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REFINED FOR A PURPOSE — Conversation IV: Taming the Tongue — When Refinement Reaches Your Mouth · PAMOJA PODCAST | PAMOJA MINISTRY, A LIFE OF CHRIST INTERNATIONAL MINISTRIES

• 0:00
  Welcome to Pomoja Ministry. Throughout this journey
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  of refined for a purpose, God has been taking
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  us deeper. We began by asking, what if the intervention
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  was about you? Then we discovered that the fire
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  reveals what success can hide. And in our last
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  conversation, we established a foundational principle.
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  Discipline protects vision. But now we must bring
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  that discipline into one of the most difficult
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  areas of human life to govern. Our words. Our
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  reactions. Our conversations. Our mouth. Because
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  you can discipline your schedule. You can discipline
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  your finances. You can discipline your body.
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  You can establish boundaries in relationships.
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  You can walk away from certain environments.
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  But James asks us to examine something we carry
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  everywhere we go, the tongue. And James chapter
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  3 gives us one of the strongest teachings in
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  scripture about spiritual maturity. A bit, a
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  rudder, a spark, three small things. Yet each
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  one possesses the ability to control, redirect,
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  or destroy something much larger than itself.
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  And perhaps James is warning us, never underestimate
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  something simply because it appears small. James
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  3 -2 says, if anyone does not stumble in what
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  he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle
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  his whole body. That is an extraordinary statement.
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  James connects control of the tongue with maturity.
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  Why? Because controlling your mouth requires
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  control over something deeper. Your emotions.
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  Your pride. Your anger. Your ego. Your need to
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  be right. Your desire to defend yourself. Your
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  need to retaliate. Your desire to expose what
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  you know. Your frustration. Your insecurity.
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  Sometimes the battle is not really with your
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  mouth. The mouth is simply revealing the battle
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  happening inside your heart. Jesus said that
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  out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth
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  speaks. So when God begins refining our speech,
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  he is not simply teaching vocabulary. He is reaching
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  into the heart. The bit, the rudder, and the
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  fire. James gives us three powerful pictures.
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  First, the bit. A horse is powerful, much stronger
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  than the person riding it, yet something small
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  placed in its mouth can direct the entire animal.
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  Then James speaks about ships. A ship can be
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  enormous, driven by powerful winds, yet a comparatively
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  small rudder determines its direction. Then James
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  gives perhaps the most frightening picture, fire.
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  A tiny spark can burn an entire forest. Think
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  about that. The spark is small. The consequences
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  are enormous. And so are words. A sentence may
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  take five seconds to speak. But the consequences
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  may remain for five years. One statement can
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  damage trust. One rumor can damage a reputation.
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  One angry response can damage a relationship.
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  One careless comment can wound a child. One humiliating
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  statement from a leader can remain in an employee's
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  mind for years. One conversation can divide a
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  church. One accusation can destroy a friendship.
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  One secret revealed carelessly can change someone's
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  life. One post can reach thousands of people
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  before wisdom has time to catch up with emotion.
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  The words were small. The forest was large. We
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  have been talking throughout this season about
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  fire. But James introduces another kind of fire.
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  A fire we can start ourselves. This is important.
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  Not every fire in your life came from an enemy.
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  Not every battle was started by someone else.
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  Sometimes we have to possess enough humility
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  to say, my mouth started this one. I said too
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  much. I responded too quickly. I spoke while
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  angry. I repeated something that wasn't mine
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  to repeat. I assumed something before knowing
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  the facts. I spoke from offense rather than wisdom.
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  I humiliated someone because I had authority.
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  I wanted to win the argument more than I wanted
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  to preserve the relationship. I was right in
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  what I said, but wrong in how I said it. That
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  realization is painful. But remember what we
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  learned. Exposure can be mercy. If God shows
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  you that your mouth has become a source of unnecessary
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  fires, He is not showing you so you can live
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  in shame. He is showing you because He wants
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  to refine you. This is where maturity becomes
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  difficult. Because sometimes we believe that
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  if something is true, we automatically have permission
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  to say it. But truth and wisdom are not enemies.
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  You can possess truthful information and still
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  need wisdom about when to say it, where to say
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  it, how to say it, why you are saying it, and
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  whether you are the person who should say it.
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  There are moments when silence is not weakness.
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  Silence is discipline. You may know something
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  about someone. That does not mean you must broadcast
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  it. You may have evidence capable of embarrassing
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  someone. That does not mean humiliation is righteous.
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  You may have the perfect response to an insult.
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  That does not mean you need to release it. You
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  may be able to win the argument, but winning
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  the argument may cost you something more valuable
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  than the argument itself. Discipline asks, what
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  am I trying to protect? One of the hardest disciplines
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  is learning that you do not have to answer everything
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  said about you. That is difficult, especially
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  when you know the truth, especially when you
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  possess information that could defend your reputation,
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  especially when someone has misunderstood your
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  motives. Everything inside you wants to respond,
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  correct them, explain yourself, expose them,
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  show everybody the evidence, but sometimes God
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  says, Be still. Jesus demonstrated extraordinary
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  restraint. Isaiah's prophecy describes him as
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  a lamb before its shearers who did not open his
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  mouth. That does not mean Christians should never
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  defend themselves. There are appropriate times
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  to answer accusations, pursue justice, establish
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  facts, and speak truth. But there is a difference
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  between defense governed by wisdom and reaction
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  governed by wounded pride. One seeks truth, the
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  other seeks retaliation. And only the Holy Spirit
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  can sometimes show us which one is speaking.
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  Anger wants immediate access to your mouth. Anger
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  is not always sinful. Scripture says, be angry
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  and do not sin. So the presence of anger is not
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  necessarily the problem. The question is, what
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  does anger receive permission to control? your
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  hands, your decisions, your messages, your social
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  media, your mouth. Anger wants immediacy. It
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  says, say it now. Wisdom says, wait. Anger says,
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  send the message. Wisdom says, read it tomorrow.
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  Anger says, make sure they understand who they
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  are dealing with. Wisdom asks, what will this
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  accomplish? Sometimes, one of the greatest acts
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  of self -discipline is refusing to give temporary
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  emotion permanent vocabulary, because tomorrow
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  your anger may be gone, but your words may still
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  be living in somebody else's heart. We discussed
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  Moses in our previous conversation, but look
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  again at Numbers 20. Israel complains. Moses
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  is frustrated. God gives Moses instructions.
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  But when Moses stands before the people, something
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  comes out of his mouth. Hear now, you rebels.
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  Then Moses acts. Years of frustration appear
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  in one moment. And this is where leadership becomes
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  serious. Because leaders often carry accumulated
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  pressure. People complain. People misunderstand.
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  People criticize. People expect. People demand.
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  And if that pressure is never surrendered to
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  God, Eventually, it can find an exit, sometimes
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  through the mouth. This is why leaders especially
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  need private places of surrender, because if
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  you don't release your frustration before God,
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  you may release it onto people. There is another
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  level of refinement that happens when you become
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  a leader. When you have authority, your words
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  carry different weight. A joke from a co -worker
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  is one thing. The same joke from a supervisor
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  may feel completely different. A careless statement
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  from a stranger may disappear. A careless statement
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  from a parent can remain in a child's memory
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  for decades. A frustrated comment from a church
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  member is one thing. The same statement from
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  a spiritual leader may deeply wound someone.
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  Authority amplifies words. Therefore, greater
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  authority requires greater discipline. James
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  begins his teaching with a warning. Not many
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  of you should become teachers, for you know that
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  we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.
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  Why begin there? Because influence creates responsibility.
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  The more people listen to you, the more carefully
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  you must speak. The greater your authority, the
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  greater your responsibility to govern your mouth.
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  James wrote about the tongue long before smartphones,
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  long before Facebook, long before TikTok, long
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  before YouTube, long before comment sections.
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  But imagine James chapter three in our generation.
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  Today, your tongue has Wi -Fi. A reaction that
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  once might have reached five people can reach
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  5 ,000. You can become angry at 10 o 'clock,
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  write something at 10 .02, post it at 10 .03,
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  and by 10 .10, people you have never met are
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  participating in an emotion that may have already
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  passed. Technology has increased the reach of
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  the tongue, but increased reach requires increased
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  discipline. Not everything you feel belongs online.
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  Not every disagreement requires a post. Not every
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  accusation requires a public response. Not every
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  private conflict should become public content.
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  Sometimes deleting the post is discipline. Sometimes
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  closing the app is discipline. Sometimes writing
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  the response and never sending it is discipline.
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  Sometimes praying before posting is refinement.
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  Gossip When information becomes entertainment.
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  We also need to talk about gossip, because gossip
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  can disguise itself as concern. I'm only telling
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  you so you can pray. Maybe. But would you still
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  tell them if there were no interesting details?
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  Would you say the same thing if the person were
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  sitting beside you? Would you want someone discussing
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  your weakness in the same way? Gossip takes someone
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  else's vulnerability. and turns it into conversational
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  currency. And sometimes the greatest evidence
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  of maturity is possessing information you have
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  the power to spread and choosing not to. Trust
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  requires disciplined mouths. Families require
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  disciplined mouths. Friendships require disciplined
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  mouths. Churches require disciplined mouths.
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  Leadership requires disciplined mouths. But James's
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  warning should not make us afraid of speaking,
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  because the tongue is not only capable of destruction.
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  Words can heal. Words can restore. Words can
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  encourage. Words can reconcile. Words can bless.
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  Words can teach. Words can defend someone who
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  cannot defend themselves. Words can speak truth
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  into confusion. Words can remind someone who
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  has fallen that mercy still exists. Words can
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  tell a child, I believe in you. Words can tell
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  a spouse, I appreciate you. Words can tell someone
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  who has failed, get up again. Words can tell
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  someone walking through fire, you are not alone.
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  The same mouth capable of starting fires can
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  become an instrument of healing. And that is
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  what refinement does. God does not simply want
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  to silence your mouth. He wants to sanctify it.
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  Think about Peter. Peter often spoke before thinking.
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  He corrected Jesus. He made bold promises he
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  could not sustain. He denied Jesus three times.
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  Peter's mouth repeatedly revealed his impulsiveness.
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  But then something happened. The Holy Spirit
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  transformed Peter. And the same man, whose mouth
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  once revealed instability stood on the day of
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  Pentecost and proclaimed Christ with courage
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  and clarity. Thousands responded. Think about
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  that transformation. God did not remove Peter's
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  voice. God refined it. The same mouth that had
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  been associated with denial became a mouth associated
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  with proclamation. That is redemption. God does
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  not necessarily want to remove your personality.
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  He wants to govern it. He doesn't necessarily
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  want to remove your boldness. He wants to sanctify
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  it. He doesn't necessarily want to make you silent.
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  He wants your speech submitted to him. Can God
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  trust you with a bigger microphone? Perhaps before
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  asking God for greater influence, we should ask,
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  Can God trust my mouth with greater influence?
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  Can he trust me with information? Can he trust
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  me with authority? Can he trust me when I am
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  angry? Can he trust me when someone attacks my
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  reputation? Can he trust me when I know something
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  damaging about someone else? Can he trust me
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  with disagreement? Can he trust me with correction?
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  Can he trust me with a platform? Because greater
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  visibility means greater reach. And greater reach
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  means one spark can reach a much larger forest.
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  Maybe God is refining your mouth because he intends
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  to increase your voice. Before you speak, maybe
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  we need to develop a spiritual discipline before
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  speaking. Before you say it, ask, is it true?
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  But don't stop there. Is it necessary? Is it
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  mine to say? Is this the right time? Is this
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  the right place? Is my motive restoration or
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  retaliation? Am I speaking from wisdom or wounded
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  pride? Will these words protect what God has
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  entrusted to me or threaten it? Sometimes after
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  answering those questions, you will still need
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  to speak. Speak courageously. Speak truthfully.
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  Speak clearly. But sometimes the Holy Spirit
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  will whisper, don't say it. And obedience in
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  that moment may protect something you cannot
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  yet see. This season is not simply about becoming
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  more religious. It is about becoming more governed
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  by the Holy Spirit. That means refinement must
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  reach the places where we are most reactive.
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  Our emotions, our appetites, our relationships,
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  our decisions, and yes, our mouth. Because what
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  good is a powerful vision if one uncontrolled
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  sentence can destroy the trust required to build
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  it? What good is influence if our words continually
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  wound the people God sends us to serve? What
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  good is leadership if nobody feels safe around
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  our reactions? What good is knowing scripture
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  if our mouth humiliates people? What good is
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  being right if the way we communicate truth continually
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  destroys relationships? Character must reach
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  our conversations. Maybe today God is putting
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  his finger on your words, not to condemn you,
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  to prepare you. Maybe there are conversations
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  you need to stop participating in. Maybe there
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  is someone you need to apologize to. Maybe there
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  is information you need to stop repeating. Maybe
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  there is a message you should not send. Maybe
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  there is a post you should delete before publishing.
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  Maybe there is an argument you need to stop trying
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  to win. Maybe there is a person you need to start
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  speaking to with greater dignity. Maybe you have
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  used honesty as an excuse for harshness. Maybe
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  you have used authority as permission to humiliate.
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  Maybe your anger has had too much access to your
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  mouth. If God reveals it, don't defend it. Remember,
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  exposure can be mercy. Let Him refine it. James
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  tells us that no human being can tame the tongue
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  by human strength alone. And perhaps that is
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  exactly where we must end. Because this is not
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  simply another self -improvement exercise. We
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  need the Holy Spirit. We need God to reach places.
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  Discipline alone cannot reach. We need him to
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  heal the wound producing the angry words. We
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  need him to confront the pride producing the
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  defensive words. We need him to heal the insecurity
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  producing the boastful words. We need him to
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  confront the jealousy producing the gossip. We
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  need him to heal the fear producing the lies.
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  We need him to transform the heart. Because when
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  God changes the source, the stream begins to
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  change. And perhaps the prayer is not simply,
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  God control my mouth. Maybe the deeper prayer
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  is, God refine the heart from which my words
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  are coming. Because discipline protects vision.
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  And sometimes protecting the vision means protecting
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  it from our own reactions. So before you speak,
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  pause. Before you respond, pray. Before you post,
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  discern. Before you expose, examine your motive.
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  Before you retaliate, remember what you are carrying.
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  Your purpose may be more valuable than winning
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  this argument. Your family may be more valuable
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  than proving your point. Your testimony may be
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  more valuable than having the last word. Your
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  future may be more valuable than satisfying today's
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  anger. Sometimes the strongest thing you can
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  say is nothing. Sometimes the strongest response
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  is restraint. Sometimes the evidence that God
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  is refining you is that the old version of you
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  would have responded, but the refined version
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  knows when to remain silent. God is refining
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  our hearts. God is refining our reactions. God
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  is refining our words. God is refining our character.
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  Because he is preparing us to carry something
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  greater. The fire has reached our mouth and even
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  here we are being refined for a purpose. This
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  is Pomoja Ministry and in our next conversation
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  we will go deeper into something that often happens
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  long before the public failure. Compromise. Because
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  collapse rarely begins on the day everybody sees
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  it. It often begins with a small seed that somebody
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  decided to tolerate. Conversation five, the seed
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  that weakens resistance.