Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / When a Mentor Becomes a Lifelong Career Advisor
Transcript
- Lucas: So we talk a lot on this show about finding a mentor, asking for help, turning a mentor into a sponsor. But there's a quieter, more powerful version of this relationship that rarely gets discussed — the mentor who becomes a lifelong career advisor. Luna: Someone you keep going back to for years, not just during one job search or one promotion cycle. Lucas: Exactly. And I think a lot of people assume that's just luck — you click with someone and stay in touch. But there's actually a pattern to how these relationships are built and maintained. I want to anchor on a specific example: A.G. Lafley, the former CEO of Procter & Gamble. Luna: Lafley — he ran P&G from 2000 to 2010, then came back for a second stint in 2013. Lucas: Right. In his book Playing to Win, he talks about having a small group of senior advisors he consulted for decades. Not a formal board, not paid consultants — people he'd worked with earlier in his career who he trusted to tell him hard truths. He'd call them before big decisions, sometimes just to pressure-test his thinking. Luna: And these weren't people he saw every week. It was more like a few times a year, but consistently, over 20-plus years. Lucas: That's the key — consistency over time, not frequency. And it's not just for CEOs. I talked to a marketing executive named Sarah — mid-career, she'd worked at three different companies in consumer goods and tech. She's had the same mentor for 15 years. They met when she was a brand manager at General Mills, and he was a senior VP who'd been assigned as her onboarding buddy. They just clicked. Luna: And when she moved to PepsiCo, then later to a startup, she kept him in the loop? Lucas: She did. But not by accident. She told me she made a deliberate decision after the first year: she wanted this to be a relationship that lasted, not just a situational one. So she started doing a few specific things that I think are worth unpacking. Luna: Okay, let's hear them. Lucas: First, she made it reciprocal. A lot of people treat mentorship as a one-way street — the senior person gives advice, the junior person takes notes and says thank you. Sarah sent her mentor articles she thought would interest him. She introduced him to people she met who were relevant to his work. She shared what she was learning in her new roles, because he was curious about innovation in tech. Luna: So she was adding value, not just extracting it. I think that's actually the thing most people miss — they treat the mentor like a resource, not a person. Lucas: Right. And that reciprocity builds something deeper than obligation — it builds genuine connection. The second thing she did: she institutionalized a check-in rhythm. Every December, she sends him an email with a short update on her year and a few questions about her thinking for the next year. And then she schedules a 30-minute call in January. Luna: Once a year, same time, every year. That's almost like a board meeting for your career. Lucas: Exactly. And because it's predictable, he never feels ambushed. He knows it's coming, and he shows up prepared. Sarah told me that after about five years of this, the calls started lasting longer — sometimes an hour — because they'd also catch up on personal stuff, talk about industry trends, just enjoy the conversation. Luna: So the relationship evolved from tactical — 'how do I handle this boss?' — to strategic: 'where should I be in five years?' Lucas: That's the third thing. She let the relationship evolve. In the early years, she asked for advice on specific situations — how to pitch a project, how to navigate a difficult colleague. By year ten, the conversations were about career architecture: 'Should I take this CMO role at a private equity-backed company, or stay in a larger corporate environment?' Luna: And the mentor's frame of reference grew with her. Because he'd known her for a decade, he could say things like, 'Remember when you struggled with that matrixed organization at PepsiCo? This private equity role will have even less structure — are you sure that's what you want right now?' Lucas: Exactly. He had context. That's the real value of a long-term mentor — they know your patterns, your blind spots, your growth arc. They can connect dots across chapters of your career that a newer mentor simply can't see. Luna: But I imagine a lot of mentor relationships don't make it past two years. Why do you think that is? Lucas: I think three main reasons. One: the mentee stops reaching out because they feel like they're bothering the person. Two: the mentor doesn't see enough progress or interest from the mentee, so they stop investing. And three: the relationship never moves beyond the original context — once you leave that company or that role, there's no shared ground anymore. Luna: So the solution to all three is pretty much what Sarah did — be deliberate, be reciprocal, and evolve the conversation. Lucas: Exactly. And I'd add one more thing from my own experience. I have a mentor I've been talking to for about eight years. He was my editor at my first journalism job. I'll be honest, the relationship almost died after year two when I switched to a different beat. I didn't think he'd have much to say about tech reporting. Luna: But you kept it going? Lucas: Barely. I sent him a half-hearted email once a year. Then around year four, I had a crisis — I was considering leaving journalism entirely. And I realized he was the one person who knew me before I was a 'business journalist', who could help me think about who I was as a writer, not just what beat I covered. So I called him. And that conversation was more valuable than any career coach I've ever paid. Luna: That's a great example of how the relationship deepens when you bring a bigger question, not just a tactical one. You're saying you almost lost it because you assumed the context had to stay the same. Lucas: Right. And that's the trap — we think a mentor is tied to a job or a function. But the best ones are tied to your growth as a person. If you treat them that way, they'll stick with you through multiple careers. Luna: So if a listener wants to turn a current mentor into a lifelong advisor, what's the one action they should take this week? Lucas: Send a brief, thoughtful note that has nothing to do with asking for help. Something like: 'I came across this article and thought of you because of the conversation we had about X. Hope you're doing well.' Just a touch point. No ask. That signals that you value the relationship itself, not just the advice. Luna: And then when you do ask for something later, it comes from a place of connection, not transaction. Lucas: Exactly. And look, if you've gotten value from conversations like this one, and you want to support the show in keeping it ad-free, you can do that at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small gesture that makes a big difference in helping us keep the lights on and the content free for everyone. Luna: Yeah, and we really appreciate it. Now, back to the idea of evolving the conversation — one thing I've noticed is that many people stop seeking advice once they reach a certain level, like they think they're supposed to have all the answers. Lucas: That's a great point. And it's actually the opposite — the more senior you get, the more you need a trusted advisor who can tell you what you can't see from your own vantage point. I've seen executives who have a 'kitchen cabinet' of two or three long-term mentors they've cultivated for exactly that reason. Luna: So it's not about having a dozen mentors — it's about having a few really deep ones. Lucas: Right. And I think that's the takeaway. Don't just collect mentors like LinkedIn connections. Invest in one or two relationships with the intention of keeping them for the long haul. Be the kind of person someone wants to stay in touch with — curious, reciprocal, respectful of their time. And let the relationship grow as you do. Luna: So the next time you have a good mentor conversation, ask yourself: Is this someone I want to be talking to in ten years? And if yes, start acting like it. Lucas: Exactly. And if you're not sure how to start that process, a simple check-in with no agenda, just a genuine 'thinking of you' note, can be the first step toward a decades-long connection. Luna: Alright, that's a solid action item. Next week, we're going to talk about something that often gets overlooked — how to end a mentor relationship gracefully when it's run its course. Lucas: It happens more often than people admit, and doing it well is a skill in itself. Until then, take care of those relationships.