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162 // The Positive Side of Rejection Sensitivity in ADHD · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

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  If you read the title for today's episode, you might be asking yourself,
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  really, is there a positive side to rejection sensitivity and ADHD?
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  I encourage you to stick around so that you can find out.
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  Are you tired of feeling like you don't fit in? Like you're not good enough the way you are?
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  In this podcast, I will give you the strategies to build God-centered confidence
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  so you can know in your heart that you do belong, you are enough,
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  and you are made on purpose and with a purpose.
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  Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host,
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  Kelsey, and today we're going to talk about the potential positive that can
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  come from rejection sensitivity.
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  Now, before you tune me out, let me start by saying I understand that rejection
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  sensitivity feels awful, that when we,
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  are rejected, feel rejected, we perceive that failure or rejection,
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  it can be like a punch to the gut we can feel sick to our stomach we can feel incredibly,
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  anxious and it is not a good feeling at all so right now you might be asking
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  yourself how could there possibly be
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  a positive side to this i will get into that in just a second but before i do
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  make sure you stay till the end where i will have four questions that you can ask yourself
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  in order to see the positive side of rejection sensitivity and move into that.
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  Before we do that, though, don't forget to click the follow button so that you
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  don't miss out on future episodes. So.
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  I believe that especially as women with ADHD, we have experienced pain,
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  we've experienced rejection, we,
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  have experienced forms of what feels like failure when we were really trying
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  our best, when we were bringing everything we had to the table and being told, whether,
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  overtly or covertly told, that's not enough.
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  And we've internalized that with shame saying that we are not enough.
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  And this can cause so much pain.
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  And I think it's really important for us to go through those emotions,
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  go through what we're experiencing, and find that healing that we need.
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  I think that's a really important step.
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  But I also believe that when we have experienced hard things,
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  when we've gone through challenges, through trials, and we've come to the other side, we have a choice.
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  We can stay in bitterness we can stay in anger we can feel like it's unfair
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  which often it is life is not fair and that can be incredibly discouraging and frustrating,
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  but we also have the choice of what we do next and this is where i believe there
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  is a potential positive side to rejection sensitivity in adhd and let me explain what i mean.
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  When we go through trials, we go through things that are difficult,
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  we go through grief, I believe we can become more loving, more compassionate, more understanding.
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  And why there's a positive side to that is I believe that the things that are
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  difficult in our lives, that we work through instead of trying to go around
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  or shove down or avoid, the things that we go through.
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  We can help others go through that same thing.
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  I look at the verse in the Bible in Luke 7, 47. It says, Therefore I tell you,
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  her many sins have been forgiven, for she loved much.
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  But he who has been forgiven little loves little.
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  Now how this connects is I believe
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  that if we have experienced a lot of difficulty, a lot of rejection.
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  I think we are going to be able to better help other people who have also experienced
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  a lot of difficulty or rejection because we ourselves have experienced it.
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  We know firsthand the difficulties and we can be compassionate to other people
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  as a result. And so I believe, and I'm going to go into more detail,
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  but I believe that this is a positive side to rejection sensitivity.
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  Now, don't get me wrong, I would rather just get rid of, you know,
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  rejection sensitivity, dysphoria, and rejection sensitivity altogether.
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  I think that would be great if we could just remove it.
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  But I don't think it's entirely possible to remove that. I think we can have
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  strategies to protect ourselves, strategies to respond when we do feel rejected
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  or when we're afraid of future rejections or failures.
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  But I do think that in the meantime, a positive side is that when we've experienced
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  something difficult, when we have experienced this rejection,
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  it helps us to see and to feel at a deeper level and to recognize.
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  I don't know about you, but I've always been able to recognize when somebody
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  else is feeling hurt or low, you know, at a social gathering of people,
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  I can see when somebody seems a little bit off.
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  Now, something for me, I have always struggled, and I'm going to get to those
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  four questions that I want you to ask yourself, but something I've always struggled
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  with, I've always struggled to feel like I belong, even in childhood with me.
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  Neighbors, you know, the neighbor girls would be playing some sort of,
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  I wouldn't even call it a video game. It was like a computer game where you'd
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  dress the doll or whatever it was.
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  And I just remember I really wanted to play and I wouldn't get a turn and I'd
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  get so frustrated and then they would laugh at me and, you know,
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  I'd go back home feeling so rejected and hurt.
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  And this continued, you know, in my teen years, I didn't feel like I fit in with a lot of my peers.
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  And then in my 20s and then even continued into motherhood where I felt like the other,
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  women that I knew that had kids were just completely different from me and you know what,
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  it kind of sucks it's not fun I'm not saying that this is something ideal that
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  I want to be dealing with that I have always been dealing with but guess what,
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  it has also given me a purpose in that I understand that feeling of not belonging, of not fitting in.
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  And it has allowed me, God, to use this area of my life to now hopefully help
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  others through coaching that I offer via my website,
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  and then also through this podcast and through the course that I am still working
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  on, the 30-Day ADHD Confidence Course.
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  And I think that's the positive that we can find, that you have something unique to offer.
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  You have your own unique story to share with the world.
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  You have your own unique challenges that you are going through,
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  that you have gone through, things that you can help other people with that
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  maybe somebody else can.
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  Your ability to help other people in different ways is going to be different than mine.
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  And so I just want to encourage you that there can be purpose that can come out of that pain.
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  I'm not saying that it's, you know, good or nice to experience that rejection
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  or rejection sensitivity, but I want you to look in the questions I'm going
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  to give you here in a second.
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  I want you to look at how we can use these to find purpose of helping other
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  people, of encouraging other people.
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  So the questions that I'm going to give you here, the first one I want you to
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  look at is what is something difficult that you've experienced and come through the other side of?
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  Now when I say that you've come through the other side of it,
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  I don't mean that you're completely past it, it never affects you.
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  I think a lot of these things that we struggle with, they stay with us to some extent.
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  You're something that you're not in the middle of or that you haven't just started
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  maybe you are a couple of years into it maybe it's something,
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  you know from several years back what is something difficult that you've experienced
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  that you've worked through,
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  the second question to go with this is how can you then help others with this
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  same thing is there some sort of community group that you can be a part of that
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  has to do with this? Is there an online group?
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  Are there specific people that you know that are going through this same kind of thing?
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  Do you want to have an online platform like a podcast or social media where
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  you can talk about this and help others to feel seen, heard,
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  and understood if they are going through the same things that you went through?
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  Number three, asking yourself, how can you make it align with who you are?
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  Now, what I mean by that is I
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  don't believe God calls us to things that He doesn't already equip us for.
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  And so when you are going to help others, I look, you know, from my example,
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  when God had asked me to start a podcast, I used to be a teacher,
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  and I love learning, and I love teaching.
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  And so that was something that for me felt like it aligned with who god had
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  equipped me to be and to serve and so i want you to look at,
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  your gifts your passions your talents and then also your different needs in
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  your life your foundational needs and your life-giving needs and i'm going to
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  link a couple episodes below so that you can figure out what those are if you haven't already,
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  but as an example for me one of my foundational needs is social connection and
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  so doing something like one-on-one coaching,
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  and even teaching and things like that meet some of those needs.
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  So I want to make sure that what you are choosing to do, how you're choosing
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  to love others and to serve also aligns with who you are.
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  Now the last one here, not so much a question, but.
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  But it's important for us to remember that it's not about us,
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  and it also is at the same time.
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  What I mean by that is that there's a kid's book that came out quite a few years
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  ago, a couple of them actually. One called, Have You Filled a Bucket Yet Today?
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  And the other one is called, How Full Is Your Bucket? And essentially the premise
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  is that we each have this bucket, and when it's full, we feel good.
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  We feel good about our lives and who we are.
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  And when it's empty, you know, we've felt rejected, we feel like we've failed,
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  people are making fun of us, whatever it is.
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  We feel low and empty and angry.
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  And the way that you can fill your own bucket is actually by filling other people's.
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  And that's what I want to encourage you with this is that rejection sensitivity and ADHD sucks. It does.
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  It doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good to be so afraid of rejection that
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  we avoid opportunities.
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  It doesn't feel good to feel that rejection. Just the other day at the coffee
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  shop, I met some people and I felt so rejected by them and so hurt.
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  And, you know, in the end, I ended up finding out that my perception of it might
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  not have been entirely accurate, but it still felt awful.
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  And so I want to encourage you, though, that instead of sitting in that fear
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  of more rejection and failure, which doesn't feel very good,
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  our other choice is how can we use the experiences that we've had to help others?
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  How can we use those experiences to help others through those same struggles
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  to help others feel seen and heard and understood,
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  if this is something that you want help walking through you're not sure what
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  the first steps are you're not sure how to figure this out i would love to partner
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  with you through coaching and if you're not sure what coaching is essentially
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  it is a low pressure conversation that we have,
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  but it's a conversation that is guided to help you believe in yourself again
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  to help you see a path forward
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  to help you really understand who you are what you want and where you're going
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  if that interests you go to adhdwithconfidence.com forward slash offerings that's.
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  Adhdwithconfidence.com forward slash offerings and i will be with you every
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  step of that journey all right a quick recap here if you want to see the positive
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  side work on the positive side of rejection sensitivity.
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  I want you to ask yourself, what's something difficult you've experienced and
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  come to the other side of? How can you use that to help others?
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  How can you make it align with who you are? And how can you fill someone else's
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  bucket and bless someone else?
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  I hope this has encouraged you in some way. Thank you so much for taking the
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  time to be with me here today. I always appreciate it. Until next time, God bless.