I want to learn how to cook some more high-protein meals that are good for my family, that we can meal prep.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: So these are things that all work on.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe you want to grow a garden or you want to start an herb thing outside of your kitchen, in the backyard, where you guys can go grab fresh herbs every day.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: How fun for your kids to be able to do that.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Maybe you want to plant flowers or experiment with some new skill that you're thinking about during the year.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Obviously, we don't have as many farmer's markets, especially in the Midwest, but up where we have our little lake cottage there is a awesome farmer's market and I just want to allow that time in my day on a Saturday, when there's not kids, sports and there's not running to do, to just casually with my husband or with my son or by myself, to go to the farmer's market and grab some of the things that we will eat and that we can enjoy that are a cleaner option.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Just to take on something in the summer that maybe feels overwhelming and like it can't be done in the normal part of the year.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Maybe you want to go tour a farm or a dairy farm or a cattle farm or a flower farm or any kind of farm, to let your kids and yourself just see how they operate.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Call somebody in town and say, hey, we're super interested.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Could we come over and just see how you guys do?
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's an apple orchard, maybe it's a farmer and he's going to take you out into the cornfield I don't know what it is, but just a great time to slow down and learn about some of these things that are around us.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I want to take up a hobby Now.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know that the hobby is going to happen over the summer.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: This might be a fall thing for me, but I am super interested in learning how to do pottery.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I feel like that's something that will be able to be something that I carry as a hobby when my kids are gone, and so I want to start doing things now that are established so that when my kids are all gone here, in a snap of a fingers, I have things that I'm good at, that I'm excited about, that take some time and that are passions that I'm pursuing.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: What's a hobby that you or your kids would love to learn this summer?
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: Again, call somebody, ask them to help you.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I want to hike and explore.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I absolutely am loving weighted vest walking, and what's awesome about that is it's easy.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: You can do it anywhere, you can keep your weighted vest in the car and you can pull over by a beautiful lake or on a path or at a state park.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: It's so great for you, you get to see so many beautiful things, and it's so great for your health.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: So I want to do a lot of hiking and exploring.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: I might even tuck myself in the lake that we are on all summer.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: It's a 17 mile path around the whole lake and I've always said I want to walk the whole thing.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: Maybe this is the summer that I walk the whole lake probably not with the weighted vest, but maybe it's it's gearing up for something like that.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Or maybe you want to run a 5k or a 10K or a half marathon this summer and you can slowly just be working on that in these beautiful summer days.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: I also want to be intentional in hosting friends.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: It can be very easy to kind of isolate and to pull away, and I just think this summer is such a great time Again when we don't have to be up so early with kids' routines, we can grill out, we can sit by a bonfire, we can sit in the backyard it's light later and just to be able to plan in and for me.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: I know I have to plan these things in advance.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: If I don't look at my calendar and say this Saturday night we're going to invite six couples over to hang out, or this Friday night we're going to have a bunch of kids over or whatever that looks like planning those things in.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: I also want to be intentional about doing some digital detoxing this summer, to really be intentional about being away from my phone not just not actively having it, but being away from it for periods of time.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: You've heard me talk about the AroBox, a-r-o.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: We had the founder, joey Odom, on our show man.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: I think that was maybe last summer.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: He was on during our parenting series just talking about the importance of disconnecting from our phones and the signals that that sends to our kids about.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: You matter to me, you're important to me and I know that our phones are with us because they're our camera, they're our clock, they're our alarm, they're everything.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: But the importance of just at times putting that away, face down in a drawer in the RO box and just walking away from it.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Even for me this year I'm doing the Bible recap to read through the Bible in the year and I love it, but I also can't stand that it's on my phone.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: I need to look at my phone to see what I'm supposed to be reading today and to listen to the recap video and just being okay to take a notebook and go, look at my phone and write down the passages I'm supposed to read, putting my phone back and walking away from it to read those things without my phone sitting next to me, because we all know, no matter how good of intentions, when your phone is next to you or you look at it to get the next passage that you're supposed to read, those things are programmed to suck us in because of the notifications, because of the alerts, because of the so-and-so tagged you on Facebook and we're you know we have to go look right now because what if it's a horrible picture of us or what was that?
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: And our phones are programmed literally.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: You can go watch documentaries about they are programmed when they can tell that you haven't picked it up for a minute or you haven't picked it up for two minutes.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: The sole reason that tagging was added to Instagram and Facebook, according to one of these documentaries that I watched that interviewed people that are in the programming teams, was because they're constantly looking for ways to add additional notifications to keep you wanting to open the app.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: That's crazy to think about, and so I just want to be intentional, not just from my phone.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: But are we just turning the TV on by default at six o'clock every night?
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Are we turning it on in the morning because we're just used to always doing that?
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: Just being intentional to walk away from that a little bit this summer.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: I want to have picnics.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: I want to be able to eat outside, especially being here in the Midwest right.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: It's the middle of May and it's 47 degrees outside.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: I've had to cover my plants a couple times in May because it's so chilly, like when it's beautiful and it's sunny and it's warm.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: Take your plates outside, eat outside, put a blanket in the backyard, go to the park, pack a picnic, do whatever you can just to make things more memorable and to create moments.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: And then are there maybe some new sports.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I need to continue to get better at paddleboarding.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: We have paddleboards and I go out and I'm decent at it, but I want to continue to hone that skill, so I'm really good at it.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll get to the point that I can do, like paddleboard, yoga, like you see these crazy girls doing.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: My husband really wants us to take up pickleball, so maybe this is the summer that we go start to learn how to do pickleball, or maybe you do tennis, or for you maybe it's the weighted vest.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: What are some fun things that you can do as a family.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: And one thing I want to add into this and it's one of the things that I put in the show notes for this week is one of my favorite things when I think about memories at my home with my family.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: One of the top memories that I have is always when we play yard games outside, and we try to do this pretty regularly.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: It's a super easy thing.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: It maybe is only 30 minutes where you just really quick.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: At eight o'clock at night we all walk out and we play a yard game.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: We are obsessed with a game called Kube.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: It's K-U-B-B.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: I linked it in the show notes.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: We learned about it like two years ago.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: It takes maybe 15 to 20 minutes to play a game.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: We usually do it kids against adults, and I'll have it be on record that the parents dominate in this game, not even close.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Our kids cannot get anywhere close to Jed and I on this game and so it's super fun.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: But we'll play that maybe two or three rounds.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Usually it only takes two because we win so massively the first two games that the kids don't want to have a third.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: But that's the only game we can beat them that bad at.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: In spike ball and cross net they kind of dominate us.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Well, I should say they dominate their mom.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: For sure, their father is far more athletic than their mother, but it's just such a fun thing.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: They always bring out a speaker.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: That's what high school and young adult kids do.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: They always got their music.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: So that's okay, you just got to go with it.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: It's not just the quiet birds chirping, but it's hilarious.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: The other night when we were out there, my husband broke into line dancing.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: The next thing I knew he was teaching our kids line dancing instead of playing the game.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: But it's just a fun, easy time in the backyard.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: So what are a couple of yard games that you can purchase and that you can just have, and maybe two three times a week?
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: You guys just go out and you spend 30 minutes playing a yard game and that 30 minutes alone if that's the only thing you do this summer, that's different will create memories and will create laughter.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Probably will also create some fights, because that's just part of real life and kids and parents and emotions.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: But the majority of the time that we carve that out to do that, we laugh a lot and we have a really, really great time.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: I also want to create the habit this summer of saying yes, I am again a little bit type A in some things.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: I'm performance driven, so I wake up with a list of things to do and accomplish and I can take that too seriously and sometimes I miss opportunities with my kids to just slow down and be present.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: A great example of that is again, since our son is going to be up at the lake alone with us for a good part of the summer.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Hopefully the sisters will be able to come up for a week or two.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: The other day he said Mom, this summer it'll be fun because I can take the boat now farther and it's a pretty big lake and so we've created boundaries.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: Last year he had his boater safety and so he was allowed to take the fishing boat out, kind of in.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: You know the little area by our house where I could walk out to the end of the dock and I could see him and, um, he did a great job and so this year he's pretty convinced that he should.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: At 15, almost 16, he's got a permit, he's driving a vehicle, he should certainly be able to take the boat and go all the way across the lake, which is six miles, and my mom heart says absolutely not.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: It's totally different than you being in a car with me, like it's water you could drown.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: There's so many things that fell out of my control.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: And so he said to me the other day well, I have a great solution.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Since it'll just be, you know, you and me during the day, since dad's working, you can just get in the fishing boat and read your book while I drive the boat wherever I want to go, so that I can take it across the lake.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: And my initial reaction was that would be such a waste of time, like.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: I didn't say that out loud, but I'm thinking I don't have the luxury of just sitting for four hours in a boat or two hours in a boat while you fish.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: And I was so convicted to be like you absolutely do, nikki, and that should be the easiest yes of your summer.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: And I guarantee you that it would be probably some of the most precious memories that 5, 10, 15 years from now, when I think back about time, with my sweet 15-year-old son, who was actually with me and is kind and is funny and is actually really fantastic to be around.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I love being with him.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: I really had to tell myself so, getting your flowers planted and having a clean house and getting your to-do list done and getting your 10,000 steps in, are those things more important to you than just slowing down and sitting with a book in a fishing boat a couple of days a week for two or three or four hours?
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: And I had to really be like, okay, that's what I need to do, so just being cautious to.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's so quick for us to our kids to say no, not right now or maybe later, or I'm busy, or I'm doing this to just when a kid comes to you and says, mom, mom, mom, mom, no matter how tired we are, no matter how it's gonna take us off course, to just say at the end of the day today, when I lay my head on the pillow, will I have more fond memories of getting my dishes done or of my kitchen being messy, but of sitting on the floor with a kid and building the Legos or going for the walk around the block or making the scavenger hunt that you're like?
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I don't want to make a scavenger hunt, but go to the computer and quick print out a scavenger hunt and go do it with them.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: Find the opportunities when they're asking for your attention, to give it to them, even if it's just for these short little times, because I know that it's something that we won't regret.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: Then, for those of you that are a little bit more OCD type A, that just say I've got too many little kids or I'm too structured, I've included some great resources for you as well in the show notes.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: There's a really cute one that a mom came up with that was a schedule for the five days and it was make it Monday time to read.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: Tuesday, wet and wild Wednesday, thinking Thursday and either fun with friends or fun food Fridays.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: And so maybe if you want more structure or you have kids that really love to go and to do and they like planning and they like crafts and they like baking and they like all the things that they're constantly asking you, maybe something like this is a super fun structure for you going into summer to be like hey guys, this is what we're doing.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: We're gonna make something on Mondays, we're gonna go to the library or we're going to take our books, to the park, or we're going to go sit by the river, we're going to go read, we're going to be quiet.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're going to go to water parks, you're going to get a slip and slide or go to the community pool or to a friend's pool or to the local river and go fishing on wet and wild Wednesdays Thinking Thursday what are different things that you can go do?
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's when you're touring a farm or you're going to a factory or you're going to a discovery museum, and then fun with friends or fun food Friday.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: It would just be a fun way to have an hour of your day or two hours of your day that have something that the kids are looking forward to.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: But then the rest of the day you can say hey, go play outside, go read your book, go build your blocks.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: We did our big thing and now we're just kind of all going to relax a little bit, and so I think it's just a fun time.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: You know you best, you know you best, and so lean into what brings you and your family joy and peace.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: And if that's a lot of structure, great, do that.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: If you're too structured and that actually takes some of the joy and living in the moment out of your life.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're challenging yourself this summer to just lean away from that a little bit and just soak up the moments, be okay to say yes, be okay to have the adventure to try the new thing.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: This is another great time.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: Great time for us to take advantage of our girlfriends, who also are in a little bit slower season, without all the extracurricular and I know that these days, in this climate, right now, in this culture, our kids still have plenty on the calendars.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: But just eliminating some of the school hustle and bustle, this is a great time to call your girlfriend that you trust and say, hey, would you be willing to swap date nights twice a month?
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: If I take your kids on Wednesday night or you take my kids on Thursday night, would you be willing to do a date swap Because I really want to be able to date my husband?
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe you agree to.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: In June you take her kids overnight.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: In July she takes your kids overnight and you get a 24 hour away with your husband.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Plan it, go into community with people to make things happen this summer that are growing you in the different ways that you want to grow, I have to believe, if you're married, you want to grow in your relationship with your spouse, and summer can drain us.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: It can absolutely burn us out.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: We can be so kitted out, touched out, planned out, programmed out, dirty, housed out by the time our husbands come home that they get nothing from us and maybe this is a great time to just build in some of that stuff.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: It's also a great time to take things off of your schedule.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: I have always loved to use summer for everyone to go to the dentist, everyone to go to the eye doctor, everyone to get their sports physicals for the next year.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: Like, get those things done in the summer, when you can plan them in, when it might be the only thing on your day, as opposed to come September and Johnny can't see the board and they're calling you because there's soccer practice for the soccer season at four o'clock and your kid can't participate because their sports physical is overdue.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: Just program those things in now.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Go, get those things done now when we have a little bit more open time on our calendars.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: So you guys, I am excited to go into this summer.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I hope that it's a beautiful time for you guys.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: I hope that you walk away at the end of summer and you really, you really can say that you grew in relationship, in your health, in the ability to just rest and relax and soak in moments, because ultimately, that's what's going to bring us so much more joy than having a perfectly organized home.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: Although there are great things that come from that, it's really about a lot of the things like relationship that makes such a huge impact, and so I'm excited for you guys to have time.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: I'm excited for our family to have time.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: I hope that it's a beautiful season for you.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: I hope that you'll continue to come in here and pull up old podcasts that maybe you haven't listened to yet, or maybe there's some that you want to re-listen to.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for just all the different individuals that have given us their time over the last 66 episodes to pour into us, to give so much wisdom and knowledge, and just super excited and encouraged about what's to come as we finish up season two, starting in September, but also just as we are about to go into our third year of the podcast.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: It seems absolutely crazy and I'm just excited to see what God's going to do with it.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you guys all being here for the ride.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: I appreciate the feedback that you give, the notes that you send, the ratings and reviews.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: It is so great to be in this community with you guys.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: Have a great summer, soak it all up, say yes, rest, relax, learn some new skills, be adventurous and just laugh a lot as you get to capture this time with the people that are most important to you.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: So until we see you back here again in September, have a great summer, friends, and take care.